 The Mutual Broadcasting System in Cooperation with Family Theatre Incorporated presents Herbert Has Ideas, starring Jack Smith as Herbert, with Janet Waldo as Kathy. John Beale is your host. More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of. Here is your host, John Beale. You know what's a funny thing? When we're sick, we long for health. When we're well, we take it for granted. It's that way with everything. When our homes are running smoothly and we're content in our own well-being, then we begin to take God for granted and only remember Him when trouble comes. But prayer is not just asking for aid when we're in need. It's more than that. It's remembering and thanking God at all times. It's keeping Him always in the family circle, in good times and in bad. To bring happiness into your home and keep it there, make daily family prayer a regular practice in your home. Why not begin tonight to learn for yourselves that family prayer spells family happiness for your family and all the families in the world? John Beale speaks again following our Family Theatre play, Herbert Has Ideas, starring Jack Smith and Janet Waldo. Sealy Harris-Martin, one moment, please. SHM, I'm sorry, Mr. Sealy hasn't come in yet. Yes, I'll have him call Mr. Creech immediately. Oh, good morning, Herbert. Hello, Kathy. Gosh, you even look pretty at 9 o'clock in the morning. You're sweet, Herbert, but it's 9.20. You're almost as late as Mr. Sealy. Well, I was thinking and I wrote out to the end of the line before. Herbert, oh, go Thorpe, haven't I warned you about that? I know, but this is a great idea, and I know that- Oh, excuse me. SHM, good morning. Yes, I understand. I'll have him call Mr. Creech the moment he gets in. Now, you listen to me, Herbert. You've been working here less than a week, and you have a comparatively unimportant job. Well, that's just it. I want to make it more important, quickly. I understand, dear, and I'm all for it, but you've got to use a little common sense. Are you trying to- How long did you manage to hold your last job, the one with the wholesale produce firm? Three days, but that- Marinating green peas and vinegar is a possible substitute for olives. You ruined a whole bushel of peas before they found out. Well, it was the pits that had me baffled, but this is different. SHM is an advertising agency, and I've got a great idea for it. Good morning, Mr. Ceeley. Good morning, Kathy. Good morning, Mr. Ceeley. Yes. Any cause for me, Kathy? Oh, Mr. Creech's office called you several times. Oh, no. It's not going to be one of those days. Well, tell him I'll be right over. Mr. Ceeley, wait. I've got to go- Not now, Herbert. Mr. Ceeley has troubles enough without you today. Well, that's Ceeley. The question is, what are you going to do about the Creech Emulsified Cream Lotion Show? Well, I thought the show was doing pretty well, A.K., and, however, I do- You thought it was doing pretty well. Ceeley, do you know what our Hooper rating was last week? Well, I haven't the figures available at the moment, A.K., but I think that- The Creech Show was exactly two and three-tenths percent higher than the Frost Warning Service for fruit growers. Now, A.K., be reasonable. The president was on at the same time over another network. Excuses, Ceeley. Excuses. But, uh... Hey, you wouldn't like me to transfer my account to Bingham Bailey-Durham and Otis, would you? Oh, Mr. Creech, now, you wouldn't do a thing like that. Well, frankly, Ceeley, if you don't come up with a fast shot in the arm for the Creech Show, I'm leaving SHM, and that's final. Um, A.K., A.K., I've been thinking about your problem, and I believe I know what the show needs. Well, that's more like it. What? Um, a singer. A singer? Well, I know just what you're going to say. You can't see paying some big name in inflated salary. Well, I don't want to know that. And you're so right. And that's why you'll be crazy about the mystery tenor. Well, I'm not going to, uh... Hmm? Mystery tenor? Yes, you'll wear a mask and a cape with a hood. We'll sneak him in and out of the station. Everyone will wonder who he is. We'll start a whispering campaign. Oh, what publicity! But, uh, who is he? Oh, someone known. Look, I'll hold auditions on the QT and pick him up for peanuts. You know, I think you've got something there, Zilly. Oh, just the usual SHM service, A.K. Uh, this mystery tenor must have a good voice. Smooth and romantic like my lotion. Yes, emulsified and creamy. Look, A.K., you can pick him out yourself if you prefer. Good. I want quick action on this. Right. I'll call my office and have him start setting up the auditions. And you can listen to the records tomorrow afternoon. Hmm, fast enough? Fine. Use the phone on my desk. Ah, thanks. Hello? This is Mr. Sealy. Get my office, please. Hmm, that per-dan was a Pullman porter man on the train. Let me in through the Dixie. Oh, that's funny. I could remember what it was I wanted to tell you, Chaffee. Here, have a lifesaver. Was it about Otto Kransmeyer? Well, what about Otto Kransmeyer? He's leaving town, so they're making me first tenor in the choir. But, but that's wonderful, Herbert. Why didn't you? No, I remember. It was something I heard at the executives meeting the other day. What were you doing at an executives meeting? Cleaning the ash trays. But listen, Chaffee. They need a new opening theme for the Slumber On mattress program. What's the matter with the old one? Oh, it's too ordinary. They've been using Slumber On, my little gypsy sweetheart. Besides, according to Mr. Harris, market research shows that gypsies is a class or a very mediocre group of potential mattress customers. Well, hooray for Mr. Harris. What's your idea, honey? Brown's lullaby. Brown's lullaby? Well, as a background. Against that, I'd have the sound of, say, I've been meaning to ask you. That light on your board has been blinking since... Oh, my goodness. Hello? I mean, Sealy Harris Martin. Yes, Mr. Sealy. I'm sorry, Mr. Sealy. The audition room tomorrow morning. Yes, notify Max Tehr. I understand. Yes. Hey, boys. I think Hank Stern's told you all about this job. We'll be recording most of the day. We're accompanying a lot of different singers, so you'll have to be... Oh, hello. Hi. Got your music with you? Music? Well, I didn't bring any. Hang on. I will fake a background. But I don't think... No, don't worry. What are you going to sing? Sing? You mean right now? Oh, sure. And you'll play along with me? We'll do our best. Gosh, this is wonderful. A real orchestra. Sure, sure, kid. Only what are you going to sing? Well, how about I'll take you home again, Kathleen? An E-flat? Why not? Boys, Kathleen, an E-flat. You ready in the control room? Good. Give me an arpeggio and see more fake an obligato, will you? Okay. I'll take you home again, Kathleen. Kathy, guess what just happened? I can't play guessing games with you now, Herbert. Mr. Sealy was very annoyed with me yesterday when I took so long to answer his calls. But can't you even... Not now, Herbert. When I suggest you get to work before Mr. Sealy catches you wandering around. Mr. Sealy? Is he in his office now? No, he went in Mr. Martin's office for a couple of minutes. Great. That makes it even better. What nurses are you talking about? My idea. It all ties up with what Mr. Sealy was saying at the copywriter's meeting. What were you doing at the copywriter's... Never mind. I'd rather not know. Dramatize it. Are they your part? Well, Mr. Sealy said, if you've got a good idea, don't underplay it. Don't minimize the impact. Dramatize it. Yes. Honey, we're going to get married real soon. What? Man and wife. Just as soon as Sealy makes me a partner. See you later, Kathy. A partner? Hey, wait! Let's see now. Here's his phonograph. Here are the records. Bach, Beethoven, Brahms. Brahms! He's got it! What a break! I'll set it up. Now I'll stretch out in the couch. When Mr. Sealy... Uh-oh. All right, Martin. See you, Harris, about the rest of it. Well, now who turned that thing on? What the deuce? Get up. Yes, sir. You see, I was just... How are you, anyway? Why, I'm Herbert Oglethorpe, sir. The new second assistant to the assistant office manager. I was dramatizing it. Oh, yes, yes. Now I know who you are. You do? Yes. Very well. You're the fellow who keeps turning up in places where he isn't wanted. You're the fellow who's spoiling the most efficient switchboard operator we've ever had. You're the fellow who... Mr. Sealy, I don't think you know... Quiet, you numbskull. I could forgive you for that. I am a patient man. I could even forgive you for taking a nap on my office couch. I'm famous for my charitable nature. But when you use my record player to lull you to sleep, that's the last straw. But if you'd only let me... You're fired, get out. But Mr. Sealy... Get out. So I guess you just wouldn't understand, Kathy. It was nice of you to visit me, anyway. Nonsense. Of course I understand. Do you really, Kathy? Well, almost. I know you're ambitious and energetic, and you've got a lot of enthusiasm. I get good ideas, too, mostly. The trouble is you let your ideas and your enthusiasm run away with your judgment. I guess you want to give me back my ring, huh? I think I'll go join the foreign legion. What for? In order to forget. That's silly, Herbert. You're doing just fine right here. For instance, you forgot to give me the ring that I'm supposed to return to you at this dramatic moment. Gosh, you're right. I meant to make a down payment on one this payday. Payday? Gee, I never thought a simple little word like that could carry so much nostalgia. Oh, you'll be all right, honey. Just wait a few days until he cools off, and then go in and explain to Mr. Sealy. Maybe the French consul could tell me how to go about enlisting. Come now, Mr. Sealy isn't so bad. Why don't you just send him a note apologizing and... Apologizing? Look here, Kathy. If anybody's going to apologize, it's going to be Mr. Sealy. Now, don't be unreasonable, Herbert. I am unreasonable, and I have silly ideas, and I can't hold on to a job. In fact, I'm a complete waste of time for any girl in her right mind. That's not true. You're just... It is true, and the sooner you realize it, the better off you'll be. All right. I'll go now. Maybe you'll feel better in the morning. Good night, Herbert. Kathy, wait! I didn't... Well, don't you think number eight or perhaps number 14 had possibilities, A.K.? No. No, they don't send me, Sealy. Go on, pray the next one. I'll take you home again, Kathleen. Across the ocean, wild and wild. Your heart has ever been. Since first you were my bunny bros. Those has all have left your cheek. I've won. This is sad, when air you spears be dim. Your loving are, Kathleen. Those are fresh and... That's it, Sealy. You've got him. Well, nice picking, A.K. Really, really beautiful. That's my mystery tenor. Well, take over, Sealy. The rest of it's up to you. Right, A.K. Sign him up and keep him signed. I'd like you to sign him out on next week's show. Oh, without fail, A.K. That's the spirit. Well, goodbye for now, Sealy. Have lunch with me sometime next week, will you? We'll discuss the details on a long-term contract with SHM. Well, it's a day, A.K. Hello, Kathy, Miss Donovan? Yes, sir. Get me the singer on record number 20. I want to speak to him immediately. Yes, Mr. Sealy, immediately. All right, hold on. And when the grass is fresh and green... Mr. Sealy. Yes? I have no singer listed for record number 20, Mr. Sealy. Well, in that case, you... What? Are you sure? Quite sure. There are only 19. Great suffering snakes. Get Harris. Get Martin. Get Max Tair. Can I go home now, Mr. Sealy? I've called my wife three times. My dinner will be ruined. Your dinner will be ruined. My business is ruined. My life is ruined. Think, man. Think. Can't you give me a clue? Mr. Sealy, if I told you once, I told you 100 times. All tenors look alike. I don't remember. Doesn't the song recall anything to you? No. Wait, wait, wait. I'll play the record again. Oh, well, my dead body. Now, listen, Mr. Sealy, there were 20 tenors, right? Right. Okay. Seven out of the 20 sang, I'll take you home again, Kathleen. I tell you, I don't remember. I give up. You give up? Would... Would Betrillo give up? In a case like this, yes. Please, can I go home now? Oh, good night, Max Tair. Send Kathy in. Mr. Sealy wants to see you, Kathy. Oh, yes, Mr. Sealy? Kathy. Kathy, ask Mr. Martin, Mr. Harris, and the rest of the staff to come in again. They've all gone home, Mr. Sealy. Oh, the rats are leaving the sinking ship. All right, Kathy. Close the board. Go home, too. Mr. Sealy. What is it, Kathy? Mr. Sealy, I've got a funny feeling. A hunch. A hunch? About what? Well, never mind. I'd like to hear that record. Will you play it for me? It's on the machine, Kathy. Help yourself. Thanks. I'll take you home again, Kathleen. You, you knew it. You mean, you know who that is? Of course, it's Herbert. Well, it's Herbert. It's Herbert. Herbert who? Herbert Oglethorpe. I recognized his voice immediately. Did you say Herbert Oglethorpe? That's right. You see, I've heard him sing this song a hundred times. Oh, no, no, no. It can't be. Shut that off. Herbert isn't a singer. Oh, yes, he is. What a lovely voice. Why, Herbert is the first tenor in the choir. Now that Otto Kransmeyer's gone to live with his in-laws. Well, it seems incredible. What would he be doing in the audition room of all places? Mr. Sealy. Herbert? Oh, yes, yes. I guess it's quite possible at that. Kathy, call him up. Tell him I've got to see him at once. Tell him that I don't... I don't think so, Mr. Sealy. Herbert thinks you owe him an apology. He can be very stubborn. An apology, but I've... No. Oh, very well, very well. I'll apologize. Call him up and tell him... It won't take you more than ten minutes to drive over there. No. No, I won't do it. I won't do it. That's the whole story, Herbert. I admit I've come here tonight because I need you. Badly. But my apology is sincere. I shouldn't have lost my temper and I shouldn't have said the things I did. Will you forgive me for calling you a numbskull? What? Oh, gosh, yes, Mr. Sealy. You should have heard the things I called you when I got home. Huh? Oh, yes. Well, I forgive you too, my boy. Now then, this chance to sing on the Crete show is a wonderful opportunity for you, my boy. I'm prepared to sign you up on a long-term contract at a very handsome salary. Gee, that's awfully nice of you, Mr. Sealy. In a way, it's really too bad, isn't it? Too bad? What's too bad? Well, I'm not interested in singing professionally, Mr. Sealy. You're not interested in... No, no, Herbert. Herbert, now you don't understand. Oh, this is not the time for thinking of personal preferences. Oh, this is a time... This is a time of crisis. We must stand shoulder to shoulder. Oh, I'll be glad to help you out for as long as you need me, Mr. Sealy. But I'm an advertising man by profession. Oh, yes, of course. Herbert, will you come back to SHM as first assistant to the general manager? There's a $10 raise that goes with the job. Well, thank you, Mr. Sealy, but that's not the position I had in mind. All right, my boy. Tell me, what do you want to be? A partner. Oh! I could have sworn you said a partner. I did. In the first place, I promised my future wife that I'd become a partner. And in the second place, I have more good ideas in a week than Harris and Martin having a year. And in the third place, at what a creature... I know all about the third place. Temper, Mr. Sealy, temper. Why don't you sit down and relax and listen to a couple of my ideas? Who can tell you might even like them? No, absolutely not. Say, what's on your mind? Well, the first idea is about an opening theme for the Slumber On Mattress program. And we'll do it my way, see? Oh! Oh, very well, Herbert. Are you suffering from N, N, nocturnal nuisance? Hmm. Are you tired, nervous, irritable, and unpopular because of the insufficient quantity and the inferior quality of your nightly slumbers? Then switch to a superb new Slumber On Mattress, I mean. That's the new opening on another of our shows, A.K. Sealy, the mystery tenor is up my sales 30%, but why can't I have a wonderful opening like that on my show? Well, there's no reason at all, A.K. Glad to oblige. I'll have Oglethorpe report to you and get to work on it immediately. Oglethorpe? Yes. Our idea, man. And my new junior partner, SHM is a thing of the past, A.K. From here on, it's S-H-M-O. At your service 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Yes, sir. S-H-M-O. I've been wondering what you'd think about Herbert and his ideas. I guess you'd call them likeable and laughable, wouldn't you? Well, Herbert's ideas weren't too sensible, but at least they didn't hurt anyone. But you know, ideas are always mighty important. Our ideas about marriage, for instance. Our ideas about a home and a family. For most of us, our chances of happiness in this life are wrapped up almost entirely in our families. That's why we must think clearly and sensibly about our family responsibilities. That's why more and more clear-thinking people are coming to realize that God has a place in the home. Without His constant help and protection, we can't have happy marriages or happy homes. Yes, men and women with right ideas about family life are turning every day to family prayer. They're learning from their own experience that the family that prays together stays together. This is John Beale saying good luck and God bless you. Our thanks to Jack Smith and Janet Waldo for their appearance and to Erwin Lieberman for writing our play. Music was scored and conducted by Max Tehr. This production of Family Theatre Incorporated was directed by David Young. Our cast included John Daener, Si Kendall, Arthur Q. Bryan, and Harry Bartel. Next week, our Family Theatre star will be Linda Johnson in A Daddy for Christmas. Your hostess will be Shirley Temple. This series of the Family Theatre broadcasts is made possible by the thousands of you in need for this kind of program, and by the Mutual Broadcasting System which has responded to this need. Be with us next week at this same time when Shirley Temple and Linda Johnson will star on Family Theatre. Tony LaFranco speaking. It's the Mutual Broadcasting System.