 I didn't want to be around anybody. I just wanted to sleep my days away until the next deployment. The only thing I could think of was going to the arms room and drawing my service pistol. In a panic, I got myself to the emergency room and the nurse asked me what was wrong. I handed her a note because I couldn't say it out loud and she knew what to do. The bravest thing that I've ever done was choose to live when I wanted to die. And the scariest thing I've ever done was walking into that emergency room and asking for help.