 Y254 Imagine. Thank you so much for sticking to Y254 TV You are watching the Power Talk show and I am your host Sherry Blessing. Now before we went on our break We were trying to understand what are the qualities of a good woman? We posted this question on our social media platforms Which is at Y254 and we wanted to hear some of your comments and some of your questions And in studio with me is Belinda and Sharon who have been helping us understand the Experiences women and some advice they would give for how to become better women So let me go on Facebook where you've written us some of your comments and Bewa Masha says watching Thank you so much for tuning in Churchill Steven says honesty and humility very simple. I like that. That's a very good Good quality of being a better woman Kando Mina says following. Thank you so much for watching us and He also says Pamoja and I believe that is the Palestine flag Kando Mina Is it Kenyan? Why is the white not visible like that? Sorry Thank you so much for watching us Kando and Xavier Elume says clean God-fearing Those are very important qualities a woman who is clean and good-fearing and gift mutunga Resonates with that and says God-fearing Respect and humble That's that's a very good comment. Thank you for that Edwin Zablon says watching from Ogembo Kera Thank you for watching us tonight. Azela Dongo Ombuna says watching live from Oteribia Abunga. Thank you for watching us Russ Jerry says respect welcoming it is him sick with a kejani. I'm a lover to me come on Russ a new experience Kate Rinshiko says improper from Kaganda Murangat. Thank you so much for watching us Kate Dennis Nyongesta says Being a good wife she'll be humble and trustworthy to her husband. Thank you for that comment Dennis Frank Kigani says watching from Kakamega. Thank you for watching us this evening and Based on the comments that we have seen to Mona humility is important Respect is also important and God-fearing and clean. Those are the major comments that we've seen Humility and respect and most women these days to Nasa Mekana to Kona kiburi We they say modern women have kiburi towards their men and their partners that's men find it of Putting so let us understand that we were discussing relationships and how to be in relationships How can we be better? Belinda, you know a wife and you're a mother How did you find this husband when you can see my window when you need to submit to him? After a heartbreak I That's heartbreak I Asked God one thing. I told God that And It was a prayer and I told God that I will be patient until I get that person whom You created just for me. Yes, and I was really patient I was not afraid of dry spell and I waited until God you will that person to me we were working together and when we met the vibe was vibing and You know I resigned from the place. I was walking and We are still together today. So when you are one thing led to another and here you are Yes, but then how do you as a woman as a wife? What are some of the things that you noticed? He was very keen on yes What are some of the qualities in your bonacola? This is what I want in a woman. This is what I want in a wife This is what I want in the mother of my children. What are those qualities that have helped you sustain your relationship? Humility and How I handle conflicts. I am one person when I'm mad. I don't react immediately. I take some time because you know patients with patients It reveals the Magnitude of the conflict. So sometimes You know if you react immediately, you will find later on that this whatever you are arguing about was not even worth it so what really impressed him about me was how I handle conflicts and How I know how to cook, you know, he's Louie. Yes, of course the way to a man's heart is through that Yes, and another thing that he was really interested in about me was How God fearing I was I or I am I am till today. I am God fearing and How I also treat him I make him feel like a man I constantly encourage him. I also constantly praise him like Tell him the good side. I don't focus on his weaknesses. I focus on his strength because at the end of the day I understand that we are all human and our weaknesses are also very important for us to embrace So I've embraced him both with his strength Strength and weaknesses. Yes, that's very very well said and some of the qualities You've said have been mentioned by our our viewers and Come on you money and you're a woman and you're wondering how can I find a good man and sustain a relationship? You've just had some of the qualities that men are looking for and that help you sustain men Because once you build up a man, then he feels validated he feels like he's masculine and comfortable and Humility the cooking being a good wife and submitting being a good partner Basically is what people are looking for You can only submit to someone who has a mission Submission you serve you serve from the submission Don't look for dust anyone then you submit if you have a mission automatically a woman will submit But if your mission less you don't know where you're going to Women will never submit to you as a man That is true. That is very true because we also want someone who's a leader And if you're not a strong leader, then how can I follow you? Now? Let's talk about sponsors Because we have so many young ladies these days who've opted for money over love Money over relationships that are sustainable Sharon, what's the knowing you are dogo young ladies today are opting for sponews and dating people who are wealthy and People who can give them a lifestyle that is much much higher than what they have right now. What is your idea? What is your impression on things like that? Do you think it is right for people to have sponsors or is it a wrong ideology that we have pushed to society? As a modern woman Okay As a modern woman or as a young lady I feel like If I'm being honest, I really don't want to judge people But I feel like wherever the society is headed. It's like we've taken you know Someone said And I was like all done wait Kind of makes sense, but well, so I feel like We we are we are too thirsty for you know things that won't last long and In my experience, I would say yeah, what about I've approached me and sometimes I'm one person who David's and I'll be friends them and listen to them. What exactly are these older men? Well, not all the older older men, but for me 30 plus If you're my friend in your 30 plus Yeah, so sometimes I'd be friend them and listen to them like what exactly are they looking for in younger women? And you find most of them are like, you know, these young lady you can go with them anywhere, you know They know younger women are looking for quicker skin like if you just show up with money then You got her you got her. They don't really have to invest so much of themselves into this relationship. Yeah And at times I also speak with some and someone will tell you as much as They look for younger ladies. They want they don't they don't just pick anyone They want someone if you listen to them and most of them are there like if I could be with her How can I help her? What is the mindset? So sometimes they'll ask you questions and they'll be like does she need to invest in anything or Is she just here for the you know for the good times and the vibes? So Belinda was burning with the comments Can you add on that before I ask the next question? She said that the Wababas or the Mubabas are looking for younger ladies because they can't go anywhere. Does it mean that all the women are trived? You know, but they can't go to share a you know, maybe all the women will not be they'll not go to a club and start dancing And I guess that is what you meant now on that I'll say something I saw someone saying about you know looking for honesty someone who is humble and the difference between the woman of now And you know the olden days as much as this topicity Sometimes I ask people you're looking for someone who can be your piece Are you giving them the piece that you want from them because you cannot tell me I want someone will be my piece But you're there you want me to allow you know to accept you for your cheating habits for your abusive habits For being violent now, that's the difference right now because when women notice you're violent you're cheating They'll walk away instead of you know So such things that's the difference between the women now women now and the women back in the days and back in the days They are men or more respectful and but still these things used to happen domestic abuse and everything But women would you know suppress it in the name of I don't want Break my family watch any movie and all that so as much as you want someone to be your piece Make sure you can beat that piece as well. You want someone always tell people yes It's okay to set standards personally if I speak from experience. Yeah, I want a soft life But right now I cannot start dating someone and expecting them to take me to you know to for vacation to Maldives and stuff Can I even take myself to course so as much as you're setting standards? I've dreams and standards, but as they realistic I Want someone who can buy me a car. Can I buy myself a motorbike? I can't so if I can't why am I putting so much pressure on someone and sometimes when I tell people that they tell me you're giving Pick me behaviors, but I feel like we need to be very, you know realistic And I like that you brought up that Conversation because the next question I was going to ask is people who want to date people who are Well often them someone who's wealthy someone who can buy your car by your house But without being at that level where even personally as a lady Are you classy? Can you be taken to a classy event and actually show up looking the part? Because there was a gentleman who said there guys who will fly out a lady But then she gets there and she doesn't look the patch. She doesn't look like where she's gone So what Belinda what are your thoughts on that because now we see so many ladies who are dating for money and dating because I want this guy to buy me this and they don't want to build with someone from scratch They want someone who's already at the top and when they're led to give you what are your thoughts on that? What have become a soft life ambassador? That's not wrong everyone can become a soft life ambassador, but You can do it by yourself You don't have to date a man for you to become or a wealthy man for you to become a soft life ambassador You can make it on your own And most women think that they can't make money on their own They must be attached to a wealthy mubaba somewhere for them to live their life that they dream of it is good to have dreams and What surprises me most is that most people don't know that dreams come true if you believe in it You can also do it by yourself and there is a women's Conference that I'm running called how to become a soft life ambassador Make it on your own then now look for that person You think is rich add to eat add to his richness or add to his wealth so that if By any chance you disagree with this guy They don't strip you of everything then you get depressed you commit suicide Simply because people will get to laugh at you Make it just that small and you don't have to be ashamed of your background. I Personally, I was from a humble background humble blessed background. I stay. Yes. I stayed in the slums grew up in the slums and I decided to use that For my own benefit use that pain I went through the days that we could go hungry the days that we could take sugar less porridge To make a life and to inspire people out of that and that is why I have my story at five the shortest book you'll ever read it's a one-page document and I followed Gods I hid well I hid God's voice Wrote the story published it and right now. It's a best seller on Amazon So I'm using my past to make money to find the lifetime that I want I don't have to rely on my husband for me to do some things and sometimes I also surprise him with gifts Yes, because it's a two-way traffic You cannot expect to be given if you can't give the same way she said you want peace But you cannot give peace. So if you want money also give money Yes, like what you've said you have to elevate yourself to get to that point where you meet a man Who's also elevated if you're not willing to become better yourself if you're not willing to make money by yourself How will you even go to the same places where these people are? You know, so I wanted to also talk about dating in this day and time To Nambi wants to get into mother date multiple people because as we talked about earlier Women tend to get so immersed in relationships that you forget yourself and then And then In a song I make a three years now into now Jamas I wanna go Menachan and you have to start again Sharon. What's your idea? Do you think it's important for people to date multiple people to see the options or should we just date one person? The next one Well, I'll say it plainly Pick what works for you because Right now we call it the roster and everyone is like, you know, the problem is women get very Attached once they get into a relationship. So sometimes The the challenges we face is you could be you know, you consider this guy your boyfriend You do everything and you know, you stay loyal to him But now the problem Kidoga with men is Men still wait their options. I mean, you're just a girlfriend. You're not my wife. So Let me let me weigh my options. So I feel like As much as people are trying to normalize the roster and everything because I don't want to say personally But that's something I don't think it works for me because I feel like I Don't know And you know women women always notice but at times I feel like we do for the plot a lot that So for me if you decide I'll stick to one person if you show me sugar then I'll leave you with your sugar and you know, send her poor, you know women We usually say that but you give someone 10 chances and they have shown you sugar from the first time Yeah, they probably cheated but you're in love you like I'll change him. He loves me. He apologized 10 side chicks later and you're still there. So at what point do you really understand that? This man is not the man for me I am better than him and I need to stop playing this game Belinda at what point do us women do we should we realize we are the perfect package? At the wrong address when should we stop to what and in our tool it is good to know your value as a woman We measure time in the same way the same measurement does not mean the same value Two people can be 25 years old all of them. That is the same measure But they value their life differently. So as a woman need to know your value What are my word and The moment someone shows you their true character once that is who they are So don't expect them to change. That's for you if you're willing to stay with this kind of hooliganism or Mediocrity for the rest of your life Then that's where I'm good But if you're not willing to stay with that Then move out for your own sake for your emotional beats for your spiritual beats even for your physical Because if someone cheats on you, they might even bring some STDs to you. They might bring other things alongside depression to you So once you get to know someone's real character and you're not comfortable with that To the left to the left You know to the left Yeah, because we we tend to give people chances and see no, you know, he loves me It's just one time But that is who they've shown you they are and now in alignment with that because you've just talked about the STDs and whatnot Let's talk about hygiene Feminine hygiene most women do not even know how we are supposed to take care of ourselves Internally and you know our reproductive system and all of that We talk what you you find someone is even using scented soaps and what not and it's not advisable So, how can we understand Belinda? How can we become better at taking care of our feminine hygiene? Yes, we need to understand first of all that The body The body houses the spirit and our spirit has a soul which is housed in the body So you might be very okay Spiritually and emotionally, but if you don't take care of your body Then the spirit will go and the soul will go your time here on earth will be cut short or be shortened So as a woman you need to know that can I go into the details of cleaning the body? But please do because there are women out there who really need the information It's good to shower twice in the morning and in the evening because we sweat and when we sweat bacteria Is down there at our Bermuda triangle? You understand? Yes, so we are supposed to shower twice and apart from that use soap that is not actually it's good to use Water just water without soap when you're cleaning your Bermuda and then we need to make sure that we shave Don't put Carura forest everywhere You know when you do your hands like these people see you know something that is not pleasant shave They are shaving creams. We have the blades. We have different Modzo Keeping of shaving. Yes, and then it is good also to you know wash or clean your hair from time to time Don't have one hairstyle for six months and you're not cleaning it Sometimes it has some stench and you might wonder why is my heartburn sleeping facing the other side all the time and It can also bring conflicts Because he doesn't want to hear the smell from your hair But he's just trying to be gentle and within no minute you'll find that you know The conjugal rights are not being met and it brings issues. So we need to take care of our hair You need to look good make up groom make sure that you wash your inner garments Daily don't repeat it don't reuse it and after some time after like six months between three to six months Dispose them by others because they carry bacteria and after washing your inner garments You also have to hang them outside so that they can get direct sunlight This with with this will also kill the bacteria that are in your inner garments Yes, that's important because sometimes we hang our things in the bathroom and you forget about it And you know even the quality sometimes you advised cotton over silk. Yes, it's like that I said some of the lessons that this one is also not very good. Yes This is some little things that we are not taught but we need to learn I want to also understand the the value of Gynecologist Sharon, do you think it's important for ladies all ages to have gynecologist? Well, I believe it's it's important as much as you know affording a gynecologist Might be expensive, but I know to answer on that not really a gynecologist I feel like especially for a grown woman Alert to a point, you know, we are we are grown women But I feel like women at times tend to forget themselves, especially with your sexual partners You know as a woman you need to understand your body and you know for people who have rosters and you know Multiple partners or just one partner, you know They cleanness after getting intimate with someone because people just get intimate with people and you just live Or you go get intimate with someone get into oral sex and you do not even sometimes people don't even know these people That deep and you know these notion of a baby can you need trust imagine checkie now find a but see put trust like I'm not a doctor. You're not a doctor. So And you're not putting on a So you know as much as you're getting intimate with someone It's not just about the HIV. There are a lot of things, you know, STI the CDs We need to look out for that. So when getting intimate with someone even as a woman You know nowadays as she mentioned the songs and the way people dress up sometimes you go to a matar to a cub You look at the seat. It has things and you're like, oh my god So sometimes you find ladies, you know with their Short Yeah, and then That's the thing. I think ladies sometimes we neglect our feminine hygiene But we need to understand we are different from men We need to actually pay attention because you can get uti eyes You can get all these other diseases that men is infection that men are not prone to and we are very prone to them So you have to be very very intentional about your feminine hygiene So, let me go to Facebook and read some comments before we wind up the conversation We have done tells who says caring and trustworthy Bungoma tuned in Niki washi cilia moanda village. Thank you so much for watching us We have done Carlos return says following life from umwa just so proud of the debate. Thank you, don't call us Dan Mukurinawa can do to say is the honest honesty God-faring clean beautiful hard-working and a good role model. Thank you for that Brahmel Bokeh KD says Boussia and you're following us. Thank you so much for following us From everywhere and we are grateful for the comments that we have gotten So one thing that I want us to touch on is role models because we've talked about the value of the people that we Surround ourselves with and the people that we watch and who we admire Who is a good role model? Who can you define as a good role model? Belinda, you've been an a mentor to so many people. How would you advise someone to pick a good role model? When you're picking a role model or a mentor look for someone with Values not someone who morals and are out of norm or Someone who does crazy things on social media Choose someone with good values and they follow them to the latter Choose someone who has the same Interest as yours. You cannot choose a role model Who is? Kyla Jenner. I'm not saying Kyla Jenner is bad. Yes, but you want something different for yourself Choose someone with the same dreams the same gold Someone who has been where you want to go because a role model is someone who guides you So someone cannot guide you to a place or a destination that you don't want to go to Then the last one as a Christian I choose someone with God-fearing because at the end of the day Yes, we are human we make mistakes, but the word of God guides us It brings us back. It detours us back to the right path Yes, thank you because that's very clear Your role model has to share your values has to be where you aspire to be and in this day and time We have so many people we have artists who are you know ratchet and it's very glorified or people with Multiple partners and ponos and they're living the life that people think is the ideal life So Sharon, do you think some of these people are good role model or what? What what would you say about that because we have so many people who are influencing even younger girls teenagers and Children are they good role models for our girls? so first thing I would say just as I mentioned earlier social media is the interest day and Regardless of your age, I feel like it's a personal chase that you need to make for example right now If I'm following let's say Sherry we're friends and I feel what they're made the core reason as to why you know I used to admire you. I don't feel it anymore Always feel it's as simple as just unfollow because you share nothing in common with them And that's what we should be doing and also You know the problem is we want role models But at times we get so obsessed with people that we forget ourselves who want to be them You don't want to be like that person You want to be that person and you know as much as you admire them You can never be them and it's not everything they share that you share with them because I feel like yes You can have role models, but you know, let's say for example as a media student I admire someone and maybe There's another field that I admire someone from whatever they do so as much as you admire people from different, you know Places but at the same time make sure they share Same values your core values and also someone you'd be proud to say, you know not just because Not everyone is famous is fit to be a role model That is very and then don't don't Bend to you know the social media pressure and everything. Yes, pick your role model and at the same time invest in getting to know them because I feel like social media has gotten us to a point that You know, I could mask myself as a very loving person But in reality, I'm always in scandals, but on social media. I display a very good image of myself If you feel that is what you've been following them for and they don't meet whatever you are Looking up to them for then it's always free. You don't need to Yeah, because if you're following someone and you want them to be your role model and you don't share any common goals Then that's when I say that's where the obsession kicks in that is very true And so many people like to just follow people and follow some of these people some of them are toxic Sometimes I see someone I may post something on their stories Go to this page immediately and then follow because we do not share the same values And I like what you said we cannot be like anyone else. I cannot be Sharon I cannot be Belinda. So I have to be the best Cheryl that I can be Inspired by the story of Belinda or inspired by the life that Sharon lives So in that as we wrap up this conversation, we just have a few minutes left I want us to talk about toxic femininity Belinda when you look at young ladies these days What are some of the toxic ideologies that they have and you feel like it's damaging us as women? comparison of each other simply because Sharon has an iPhone Doesn't mean and we went to the same school with her doesn't mean that I also must have an iPhone It doesn't mean if you're dating someone who bought you a Harrier Then I must also insist that my husband or my boyfriend should buy me a Harrier So that comparison Leads to depression because you feel like you are not enough if you ever compare yourself with someone You will always feel that you're not enough, but yet we have enough We are more than enough because because God created us more than enough We can make it on our own without comparing ourselves with other people our aim Every day should be to become a better version of ourselves and better does not come physically Better starts in the mind the mind is where the battlefield is because when I think it I will speak it and it will come to pass. So whatever it is That is making you to be toxic starts in your mind So some of this toxic habits or ideologies like comparison another thing is trying to Not even compare but trying to compete Competing with someone constantly competing with someone who doesn't know you You choose someone from social media or even your neighbor and she doesn't really care about you Then you start competing with her. She buys red shoes. You buy red shoes. That is very toxic at the end of the day You are not living your life. There's a reason as to why you were created look for your purpose There is another way God created you then find start following that Yes, all different you can say that my journey and my neighbor. Yes is the same Yes comparison and competing. Yes, those are two toxic things Sharon what about you give us in less than a minute tell us some of the toxic ideologies that you think we have today And we should get rid of them It's the same thing competition and comparison and I feel like I'll just mention something as much as Especially when it comes to you know relationships We all want the soft life, but I always tell people when looking for a partner It's okay to have a wealthy partner. I mean who doesn't want money would be lying if we say we don't want to be rich, but I'm looking for a giver You know a caring person a loving not just wealthy because I feel at times you forget about our mental well-being Because personally, I feel like my mental well-being is above everything because you know, you might be wealthy and everything But you're not Good for my mental health. So Some of the things like the competition and you know, we feel like women don't miss Emma and Trying to as I said earlier another toxic trait is that you know trying to compare ourselves or competing with our partners Because at the end of the day the truth is it's okay for us to be you know empowered But we can never be men because most of the women right now are trying to you know show the masculinity in them Personally, I want to be a soft girl. I want to be a soft girl. So it's okay to have a partner But don't try too much, you know You know, we are feminists. We are exactly and that's true So let's wrap up the conversation because time is not on our side and the parting shot is Sometimes the strongest women are the ones who love beyond all false cry be behind closed doors and Fight battles that nobody knows about and that is a very very powerful quote I love that we have said that Being a woman is about who you are. What are your trades? What are you embodying? We have so many resources online that help us to understand how to become better how to take care of ourselves And that is going to be it for today. Thank you so much for watching us I repeat of this show is going to happen tomorrow on Friday between 1 and 2 p.m And we're also going to upload this show on YouTube. So stay tuned for that Thank you so much for the entire team that has been with us the camera operators our producer the TC and everyone else Thank you to our lovely guests who have been here today and thank you to you back at home for watching us Thank you for taking your time and please stay tuned to why 254 TV My name is Sheryl blessing and this has been the power talk show