 The article I was asked to write in 2010 for the Islamic Center of San Gabriel Valley, known as the Walnut Mosque, the editor-in-chief there said can you write a parenting article? And what had happened was in 1997 when my son was born, I was really interested in reading books about parenting, but there were no books on the market for teaching Muslims how to raise their kids in the West. There were a lot of, you know, Western books and there were books about teaching kids how to get toilet trained and teaching kids how to, you know, eat their first foods, but nothing about raising Muslim kids in California in 1997. There were some classical Arabic texts that had been translated, but nothing that really felt relevant to what I was dealing with and what my friends were dealing with. So what I did was any time I saw a family that really impressed me, if I saw kids who impressed me, if I saw adults who impressed me, I would just take them aside and I'd just kind of grill them like at dinner parties or anywhere I saw them. I'd be like, Auntie, Uncle, I have to interview you. I have to ask you, what did you do, you know, to make your kids so amazing? Chef Noman Bey was the chef of Institute of Knowledge. His mother just passed away and he told us that, you know, it's like I lost my mother and my father because my father passed away when I was four years old. So I was just automatically fascinated that how did Chef Noman turn out the way he did when he was raised by a single mother and, you know, his mother had passed away at this point. And so I just built his sisters, his four sisters. I was like, tell me everything. What did your mother do to make him and all of you the way you are? So I learned even from that just a couple of weeks ago. So basically that's what I've been doing, interviewing families. But what I noticed was over time, no matter what the advice was, there was a whole variety of advice. But the same 10 pieces of advice seemed to keep propping up. There were like 10 categories that kept coming up. And so when I was asked to write this article, I thought, this is perfect. I have this chance now to take all this information swimming around in my head and get it down. And Alhamdulillah, when I wrote it, you know, the local, the Islamic Center's newspaper appreciated it. But then Chef Raaz Erlani from Seekers Hub asked me if he could publish it on their blog. And of course I said, you know, I was so honored. And Mashallah, they told me that in two days I had 24,000 people read it. And it's gone around the globe every month. Even now, six years later, Mashallah, every month I get two or three letters or emails from people who've read the article somewhere in the world, either thanking me or just wanting some more questions answered. So Alhamdulillah, I feel there's been better than it. And I want to make it very clear this is not my wisdom. This is not like, oh, do what I did. I have all the answers. This is honestly just tips and advice that I've gotten from families. So just to begin with a little bit about what kinds of people impressed me. I always had the impression, and this was an incorrect impression, that you either were really being and religious and had your priorities straight in the, you know, Islam department, but maybe you were socially awkward, didn't necessarily do that well in school or in sports, or you were the opposite, which was you did really well in school, you did really well in sports, got in a top university, was top dots, but religion was on the back religion was not a high priority. I thought it was one or the other. So with these families, what I saw was there was a really good mix between the two. And they were the ones I decided on. And so one example of a child was this 10 year old boy came and spent the night in our home. And my children were really little at the time. And at Fudger, when my husband and I got up, I said, you know, it's his first time spending the night here. He might be nervous. Let me go check on him, you know, make sure he's okay. And my children were still young, they weren't getting up for Fudger. So when I went to my kid's bedroom, I thought that the light was already on in the room, shining out from under the door. And when I went and saw this boy had already woken up, had already prayed Fudger, and then was sitting there reciting Fudger. And he was also a kid who was like a soccer marvel. He went on to play football for four years in high school, did really well. And I was really impressed with how this kid was very balanced. And I thought even more impressive than adults, I knew, like, I know I wasn't up that early reciting Fudger. He was already done with Fudger. I know of a young man who took his he was raised by a single mother. And his mother wanted to go to Jordan to learn Arabic. And he's an adult now, married with children. He got on the plane, flew his mother all the way to Jordan. And then the next day took a flight and came all the way back to California. He went all the way across the globe just to escort his mother and his elderly mother so that she loved him alone. He didn't just send her on the plane. Another time I was with a lady who was a UC Berkeley graduate. And, you know, we had a good career going for her and she her parents lived with her and we were going somewhere and we got in the car and we drove away. And we were at the end of the road when she said, you know, I just realized I never said salams to my mother before I left. Can we turn the car around? I need to go and say salams to her. And I was like, you see your mom all the time. You live with her 24 seven. But the fact that she had that kind of other, but it was important to her to go back and make sure she said salams to her mother really stood out. So these are just a few examples of what kinds of people have really impressed me. So I'll just jump right into it. And the order of these 10 tips are not in the order of what I think is important. They're in the order of what was said to me from majority to, you know, a little bit more to the minority. So the majority, what every single family has told me is no, none of the families took it for granted that their kids were the way they were. They all said this is from Allah. They didn't take credit for it. They didn't think their job was over. Even after they're, you know, they were grandparents. They didn't take it for granted that their kids were going to be meaning their entire lives. They always said that, you know what, nothing is guaranteed until you have a snow hot and beautiful ending. And that we died with the Shahada on our lips. They told me that anytime they needed to make a decision about their kids lives, that they weren't sure which way to go, they did salat al-Sahada, the prayer of guidance. Anytime there was something they really needed for their kids that they felt was very important. They wanted it. They did salat al-Hajjah, the prayer of need. Anytime they got what they wanted, whether it was a great exam result or a clear health report, they did salat al-Shukr, the prayer of gratitude. They got up in the last third of the night, prayed al-Hajjah and prayed for their children. One mom told me that she prayed for her children to have wonderful spouses from the moment her kids were born. She was already praying for Allah to send a soul in the world who would grow up to be a wonderful spouse for her children. And we're seeing that now. Her son just got married and he married an amazing girl on Mashallah. She told her daughter live and making go out for you since the day my son was born. So, Mashallah. One mom told me, whose kids really impressed me, that she recited surah al-Madhiyam every day of her pregnancy. This is not anywhere from the sunnah. It's not a requirement. This is something she did. She took on and when I asked her why, why did you recite surah al-Madhiyam every day? She said it was because she was really impressed with the way the prophets were described in surah al-Madhiyam. And she was really moved by the descriptions of the believers. And so she wanted that for her kids. And so she recited surah al-Madhiyam because it really touched her heart. Let's see. You know, my eldest son just got a job at Baskin Robbins, cooking ice cream. And before he got that job, when he was still looking for work, somebody reminded me that I should be praying for him to always have a halal income because it's really easy to take a job and not even realize that you're doing something in your work. And so to always pray that your children have a halal of this. Okay. And one mom told me that while they were pregnant, while they were expecting she, and even before they got pregnant, making the intention that why do we want children? Is it just because we want to be a mom and dad? Or is it because we want to raise Sadaheen who will carry on this deen and will remember Allah? We'll be an example for the Umrah of the Prophets. Okay. The second tip these parents told me is surah will make you or break you. Your companionship will make you or break you. My mother always said to me when we were younger that don't assume you're better than your friends. You are who your friends are. And I know one scholar said to us that there's nothing worse than a stingy Muslim. But the one thing you should be stingy with is your time. You shouldn't give your time to just everybody. I know my husband and I, we had a very different group of friends of a different community. When I married him, he didn't have any Muslim friends. And gradually we made some Muslim friends, but they weren't practicing. And that was our social crowd for a long time. After we had our children, we made a big change. We consciously decided that we needed to bring friends in our lives who reminded us of Allah, who were good examples and who are role models for what we wanted from our children. And so we actually changed our social community. And it was painful. It wasn't easy. It didn't happen overnight. There were some hurt feelings as people realized that we were kind of drifting apart and pulling away. But there was a reason behind it. And it was really for the therapy of our children. Because you can't tell your kids, you know, do as we say, not as we do. You know, like if they see the adults in their lives doing one thing, but they're telling them to do another, kids pick up on hypocrisy very quickly. So soha is very, very important. I know Sheikh Hamza Yusuf up north, he told us that on the day of judgment, you'll be with those whom you love. So choose who you love wisely. So it's really important that when you look at your friends, you take note in your heart that, okay, are these people who are inspiring me to be the best that I can be? And are these friends people who remind me of Allah? Or are they people that I'm really literally just wasting my time with? Yeah, I'm having fun. I'm laughing and joking. But there's really no other benefit beyond that short term enjoyment. One thing that I've learned in the last few years that I don't have in my article, because I did not know this back in 2010, but I've come to realize it now is that people should not underestimate the importance of mentorship. You should be looking for good mentors in the community for your kids. I, my husband and I give a lot of credit for how we, the good things that we see in our sons. Mashallah, we give a lot of credit for that to the young goals we call them, the young uncles in their lives who inspire them, who are a good influence on them. And these are people that, you know, they're young guys in the community. We're in their 20s, maybe even early 30s who are maybe still single or just got married and have young kids, but they, they connect with the kids. They know how, you know, they, they play sports. They know what's going on with pop culture, but they're the need to, and their families have good track record. You see that they like to come to the masjid from the center alone. I can tell that you're gonna find a lot of them here. Inshallah, the way people were so organized getting this place set up and showed that people are very active. So, you know, looking for people who maybe lead Halifahs, Sunday school teachers, I know that I have a friend who has a daughter and she, my friend does not understand her daughter at all. And she said to me and another girlfriend of ours that, you know, my daughter really likes you guys and she thinks you're cool, you're funny, she enjoys your company. And I really need you guys to take my daughter under your wing because there are certain things about her. I just don't understand. We don't see eye to eye. She frustrates me. And so I need you to help me. I need you to help me understand her and I need you to help get what I need across to my daughter because sometimes kids can't hear it from their parents. And so my girlfriend and I, we agreed to that. And now that young girl who I've known since the age of two is a Michelle Lane College and she's turned out to be incredible. And I don't give that credit to myself. I don't think I had anything to do with that. I give that credit to her mother who kept her eyes and ears open and realized, okay, I don't have everything that my daughter needs. And so I'm going to go out and try and find it and get it for her. So mentorship is really important. Kids should not just be friends with kids their age. Peers should not be raising peers. People of all different ages should benefit from one another.