 وأقول في القرآن ما جاءت به آياته فهو الكاريم المنزال وأقول قال الله جل جلاله والمصطف الهدي ولا أتأواله الحمد لله رب العالمين له الحمد الحسن والثناء الجميل وأشدوا أن لا إله إلا الله وحده لا شريك له يقول الحق وهو يهدي سبيل وأشدوا أن محمد عبده ورسوله صلى الله عليه وعلى آله وأصحابه والتابعين لهم بإحسان إلى يوم الدين أما بعد وانا سنذهب إلى أسباب دنولهما لذلك لديه أسبارات أسبارات هناك الكثير من الأسبارات أسبارات أسبارات تحول بين الفرد أو الجماعة وبين التراقي في مراتي بالكمال ومداري دي الفضيلة ومختلف بين الإنسان وصلاحي ومجموعة ومجموعة ومجموعة وطفالة في التي هذه المرات تفعل وممتلكة التي تفعلها بين المرات أسبارات أسبارات some of them have a very strong impact on having high aspiration some of these reasons and some of them don't have that big of an impact on a person's high aspiration but it still affects your high aspiration لذلك سيكون هناك الكثير من القراءة ، هناك 30 موضوع ، لا أعلم if I'd be able to go through all 30 of them والكثير من المؤكد هو أن هناك تداخوة لبين أسبابي دونو الهما ومظاهيره أيضا هناك بشكل أسرق منظمة بين المكاتبية الجهة والمواد والتصور في التي أصبحت المكاتبات التي نتحدث عنها قبل يعني إذا مظاهر ودنوه الهما ويز in which low aspiration manifests some of them are found in the أسبابي دنوه الهما reasons for low aspirations you might find it in there مثل قلة الحياة having very little shyness that is a مظهر من مظاهر ودنوه الهما it's a way and a form in which low aspiration manifests and it's also أسبابي دنوه الهما a reason for low aspiration so there's going to be تداخل and because of the series been quite long now i'm going to try to be إذني ليل كريم cut down on the ones that there are similarities between the أسبابي دنوه الهما and the مظاهر ودنوه الهما i will only mention that which is only the أسبابي دنوه الهما that which time allows be إذني ليل كريم let's start with the first be إذني ليل كريم first the first reason من أسبابي دنوه الهما for low aspiration and that is ربيعة الإنسان the person's nature there are some people من جبيل على دنوه الهما they are naturally who have low aspiration naturally that's the way they are and they prefer الإخلاد إلى الأرض they prefer to be stuck on the earth they they they prefer not to raise up into this earth or they become something or they earn something and accomplish something they don't like they don't that's not them they love الإخلاد إلى الأرض والميلي إلى الراحة والدع and they naturally like relaxation comfort they love it and they like the little things and the dismissed and insignificant things they love those things those are the type of things that you would find them you know going around and and trying to achieve those people they won't strive and exert the effort in completing themselves and they don't and those type of people they won't come with the reasons that we're going to mention inshaAllah in the series that will help them and aid them in being able to come with higher aspirations if they understand these these reasons that being low aspiration they will understand the opposite they don't try to come with those reasons فيعيشو this person lives a life of فيعيشو المرء فيعيشو العمره كله وهو قابعه في مكانه فيعيشو will live their entire life in one place still in that routine لا يتقدم للأمام خطوة the person will not take any step forward ولا يرقى في سولة بالمجد درجة and the person will not climb up to the levels of honor and virtue but rather sometimes what might happen is rather what might even happen sometimes is that the person he goes actually backwards and he drives in reverse there are people whose nature is like that and that is one of the greatest factors that brings about low aspiration it is one of the greatest reasons for low aspiration even when you talk to those type of people and you have a conversation with them and a dialogue with them and you speak to them heart to heart you'll always find them choosing الاخلادي إلى الارض they are choosing to stick on this earth they are choosing the insignificant things محقرات الأمور when they know and they have the ability to go forward the second reason that brings about low aspiration or even can bring out the opposite which is high aspiration is التربية المنزلية the way that the nurturing at home takes place فالتربية المنزلية لها دور عظيم في توجيه الأولاد سلبا أو إجابة the the تربية at home has a great effect on the child whether he goes in the right direction or in the wrong direction the house is what المدرسة الأولى للولد فالبيتو هو المدرسة الأولى للولد the first school that we all went to was home in essence all of us were homeschooled the child that you have or the child you're going to have you need to understand that the first place they learn what is right from what is wrong is home and if what you teach him is right then bless it is that child going to be and if not you have now directed the new generation to the wrong direction ولي ذلك are some of the great scholars of Islam used to say that the تربية of the child is not just the rights that the child has on the parents but it's the rights that the community and the society have on that parent that they nurture their children correctly the society's right on you is that you cultivate and you nurture your child correctly why because this child is going to be released into the society so if he contributes good the community will benefit from it and if he becomes a calm and a problem to the society he steals from the society he robs the society kills the society members of the society or the community that is something or right that the community have on you that your child that you're nurturing you need to remember it's not just the right that the child has on you it's the rights that the people around you have on you the child before he goes to school before he meets the people around in the people out there before he meets the مجتمع the community before he meets them you as a parent have to at home nurture that child properly low aspiration or high aspiration comes from the child or the parent nurturing that into the child and drilling that into the child lifting the child's aspiration educating him cultivating and nurturing him I've said this before and I and I will say again in شاء الله تعالى your child divide here is life into three if you want to succeed divide your child's life into three the first one is you write down the word body the physical body the second one is the mind and the third one is the spirit these three are the three that you need to nurture every single day for the child many people's understanding of تربية اولاد they understood it as just physically the body you nurture that's it my child's body look at him you've gained weight even when you see a child born and the parent gives birth to the child the doctor says to the parent when the child is five weeks old for example bring the child to the hospital we need to weigh him to see if he's gaining weight and the parent from that moment is focused on the physical side of the child's if the child's losing weight the parent becomes worried they take the child to the hospital and they should do it without a doubt that is important but that's all they understood from the concept of تربية the physical side and that is a deficiency to just think that the تربية only is the body what about the other two which is the mind the child's mind needs nurturing parents should sit down with their children and have concessions and dialogues with their children that plays a big role in the child's aspiration in life and what he wants to become and how he wants to live his life mind nurturing the child's mind there are many ways to do that إن شاء الله تعالى you could listen to إن شاء الله تعالى the series that was done by شيخ محمد محمو on the muslim family he has spoken about all of those in great details and the third the third thing that the parent needs to focus on is the spiritual side of the child the child's spirit the child's spiritual here means he's dean his تقافة إسلامية his religious ethics this is where the child learns the Qur'an he memorized the hadiths the child is also taught about how to go to the toilet and do his cool of nature يعني if you go to many of the medarists where the Qur'an is taught and you look at the children who are learning the Qur'an you see a child who's half it or he's halfway in the Qur'an or he's memorized a lot and you see the child urinating standing up or he doesn't clean himself when he you know he does his urine it doesn't watch his watch his private part or he comes up without watching his hand or he leaves the door open whilst he's doing his core of nature there's no shyness this all is a reflection of the تربية at home or the child interrupts elderly people speaking or two elderly people were sitting down talking a child would just walk in between them not around them but in between them or he will sit down and listen to two people privately speaking the child puts his head forward and he wants to see or listen to what two people are talking about from that age it is upon the parent to spiritually nurture the child to also nurture the child's mind will lie you find many people who are physically big إن شاء الله تعالى gonna touch that soon they're physically grown physically big if you look at them الله مبارك their bodies the physique the way they look is big but you talk to them their minds it's like a child's mind what happened what's the problem here the problem here is that there was no relate there you see when you when you when you nurture the child's body and it goes up then you should also nurture the mind so it goes with it and then you nurture the spiritual side so it goes with it so all three of them are balanced how can you do that if you have a chart in your house on the fridge you write down body mind soul and body mind spirit or soul those three and you focus on those three every day you tick off something that you've done for your child's physical side he's done an activity he the eating that he eats that he doesn't have junk he doesn't drink fizzy drinks he eats healthy you tick that off it's important and then you go to the mind what book has he read today you know one of the things that I encourage is to get things to do with investigation that you tell a story to your child and when you tell the child the story you don't finish off the ending of the story you tell them a story of somebody that did something they did something a crime was committed and once you tell them the story of the crime you say to them I want each and every one of you to tell me the ending of the story how does the story end and I want you to explain it to me who committed the crime who stole the cookie from the cookie jar so you mentioned the story and then you asked him that question after you've you've placed the whole entire story line to them it's it's nurturing their minds you want them to think so then you say hey who do you think did it the child thinks he contemplates over it he explains his reasons and then you discuss his reasons with him do you think that reason makes sense not okay why do you think it doesn't make sense hey the next child what do you think the next child what do you think this is nurturing the child's mind that's just an example for you just one example but in many other ways you can do that you just have to be in that particular way there are many other ways you can do it brothers and sisters you've got a child every night before he goes to sleep he has to read a page of something put right next to your child's bed قصص القرآن for example the stories that are mentioned in the قرآن اصحاب الكافي قصص القمان وما الادالي او قصص الانبياء او the stories that were mentioned by the prophet عليه الصلاة والسلام they have a books and if your children can read the arabic language فني عمي الله very good so you give them those books whether it be in english or arabic you give it to them and you tell them to read it a page and the next morning when they wake up after they do their دعاءة وين they wake up and they do they do their دعاءة ادكار الصباح والمساء and it's a must that the child sits down and he does his ادكار الصباح والمساء and then you discuss with him the story that you read how is it like what did you benefit from it and after the end of the month that story book they finished you give them a gift for finishing the story and you ask questions about it you ask them questions about it that's also nurturing the child's mind also the the dean how you strengthen the child's religion these are تربية المنزلية the child's first school is home the parents need to understand and that's their responsibility كما ان والديه مسؤولاني الى the two parents are responsible for what الى حد كبير عن الحرافي وفسادي many of the children destruction and يعني deviation it goes back to the parents العلمة بن القيم رحمه الله يساعد وكم من من اشقا ولده how many people destroyed their children وفلد تكابده في الدنيا والآخرة they forsake their children their loved ones their children their the the the the the human being you brought into this world that is a part of you you destroyed him by doing what be اهمالي forsaking him وتركي تقديبي you didn't discipline the child especially those three that I mentioned you have to make sure that the child's eating healthy that does affect the child's brain and his thinking process if your child's not eating eating healthy it does affect his dean and his religion اي نعم he does you make sure your child doesn't overeat and he doesn't under eat you make sure you give your children natural things things that are mentioned to be good by the prophet عليه الصلاة والسلام like honey black seed or your يعني you know things time date if you have actual dates from Medina اي good زم زموت if you can get them give it to them these are things that are بينفشو for the child these the food that you give them don't give them things that are not healthy for the child وتركي تقديبي discipline the child his mind his soul ويعانتي على شهواته you forsake the child discipline him you also forsake the child in helping him how to control his desires I always say this and I'm إن شاء الله gonna repeat it again the child's life you divided into three the first 10 years of the child's life it's your responsibility to tell him what to do and what not to do and the child doesn't have much to say in that situation he just hears and he obeys what his parents telling him to do so the first 10 years the parents are setting the child guidelines do this and don't do this the next the second 10 years the parent and the child have تقديم where is the parent explains things to the child and he wants to hear what the child has to say the discussion goes on a dialogue the last the third 10 years the third 10 years the parent does not enforce or impose his views on to the child or on to this young adult he doesn't he let's him do it and he's a ناصح some see advisor he might come up to him and say I saw this my advice on you to you in this issue is this is this is خلص if you take those steps you won't start to do what you used to do or you miss doing sorry some people they miss out this telling the child what not or they don't do anything they forsake their children they turn a blind eye and the child reaches 20 or 18 the parent wakes up and realizes my child's going the wrong direction and then they start to do what they should have done when the child was 9 or 8 or 7 or 6 years old that's you can't do that it doesn't work like that anymore right now he's in that age of partnership you need to tell him why you say why you want him to do this so if you've taken those first 10 years well and you've done it correctly the second 10 years of the child's life the partnership will seem to work in your advantage as a parent your advantage of course is what is beneficial for the child so he will always generally be in line with you because that's how you nurtured him from the beginning and when he becomes 30 when he becomes 20 plus he's working in that direction he's working towards the milestones that you have set for the child and you will not have done forsaken the child when he's 15 onwards desires start to creep in the child has shehua now he's starting to look at the opposite agenda so what do you as a parent do in the situation you aid the child in the way he needs to control his desires ابن القيمي say that وإعانتي على شهواته some people they they abandon and they forsake how to tell the child to control his desires and remember if you worked hard in the first 10 years and you also worked hard in the second 10 years the third 10 years it will work in your advantage as a parent your daughter will be very shy your son will also be very shy and both of them would work in the in the path that you've set for them many parents he's saying ابن القيمي they claim that they are honoring their children but they are humiliating their children وأنه يرحمه وقد ظلمه and they claim that they are having mercy on their child but what they're really doing is they are oppressing the child and then he said then the person has really lost benefiting from their child وفوت عليه حضه في الدنيا والآخرة and made the child lose his portion in this dunya and in hereafter and also made did the same to himself he has made himself lose his dunya and akhra because of what he's done to his child وإذا اتبرت الفسادة في الأولادي this word i think everyone should memorize it and learn it and always keep it in their minds ابن القيمي وإذا اتبرت الفسادة في الأولادي he said if you think about the corruption that you see in children رأيته you will find أن عامته منقب للآباء the majority of them have actually come from the parents and i'm going to be direct and honest the overwhelming majority and blame is actually on the father figures it's actually not the mothers the overwhelming majority of children who when the wrong direction you would actually find the effects and the problem have actually come from the father and the reason why i say that is because many fathers are deliberately absent from their children and they don't want anything to do with their children and that plays a role in what the child becomes good or bad the effects the child the majority of the children in the situation in that situation where their father is absent the majority of them they go in the wrong direction i remember many years back reading an article on the relationship between prostitution of girls and boys you know playing around with girls and committing zina as well the relationship between those two and the absence of a father they said that many girls who go towards prostitution are going there because they are looking for love acceptance appreciation from the male figure and the reason for that is because of the absence of her father الله أكبر it's عجيب right this clearly shows us that the importance of the father being around and i remember subhanallah many years back there was an event that i did in the uk and the event was to get the youngsters the youths especially in the Somali community Somali youths and the Somali parents so we did an event where we called on to the Somali parents and the Somali youths and we sat down to talk to the parents the parents were told we the idea was to tell the parents what the youths in this country and the youngsters are now thinking and for the children the youths and the parents to have a conversation and and talk about where things are going wrong and it happened in north west london what really hurt me and made me realize deeply the problem in the community is the absence of the father that day there was not one father who came and sat down imagine that it was only mothers that were sitting there who were concerned about their children who were concerned about the the problem of their kids and we know what's taking place in the uk the stabbing and the killing and the murdering and the bloodshed that's taking place we all know what's happening we're aware of that how is it possible that our father does not come to get a solution for his son or a solution for his daughter it makes no sense so your child's aspiration in life and what he wants to become it was it's made at home as they say it's made in the kitchen it's made in the living room it's made in the four walls of your house that's where the child becomes one who has high aspiration or one who doesn't have it that is why your child is choosing low aspiration to imitate and mimic and impersonate rappers musicians tv presenters that's why he's chosen that and he hasn't lifted his head up to realize these people who are rappers the singers are truly despicable uh irrelevant people who have no value other than making money from people by singing filthy things your child looks up to that a muslim his name is Muhammad خالد زيد بكر that's their names and they're imitating a non muslim rapper who has no value other than what he's doing right now that's all he's loved for or he's liked for by those who like him but if you look at him as a person he is a alcoholic drug addict and your child's looking up to that type of person where did that low aspiration come from your name is Muhammad and you're following a non muslim despicable filthy individual your child is following that how is that possible how did my child's low aspiration become that low the reason for that is the parents many parents are nurturing their children upon what على الجبن والخوف والهلع والفزع for you خوف بالوول والأفريات والكفو عن عبتي many parents their disciplining of their children is very very bad so they place in their children fear fear mongering that's what they do to their children so they place fear in their children's hearts they say they scare them with with stories that they make up and every community has those stories in the arabic language in the arab arab world there's something they call it is a type of shaitan some have those type of stories that you scare children with and the child scared of the dark your child scared of the افريات you're telling him to be scared of the jinns and then later and all of that why are you doing it you want the child to stop playing around and and and being a child but really what you've just done right now is you've made your child have a characteristics as fear and scared and terrified in life you've now made your child scared then tomorrow when he grows up you want to teach him don't fear these things fear الله سبحانه وتعالى and it doesn't work like that it doesn't work like that so what you're doing at the beginning the seed you're planting remember it's growing that seed that flower is that plant is growing and it enters many places why do you think your child is scared to go outside why is your child at home it doesn't want to leave why is your child not going for interviews and jobs because he's scared of being turned down why are many children suffering from depression and anxieties why because the parent has put fear into the child the parent has put put into the child these qualities especially a lot of the parents who are scaring their children with people that they should make their children love such as the doctor or the teacher or your father that's the biggest that's the that's the one that the mothers do your father so the child instead of loving his father and appreciating his father he fears his father or he fears the teacher who he should have taken as a close friend and benefited from the doctor who's going to help the child's health you make him fear the people he should have loved and appreciated and want to be like them you see what you're doing here this is the problem and from there comes what and from here ينشع what comes from it is the child becomes he becomes scared terrified that the child even runs away from his own shadow and he starts to fear و يخافوا من ما لا يخافوا منه he starts to become scared of those you should not be scared of so many parents what they do is they nurture their children upon they nurture their children upon this laziness and you daddy how are you like kind of be strong be strong stand straight don't stand sideways stand straight when you talk to me look at me don't look around these qualities they don't nurture their children they nurture their children upon الميوعات والترف والبذخ والطيش يعني they nurture their children upon these qualities و ينشعوا الولد و مترفة مناعمن the child grows up with all of the blessings that i want this okay here that i want this give me this he gives it to them he doesn't ask him i'll give it i'll give you what you want but i need something in return and what do you want i need you to do this this and i'll give this to you why that's very good the child will learn that in this world that he lives in nothing comes free it's about working for things it's about achieving and gaining things nothing comes for free your child will learn that if you don't do that and you give him everything when he goes into society he's expecting everyone to give him what he wants and if he doesn't get what he wants because that's what he's used to he will kick off a fuss and he will not be able to live with the community and the society and very important والله he leaves things that we do as parents it affects the child's life later it affects everything about him a lot of the parents they nurture their children or giving the child whatever he asks for and and doing what the child wants and the child becomes selfish همه خاصة نفسي فحاسب the child only becomes concerned about himself i1 فلا يهتم بالاخرين he doesn't care about other people والا يسأل عن اخواني المسلمين that the child grows up not asking about his muslim brothers فلا يشاريكم افراحهم the child grows up not wanting to know the happiness of other people he doesn't make him he wants it for himself كل شيء ولا يشاريهم and he wouldn't participate in there uh in their good times and their moments the child becomes like that فهذه التربية المما يفسد المرؤة it destroys the child's dignity ويقتل الاستقامة it kills the child's steadfastness ويقضي على شهامتي والشجع it takes away from the child's courage and bravery how many parents do we know who don't nurture their children upon what على معالي الأمور high aspirations وانما يربيهم but rather what they nurture their children is upon what كما تربى the way that you nurture an animal or a pet that they have at home هسي خلص they don't set a high goal for the child فلا همه من أولادي إلا مطعمهم وملبسهم all that he thinks of his child's تربية is food what my child gonna drink what my child gonna eat that's it أما معدى ذلك فلا يخطر له ببال the parent doesn't have any of that in his mind for his child and from this what comes out is a child who's what ومن هنا ينشأ الولد وبليدا ساقة تلهمة قليل المرؤة you are now going to have a child who's dim with it a child who has low aspiration a child who has no morality or dignity from here you are now raising your own enemy in your own household many people are some people are opposite to what we mentioned what do they do to their children they are very harsh on their children they do they are very harsh to their children cruel to their children and ويقصوا عليه أكثر من اللازمي they show strictness to their children more than they should do you see them hitting the child they hit the child a beating that wounds the child has marks on the child for what lacking عند أدناء خطأ for the most basic things he's been his child up for it ويبالغ في تعني فيهم and he goes overboard in disciplining the child عند كل صغيرة وكبيرة he does that for everything whether it's small or it's little he will be his child up for everything that's what you find many ومنهم from the monks the people is من يحزأ بأولادي ولا يراء أنهم أهل الشيء من المكرماء ويجب أن this is the saddest one you find some parents they are belittling their children عندما يرى أنهم يعملون جدًا ويحصلون على شيء they never ever show their child that they appreciate their child's hard work i remember once upon a time when i was very little i felt that i wanted to please my parents and there was a digital radio and i wanted to clean it i wanted to make my parents very happy so what i did was i took a bucket of water and i poured it over the radio and exploded my aim was to take the water to يجب أن نضعه هناك ومن ثم نضعه ولكن ماذا حدث؟ الماء والألترسيطة ومجموعة أحد الأشياء التي أخبرتني was when my mother found out she scolded me and I told her my reason I said mom I wasn't just pouring water into it or I wasn't pouring water over it my reason was that I wanted to clean it for you mom so parents need to understand that that the muxel of the child was very good that you appreciated you thanked the child for it you said no problem you did a mistake now you learn electricity and water don't come together but your intentions were very good and I appreciate that if you stop your child from that you tell him off and you rebuke him for that he will never come forward to try something for you he won't show appreciation to your children even if it's something small make it look that you appreciate it that you see it your child comes and draws a picture for you appreciate the picture tell them how much it means to you and what they drew appreciate that all of that is if your child tells you he memorized something show them that you love it and you're happy with it this is something important there are some people لا يبقوا بمحدثة أولادي they don't have no conversation with their children ولا يلقي بالاً لتعليمهم أهداب الحديثي وطرائقه they don't want to have any dialogue with their children especially if you look at the elderly Somali and parents they look they feel degraded if they're told to talk to their children they feel degraded he's a little kid I don't sit with little kids that's what he says but remember today he's young and you choose not to talk to him when he becomes big and he becomes older remember this can affect you as a parent the way you abandoned him when he was young and you chose not to speak to him it would most likely affect you when you grow older and you want to just talk to him and he's like you're too old for me I can't talk to you remember كما تدينوا تودان your child conversation have it with him give him that time laugh with him have that heart-to-heart conversation with him these are qualities that brothers and sisters affect the child's طربية and when it affects the child's طربية your child's going to have high aspiration in life will work hard and be determined he will be consituous he will have resilience he will have forbearance and patience and certainty in what he does he will have courage and bravery these are qualities that you will see in your child you are the first teacher of your children think about what you're teaching them I'm going to stop there insha'Allah on anything which I've said that was wrong or incorrect it's from me and Shaytab and Allah and His messenger are both free from it سبحانك اللهم وبحمده 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