 Peace be upon you and welcome to our brand new show on Imam Hussain TV making a house a home. My name is Raghad and with me I have Fahima Muhammad, a qualified life coach and NLP practitioner who will be discussing how to overcome today's struggles faced by families within their homes. Today's topic will be how to build a better relationship with your children. Peace be upon you Fahima. Peace be upon you. Thank you for coming today. Thank you very much for having me. Can you start off by telling us a bit more about yourself and explaining to our viewers about life coaching and NLP? Yes, absolutely. Life coaching is something that you would turn to if you want to live in a much more fulfilled and happier life. If you want to be successful professionally and personally with all your relationships. So if you feel that you want to take your life to the next level then for everyday challenges and everyday issues this is life coaching for you. It's a safe space, it's non-directive, it's non-judgmental, non-biased and it will actually get you to air out whatever issues and you know whatever you feel without thinking that there is actually a problem that needs fixing because you don't actually need fixing. We believe that we use our clients' own potential to get them to whichever level and whichever standard in their life that they want to achieve. NLP on the other hand is a little bit more like therapy. So I combine the both with my practice. I do not just one-to-one coaching but I also do coaching within groups, whether it's in companies or institutes in schools and NLP is about understanding the way in which the human mind thinks and linguistics is about the language that we use and programming is the habits that we create. So that's neuro-linguistic programming so that's how it's broken down. And we can actually change the way we think, change the language we use and also being aware of our habits, change that to actually form better habits and form better ways in which we see things and with those paradigms that exist within us then we can actually create better lifestyles. So just to clarify to our viewers, live coaching isn't so much fixing a problem, it's more about enhancing what you already have or enhancing your lifestyle. Yes, definitely. And I'm not just qualified as a general life coach, I have actually been qualified in mindfulness coaching, relationship and couples coaching, existential, positive psychology and group and facilitation within companies and organisations. But today we'll be talking about coaching within the family between parents and their children. Yes. And children, when I say children we mean children of all ages, so from young children to- Adulthood. Adult children. Yes, absolutely. I think it's vital to understand that relationships will change over the time but at the same time it's important not just for parents to have good relationships with their children growing up when they're young but to build these sort of relationships that they can carry forward even into adulthood. Okay. Generally I think relationships is important obviously for our families, you know even if I go into companies you can be skilled and talented but if you don't have good relationships then even you won't be able to work properly. So you know it is my forte to discuss relationships in any sort of setting and obviously being in a family it's the most vital. So relationships starts off literally when you are a child, that's your first relationship with your parents. Absolutely. So your parents' relationship with you will more or less determine how you carry on your life. Yes, of course. You know when we are you know come into this world our bond and our connection and our you know existence is mainly with our family members and siblings and you know extended relations. So it's important to understand the impact of the relationships that you have in your home and that is carried forward you know how you are at school, how you are you know with your colleagues and how you are with anyone generally and it does stem from the foundations of the house. Of course. These do show that you know having good relationships does you know relax our mind, you know it helps us with our nervous system and you can have all the materialistic you know requirements that you need in your home or in your life but without good relationships there is never real happiness and fulfilment. Yeah a lot of parents who don't make the time or the effort to build other good relationships with their children end up just buying them loads of goodies and they call them and gifts thinking that it will enhance the relationship or enhance the atmosphere at home. Yeah I mean that's why the understanding here today is mainly or even for this show is to help with my studies previously knowing about today's psychology like everyone's talking about mindfulness and positivity and even existentialism which is about you know finding meaning and purpose in life. So all of these things exist around us today and I want to bring that with today's psychology as well as the way in which we live you know in Islam as Muslims and with the teachings of the Ahlul Bayt and everything that's been taught in today's psychology I've always found it very easy to refer to it being exactly that and we always think that it's difficult to have our religion you know you know enforced in our everyday lives but actually it isn't it's just named differently it's labeled differently so I'm trying to bring the two together to make parents to make children to make families understand that everything that's happening around us is within our religion and you're saying about some people sometimes religion can make it more difficult but in fact no religion can make it easier because it's giving us the right guidelines, the right directions of what's better for the family what's better for the children so in fact it goes hand-in-hand religion and lifestyle absolutely and it's just the way we look at things I mean life coaching just opens up a new avenue and a new perspective and it helps you sort of see things in not so very you know narrow minded view and our religion it might have been started many many centuries ago but at the same time it is very current and that's why I find that it's important to discuss you know how we should live and how to take our religion forward and you know it is modern it is you know upcoming it's just the way where we you know discuss all these issues and we bring it into our households and make our children understand but we have to have that understanding first as adults as parents so that we can you know filter these sort of information so that we can have the best relationships we can and it starts really with the parents a lot of people come to me saying that their children need coaching and they cannot control their children but I find when I have a word with the parents I think they need the coaching first because children are especially at a young age they just mirror us and they they sort of like copy what we do and it's not just what they see you know how we act to them we have to actually be a certain way even when we are talking to other people outside for example if we're in a car and there's a bit of like you know tension with traffic and there's road rage if you as a parent it's going to carry on and react and you know respond in a particular way that's what your child is watching a lot of parents do do feel all my child's out of control or I don't know what to do with with the child that we take into life coaching or therapy and they just forget they do forget that actually it starts with them as parents even when the child is a still a baby you think that he doesn't understand actually he's watching your every move he's watching your every bit of angle your every bit of shouting and that's where it all starts having said that it's never too late is it no absolutely not I know everyone says it's good to start from a young age yes ideally it is but you know even if you start from a young age the connections can be broken the bonds can be you know a little bit you know uneasy at certain stages because we all grow we all change but we need to understand that changes in it inevitable and with anything in life let alone children growing up and we need to understand their psychology you know as parents it is a gift to be and it's a blessing but we can't take it lightly and we can't take it for granted we need to educate ourselves nowadays we need to sort of you know not just bring our children up the way our parents brought us up we need to understand that the way in which they think the environment they're in and we need to bring them up in certain ways because of our own learning and our thoughts are so important and it's narrated even Imam Ali aleyhi salam as you know I said like what's your thoughts because they become your words what your words because they become your actions what your actions because they become your habits what your habits because they become your character and what your character because they become your destiny and that's really powerful just from your thought and we think that we can think whatever we want and we can actually do something and our children should be told and conform in a different way to the way we do things but actually it doesn't work that way yes big mistake that all parents do a lot of parents okay I can do that but I won't do it in front of my children yes or I'll teach my children that what I'm doing is wrong not don't do that and I do see a lot of parents they'll do something and then they'll tell their children please don't be like me I'm doing it wrong but I realize that your children as you said earlier mirror everything you do subconsciously and they will go for the ones that you really don't want them to do so it's really important that like you said you know we have to be role models you want something good for someone else then you have to be that way you know you have to treat people like how you want to be treated a lot of people have problems with behavior as well in their children and it stems from you know understanding child development knowing that their memory is different they will forget and when they're young you have to be you know reminding them a little bit more it might be frustrating but it's the way you as a parent look at that why would you find it frustrating when you know that their memory is not as good we as adults cannot you know remember all the time but it's your attitude attitude is really important and yes we are nowadays especially in our households with everything with technology with the advancements in so much but the household you know lifestyle is declining you know there's lots of you know high rates of divorce and separation you know relationships between spouses are not even friendly anymore so that children don't even see the mom and dad getting along so they don't get along with their siblings how they know what it's like to be friendly exactly that's they think it's the norm isn't it yes and how about the parents now what you're saying about parents being a role model how about the parents that say actually we're at work most of the day and we only get to see our children about two or three hours during a day and that mainly with their with the nanny or in the nursery how would they how would you tell them how would you tell them how would you guide them in being a good role model to their children that's a very interesting question a lot of parents complain about time one point is that time is what you know you want to make of it and with my mindfulness it's not about how much time you have it's about what you do with that time and if you focus on the time that you have doing what you need to do spending that quality time with your child and focusing that you know that we're going to do certain activities and we're going to spend certain amounts of time say before bed or you know during bath time or dinner time where we're gonna have conversations then those five minutes ten minutes half an hour or whatever it is that you spread along the week can be just as vital because they are parents that stay at home and they can be in front of their children all the time but they're not actually with their children okay not actually spending time with them so even those two three hours can be utilized in a positive way absolutely a good example to your children in that two or three hours well that's what mindfulness teaches us which is around every time it's about being focused in the moment that you're in and making the best of it doesn't matter how long you have you can still have a really good and great and amazing impact on your child you have to have organization skills you have to have routine you have to have discipline and you have to be your word and your children need to see that if you make a promise you've got to keep it too and if you say that you know there's certain things you're going to take away from them if you're going to like you know I wouldn't say punish them you know it's very harsh because I don't like it's about positive discipline so it's about making them understand why they're being told certain things and why things being taken away from them because of these these are the consequences because discipline is all about trying to help them have more self-control yeah and speaking of discipline that's where a lot of the working parents go wrong because they feel so guilty leaving their children all day long so they feel like you they don't want to discipline the child yes because they don't want to lose the child's love but you're saying discipline is actually very important no matter how how much you you feel that you don't want to hurt the child's feelings or you don't want to distance the child you're saying that's actually very important and it brings them yes I mean that's why it goes back to understanding child development and psychology you have to read up about it at the end of the day we need to build children for the next generation who are strong and motivated who know what it's like to be in a team who know that life is tough you're not going to get everything you're not going to have everything that you want but at the same time you know you're going to provide them the safety the security the welfare that they need but without the over-spoiling because you feel guilty you don't need to feel guilty you're providing for them in many ways which they don't understand and see you don't need to tell them but as they get older they will understand but if you're going to spoil them and if you're gonna have them take advantage over those things you know children are also getting clever nowadays they're very clever so they will also write on you yes they will write on you and you will actually lose control over them they sense the guilt yes they sent the fear yes they sent lack of control absolutely they know how to play with that absolutely and when you want children growing up in a particular way with good behavior it's good to have rules and regulations it's set its routine because they feel safe then they know that this is what needs doing and it actually sets them into a really good habit for later on and that's when parents find that as teenagers or when they start you know secondary school they have no organization skills they have to be on top of them even when they're older only because those routines have not been set from a young age and even if you have got grandparents or nannies whoever they are looking after your children you need to have that you know that sort of level of communication and of relationship with them to sort of you know tell them this is how I want my child to be brought up the strict rules and regulations can be carried forward by the whoever's looking after them yes and it should be yeah those things should be discussed so that you know the children know and have been told and there has to be communication that certain things have been said and done you know the day has carried on with a routine that you would normally set as well so they realize that it's followed through you know with the nanny the grandparent as well as the parents yeah I met two children a while ago and we were faced by a mother who was chatting at her children giving them instructions telling them I think not to run on something and the two children turned around and told me you know what I'm really glad that my parent my parents are strict with me because that way they never shouts at me because I know exactly what I need to do all the time so my mom actually never shouts at me and I was actually I was taking back by that I just thought wow that's actually it's coming from a child who appreciates his parents having strict rules and regulations so that the parents don't have to constantly shout at them constantly throw instruction at them yes yes that is a good point but at the same time now that you say that parents that do feel they don't have control because it's not easy you do have difficult children the different characters and parents get overwhelmed and it's very very normal to sort of feel that you know you are pressured by outside you know environment your own work and then it's very easy to lash out so you need to have practices like meditation it's really healthy for you and your child and even if they're young and it only takes literally three to five minutes if they're sitting in silence reflecting for the day in Islam it says to reflect it says to have that so when you and your child are doing this together it's such a good way of bonding and connecting it's a good way of getting them to be a disciplined child and actually being in the moment so that when you find that they are actually misbehaving your reactions a lot calmer and you're actually reacting you're responding so as a life coach when you think reflecting and meditating would it be a good idea as a family to come together for that five minutes and do something like Salah Jama'a and then all praying for something that you all want as a family like you know to go on a holiday or even a bigger home or an extra sibling you know to all come together and pray for that one thing that everyone in the family wants routine is important even when it comes to your Salah it's not about being robotic and explaining to your children that this is what the rules are in Islam it's about having them understand the meaning and you know having them actually understand why we're doing certain things and when you have that door is important that will enhance and help you with your relationship and with your connections with your children and I find that even if you don't want to bring so much like all the time Islam says this Islam says that you don't need to bring those labels in especially for children which they don't have that you know understanding yet for young children so you know there are meditations which is grounding meditation which just helps them you know just feel safe in their home just to know that their parents are there they have you know they're setting around them in a particular way that keeps them you know really safe and that's what you know children really want is to feel safe and secure and if your family your parents can give that to you then they will turn to you always knowing that they can come to you for anything because you've already set that foundation yeah so what my question to you is can you put Salah under the umbrella of meditation? Absolutely I mean you know Salah if you were to actually perform it with the right intention it is actually that kind of feeling anyway right of feeling you know revitalized if we understood you know what it actually brings out for us and made our children understand it it's not just a robotic routine it's not on autopilot that we just got to do these set things and take it off the boxes yeah because that's what we do even as adults it's something that we come all together like I said feel safe even feel safe the knowledge that Allah can protect us family and guide us and hopefully give us direction and give us what grants us what we ask for as well at the end it gives them a bit of ambition a bit of just this kind of feeling of you know feeling really like you know we belong you know children want to feel that they belong and they're connected and people we say well you know there's it's so difficult with time but I'm sorry but the same parent will have time if there was a gather if there was some they'll be fully make up and you know it come back from work and they'll arrange it so it's not about time she'll come back from work she's got everything ready the dress is out on the bed I'm going out but but the day that she wants to sit with her kids or her children she'll you know I need to cook and I need to do other things now so you know we all have yes we have to have that mindset that we are giving a responsibility we are given a responsibility when we have children don't take it lightly we are accountable for our deeds not just for ourselves but what we transfer to our children and whatever deeds they have in the future we can have a big impact by the way in which we teach them we bring them up and their choices as adults will reflect that even if they make mistakes no one's gonna say you're gonna have perfect children but we can catch them when they fall they will hopefully not make mistakes that are too severe they will come out of their mistakes and make the right choices in the end it's not about perfection it's about correcting yourself it's about knowing that if you've done wrong you can admit it and you can correct it and you can make it right and it's about doing the best we can for our children yes okay Fahima thank you very much I think we're coming towards the end of the first half of our show and hopefully after the break we'll be taking some questions from the viewers regarding building better relationships with their children and how they can be empowered as parents how can how can they give the confidence to their children and just really answer the questions that they have and thank you so much thank you very much welcome back to our show making a house a home where today we are discussing how to build a better relationship with your children for sister Fahima we have some questions from our viewers that just wanted to know how to build better relationship with their children or where they can improve or where they're going wrong so I have the first question from sister Zahra a lot of the time my child does things which I need to correct him for or tell him off for how can I make my relationship better with him if I'm telling him off often I mean that is obviously a problem which I always get questioned about and we have to have a different attitude as parents firstly we have to understand that as I mentioned before that children will be forgetful and our responses and reactions do have an impact and we have to understand that children's behavior is normally their way of showing how they feel it's their emotions so you need to be aware of what exactly is the consistency within which they be misbehaving and that's one point I can't go exactly on to detail because I don't know the exact misbehavior of the actual scenario but overall I would say find out from your child you know is there really something that they don't understand like if you're telling them to do certain things you have to explain it to them in a certain way whether it's in a story whether it's giving them some sort of like idea of the consequences of them misbehaving and what happens because a lot of the time we just direct information to them without giving them sort of understanding why they should not do it and it's better not to even say why they should not do it but actually just guide them as to what they should do so all they have because it's a very small amount of information that children can handle so instead of being negative all the time and saying you shouldn't do this because say you should do this because so it's the way in which you give information to your children so that's why language is important the kind of words you use has to be positive the kind of reaction that you give them and the attitude and you should have you have to be patient because children at a young age I'm assuming this child is young that if they're being told constantly then you know they're probably also trying to seek attention because maybe I'm just assuming that that's the only time you may even give them the attention is when they're being told off so that's something to consider as well and she was more she was quite concerned about how not to ruin her relationship with her child by telling him off possibly she can think about the way she tells him off I wouldn't say tell off at all yeah it's about explaining it's about reasoning yes or guiding rather than telling off it's positive discipline yeah because we're trying when we're trying to give information to children especially when it comes to discipline it's about having them you know take control themselves giving them self-control and disciplining themselves so if you look at disciplining in that way you will not be angry angered by what they do because you're just thinking of teaching them and even if it's the teaching which is constant and they're totally getting it wrong you have to check yourself it always comes down to you so going back to the nlp kind of thing isn't it it all starts off with how you think how you're thinking if you're thinking negatively about this child he's naughty he's horrendous he's doing this on purpose and obviously you're going to lash out on him yes whereas if you're thinking in a positive way he's just learning yes he needs a winding he's expressing himself yes then you'll you'll react differently won't you yeah I mean there are children that will play around and they will do things which is deliberate but then again that's also them expressing their emotions so if they feel that they're doing if you feel that they're doing certain things to constantly get your attention then obviously attention needs to be given and that needs to be you know you need to take a step back and analyze the whole scenario and situation as well especially when there's more than one sibling involved and if one sibling is playing up because maybe they're not getting the attention that they require and they're only getting the attention is when they're doing something bad and the parents giving them that sort of like you know feedback and I understand even from the question that you've asked is that children you know she wants to praise her children more and yes children need praise but don't make it fake make sure that the praise is given in that moment so when you actually see your child behaving and acting in a particular way call them out straight away and say you know I just noticed you just share with your brother or sister and you know that's very very you know amazing that you could do that adequate praising yeah over praising because sometimes over praising the child he becomes a bit you know of a confident you know thinking yeah I mean children are generally confident you know they do feel like they can express themselves and sometimes it's a good thing sometimes it's not so it's not about that it's about giving them sort of something to look forward to doing again you know so that's what I mean with the positive stuff so when they when you catch them out doing certain things that are good a kindness act you know a good gesture or whatever it may be or being polite to their to the other family members if they came from somewhere to visit or whatever it may be then you actually are you know encouraging that child to do it again instead of saying yeah and don't compare them to other children compare them to their previous behavior always compare them to themselves to show them that they can improve they are improving and there's always room for more improvement yeah that's much more healthier and even going back to telling off you can say yes you were such a good boy you done this this this what's going on today yeah that's another way of yeah there could be something that happened at school yeah yeah absolutely okay I have another question from sister Rukhaya and she asks if the child is being looked after by a nanny or a grandparent then how can I hold on to the same connection we discussed this a little bit earlier but could you discuss that a bit more of course like I said the connection between parent and child you know is is like it's it's it's a spirit which is like a bond which is natural and you can only create that and build that by the communications that you have with them and it's not just communication like verbally it's the physical side of it it's the physiology side of it so you know hug them a little bit tighter make them feel you know that they actually you know they are still important children only want as every adult does it's just to feel that comfort and that safety and security and like I said you know those quality times needs to be you know really focused on the child when they're there in front of you and give them that space give them the time to talk and even talk about yourself and your day and open up so that they will open up back to you so um and you have to have a good relationship with the person that's looking after your children because you know maybe a phone call during the day or a text message can be received and that could be relayed by the nanny or the grandparent to say your mom's thinking about you your dad saying hello or vice versa you know if you want to have a word with mommy we'll send her a text and if she's busy she'll text back so there's always constant communication that there's thought there doesn't mean that you know they're not there they totally out of your life so you need to also when you come back ask what their day like listen to them listen to them not just the children but also whoever's looking after them okay so whoever's looking after them you need to have that connection so that you become a team yeah and speak in front of the children so that the children can see there's a teamwork going on here and you are concerned you are concerned you are interested and you're taking time to actually you know be aware ask ask about them yes okay um seems like we have a lot of questions about working parents okay um and uh i've got another question from someone who hasn't put their name down that's fine it says can working parents have some connection as one who who is at home i think like i said when you're at home you can be so easily distracted as well thinking that you're with your child and you're giving them attention but actually i find that when you're away you give more quality time so that could be looked at as that as well yes it depends on what kind of a parent you are in coaching we identify four different types of parenting you know and obviously you know there's a parent that totally dismisses their child and doesn't really take any interest in their child there's the other parent that is more taking interest in their child's behavior and emotions but not actually acting upon it saying you feel this way and they will take note but they don't know how to deal with it then you have the one that actually understand want to pay interest doesn't want to fix it for them but wants to see it from their perspective you know when you have children we want to fix it we want to you know do things for them but actually does harm we need to see things from their side of you know the set their side of the world as well there's perspective especially teenagers yeah that's when you build a connection because you're not just informing them you're not just advising them you're actually understanding from their perspective first and you know even in adult conversations if you try and be empathetic there's a difference between sympathetic and empathetic empathetic is putting yourself in someone else's shoes it's very quite impossible it's very important that you try and put yourself in your children's shoes first so your children could actually say that you know mom and dad are actually you know trying to see it from my side even if they don't agree with me and in coaching it will help you you know ask questions for whatever decisions your children have and have made so that you understanding them and they themselves will see if it's the wrong or right and if they don't then you can guide them okay yeah a lot of moms i think feel that because they're working the stay at home moms are actually doing a better job but like i said it's not necessarily true a lot of stay at home moms are busy branching busy shopping and you know not saying that that's the issue but that's the case yeah but that is what a lot of stay at home moms do anyway so i don't think that working moms should be too hard on themselves i just always will come across to say no matter whether you're working or not working whether you feel that you have time or no no time it's your mindset if you have interest if you have awareness if you have that real you know way of being with yourself and filtering it down to your children five minutes or an hour would not make a difference to you you have a strong mind to take interest in your child's work to be there for them that even if you say one sentence could be more impactful than being at home all day and just talking a lot of you know something that doesn't have any impact at all so it's about you being a certain way we need to assess ourselves continuously we need to understand who we are first we need to know our values and our beliefs and we need to relay that to our children for example you know when we make a promise the most important thing in islam is you know keeping your promise people say i have the right intention and you know it didn't work out but you know what if you had the right intention that promise would be shown in that action and if you cannot do that for your children and disappoint them then how else are you going to be looked upon in the rest of society remember our prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam peace be upon him and our family was only chosen as well um one of the reasons was because he was trustworthy before he became the prophet he had those qualities and characteristics beforehand so we need to build children with the morals and the virtues that we see all around us even in the imams times of struggle times of difficulty how to be you know a certain way but we have to be that first as parents then we can teach that to our children yeah i think that's where life coaching comes in because other parents who are working carry guilt and that's where you can come in you can change that guilt into how to make it better and how to improve the relationship how to build the relationships in that small amount of time so why should a parent go to sleep with the guilt in their heart they should be able to sleep knowing that they've done their best and tomorrow will be a better day and you know the time is five point imams they had so much struggles and we always think that at the end of the day we can't do what they do we cannot be as good but they managed that in the most severe times and our times in this day and age in the countries that we live in we have so much around us we put the pressure on ourselves we want the bigger house we want the bigger cars we want the extra pay and yes of course you know we have to live a certain lifestyle but we put the pressure on ourselves so at the end of the day we have to also step back a bit and know what's our priorities if we're going to you know want that expensive car we're going to work hard for it but at what cost so we need to analyze how we live in our homes you know we want to develop ourselves but how do we develop ourselves you know are we going to leave a legacy where it's like a big house and a big car and a business or is it building children for generations that actually going to follow through and you know help people around us and actually build better societies and generations to come so we have to take responsibility even if we don't we're not parents we have to conform a certain way according to our values and our beliefs so that we can actually show people in society that you know living in this life is more than just the materialistic things more than just conforming to just our secular education it's more than that because that's why problems are occurring today because there's absolutely no understanding and no meaning and that's where the value is lost in our homes okay so just one more question before we finish off and I think it's a good question to finish off with okay so this is a question from Fatima and she wants to know what is the impact of a good relationship for a child that is growing into adulthood um like we said we can build and break relationships and connections throughout the stages but obviously if you do have a really good bond from a young age and you have built that you know connection with your child it will carry forward as adults as well and um because you need someone to look back on you need someone to sort of feel that you know they're looking at you to actually give you that support and that guidance and you want to make them feel proud of you and when you have a set way of living and believing with the right values and morals behind it then obviously as an adult you're going to make the right choices and decisions and you're going to carry those teachings from when you were brought up to your own lifestyle so obviously the impact is huge and even in psychology you know it only takes one word that is negative that a child might hear and they can carry it through adulthood thinking that that's how and who they are yeah so there's many studies to show that actually you know bringing up children is very very vital as to how they grow into adults and if there's one bad parent or if there's one word that's constantly being used to describe or label a child they will believe that within themselves even silently and you know it could actually have a negative impact just comes to show how much impact and how much you have how much of an importance you have to your child that even if you call him something like silly it will stay with him that's what i am i'm silly they label themselves they label themselves upon what you have labeled them yes and it just comes to show how important we are as parents and to guide them into their adulthood and who they become definitely yeah thank you for being here for him and i hope our viewers enjoyed today's discussion and hopefully we'll be back next week for more discussions on how to make a house a home if you've been affected by the following topics raised in this episode please contact your local gp or for here on the hand on coach fm one at hotmail.com