 We are now seeing a lot of anxiety. We are seeing people who don't know how to be in the presence of others because they're so used to getting busy and being busy. What's up, everybody, and welcome to the show today. We drop great content each and every week, and we want to make sure that you guys get notified. And in order to do that, you're going to have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. I believe that we naturally have healthy boundaries. And in our child rearing and learning from adults, we are taught that it's not OK to have boundaries. We are taught that saying no is mean, that you have to almost be a people pleaser. Many of us are raised to be people pleasers and then told, go into the world and be assertive. Tell people what you think. Stand up for yourself. And we come from households where we could not stand up for ourselves. Well, we couldn't tell our parents, our teachers, our family members, what we actually thought or what we wanted. So it's a very interesting concept to be raised, to be permissive, and then told once you turn 18, now go be assertive. In my household, there was a rule when I was a teenager and basically summer vacation, the rule was if my dad had come home from work and had found me in the house, that meant that I had nothing to do. So then my dad would give us chores to do. So in order to escape the chores, I always had something to do. I was always gone. I was always outside the house. And because of that, I had to entertain myself. So I had become incredibly independent. And in reading your book, I was now realizing how that rule and how that independence that I had trained myself with to get out of chores affected the way I deal with people in my own life. And I'm incredibly independent. And a lot of times I have to let people in. Yeah, sometimes when we are in this space of doing everything for ourselves, we no longer allow people to jump in and help us. But there is really no such thing as independence because to be human is to be dependent. Now parents, it sounds like your parents in particular, they have this idea that doing nothing means that you should be doing something, but it's so interesting how the world is moving towards rest, doing nothing, taking it easy. We're having to teach people this because you were taught, be busy, go do stuff. Why are you laying there? And I remember some of that too. My grandfather would say, why are you taking a nap? It's like because I'm tired. That's why I'm napping. I'm not doing it for fun. But yeah, there has to be this sort of allowance for people to do nothing, even children, just to rest. Because that overactivity, we are now seeing a lot of anxiety. We are seeing people who don't know how to be in the presence of others because they're so used to getting busy and being busy. How do we slow that process down and now allow people in? We drop great content each and every week and we wanna make sure that you guys get notified and in order to do that, you're gonna have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. What's so funny about that anecdote is growing up for me, I was always overachieving in school and in all these activities, trying to prove myself to my dad and then I would come home and I'd be given chores. And I would say, just let me relax a while. Just let me breathe a little bit and then I'll start the chores. And it became such a catchphrase that he would tease me for. He had a shirt made that said, just let me relax a while. And he gave it to me and that was my excuse of trying to get out of chores. But that same thing, not learning boundaries, wanting to please him, wanting to make sure that not only did I achieve at school, but then I was achieving in the household, became very hard for me to speak up assertively. And in a lot of the way that I approached dealing with my family members, it was impolite to speak up and say, no, I can't eat anymore. No, I would not want to go do that right now. I just want to relax. That was just completely unacceptable in my household and I would get scolded coming back from visiting extended family members when I did speak up around those needs. And I feel like that book really helped me see this pattern in myself and now I am bringing it into adulthood, but I never would have connected it with boundaries. So could you share with our audience what you mean by boundaries for those who might be struggling to understand as well? Boundaries are lifestyle practices, choices that keep you safe and comfortable in your relationships, not just with others, but also with yourself. Boundaries can be saying something like, I just need a moment to rest or even just taking that rest. Thank goodness for adulthood. A lot of times we are in control of what the boundary is. We don't have to say, please let me do this thing, dad. Now we're dadding ourselves for like you need to go and have a seat, Nedra. I am now talking to me as if I am my parent. Go to bed early so you can get up well rested, Nedra. So the table shift and we become the person who is now responsible for implementing those boundaries with ourselves. Well, I know we hear all the time that communication is important in relationships. And a lot of times when we aren't being assertive and communicating, we're not telling our friends, family members or partners how we are feeling internally. It's very easy for them to walk over these boundaries. They're invisible. They don't know that we're feeling this way inside and we leave a lot of people to mind read and try to guess. And oftentimes they'll just revert to their boundaries, what's comfortable for them. So how do you know that these boundaries are something that you need to start working on communicating? What are some of the signals or signs where those in our audience who need to be more assertive can recognize, hey, maybe this is an area for a boundary for me. Our feelings tell us what we need to know when we listen and pay attention. When we're feeling anxious about certain interactions with people, anxious after we've said yes to something, is it a sign that it's something we don't wanna do? It couldn't be a sign that we've overextended ourselves when we are sad, when we are uncomfortable, frustrated in particular, burnt out. Oftentimes when we are in need of healthier boundaries, we experience burnout. We feel like giving up on everything, just leaving the house and everything in it and run it away. That is a sign that there are some boundaries that are needed. I think of what you mentioned earlier about coming home from school and then being asked to clean the house. The adult version of that is getting off work and then having to cook dinner, do laundry, clean the house. It is a lot to manage as humans all of the things that we have to do. If I were to write down all of the things on a sheet of paper, I would probably cry because it just, it's tires rotated, get teeth cleaned, clean the baseboards, change the filters. I mean, all of the things we have to do in doing all of those things, it is so important for us to also make space to do nothing, to not have something to do every day after work and over busy ourselves with life.