 J.E.S. Health Health, oh! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harris in his orchestra. The orchestra opens a program with Latin Quarter from Gold Diggers in Paris. Every woman knows there's something mighty satisfying in being not only a good cook, but a thrifty cook as well. And you'll find Jell-O is a big help in planning thrifty meals. It costs only a few cents a package and one package serves the average family generously. Jell-O makes a perfect dessert, appetizing, attractive, delicious. Or it brings you that extra-rich fruit flavor, a flavor that's deep and luscious and satisfying. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime, all six flavors are crammed with this extra-rich goodness that makes Jell-O a hit with the whole family every time. It's so good to eat you can serve it several times a week. And it's so economical you can afford to serve it just as often as you like. Be sure to get genuine Jell-O. Don't accept any substitutes for Jell-O's grand extra-rich fruit flavor. Look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. Latin Quarter played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, this being our next to the last broadcast of the season, we bring you a little man who had a busy year, Jack Benny. Thank you very much. Well, again, this is Jack Benny talking, and Don, you're right. I'm just about worn out. Naturally, week after week with radio and pictures, it takes a lot out of you. Well, at that, Jack, for a man who works as hard as you do, you're in excellent shape. How do you hold up so well? Where do you get all that energy? Well, I'll tell you, Don, with Popeye, it's spinach. But with me, it just comes natural. Of course, I do have an egg mall now and then, you know? Oh, but no kidding, Jack. It's really amazing how you keep in such good condition. Oh, it is, Don. It is. Well, only this morning, when I was shaving, I looked right square in the mirror and I said to myself, Jack Benny, how do you do it? How do you do it? I'll tell you, it's unbelievable. Yes, it is, Jack, but I must repeat, you look marvelous. Thanks, Don. Thanks. Say, Jack. Yes, Phil. You know, that's a pretty bad sign when you start talking to yourself. Well, I wasn't really talking to myself. I was just thinking out loud. Don't you ever think out loud, Phil? Not around here, you'd fire me. Now, wait a minute. This is a free country and a free program. Nobody has to be afraid to speak their minds around here. Well, they don't? No. Well, in that case, Jack, you look lousy. Now, don't you chime in, Harris. After the carousing around you've done, you don't look so hot yourself. I don't know about that. Well, only this morning, when I was shaving, I looked right square in the mirror and said to myself, Phil, Harris, you're cute. I'll bet you looked cute first thing in the morning. I do after I take the curlers out of my hair. Listen, Phil, any man that would put curlers in his hair before going to bed, well, what do you think of that, Don? Don't look at me. I wear a chin strap. Well, you could use one. Hey, Phil, do you wear a chin strap, too? That ain't a sunbond that I sleep in. Well, that kills me. What you fellas won't do to look beautiful. Hello, Jack. Oh, hello, Mary. They very want to hear something Phil sleep with curlers in his hair, and Don wears a chin strap. Isn't that awful? It certainly is. Even if I weren't handsome, I'd never go that far. Of course not. Tell them about that argument you had with your laundry man yesterday. There was no argument. What wasn't, Mary? Mary, if you tell them, I'll fix you. Come on, Mary, what was the argument with the laundry man? Well, Jack was mad because they ripped the lace off his shorts. That wasn't lace. They were just frayed at the bottom. What were they frayed of? Well, just to think of answering that makes me ill. Anyway, I don't go around trying to beautify myself like those two guys. Oh, no. I saw you in the barber shop this morning under a mud pack. A mud pack? Yeah. Well, that was just a sample. The barber was trying to sell me a piece of property. I hope he had better luck than the boot black. Every time you go to shine your shoes, you sit on your feet. Well, I had on black shoes and white socks, and I wanted them to stay that way. Oh, hello, Kenny. Hello, Jack. Oh, boy, am I all in? I tell you, I'm exhausted. Wow. Kenny, if you're exhausted, you don't come in here like a cyclone. Now come in again. OK. Hello, Kenny. Hello, Jack. Am I all in? I tell you, I'm exhausted. All right, Kenny, you didn't have to fall down. Now get up. Imagine a young kid like you exhausted. What from, singing a song once a week? Well, don't forget, I have to take bowels when it's over. Oh, I suppose that's a lot of work. Well, now on, Kenny, when you sing your song, just eliminate the bowels. Not me. I'm a ham. You're certainly getting to be, and it's not nice. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, huh? You should talk. You're so hammy. Your eyes look like two fried eggs. Well, they're large, if that's what you mean. I've always been told I have very big and expressive eyes. In fact, I often use a soup bowl for an eye cup. I really do, huh? No, I do. I do. I think you have lovely eyelashes, too. Thanks, Phil, but there are nothing now. You should have seen the long eyelashes I had when I was a kid. How long were they? How long? They used to call me cow catcher. That's how long. Oh, I was the envy of the whole neighborhood. You know, Jack, it's too bad you haven't got those long eyelashes now. Why? You could pin them back over your head. Yes, I could. Of course, every time I'd wink, I'd tip my hat. You know what I'm talking about? Isn't that a silly routine? No kidding. I don't think I'm so bad looking myself. No, you're not, Jenny. In fact, you're quite attractive. I'll say. Why, only this morning, when I was here, I looked right square in the mirror, and I said to myself, hey, baby, there's no getting around it. You're the nut. All right. But you know, fellas, I think we ought to stop. I think we ought to stop all this bragging. Oh, no, not that I've had my inning, Jack. I think I'm handsome, too. You do, Don? Why, yes. Only this morning, I looked right square in the mirror, and said to myself, Don Wilson, why don't you run down to your nearest grocer and buy a package of jello. It comes in six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. And did you do it, Don? I didn't have to. My pantry was full of it. Well, then sing, Kenny, while we're in such a happy mood. Wait a minute. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes? Don't you think I have beautiful eyes? Why? Just an old potato. Goodbye. Oh, I'd like to mash him. Sing, please. The Glow. A whisper sung by Kenny Baker. And Kenny, stop bowing. No wonder you're exhausted there. Well, I got some new suspenders on, and I want to break him in. Oh. Well, anyway, Kenny, your song was very good. And you know, folks, that's the last time this season you'll hear Kenny Baker sing. He's flying to New York tonight, right after the broadcast. And Wednesday, he sails for England, where he's going to make a very important picture for Alexander Korda. What's it going to be, Kenny? I'm going to play the leading role in the macaddo. Well, well. Oh, that's well, Kenny. Congratulations. That's marvelous, the macaddo. I know you'll be great in it, Kenny. I hope so. Say, Jack, what's a macaddo? Spine is going to play the macaddo and don't know what it is. Well, what is it? Well, Mary, a macaddo is a sort of a, well, it's a kind of a. Is it like an avocado? Not exactly, Kenny. A macaddo is a, well, it's a precious stone. I know that much. Jack, Jack, macaddo is the title for the emperor of Japan. That's it, that's it. The emperor, a man that wears precious stones. You didn't say that at all. You said a macaddo was a precious stone. I did not. I said the macaddo was a man that wears precious stones in his crown. And I'll leave it to anyone that wants to work on this program next year if I didn't. Well, that settles. If I'd have saved my money, it wouldn't be. Oh, you saved your money, Harris. You always talk about spending, but you've got the first dollar you ever earned from me. That's blood money. I always save that. Now listen, Phil, blood money, nothing. Nobody here has any trouble getting their money out of me. I pay off, don't I, Mary? Yeah, like bank night in Glasgow. I was just trying to be funny. John, have I ever been late with your check? Oh, you haven't, Jack. I always get it on time. There you are. Of course, I'm bigger than you are. Your left leg is bigger than I am. But anyway, that has nothing to do with it. Jack always puts my salary under three walnut shells, but I never guess the right one. All right, Kenny. I was going to let you win next time, but now I won. Well, I think there's something fishy about the whole thing. Never mind that. Now tell us about your trip, Kenny. What boat are you sailing on? The Normandy. Oh, the Normandy. See, I made a round trip on that boat last year, and it was very deluxe. They even have neck rests on the portholes there. What state room have you got? Room 280 on Sea Deck. 280 on Sea Deck. Why I had that room. See, now there's a coincidence. You're going to Europe on the same boat, the same deck, and the same room. It's the same ocean, too. Yes, it is. And Kenny, as long as you've got the same state room, I wish you'd do me a favor. I left my washcloth in the bathroom there. Will you pick it up for me? Oh, sure, Jack. But how I know it's your washcloth. Got patches on it. That's a lie. Maybe. It's in good condition. Anyway, I hope you'll have a swell trip, Kenny, and that your picture in England will be a grand success. Thanks, Jack. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat for you. This being Father's Day, we have prepared an original. Come in, Andy. I mean, come in. Why, Andy, divine of all people. Some surprise. Well, how's the old mayor of Van Nye? OK, Buck. I got everything running smooth and under control. That's good. You know, Andy, I was beginning to think you were a high hat nut. You haven't shown up in a couple of weeks. Well, I've been pretty busy at the city hall. And besides that, I just put on a big beauty contest. Oh, a beauty contest? Well, there are a lot of pretty girls out in the valley in there. Yep. And you know, Buck, during the contest, Paul got slapped three times. Your Paul got slapped, eh? Was he one of the judges? No, he was just standing there. Oh. So he was acting up again. Where was your maw at the time? She was third from the end, Miss Pasadena. Well, there's certainly a lot of excitement being a mayor. Oh, say, by the way, Andy, Andy, Kenny won't be here next Sunday. He's leaving for England. Well, doggone, that's a surprise. Say, Kenny, can I take your place in next week? Sure, Andy, glad to have you. Hold on there. I got something to say about that. I'm afraid we can't use you, Andy. Your voice isn't that good. Oh, now, wait a minute, Buck. Did you ever hear me hit a high C? Only when you're talking. But I think we can manage next Sunday without a solo from you. And now, folks, getting back to our play, as I started to announce this being Father's Day, tonight we are going to present an original drama entitled Back Home in Indiana, or Clem Benny's Children. Now, I will play the part of Clem Benny, the father, and Mary Livingston will be my loving, loyal wife. We've been married nine under 40 years, and she still feels the same about me as the day we were married. You said it, boy. All right, Sadamo, and wait for the play. Anyway, Mary will be my wife. Phil Harris will be my oldest son. And Kenny. I'm going to be the Mikado. Not in this, you're not. You're going to be my youngest son. We also have a married daughter. And as we're short of actresses, Andy Devine will play. Now, wait a minute, Buck. Remember the dignity of my office. Well, we've got to have a girl, Andy. I can't have all sons. This house will look like the Elks Club. Shucks, I don't want to be a girl. Now, get into your dress, your honor, and shut up. Now, let's see. Announce my part, Jack. No, Don, I'm not going to tell anybody what it is. I want it to be a surprise. Gee, I can hardly wait. Control yourself, Don. Now, this play will go on immediately after the next number. Hit it, Phil. Hold it. Come in. Mr. Benny. Yes? Was I in here a little while ago? Yes, you were. You were an old potato. Well, I'm boiled now. Kenny, can't you take him to England with you? Play. We're from the mob in Scotland, plaid by Phil Harris and his orchestra. Do you hear that, Phil? Scotland plaid. I said plaid instead of plaid. I'll forget it if you will. Now, I thought that was clever, didn't you, Mary? Well, Jack, as long as you ask me personally, I thought that. Now for our play. Clem Benny's Children. The locale is the thriving little town of number two breakfast, Indiana. It is Father's Day. As the scene opens, we find Clem and his wife, Mariah, seated in the parlor of their broken down farmhouse. Curtain. Music. Dum, dum, deem. Yeah, da, da, deem. Dog gone, Mariah. Churri is hot today, ain't it? Yeah, Clem is a sizzler. The hens ain't laid nothing but three minute eggs for a week. I don't mind that so much, but I was milking the cow last night and scalded myself. We sure could do with a little rain around these parts. I'll say we could. We had an awful dry spell around here. I was out in the pasture this morning and found poor camels. Was there any shriners on them? No, they left town. But I think it's going to rain pretty soon. How do you know? I just got a buzz from my rheumatism. Say more, I wonder what's keeping the children. They ought to be here by now. Don't be impatient, Clem. Remember, they've got a long ways to come. That's right, but I haven't seen them for years and I'm mighty anxious. By the way, how many children have we got now? Well, let's see. There's Phillip, our oldest boy. He's a musician. A musician? Hmm. If he's a musician, Stakowski is a fuller brushman. That Phillip is about as musical as a bagpipe with asthma. I don't know how that would be. I never had the bagpipe. No, but with your asthma and my snoring, the bedroom sounds like an airport. Who else is coming, Ma? Well, there's our youngest son, Kenneth. He's a movie actor out in Hollywood. Oh, and the flickers, eh? That boy is just plain dumb. How did he get to be an actor? What else do you need? I resent that. Who else is coming home, Ma? Well, there's our daughter, Petunia. Oh, yes, little Petunia. Doesn't seem possible. She's been married two years. Well, it's during nights of all our children to come home on Father's Day. Wish they'd hurry and get here. Say, that must be one of our kids at the door now. Must be. The wolf went to Atlantic City for the weekend. I don't blame him in this heat. Come in. Hello, Ma. Hello, Paul. Happy Father's Day. Philip, my boy. Welcome home, my son. Here, Paul, I bought you a present. It's a combination safety razor and fountain pen. Thanks, son. I'll sit right down and write myself a lather. What's he doing, Philip, still playing in an orchestra? Oh, I've got a band of my own now. Curly Harris and his fugitives from a music lesson. Well, well. And you want to know something, Paul? I'm on the radio, too. Well, well, making any money? No, I'm working for a chiseler. Well, well, shut up. I wish Kenneth and Petunia would get here. I'm hungry. I could go for a nice, thick steak. Well, you chew it with. He ain't got no teeth. Don't eat any. I've got sharp gums. Well, Philip, before I forget it, I want to thank you for that old suit of clothes you sent me last month. Oh, did you like it? No, but there was a bottle of gin in the hip pocket. That wasn't gin that was rubbing alcohol. I should have guessed that. I had the DTs and the snakes were massaging each other. Well, let's go in and eat. I can't wait any longer. Lassie, the Kenneth and Petunia. Could be the landlord coming for the ranch. I'd better hurry up a little. I might have to vamp him. Well, this suspense is terrible. Come in. Why, Kenneth? Come in, my boy. Come in. Hello, Mater. Hello, Governor. Happy Pater's Day. Pater's Day, the Brats go on Hollywood. Well, Mother, how about a maternal kiss for your offspring? You hear that, Maure? He wants a kiss. Come near me, I'll slug him. Don't blame you. Go on, son. Take off your beanie and sit down. So you're a movie actress. Yes, Father. The cinema's beckoned and I have heated its call. Why, you little. Hold on, Maure. Don't throw him out. We'll get him a present. Come clean, son. What did you bring me for Father's Day? A crevette. That's crevette. Well, open up the package. Here it is. A crevette. I don't see nothing there but a necktie. Well, lift it up. It must be underneath. Why, Father, a crevette and a necktie are the same thing. Go on, you don't even know what a macaroon is. You didn't do so well with it either. Quiet, Maure. Oh, by the way, Kenneth, this is your brother Phil. How do you do? Glad to know you. You two ought to get together sometime. Come on, let's eat. My stomach's emptier than a theater when Fred Allen was playing Bordeville. Oh, some hillbilly goes around selling toothpaste. Is it any good? Don't know. Never ate any. Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee. Well, come on, kids. Let's go and chase the goat out of the dining room. Say, that must be Petunia now. Come in. My daughter. Hiya, Ma, hiya, Pa. Well, well, our own little Petunia, sweet and pretty as ever. Oh, gosh, Pa. Ain't you going to give your daddy a kiss? Not if I can get out of it. But I want to kiss Ma, though. Get the Petunia. I'll take a rain check. Well, daughter, did you bring me something for Father's Day? Sure did, Pa. Here it is, right in this basket. Where? Right here. Go ahead, lift up the blanket. OK. Well, I'll be sweet. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! A grandson, a dog gone Petunia. I never thought you'd be a mother. Neither did I. He sure is a cute little rascal. What's his name? Donald. Oh, hello, Donald. Goo, goo, goo. Hey, Mariah, look at our little grandson. Isn't he a cute baby? Some baby's got an inner tube for a teething ring. He sure has. Well, now that we're all here, let's go in and eat. Come on along, Petunia. I'm Starve. Oh, wait a minute, Pa. I want to go upstairs and shave. I'll shave later. Let's go in the dining room. Hey, wait! Did you hear that, Petunia? The baby said something. Why, those are the first words he's ever spoken. I'm sure Gladdy can talk. So am I. I'm sitting on a safety fin. Oh, the poor thing. Come here to grandpa. Shut up, Don. You're making a fool of yourself, playfield. Question, who likes chocolate ice cream? Answer, why, just about everybody. And now you can have perfect homemade chocolate ice cream, smooth, creamy, rich with chocolate, the kind you've always wanted to make. And here's the easy way to have it. Make it with jello freezing mix, and believe me, you'll be tasting the grandest ice cream you ever took out of your refrigerator. For that rich, luscious chocolate flavor is made by Walter Baker and company, and they've been making fine chocolate for over 150 years. That's why chocolate ice cream made with jello freezing mix is really something special. And it's so quick and easy to prepare, you'll be making it all the time. There's no fuss or bother with cookie. 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