 Good morning. Good morning to all the online students as well as the e-learning students Trust all of you are doing well we're at week eight of our class and We've come almost halfway through Learning we started last week learning about counselling skills and we are going to be moving forward learning another skill today And these skills are as we said are important for it's almost like a toolbox While we work with other people work with those in who are distressed so a Quick recap anyone remembers what we did the last week Anyone remembers what we did last week. Okay, if you don't remember here's a reminding of We started off with skills of attending we learned about Verbal and non-verbal ways of attending so we looked at the three bees Plus be that's the three bees being vocal verbal visual and bees the body language and these are all ways of non-verbal Attending we saw how we could also attend by listening and Observing we looked at some skills of active listening Paraphrasing reflecting feelings clarification summarizing I hope all of you didn't get a chance to see the video I had put it up on the Stream I trust you'll have got a chance to see that if not Please go back and Have a look at the video some of the skills are some we've picked up now Some maybe we're yet to talk about but nevertheless Whatever you're able to pick up it'll be helpful and useful if you can look back at the video Some skills that we can learn. Okay? All right today. We're going to be looking at the next skill which is responding skills We have dealt with it a little bit Through the last couple of weeks But this is which is going to go a little bit more in detail and also look at how we can respond to Counselies who may be resistant in Being in therapy in counseling or even those who may not want to actually come in How can we respond and what are some of the ways that we can? Get more cooperation from counseling. Okay? So responding skills the first Let's look at the usual the what the when how the when so when is it used? Responding skills are used throughout the entire counseling process It's it's something that you know, you never stop doing because Because of you know as as the person as the individual is communicating you're getting to hear a lot about a lot of their thoughts or What they're feeling so responding is done throughout the counseling process and specifically at the Earlier stages of exploration because they are just getting they're warming up in talking to you and You know, that's when you're exploring a lot of their feelings exploring a lot of their thoughts and so it's important to respond Use these skills greatly there because that's where it helps for the guards and all of that too To come down So it's used throughout the entire counseling. However, a lot more in the initial stages of the Exploratory phase Okay, what is the purpose of it the purpose of responding skills The the biggest purpose that that you would see is it helps you as a counselor to really clarify and Encourage what? Encourage to hear what your counselor is saying Okay it is it is an important skill that Helps you to Not just understand the content of the information that is being shared but also Where the counseling is with respect to their feelings with respect to how they think To respect to what kind of hope they have about in the future. So it this skill helps to give you a Real roundabout Understanding, okay Now when you are using the skill it one of the things that it does is it lets the counseling know That they are being heard and they are being understood. It really helps them Understand that you know that that my counts counts Lee is hearing what I have to say is Responding is understanding Yes enough to ask me for the questions. So it lets the counseling know That they are being heard. They are being understood. They are cared and they are supported for Responding skills also helps the counselor Give gives the counselor the feedback on What he what the council Lee has said and how it has come across So when the council Lee is telling you something when you respond You're actually Clarifying or you're giving feedback about what you've heard. So you're saying this is what I heard you say Is that right and so then they will cooperate and said yes, you've got it right This is exactly how I feel or this is just what it is or they will say, no, that's only part of it It's something else that is more so it helps in that sense of a clarity as well as a feedback Okay, it also allows you as a counselor to check your own accuracy In what you have heard so it helps you It's important to Otherwise, I don't know if you'll have played Chinese whispers if you play Chinese whispers You know one person says something to you. You're not allowed to ask for a feedback or did you say this or does it mean? Does it does the sentence mean that you you keep you keep? Sharing the information that you think you've received Finally the information that was in the first and the information that's come out at the last is so varied Because there's been no feedback. There's been no checking the accuracy So here when you're sharing with your counseling about what you said you are checking the accuracy of what you heard Okay, it also Helps you as a counselor to stay To stay focused Otherwise, you know, you could you could probably get lost in the story and it may give the Counseling an illusion that you are in a place of understanding when actually you're probably way away from The reality of what it is, right? So it avoids that Illusion of understanding. Okay. It also helps the counseling focus on Themselves on their feelings on being able to sort out their issues and Deal more effectively with their emotions when you continue to respond It helps the counseling to stay focused on what they're going through what they're thinking how they're feeling Okay, it allows the counseling also to move to a deeper level of expression at or at their own pace now if let's suppose you don't use responding skills and Let's look at an everyday situation You may be talking to your child who's come back from school. All right, and if What is the superficial level of expression? How was your day? Yeah, it was good. That's a very superficial level of expression if you need to go a little deeper and You may need to respond. So you're saying, okay from that what I understood I I heard you saying I'm responding to what my daughter or my child has said that her school day was good So I'm saying oh that means to me that sounds like you had a really great day and everything went well Is that so so I'm clarifying my understanding when the child has said it's good The child will say no not all parts the morning was good But then later on in the evening I had it was it was okay, right? So I've gotten to another level of Conversation now I may respond again and say Okay, so that appears as if your second half of your day was not that good. Was it it? So she may say yeah, it wasn't that good then so I am I am I am Keeping that moment for further exploration and saying, okay What happened? What was it that really took you off guard or took was was not a good day. So she may say Today, you know my friends and I had a had a argument So I can leave it there But then if I need to understand and explore further I need to respond and my responding Would seem something like It seems like that wasn't a really happy thing I'm wondering what you distressed about About what happened. So I shouldn't tell me and she said yeah, I just had a fight with my friends So I don't know if it is a good thing or if it is a bad thing nothing So I'm guessing I'm inferring and I'm saying okay. It sounds like you know, that wasn't a very nice thing So I how are you feeling? Are you feeling upset about it? So she may say No more than upset. I'm really angry about this So do you see that there are deeper levels of expression that happens when you're responding and that's why it's so important This skill is one of the core skills in counseling to be able to respond in a way that your counseling is able to Give you more details really express what is going on. Okay? It also allows the counseling to think and articulate more clearly. So, you know, the example that I gave you about the child She's able to really talk about and put into a sentence what she's going through So so they are they are also Processing the entire situation alongside with you and it also helps the counselor Even as they're talking and you are helping to respond to arrive at a solution to their problem in the way that you are Responding and you're trying to help or it helps the counselor to clarify What you're expected to do so so let's say the child says You know, I had a terrible fight So with with my friends. So maybe a good question. Maybe in this case because it's a child Maybe a good question says I'm really keen to understand what would you like from me in this situation? Or what would you like me? How would you like me to help you in this situation? so the child may say I Want you to you know, I just want you to listen or I want you to help me calm down or I want to find a way of how I can address the situation So they so here you formulated a goal, right? Or it helps the counselor to deal effectively with the issue or with the problem or any other need That's right. So that's why the responding skills are very very very important And the more that you are able to practice it and if you are able to practice your responding skills Well, you know, it really helps in in having fruitful conversations with your with the council, okay? All right, we'll do a couple of road plays today So I think everyone needs to be geared up or because I'm not there That doesn't mean we're not gonna do I can already see the faces of Francis and All smiling. Okay. So what in responding skills? What are we actually doing? What is it that we are attempting to? Achieve it. It's responding skills or when you are reflecting. It's like you're checking out something So what are you checking out? in responding To the other person you are expressing the essence of One of the content and the feeling okay, so it's not just the content content is I had a bad day at school. I Feel upset that I Had a quarrel with my friends. So there are two different Responses right one to the content the content maybe, you know, my marriage is doing really bad We are not talking for a long time We've had we are living like strangers in the house. This is the content But there's a feeling behind it, which is I feel isolated. I feel abandoned. I feel I feel hopeless. So these are the feelings So you're as a counselor you're expressing both The content as well as the feeling so as the listener What you're doing is after the whole story that maybe your counselor is giving your response is short is sweet and Although it's stated in your own words It brings about some essence of what your counselor has said So it is important when you're saying this to really check and verify your accurate understanding of perception of smaller segments of What the other person has communicated? So I'll give you another example yesterday. I was talking to someone and this person was saying of how and and She was finding it hard to really articulate it exactly. So she was saying of how She she has a work business and the people who she's working with she's dealing with them Both at work as well as on a personal level So she was she wanted to articulate that or or she she articulated this way that you know Sometimes I'm confused as to how to deal with them when I'm at office And how to deal with them outside of office so So there was an understanding that I received from what she said so I said, okay, it appears to me that You're really finding it hard to balance a professional relationship and the personal relationship with the same people so sometimes you're caught because You need to say something to them professionally, but in the back of your mind They are people who you know personally Right, so then so what she was what I was able to help her do is probably put in some words to make her to really Reflect what what she must have been feeling so when I'm doing that not only am I getting a better understanding of a situation? But she's also able to let me know. Yeah, that's exactly what I feel That's what it is like. So they will tell you that they say, yeah, that's right You know you hit it on the head or they'll say no this part is right this part I guess, you know is a little little different. So everything every Small segment that you capture whether it's a thought whether it's a feeling whether whether it's a meaning When you fit them together and then you are responding together So even as you're listening you're making a Meaning or an understanding of it and then you are responding you're reflecting that idea and that thought to your counseling That's that's what you do when you're actually responding to them. Okay now There are five categories of responding, okay? So we will look at each of them and then maybe they'll get into a little bit of a role play and then carry forward So five categories of responses. The first one is acknowledgement responses Second is where you reflect content Reflect and respond are the same you can use them interchangeably if some places you may hear Reflection some places you may hear responding. So you're responding to content or reflecting content or you're responding to feelings or reflecting feelings Responding to meaning reflective meaning reflective meanings or summative Responding or summative reflecting. So these are five categories of what you are what you would be doing, okay? So let's look at each one. The first one is Acknowledgement responses now in acknowledgement responses. They are and this is something all of us do they are brief one Two three words statement or gestures non-verbal even non-verbal gestures that we may use What is it? It is demonstrating to the speaker that you are following the conversation And when you give those kind of responses the other person you are helping your counseling to know that you are being listened to So these examples aha, okay Okay, oh, oh, really. Oh, yeah, sure You know those things that help you help the counseling know that you are With them, okay, so these are extremely important specially when the stories are larger when when the When the material brought to you is huge to to keep Reiterating that you are there that I am there with you and I'm hearing and it goes well. It's going on carry on Right, you know, go ahead. Yeah, I see where you're coming from or it sounds good So these are some things that you would you would be doing to help them see that, okay? The next one is responding to content now responding to content like I said is the meat of The Information that they are sharing so what does this entail? It entails that you listen accurately to your counseling and You are responding or reflecting back the essence of the content to the other in your own words So they told you maybe they've said, you know, I went to college there. I saw my teachers I saw my friends and then we had classes and then after classes we had went for lunch and then after lunch, you know, we were sitting in the room and This person came along and said something to me So all of this all of this it's it's a whole story that they're saying, right? So when you are reflecting I was saying, okay I heard what I heard you saying is you went to college You had a regular day till around the afternoon after lunch and it is after lunch this person came in and ABCD happened. So you see that I'm just kind of accurately or you know trying to bring about the essence of the Communication so what you are doing here is you're focusing on the content of what the person is speaking to you So it's including of all thoughts ideas beliefs any facts anything that they are bringing So the focus is basically all the ideas the subject of that particular communication So in reflection While you're reflecting the content or while you're responding to the content It enables you to check your understanding of the story that is being communicated to you Okay, so this includes your you may be clarifying the understanding the agreements or the plan Whatever is happening there. Okay, you're also helping to reduce the repetition on the part of the other person So when I'm saying yeah, I heard you I understood this was there This was there big said okay This person's got the first part the first chunk of the information, right? So it reduces repetition it also lets you give the gives give your counseling a feedback on How this is coming across which often allows your counseling to gain you insights You know as they are as they're also listening. So when they're saying something You maybe they're saying for example, they're saying, you know, we went to the shop last last night and I was all alone I I had so many things to do there and I didn't know how to how to Get all of this done My husband wasn't there. You know, it was really difficult. So you may you may think you may think That okay, maybe the husband is is doesn't care, right? So you may say I I see that, you know, you were all alone And I see that your husband was away right because it sounds as if the husband didn't care But when you say that when you're asking a question, I see that you were all alone And you were hoping that your husband would have also been there. So she said, yeah, no But but I knew he was busy and I knew I couldn't bother him at that point of time So I knew he couldn't come so that you know, it kind of clarifies what exactly is is being is being meant Okay, now reflection of content Involves reflecting back the content of what your councillor has said, right? So so that's Again what again, I think what we need to be careful of is You do not repeat The same words what that what your councillor said you could take in maybe keywords Pick up the most important content and keywords and use it in your own words to give a feedback Okay, again, maybe just a quick example Let's say if a young person has been talking about the way in which they have been having a conflict Maybe with their family member Okay, a reflection of content might be like your brother and you have been fighting recently Or you've told me that your brother and you have been have been having some arguments lately Okay, so these are these are some ways that you would probably do. It's just a replay Reflecting of the basic content of it. Okay. All right next one Okay, here's here's a Uh example That's there. This is this is again another example. Um, so the councillor one is saying Probably this is probably the worst class the probably the worst class I have is literature Okay, they said this one sentence. Let's say they describe the literature class and said how terrible it is What is one way that you can reflect back the content? What is one way you can reflect back the content you can either unmute Uh and speak Or you can write down the answer Your thoughts how would you reflect it? Yes, come on students How will you reflect is everybody on the call? Okay, jackie. Thank you looks like your literature class has been a disaster this year Very good. Excellent. So you're just reflecting content. Okay. One more. This has been a really rough year for me This has been a really rough year for me We have described their year. They've told you what happened in january february march april january. I felt sick february You know, I I got sick again when it's day March I I lost my job april and and may you know, I was trying to Get used to the job whatever. So there's a lot of information that's coming. How would you reflect? Reflect the content the literature class has been very tough for me. Uh Has been very rough on you. I think this is what you would be telling your Your counseling. Okay, the second one anyone has a thought of the second one This has been a really rough year for me. This is what your counseling is saying. How will you reflect the content? Come on students. Come on. Come on. Come on Okay, wonderful. Thank you. Nina. It seems like you faced many challenges this year. Okay, it's fairly simple Fairly straightforward looks like you're having a very rough time this year. Okay, fairly simple just reflecting Content is all that you are doing there. So let's look at the next one The next one is you're reflecting feeling or responding by Responding to the feeling. So what are you doing here? You're listening accurately to whatever the story is being told And what what else are you doing here? You are also? um bringing about A reflecting of the feeling component of the communication Not just the content, but what they may be feeling In this in in the situation or the content that they are talking about So let's look at the example the counseling says It seems that no matter how hard I try or how much I do it I cannot get comfortable with cold calling It just seems so icky to me But I know that I have to do it to acquire more clients So this is in a work situation. They have to make cold calls that is cold calls are Calls that you make to people you don't know at all. Okay, so this person say I don't like it And uh, but it's something I have to do to acquire more clients So the counselor here is saying uh, that must be frustrating for you Because it's a big part of your job right now. So you wish you could feel more at ease doing it Okay, so the first two parts the frustrating And wish you could feel more at ease of doing it is not what the counseling said But it is being inferred and it is being reflected. All right, so reflecting feeling is Accurately listening. So so it really requires you to listen intently to what is being said and naming the emotional state Of your counseling in your own words So it involves you're stating you you are saying of a feeling word frustrated confused more at ease disappointed unhappy Whatever whatever could be the feeling behind that and that's why maybe as a counselor It's a good thing to build your vocabulary on feeling levels Right, otherwise we may say these two three words always upset happy sad angry And that's all but there are so many more that are That build into it and if you are interested there's something called as an emotion wheel And if you go through that you will find that each one of these core emotions Have multiple layers Of emotions to it. Okay, so you can just go and you can just go check that out and build your vocabulary on these labels of emotions because when you do that when you're capturing The emotion of the other person and expressing it in your own words the it brings about a clear awareness so Others talk about their feel generally when you when you look at people they talk about their feelings as it Okay, this is Or them as if you know, it is not part of themselves. I don't like to feel it Right, or I don't like to feel this I don't like to feel this way. But what is it? What is the feeling? So to to give a word to it to express it to label it actually helps in a great part of awareness So it what are your what are you also doing is that when you're reflecting feeling you're helping your counseling to own their feelings this is my feeling and If you know that if you notice that feelings are generally that which is more central It is more core than the actual content. Okay, but when we talk It's the content that comes out but the feeling doesn't come by as easily And so in counseling we are drawing out The feeling all right. Now, this is the same even if it is both happy or With healthy or unhealthy feelings, right? Now people need to express themselves When they have emotions when they have strong emotions, whether it be healthier ones Or whether it be unhealthier ones, whether it be the more So-called positive ones or so-called negative ones and when you reflect feeling you allow The counseling to repeat and participate in that process of of really feeling what is going on. Okay So let's try and do Okay before that so in in using reflections you can begin your responses. This is how your statements can be You feel or you sound you look your feeling you're sounding you're looking now. These are initial Precursors to your sentence, you know, you sound as if you're very disappointed at blah, blah, blah, right? Or you look, uh, you look very confused About how to handle this situation. So these are feelings reflecting feelings are very very important. Okay So let's try an example This sure has been a horrible week Nothing went right at the job and my wife and I argued all the time Okay, so I'd like you to take a little time and maybe Uh, avoid using the word upset sad angry, okay Try and use other words And try to reflect What this person may be feeling go ahead and you could write of the chat or quickly unmute and and speak Any responses come on Anand, did you write looks like you're having a very rough time? I think it was for the previous one. Okay. Come on waiting Waiting for your responses students Are you there? Tira, let's hear hear something from you. Okay respond respond. Come on Okay, use the previous slide to start your sentence Use a previous anything take anything from here Uh, start that with this and then go on to respond Come on. I'm meeting rata prince anand frances nikhil Robo very big sentence mom. It's okay. It's okay. Go ahead. Don't worry about it Go ahead anand. It's like you we have to start with only these these words or No, no, you can start with anything else. This is just suggestions. You can start with anything you want Okay, our antonies written you sound very frustrated That things did not go the way you planned wonderful. Okay Jackens written this should be frustrating for you as you had a very difficult time Handling things at work and at home with your wife. Wonderful. Good. All right anand bring about your sentence too Yes, sira. Go ahead sira sira Okay, you look very low and sometimes it's hard to handle such things very good Okay, so all of you are like getting a hang of it as to how to To continue to use these reflections now when they're going to practice And they're going to do this. We're only looking at how we can respond. Okay, don't look at solving the person's problem They're only going to be looking at how to respond. Okay So let's let's move to the next one. The next one is reflecting meaning Okay Now reflecting meaning what what have what do you do in this? So it's it's similar to the to the above ones only thing you are listening And reflecting Both the content and the feeling so you're actually Talking about you're merging the two The the content of something and the feeling. What does it mean to the person? That something like this has happened. So you're merging the two So reflecting meaning is listening first And reflecting both the content and the feeling Now the content and feeling is tied together using words such like because or When So the skill involves understanding and reflecting the feeling and the meaning And and the meaning can connected to the to the content Okay, and this is the the formula I mean we say a formula because I think it helps us understand What do we use right? So you can use a formula like you feel dash about dash or you feel dash when dash or you feel Dash because of Dash so this is how you put things together. So listening well involves Reflecting meaning when you're listening to them. It's not just enough to reflect a content or reflect just the feeling You need to merge the two because that's what brings meaning to the person in their situation Okay, so let's look at this example the counsellor says Sorry the counsellor says I just don't understand my boss One minute. He has one thing to say and the other he changes it completely So here the meaning The the feeling is you feel really confused by him Yeah, and then the he let's say the counsellor says My supervisor is always after me micromanaging me. He just has not No clue how hard I work. Okay, so this is this is a again a scenario that your your counsellor is saying so Maybe the counsellor could bring a certain response Such as you know, you really feel confused by him And you would really you would really like to know Or you would really like him to see How hard you work or you would really like him to recognize your hard work So you've kind of got a meaning that you said this is important to you and it seems confusing for you But it seems very necessary To you that your supervisor sees your hard work So you've bought meaning into this entire thing just by reflecting the content as well as the The feeling all right now this again is something that helps you build a goal Like for this person, it's important that the supervisor recognizes the hard work. It's become the goal now I want my supervisor to recognize the hard work. And how do you say that when you when you reflect it? That's when they say yeah, so then maybe my next question would be Okay, if you'd like your supervisor to recognize your hard work What are some things that you think he should see? In you that makes him aware of your hard work So then you're getting the person to think maybe I should go talk to him or maybe whatever whatever Whatever Answers that he may bring so when you when you merge the two together feeling and content Then it becomes a lot more your you are creating the next one next thing which is the goal for your client. Okay So here Let's say the councillor again said I really enjoy spending time with my friends But my job is so demanding that I am so stressed And worried about getting everything done. All right, so I'd like y'all to attempt What would y'all how would y'all reflect both the feeling? As well as the content Let's start first with just content Okay, let's start with content and then we will go to Reflecting the meaning so start with content first then we will go with reflecting the meaning Oh, sorry Yeah, I'm sorry. I think I went ahead Yeah, so The councillor is saying I enjoy spending time with my friends But my job is so demanding that I'm so stressed and worried about getting everything done All right, so let's reflect the content What's the content? Come on students. Come on Reflect content only what you're hearing. What can you reflect? I'm waiting How would you say that? More than time management That is that may be her problem. That's okay. They're not they're not figuring out the problem here They're figuring out. How do we respond? How do we respond to the content of what she's saying? Yes, how could you respond to the content? Okay, I'm going to go ahead because I don't want to waste time Okay, yes jacket you wish to spend time with your friends but due to your stressful job You aren't able to very good good, right? Or you can say There is there's so much of there's so much of stress around at work for you That it takes away or it kills away the time that you could have in spending with your friends So it's just content now if you were to reflect meaning Okay, now that give me many meanings that you can bring out of this So you could say you could say something something like I see that you feel That you feel Feel really stuck Because there's so much of work to do the demands are very high Yet you'd like to spend a lot of time with your friends Okay, so I said maybe stuck or I could use a word like you sound really overwhelmed That your work seems to be really heavy But you really I it sounds like you really desire Just taking a break with spending time with your friends. All right So if you look at it, there is a part solution here that you that You are intending to bring in that that you know You feel like this but one way Of minimizing that stress is actually spending time with your friends to really enjoy that Right. So the this is what you would do to both reflect the content as well as the as the as the meaning, okay The last one is reflective summarizing now reflective summarizing it It has to do with you listen And you're reflecting the main points of the other person's communication So what does summarizing mean it condenses Everything that a person has said in a few sentences Now the process of reflecting will require that They are heard That that your counseling feels heard in you know, when someone is saying so many things to you You need to segment it and when you're reflecting you are helping them understand that you You've heard all the segments of it Okay, now after each segment of the communication when you express your perception of of what you've just heard It definitely checks your accuracy of your listening. So that's why Reflective summarizing or responding to with the summary is very important even in in in the in the skill Okay. All right. So we looked at five things. We said acknowledging responses responding to Um To content responding to feeling Responding to meaning and lastly it is summative Responding which is summarizing the entire entire material or information that they've given me, okay We'll stop here. Just a quick Uh, are there any any questions anything specifically if not we'll go for a break and come back in 10 minutes and continue from there Okay, we'll take a break of 10 minutes and come back by 11 o'clock