 Autolight and its 96,000 dealers present Suspense. Tonight, Autolight brings you the one millionth Joe, a suspense play produced and edited by William Spear, and starring Mr. Jack Carson. I'm Al Gersent, from A to Z in public relations, is how I bill myself. And there was this stunt which I dreamed up for the Bureau of Better Business Promotion to pay off the 4th of July weekend. But I hadn't counted on the fireworks, which in this case was a big 45 jammed in the middle of my back. Yes, in a moment, Mr. Jack Carson, and a tale well calculated to keep you in suspense. Say, Wilcox, if the bases are loaded with two men out, who's the boy you'd like to see up there at bat? Why, the spark plug of the team, of course. The lad who's right there with that sure fire never missed power. See, that reminds me of ignition engineered Autolight spark plugs. You see, Autolight spark plugs are a vital part of the team, too. Well, how do you mean part of what team? Well, just this half, Autolight engineers engineer complete ignition systems used as original factory equipment on many makes of America's finest cars. So naturally, they engineer Autolight spark plugs to work as a perfect team with the coil distributor and all the other important parts of a car's ignition system. And that's mighty important. Yeah, I see. That's what you mean when you say Autolight spark plugs are ignition engineers. Absolutely right, Hap. And that's why they can't be beat for quick starting, smooth performance, and gas mileage. So friends, see your friendly Autolight spark plug dealer tomorrow. Have worn out spark plugs replaced with world famous ignition engineered Autolight spark plugs. Whether you choose the resistor type or the standard type, you can't buy a better spark plug for your car because you're always right with Autolight. And now with the one million Joe and the performance of Jack Carson, Autolight hopes once again to keep you in suspense. Yes, I'm Al Jazan. Like I said, I started to tell you about this publicity stunt. I dreamed up for the Bureau of Better Business Promotion. Well, me and some businessmen with a few reporters, camera men, and such were out of the airport. Now come on, come on, gang. This will be at gate five. Well, come on, Brawley, fellas, boys and girls. Hey, Tiny, you got that camera hot? You got your oranges, Mr. Wilder? Yeah. You still think a three-piece band looks poultry-sense? A poultry-schmaltry, Mr. Wilder. What we care about is newspaper coverage. Now, now, stand back when they start coming through the gate. Well, another plane. Is this a horse race or is this a horse race? Boy, oh boy. I declare I'm all over goose bumps. At the plane you're chartered, Algie, for all his relatives you're wringing in. Oh, why, Al? This deal's on the level. Pull your chin, and he takes his cut coming and going. Why, Al? Hey, here they come. So stand back. You count, Wilder, and me and Mr. Allen will nab them. Now, the last number was, uh, 999,990. A 10 to go. Okay. 991, 992, 993. If I have to say so myself, I'm a pretty smooth operator. At this moment, I had one client, the Bureau of B.B.P., and the stuff I dreamed up for them was our army. This was the setup. Nabbed the one millionth Joe through the airport, be he male, female, or what have you, and give this lucky character a 24-hour whirl in the house. Pictures, prizes, tickets to this and that. And all the businesses had chipped in, and it was a good, fat kitty. And it worked out to be near the 4th of July, which was a great tie-in. So now, a herd of passengers were stampeding through gate 5 from two planes the big Chicago plane and the little one from Houston. And all unbeknownst to them lightning was about to strike. 996. Hey, ain't this exciting for us, huh? Well, ain't it? 997. Hey, it's gonna be that good. 998. That guy in the gray hat's moving up there. 999. Hey, stand back, will ya? Hey, hey, watch it, mister. Oh, but hey, watch where you're going. Well, go on, go on, if you're in such a hurry. Hey, and a guy wins. He knocked the gal out of the running. One million. That's him. That's him. What, who are you? Look over here, mister. Over here, look this way. What is this anyway? It's him. Hang the flowers around his neck. Oh, please. Let's go. You've made a mistake. Let's go. They can't get pictures when you jump around like that. I don't want my picture taken. Let's go. How's this, Rowley? Oh, that's right, mister. Mister, unbeknownst to you, you are the one millionth passenger to walk through these gates. Let me go, Ryle. As guests of the Bureau of B.B.P. from now on until the 4th of July, your hotel is paid for. Who will visit the lion farm and a mister, a wholesale? Pick on someone else. I don't want anything. You will lunch with a motion picture star, eat at a world-famous restaurant, be the recipient of many free gifts, gratis, a mixed-linked cape, two dozen sports shirts, 2,000 cans of dog food, a free airplane pass anywhere in the whole wide world. Uh-huh. Something strikes your fancy. An airplane pass to, uh, say Brazil? Sure, sure, you name it. Yes, sir? Even to the romantic land of your dreams south of the board. Now, sir, what is your name? I'm A.D. Thompson. And where are you from, Mr. Thompson? Uh, Missouri. Business man? Missouri. Yes, rugs, retired. Uh, did you and plane to here from Chicago or from Houston, Mr. Thompson? Uh, Houston. Hold up one of these oranges, Mr. Thompson, and tuck the crate under your arms. Oh. And smile. Smile. That's it. Snap a tiny. On behalf of the Great Valley Citrus Company, it gives me pride and pleasure. So how was I to know that the trouble was giving me the lure? He looked short fire. Mr. A.D. Thompson, middle-aged, middle-sized, middle-ugly, Mr. John Q. Publick himself. Well, in the meantime, that blonde, the one Mr. Thompson rammed out of line on the other side of the gate, she'd been standing by listening. She was a tall, rangy, good-looking blonde, and, well, all of a sudden she moved in on me. You're running this pow-wow, Buster? By rights, all those prizes belong to me. Oh, no. Honey, play fair. Mr. Thompson here, side-swipe me, or I would have come through the gate ahead of him. Technically, Miss, Mr. Thompson came through first. Look, my shin hurts, and I don't like being shoved around. When I lose, I can make trouble, Buster. I can sue you cross-eyed and you know it. Uh, that, that you can. That, that you can, Mr. Wilder. I saying that the bureau gets sued, you'll be... Hey, well, now, Miss, now, the bureau wants to be perfectly fair and square with you. Only I don't see how... How in most contests where there's a tie, they have to give duplicate prizes, Mr. Wilder? Yeah, thanks a lot. Hey, yes, if that's right, we'll give duplicate prizes. Well, that's more like it. Okay, okay, music, boys. Ladies and gentlemen of the press, we have a Miss one-in-a-million also. Tell the boys your name, honey. Where you from and what you think of Sonny, California. Well, I'm Vera Valerie. I've lived all over, just flew in from Chicago. Been singing in a place out there. A canary, boy. And I think California's just wonderful. Give us a big smile, Miss Valerie. Thank you. This way, Miss Valerie. There you go. Where's the guy with the grapefruit? So the doll was declared in, which was okay by me. In fact, every time she said hello, it was plain old nuclear aficion with me. But that's, that's not strictly a part of this story. Well, anyhow, from the airport, I carted Thompson and Vera Valerie to the hotel diplomat where I lived myself. On a do-bill. There was considerable yammer about that extra-free room gratis for Vera, but finally the manager coughed up another sink. Now, there were some hours to kill before we could go out to the lion farm, so I took a cold shower, made a few calls, and then went in my way to the whispering pommel. Well, high time, Buster. I'm three up on you. Well, I got problems now. Henry, Henry, bring me a parson's pitfall. Hey, how they treating you, honey? What's the number of your room? Um, four-something. Four-twelve, four-twenty. Well, I know it's the fourth floor. Well, that I'll check. Yeah, I got headaches with this stunt, but... You're worth it, doll. Oh, I'll bet. When I barged into the act, you wanted to ring my neck. Oh, no, no. I was only figuring how I could swing the whole show for you without Thompson. Oh, sweet. Well, since Wilder's promised double prizes... Yeah, but I got to deliver on Big Mouth's promises, and the fur joint says one make cape, period. Oh! Also, France World told me they aren't serving double passes to Brazil this season. But Thompson doesn't look like the make-coat type to me. We can give them the... Oh, but doll, it was a trip that you wanted. Oh, forget it. Only, why is Thompson so anxious to get the pass? Oh, no. Look, Buster, I bought the newspapers. Did you read this? Texas police hunt ruthless killer. Yeah, I noticed the headline line. Read the story. Come on. Sheriff's office, Pikesville, Texas reported discovery of two murdered men, highway 26, 12 miles northeast of town. Dead men, members of gang who held up Arcana Oil Company's offices in Pikesville. Why, I don't get the drip. Pikesville's near Houston, isn't it? Sorta. Yeah. Yeah. Police believe they were double-crossed by a third member of gang who shot them making off with entire loot from robbery. Notice how Thompson hung onto that briefcase? Nearly $100,000 in large denomination bills. Wow. The serial numbers are so... No description of killer available. Interesting. You got something. He wouldn't want to spend any of those bills here, but in Brazil. Do we tip off the cop? $100,000. Huh? No, no, not yet. Let me handle this, doll. I'll stall them on that pass to Brazil till we know for sure. You, um... You wouldn't make a deal with them, would you, Buster? Who, me? Well, that wouldn't be ethical. Well, we got to have proof, honey. Now, admit it, we got to have proof. Which was the truth, but not quite the whole truth. That, that I now admit. You see, the thought of that $100,000, it set me into a spin, and I want a time to figure out how I could cut in on those sweet, crisp denarrals. If I could prove that Thompson was my man. Well, that afternoon, Thompson kind of played right into my hands. We were out to the lion farm. The boys were snapping pictures of Vera cuddling the king of beasts, when Thompson, clutching that briefcase, pulled me off the one side. No more pictures of me's aunt, and keep the ones they took at the airport out of the papers. Keep them? Say, that wouldn't be ethical. What do you mean? Well, no papers gonna print two pictures on this stunt, and no offense, Thompson, but whose puss would you choose if he was a desk man? Yours or Vera's? Which held him for the nuts, and I had one more angle of Mr. T, that he was afraid somebody somewhere would know him from his pictures. Well, that evening, we were in for Mike Romanoff's seros and slapsy maxis. For such a world, I was dressed up like a dog's dinner, so I went up to my room to change. Come in, son. Close the door. What's up, Thompson? What are you doing here? Waiting for me? Hey, you're not going to Romanoff's dress life. I'm not going out this evening. Yeah? Okay. It's no skin off me if you buy your own dinner. How soon do I get that ticket? Ticket, chairman? To Brazil. How soon can I leave? Well, I guess there are flights every day to Mexico, and from there to Brazil. Get my ticket for tomorrow night. Well, now, that's one of the prizes that you and Vera got the toss for you. Get that ticket tomorrow. Give her the mink cake, give her anything, everything. But I want that airplane pass. Oh, it's clear you want it, but... I want it, and I'm going to have it. What, uh, would you have a little deal in mind? Deal? Or words to that effect? Maybe. Or maybe not. Get the ticket, and we'll talk. But deal or not, Zat. There's nothing I won't do to get that pass. Do you understand? Nothing! I understand. Nothing. AutoLite is bringing you Jack Carson in The One Millionth Joe. Tonight's production in Radio's Outstanding Theater Thrill's Suspense. Hey, Harlow, did you ever notice that if one ball player goes into a slump, the whole team seems to bog down? Well, that's natural, half. Each man is a vital part of the team. Just as spark plugs are a vital part of the team that makes up the ignition system of your car. And AutoLite spark plugs are ignition engineered by the same AutoLite engineers who design complete ignition systems used as original factory equipment on many makes of America's finest cars. They have team spirit, eh, Wilcox? Right. AutoLite spark plugs are built to function as a perfect team with a coil distributor and all the other parts of the ignition system. Why, ignition engineered AutoLite spark plugs are world famous for their quality and dependability. Unexcel for quick starting, smooth performance and gas mileage. Christ, you are half. So stop in at your friendly AutoLite dealers tomorrow. Have worn out spark plugs replaced with ignition engineered AutoLite spark plugs. Whether you choose the resistor type or the standard type, you're always right with AutoLite. And now AutoLite brings back to our Hollywood soundstage our star, Jack Carson. In The One Millionth Joe, a tale well calculated to keep you in... suspense. So I showed Vera the town that night, along with some reporters and without the treculent Mr. T. As I told Thompson, it was no skin off me if he bought his own dinner. Anyway, I was real glad that Vera and I could finish that evening alone. It was a last night spot schedule and therefore on the cuff. The place was jumping and the news boys was having a high old time. Hey, Carson. Carson, another round of drinks here. That's the way to talk to you boys. How about champagne? Yeah. You know what, the bureau look cheap, healthy boy. What about my dance with Ms. Valerie? Well, I'm willing and ready. And I'll wait, wait up, boys, while you're still sober and able to listen. Space, space, space. I got an announcement to make. You ought to all be at the airport tomorrow night for France World's part in this stunt. The free pass. Where to? Who's going? The free pass it is. I want you boys to have a little suspense. Just be at the airport from 10 p.m. on. One or another of our two winners will be taking off for parts unknown, but who or where to, you gotta be there to see. Hey, Buster, you didn't tell me yet. Yeah, well, come on, Vera. Let's, let's you and me bunny hunt. I drink up you mug, so don't be bashful about asking for more of the same. But, Buster, you haven't talked. Come on, Vera. Oh, Buster, tell me. Now, come on down. Just snuggle up and dance. He's smooth. I am. I saw you and Thompson huddling at the land farm. Yeah, well, he was telling me that he's camera shy. Oh, he is, is he? But later in my room, Thompson showed his teeth. Said I should handle it with a pass to Brazil or else. Oh, look, we gotta tip off the cops. Oh, sure, honey, it says we got proof. Proof? Yeah. This phony blows in from Houston clutching a briefcase to his breast. Nearly blows his top when you pick him out of the crowd until you mention an airplane pass. Not enough. Not enough. If I call in the cops and Thompson turns out to be only a gink with a screw loose, I'm in trouble. Capital T trouble. You gotta see my side. Then what are you doing to get more proof? Well, that's where you come in. You think you could get Thompson to flash some of that dough if he has it? Come again? Well, I figure out some way to make him show his money. See if it comes out of the briefcase and if it's in big denomination bills. Oh, yeah. Maybe. Well, tackle the first thing in the morning. First thing in the morning, I'll get the ticket. Then the first chance we get, we compare notes. And if what I find out adds up, then you be packed and ready to leave tomorrow night. To Brazil? Maybe I want to go later. And maybe I want to go to Honolulu. Maybe. After the spouting I just did to the reporters, somebody's got to be in that plane or Belui, my stunt. Which, so far as this story goes, wound it up for that night. Was she ever the deluxe type? I freely admit. She rocked me. Yeah, well, come morning I was up with the birds at theirabouts. I checked and found out that Vera had last sued Mr. Thompson for breakfast. So far, so good. So I hustled myself down to Transworld and got the ticket. A long green strip of confetti. Real and return. Then the big day commenced and Thompson came along. No doubt to keep an eye on me. So me and Vera weren't able to huddle until some hours later on a sound stage out of colossus pictures. When they've got this shot lined up, I'll introduce you folks to Vincent. He's the director. I'm producing this. Mr. Thompson, did you say you were in run? Yes, a retire. The rug we use in this set might interest you. That's a good idea, Arthur. Give the rug a once over, Mr. T. This way, Mr. Thompson. You see in a picture of the producer. Buster, I got him to show me his money. Yeah? Out of the briefcase? Yeah, he took the briefcase along to breakfast. How'd you work it? Well, I ordered everything I could see on the menu. Yeah, yeah. And when the waiter brought our check, it was almost 16 bucks. Well, I fished around and my person said, how perfectly awful. I've only got $1.75 to my name. You will have to pay the check, Mr. T. And let me pay you back. Well, the waiter was standing off, giving us a cold eye. So Thompson unzips his briefcase a couple of inches and fishes out a $500 bill. Five seats? I could have died. Dared till I was bug-eyed trying to read the serial number. And Buster, you're going to be proud of me. The number was C1240653. What? You remembered the whole number? Yeah. I got a mind for numbers. Never forgot a full number or an address. What are you looking at? Oh, this is the list of serial numbers. Say that number again, doll. C1240653. That's it. One of the bills from the Pikesville holdup. You know, but if the hotel got it, they may check. Now, they don't have it. All of a sudden, Thompson grabbed the bill back and said, we don't have to pay for breakfast. That's part of the price. We're rolling. Quiet. Quiet, please. So Mr. T thinks he can play around with me, eh? 100 grand. So now, will you call the cops? Why are you there? I'm not so fast, honey. You said you'd let me handle this. I'm going to figure out something. We're going to help you, sir. Shut up before I have you thrown out. Which is how they sometimes treat us flacks in Hollywood. And us, the backbone of the industry. Well, that's pictures. But I let it ride this time since it got me out of a tight squeeze with Vera. This is how I had it figured. I'd put it up to Thompson what I knew. Then if he didn't cut me in for a healthy slice of 100 Gs, there was always the cops, from whom there was undoubtedly a big reward. That way I could play for the big money and still hedge my bet. But I put it this way to Vera. I said, look, a dream girl. You'll be ready to leave, that's all. What time does the plane take off, did you say? Well, uh, 11.40. We're going to leave here by 11. And what happens to Thompson, Buster? Well, I'll get everything set for a quiet pinch just after we leave. It'll louse out the stunt, doll, if it gets out that the Bureau picked a hood for this world. I gotta protect my clients, you understand? Oh, sure, Buster. I understand. So Vera was set up to take Mr. Thompson's place if it was no deal with him. If it was a deal, then Thompson would fly off to Brazil, leaving me unexpectedly wealthy. I was sure Vera was a sensible type doll, not adverse to knowing a joe who was in the chips. Well, along about 9.30, I went knocking at Thompson's door. Come in. Well, sir, another day of California sunshine. Oh, you got it. You, uh, you said we'd have another talk. Oh, talk's cheap. All right, I'll level with you. I know your name isn't Thompson. I know why you didn't like being picked for this stunt. I know what's in that briefcase, and I know why you want to fly the coupe. Huh? You, uh, spoke yesterday about a deal. Yeah. How much? $50. $50? Don't play footsie with me, Thompson. $50 grand. $50,000. $50,000. Hot money like that, I'll have to trade off at a discount. But you'll be in Brazil getting your money's worth. Dollar for dollar. Just take your briefcase, Mr. T, and unzip. Just what do you think I have in this briefcase? I don't think. I know. Look, I'll tell you who I am and why, all about it. Time's away from Mr. Thompson in 10 minutes. Call the cops. My name's Kirkwood. I came on the Chicago plane, not the one from Houston. Ah, Vera was on the Chicago plane. She never saw you. I came to Los Angeles to kill myself, Mr. Zant. To kill myself in such a way that I could never be identified. I'm going blind. I'll be totally blind six months from now. Oh, come now, really. What are you giving me, Thompson? Five years. For five years I went to ice specialist. New York, Philadelphia, Canada, spend every cent I had trying to find a cure. Look, I got no time to brandish words with you. Then I heard of this one doctor, a Viennese refugee, lives in Rio. He's cured cases like mine, but my money was gone. Look, I'm going to find you. Oh, why don't you believe me? I have a daughter, Mr. Zant. All I can either is my insurance. I thought if I disappeared, if it could never be proved, I killed myself. That's why I didn't want to be recognized. That's why I grabbed for this wonderful chance this free trip to Brazil. And the briefcase, Mr. T, what's in the briefcase? Dynamite. Dynamite? I bet it's dynamite. You're some joker, Thompson. Were you going to kill yourself with dynamite? So I couldn't be identified, yes. Let me see the dynamite, Mr. T, the crisp green dynamite. Don't touch that briefcase. Buster, I've been turning the place inside out to find you. Vera, leave us be. But I just remembered it's daylight saving time here on the coast. That plane leaves an hour earlier. Buster, watch out! When I came to, there was Roman candles going off in my head. And Vera was tied to a chair with a towel stuffed in her mouth. The airplane think it was going out of my wallet, of course. But I saw by my watch there was still time. Ten minutes later, we was in my car, Vera. Halfway to the airport. I took a shortcut up through the hills and kept the gas pedal flat on the floor. It was a while before Vera said anything. Buster, this will really blow up your stunt if you have Thompson pinched at the airport. No two-bit hood's going to push me around. Well, let's see if we can figure some way to get me on the plane, quiet. Then after I've left, I'll... won't you nail Thompson? Forget it. Forget the stunt, doll. Now I'm on for blood. What time does that plane leave? I forgot. 1140 daylight saving, 1040 standard. Ah, that Thompson. Claimed he came in on the other plane, not the one from Houston. No kidding. I said right off. You would have known if he was on the same plane as you. That's right, Buster. And then when I ask about the briefcase, he says it's dynamite. After you saw that $500 bill with a serial number. That's right, Buster. Thompson didn't know the combination he was up against. Me and a sharp doll like you. That's right, Buster. You spotting that headline right off. And remembering that serial number, 100%. That's... Yeah, it's funny, though. What's funny? Well, that you couldn't remember your room number or the time the plane leaves. If you got the memory you say you have. That's right, Buster. Hey, it's you. It isn't, Thompson. You were the Texas hoodlum. This gun's loaded, Buster. Turn off at the next side road. You came on the Houston plane. You played me for a sucker. I played you for what you are. Step on it. Every last lead I got on Thompson, I got from you. If I ever trust another doll... You won't live to worry about it, Buster. Turn. Turn right here. Particularly so with various gun nudging my ribs. I turn. It's an old car, pre-war. It sounded like it was splitting at the seams. She jabbed my ribs again and I pushed the gas down and gave her everything she'd taken. End of the road, doll. It's a cop. I don't see any cop. But you see I got the gun, doll. You see that, don't you? Well, Josephine here, she has a lovely habit. You give her too much gas, she resents it. She backfires. Bang, bang, bang. Which is tough on a doll's nerves if she's as jumpy as you are. Buster, look. You couldn't make a deal, could you? Say, 50 grand? Say, that wouldn't be ethical. Which was the truth, but not quite the whole truth. It was worth kissing 50 grand goodbye to Turn Vera and after she calmed me the way I did. Because one thing I can't stand, being taken over the hurdles by a doll. So that wound up to stunts. Thompson? Oh, he took off, okay. And the doctor in Rio handled his case. His eyes are 100% now without cheaters. Me? Well, this 4th of July, I have nothing on the docket. But have I dreamed up one whale of a stunt for Thanksgiving? Let's see what you think. The moviegoer who arrives at Grumman's Chinese exactly at midnight, gets a free Mandarin's uniform, all the chops he can eat. Suspense, presented by Auto Light. Tonight's star, Mr. Jack Carson. Say, Wilcox, have you made the Auto Light team? Well, you might say I'm a pitcher, hap, I make the pitch for more than 400 products made by Auto Light for cars, trucks, planes and boats in 28 plants coast to coast. These include complete electrical systems used as original equipment on many makes of America's finest cars. Generators, coils, distributors, voltage regulators, wire and cables, starting motors, electric windshield wipers. All engineered to fit together perfectly, work together perfectly because they're a perfect team. So friends, if your Auto Light equipped car needs replacement parts, ask for and insist on Auto Light, original factory parts at your neighborhood service station, car dealer, garage or repair shop. Remember, you're always right with Auto Light. Next Thursday for Suspense, our stars will be Kathy and Elliot Lewis. The play is called Love, Honor and Murder. And it is, as we say, A tale well calculated to keep you in suspense. Great Suspense play was produced and edited by William Spear and directed by Norman MacDonald. Music for Suspense is composed by Rene Garagank and Lucian Morawek and conducted by Ludbluston. The One Millionth Joe is an original play written for radio by Sylvia Richards. Jack Carson may currently be seen in the Columbia picture The Good Humor Man. Don't forget, next Thursday, same time, Auto Light will present Suspense starring Kathy and Elliot Lewis. You can buy world-famous Auto Light resistor or standard spark plugs, Auto Light staple batteries, Auto Light electrical parts at your neighborhood Auto Light dealers. Switch to Auto Light. Good night. The American economic system has brought greater material benefits to more people than any other system the world has ever known. Because we have been able to produce more per man and per machine, we have been able to live better and enjoy our individual freedom. Learn more about your part in the American way of life. Write to Suspense, box 10, Times Square Station, New York City for the free booklet, The Miracle of America. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.