 Tumia kwa wajitama siwi twonimu Wa kwa wajitama siwi twonimu Tumia kwa wajitama siwi twonimu Tiki Mi na su Ramagukwo Gilinutu na kwa wajitama Houtu na maikini Ta maikini Kwa wajitama yaka Kwa wajitama siwi wajitama Niki In studio, I'm doing by a fantastic duo to my extreme right, and we, Alan Lawrence, he is an inspirational speaker, an author, and a relationship coach. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you for coming. It's a pleasure. You're welcome. Thank you so much. Next to me, I'm joined by Ruth Mudoni. She is a senior property advisor. Thank you so much. Thanks for coming. Thank you. I am blessed to be here. So am I. So am I. So am I. Well, today, let's engage with us, with you. The hashtag is the power talk show at Ram Maggo and that Y254 channel. Let me start with you, Alan. Yes. Can money ruin relationships? And how can we ensure that money is the solid foundation of our relationship? Yes, it happens because you realize that most of the people get into a relationship with a wrong perspective or with a wrong notion. Because I've always said that some people get into a relationship and they treat a relationship as if it's a financial breakthrough whereby they come, they come, they are not thinking of how can we grow together. Because the reason for the relationship is for us to grow together, for us to be able to advance ourselves because you need to do an introspection after I met this person. What have I really achieved as far as my career, as far as my finances is concerned? So this is a kind of discussion people should have from the very onset. I love what you are saying. You are saying that for some people look at relationships as a financial breakthrough. And which must become to you. Now, for many ladies, I will say this. They say I want a well of man, a man who is financially stable. Yes. And when you realize that they are not having that job you wanted, they are not earning that amount of money you want, they may be just fleas. Why do we do that? I think there is a notion of we want the rich people, want the rich men, people who are stable, people who are stabilized. I think it depends. You can't ask for a man who has money and yet you have no job, you have no car. And you want this man to come and finance you. It's interesting because the lady is not financially stable and you want a man who is financially stable. And that is where we go wrong. I always say like there is someone who says that if you want a man who drives you, definitely find them at the parking lot. And yet yes, I do agree. So people really need to put in the work. Because at the end of the day you attract who you are. And you know like that angle of ladies, you realize that a lady for example has a state that his father was poor. And he accommodated the father. He didn't run away. Why like now they want a man who is rich? How can we ensure that money doesn't ruin relationships in your view? Both of you need to have the money. Let's start with that. So that it does not become you have to do this, I have to do this. Or you have to come so that I can get a car, I can get to finance my house, buy things. No, I think money in relationship you both need to put effort into it. Yes. I want us to give different scenarios, different cases, different possible cases in regards to this particular topic or conversation. And let me start with before you get into a relationship before you date. There is a time when you are still trying to get that potential, that perfect potential. The guy or the lady who is working, the lady who is well groomed and who of course comes from a humble background. What are some of the common mistakes most young people do or make before they get into relationships that pertain to money? Wow, interesting. I've talked about it in my book called Before You Think of Dating. And in the book I've talked of before you even consider a relationship, what is your life purpose? Because if your life purpose is not known, any person can take advantage of you. So you need to be hauled before you get into a relationship because otherwise you'll get into a relationship as if it is actually a rescue center from yourself. You are not filled with yourself. It's like you are evading your financial responsibility so that you compound on this person. And because if you've not known who you are and if you've not known your life purpose, if there is nothing you are doing with your life, you realize that your happiness is fully dependent on this person and this person cannot deliver it. And there is nothing as so sweet as enjoying your own space. Because the moment you enjoy your own space, when you come into this relationship, you won't be competing with this person. You'll be complimenting this person. So people need to reach to that point whereby they are hauled themselves, they have understood their life purpose and they have known the assignment they are coming to do into this relationship. Because a relationship is not on the foundation of feelings, it's on the foundation of commitment. You can say that because I love him, I want to date him. No, it can't. Because if we can use love as a artistic to be able to enter into a relationship, how many people fall in love with you? How many people? It's about commitment. That is why I don't buy into this notion whereby people say it was love at first sight. It was just infatuation. Because a relationship is commitment. You don't believe in love at first sight? No, nothing. You can like the person, but you can never love the person. It's a commitment. So you should not date emotionally, it's intentionally. A lady has seen a guy in a very nice suit, a mama Laurence. Laurence is in a tie, a three piece suit. They are nice shoes, nice socks, nice pocket square. Everything on the glasses. So this guy must be well off. When a lady is in campus, you realize that they always, for some, they tend to want to get to have sponsors. What's the take in regards to that? Because now that is yet a relationship that is being built in campus, but based on money. I think people want quick money. The young generation wants quick money. So that you can floss on Instagram, Facebook, your statuses. You can afford the things that you yourself have not worked for. And let me tell you one thing. Money that is not yours, you will spend it the way that you want. But you will have so much respect for money that you've worked for. And you've earned. Wow. But here we have campus chick that wants it easy. They want their rents to be paid. Money cures, saloon, pedikure. And when you tell such a person you're working, they'll be wondering what's the job and how much money is being paid. Why are you working? What will you tell that lady who is interested in a sponsor or who has a sponsor that is interested in her? Who is watching you today? Work hard. Work hard. Easy money goes. But whatever you've earned, whatever you've worked hard for, you will respect that money. You won't go and buy lunch or buy clothes or buy shoes. Do your nails. You'll invest. You'll invest so that that money gets to multiply. What's the problem with men in this particular scenario? Men feel like they can, for some, they feel like they can buy love. Let me take you out. And just because I've taken you out, I feel like you owe me something. That woman owes you something. If she doesn't bring back or return the investment you've given, you've given out, you feel like you own her. Even if it's a sponsor to call such kind of people men, because those are literally boys. Why? Because it is a real man who will do things just because it's their love language. They enjoy doing it. But a person who is doing things that is not even dating in the first place, that will be trading. Because at the end of the day you are just showcasing who you are. And you realize that most of these people, they use that one as a cover-up from the reality they are supposed to face. But they are not facing it. So they fear commitment. This lady is not yet dating. I don't know if I agree with what he said. Yes, I agree. But we have a lady who is not dating. But umekubali kupeli kwa out. This guy has used money. So when he wants something and you say no, you don't want that. And he reminds you, nimi kupeli kwa out, nimi kunuri amangu, nimi kulipia rents, nimi kubahiasi nimi, for some, hata magari. Is that the way to go? Is it a problem of the men or the women? It is the problem of the women. Because we want simple things. We feel good. We want to be bought for cars. We want to be bought for flowers. Go make your hair. Your rent is paid. But you have to pay. You have to pay for that money. There is someone who says that if someone spends money on you, they have bought you. That you should return. I don't really think so. Yes, you will return if it's an agreement. I feel as if men feel so obliged. Niki kulunulia kitu, niki kufaniya kitu, you have to come and do something about it. But it shouldn't be the case. And the problem that we do as women is tell the men what we want. Don't tell a man what you want. Because you're giving that man a leeway to your heart. Yes, you're giving that man a leeway to your heart. But then what do you expect? You've accepted my advances. You've accepted my gifts. Like you see what happens in the first place, the foundation of the relationship is what matters. As much as you cannot just meet somebody on the way and you just buy them. So it means that even today no one will just start a relationship with you. They started with you long time ago. And no one can break up with you instantly. They started it long time ago. Most of the ladies, especially ladies, they tend to be blinded by even the red roses tend to blind them to see the red flags. Because they tend to be so much excited. And you realize that the men of such kind they will tend to excite your flesh as a lady. Because I will come and I really know what you want. But I will not provide what you need. So you realize that this generation whereby people, the moment I get you out what excites you tells me more about you. So if I've realized that what excites you more is about cars, I will do anything and everything. And that is where we do wrong telling a man what you want. When I come and tell Mr. Alan maybe he wants to cut me and I tell him I love being brought for roses. I love chocolates. I love vacations. I have already given him a leeway to my heart. Men are hunters. But then how can you avoid that yet someone has asked you tell me something about yourself. What do you like? But you can avoid the question by saying I love a man who is responsible. I love a man who respects ladies. I love that. You have to be smart. You have to be smart. I agree with what she is saying because Fritz leaves a parcel like it's an interview setup. No one will give you the leakage that these are the questions you should be asked. So they just let you come in blank as you are so that you can start from there. Those are tips for the ladies in the room. If a man asks you, tell me what you like. Don't tell them I like chocolates. I like a man who is responsible. Respect the man. The woman. Because let me tell you Ram the next two weeks that man will bring the chocolates. He will take you to trips. He will do whatever he will pay your rent because he knows that is what you want. No, no, not really. I am just saying in a relationship setup if you want a serious man so that this person gets a man is a hunter and I repeat. So that person does not know what you want. He will keep buying doing this and that and that. But there are some men who bought you and still I keep emphasizing on this that there are some men once they bought you gifts they will want you to pay back. And of course mostly it's sexual. But you see Ram honestly, like for men it's a serious work psychologically a man who does serious about a lady in the first days I will do everything and anything to impress this lady materially. You get. That's when I'll be so much quick even to apply her to any destination she want. One question for both of you does money make or break relationships? It can be two ways depending on the foundation of the relationship. It can be two ways. Yes, it can make the relationship or it can break the relationship. There's a time maybe in a relationship and you feel as if the woman is earning more than the man. And this is where I say where the finances the devil comes to kill still and destroy. So you need to be smart. Amen. You need to be careful. You need to be careful. Now still this is in this time where you are not yet dating before you start dating. Now we have scenarios where you've met a guy or you've met a lady and you've got an interest in them. Now they have accepted to take you out or you have decided to take them out. In this particular scenario you realize many people want to make many observations, conclusions and analysis to find out how is this person going to handle me when we are out. Will they pay the bills? This is before you start dating. Will they pay the bills? After dating will he get me a carb home? Ways to establish the financial stability and responsibility of a man or woman. Is that how it ought to be? Still on your list and then I'll come to you Lawrence. I feel as a lady it feels good when you go out this man takes responsibility. He he doesn't even matter about paying for the carb but you are the one who called me for the date. So you are the one who called me for the date. Whoever calls Is it the first date? Is it the first date? You've not started dating. I think you want to cut me. It's the first time you're meeting. So you want to cut me. It feels good when a man wants to pay the bill and you are okay to check on you if everything is fine. Take for your carb and go home. That is for the first. I don't mean it's the responsibility of a man to do that. But since that is the first date. Powerful. Lawrence, yes. For me what happens in the first date? Psychologically it's a man it's not about even the thing the bill. It's about increasing the responsibility because ladies get attracted to potential. Show casing the responsibility. So paying bills isn't about who has money but it's about who is responsible. It's about responsibility basically because at the end of the day is this person because I'm committing for this relationship I will do anything and everything to ensure that it works and that I'm paying the bill to impress the lady. No, I'm doing this to show it's just like the way people pay dowari. Alright. I want to give yet more examples. Loans. Some guys take loans to impress the woman. Woman a date and now you are taking loan alone. Both of you deal with issues to do with finance. Is it advisable to take a loan because of a date? It is never that serious. Why take a loan to impress someone? There are good loans and there are bad loans. Take a loan to invest but don't take a loan to take someone out. If stay in your capacity if kama uneza toshiau when the two up at town chickening take that lady there because that is where your capacity is. Then you can't why are you going for an expensive person then if you can't afford. Why? Stick to your lane. Stick to your lane. Love is blind. But dating is an eye opener. You see love. Dating is an eye opener. I wish we had an audience here. Love is blind. But dating is an eye opener. Because during the dating that is the point whereby you get to understand this person you get to interact. If I'm going to take a loan to impress this person it means that this person is way above me I cannot sustain me. So it's not what the hassle. So better for you just do whatever it is within your means. That is why I said I'm not serious. There is my level. Accept me the way I am. Because in this lady water lady will see it's about the potential. How I take care of her. How I treat her. You know about taking her to a posh place. I can take her to that posh place. But my manners and the way we relate with her is not that palatable to her. I want us to touch on now a different side now. We said before dating. Let's get to now the dating process. The man is involved here. I want you to engage with us. Keep talking to us. That's why it's part of the show. I keep on saying why in the morning why in the morning also. That's why it's part of the show. Ram Aguko. Let us know where you're watching us from. Ask your questions. Give your thoughts in regards to this particular conversation. Let's talk about during dating. Now you're dating and it's official that both of you are maybe thinking of getting married. Or you're already married. Should couples get to do businesses and investments together? Yes. 3 I'd advise couples to have 3 banks accounts. 4 actually 4 bank accounts. 4? Yes 4. A joint bank account savings account and now the two are the personal accounts. The joint account make sure this is the money that gets to pay the bills in the houses and whatever you need. The savings account and now you save the money and the personal account it doesn't feel well when you want to go tell your husband you need to do your nails, you need to do your hair. This is your personal money. No one needs to ask you what to do with your personal money. So is it wrong for the women to ask their husbands it is not wrong but I'm just saying it feels good when you do something for yourself. But I can come and tell you chip in to maybe buying a car. I have 800. I need 400,000 more. It feels good even you as a man it feels good. You take. People should because we are working as a team whereby openness comes in place. The moment we understand that this is our financial capability we will be able to invest together the way she is saying we have a saving account whereby projects and water view then that point whereby it reaches to that point as much as these ladies whether they look good there is nothing as sweet as a man's money they will tell you it is true because we say if it's not working for me it's going somewhere else so a man however even if this man will give her 100 shillings it feels so good it makes her world so she feels loved and cared for exactly so she feels loved and cared for exactly now still on investments should you spend money on each other investing on each other let me give an example and of course this one we have so many ways of investing in terms of money in terms of business ideas education should couples invest in each other in such a manner because you only have a store where you invest Mr. Wisuzi from this house yes these two guys you only have a store where you invest exactly so if this person for instance if you invest so much in your woman believe me you will also feel so nice you know as much as you are growing you are also responsible there is someone who is accountable to you and it feels so nice and it's a good thing actually to invest in teacher now there is a particular scenario of a man who invested in a woman took her to school gave her a sense of education got her a job now she is well off and she is no longer interested in the guy I'm talking to her the lady is like I mean in some issues he can buy I know you've heard of such a scenario a man has invested all his money in a woman only for the woman to say no and this is where you get cases where the woman was killed I don't know what happened because it feels bad when you invest in something and then mada rau in a kuja a kufaikuana mada rau invest in each other and that's why it is investing in each other not you invest in me and me I don't invest in you what about scenarios where you've seen couples who have invested in each other to the point that one now goes above the other let me give an example and of course I'm sorry but it is also based on the number of cases that I've also heard and based on the research that I've done and the finalists that I've realized we've seen ladies who have been a man who has invested in a woman now the kind of job the man has of course isn't earning much but now because he invested in the woman the woman got a good job with a good salary and now she's moving and rolling with the high class people she now feels as though I need a better man that's why I always say never commit or date a lady or a man who has not even tested money because you don't know their character but how can you test money and become a humble background you see there is a way that is why you need to see the character of this person when they have money and when they don't have money because the way this person will react even if they have a thousand bob is the same way they will react when they have a million so you have to test this person even for that case whereby you are saying you have taken someone to school and this person changes nobody changes overnight they started way back but you choose to ignore the red flags so it reaches to that point whereby that's why I began by saying people need to date intentionally and ask serious questions and do proper projections 5 years from now this person ask yourself what if but you realize today people get to dates the things they discuss nothing because all about the trending things but matters to do investment they don't and especially guys we don't open up we don't open up and this is your future remember and if you are looking at spending the rest of your life with this person you have to ensure this kind of conversation should couples make financial planning together financial plans together of course this can be yearly monthly plans but based on finances yes they should but now here you have a problem a man does not disclose his salary that is where the problem is that is now where the problem is and this is now I throw him back to the ladies because a man who is not opening up about their finances they say Ujama excites financially and every man can spend on you and every man can open can open up to you it's you now because women are so powerful these people they are very powerful they can make you open up but the problem now here is about the lady if I am not opening up she has not excited me well okay so Allah you are saying the reason why a man hasn't disclosed his financial information is because the woman has not triggered the interest exactly and then are we even dating or is it before dating we are dating so whereby now you have to be my self space today you know what I am broke next year next year we want you to be our self space there is an importance of having the bank account that is where I will get what you earn yes you will have to get money for the joint venture you will have to get money for the savings you will have to get your personal money you know this man he is a joint he is a joint but how did you come up but you know for as long as we put money in the joint and in the savings now there is a personal that's why I said this personal money and this personal money I can't ask you what you are doing but that doesn't mean we splurge money everywhere you are interested in finding out how much he earns oh yes I will yes I will for security reasons for security reasons it's good but you know in the dating setup it's a bit hard because you don't know who this person is at the end of the day if you are dating you don't do it you should not unless you are not serious just you want to excite the place of this person but if you are serious about it this person will find out they will definitely find out so if you are dating don't disclose unless you are married unless you are married unless you are married unless you are married just know about his vision what have you so the married ought to disclose information ATM bank pins not necessarily it will just come automatically there is no day you will be like you know there are couples who know each other's pins that's okay but it's not a must you just find yourself because if this person is your best friend they are not your fan they are your best friend what are you hiding what about investments that are personal we have seen people who have gotten into problems because of this particular scenario where this guy has some land he has a shamba he has a shamba he has a shamba and this guy made an investment somewhere and the family is not aware and I have seen this also happen on the ground it becomes so bad because the family isn't aware that the man has some piece of land unfortunately if the man passes on rapalatu kuna shamba things are growing and no one knows who owns that piece of land I think that is selfishness it's being selfish and I am in real estate my main agenda is settling Kenyans and I get so many cases like that you do real estate yes I am in real estate and I get people who want to buy property now whata kibibi the husband or the wife to know that they want it to be a secret I think that is being very selfish because okikufa ita sa idea nani ita enda wa api then what was the essence of buying if you won't share with your partner you know you are going to die obviously but I think I am going to die but I think I am going to die but I think I am going to die but at least I am going to be with mama because that is being selfish there is a lot of insecurity there because you look at that relationship if it happens there is something the man knows or the woman knows but they are not willing to open up they have seen 5 years from now Naibia paku takalika? Naibia paku takalika? So you cannot force a client to put the wife and maybe they have a problem. Today you have the right to advise this client. Because you cannot tell them, when they are sitting opposite at Trafadali, please, eka bibi ya kwa. First of all, if there are children involved, eka bibi ya kwa. It might not even help your wife, but this property might help your children. You have to have a safe space in your husband or your wife. You have to feel safe with these people to get to even open up and tell them nimenunua shamba. This is not for you. Kamu utaki sa idea bibi. Muambia, this is not for you. This is for my children. This is for my children. Na akundo shida ina kwa. Yuko api ya ngo basi, kama yun ya watoto. Ina manisha kuna shida. Kuna. There is a problem in the family. That these people are not opening up. Yes. What? There is a problem. Like the way you hear gossip, they be like, don't tell Ram. So you tell Ram and Ram knows that you know what, don't tell so and so. So everyone knows, don't tell so and so. So it's a secret, but it's no longer a secret. Because everyone is not telling the other. Everyone is telling the other not to tell the other. Yeah, and the other not to tell the other. Relation is a complicated. All right. Still during dating or marriage in terms of investments, you want to do something called, you want to start a business. How should couples handle a scenario where one partner wants to start a business and you know, maybe need support from the other partner? Mucho agreement and let's have this conversation because I like the way you are saying, a couple. And if they are working as a team, the dream will work. But if this person comes with their interest and this comes with their interest, we cannot work because house divided can never materialize to anything. But if these two can come and be like, you know what, we are doing this for us, not for any other person. Like the effort and the input would be mucho. Understanding that we are growing as a family. In some cases, you realize one partner doesn't support the business. But who you, an attacker. Mostly in a scenario where the man is not interested. He doesn't want the woman to do a particular business. But the woman wants that business. How do you handle it? Because that is also a form of investment. Before she comes in, you see like what happens, it is a commitment. And remember, once you are committed into this relationship, it's no longer you, it is us. So there are some things you will have to compromise for the sake of the relationship. You cannot just say the standard up there that there is no place you can meet. So you need to enter into, like for instance as a man, I need to enter into her world and see what makes her happy. And I will ensure that I do that and she will also enter into my world and see what makes me happy and she will be able to do it. So it is a question of do we understand the dynamics of each other and how can we like disagree to agree. Agree with what he says. And also there are so many scenarios whereby I want to do something but I do not have the finances but I want my husband to finance. And as you've said, maybe the husband does not want to finance. As he said, there has to be a mutual agreement and you have to take a risk. Take a risk on your wife, take a risk on your girlfriend. The people who are investing and they are not yet married, take a risk. Maybe that risk is the opening factor to your relationship. So take a risk. Let the husband support the wife, let that person give her money and say you go try. And maybe you go try and the business does not work. Try again. Because now if the business does not work then one partner will say but I told you. I told you I didn't want you to invest in this but you did, you insisted. I wasted money. Yes, they will use the way. I wasted money because you insisted. That's an honor. I think just take a risk again. And that's why you go to fight. Not everything works in the first trial. You have to try. You have to keep trying. But I haven't said that you fail now, fail tomorrow, fail all the time. So take a risk on your wife, give her that money. If the business does not work, sit down. Look at what and what you did wrong. What and what you can improve. Risk again. Take responsibility. And this goes to all the men out there. Are you interested in taking a risk on your wife? Can you do so? I think you should. Can you invest in your wife? I think you should. Now let me give a different scenario here. Because I've talked about many cases where the husband ants more. What about when the woman ants more? The woman is on who has the power to make things run in the house. She ants more. Maybe the husband isn't working. But one day that becomes a problem. How do you deal with that? As a man in the first place you need to be secure enough. You need to be secure enough and you be like let this woman be your self space. And that one does not mean you as a man. We are working as a team remember. And for a lady if you have an opportunity to be financially stable than him. Does not negate that he is a man in your life. Does not make him less of a man. But for some women they start making all the decisions alone. In the first place she didn't mean well for this man. In the first place because if you really mean well you will give him hope. Because remember I said that ladies will only see the potential in a man. And a serious lady will actualize the potential of this man to become the real man they want. They be like you know what today you are down. What can we really do so that you can progress forward. But a person who is not serious about you can say those are just sliquins who will be like you know what if he is not earning much remember it will not love now and commitment that brought you here. We are choosing violence. Just sliquins. Because you are just interested after what this man can offer. So you are just a friend to this person. You are not his friend. Because if truly we have been friends no matter what comes we will still remain intact. So why today around if something happens and I no longer talk to you and I choose violence it means that I was not a friend I was just an enemy waiting for an opportunity. So in that scenario this was just the lady trying to look for a perfect opportunity so that her true character can manifest. So she was just you know just hiding herself under the mascara under water. And he is choosing violence and I know what of you. That's why they will throw you down. Your view a woman who is earning more than the man. I think even in the Bible it says for better for worse. And so that you get to even get married you need to respect your husband regardless of his financial status. Allow me to cut a tishote I need to take a break and after that break I want us to come back but after this break I want us to touch on very very fundamental things when does and when did it start that my money is our money and your money is your money when does that keep engaging with us that is part of the show on Twitter at Ramago at White if I was China it's all about relationships money and investments this is power talk Y254 Imagine It is a pleasure being with you welcome back this is power talk my name is Ram Aguko it is a pleasure being with you and I'm seeing so many people on our social media handle this is Kevin and so much enjoying the show thank you so much everybody who has left in the comments thank you for letting us know why you watching us from keep engaging with us the hashtag is power talk show at Ram Aguko at White 254 channel is where you can be engaged with us remember we are also live on our website at www.kbc.co.ke 4th Lush White 254 so you can follow us online from wherever you are watching us from today we are talking about issues with money relationships money and investments now before we went on that particular break we were talking about when the woman aunts more than the man and I want to bring in a particular scenario whereby the woman has seemingly is not happy with some of the financial decisions of the man how should this particular conversation go whereby the woman is disappointed at the financial decisions of the man but at the same time know that this woman is earning more and this particular individual who is the man Ruth please don't keep quiet go talk to your man tell him what and what you're not agreeing with what you think you need to change regardless of your earning more or your not you won't feel it embedded I don't think I made you who you are I am done I am done I am done I am done I am done I am done I am done I am done I am done I have done a bad financial decision but the first word is I have done and then you put to the table what you want to say you always say in the Bible respect your man Respekt him first Then after you respect him, tell him now what you want him to hear It's not about conflict, it's not about arguments Don't argue, you need to understand each other Have a conversation and have an understanding And that's when you'll get to air out what your problem is For me is the way she's saying First of all, connect with this man Then correct him Because remember, man we have a fragile ego You try anything to see me even to Suggesting that you're putting me down I will rebel and I will do even worse But if you connect with me You'll be like, why are you doing this Try to understand from my point of view Then bring like a suggestion The problem ladies face when trying to pass a message to a man They'll be like you should, you know That one puts a man down But the moment you suggest to him And let it be like it is coming from him That you know what for the betterment of this relationship Supposing you did things this way He'll be like okay, so he will be able to connect Now we're in a restaurant The man doesn't have money so he can't pay the bills But we are in a restaurant And of course is the woman who should pay the bills How do you handle this particular scenario As a woman After taking the meal Just tell him you'll pay the bill You don't have to tell him What he is paying No, just tell him Today I'll sort out the bill Today I'll take care of the bill This is a couple Okay, depending on how the man operates But I'll feel like You know also it can If you think that this man doesn't have money And we're getting to the restaurant Supposing you did it before When they're like it's for you Or give him the money to pay Give him the money to pay He will feel he owns the place Or don't you think he'll compare He won't feel intimidated Okay, you just do it in a nice way Depending on how he is So I feel if it comes from him It'd be like on this place It'd be like you know what Okay, okay Nice tips I hope you're learning something from home Now I want us to talk about Breakups now And here we're looking into money Relationships Investments And breakups You've invested in each other for so long And here is a scenario where you have to What happens to Everything that You are invested in The property You bought this lady A restaurant Or started a business You called it Ram restaurant Or for example This is Ruth Ram My goodness Now we are chana Because No one will break up with you They broke up with you Like even three years ago And especially for men Everybody will agree with me A man knows the direction The relationship will go So however But I literally know that it's not going anywhere So the sustainability Of our relationship is fully dependent On a man If he is going to make it work It will work So for this scenario That's why I've said Let it be on the foundation of friendship You're saying that every relationship Depends on the man Depends on the man So if a relationship doesn't hold If people break up It's only the man Because believe me Do your research Do your research Every relationship That doesn't work It is the man who has the problem It's the man who doesn't want to make it work Do your research well Because let me tell you A lady by her own means She will do everything and anything To ensure that this relationship works But if a man is not into it No matter what you do As a lady It's not about both of them putting the efforts Just the man Just the man Even if the lady will be like I agree now I hadn't agreed before Because you're a lady Let me choose Now I know Ask every man Who has broken up with a lady They'll be like Even immediately they saw this lady They knew where we were going Because there is nothing Either you are fully into this relationship Or you are not fully into it This thing whereby people say Let's try and see how it works Already that's a red flag It won't work Because a man knows this is a wife material I'll help you today Do you forget about it? I wish we had men in the I don't know They would tell me if they agree with it I don't want to work alone Do you agree that Every relationship that has not Worked out well Is because of the man We're saying all So anything that Now if they work out is because of the man So whether they work out or not The woman has nothing to do with The man can try But the man, the responsibility Lies fully on the man Ruth, you take in regards to that As you tell us a lot In this type of investment After Miachana, there are two types of couples There's one whereby the man will say Because you have my children Just take everything And that will cater for my children And maybe there's another Maybe relationship where you do not have Children yet And maybe you will split 50-50 Because each and every person invested Into that business So it's either The man gets to tell you You take the investment And let's part ways Or we are not friends Or In the next scenario 50-50 What you've invested And go with what I've invested What about the name Of the restaurant Should you change it Should you retain it Ram and Ruth hotel Or something And now Ram is not there But is now Ruth and Alan I think there's a relationship whereby Maybe Mekosana And you don't want to see each other And maybe there's another one Maybe it's an agreement So in that scenario If you're good friends It can still stay Ram and Ruth It's just a name What about Now Ram and Ruth are no longer there Is not Ruth and Alan Now Alan has a problem With the name of this restaurant Because the name is attached To your ex You change it Okay Like I agree with her whereby Now it depends But majorly if It will just romance that brought you together That is when people can split And you decide everything We have to split But if there is a greater goal you are fulfilling Believe me the business can continue And still be friends Because that's why people make This mistake That's when they start building friendship It should be friendship then we begin dating So the moment the friendship is there It is the relationship that didn't work The romance part of it didn't work It doesn't mean that we cannot continue Being friends as business partners Where by whatever we do It's purely business Because I've seen people who are exes And whatever they are doing It is so good And they are progressing And they are secure enough To mention each other names At every point there is an opportunity So it reaches to that point whereby Are you mature enough To sustain this relationship To sustain the friendship and to sustain the business So it is an aspect of also maturity And you are understanding Because some people Whenever things go sour They will come and split everything It becomes miss And that's where kids now Get affected And there was a bill That was passed in parliament This week That also touches on that You can tell us what you think about this particular bill Kama kwa nampangwa Kwa nampangwa kando Kwa nampangwa kanda Kwa nampangwa kanda What happens in the case of death Who should benefit from The resources Of the finances of demand Of which we know That it should be the Not legitimate I'm looking for the term But the legally wedded wife Toto wakesasa Not a benefit Where by now I think it has captured That a point whereby If this person has a child And they are not married It's the lady who will benefit I think for me I look at it in a positive way It will make people be responsible enough With their actions Because it reached a point whereby It looked as if being a baby mama Especially Nairobi is one of a very well paying job You will see the demands people will put In place then you wonder So it means That people need to work People need to be responsible enough For their actions And everything they are going to get Involved So it gives people responsibility You have taken that? It is a good bill for responsibility as well I want us to touch on Now Other scenarios now We talk about before, during and after Now There are some cases that Of course Go cut across Whether it's before, during or after Let me give an example Let's say you're married and you have kids And your kids want you to buy them Gifts And your partner is not aware That you are going to buy these particular gifts How do you handle that particular scenario? Umenu li amtotu leo umenua By scale Keshokunua gaari Of course they are toys And these gifts That you keep on buying Sometimes they are gifts for yourself Your partner filters You are spending too much money On things we don't actually need How do you handle such a scenario? I think this is where Budgeting comes in You need to budget for your money And budgeting helps you to know What is coming in and what is going out And if it gets to a point That you are using more than you are earning There is a problem There has to be a cash fuel That's where I think The rich are There's more coming in that What is going out So you need to budget Children are very understanding I'll buy for you next month And make sure in the next month You've budgeted for whatever you wanted to buy Yes Another scenario that also cuts across Before that Do you have an input on that particular issue? I agree We need to budget Because to some extent You might be doing that And your partner will feel like You are doing this to win children's loyalty So you have to be very careful You've mentioned budgeting Should couples Divide Roles In terms of Money and budgeting We couples can say That it is my responsibility To pay rent And your responsibility To pay school fees And it is my responsibility to do X Your responsibility to do Y So if You look at the expenses Of the house That divided Those that are mine Those that are yours Is that an advisable way to go Is that the best way That couples should be able to go for I believe people to some extent They don't plan It comes naturally If people are understanding enough They'll feel like Especially for a lady They'll feel like my husband is doing enough And I think I can step in So that we can grow together But here now comes a challenge Ensure that whatever you are doing Let it come as a point of You agreeing That you know what Do not just push it Push it to her Let it be like Let it come especially for a lady Like she comes and tells you That you know what my husband I'm going to be paying school fees And what have you So all those kinds of things That's what I'm saying Is that the way That you say Yungu ta kwa kulipa school fees Yungu ni yungu Naturally a man needs to To take full responsibility of Everything Let's say you are saying I'm going to pay fees What is the man's input Also there So I think mutual agreement Mutual agreement Agree It has to be a mutual agreement And also when you have Now the bank accounts the joint venture That is where you get the money to pay your expenses So Apu I don't think you know Who has done this Who has done that So su kapul should not divide roles I don't think they should divide roles And also in the couples There is always that one person who Is really good on budgeting Budgeting is not a gender role It depends with the person who is best at it It might be the husband It might be the wife So the one who is much better On budgeting That person to that job So it means when you are about to choose your partner You really choose well Yeah exactly I want us to touch on this As we bring it to a close My money, your money, our money Where to Where we draw the line My money, your money, our money It depends with the culture That people have created You realize that even those people Who make noise on social media And all those places That you know It is his money It is our money You realize those people They support their husbands At the end of the day So it is a culture I believe it varies from Each family to each family It's a family culture That has been created It's a joint account So it's just that culture That we've created My money, your money, our money My money, your money is our money I think it's because People ask women Now I'm on the women part We tend to think If this person Is not using the money On us That money is going somewhere else And that's why you tend to see And my money is your money I said it wrong Your money is our money But my money is my money Yes, that is our money Which should not be the case That should not be the case I want us to wrap it up With this particular quote And I don't know if it will come up On your screen You will tell me if you agree with it My goodness This is the thing Invest in people who invest in you Invest in people who invest in you For me, I think I'll look at it From this side Where by It is a mutual coexistence And Do things because It's human And it is your nature Not because you have to benefit from this person So you should not only be kind To people who are kind to you And especially that is a point Whereby your personality And your true integrity is put to test Whereby can you do things To people who you cannot Expect anything in return Invest in people who invest in you About Do things willingly Don't invest so that And wait for him to invest in you Do it with a clean heart Do it with a clean heart So invest in that person Not expecting that person to invest in you But for as long as you've done your part It gives you a Very good satisfaction It makes you get very satisfied But yes, I also agree In one way or another Somebody who has also invested in you Even that other person needs to show efforts But then I'm wondering Will you start weighing out Who has invested in me most And who has not invested in you Okay, anyway I'm told we should wrap it up That's just the end of today's morning conversation This is power talk, as always a big thank you to You, thank you so much for being part of today's show Big thanks to Alan Thank you so much my brother Ruth, thank you so much It was a pleasure I should bring you back again This show airs again tonight At 10 p.m. My name is Ram Aguko This is power talk