 Today, we present to you the hardest moments I've had so far in motherhood, and I am praying that making this video doesn't make the list. You don't cooperate? Okay, I'll take quiet. Let's start with a light one and also an explanation as to why I'm wearing a bonnet right now. So if you follow our household Instagram account called Shared Vibe, you know that like many babies, Ryu loves her some hair. And I mean like deeply loves her some hair. Ryu, you're making this video so hard to do because you want to be putting hair in your mouth. Hey! The person who knows their status to disclose regardless of if somebody asks. So we cannot do this again today. It's a mat. Okay, no. So in addition to loving hair, she also loves squats. Squats for whatever reason calm her down. So I found out that if I can't get her to latch, a surefire way to do that is to try to squat and hold her the same time. Now this also puts me in a height of anxiety because I'm moving. I have her sideways. I'm trying to get her on the boob. It's like a lot going on at one time. So on this particular day, I have my hair out. Not just my hair, but like a little bit of extra help too. And I'm squatting and she's crying. I'm trying to get her to latch. But then she latches on to something else. Fistfuls of my extensions. And she starts ripping down at them. And in that moment, because I was already at this heightened state of arousal, I transform into a red nose. I start whipping my hair back and forth and like growling at the baby. She gonna shake it like a red nose. Like, like, like a red nose. And luckily, Jared was there to like see this whole thing. I say luckily with a grain of salt because I felt like deeply embarrassed and ashamed of like, why did I lose it? Like a, like a red nose. Like he just like stood up and was... Can I hold your hair back for you? And what I learned from this red nose experience is that the baby doesn't have to change or do anything different. I just have to adapt and figure it out. By far the hardest moment I've faced in motherhood thus far came when I was at a fork in the road between my career and my devotion to being there for the baby. I knew this moment would come. I just didn't realize it would come so soon. Two months after Ryu was born, I was presented with an incredible work opportunity that was happening abroad. And because we are still in a pandemic, not only would I have to travel for work, but I would have to travel and then quarantine for 10 days for work before I could take on this opportunity. That meant I would be leaving my two-month-old baby for 16 days. Now, because I thought just like you're thinking that is crazy, my initial gut reaction was to turn down an opportunity and to say no. But then Jared and I were just having more enhanced conversations about it. And he was like, look, in a year's time, you're not going to regret not going, but at the same time, you're not going to miss anything if you do go. And that was for me like the permission that I'm so grateful to receive from my partner to say like, it's okay, we got this. So with the support of Jared, I decided to make this sacrifice and leave my two-month-old baby for 16 days and it hurt. And I couldn't decide if it hurt so bad because of the biological separation between the two of us, or if it felt bad because I just experienced layers and pounds and generations of guilt for that decision. But the truth is, you all see, she's completely fine. And in the time that I was away, everything was completely fine. I had stocked up enough breast milk so her routine didn't change. She didn't recognize me from a can of paint at the time anyways, and ultimately like life went on. The lesson here is that you are still a mom. Heck, even a great mom, even if you aren't physically there. You may not be able to tell this right now, but when Raiu was born, she was born tongue-tied. And that essentially means that her frenulum was attached to the tip of her tongue, which would have made it difficult for her to latch and breastfeed and could cause speech impediments down the line. And not everybody who was tongue-tied needs to do something about it, but because her tongue-tied was so tight, we decided that it was best for Raiu if we went and got that clipped. And in essence, the doctor just takes a little pair of scissors and then just snips. So I get this appointment and I find out that not only can Jared not come in because it's a pandemic, but I have to assist the doctor in this procedure by holding the baby's head still. That he says to me is only going to be a little bit of drop of blood. I got a little bit of drop of blood. Just breastfeed her as soon as I leave the room, it should be perfectly fine. So here we are working on this operation together. He does the incision and it looks like a scene out of thriller. Raiu is screaming. The doctor jets and leaves the room. And then I am left here with this baby who's got blood everywhere, tears coming down her eyes. I'm crying. She's crying. Then I pop my boob out and I put it in her mouth and it worked out just fine. The lesson in this for me was you got to do what needs to be done, even when it's not fun, huh? Lastly, the greatest struggle that I have faced since becoming a mom is trying to strategize unique ways to get my screaming baby out of your hands and back into mine. Now, if you've come over to visit, you probably think this is a personal attack against you and the truth is it can't be personal because 80% of you do this. I don't know why. I don't know why people don't just hand the baby back. See how easy that is? It's actually a little arm workout. Hand it back. There's nothing that I want more than to share my happy, joyful, bouncing baby with you if you come over. I hold her all the time. My arms are tired and they want to break and I love seeing her happy and joyful with you. But when she's distressed, one, my boob's ache and two, she just wants comfort and comfort comes in what is familiar to her. Now, not to say that I can calm her down because as you can see, she's an unruly baby, but I have a better chance of calming her down. And it is so awkward for me to stand there while you try 70 different things and then look at the baby and say, why won't you calm down? Why won't you calm down? Because you won't pass me back to mom. Because you won't pass me back to mom. And I get it because at the end of the day, it's not that big of a deal if she cries. She will survive, life will go on, but it's just awkward. It's awkward and it's unnecessary and it can be easily remedied and fixed by hand the baby back. See, even the activity of handing her back makes her happy. Sometimes she just needs a little mama reset and then I can slide her right back. Little mama reset, slide her right back. The lesson that I learned with this one is that everything is less awkward when you do it with a smile. Have I had to box some of you out? Absolutely. Have we low-key struggled over the baby sometimes? Yes. But I just keep on smiling and doing what I think is best for the baby and everything is working out just fine so far. And that's the real moral of the story.