 If you're squirmish around blood, if you get scared of noises in the other room, then you're a coward. And you should not watch this movie I'm about to talk about, The Evil Dead Rise. Sorry for yelling at you. Let's begin. ["The Evil Dead Rise"] You know, a lot of people on the internet tell me that Scream is the most consistent horror film in all of cinema, but I think they're wrong. I think Evil Dead is. We have Evil Dead 1, phenomenal, original. We have Evil Dead 2, a great follow-up. We have The Army of Darkness, just as good. Nye, even better in my book. I like the comedy aspect. I like the dark humor. We had an ash spin-off TV series. We had another Evil Dead movie a few years back. And here we are again, 2023, The Evil Dead Rise. And I have to tell you something, the cycle is unbroken. It's still fantastic. A lot of things in this movie, oh my, did you hear that? I think it was a demon saying that if you don't subscribe to this channel right now, it's going to kill me. And I don't think you want blood on your hands. So make sure to subscribe to the channel. This is Written and Directed by Lee Cronin. Oh, you don't know who that is? Do you even watch movies, bro? I'm genuinely asking, because I have no idea who Lee Cronin is. And I looked him up on IMDb and I found a bunch of art. A bunch of nonsense. But clearly, one of them really struck a chord and they gave him this big property. And he freaking nailed the look. He nailed the tone. He nailed everything about it. I'm a big fan of this one, I have to tell you. Right out of the gates, it starts up, firing on all cylinders. There's blood, there's drama, there's scares. And then it just continues on that track. For an hour and 30 some minutes, it doesn't overstay its welcome. It has a nice clip. These are how movies are supposed to be, folks. None of this three hour artsy fartsy stuff that I'm hearing is out right now. I haven't seen it yet. Might need someone to pay me to go to that one. I should say this is gonna be spoiler-free. Probably should have started with that, I apologize. And in editing, I could put this at the beginning, but I mean, come on. We have things to do. Quick plot synop, short for synopsis. Ellie lives in a pretty crappy apartment. Listen, I'm not high on the hog myself, but when I look at where she's living, the circumstances around her, I think, you might just screwed up somewhere in life. And she'd probably be the first to admit that. She's got a couple kids she's raising, a husband who's out of the picture, and the place they're living at is going to be condemned in a month. So she has to get out of dodge with the family. It means pack up the bags. It's a whole process. It's a whole project. If you've ever moved before, I mean, I don't envy anyone who's in that position, especially when you're in a dilapidated building trying to move on to probably the next dilapidated building. She's got a couple neighbors down the hall, but for the most part, it's a very quiet place. That is until an earthquake kicks up and her son stumbles upon the Book of the Dead. And what does he do with the Book of the Dead? Well, he opens it, of course, which unleashes an unspeakable evil upon the world. One that's going to infect, corrupt, take possession of the mother, and the rest of it is herstory. It gets ugly fast, folks. And I'm gonna leave the story there. So she's got her kids. She has her estranged sister, who's back in her life conveniently shows up the night of this event. And it's really just a survival picture inside of this apartment complex for 95% of the film. Child actors can sometimes scare people. They're all freaking great. Do they screw up? Yes, do they make dumb decisions? Of course, this is a horror film, but not to the point where I was frustrated, not barbarian levels of stupid shit. It's plausible. It's somewhat believable. And I was all in on the ride. This movie's intense. It's dark. It's disturbing, but it's also fun at times. It's playful at times. It really gets the evil dead mantra down. Now I opened by saying, if you get queasy early, this definitely is not a movie for you. There is throwing up. There is cheese grater to skin. There's eyes popping. There's flesh peeling. There's blood oozing out of every orifice of this building and its residents. Color gradients topped here. Sound design is some of the best in the business right now. The music, the audio, the volume was in my ears until they bled. This thing is loud in the theater. And that's the only negative I have about this movie. No, not the noise from the movie, but the inhabitants of the theater itself. We'll get to that at the end. But I just have to say a lot of praise for this one. You know exactly what you're gonna get. A gory good time from start to finish. I wouldn't miss it in the theater. Honestly, it looks so good on the big screen and with that surround sound, you didn't know. You really didn't know if you could have got killed in that theater because of the beautiful pitch perfect noises taking place. I wanna hear from you. Did you see this movie already? Did you love it? Am I right? Or are you a little bit trepiditious to go in? I'm telling you, it's worth your time. Like this video if you had some good time as well. Please subscribe if you haven't, I'm begging you. I told you off camera, I'm being threatened. My life is on the line, man. Hit that subscribe button. I know it comes off as desperate, but honestly, we get desperate, right? We get desperate. And hopefully I'll catch you next time. Now, if you haven't left, I had a good run. I had a good run for a long time in the theater. I was seeing movies, people were keeping quiet, the phones were off. That ship has sailed, and that ship has failed because the audience that I dealt with last night by myself, because my buddy, Bless, no show ghosted me. Yeah, I'll be there at 9.45, Adam, where is he at? He's not here. He's not here. Didn't show up. You know who did show up? Couple of vaping in front of me. You know who else showed up? Douchebag on his phone the whole movie. You know who else showed up? People wandering in, seamlessly off the streets, 35, 45 minutes into the movie's runtime. What? What is going on with this movie? That it's bringing in all these douchebags. I was furious, but it's not like it was one person that I could say, hey, could you keep it down or hey, could you get off your phone? It's the whole theater, all of them. So I did the only thing I could do. I turned to the dark arts. I opened up the book of the dead. I happened to have one in my pocket, keep it with me. Unlocked it, unclasped the teeth, opened it up for some reason at Creeks, like an old cellar door, blew off the debris or a debris, if you say things wrong, off the pages, sifted through them until I found the spell that I wanted to cast. It's not a wizarding book. I don't know why I said it like that. And then I read the words in the Latin tongue, which would give me the ability to kill everyone in this theater. It would give me superhuman strength. Of course, yes, I would be possessed. I would not be me anymore. I would cease to exist. The demon would take over. But at this point, I felt like there was already a demon inside of me ready to rise up and kill every fucker in here. So I read the passage and then I was taken hold of. And what came out next was not something that you put on screen. Not something that you take the family to with a bucket of popcorn and a soda pop. Nobody should see what I did to these people. First person starts yapping over there. I take my hand, insert it in between his teeth and then push down. His jaw is gone on the floor, but why waste it? It's there, so I pick it up and I shove it into his forehead, pops the brain out the back. The remnants are all over the ground. Another person who's walking in, 45 minutes to the movie for the first time. It's not like you gotta go pee or get a soda. They're just coming in now. He slips on the brain matter, falls backwards, breaks his back like a fucking triangle. This guy's bent over, completely toasted. There's a kid way underage watching this movie, five, six years old. Kids crying like, oh, you think you're crying now? I take my straw, I start shanking this bitch. Not the boy. I let the boy live. He needs to grow up to tell this tale. I'm talking about his mom, who was gabbing the whole movie and constantly checking her Facebook feed to try to be important. You're not important. No one gives a shit about you, lady. They might now though, because Johnny Appleseed up front's been filming this whole thing. So now I'm the crazy person who killed the lady that went shut the fuck up. She's dead. Blood is pulsating out. It's spraying up like a geyser. I'm about ready to get my swim trunks on. Grab a flotation device and just kind of have a day of it. Woo! But there's way too many more people to kill. There's just not enough time. This is where the demon powers really take hold of me as I shoot up to the ceiling. I'm like a spider now, crawling along, scurrying. My head spins around like I'm possessed because spoiler alert, I am. I exorcist over this guy and just start projectile vomiting. Acidic rain falls from the heavens, except for this rain burns, bitch. His face is melting away. He falls down into a pile of bones like a Mortal Kombat fatality. I dropped down and I got a bone to pick with this guy now. I pick up a couple of them and now I'm like a Pokemon. Who's the one that throws bones? Meralwack? You better fucking believe it. Pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft. Hit a guy in the back of the head. He's down for the count. Other one, pfft, pfft. I spin it like a Frisbee. Pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft. Blood is just sprinkling around and then I start twisting his head and I let it go. So it really is a sprinkler. Pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft. Blood everywhere, guts and shit. It is disgusting and I'm loving every minute of it. I'm loving every minute of it. I'm loving. Wrap this up at some point. One super fan thought it would be fun to bring a chainsaw in because, you know, Ash and the evil dad and all that nonsense. So pfft, pfft, pfft. He fires this bad boy up like he's limp biscuit. I'm like a chainsaw. What? I'll skin your ass raw. And woof, I throw a fucking massive punch, hits him in the ear. Pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft. Blows his eyeball somehow. His eyeball goes out the other side of the ear. I catch it. Break it. Grab the chainsaw. Pfft, pfft. This guy is in two. Completely collapses on the ground. I then throw the chainsaw. Pfft, pfft, pfft. Another person tries to get away. Pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft. I go up and grab it. Pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft. Pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft. And then I just peel him away. Again, this is like a Mortal Kombat. Kung Lao does that, I think, with a hat. Yeah, that's what I did. I kung Lao his ass. And now there's really nothing left here. Nothing but silence. Blood's dripping down. Leaky soda cans on the ground because they didn't pay for the soda in the theater to try to support their local chain. They brought one in. How dare you? Popcorn filled with bones and blood. And me, kicking back, relaxing, acting all cool, fresh Prince of Bel-Air for some reason now. But I got to watch this movie in peace and quiet and take in all the artistry that this director and the producer and the different key grips and the actors and the costume designers and the set designers and every fucking person that worked on this movie put their blood, sweat, tears into so that we could escape from the real world for less than two hours, less than two hours you had to not be on your stupid phone. Chatting with your buddy about something that's unrelated to the movie. Two hours to just sit and let it take you away. Let it scare you. Let it wow you. How did they do this? How did they film this? I was asking myself because I was ghosted. And then I had to ghost these assholes. Thanks for watching.