 Thank you, thank you. Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking, and Don, that was a very clever introduction. Split a rail, split an atom, split a check. Ha, ha, ha, ha. But you know Don, you made history yourself. What do you mean, Jack? You're the only man who ever split a girdle. Ha, ha, ha. You live with me, will you? Ha, ha, ha. Well, now hold on, Jack, I don't even wear a girdle. Well, you should, Don. When you had that suit made, three tailors worked on it at the same time, and they never even saw each other. Ha, ha, ha. And live with me, will you, brother? They're here pretty sharp today, Jack. Well, you gotta be sharp when you're playing here for the boys at Birmingham Hospital. What a picturesque place, the beautiful San Fernando Valley, surrounded by high mountains with peaks that meet the sky, the floor of the valley with its boulevards that meet van eyes, the gates of Birmingham with its bus that meets nobody, and a soldier in Hollywood had a seven-year itch. They sent him to Birmingham by bus, and it took so long that the itch got off in Sherman Oaks. Because they know me here, Jack, you see I'm a member of the VACS, the Volunteer Army Canteen Service. Oh, the VACS? Yes, a lot of my friends belong to it. We come out to the hospital two or three times a week and go through the wards with cigarettes, candy, apples, oranges, bananas, and the boys really go for them. Gee, why didn't I think of that? Jack, we don't charge them. Went through the wards playing my violin. Well, nice of you to play your violin for the boys. Thanks. Mary, did you say you gave the boys apples, oranges and bananas? Uh-huh. Where do those tomatoes come from? How could they make a big bowling ball? They took one of the doctor's pills and put three holes in it. How many pins? What are they knocking down? The doctor. Jack, but I overslept. You see, me and my boys had a chance to play at Ritzy Place last night. Well, we just couldn't afford to pass it up. Oh, that's different, Phil. Where'd you play? At the brass rail. $15 bucks and all we could drink. $15,000 and... You're bugging. You'll never guess what happened. What? He rolled me around the floor once and my dress turned to butter. Points and took me home. I just received it this morning. We'll send check for the fan you bought last summer. Sweet with a washing machine letter. I'll hit him right on the head with it. Courses of lovin' bloom. The gangster beat me up. Punch he gave you. Military punch. Yeah, he hit you on the chin and your brain took a three-day peck. Bet you gotta be tricky. What? The guy his shoelace is untied and then when he looks down, boom, I clip him. He said, well, you're down there. Where was your courage? It must have been somewhere... Sergeant in the Army? Yeah, Sergeant is a rank between a... Oh, well, what about majors and kernels? They're mixed up in... It's the same as fighting. Now, how long did it take you to become a champion? About 10 seconds. You lost one fight and that was the first time you fought Max Smelly. How did he ever get you in a position to knock you out? He told me my shoelace was untied. I wore shoes with zippered on them. Easy on the floor. Tell me, Mr. Bennett, who were that lady I saw you with last night? Oh...