 So, before I begin my broadcast tonight, or at least the topic or portion of it, I just have a personal share or confession I'd like to make with you all is that I tend to watch a lot of other YouTubers, particularly in the relationship realm. And lately I've noticed quite a few women YouTubers out there criticizing feminists, the feminist movement and feminism as the problem with relationships today. In fact, they completely seem to throw women under the bus and that the problem with relationships and dating today happens to be entitled women. I'm going to say that again. The problem in relationships today according to these YouTubers is the problem is women and entitlement. And while I will say there is some level of entitlement out there within human beings, I can say that there's a significant percentage of the population that is very self-centric and myopic in the way they view their dating, what's the word, the dating marketplace, if you will. There are a lot of people out there spewing things that are just absolute garbage. And while there's reminances of truth to it, we can't look at it as the substantial truth because there's people out there talking about the sexual marketplace and a woman's own value is really only her sexual value. And her greatest gift is her youth. And without her youth, she's going to have little chance of landing a guy to take care of her financially. And in fact, many of the men who are in on this bandwagon basically proclaim that a woman's value is to be subservient to a man and that they should bow at the knees to a man to support them financially. Well, since I said this was a confession, I'm here to say that is other other fucking bullshit. And what I mean to say is, and by the way, I'm only a proponent for women because I began dating coaching to help women improve their profiles so they can meet men because I kind of operated from the perspective of a man's point of view and helping women who I spoke to in the online community. I didn't realize it was going to morph into me being a champion for women in particular in the dating, mating and relating realm. I'm really not a champion of women. I'm actually a champion of personal development, self-help and spiritual work so someone can genuinely love on oneself so they can actually experience a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship whether a man or a woman. So I wanted to get that off my chest because, and yes, I curse on occasion and yes, I yell on occasion. Okay, I'm passionate. I'm here to say there's a reason why I yell. There's a reason why I curse is to wake people up to the idiocracy out there that's in the advice realm. And not to suggest my advice is the end all be all to everything. I know folks, I can have a righteous attitude at times and I can pontificate at times, but part of it is because I'm like your big brother. I just want to protect you from all the garbage out there. And at the same time, I'm not here to suggest that I'm above it all either. So this topic today about when a man ignores you and again, I focus on helping women understand men. I really noodled on this and I wanted to take a different approach today on the concept of being ignored and that approach is could ignoring someone be a form of abuse? I'm going to repeat that, could ignoring someone be a form of abuse? And why I wanted to lean into that today is because I was watching the HBO series called The Vow and it's about the supposed cult called Nexium and the leader Keith Renear and how he used mind games and manipulation to create practically a harem of women that were absolutely submissive to him. And one of the techniques he used was a manipulation technique of gaslighting and ignoring people so they can feel a sense of anxiety. Because when you get ignored, all of a sudden you start feeling like, what's wrong with me? What did I do wrong? Am I being punished? What can I do differently in this circumstance? Have you ever felt that or you felt ignored by someone in relationship? You felt dismissed, you felt punished, you felt like you replay it in your head. How could I do something differently? And then you begin obsessing over it over and over again. Is that possibly when you're in, you know, here's the thing, when we look at the dating marketplace today, oftentimes it used to be if you wanted to get laid, you had to get married and these days all you simply have to do is say a bunch of nice things to a woman, intimate that you want a relationship, a few dinners and then sex can be had and many cases men go overboard. We call this love bombing. I sometimes have, I haven't loved bomb per se, but I've certainly over exaggerated my interests in a person. I think that's because I was experiencing either lust or limerence. And if you're not familiar with lust or limerence, I highly recommend googling it. Why I'm sharing this with you today is when someone comes on strong or even comes on with interest, such interest that they proclaim a sense of desire to be in a fully committed relationship with you to then all of a sudden ignore a person, you know, without true cause. And what I mean to say is, sure, somebody could have something going on at their professional life and they might temporarily be preoccupied. Okay. I certainly know that most of you know, I lost a child and during that time I was so preoccupied that I actually ignored a lot of things in my life, not relationships per se, but in that space I was so scatter bearing that I didn't pay bills and I ignored a lot of things. So there are certainly situational things can happen. But I wonder, could ignoring a person be, as I said in the beginning, a form of abuse if it's done intentionally? And so I want to, I want to lean into this because what I think could be happening, some of the reasons to ignore someone could be that the man's life is in absolute chaos. I can't tell you how many women come to me seeking relationship advice. And when I hear the backstory of the guy, he's out of work, he's got issues with these kids, he's going through a contentious divorce. His life is in absolute chaos. And when the ground underneath somebody doesn't feel solid, it's, it's, it's quite possible that they could, they want that companionship connection and sex. And yet they're incapable of leaning into a relationship. And when someone's life is in such chaos, like what, for example, when I lost my son, by the way, there's a picture of Connor right there. You know, it could it be situational or it could be a problematic in this person's life, evaluate this person's life. And we're going to talk about that in a little more detail in a moment when a man starts to ignore you or pull away. The other reason why a man might ignore you is he might have someone else on the side. The reality is, is these days with these devices, we can have multiple relationships communicate with multiple people all at once. And for many of you ladies that find yourself in long distance relationships, where you barely see one another, it's quite possible a man or woman could have multiple partners at the same time. This is why I'm such a big proponent of establishing partnership based relationships where in the early stages of dating, once you've committed to wanting to be in a relationship together, once you've made a vow together to explore a relationship that you spend on average three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interest, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in your personal and professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together, getting married. That's, that's my world. Okay. That doesn't have to be your world. Your world might simply be I want a casual relationship. I don't have time for a fully commended relationship. That's okay. I will tell you this. Dating triggers the number one emotional health issue most people are faced with. And that is I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. Dating triggers that. And when we've had habitual situations where we go unfulfilled in relationship, we can find ourselves emotionally, emotionally void of actually being able to get close to another person. This is why when I wrote my book, folks, what the heck is self-love anyway, a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my book in the book recommendations is to help shore up one's own love cup. And folks, you don't need to love yourself to call in a soulmate love. I will say the door opens much wider when you love yourself. The door opens much wider. The problem with a lot of women today is they don't know how to vet a man in the early stage of dating. That's right. Look at this. Here's a link right here. Jonathanasley.com forward slash coaching. If you'd like some support in that, check out the free link. Check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Because listen, I just want to read my notes for a second and I will share in a moment what to do if you're being ignored or a man is pulling away. Because the other reason why he might be ignoring you, it's a control thing. It's a manipulation tactic. Certainly narcissists use this, sociopaths use this, people that have very little actual individual self-esteem and their job is to tear down your self-esteem. I want to read you something that I read. What to do? What to do when this happens? There are many reasons he could be giving you the cold shoulder. He could be punishing you. He could be trying to play the field. He may be trying to get the upper hand in the situation or he could feel insecure about himself and your reciprocation of his attention causes him to ignore you. The chances are unless he's upfront and honest with you, you will never know why someone is ignoring you. Now again, I want to differentiate from those temporary circumstances. That's a lot different when someone is intentionally pulling away ignoring you or even if you're in a significant relationship and all of a sudden they disappear. That in my opinion is a form of abuse. So what do we do in these cases? What is the empowered approach? What is the empowered approach? First, I think it's time, ladies, that we reflect on the relationship and the facts, the facts. And what that means is there's a, listen, human beings operate from an emotional level, but they also can operate from a logical level that creates an opportunity, I've got to read my notes, that creates an opportunity to regulate your emotions. But many of you, believe it or not, many of you ladies are as equally as emotionally constipated as men. Many of you don't know how to regulate your emotions. I was watching a documentary that talked about, I believe it was John Glenn, who is the first person to orbit the earth. And when he was shot up in a rocket, I want you to think about this, your butt is sitting on a hundred thousand pound rocket being shot up into space and his heart rate never went up above 70 beats a minute. I don't know that specific fact. I'm now going from memory. But I want you to think about that. The capacity to regulate your emotions. I know when someone, I've known in the past when someone hasn't returned a phone call to me, my anxiety level shoots my blood pressure through the roof. Especially if I'm dealing with a technical problem or I'm dealing with India on some issue with respects my website or not my blood will boil. So regulating our emotions is something that it's time to learn to do before you ever enter into a relationship. This is why today I want to talk about two books. One is called the language of emotions by Carla Lauren. What you're feeling and what your feelings are trying to tell you. By the way, there's a link below to all the books I recommend. Highly recommend reading this book. In addition, emotional intimacy by Robert Masters, folks. And last but not least, I highly recommend reading the book nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg. By the way, this should have been called compassionate communication. Why am I recommending these books? Because folks, if you want to be in a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship, then it's time to form that relationship through healthy emotional intimacy. And that happens through what I teach in my private coaching called radical honesty. Radical honesty. It is time not to take, listen, you can focus on, listen, I don't believe a first date should be a job interview. Do you know where you do the interviewing before you ever go on a date? It's through the telephone. You pre-qualify someone to check off certain boxes to determine if they're actually capable. Now, is this going to, you know, this is just like, this is putting the odds in your favor that someone is emotionally mature. Because the reality is, folks, I know if you're brand new to my channel, you may have not seen this chart of emotional maturity and relationship skills. Now, this is not an fact that's merely an opinion, but I would believe roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues. And while I say 20% are emotionally healthy and has good relationship skills, I'm being generous there, the vast majority of humans are dysfunctional. You have an eight out of four out of five chance to end up with a dysfunctional human being or someone with clinical issues. So look at ladies, let me give you an example of this. If I asked you all to put in the chat box right now, what do men think about always on a first date? What do men think about always on a first date? Put that in the chat box right now. We all know the answer. So here's the thing, if we know this about men, let's just also just step in and say human beings are rather dysfunctional. So rather than jumping in emotionally in the relationship, operate from logic. And as I said earlier, operate with the facts. What are the facts? His life is a mess. He barely communicates with you. He strings you along. In the early stages, his actions didn't match his words. Those are the facts. But Jonathan, I love him so much. I know I can make it work. Ladies, many of you are clinging to the fantasy, the fantasy that a broken person, if you waited out long enough, will somehow magically grow up emotionally speaking. And yet the facts tell you otherwise. You know, it's interesting. I speak to women after a breakup. And do you know almost every single woman who's spoken to me after they've had a breakup with a man, they all say the same thing. I knew something was wrong right from the beginning. And I went against my better judgment. That's your logical side. Your logical side is actually evaluating your well-being and yet your emotional side and both this is true for men and women alike. We allow that because we have this amazing chemistry. And it's such off the charts chemistry. I've never experienced this with anyone else before. Folks, do you know healthy love actually is calm love? It's not off the charts chemistry. Certainly with my beloved and I, I have an amazing, we have a great chemistry with one another. But it's not the first time I've experienced great chemistry. Because I don't set it apart as being something so specs spectacular and so scarce. I operate from the premise that it's abundant in the capacity of our lives. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. If it is hit that like button, please share this video, please subscribe to the channel if you're brand new. So individual empowerment is the antidote to the potential suffering you might have in the future. In fact, I think of it as a vaccination to emotional chaos is doing personal development, self-help and spiritual work. Look, I'm your big brother. I wish I could be there on a first date for you. I'd have the shotgun out pointed at the guy's face and say, what's your intentions with my little sister? See, you have to operate as your own matchmaker. You have to operate as your own protector because ladies, very few people are going to stand up for you. And I'm here to suggest you standing up for yourself. However, if you're working with me, I'm your big brother. I'm your protector. I will help you out. Okay. All right. So if he's ignoring you, my advice for you is dismiss that guy like a cold potato. Again, provided it's not situational in his life, okay? Because that to me is a form of abuse. And I don't want any of you to be abused. All right, this would be a great place to wrap up our video. First off, I'm going to give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a pet teddy bear pillow and give enter them a hug of love. There's a teddy bear love because we can all use a lot more love today. I want to thank Pam and Stormy and Lisa and Claire.