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The Three Minute Hamlet - Séamus Kennedy

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Published on Jan 25, 2011

The Three Minute Hamlet, by Séamus Kennedy, buy the track by following this link http://www.last.fm/music/Seamus+Kenne...

Three Minute Hamlet Lyrics

There was a king nodding in his garden all alone
When his brother in his ear poured a little bit of henbane
Stole his brother's crown and his money and his widow
But the dead king walked and got his son and said, " Now listen, kiddo
I've been killed and it's your duty to take revenge on Claudius,
Kill him quick and clean and tell the nation what a fraud he is."
The kid said, "Right, I'll do it, but I'll have to play it crafty
So no one will suspect me I'll let on that I'm a daffty."
So for all except Horatio, and he counts him as a friend,
Hamlet, that's the kid who's letting on he's round the bend
Because he's not yet willing for obligatory killing
He tries to make his uncle think he's tuppence off the shilling
Takes a rise out of Polonius, treats poor Ophelia vile
Tells Rosencrantz and Guildenstern that Denmark's bloody vile
And a troop of traveling actors (line 784)
Arrived to do a special one night gig at Elsinore.


Hamlet, Hamlet, acting balmy,
Hamlet, Hamlet, loves his mommy,
Hamlet, Hamlet, hesitating.

He wonder's if the ghost's a fake and that is why he's waiting.




So Hamlet writes a scene for the players to enact,
So Horatio and he could watch and see if Claudius cracked
The play was called "The Mousetrap" (not the one that's running now)
And sure enough the king walked out before the scene was through.
Now Hamlet's got to prove his uncle gave his dad the dose
The only trouble being now that Claudius knows he knows
So while Hamlet tells his mommy her new husband's not a fit man
Uncle Claude takes out a contract with the English king as hit man.
And when Hamlet killed Polonius and had corpus delecti
'Twas the king's excuse to send him for an English hempen necktie
With Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to make quite sure he got there
But Hamlet jumped the boat and put the finger straight on that pair.
When Laertes heard his dad's killed in the bedroom of the arras
He comes running back to Elsinore tout de suite hot foot from Paris
And Ophelia with her dad killed by the man she was to marry
After saying it with flowers she committed hari kari .




Hamlet, Hamlet, no messin'
Hamlet, Hamlet learned his lesson
Hamlet, Hamlet, Yorick's trust

Convinced them all men good or bad at last must come to dust.




Then Laertes lost his cool and was demanding retribution
The king said, "Keep your head and I'll supply you with solutions,"
So he arranged a swordfight for the interested parties
With a blunted sword for Hamlet and a sharp one for Laertes,
And to make double sure the old belt and brace was lined
He arranged a poisoned sword tip and a poisoned cup of wine.
The poisoned sword got Hamlet, but Laertes went and fluffed it
'Cause he got stabbed himself and he confessed before he snuffed it.
Then Hamlet's mommy drank the wine and as her face turned blue
Hamlet said, "I think this king is a baddy through and through"
Well, "incestuous murd'rous damned Dane," he said, to be precise
And made up for hesitating once by killing Claudius twice,
'Cause he stabbed him with his sword and forced the wine between his lips
Then he said, "The rest is silence," and he cashed in all his chips
And they fired a volley over him that shook the topmost rafter
And Fortinbras, knee deep in Danes, lived happy ever after.




Hamlet, Hamlet, end of story
Hamlet, Hamlet, very gory
Hamlet, Hamlet, I'm on my way

And if you think that was confusing you should read the bloody play.

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