 I know when I went to the desert that anyone who plays around with cactus is liable to get stuck But I didn't remember that another way of saying death is going west This is another and the adventures of America's fabulous freelance insurance investigator Johnny dollar At insurance investigation Johnny dollar is only an expert at making out his expense account He's an absolute genius Expense account submitted by special investigator Johnny dollar to old Caledonia insurance company Hartford, Connecticut attention Oscar M. Wheaton chief investment counsel The following is an accounting of my expenditures during my investigation of suspected skull-duggery in a skull Canyon mine or Mr. Bones who was that lady I seen you with last night? Messing with a mule train is one good way to kick off Expense account I don't want 25 cents tip to bus boy who brought telephone to my table at the blue danube restaurant Robertson Boulevard, Los Angeles Where I happened to be working on a case Your call came right after the liver dumpling soup taking me out of the soup plate and putting me in the soup This is the story dollar you make notes and don't interrupt two years ago this company made on the skull Canyon mine Just outside Twin Views, Arizona. I said don't interrupt That's just over the border of Nogales, Mexico Up until three months ago. Everything was fine The profits shown by the mine were good and then suddenly our returns dropped 50% Made the same into getting there's been no fall off and the removal of high SA or now There's something wrong. We want you to go down there and find out what it is Spence account item to $12 and 80 cents. I decided that since you invited yourself to the table dinner at the blue danube was on you Oh, in case you're interested in what you didn't have it was that liver dumpling soup Beal paprikash carry strudel and a small coffee Enjoyed with that case. I was working on an eccentric millionaire. So wanted to marry me for her money She had yes. Yes in her eyes, but when I told her I have to say goodnight immediately. She said Spence account item three $120 burns Lee flying service Charter plane to Twin Views where I checked into the Waterfield Hotel called the mine and told the girl who answered that I want a Transportation out there. She said she'd come after me Having seen too many western movies. I figured she'd arrive in a buckboard, but instead she picked me up in a Jeep Slow down will you before my teeth start pulling out? Oh, sorry. I Forgot you were tender foot. That's not where I'm tender By the way, Miss Moreland, how far is it out to the mine? Oh, no, is the road like this all the way. Oh, no About another half mile out of town. There isn't any road at all. Oh I ever lived through this from now on I'm taking my bumps in the burlesque theater much better than walking Say you said you're out here representing the owners. What's your job? Well, I'm an efficiency expert. Oh Speaking of efficiency, what's your first name Jackie? Oh, that case mine should be Gwendolyn, but it's not it's Johnny Well, let's not bother shaking hands on the towel. Here comes the end of the road Oh Scenery was jumping around like a whole movie My teeth were trying to find out how much abuse my uppers would take for my lowers I felt like I was gradually being hammered down from a tall thin man into a short round one And there I was caught without my rhinestone stuttered motorcycle belt Want me to help you out? Oh very funny Get lost you little monster But I look like a bag of bones, but I'm too young to die Go on I'll beat it all be a good dog now lie down nugget down. Yeah nugget drop dead This is the mine office. This is it Welcome to Skull Canyon. I'm Doyle the manager out here I'd be happier to meet you if I met you in town Mr.. Dollars in a foul mood Jeff that ride was a little too much for him that ride would have been a little bit Too much for Buffalo Bill Well, that's how Jackie keeps that figure as crammed. She does now come on inside dollar That's where the books are and that's where the chairs are with cushions. I hope I'll see you guys. All right Sit down. Thanks. Oh You'll find all the figures right in that big fat book. Yeah all but Jackie's well I'm not in any hurry to do my arithmetic Tell me what do you think of the results around here? You know more about than I do. How are things going? Well? Dollar I'll tell you it was going better than it is right now Just a few months back we worked out a pay vein I'm hoping we'll pick it up again any day now. That sounds reasonable Any trouble help equipment working condition? Well working conditions could be a lot better But that's that's a geographical problem. You see the mine is located here in the big water supplies eight miles west We haul the ore across the desert by mule train to the smeller is cheaper than trucks We'd have to build a road for them not here. Hey is cheaper than gasoline You'd like to take a look at the mine frankly mr. Doyle. I just assumed climb up a chimney I hate dark confined spaces, but since it's part of my job. I might as well get it over with The entrance into the mine was through an adit a horizontal shaft into the side of a hill We rode in on the tail end of a small red dynamite car drawn by a donkey junior grade a burrow It was cooler in there, but I started to sweat the minute we left sunlight and fresh air behind us I Could hear the jackhammers nibbling little gold earbuds out of the quartz rock for the Christmas tree Then I heard them stop and Doyle told me why it sounds like they're about ready to blast all great Open your mouth and cover your eyes 150 yards deeper into the earth. I was beginning to think that mankind is mighty hard to satisfy The Lord gave us the world's whole service Then we had to go and invent gold mines and airplanes and right then I'd have settled for an airplane What's the matter dollar you look a little green feel a little green well look look take some deep breaths and hold them as long as you can Okay, yeah, that'll work you up Well, this is it right here is the only face we're working. Oh doesn't help So this is it, huh? Well, let's do the rest of it. All right. I told you this is it This is the only face. We're working Okay, you guys keep it moving Well, don't or fill them up Then you're back Well, let's get out of here dollar. Okay, Doyle. I've seen when I came to see and I also figured I had heard what I came to hear Dinner that night I had with Doyle and Jackie and the steak they serve gave me a rough idea what they did with their old boroughs Doyle's attitude gave me a rough idea that maybe he'd seen my eyes light up when I heard those jackhammers Snorting away and some of the part of the mine just after he had told me that where we were standing was the only place being worked After dinner Doyle went back to the mine leaving me alone with Jackie, which was better than dessert By the way Jackie just what's your job out here? Oh, I'm just sort of a secretary and bookkeeper and Chief driver How'd you happen to land here in Skull Canyon? Well, I took the job because I was going to marry the man who was the manager then Doyle's old boss. I Met him in college. He was a mining engineer His name was Larry Hodges. Well, what happened? I was left at the altar when I got out here He was gone. I guess he got stage fright and changed his mind. Anyway, nobody's heard from him since least of all me Come on, I'll show you It was a real romantic night Old nugget the dog was carrying on a long-distance conversation with his country cousins the coyotes up in the hills The air was soft and warm and so was Jackie's arm Stars hung low and so did my spirits when she bid me goodnight after she introduced me to my roommate Hi, yes, honey. An old mule skinner named kangaroo. I made yourself comfortable. Oh that chance Well, better than a sand bed and a saddle killer They are for a pine shack this is a mighty fancy floor. What is it my hoggining? Nope tobacco juice Helps keep out the sidewangers. What do you mean helps little snake critters crawl in out of the hot sun to get cool Where are you from sonny? Hartford Connecticut. Well, I'll be turned to I don't reckon it shows through But I'm a easterner myself come out from New York State 53 years ago Little town of Prattville County seated words. That's pretty dull. What'd you say? Oh, nothing Say, uh, are you the one that handles the mules on the run out to the smelter? I'm one of them. Well, how's chances of hitching a ride with you in the morning? You'll have to get up early. All right, then I'll get up early Well, and stop wasting your breath on a lot of dang fool words you summoned on the kerosene lamp quick right Thinking about that jackhammer I'd heard working the supposedly inactive end of the skull canyon mine earlier that day This doesn't take too much pounding into my skull before I decided that Doyle was working on a vein for his own personal profit I also knew that for him to convert the ore into gold he had to get it to a smelter So I figured that the mule skinner kangaroo was the best place to start asking questions That's funny how a sleepless night can sour the beauty of a desert sunrise Sorry, it isn't all the way around. I wish we'd get there. The sun's getting awful hot Why can't nothing, sonny? Some days that old sun's got your tongue hanging out at your fur. Get to read What's that stomach pump doing way out here stomach pump? What in tarnation are you talking about? Oh, that's a clever name for a light airplane Hey, looks like he's getting ready to give us a buzz. Hey, hey mules Learned was if you ever want to panic a team of mules just buzz them with an airplane The second thing I learned was that little canyon we were approaching was loaded with armed horsemen Who came galloping out like they were trying to make history at tan faran The gunman didn't do anything to me except hold me at bay While the plane picked itself a landing and disgorged his one-man air force. What are these mules with their guns? This new boy who ride with you today. His name's golly. All right now. I wish it was top along trancety Well, let me introduce myself That calls me el puerco I'm so greedy too I want what you got with you white gold in your miserable sun beach. I take it easy old timer It's okay. All I've got on me is a wristwatch and a few bucks let them have them and besides What's he gonna do with a wagon load of unrefined gold or? You talk like a little boy I know what you have with you and I know where it is It's under the seat for little wide bags 30 000 of pure gold In just a moment. We will return to the second act of johnny dollar, but first Hardly a clue to start on and the witnesses stories at hopeless variants That was the job that the birmingham alabama police faced in the murder called the case of the hue and cry Later tonight on gangbusters Birmingham's own police chief comes to cbs to tell you how they tracked down the apparently unmotivated murder Be sure to hear this true to life police story Reenacted on gangbusters Gangbusters and the adventures of phillip marlowe are regular saturday night features on most of these same cbs station Now with our star charles russell we return to the second act of yours truly johnny dollar So there I was johnny dollar efficiency expert I had efficiently gotten myself in trouble It was efficiently letting el puerco walk off with a large part of your gold and stood a good chance of efficiently getting myself shot in the belly I feel better now the gold is in my little aeroplane I hope you're not mad with me, you know, I need the money to pay my taxes Okay. Okay. You got what you want. I want you to take off and get out of here that ding ding rascal He's probably figured on shooting us. Oh, no, man I'm a very scientific bandido You think I want to shoot you and get killed myself for murder. Oh, no I let your mules do the dirty work Wei maruel pedro panito Here This man and I them I them to the stake back to back And the rest of you tie up the mules in a circle around them in nice and close Then I will get a marlowe aeroplane and dive on the mules and the mules will kick their heads off Pitching of horseshoes may be fun, but not when they're being pitched at your head by a mule Once we were tied back to back on the stake the nearest available technical advisor kangaroo was anything but encouraging That's it shovel with a gold dirt mule when they get riled up. They think with their feet Here he comes I ain't scum mules 40 years for nothing. I can handle. Oh nice going kangaroo. Now listen, sonny. I got me an idea Yeah, what is it? Well go something like this Hey Just as the idea whatever it was hit kangaroo a hook from one of the mules scored a ringer around my cranium Ah the stars look beautiful They came out in the shape of a horseshoe And as I slipped into that familiar betty by for private eyes the world have hit on the head darkness I could hear kangaroo's advice too little and too late Uh there you see you can never trust a mule never trust a mule Never trust a mule A long time later the curtains of my eyelids went up on the next act But something was wrong the stage was still dark The stars were still there, but not in a horseshoe pattern I closed my eyes and dreamed some more I was lying near an oasis in the Sahara desert and a beautiful maiden was bending over me kissing me She was breathing hard But she could have used some sense in Huh Nugget get away from me you meanzy courage Nugget get away from him Hey, Johnny you're right. Huh, what? Jackie, oh, what are you doing out here? Well take it easy pal The darn good thing I am out here You getting yourself kicked in the head That's just say the wrong end of a horse got mixed up with the wrong end of a mule Where's kangaroo? Where are the mules? What's going on? Johnny, relax, relax Kangaroo and the mules are on the way back to the mine. Oh, where's uh pancho tortilla? Who? There was a mexican bandit out here the greatest piece of typecasting since the Gutenberg bible Oh, well puerco. Yeah. Yeah kangaroo told me about him. Come on now try to get up. Come on What happened to you your clothes are all torn Yeah This is mr. Doyle's idea of a proposal of marriage. We were supposed to fly off together to south america tonight I'm planning it for a long time. Well, what made you change your mind? Oh, you know how it is Best laid plans of mice and men. Oh, yeah, you're talking to an expert Everything went all right for me. Where would I be next week? Same time same station But what's your angle? I told you before I came out to skull canyon to marry a man I've reason to believe that Doyle did away with them to get his job so he could milk the mine Well, I stayed on and acted just interested enough and Doyle to get him nice and relaxed Hoping you'd spill something. Well So far all it's been is bragging up life in south america with him Now I I hope you can help me and I know I can help you How? Well, Doyle set up a refining layout right in the mine When the gold he's been stealing comes out. It's pure gold Uh-huh, then somebody in the mine must have tipped off el puerco. Mm-hmm. Doyle did he and el puerco are working together El puerco's job was to get the gold across the border and you out of the way I see Well, listen, you ever been in the mine. I mean, could you show me the way the refining layout? Oh, no, no, Doyle's never let me inside. Well, how about the charts of the mine? They're in the safe I've got the combination if we can just get in without Doyle seeing me. I can get him I'll leave that to me. Come on. Let's get going Wait a minute. How do we get back? Well, I came out in the jeep Oh my aching head This is close enough star eyes. We better pull up right here. All right. Knock it quiet Say The wedding may be off, but it sounds like the reception is still on. No, that's the regular saturday night square dance Oh Well, look from here, which way is the office? I'm lost. It's right over here. Oh, come on. I'll show you You were in a guest today When we rounded the corner of the office building my heart was doing a dozy dough Dora the safe was open and so was the mouth of the fellow in front of us But he wasn't saying anything. He was lying on the floor dead El puerco the pig Oh, what a spot for a big red apple Johnny, he's dead. He must come back for something. Kangaroo must caught up with him Oh, whoever caught up with him caught up with him, but good Come on. Let's go take a look for kangaroo Careful darling. Door may be in there. Boy tight spots really give that word darling a good workout, don't they? Okay, darling wait out here. I'll be careful Uh say partner. You seen kangaroo around here kangaroo. Yeah. Well, sure kangaroo came in here looking for doile Well, do you find them? Well, uh, I don't know. Doyle went over to the mine. Is that where kangaroo went? Well, if I was looking for Doyle, that's where I'd go. Thank you bottleneck I don't know why I was in such a hurry heading straight into trouble But the trouble started popping before we got to it Jackie was only guessing but I could only hope she wasn't guessing right Johnny, Johnny, I thought I saw something flashing just inside probably somebody's last spark of life Now take it easy. You stay right here. I'll move in from the side of the entrance. No, I don't All right. He sure got you good partner Okay, Jackie, you can relax The right man got it your play man. Mr. Doyle Hey kangaroo, you can come on. How are things all right? It's us jacking a dollar Anyway, uh We'll make a move world You should uh, hey what what? All right, you mean the guy you thought was dead the guy you were supposed to marry I'm glad your first interest was feeding your mules so that you didn't get mixed up in all that shooting. Yep Oh Well, I'll tell you When three bad eggs like Hodges and Doyle and hell puerco get together double crossing each other They all got a wind up in the omelet again or feels good to get your boots off That Larry fella thought he was pretty smart Holding up in that mine with his own private smelter a user and Doyle for a front The only thing was he didn't figure on Doyle falling in love with his woman. Yeah, who wouldn't hey Very young fella you sure talk a lot How about using some of that breath you're wasting on that kerosene lamp, huh? quick right Expense account item four six dollars and ten cents One quart snake bite medicine 32 ounces of prevention in case a snake should bite me Item five three dollars and forty cents with which I purchased the nicest gift I could think of for a gal in Jackie Moreland's position A telegram to you Requesting that you give her a job. She very much deserved the manager ship of the skull canyon mine You see when she first found out that man. She was going to marry didn't love her She took out her affection on the territory Which makes me very sorry that I wasn't born the state of arizona Uh expense account item six one hundred and sixty four dollars and thirty five cents Uh transportation twin boots to Hartford Expense account total nine hundred and forty seven dollars and ninety nine cents Which makes just about as much sense as you can make without making it a dollar Signed yours No charge for that double talk Truly Johnny dollar Yours truly Johnny dollar is produced and directed by Gordon T Hughes and stars charles russell Script by paul dudley and gill dowd featured in the cast were dora singleton john daner Willard waterman fred howard and don diamond the special music is written and conducted by leith stevens Your announcer is paul masterson Be sure to be with us at this same time next week when another unusual expense account is handed in by Yours truly Johnny dollar Music popular and music western are on the bill for cbs listeners again tonight Vaughn Monroe and his band will present the five top tunes of the week Plus army and navy marching songs anchors away on brave old army team and many others Gene autry follows right on the heels of Vaughn's caravan with favorites straight from the land of sage brush and six guns For an hour of wonderful music Here Vaughn Monroe's caravan and the gene autry show tonight and every saturday on most of these same cbs stations Stay tuned now for Vaughn Monroe's caravan, which follows immediately on most of these stations This is cbs where yours truly Johnny dollar meets adventure every saturday night the columbia broadcasting system