 literally nothing about this book makes sense. But do you see why this is so, so, so, so stupid? Like, it is really annoying to me. But like, why though? At no point does this book make any kind of sense. I had not planned to do a review for this book. And even after I finished it, I wasn't necessarily thinking, ah, I got a film review for this book. The one star I gave it was like a really kind of like casual, relaxed one star. I was like, well, that was terrible. One star. The more I thought about it, like as I, you know, digested and ruminated as I marinated with my thoughts. The more I was like, man, that book was like really, really, really, really, really stupid. So I decided to do a film review for it, because why not? Yeah, this is BookTube channel. Book reviews are a thing, should be a thing. Are, used to be more of a thing. Anyway, so this book is terrible. This is going to be a spoilery review because one, to explain what's bad about it, necessitates telling you spoilers. But two, as in most cases, when it comes to a one star review or to a negative review, I don't think you should read it. So it's usually if it's a really positive review, I might want to like gush about like spoilery things at the end or something. But I'm like, I don't want to spoil anything because you know, you have to read it. But I don't think you should read this. So you shouldn't care about spoilers. So off we go. Oh, well, before I do spoilers, before I full on dive into spoilers, the cartographer is like what in like very, very broad strokes, what's wrong with it. So you can decide if that's a thing that would bother you. And if you want to stick around spoilers or not. Basically, literally nothing about this book makes sense. Like in every kind of level too, like character behavior doesn't make sense. The mechanics of the sort of like magical realism, speculative piece of it, doesn't make sense. The plot doesn't make sense. So if that's going to bother you, then you shouldn't read this book. But you should watch this review. So the cartographers, as is evident from the copy I'm holding up, I got from Book of the Month. And even if I hadn't, sometimes my Book of the Month playbooks are something that like I literally like would not have picked up at all. But I was like, I'll get it. Cause I have to pick one. I mean, you can't skip, but I'm always like, well, why don't I just like pick one? It's cause it's pushing me out of my comfort zone, which is why I, even though I end up painting a lot of my Book of the Month playbooks, I continue to be subscribed because it does push me to read things that I normally wouldn't pick up. And I do like the fact of that. Anyway, a side of a Book of the Month club over. This book, I might have considered actually picking up outside of Book of the Month. I hadn't heard of it outside of that. But if it had come up on my radar independently of that subscription service, I would have considered it. Cause it's loosely, you know, it's a magical realism speculative story that involves cartographers because the title should make evident. And the blurb for the book, the book jacket sort of, you know, says that there's been a mysterious murder at the New York public library. Maps are involved, magic is involved, mystery ensues. So like broad strokes, I was like, that sounds cool. And I sort of like, not academic setting, but you know, like libraries, maps, nerds, things like that. And yeah, it sounded like it would be intriguing and immersive and cool. And I still think like those elements could make for a good story. But this isn't it. I'm gonna put this down cause I feel like I'm waving it around a lot. So the cartographers, I'm just gonna kind of go chronologically. So first things first, the title. I know if I tried, I couldn't possibly start with something earlier than that. The cartographers, I think is while a catchy name and I get why it's called that, I don't think the author knows what cartographers are. Or at least in this book, she misuses the word cartographer a lot. So the main character, so this is gonna be kind of spoiler-real already, but like this is the outset of the book, right? The main character, she works for some company that makes kind of like knock off souvenir novelty maps. Like she, they copy real maps and they sort of like, you know, stain the paper to make it look aged so you can have like a knick-knack for your home to like make it look aesthetic. And I mean, I feel a little attacked by how like they derived to this because I'm like, I have lots of stuff like that, so. Hey, not a lot's gonna afford an authentic original vintage map slash most of my maps are fantasy maps so like there wouldn't be such a thing anyway. I digress. So that's what she does, but it's hinted at and then very quickly revealed that she does have like proper credentials in like actual, and this is where I'm using the book word but this is not correct, cartography. And that she used to work in cartography and again, not the actual meaning of the word cartography and that her dad is like one of like the heads of the field of cartography as they mean it in this book. And she used to work for him or his company and then it's because of him that she lost her job and because he's such a big deal in like in that area then if, you know, because he fired her or because he got rid of her was pissed at her or whatever then no one in the field would hire her now because it's like, you know, you know, it's like if you were working for Einstein and he was like he fired you from his lab and was like, you're the actual worst like what scientist is gonna hire you if like Einstein thinks you're the worst it's like the vibe I guess. Not that her dad's a genius but you know, like he's like a big deal so if he's like kicked you out everyone's like who not touching that even though she's his daughter. But I keep saying cartography and cartographer the thing is, the thing is cartographers, they make maps, you know, like surveying the land and like drawing a map to reflect the land. They don't, they're not in charge of like archive collections, that's an archivist. I am not deriding the archival discipline but that is a distinct and different discipline. Like you study that, like there are degrees for like being a librarian and being an archivist and that is, that's what they are. That's what her father is. Like they have, you know, these extensive old map collections that they like study and are in charge of and are looking at and are experts in studying these existing maps. Studying existing maps, like that's historical research. Again, that's like archival research that's being a librarian. That's not being a cartographer. A cartographer makes maps and if you are an archivist that specializes in maps like that could be your specialty and maybe it's because you used to be a cartographer that you have like expertise in maps themselves and then you did a degree in like archival sciences or whatever it's called. I don't know what it's called but I know there's degrees in it. If you like mixed together, you know, your two areas of expertise and interest like what you once did and now then a degree in like how to preserve and analyze what others have done. Like that's like, okay, so for example, my mom is an archivist. What she is not is like a physicist. She deals like with archival materials from physicists. So she oversees and organizes and I don't really know what she does but like she deals with materials that were created by or left by physicists but she is an archivist. She is not a physicist. Do you see what I mean? So to call him a cartographer or to call his daughter a cartographer or to call any of these people that are like dealing with this archival collection of maps, cartographers is incorrect and is really annoying to me. But again, that's not really the point of the book. So, okay, we accept that we're calling these people cartographers even though that is not what they are because later on they do kind of do kind of do cartography. Not closer to cartography than archivist words that they're doing in the beginning. Anyway, okay, so the book like the inciting incident of this book is like I said, there's a murder in the New York library and the murder is of her father and she has been, you know, estranged from him ever since he kicked her out of cartography. So she hasn't heard from him in years and hasn't talked to him in years. But so she gets notified that he's been found murdered and I guess the police don't know that they're estranged. So they're like, oh, you're next of kin and you'd know him best and what happened. And she's like, I don't know him best because we haven't talked in years and years. They're like, oh, that's suspicious. So anyway, he is found in his cartography office. And she finds in his like special secret safe folder where you only put the specialist of special things, this like old junk map. And then we get like explanation of like why she was fired in the first place and it was over that map. Because as an intern, she was like going through these boxes that were like donations for the collection and she was going through these boxes and she found this box that was labeled junk and she went through everything that was in that box and she was like, this I think is actually legit stuff. And then like mixed in with the map these legit looking maps is also this like road map that does look kind of like, you know just something you'd get like at a truck stop or something. And she's like, well, if it's with this collection of like seemingly really authentic, really good, you know, historic maps, this might also be like legit too. So anyway, she brings all of this like she tells everybody office that she thinks she's like made a discovery of like really great old maps. And you know, she's really gonna start making her name in cartography, even though that's not what cartography and she like takes this to her dad and her dad loses his shit and says that this is clearly junk. This is clearly like trash. How could she possibly think that it's worthwhile? And she's like, you didn't even look at it. Like I like now she's like embarrassed and she's like arguing with him. And then that's when he like fires her and ruins her reputation. Now she can never work in cartography again. It's not cartography. And so I'm just gonna skip ahead of here a little bit because I don't wanna come back to this event to point out how stupid it is. I just wanna tell you now how stupid this is. So vaguely, of course, this like junk looking map that like he fired her over and that like now she finds in the super special secret folder is, you know, an important map. It's not trash. I mean, so we'll get into why but like the whole reason that he flipped out and the whole reason that he then like severed ties with her and fired her and like made a big deal about it being trash was because it is such an important map and because he was afraid of her being in danger if she was like, if it became known that this map was here and that she had it and like, he was trying to protect her basically is the vibe. The way to protect her is to fire her and get her completely out of your life where you can't keep an eye on her at all and not tell her that she's in danger even though she's a grown-ass woman is to just let her go off thinking that you despise her and never talk to her again. Like make that make sense, please because I can tell you we learn why this map is important. It does not make sense why that would be what you would choose to do even if your motivation is to, you know pretend like you don't have like you don't want people catching wind of this map being here and you want to protect her. He, it's like more suspect it brings more attention to this map if everyone hears about this like incident where he fired her over a seemingly junk map everyone would be like why would he fire her over a junk map? Like this brings so much more attention to this. So if your goal is to like deflect and hide and protect this is the opposite like his reaction should have been like hmm yeah you know just leave it here let me take a look and then you know break the news to her and be like oh I know you're really excited about it I'm sorry but you know that actually turned out to be junk. But you know like good try try next time you know like I believe in you and like it'd all blow over and none's the wiser but no you make a huge deal about it and get a strange from your daughter who you love so much that you're like trying to like it doesn't make sense like the only reason this happens is that the plot can happen like that's the reason that only that's the only reason anybody does anything in this book is that the plot can happen. So he gets murdered and she hasn't talked to him in forever so it's like a big mystery right? So she's like you know this is the junk map that I lost my job over like why would I be here and then like her boyfriend at the time also lost his job when she lost her job which like also makes even less sense why he would lose his job over the fact that she found a junk map and thought it was legit like it doesn't make sense that she's losing her job and then it extra doesn't make sense why he would lose his job so like they broke up after that cause like that's awkward so they haven't talked in a while so it's like she contacts him and is like hey you know I just you know I don't wanna bother you but like I just need a second opinion on something I swear like that's it and then we'll never have to talk again he's like okay and so she shows him the junk map and he's like what the heck are you kidding me like this is the thing that got me to lose my job and then we broke up over and she's like tells him the situation about how she found it in that super secret special folder so like it must mean something so anyway a lot many you know conversations and info dumps later I'm just gonna like skip ahead because like the discovery of information is mainly delivered through happenstance and info dumps which is like not interesting in terms of like of a book to read because the whole interest of something like this okay so it's stupid that the plot happens this way but you did these things so that the plot could happen what makes them like this interesting is that we're like following up on clues and putting the pieces together but we're not really doing a lot of that in this book mainly we just like find the plot convenience non-playable character who like tells you the situation and then we move on to the next non-playable character who gives you more pieces of the situation so there's you know lots and lots of like I don't know people are trying to like get this map now she's got it she didn't turn it over to the police and she didn't turn it over to anybody and there's like some you know B plot about maybe she'll finally get a job in cartography again not cartography because like her ex-boyfriend they like might get her a hookup and like if she can you know it's been long enough blah blah blah blah and it doesn't matter it really doesn't matter but that's a B plot skipping ahead there what is the thing about this map and this is the part of this story or this book that is like a true thing which is what inspired the entire concept for the book is that maps back in the day used to have like phantom paper towns or they were called paper towns but like they were like non-existent things in a map they were kind of a way to like copyright your map because if somebody else an actual cartographer like was creating another map and selling it of the same area the way that you could prove that they had just copied your map and not done their own map making is if they also had this non-existent town in it because they wouldn't have put this non-existent town in if they had surveyed the land themselves so like there are old maps that have fake places that don't exist for that reason so the thing with this map is that it isn't it's another old map that has one of those like non-existent towns but if you have the map if you physically have the map and you go to that area and you follow the map and you get to that area it's there it's not there if you don't have the map with you but it is there if you do have the map with you which like very broadly like that's kind of cool like the idea that you know what if these paper towns these phantom towns existed or in there was a way to get to that like that sounds like a great concept for a book I could see where that could be really interesting but it completely falls apart with everything to do with that because okay so at first it seems like this is like a really unexpected discovery right so like the this discovery about this map was made by this kind of like secret history style grouping of like tight-knit friends who all studied cartography and among them is the main character's parents and some other people you know of their age and so they all were like working on some kind of a map project together and while they were working on this map project together they discovered this roadmap that did take them to this like phantom paper town and like that became their new like obsession they started doing secret things there and they started using it as like a a secret meeting place etc etc but so if it just stopped with like this has never been seen before they've never experienced this before and they have like studied other phantom paper towns and this has never happened before with any of those but for some reason this one does exist that might kind of work and that would make sense why this is so so so so special because they like the reason this has become dangerous is because like there's you know destruction of maps and wanting to protect the secret and he was the right to the secret and like the main character's mom is dead before the beginning of the book she died when she was a kid and she doesn't really remember it um and so then like what is revealed you know is like when she realizes that this phantom town is here she was like this phantom town is like a stone's throw from where I was told my mom died when I was a kid like that can't be a coincidence and of course it's not so the mom was inside the town when um one of them decided to burn all the maps they had of the town and so if the maps are gone the town is gone and so she is gone so that's how mom died but there is obviously another map which is the one that her dad has and that she finds so like oh it doesn't really make sense when we get to the flashback right where like the little so like basically like the main character has a little girl like when they're they're having this like big like this big show and where all the secrets are being revealed and everyone who like lied to everyone they're all mad at each other and one of them has been like trying like robbing places and making shady deals to collect every copy of this map that he can find and they're like why are you doing that and then like someone's been cheating on someone and like it honestly doesn't matter there's like it's like a bunch of characters you really don't get to know them and they all blend together but like there's been shenanigans and now all secrets are being revealed and the guy's been collecting all the maps is he's doing because he like wants to protect the secrets so it's only theirs and then they start like burning the maps but then they realize that the main character who's a little girl at the moment she is in in the phantom town and they're like oh no we have to save her so the mom goes to save her and like the the town starts burning because they're burning the maps and so like they get the girl out in time but the mom like something falls on her and then like the map burns and then she like disappears so the town disappears because the maps are gone but there is another map that has the town on it so they are able to return to it when they get that that's why the map that the dad had is so important because they ever want to get back there they need the map that's the only way to get there so I'm sure you guessed a mile away that mom is a lie and in the town and that's why dad still had the map so that he could like get back to her except like he doesn't go back to her like he goes back to her once right after it happens and they decide you know that she has to stay there and pretend to be dead so that he can raise the daughter and like they'll be safe and maybe someday when the guy who was doing all the collecting of the maps and was the one that burned them when he like slowly when he finally loses interest and stops like pursuing this then like then they can come back and be a family and she can come back but like why though you know like I don't understand why this is such a big deal like why this is a secret worth ruining your entire life for because like it's sure enough our adult main character follows the map and gets to this town and mom is there mom's been there this whole time like 20 years or something maybe more I think it might actually be more than 20 years but mom's been there all alone making maps for 20 years and she is not crazy like I mean she should be but she seems very fine the only crazy person is the guy who like originally was burning the maps and now he's still been after the maps and he's you know he's like obsessed with her slash the town and that's why he was wanting the maps but okay remember when I said it would be cool if this was like the one and only paper town that actually was real and that's why this was like such an important secret to keep in such a special place but no it turns out any map that has something drawn on it that doesn't actually exist does exist if you have the map that shows it like with you because there's a there's a moment they talk about this house that someone buys and he specifically buys it because there's a map of the house that includes like a back stairway or or secret room or something and the library has one of these too like a secret room but like the only way you can get to that secret door or secret room is with the map of the house that has that on it so like this town is not special in any way other than you know it being one of these secret places but apparently any map that has a place that doesn't exist on it if you have the map the place now exists and what are the limits of this there are no limits because the in the climax of the book when they're having this like big meetup right where we have the reveal of like whom murdered dad and that mom's alive and like why she didn't know that mom was alive and why this was all kept from her whole life because they had to protect the secret and protect her from the crazy guy who like wants all the maps because he wants to find this place again mom the whole time has been drawing maps of the town that she's in so that she can fill it with things that she needs like drawing a grocer and drawing you know whatever she needs so she can have food and clothes and things like that and like the way they get out of this when like the bad guys there with a gun and like it's like a big moment our main character gets a pen and takes them this final copy of the map and draws on it we don't really see what she does or how she does it it's left vague but what she heard or or we're told is her big plan now her like aha moment is like what if I move the town it's only here because it says it's here on the map but what if I move it so I don't know how she can take an existing map of this area where this place is and like just by like what did she circle it and draw on air I don't know what she did but what she says she's is thinking she's gonna do is move it so but all we see is she takes the pen and then suddenly everyone except for her is out of the town like the town is gone and they're just like in New York again or like regular like he's on every map version of New York but the town is gone and she is gone I don't know why she is also gone like why shouldn't why wouldn't she also get spit out where she is because like the map doesn't teleport you like at no point has a map been able to teleport you it's just if you have the map in hand when you go to the place where this map says that this door is or this place is then you can see it but if she moved the whole town then she would still need to physically go to the place where she now said the town is with map in hand to be able to see it again but no she teleports with the town to wherever she has relocated it to and then we don't see from her at all for the rest of the book all we see is later like like she's disappeared for all intents and purposes and like her ex-boyfriend who was like back into her because we have a try we have a second second time romance in this and it's terrible he's like you know moved on with his life but he gets a letter from her saying that she's gonna invite everyone to share in the wonder of this town and she's like making lots of copies of the map now but he's the first one she's invited so he's gonna come to the new place where this town is and I just like I don't understand why this town is so important like apparently any map any map you could draw anything on and it exists now like those are the rules you've established in this book there's nothing special about this one you took a ballpoint pen and drew on it and it was something else now like it wasn't like that it would have to have been originally on the map and it's not that it originally had to be made from a certain press if there's nothing no she took a ballpoint pen drew it in a different place and it moved so like the thing is like they act like this this town right it's like such a big deal that there's a secret that they're worth killing and dying for and then mom had to stay here there her whole life and miss her daughter's life and the dad like was estranged from her over this from his daughter over this and the secret that they've discovered is that like you can create anywhere else you want if you just draw it on a map there's no limits to this like the godlike power that you apparently wield by just having a piece of paper with a map on it is that's what you've discovered not like a random paper phantom town that like that is the secret that must be I don't understand why they're obsessed with this town like that's the big deal like guys I think you're really missing the point here I think you're really missing what you've actually discovered because like they make a big deal like the guy like uh one of one of the back stories right is the guy that got the house that has the like secret way out I think or a secret room or whatever and that's why he wanted the house so bad and the like he was like really in debt and like could barely hold on to the house but that's why he wanted it you could apparently buy any house and just like draw on the map of that house that a room exists and now it does like which if that is the case it seems very unlikely to me that these cartographers would have been the first to discover by the way the book is called the cartographers because this little grouping of friends who discovered the town you know her parents and company they called themselves the cartographers because you know they're kind of like like the uh like the marauders in harry potter mooney worm tailpan but in prongs or or something you know something like that it's very contrived and very silly but yeah they called themselves the cartographers that's why it's called that but do you see why this is so so so so stupid like I at no point does this book make any kind of sense like I don't know why mom had to stay in that town her whole life like to protect the secret I don't know why dad had to be a strange from his daughter to protect the secret other than this creates a mystery and therefore makes the reason for the plot to happen and like the guy who's been after these maps for forever ever ever like they've discovered that if you put something on a map that exists so I don't understand why he wouldn't just make another map of that place and go there I don't understand or also why that town is important because again you could draw any place on any map and make it exist like I just I don't think the author thought through the implications of what she's set up and she had left it unexplained where it was like we really don't know why this one town works like this like that these cartographers have studied many many many many maps and they have come across many paper towns and this is a well known thing you know that was in maps but this one town actually exists and can only be reached by having the map that has it on it with you then that would make it special then that your main character would have to find a different way out of this bind that she's in she couldn't draw her way out of it so you'd have to think of a an actual better way for your plot to end instead of Deus Ex Machina but then it would make it special but no you've made it where anything that exists on a map exists in real life if you have the map which that's ridiculous and not just ridiculous because like well it's not possible like that doesn't exist like obviously that's magic but you know there's like there's no limits to that there's nothing she's put on it's not like there's a magical special MacGuffin pen and it's only this pen that makes what's on a map real like at least as silly as that would be that would put a limit on it that would mean like oh you have to have this magic secret special mystical ancient pen and that's what makes this work instead of anything drawn on a piece of paper is real like basically according to this book like if I took a map of the United States if I like you know in Photoshop if I took the map of the United States and I took a map of Middle Earth and then like I drew in a bridge between the two then wherever I drew that bridge to be I could just take that map there and I could cross the bridge and into Middle Earth I go like that's what you're telling me is possible with this book and that's but we're obsessed with this like random town in New York that you discovered like that's whatever one is killing and dying over make it make sense so I do not recommend this book because like if it was also it was like really really dumb in all these ways that I just described but you know it's just like such a fun time because like the characters are so fun and the mystery is so interesting and it's such like a page turning good time even if it makes no kind of sense then like I probably would have given it two or three stars because I'd be like this doesn't make any sense but like I had a good time but I did not have a good time because it's written really really dryly and it's really boring and the characters aren't distinguishable characters they are all they are paper characters but having the book does not make them real in summation the book of the cartographers is not about cartographers and even if it were it's not very good it makes literally no sense and it's not fun to read so um yeah don't read it below in the comments down below if you have read the cartographers what you thought of it if you did not read the cartographers and you stayed to the spoilers and let me know if you aren't glad that you will not now have to read it or you're disappointed that you look into the spoilers because dang that sounds good and you really wish you could have read it without spoilers or if you still plan to read it for some reason because because I mean I would love to know why you do something to read it so let me know all your thoughts and feelings and I'll see you in my next video