 The National Broadcasting Company presents the Big Show, the first half hour presented by the makers of Reynolds Aluminum, the Reynolds Metals Company, and starring the glamorous, unpredictable, Tallulah Bank head. Americans of America, we're going to be your father full of stars. For the next hour and 30 minutes you will be entertained by some of the biggest names in show business. Such bright stars as... Bob Carroll. John Davis. Vera Lynn. Jimmy Nelson. And Banne O'Day. Lord Reigns. Herb Shiner. Meredith Wilson. And my name, darlings, is Tallulah Bank head. Well darlings, here it is New Year's Eve. It was a long party. 1951 is over and here is 1952. I suppose most of you are a year older. Oh, not me. People say to me, now how do you manage, darling, to stay so young? Well that's no secret. Every year I put a handful of numbers into a hat. Every New Year's Eve I pull out a number. Whatever number comes out, that's my age. The trick, of course, is not to put in any numbers higher than 29. But my darlings, this year I pulled another number out of the hat. Do you know how old I am? Seven and one eight. But I did make one really good resolution for the New Year. I'm going to be more gracious to my guests on the big show. I'm going to be considerate and thoughtful and kind and always the lady. So starting this week with such guests as Joan Davis, well, starting next week I'm going to be a lady. But every week I'm gracious to our darling sponsor, the Reynolds Metals Company. Thank you, Miss Frankhead. You know, we've talked about this being the age of aluminum. Reynolds Aluminum. But perhaps the truth could better be stated the other way around. Aluminum is the metal of our age. Our high-speed, streamlined civilization has no place for excess weight. So light, strong aluminum belongs. Modern design demands the clean white metal that never rusts. The cleaning industry wants all this and radiant heat reflection, too. The unique quality that makes Reynolds' aluminum roofing and siding keep interiors cooler in summer, warmer in winter. The quality that makes Reynolds' foil insulation ideal for any home. Foil, did we say? What other metal can make the wings of giant planes and the paper-thin packaging of your favorite foods? Only aluminum. Of course, we mean Reynolds' aluminum. Well, darlings, some of our guests on the show this week are new to the big show listeners. So to play it safe, I asked all of our guests to fill out some brief biographies. I also asked them to include their favorite funny stories. So here is our first guest, Joan Davis. She wrote this revolting little commentary. Davis? Joan. Born? Yes. Hair? Yes. Eyes? Yes. Favorite saying? Yes. Married? I knew my luck had run out. Made my first professional appearance at the original colony. Did so well? They booked me in all the 13 colonies. Favorite story? Well, my favorite story is about the little bricklayer who went to work every morning at 8 o'clock. The whistle went, whoo, whoo! Putting in the bricks, making them mortar. Leveling it off. One brick, another brick. Twelve o'clock the whistle blew for lunch. Whoo-hoo! Runs over, picks up his lunch box, opens it up, takes out a sandwich, unwraps it, takes one by the sandwich and his ooh! How do you like that? Peanut butter! Grows his sandwich away. Next morning, same thing. Whistle blows. Whoo-hoo! He's on the job. Putting in the brick, making the mortar. Leveling it off. One brick, another brick. Whistle blows for lunch. Whoo-hoo-hoo! Runs over, picks up his lunch box, opens it up, takes out a sandwich, unwraps it, takes one bite he says ooh. How do you like that? That peanut butter this goes on every day for a week the whistle whoo-hoo the lunchboxes now it's ooh peanut butter Well finally the man working next to him couldn't stand it anymore. He says to him if you don't like peanut butter Why don't you have your wife make you another kind of sandwich and the little guy says what why I make it myself? Why does that producer always put her on the show all the time what producer I do it myself Oh, well next we have a new face on the show Bob Carol one of our brightest new singing stars Carol Bob pop singer mom housewife Ambition to be another Bing Crosby So far have only one son and he won't work And he's going on for already favorite story a friend of mine went to take one of those civil service examinations to become a policeman And he was doing very well till he came to the last question the examiner asked him What is the distance between New York and San Francisco my friend said? If that's gonna be my beat to heck with a job Well our next guest is a young singer whom we've just imported from England her name is Vera Lynn and this is what she wrote Lynn Vera born in the British Isles a mother couldn't get a seat Since arriving in America this past week. I have already picked up many slang expressions such as oh you kid two three skidoo Tell it to the mariners Press on darling and now you're cooking with petrol Favorite story a chap walked into a chemist shop Drug shop, I believe you call it over here, and he said to the chemist I beg your pardon, but do you handle flight paper and the chemist said yes? I do and the chap said well wash your hands and fix me a tuna fish sandwich Really, I didn't get it Anyway, she is a marvelous singer. Well our next guest to write his biography is Jimmy Nelson He's a young a new young ventriloquist, and I see his dummy partner Danny O'Day helped him write it Look who's calling who a dummy Danny, please be quiet Nelson Jimmy O'Day Danny Lid with my mother and father in Chicago until I went on the stage 11 years ago. My mother was a hickory Well father was an owl Till he went out one night and got lit and laid an ash of himself Everybody I wish you'd cut that out favorite story. Thank you all be glad to all right go ahead Well, this is a story about a lieutenant in the last war He was expecting a visit from General Eisenhower while he was pretty nervous about it So every once in a while he ran out of the orderly room He said to the private stationery said to General Eisenhower get here yet Private said no, sir This one on three or four times each on the rush out look at his watch and say to the private get here yet Each time the private said no, sir, I mean about a half hour later a car drove up and a general got out Private walked up to him said, excuse me, sir. Are you general Eisenhower a general said yes the private said Boy, are you gonna get up from the lieutenant? And when that private found out when he had done well, he's still running as for the general well, who knows And now I see our next guest is the fellow from Indiana Herb Schreiner Schreiner Herb educated in Indiana Never forget the day I left school some fire I Ran away from home at 28 On a count of the weather weather being sort of poor In fact, I was the first one to notice it I was out on the front porch one day trying to shake a pic out of a mandolin. I Saw a storm coming I didn't see it coming but a friend of mine blew past the house That's right as soon as I seen that fella I knew there was something going on because I knew him very well And he never came up that street as a rule Favorite story is a story about a fella in my hometown fellow named Eve noticed Well, he'd been famous for his big beard big long flowing beard and One of the boys standing in front of the barber shop one day saw Eve walking by with his beard blowing in the breeze He says to the barber, you know, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if Eve ever shaved off that beard He might turn out to be somebody we know Well, our next guest is a distinguished actor of the theater and motion pictures. Mr. Claude Reigns and he had this to say Reigns Claude We're not acting before the camera behind the footlights. I'm a dirt farmer The farm is located in Chester County PA not very far removed from the genius belt Bucks County And discuss me plenty of bucks This appearance tonight on the big show is very important to me It means 20 tons of fertilizer Favorite story It was during the war the locale a defense factory Every night one of the workers came out with a wheelbarrow full of sawdust the guard of the gate stopped him each time Sifted through the sawdust to see if he was taking anything. He should not be taking he never found a thing Finally after a couple of weeks of this the guard who was convinced the man was taking something stopped him one night And after sifting through the sawdust and still not finding anything said care old man You and I have been friends for many years I'm sure you're stealing something, but I cannot figure out what it is Now you tell me what it is you're stealing when you come out here with that wheelbarrow full of sawdust every night I promise not to report you. What is it? You're stealing and the man replied wheelbarrows Get in on these biographies, but this week. I'm going to tell a little something about my life I've got a little something written here on asbestos paper a Bank head to Lula a real name did honor Bankhead a Change it to to Lula because he done her such a weird name That a child I was precocious and pertinent sarcastic and vitriolic Forcibly, I have had grown all these traits in my early teens I was Athletically inclined and played baseball on the school team in Alabama Alabama honey jar. I was voted the most Valuable player Well, this training came in handy when I arrived on Broadway and found so many producers who asked me to play ball with them Favorite story I'll tell you off the show darling Right now I think it's time for some music last summer the big show went to Europe one of the highlights of our stay in London Was meeting both personally and professionally the wonderfully talented Vera Len and here she is Miss Len is one of England's greatest singers as was evidenced by her triumphant appearance recently at the London Palladium After the tumultuous reception she got on our show over there I made a promise to come to America with me With us on the big-show game well tonight that promise is fulfilled. Thank you darling with an assist by medicine Wilson The big show oxen chorus here is very land singing cold porous haunting ballad. I am loved Merit darling if you please What a blue what a beautiful thing To be a they sung darling come here sweet. I want to talk to you. How is London since I was there last September? Oh, we're slowly recuperating Now Vera that's not a very nice start if you want to cement relations between this nation and the mother-in-law country Oh Tell me is this your first visit to America? Yes, it is and I must say I find it all so confusing Do darling what's confusing you better? Well for one thing the money here is so different from English money Oh, how different darling well the people here have it Well, you just happen to come during the money season darling The season ends March the 15th For money what a country. Oh, well, you'll get used to it And you never oh, you came over on the Queen Mary didn't you how was the crossing darling rather rugged. That's nice Now by the way, Winston Churchill was on the Queen Mary too wasn't he did you meet him darling? Well as a matter of fact I did oh wonderful We were talking and he told me he was feeding a little under the weather and I had some wonderful pills and He borrowed one for me a couple of days later. He borrowed another one He kept borrowing them all the way. We were on the ship. Oh getting into practice You'll pardon me if I borrow a few minutes here for our sponsor the darling Reynolds Metres company And I wonder if that aluminum wrap they talk about would be a good thing for keeping New Year's resolutions They're so perishable Well miss Bankhead among all the thousand and one uses of Reynolds wrap. I just don't find that one listed You know of course that Reynolds wrap the original and genuine is the pure aluminum foil Especially made for food keeping for cooking for baking. It will keep your salad greens crisp It's the quick neat way to cover bowls sealing the freshness in It's the best way to wrap leftovers of any shape. You can reheat them right in the foil And there's a whole new school of meat roasting developed by Reynolds wrap You just roast your chicken turkey or ham wrapped in this aluminum foil It seals in the juices you get less oven shrinkage more flavor more meat No wonder so many women want more and more Reynolds wrap No wonder they keep looking for it asking for it though. They know that military demands for aluminum limit the supply as One of America's great producers of aluminum the Reynolds metals company assures you but an important goal of its expanding capacity Is to bring you more Reynolds wrap? That's a New Year's resolution to be kept And now darlings we welcome for the big show an artist whose accustomed habitat is the big time behind him years of devotion to and triumphs in the theater of London and New York a Brilliant Korean pictures and the last season success in the must discuss dramatization of Arthur Kester's book Doctor's at noon. Mr. Claude Reigns Claude and I are pleased to bring you now a dramatization of that sardonic little masterpiece by John Collier Midnight blue Claude and I are Mr. Mrs. Pierce We have several younger children already off the school and older son not up and dressed yet His name is Fred the scene quite simply is in our home in an English suburb the time that's sensitive time Known as breakfast but before breakfast the story quite properly begins with the arrival home of mr. Spears in the wee hours of the morning Late quite late Too late try to give me away Try to raise the house When you'll strike no more you'll tick no more Not tonight anyway Now then it's all done isn't it? Hat was right overcoat muffler Right one Mm-hmm, polka dots shoes clean shirts spotless Clothing and order and brushed no jewelry missing no buttons gone hands and face scrubbed no bruises no scratches nothing One must be careful Sometimes they convict a man because of a thread a piece of lint, but they are not infallible There now everything is done snap out the light Let your eyes get used to the dark No stumbling easy now quietly quietly easy Wait Listen, she's asleep. Excellent easy now easy there and So To bed you haven't said good morning there haven't I well you do intend to no Then I'll say it. I don't want to hear it First of all any fool can tell it's morning Secondly tell me one good thing about it. Just one. No, I'm second thoughts. Don't tell me You are in a mood. Never mind about my mood. You just see to it that my toast isn't burned for once Do you want your mood a soft boil? What I mean you're a egg darling speaking of egg Where is that son of yours? Oh, he's yours as much as mine. He must have overslept. I'll call him Fred don't you hear me Get up this instant Fred. I'm up. I'm up. You better hurry. You'll be late I don't know what this family's coming to everyone out half the night. Oh, here's your toast Who was out half the night you Fred Millie? I don't know what time the children got home from that dance, but I know what time I got home Well, I know it's about three three nothing. I got home about one That's odd What's odd about it? Well, I heard the whole clock strike to the children came in shortly after that They're a long time after the clock struck one Then it sort of word or something and then it didn't strike again Well this morning I found it stopped look here I distinctly said that I came home about one well and maybe 130 the clock was perfectly all right, and you well You would asleep and snoring as usual. I don't snore Especially when I dream unless of course I dream that I'm snoring Then I snore because I know this is really me snoring not really me. You see it's only in the dream Fascinating, but I have some more coffee. Well, of course. Oh by the way, dear Did mr. Ben skin give you a lift home last night? No, oh right down your house When you give me that coffee Well, go out to dinner is all right. I'm a man ought to have an evening with his friends But you should get your rest, you know not that I had much rest last night. Oh Had such a terrible dream I dream that if there is one thing I hate more than coffee in my saucer Do you see this mess? Really do you are so buskier for your coffee and then when I was pouring your hand seemed to jerk the cup I was saying that if I Detest anything more than a filthy mess in my saucer It was a sort of female who blathered out a dream at the breakfast table. Oh my dream Oh, all right, my dear if you don't want to hear it. It was all about you. That's all Will you pass me? I either tell your dream or don't tell it. Will you say you didn't want to hear it? There is no more disgusting or offensive sort of idiot than the woman who hatches up a mystery And then what I was no mystery you said you didn't want I mean you please will you kindly put an end to this and tell me very Briefly, whatever nonsense it was that you dreamed and let's have done with it Imagine you're a dictating a telegram. Very well. Mr. T. Spears Normandy Radcliffe Avenue Western Garden server. I dreamed that you were hung hanged What did you say? Henry there's nothing a matter You look as if you'd heard from the income tax people Why why was I hanged? Well because of a murder in the middle of the night? It was so vivid mighty eye Oh, sir. I committed a murder and I was hanged Well now that I'm out of the way and you can talk freely do tell me the grizzly details Whom did I murder? Well, it really was grizzly. I I woke up quite depressed. It was poor mr. Benskin what yes, you murdered poor mr. Benskin No, why should she's murder your own partner? I don't know lovely Lovely you had me commit a murder saw me hanged and you didn't even go to the trial Must have been a motive. Oh, there was But it was rather vague something about Well about mr. Benskin insisting on looking at the books of the firm something vague people are hanged every day for something vague Murder being so hard to explain. Oh, no. No, it was all quite clear Yes, you're holding me spellbound Would you care to try further with the horrible detail? Well, my dear you see that you were with mr. Benskin late at night and he was running home in his car and you were chatting about business And of course you dreamed exactly of what we were speaking Oh, well, you know how people can dream the most difficult talk about things They don't know anything about and it sounds all right and of course. It's all nonsense, but it's the same with jokes You've been we make up the best joke you ever heard it when you wake up You tell your husband the joke and there is utter silence Yes, it is cream you go on with the dream Well, my dear you see you were chatting and you drove right with the garage And it was so narrow that the doors of the car would only open on one side And so you got out first you said to him wait a minute And you killed it up the front seat of that little car of his and you got in the back where your coach and Then we were driving without coats or hats. Yes, you see because it was so unseasonably warm Yeah, I see I see well Get on with it. I'm in the back seat now. Yes There you are in the back seat with hats and clothes when mr. Benskin still sat the wheel That was a that dark overcoat. He always wears and you're like coach You know you wore yesterday and you're silk muffler and your hats and everything can't we Get out of the gentleman's wear. It's getting a little boring back here Well things have pick up in a minute. You picked up one of the mufflers. They both had white polka dots on them I think he was wearing one like yours the last time he came to lunch on Sunday, wasn't he on his was dark blue Well, anyway, you picked up the muffler and you were talking to him as you tied a knot in it And all of a sudden you put it around his neck and and you straighten with him really and Why did I do this? Retro thing well the very thing about his wanting to look at the books Yes Yes, this is Too much for me. Well, it wasn't really too much for me, too I I was so upset in my dream Well, then you've got a piece of rope and tied it to the end of the scarf and then to the bar across the top of the garage So it looks as if he's if you hang them stuff I'm very extraordinary. Oh, yes, it was it was so vivid I can't tell you and then he got all mixed up You know his dreams do and I kept on seeing you with that muffler on and he kept on twisting about your neck And and then you were being tried and they They brought in the muffler Only seeing it by daylight. It was mr. Benskins because it was dark blue Only by the artificial light it looked like A very extraordinary silly, of course, I know it's a label. What do you want to have me tell you? I uh, I wonder if it is so silly As a matter of fact, I I did ride home with Benchkin last night. We had a very serious talk Not going to detailed. It happened. I'd hit on something very odd at the office. Well, I I Had it out with him. We sat talking quite a long time Maybe it was later than I thought when I got home and when I When I left him, you know, I had the most horrible Premonition I thought That fellow is going to make a way with himself That's what I thought. I'm very nearly turned back. I I felt like a well. I felt Responsible. It's a it's a serious business. I spoke to him very forcefully You don't mean to say mr. Bench is a fraud. I Mean, we're not ruined. No, not not ruined But there's been some pretty deep dipping. Are you sure he's the one he seemed so honest and he or I and it Well, you don't think he's You don't think he's hanging so heaven forbid no but considering that feeling I had well perhaps that Dream of yours came just from that feeling of mine Oh, of course, it's true rose water I streamed water when our brother was away sailing, but he wasn't round There are thousands of such cases that's generally wrong on all the details. Well, I hope for example, it happens. We both kept our coats are on and our Mufflers to all the time last night the Atmosphere was hardly intimate. Well, I should say not Who would have thought that of mr. Bench and his wife or woman would not have thought of it I resolved to spare her so whatever has happened or Not happened not one word not one word from you and the children not to anyone You know nothing a single word might lead to disgrace for the whole Wretched family. Oh, yes, you're quite right. My dear quite right. Oh, I see the children don't oh, here's Fred now Morning mom morning governor. Good morning, darling. No time for breakfast. I'll just get the train by the skin of my teeth if I'm lucky Say, uh, who's mufflers this by the way, it's not yours. Is it dad? This is a dark blue. May I wear it? Why what's the matter? What on earth the matter Come in Fred, you don't have to worry about your train Come in here and shut the door Thank you, Claude Rains darling. It's a stroke of luck to have you on our program You know I was brought up a touch wood for luck But our darling sponsors converted me and now I know it's better luck to touch aluminum Reynolds Well, good for you miss Bankhead. Oh, it's nice to touch bright smooth rust-proof Reynolds aluminum And aluminum is non-magnetic. You don't get those little electric shocks when you touch it after walking across a rug That's one reason why the plates around light switches on modern walls are now made of Reynolds aluminum In an entirely different way the man of our armed forces like to touch aluminum Because this modern metal makes their equipment so much lighter and more efficient as We meet their needs and expand toward full civilian supply Remember that competition is the power behind production and the pressure that keeps price down And remember to but Reynolds brought competition into the aluminum industry The Reynolds metals company pioneers of progress through aluminum And now before I get back to you Claude Rains This is as good a time as any to ring my chime. This is NBC the national broadcasting company The big show act to and here is to Lula Bankhead with her distinguished guest mr. Claude Rains Now Claude, let's talk about your being a farmer. That's one moment my good woman Before we get into these little jollies that you bandit with your guests every week I want to warn you that I am a steady listener to your program. I've heard it for two weeks now You called two weeks steady two years will be more like it. It seemed like two years And before we get involved in this internable bickering in which you indulge with your guests I would like to make it clearly clear immediately that I demand Respect. Oh, yeah in the first place In the first place. I am gracing your show by my very presence tonight. Oh, yeah Secondly, I am very much your senior. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah To me you are merely a beautiful and a very young actress. Oh my darling Claude You must come on our show every week Who can use that much fertilizer? Now do you wish to continue this banter along the lines I've laid out or shall I leave? What do you mean leave? I can have the truck back up now and go back to my farm Just a minute Zeke No farmer's gonna come on this show and tell me how to run it. No Yankee farmer No English Yankee farmer All right, so you were a big hit on Broadway in darkness at noon. Well, I could have been in that play I had a run of the play contract. You could never replace me In the part that Kim Hunter played I could have played her part my dear woman You would have been entirely unsuited for that part and my dear man if Kim Hunter could play it I could and I'll prove it you didn't Kim Hunter play in streetcar names are so what what wasn't the star of streetcar Names are Jessica Tandis. Yes, and in the movie version of streetcar names are didn't Vivian Lee pay the lead So and didn't Vivian Lee pay the lead in Scarlett O'Hara. Well, and who is Scarlett O'Hara? I must say that being on this show is much different from being on my farm eggs that are laid early in the morning Now look here Claude don't give me that bit about your Gracing our stage with your presence on this stage have charred such great stars and talent as Miss Ethel Barrymore George Sanders Olivia de Havilland Dennis King Lawrence Olivier Vivian Lee Charles Boyer and Joan Davis Joan Davis, that's me. I Present Joan Davis. No, thank you Well, why not mr. Reigns, what are you doing playing hard to get well, I'm pretty hard to take myself I Darling, this is the Joan Davis the Joan Davis. Well now what is a Joan Davis? What is a Joan Davis well, it's it's sort of a well, it's kind of flat on top No flat on the bottom. Well flat all over. No, that's false. It's kind of Well, if you're not too fussy, you could say it's a girl Rather something like a am I getting warm? Not to me Joan darling, you're wasting your time. This man is interested only in acting Well, I'm interested in a little action myself No, Joan. I said acting mr. Reigns is interested in the fifth and his farm Oh, well, I don't care about the farm, but I certainly know all about the theater. Oh, really? May I have a program miss? Here you are ma'am second and third seat in this row You see cause he does know all about the theater. Oh, no, you tricked me into that. I mean an actress This is an actress. Yes, this is did you ever see midsummer's night dream? Romeo and Juliet 12th night as you like it. Well, you're looking at a girl who saw those same four play And I'll never forget the night I played in Romeo and Juliet when I did the balcony scene the rafters shook Really don't think it was easy playing Juliet and running up on the roof and shaking the rafters Well, let's see how good an actress you are. All right, how's your enunciation? Are you repeat after me? How? How? Now now Brown Cow Well, he's back to the farm again Don't strike you as an actress Claude. Well, she's a how shall I say she I'm I'm trying to be succinct. She does exactly As long as you're giving acting instructions and talking about cows. Do you mind if I step in here somewhere you have I want you to meet mr. Ray. Hello. How about now brown cow? Hey, that's quite good. I can use you oh when you're new play cross now on my farm Young man, I was singularly impressed by your singularly unimpressive reading just now. Thank you. It was really nothing exactly Well, really don't make much difference what you how you say those lines You know the cows can't tell a good actor from a bad one young man Is this your first professional appearance as an actor? No made my first public appearance back in Indiana I was in a little show in a drugstore window for about two weeks and You're doing pretty good, and then I had to quit my corn healed up Made his first appearance as Paul Bunyan I've been hearing some marvelous things about your new TV show. What's you like better darling television or radio? well, thanks, mr. Bankhead for asking me, but I'll tell you I like them both I For all the folks back home aren't too crazy about me being on televisions I thought they would be the fact they favor radio quite a bit They rather have me on radio or we don't have to wear good clothes all the time It's kind of nice though. I if you'd get on television, of course, miss Bankhead I think it would do a lot for it. I think they could in fact They'd probably change it to Tallulah vision. Anyway radio is kind of a nice thing I think it's gonna be awful crowded for the next few weeks So this being an election year and all that the politicians will be taken over, you know and Candidates will be on there making speeches and calling each other names and the same names. They've been calling each other all these years Except after those Washington investigations why they probably be able to think of some new ones now But whatever names they call each other. They'll probably be right Both parties get a very fair chance. Oh and radio you see if a candidate gets on and he makes a speech Why then they got to give the opposite candidate the same amount of time to make a fool out of himself The old works, but I've never been Why I used to listen to election returns all the time just to see what was going on I'm kind of anxious to see how these are going to come out this year because Well, they'll be all on the radio November there and I think I heard the other day something interesting on a radio MacArthur is staying over at the Waldorf He's over there living where Herbert Hoover lives and Duca Windsor and Makes it pretty nice for the general. He's over there where there's an ex-president and an ex-king and he can kind of look him Over and see which he'd rather be But there's a there's a lot of things We'll be here in all this political news But you know on the radio the thing that always struck me was so good about it you get the news every hour and The only thing better than that is back home We used to have a thing where we'd get the a little bit better service than that. It was the party telephone Party line you'd get news on there You know, it's a lot better than radio they on a radio They'll a news commentator will come on tell you who's been seen with who but on a party line You can find out what they've been seen doing Much better deal, you know and around home people didn't used to enjoy the radio That's the thing that I couldn't figure out why and then we well, they didn't have any station for one thing which Bad but the town was so small we didn't get a station we had The fact that was about the smallest town I've ever run across people was afraid to leave for fairly never find it Ready to never get back, but we had no radio at all Then we was lucky we finally got a station and we never would have got it if it hadn't meant for a far-sighted fellow He in fact we wouldn't have got it off. He hadn't been far-sighted. You see he thought he was building another town Never forget that fellow though. He really didn't intend to go into radio at all He'd been around town there quite a bit. He used to be a doctor and Oh, I don't know he had to give that up. He was kind of careless. Oh I mean with him the smallest operation would turn into a major undertaking It's true like the time he gave that fellow a blood transfusion and it took three weeks It was crazy they found out that he had that little hose hooked to the fellas other arm He gave up doctoring after a few mistakes and Hey, he didn't but he didn't turn into a bum or anything. I give him a lot of credit he went That's right. He went to work and he started. Well, he would do anything for an honest dollar It was more than a dollar. He wasn't so fussy. He was just Tell you what he started to do. He was a good talker. So he started selling cemetery locks That's right and boy he could sell him he could sell while he sold people the locks and then he talked him into building houses on him He'd tell him anything he told me could he says well, why not build you can have everything but a seller But anyways He if we found out he could sell things to people he wouldn't he just wouldn't sit still he wanted to get them all at once so he thought well, he'll he'll get on the radio and put his own radio station up and We was a little bit afraid of radio for a long time back there. People is afraid. Maybe it might run the hogs You never know afraid it might spoil the crops you can't tell so Anyways, he started out and he got this little station and it wasn't too powerful at first It's just a well fact is if the wind was blowing you couldn't even get the programs at all just But His station was so weak you could just barely make out what they were saying and you think that would ruin him But it made his first sponsor. He got a sponsored by an outfit that made hearing aids Oh, he was lucky fellow. I tell you but the trouble was he didn't know where to where he was gonna Well, he had a sponsor. He didn't know where to put the station He didn't couldn't get a good location. He had kind of a poor spot in town He was right underneath the skate and rink and over a bowling alley Well You're right. He had to move they made him move his commercials was annoying the bowlers So he didn't know where to go and he finally got a little place for a station up next to a dentist and He didn't have any money for an antenna put up. That was what was holding the station back, but this that's right this What it was the dentist had a great big tin tooth that hung outside for a sign So he hooked on to that and use that for an aerial That big tooth there. It was pretty good deal. But later on he got kind of well He got a little bit of money, you know, and he thought well He'll show off and build a great big aerial. He built an aerial so high that the programs couldn't get down to the city there Well At first he didn't have much in a way of programs. He had this Well, he didn't have any programs to be honest with you at first. He just had static The people was like they are with television sets. They're just glad to get anything on it, you know He he got one program though finally he decided he'll do all the programs himself one man man and He did a program called a man on the street He stood there for quite a while and nobody came by And No, but when he'd get him when finally he'd get somebody he could interview them I mean he could get them to talk he had that little a gift of Well, he'd get him drunk is what it was Just just when he just when he got going he had a sponsor he had a program and everything else He got another bad setback somebody moved into town with an electric razor Couldn't hear a thing But he's not quitting I'll tell you he's a kind of fellow that will fight back and now he's out there ready to Strike back at him. He's raised some money and he's going to buy the razor To all I didn't want to get you folks all riled up here, so I'll go sit down for a while. Thanks As always I love you darling Well, it's been some time since we've had some music on the show and what better time than this moment to introduce a new Singing star Bob Carroll for his election tonight. Bob is going to sing his sensational record hit my conchetto Mary's darling if you please I can't travel is a simple melody as simple Shuffle isn't meant for Carnegie yet once you hear it play Never forget of you Could make such music Big is a love song could make such music from the start So come here darling. I want to talk to you. I don't want to have you read your contract It's specifically stated when I call you you come over Have you read my contract? I signed it pericomal. Yeah, I got news for you That's the way our checks going to be made out, too I'll be right over that's better. I knew I could make you say uncle Alright, here. I am Uncle Tallulah. I Always have trouble with these young handsome singers. Well, I didn't mean to start any trouble. It's just that I Find you a most irresistible You sort of bring out the tiger in me Well, do you want me to hold that tiger? Hey Tallulah go away Can't you see I got myself a P.I.G.E.O.N a Piggy on Well, you want to be alone Tallulah. That's the idea. Come on Bob. She wants to be alone. I Don't wanna Well, uh matter of fact, I find you a most irresistible miss Davis You bring out the tiger in me. You just said that to me. Well, I'm a neurotic tiger Love that song you're saying Bob my concerto miss Davis. That's pronounced Concerto the C is pronounced Know that did you know Tallulah that C is pronounced Well, that's my favorite song Bob. It it brings back so many memories my Concerto is a simple melody As simple as the way we met Little high Don't think of it. I was a little high myself Yes, I I'll never forget the way we met. I was on a vacation in Miami at the Coney Plaza Hotel He was a service man. I think he was a service man. He always came up through that entrance His way through school the Miami State Institute for the Bowl He was studying to be a moron Junior grade and he only had two more years to go and it was so simple the way we met the minute I saw me grabbed me in my arms He held me close with all my might And I felt his hot breath close to my face Please I said you're melting my nose job And that afternoon we became engaged we went shopping for a ring He was looking at the four carrot rings. I was willing to settle for a one carrot We finally compromised on a two-carat, and he was so happy when I slipped it on his fingers And two years later he was graduated from school, but he wanted to go on with his education He wanted to go to high school He didn't have any money. He had been going to grammar school under the GI Bill Yeah, but but I told him I told him he had to start making money. So we could get married So I went to work and in no time at all. He became a tycoon He sold ties You know well he didn't make much of a living but I decided that a foreign hand was worth two in the bush First quarrel yes, it was just a little quarrel. He shot me in the shoulder But we patched that up And a few days later he started picking on me with a nice pick and such large chunks 20 cent pieces But we finally patched that up Then one day he took me for a ride in his car and while we were driving along He told me to go sit in a rungle seat. I went and there was no rungle seat But I held on the rear bumper and I dragged along all behind You know I'm that runs up Fifth Avenue. It's not there anymore Well, I couldn't patch that up And when you hear my song Sentimental song it touched me deeply Now just sit down if you can while we go on to act three But first I want to take a moment to ring my silver anniversary time This is NBC the national This is the big show act three this portion brought to you by Chesterfield Sound off for Chesterfield get something new something no other cigarette heads Chesterfield mildness plus No unpleasant aftertaste by anison for fast relief from pain of headache neuritis and uralgia and by dentine The gum with breathtaking flavor and beeman's pepsin the gum that's great to chew and good for your digestion too To Lula Bank it will be here in a moment, but first let's hear Bing Crosby sound off for Chesterfield Chesterfield That's right. Yes, Chesterfield is something new no other brand can offer you By all this plus no aftertaste no unpleasant aftertaste mildness plus No unpleasant aftertaste in Chesterfield That's right from smart night club to country store the folks are buying them more and more go north go south go east Go west Chesterfield you like the best. Here's what we want you to do right now Yes, here's what we want you to do right now Sound off for Chesterfield Sound off for Chesterfield Try a pack of Chesterfield do it Today and now here again is to Lula Bankhead Well darlings it's time for boy meets girl on the big show and they make beautiful music together Vera Lynn and Bob Carroll have combined voices to give us the lovely ballad. It's all in the game Meredith care to chaperone this young couple darling if you please Has to fall But it's all in the game All in the wonderful game as love Once in a while soon. He'll be there at your side with a sweet bouquet Here's locking deals your heart can rock Once in a while soon. He'll be there at your side with a sweet bouquet Another newcomer to our show. Here's a young man who's skilled as a ventriloquist is truly amazing He has taken a piece of wood and breathed life into it The young man is Jimmy Nelson and his partner is Danny O'Day front and center Jimmy and Danny Thank you, hello to Lula Jimmy I want to bid you welcome to the big show and that does not include your partner whom I consider a precocious and Impersonate young man Why do you say that to Lula because I always knock wood for love All right Nelson you gonna stand there with my mouth open and not say anything that is girl burrow Girl burrow look Danny. That's no way to talk about a woman of Miss Bankhead stature. She's a stature. Yes Where are the pigeons? Stop that. I'm awfully sorry Miss Bankhead. I must apologize for Danny. No, that's all right darling I consider the source. And what do you think is the source? Just whom do you think is the source a huh? Are you leave me out of this? Well, I don't know I should be in this thing alone if she's gonna hate me Why shouldn't she hate you to say that's right Jimmy? You're the one that's making him say these things Hey, you see miss Bankhead I want to apologize to mr. Nelson saying the things that I said to you that he said and I just a minute darling Who's apologizing you and Nelson? Well, I am. No, I am Danny. Will you keep quiet? I will if you Now look darling, I'm getting a little confused here. Let me have that boy for once I'd like to hear a fellow say things I want to hear All right here here you can have oh now, okay now What do I do now darling? Well, you just put your hand right in back here. I see like this, huh? Oh such cold hands Quiet You're not supposed to talk. I haven't said anything yet Now is this where I put my hand darling right back here. Yes, that's right You were mitten Danny, please Said still you blockhead Now I put my hand back here. That's right. Bankhead. Does this mean we're engaged? I've got you Oh darling, I can't find the string. Oh, here it is and I looked on do I pull this string here if you do my underwear is going on Well, I'm trying to find it. I'm trying to stop browsing Stop complaining Here, let me show you how to do that miss bankhead. Let me have Danny back again Nelson go find your own girl on to get in the like this Now, let me try again. I know I hold him like this and I put my hand back here. Oh here comes all icy fingers again Now I get it. That's it. That's it. Now you talk to him and he'll answer you. Oh, all right Danny darling Danny darling look into my eyes Who's operating your head? Oh Darling, look at me. Look at me. You're fascinating. Tell me that you love me Tell me that I'm fascinating that I'm the only woman in the world. You talk to me Danny talk to me What's the talk? Let's neck And it doesn't wait for me. I can't get him to say the things I want him to Try the other hand to Lula. Yeah, try the other hand, please. This one's getting sweaty Oh Here we are Now now now you'll talk to me here we go. Hello Danny. How are you? I'm fine Think of to Lula. I think she's the most glamorous and devastating woman the world Oh, Jimmy. Well, it works like magic Oh This is fun, I do want to do some more but look darling just a moment. Will you hold on just a minute Jimmy? Well, it early he takes a moment out to tell us about something that's on his mind If you suffer from pains of headaches neuritis on your algea You should discover what many thousands have known for years that anison brings incredibly fast effective relief Anison is like a doctor's prescription That is anison contains not just one but a combination of medically proven active ingredients in easy to take tablet form Probably at some time you have received an envelope containing anison tablets from your own physician or dentist Thousands of people have been introduced to anison this way Try anison yourself the next time you suffer from the pains of a headache neuritis or neuralgia You'll be delighted at how quickly relief can come anison is spelled a n a c i n Your druggist has anison and handy boxes of 12 and 30 tablets and economical family-sized bottles of 50 and 100 for your medicine cabinet ask for anison today Well, Danny, how do you like to Lula isn't she great? She sure is It's gonna be tough getting back to you and your hot little hands Well, Danny, I guess I guess you're glad watch that bird. I'm sorry. I guess you're glad you came to New York How how do you like New York? California here. I come just a minute right all right, please. I'm talking about New York Oh, yes now New York reminds me of way down in Missouri Danny where I Danny that's enough For the last time I'm trying to say that New York will always be to me like Chicago Chicago That's enough all right, huh? That'll do I give up. What what can I do to make you behave tonight? I've yelled at you until I'm blue in the face So I noticed Goes very well with your bloodshot eyes Is it a set? Oh, it's not look I repeat I've yelled I've I've argued. I've even pleaded with you. There's nothing left to do Have you ever thought of money? Just as I thought broke again. What happened to the 50 cents you found yesterday when I take a girl out I go all the way Always spending money foolishly. What about the money I gave you today? Well, I you don't have to tell me I can guess it's probably been squandered the same way the rest has been squandered now. Come on. Huh? What did you do with the money? I gave you today. Hi I Bought you a birthday present Now you make me feel you make me feel like a perfect idiot Don't be silly. Nobody's perfect. I'll cut that You're just trying to play on my emotions if I want to spend money on my girlfriend You can't stop me girlfriend. Yeah, well, I'd like to know something about her. What do you want to know? Well, is she a pretty girl? Is she homely keep going Well, don't tell me she's ugly. I don't tell you Is she ugly try repulsive Repulsive know that you're getting warm Look, I think you're kidding me besides. How long have you been interested in girls? Why do you see it? I Said how long have you been interested in girls ever since I found out they weren't boys You want to sit on my knee for a while? You know sometimes that's that you talk like an in the soul like what just why I said you talk like an in the soul An in the soul, but I didn't understand what you meant. I just said those two words I'll say them again in the soul in the soul. I beg your pardon is someone calling me Alright, who left the door open gene? Who is this? This is Humphrey Higsby. Humphrey Higsby. Yes, our other boy Yes, look a schnuckle. His name is Humphrey. I call them the way I see them Look, what are you doing here? I beg your pardon. I'm not getting through to him. I Said what are you going to do? Oh? Well, I thought that you you and James and I like that is I wanted if we that is I I thought that we did Yeah, what was the question again, please? What is the AC or DC? Whatever is he's not plugged in I Nearly thought that the three of us could could do a song. That's all you didn't let me finish my sentence, Daniel I'm sorry after all I was Heracotically through Heracotically through Exacotically I see Well go ahead nobody's stopping you. Oh, yeah, I know that now it is if the ensemble is assembled that we shall begin When you get a load of the figure on that guy Higsby, I always wonder what they do would use Christmas trees Now I know go ahead three voices at once. Well, I'll know sorry And gentlemen here we go now I said, A-B! A-D-Who? A-B-C! A-D-C! A-B-C-D! A-D-C-D! A-D-C-D-E! A-D-C-D-E-A-G-H-R! Hi, hi! I said, N-M-A-W! N-M-M-M-M-M! Shut up! N-O-T-T! N-O-T-T! No-n-O-N-O-N-O! N-O-T-T-N-O-N-O! Ragnar! Purr-r-r-t-r-t-r-t-t-t-t-rr-r-er! Ragnar! Purr-r-r-r-t-r-t-t-t-r-er! For Agnab... Wonderful, darling. What a technique. Oh, if I could do that. How restful that must be. Talking without moving your mouth. And now, here's something else of interest to you. For breathless moments. For your breathless moments. Chew, dentey. The gum with breath-taking flavor. Denteen tastes so good. Denteen freshens your breath. Denteen helps keep your teeth sparkling clean and white. Denteen, the gum with breath-taking flavor. Before you go out and always after eating, drinking, smoking, refresh your breath with denteen. You'll love denteen chewing gum, for denteen has a wonderful tingling, nippy flavor that lingers on and on. It's delicious. And remember, denteen helps keep your teeth white, too. Keep denteen handy. You'll enjoy refreshing your breath when you chew denteen. So for breathless moments, for your breathless moments. Chew denteen, the gum with breath-taking flavor. Well, we haven't heard from the aquifer yet. Meredith Wilson and his boys, and my boys, too, have whipped up a special arrangement of a bouncy old favorite called whine. Meredith, darling, if you and the boys are ready, if you please. The question before the house is very serious. The question before the house is rather mysterious. Let's settle the question now before it can weary us. La-de-we-we-mage-what-what-what-what-what-what. I seem to forget. Poverty done, my darling. Come here, sweetie. I want to talk to you, Meredith. Yes, Miss Bankhead. Meredith. Thanks. The week after week, darling, your orchestra contributes a real high spot on the big show. And I just thought, I'd like to tell you, very much. We appreciate it. Please do. I just did. Oh well in that case thank you. Well I must say you don't seem very happy about my compliments. Well sir Miss Bankhead. We'll get back to that again. You see there's one ambition that I've always had and that's to have a glee club just like Fred wearing with one of those boing quartets. Boing quartet? Yes you know one of those quartets that at the end of every phrase the ladies go boing. Well why don't we have one on this show huh? Could we? Gee that'd be swell. Now let's see who we got this week. We need four girls and a male soloist. Well Claude Reigns would be happy to oblige I'm sure. Would you be the male soloist Mr. Reigns? Well I'm the right gender. Well it's really very simple Mr. Reigns. How now Brown boing. Would you mind trying that? If you don't mind I prefer to keep my singing voice a secret until the actual performance. Okay now we need three girls and before there are any wisecracks I'm one of the girls. Well can you boing Miss Bankhead? With the best of them girls. Now we need two more girls. Well I'm a girl. Well that's a nasty thing to say. Honest I'm a girl look I'm wearing a dress look I'm wearing high heels look I'm wearing nylon stockings look I you'll just have to take my word for it. Look darling can you boing Joan? Are you kidding? Not in this skirt I'll know. Well we need you so stretch your point. Oh and you better then how about you can you boing? Well boing has been rationed in England you know but I'll try it. Oh well don't be nervous darling. Would you know that's what I admire about you Tallulah. You're never nervous or tense. Oh well I've been in this business too long. I'm past tense. You said it I didn't. Miss Bankhead I've been looking around and we're short one girl. One short girl? Oh I know Herb Schreiner. Would you mind being a short girl? All right I'm prettier than most of the girls back home anyway. That's a truth. I had one girl back there that I was trying to make a hit with and I took a picture of her in her bathing suit. I thought I'd send it to Miss America contest you know just to make a hit with her. You know they sent a picture back she didn't even get in the contest. In fact they won no how long she'd been in the water. Yeah tape or something. Yeah well we're ready for the boing quartet. Meredith Wilson and our guest soloist Mr. Claude Ray down by the old mill screen. Darling's I hope you get a big boing a little bit. Bring on back there. Well Miss Bankhead that's our salute to you because this past week we noticed where the radio editors of America through radio and TV daily voted you woman of the year in radio. Thank you old darling. That's a very great honor Meredith and I appreciate it so much. Thank you radio editors of America. You're all my darlings. That's a special chorus of thanks just for you radio editors and I sincerely hope I live up to your confidence. Thank you again. Next week the big show will have as its guests Fred Allen Tony Bennett Phil Foster June Havoc Portland Huffer Betty Hutton Vera Lynn Shepherd Strudwick and others and of course our very own Meredith Wilson and the big show orchestra and chorus until then very good Lord bless and keep you whether near or far away Vera. May you find that long awaited golden day Joe. May your troubles all be small ones and your fortunes ten times ten Claude. May the good Lord bless and keep you till we meet again. Give me. May you walk with sunlight shining and the bluebird in every tree. Danny. May the day back of their three. Your dreams with sweet tomorrow. Never mind what might have been. Hey the good Lord bless and keep you till we will soon forget and God speak to our armed forces everywhere. Good night darling. This portion of the big show has been brought to you by Chesterfield sound off for Chesterfield get something new something no other cigarette has Chesterfield mildness plus no unpleasant aftertaste by Anderson for fast relief from pain of headache neuritis and uralgia and by dentine the gum with breathtaking flavor and beamons pepsin the gum that's great to chew and good for your digestion too. The first half hour of the big show was presented by the makers of Reynolds Aluminum the Reynolds metals company who also bring you the Kate Smith evening hour on the NBC television network. Herb Schreiner appears with the courtesy of Aaron shirts enjoy myrtha music with Phil Harris and Alice Faye next on NBC.