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Published on May 27, 2012
---DISCLAIMER FOR PEOPLE THAT DON'T GET IT--- Here's some info that might clear up some controversy in the form of a Q&A:
(Q) Why are you insulting my intelligence with the obnoxiousness of this video?
(A) This video is intended to be as over-the-top and stupid as possible for humor. That fact should be EXTREMELY obvious. If you took it 100% seriously, you obviously aren't very "intelligent" now, are you? (It was also so that the 12-year-olds that beg their parents for DLC money could comprehend it.)
(Q) Why are you portraying EA as bathing in money when they are rapidly losing stock value?
(A) Despite a falling gross value, they are still worth several billion dollars. It doesn't cost anywhere near that much to make an amazing title. They could easily make a hit and have it sell with the talent they have now, instead of squandering money on advertising and tech rather than the actual game.
(Q) Why is IGN being bribed to give reviews in favour of EA, isn't this is only a rumor?
(A) Yes, it is a rumor. I included it for mostly comedic purposes, although it does seem very likely judging by "professional" vs. "consumer" rating trends.
(Q) Since when did IGN give Sonic, Halo, or Mario games poor ratings?
(A) This is purely exaggeration, the titles depicted are merely "placeholders" representative of "good games" for IGN to rate poorly.
(Q) Why is Origin depicted as a massive cargo ship, and Steam as a cube van when the popularity of these platforms is quite the opposite?
(A) The size of the platforms is intended to compare the level of obnoxiousness/intrusiveness for each platform. Origin crushes Steam because it is attempting to compete by being advertised more.
(Q) Why are D.I.C.E. and PopCap dancing with Valve? Aren't they owned by EA?
(A) They were formerly independant companies, free to release their titles on any platform, including Steam. D.I.C.E. was bought out by EA in 2006 for $23.9 million. PopCap was bought out in 2012 for $750 million. Hence; the "and then he herded them onto a boat" part. EA purchased the companies depicted (you can see several names on the backs of their shirts) to work under exclusivity deals, restricting their release platform to Origin only. (Other publishing companies buy developers, but they do NOT reduce their release range to a single digital platform for self-promotion.)
(Q) Why does EA hit Maxis when he wants to use the bathroom after working so hard?
(A) This is a portrayal that EA tends to rush their products as quickly as possible (and cram as much money into advertising as possible), thinking that "more money = more sales", when infact it cripples the creative talent. Employees are forced to work long shifts with minimal pay (often no overtime pay) so that they can meet release deadlines and pump out more products faster. They hope to keep their net worth afloat using this tactic, when infact, they are literally wasting their own money.
(Q) Why did you focus on EA? This seems extremely biased considering there are plenty of other awful publishers out there.
(A) Indeed there are; Activision, Capcom, Zynga, Blizzard, Ubisoft, Sony, Microsoft, etc. Most of these companies have various and numerous flaws in business ethics, such as milking franchises, forced DRM, online passes, held back content intended as later DLC, yada yada. However, EA employs ALL of these awful tactics, whole-heartedly embracing and defending them. The bad business example that is EA can be easily recognized and representative of many other "AAA" publishers.
(Q) How is this behaviour bad? Companies exist to make money, they're just doing what they're supposed to.
(A) No, no, no, and A MILLION TIMES NO. Companies exist to trade a valuable product to a consumer in exchange for fair payment. They should only make a profit in order to improve their service efficiency, quality of product, and in order to comfortably support themselves. EA does NONE of these, spare the last one, which they OBSESS over. I AM WILLING TO FORGIVE AND SUPPORT THEM should they change their attitudes and practices, but it doesn't currently look like they can see past their own ego.
"At EA we remain proud and unbowed." -Peter Moore (CEO)
I do not consider the people that manage EA a company, so much as a parasite. They haven't killed anyone, but they certainly make me sick.
Last note: I should've had all of the containers on the Origin ship say "DLC" on them. :V
(Thanks to Jettan for voiceacting as the Maxis guy, and some help with filming.)
Music used: "Midtown Madness 2 - Vanilla" "Epic Score - They Hit Without Warning"