 The Harold Perry Show. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And now Harold Perry, as Honest Harold, the homemaker. Well, let's look in on the Honest Harold household in the little town of Melrose Springs. It's early morning now, and we find Harold just coming in to breakfast in a cheery Valentine mood. Well, good morning, Mother. Good morning, Harold. I want to thank you for that sweet Valentine you left on the waffle iron for me. Oh, did you like it, Mother? Oh, yes. Such a sweet sentiment. Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm a lucky boy to have a mother like you. Yeah, and I sure am, Mother. Did you make that up yourself, Harold? Uh-huh. Guess I'm kind of a poet, Mother. I wrote all my own Valentine's this year. Finished them last night. Oh. Yeah, here's the one I'm going to send to my boss, Stanley Peabody. Wait a little prissy pants Peabody sees this. It's dressed a dear yogurt face. Listen to this, Mother. You belong in the kitchen with the muffins in the brand. You've got a shape just like a skillet and, oh, brother, what a pan. Yeah. And I made some nice Valentine's for old Docky-ack-ack and Pete. And for Theodora, of course, I wrote a real romantic one. Oh, yes. I'll bet you two will have a wonderful time at the Valentine's costume party tonight. Yeah. Guess we'll look pretty cute dressed as Romeo and Juliet. Oh, that reminds me. I mustn't forget to dye your tights today. Oh, yes. That's right, Mother. Well, better hurry up and get down to the radio station for my morning program. When are you going to deliver your Valentine's, Harold? Oh, cousin Raymond promised to deliver them for me if he ever wakes up this morning. Well, I think he stayed up rather late last night, writing a romantic Valentine to his sweetheart, Gloria. Oh, well. But I'm sure he'll be up soon. Then he'll deliver your Valentine's on winged feet like Mercury. Mercury? Good morning. Hello, Raymond. Hi, cousin Harold. Here's Mercury. Yeah, Mercury. It's like his battery's run down. Sit right down, Raymond. I'll get you a look. Thanks. That's it. Well, my boy, did you finish composing your Valentine to little Gloria? Yeah. I stayed up till two o'clock writing it. You did, eh? Well, let's hear it, Raymond. Oh. Oh, come on now. Don't be bashful. All right. Here it is. You're a little snooky-wookie with your eyes of baby blue. I'll be your sugar cookie if you'll be my cutie poo. Very nice, Raymond. Thanks. Raymond, will you please wake up? You know you promised to deliver my Valentine's for me this morning. Oh, yeah. I'll be careful you don't get them mixed up. This one goes to Stanley Peabody. You just sneak into his office and put it on his desk while he's not looking. And this one, to a wonderful friend, goes to Pete, the Marshal. And here's old docky-acky-acks right here. And this big one is for Theodora. Oh, you got that all straight? Oh, sure. I wonder if this is such a good idea. All right, quiet musicians. It's time to go in the air. Oh, where's my ukulele? Oh, okay. Hit it, Yasha. Good morning, ladies. This is your old friend, Honest Harold, the homemaker, bringing you an hour of household hints, humor, and harmony. And now, girls, since today is St. Valentine's Day, I want to sing a little song in honor of the occasion. Love is the sweetest thing What else honor could ever bring Such happiness to everything As love's old story Love is the strangest thing No song of birds upon the wing Shall in our hearts more gently sing Than love's old story Whatever heart may desire Whatever pain this is the song Theodora I think I'll drop in to Stanley's office. That he's really burned up over that poem. He'll never guess I wrote it. Dear yogurt face. Come in. Oh, good morning, Hem. Hello, Stanley. Just happened to be passing your little door. Thought I'd drop in. I see. Hem, I've just been looking at this Valentine somebody left on my desk. Oh, that's all. Well, I wonder who it's from. I know who it's from. Oop. You do? Yes. There's only one person in this station who uses a 10-cent ballpoint pen. Oh, that. Stanley, I hope you're not mad. Mad? Why, that's one of the sweetest Valentine's I've ever received. Ha! And I was touched by the way you addressed it to a wonderful friend. Oh, my goodness, he got Pete's. And I love the last two lines. Oh. We're two old pals like Damon and Pithias. I know our friendship will always be with you. I didn't know you felt that way about me, Harold. I didn't either. Really, quite touched. Oh, shucks. You know, we should spend an evening together sometime. Huh? Maybe play a few rubbers of Lotto. Yeah, well, let's do that sometime, Stanley. Well, see you later, Stanley. And drop in the office anytime at all, Harold. We'll split a bottle of yogurt. Yogurt? Oh, sure. We'll have a lost weekend together sometime. Well, gotta be going. Goodbye, Damon. Who? Oh, yes. Goodbye, Pithias. I should have known sleepy Raymond had to get the valentines mixed up. Never trust a relative. Say, wonder who he gave Stanley's to. Spose Theodora got it. I'd have an awful time explaining that to the dear yogurt face. Hello, Harold. Oh, hello, Gloria. Happy Valentine Day. Thanks. Gloria, did you see Raymond down here this morning? Yes, I did. Wait till I see him. That boy's walking around in his sleep. Oh, that explains it. Explains what? Well, he kissed the water cooler and put a Dixie cup in my hand. Oh, my God. There's no telling who he gave that comic valentine to. If Theodora got it, she'll never go to the party with me tonight. Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, Harold. What? I know somebody who'd like to go with you. Who's that? My mother. Now, I'm very nice of your mother, Gloria, but... Well, just coming down the station to see me this morning, so if you'd like to talk to her... Well, some of the time, Gloria, you see, I've got to... What's that? It sounds like an air raid warning. If it isn't, Mr. Head. Mrs. O'Day. Well, imagine we two meeting like this on St. Valentine's Day. To his kismet. To his who's met? Mr. Hem. Fatal. Yes. Are you familiar with the ruby out of Omar Cayenne? Ha. A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and thou. Well, not today, thanks. Mother's made some meatloaf for lunch. Well, I suppose you're going to the Valentine's costume party tonight. Well, I sort of hope so. I'll be there too. Good. Don't tell anyone, please, but I am going as the Queen of Egypt. Oh, yeah. You'll recognize me. I'll be wearing a long train. Well, I'll be in tights with a short caboose. Well, maybe Theodore didn't get Stanley's Valentine. Could have been Doc or Pete. I'll drop in and see Pete first. Hello, Pete. Hello, Harold. Pete, just wondering if you got my Valentine. Yeah. I got it, boy. Ah. Well, which one did you get? The one you sent me. I like the way you addressed it, boy. To my adorable. God, you got the one Raymond wrote for Gloria. And I thought that poem you wrote me was beautiful. But you're a little snooky-wookie with your eyes of baby blue. I do declare, Harold, when I read that, I blushed clear down to my toes. Pete, will you stop being so silly? The whole thing's a mistake. And that last part, Harold, I'll be your sugar cookie if you'll be my cutie poo. Isn't that a little bit? Pete, I didn't write that. Raymond did. Well, now that was a mighty thought of you here. Well, I hardly know the boy. Party. Harold, tell him I think he's a cutie poo, too. Oh, cutie poo yourself. Well, thanks, Harold. Doc's my last chance. I hope he got that Valentine. Come on, you old horse doctor. I'm here. Oh, you are? Well, I guess Doc got it all right. That's a fine way to treat an old friend. Well, Doc, I can explain it. You see, I didn't mean to send you that Valentine. Harold, you didn't send me any Valentine. What? Oh, my goodness. Raymond forgot him all together. Forgotten on Valentine's Day by my oldest friend. But, Doc, I meant to send you one. Oh, it's all right. Who am I? Just an old horse doctor. Doc, will you listen to me? My animals didn't forget me on Valentine's Day. Why, this morning, Torrance, my Airdale, came in and laid a red-heart label right at my feet. Doc, that dog has got more sense than you have. Well, naturally, he's an Airdale. Must be some answer to that, but I can't think of it. See you later. Looks like Raymond gave that comic Valentine to Theodora. All right. Well, might as well drop into the Dancing Academy and try and explain it to her. I'll just go in. What's that sticking out of the door there? Well, it's Stanley's Valentine. Looks like I got here just in time. Just get down here in my hands and knees. Just a little corner of it sticking out. I can get ahold of it. Come here, little Valentine. Come to papa. Now I've pushed it inside. I know. I'll just reach up, open the door if you quite like, turn the door knob, easy does it. One of those door times. Why, Harold? Oh, Theodora. What are you doing down there? Checking your weather stripping. Why, Harold, you were putting a Valentine under my door. Well, you see. Let me see what it says. I bet it's something real romantic. Dear yogurt face. Nora, let me explain. I think I'll read the rest of it. You've got a shape just like a skillet. Well, that's very funny. Yeah, isn't it? Oh, brother. You see, the whole thing was a mistake. It certainly was. And you can just get someone else to go with you to that costume party tonight. Theodora, I've got my Romeo suit all ready. My tights are drying on the line right now. The bear is the door. Goodbye. Goodbye. Ah, shut up. Wait till I get my hands on Cuzz Raymond. I wonder who got the Valentine I wrote for Theodora. The real romantic one. Somebody must... Oh, God, Mrs. Day. Mr. Hemp, when I got home, what do you think I found on my porch? A box of Girl Scout cookies? No, no, a Valentine. From you wrote me such a charming, charming beauty. Look for the man in the Romeo suit. Mrs. O'Day. Turn for the second act of our story, Honest Herald, in just a moment. It's the fight of the year, Sugar Ray Robinson and Jake Lamotta for the middleweight championship of the world. Tonight? And it's on CBS exclusively tonight. All the color, all the action, these two brilliant fighters are bound to bring. Yes, they'll be here just a little later tonight on most of these same CBS stations. Thanks, Bob. Don't miss the fight of the year, Sugar Ray Robinson versus Jake Lamotta on CBS exclusively. And now back to Harold Perry, as Honest Herald, the homemaker. Well, this hasn't been a very happy day for Honest Herald. His little messenger of love, Cuzz and Raymond, has managed to deliver the right Valentine's to all the wrong people. And now Harold's love life is all mixed up. We find Romeo at home now discussing his problem with his mother and Cuzz and Raymond. Gee, Cuzz and Harold, I'm sorry I got your Valentine's all mixed up. Oh, it's all right, my boy. Harold, maybe you can make up with Theodore at the party tonight. We'll get a chance to with Mrs. O'Day on my trail. And I can't dodge her. She knows I'm gonna be in my Romeo suitie. Yes, there's just one thing to do. I won't go to the party at all. But son, you've been looking forward to it for so long. Yeah, but what the heck, mother? Wouldn't be any fun this way. I'll just stay in my little room, look out the window and watch the television next door. Honest Herald, I just woke up. It's about time. No, I mean, I just got an idea. Why don't you wear a different costume tonight and Mrs. O'Day won't know who you are? That's a wonderful idea, Harold. Hey, might work at that? Sure. What kind of a costume could I get? I wonder if they have Hopalong Cassidy suits my size. Oh, guess not. Harold, I know what you could go as. Oh, what's that? A bear. What? You can wear that old bear skin we have up in the attic. The one Grandpa claimed perhaps, shot in the polar zone. Where? You sewed the tail back on. Mother, you know, I think you've got something. Nobody would recognize me in that. Yeah. I'll go up and get it for you, cousin Harold. All right, Raymond, but don't take a nap on that bear skin. We'll just think you're going to be a bear. Yeah, mother. Guess this is my night to growl. Oh, you look swell, because just like a real bear. Really? Kind of hot in here, though. Lucky I got these bullet holes for ventilation. Oh, still, Harold. I'm sewing on your tail. Yeah, all right, mother. One stitch. One stitch. Another stitch. Another stitch. Another... Watch it, mother. I'm sorry. There. Now your tail won't come off when you twirl. Thanks, mother. You see how I look in the mirror? Yipe! Is that me? You look pretty ferocious, all right. I'd hate to have to brush these teeth every day. I wonder if I can dance in this outfit. Me, I have this waltz, mother. Why, of course. Well, mother was there with a cinnamon bear and the band played off. You held your ma and then I took your pa and the band played off. Well, this is certainly fun. I bet I'm the first bear that ever drove an Essex. I hope this bear skin don't shed on these new seat covers. Well, this may work out all right. Oop, didn't see the signal change. Oop, there's a car right in front of me. I ran right into him. Oop, there goes my headlight again. Driver getting out of his car. Here he comes. Well, Stanley Peabody. Here's where I have some fun. Of all the stupid drivers I've ever seen, it's a bear. Think I'll drop in and see Doc. Throw a scare on the old veterinarian. I'll get down on all fours. Watch him jump when he sees a bear walk in. Didn't phase him a bit. Now, just have a chair. There's one patient ahead of you. What a character. There's some old reader's digest on the table if you want to look through it. All right, little bear, I'll take you first. How did you happen to come here? Did another patient recommend me? Or did you see my ad in the phone book? Now tell me, have you ever had night sweats? I'm having one right now, Doc. This is me. I knew it all the time. I'm gonna wear this thing to the costume party tonight, Doc. Yeah, you see, I'm going as a bear because... Oop, what's that? It's Arthur, my goat. He just got your scent, Harold. Yeah, well, he can have it, too. Doc, I don't like the way he's glaring at me. Tell him I'm not really a bear, Doc. Arthur, it's your old friend on his Harold. Don't you know me? He's got his head down. He's gonna charge. See you later, Doc. Yes, Doc? Here's your tail. Thanks. Goodbye. Oop, there's Mrs. O'Day, the Queen of Egypt. Well, what I'm worrying about, she'll never recognize... Hello, Harold. Raymond, quiet. What? Mrs. O'Day will hear you. Oh, yes. How do you like my costume? I'm that famous pirate, Blackjack. Okay, well, get out of here, Blackjack, before you gum the things up. Oh, my goodness, the kid's been hitting the sasparilla again. Wonder where Theodora is. I'll see you need Juliet's. Take a look in the foyer. Maybe she's out there. She would crowd it in here, too. Excuse me. I can just... Mr., watch that sword. Admiral Dewey. Got his hat on backwards. I made it. Sure dark in this foyer. Can't see it. Somebody's sitting over there on that dye van. She's wearing a red cape. I have a red cape like that. This is my chance to make up for that. Theodora, it's your Harold Ualdee. Won't you say hello? Oh, don't be mad, honey. I can explain that Valentine. Please forgive me, darling. Speak to me. What do you want me to say, cutie pooh? Keith, what are you doing in that blonde wig while I'm a little red-riding hood? And I've heard all about you, woe. Goodbye. I wonder where... there's Theodora. Guys, she looks as beautiful as Juliet. I'll just sneak over there and surprise her. Oh, my goodness. Hello, little bear. Mrs. O'Day. Oh, my, but you're cute. Big dad there. What's the hemp? Have you seen Romeo tonight? No. They're here with you. I think I'm going to tickle you behind the ear like this. Stop tickling me, Mrs. O'Day. What? Well, yeah. Why, you naughty boy. Well, now I'm not going to let you get out of my... Because I'm tight. Tickles, I wonder what's the matter with me? Well, maybe you're allergic to bears. No, no, no. I'm only allergic to spices. Yeah, but I'm a cinnamon bear. You better stay far away from you all evening. Yeah, good idea. Or this cinnamon bear suit. Hello, Harold. I was my little teddy bear. Theodora. Raymond explained to me about that Valentine. He did. I'm sorry I misunderstood. That's all right. And just to show you I forgive you, I'm going to give you a big kiss. A kiss? Just a minute. I'll take off this bare head. I'm waiting. He gods, I forgot mother sewed it on. Then I can't kiss you. Oh, well, what the heck? Just tickle me behind the ear. A little farther back, Theodora. Yeah. You have just heard the Harold Perry show, Honest Harold. Can't get the head off them. The supporting players tonight included Jane Morgan, Parley Bayer, Olin Soleil, Eddie Firestone, Isabelle Randolph and Mari Alden, and featured Gloria Holliday as Gloria and Joseph Kearns as Old Doc Yak Yak. Who directed it? Norman MacDonald directed, and the music was composed and conducted by Jack Meakin. Honest Harold created by Harold Perry was written by Gene Stone and Jack Robinson. Remember, there are two big events still coming along on CBS tonight. Only on CBS will you hear the broadcast of the Sugar Ray Robinson Jake Lamata battle. I'm going to listen to it if I can get the head off. And now stay tuned for Bing Crosby with the lovely Dorothy Kirsten as his guest. The Bing Crosby show follows immediately on most of these same CBS stations. Bob Lamont speaking. This is CBS for you thrilled to suspense on Thursday night the Columbia Broadcasting System.