 So let's just be honest here. There's something very enticing about a person that you can't actually have. While we all know what we should be doing, sometimes the idea of something unavailable seems really exciting. Maybe it's the fantasy you want or the element of taboo, something that's dangerous, but dangerous also in a way that ignites passion. People fall for unavailables all the time. We see it from tons of women in our community. Science also shows that it's not always the taboo that we find that's the most addictive. As an article from The Business Insider explains, sometimes we desire what we can't have because one, we're attracted to the social proof, right? We want what others want because it just feels valuable. Or two, we're addicted to the highs of chasing someone, the breadcrumbs they leave us. The problem is these intents want what you can't have relationships rarely work out. Why? Because it's the imagined relationship going on in your head that's very appealing. It's usually not all what it really is in reality, right? So we fantasize about the perfection and then we're left disappointed with the flesh and blood and it's that story, whether you're chasing a married man or a celebrity or a guy that doesn't want what you want or an emotionally unavailable guy or a best friend who friendzoned you or whatever, right? So we take the idea of unavailable as a challenge and so we're inclined to chase it. And I'll bet deep down you already know that you can't be with this impossible guy. There's no way it's gonna work out and a lot of women that I talked to have already accepted it. Still the desire is there, the want is intense and we've all been there. But how do you detach and can you detach? The answer is yes, you absolutely can and that is what we're gonna be talking about today. My name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. Here are five ways to detach from a man that you can't be with. Number one is you play your own therapist and determine the reason for the attraction. It's obviously not just compatibility because there's other fish in the sea, right? So what is it about this guy that actually tempts you? Why is the timing of this relationship important? What was the precise moment when you realized that you had feelings for him? Like what are you getting out of being with this guy? How does he make you feel? Significant, excited, centered, connected and more importantly, how can you replace this experience with something else? If you just try to detach, it usually doesn't end up working out and so you need to replace whatever you're getting with something else. You can get your needs met through other means if you figure out which needs are being met by him. All right, so if you're here with us right now, make sure you say hi in the chat and let us know where in the world you're watching this from. It's cool to see so many women from all over the world watching these live streams with us. So number two is objectively analyze the situation. Understand why your feelings developed is a very important step to detaching, right? So try taking an honest look at who he is and why he's not actually the fantasy man that you've built him up to be. Oftentimes in these unavailable crushes, people create like an idealized version of the real man that they want to fall in love with. So they love the fantasy, the idea, but later they end up finding out that the real guy is not anything like the fantasy was and this can quickly cure somebody of all romantic notions that they've had and you may have experienced this with guys before where they're like really hot at the beginning because they have this kind of idea about who you are that isn't actually you. And then all of a sudden they disappear at some point because they realize that their idea of who you were in their mind isn't actually who you are. But you don't have to wait until the relationship is doomed in order to realize what's going on. You can start looking now, look at him objectively, look over his life and hear what other people have to say about him. You know, is he really the man that you think he is beyond the physical intimacy? What actually do you guys have in common? All right, so number three is release all of that pent up frustration by letting out your emotions. So go ahead and confess your love not to him, but confess your love, your grievance, your rage, everything, write a letter, record it, sing about it, whatever you need to do. The solution here is not to tell him because you already know what he's gonna say. The same thing that he always says, if you're even actually connected to this guy in real life, because sometimes people will get connected to somebody and they're not even in communication with them. It's happened with women with me before where they'll contact me and I'll have like an inbox full of messages from them. And I'm not even responding to them. It's like we have a whole relationship in my inbox, right? And it's not even with me. It's just them talking kind of to themselves. So you're gonna write this letter and then just rip up that letter or lock it away somewhere so it won't ever be found, but you still may need to say it or hear it for yourself. So if you need to do that, you can always do that. Some people like to do kind of rituals with these kinds of things where they'll like light a fire and then burn it or whatever, right? And let go, let go of it. Whatever you need to do to just let go is the important thing to do here. So if you get what I'm talking about right now, say I get it in the chat. If you don't get what I'm talking about, go ahead and ask some questions about it or you can ask questions about your situation. I'm gonna be getting to the questions, whatever questions you have here in a minute and I'll be answering all of them about whatever you wanna talk about. So all right, number four is detach slowly, not cold turkey. So one day at a time, try to focus on other things. So trying too hard to forget him all at once usually makes it really, really difficult. And a lot of people have a hard time doing that. Some people it works, right? So you have to figure out what works for you. You have to have a pretty strong kind of willpower in order to do this though, if you wanna do a cold turkey. Instead, just live one day at a time and gradually wean yourself off of his presence even if it's like really little steps at a time. So stop checking messages every day, stop writing him on weekends, progressively interact with him, fewer times as days and weeks go on. And like we talked about earlier, replace your interactions with him by getting your needs met somewhere else. So what are these needs that you need to replace, right? Is it feeling like you're special and important and significant? Is it some kind of excitement that you're having? Is it this connection, this feeling of love, right? It's feeling like you're connected to somebody. Like what is the, is it like the feeling of comfort like you have something figured out and you've got this thing, right? Figure out what those things are and start replacing them one by one. Whatever they are for you with this guy. So over time, your feeling will start to stall and his lack of attention together with your distraction will soon end up curing you of kind of this connection that you have with them, right? So maybe you won't end up completely forgetting about him but you'll eventually realize that you both have very different lives and that you've kind of created a separate identity from him which is something we're gonna be talking about here in just a second. So what works in theory won't work in the real world, right? It's time to get busy living your own life. And so we're moving on to number five which is reboot your own life, look beyond him. So it's time to look for a new beginning after the fact, after this guy whether he's a crush or an ex or whatever it is that he is, right? Focus on what you want to be and what you want to do with your life. Focus on building an identity in a life outside of him. So researchers have found that when you're with someone your identity starts to mold together and you start to feel like you're one person. And then what happens in a breakup is it feels like you've actually lost a piece of yourself. And so one of the fastest ways to get over somebody is to start doing things that strengthen your identity, that strengthen who you are as a person and who you feel you are. So you start focusing on building. So when you're with them, right? You're focusing on building a life together and you dream of what things could be like together. And so instead what you want to do is start focusing on building your life separately from him and start dreaming of yourself independent of him in a better relationship or by yourself or whatever, right? This will help you take back your identity as an individual and start feeling the separation that exists already exists between the two of you. And if you set your mind and heart to it you can do absolutely anything. Yeah, even a relationship you crave but it's impossible to create. You can break free of that, right? In the end, you'll end up being proud of yourself for resisting a disastrous idea for sparing yourself the grief of a bad decision that you are just getting deeper and deeper and deeper into and you deserve better and you will find it. You are worth more than staying with someone who isn't gonna take care of you and your needs not to say that they're a bad person or anything but you deserve something more. You deserve more than being an option. You deserve more than getting breadcrumbs. You deserve more than just being not getting your needs taken care of and taking care of somebody else's needs. So remember that, absolutely. If you have any questions right now, ask them in the chat. Also, if you're interested in healing and getting over somebody, I have a program it's called the Breakup Remedy. You can check it out at commitmentconnection.com forward slash break up. You can go get the program there. It's a great program. Lots of women have used it and they feel a lot better about themselves and their lives and everything that's going on with them from using the program. So let's see what kind of questions and comments we have here in the chat. Lots of hello's. Hello, hello, hello. Hello. Interesting topic says Connie. Well, thank you. I hope it's interesting. Hopefully it's useful. It's very valuable. That's what I want. What I want is to bring you guys as much value as I possibly can with these videos. And so hopefully that's happening here. So let me know if you find this video valuable. If you do, give it a thumbs up. If you're just watching this, make sure to subscribe to the channel and click on the bell notification so you get notified when I am going live. All right. So Robin Reed says, you have a soulmate and no other information. Okay. Doop, doop, doop, doop. Let's see, what questions do you guys have? CJ says, I totally needed this. Always spot on and always on time. Thanks, Matt. You're welcome. I hope that's, I hope it's really valuable. Alma says, I pull myself back. I stop contacting them. Absolute. Doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop. You see? You, you, you, you, you. Says, if you have a long distance situation and see but nothing has been spoken about. Okay. So if you have a long distance situation and see but nothing has been spoken about, what are we or what we want in the future and he is giving mixed signals, what should one do in this kind of a situation? What you should do is you should be following my program, the forever woman. That is ultimately what you should be doing. Specifically what you should be doing is you should be asking questions from the very beginning about different things, right? You're in a long distance relationship. So there's, if you're not actually seeing each other, I don't know much about your situation. But if you're in a long distance situation and you haven't seen each other before, if you haven't actually met each other before, then what you should assume is that you guys are not exclusive, that you guys are seeing other people. You can assume that that person is seeing other people and you want to make sure that you ask questions about what this person is looking for. You want to make sure that you're meeting up in person and you actually get to know this person in real life and make sure that they are a real person, that they're not a scammer, that they have good intentions, that you guys actually get along in real life, right? Because one of the things that happens with long distance relationships is they will be long distance, right? You meet long distance or online or whatever and you're talking for a long time and then you meet up with each other and you're like, this person isn't anything like what I saw in the picture. They aren't anything like what they kind of projected themselves to be. And so what you want to make sure that you're doing is connecting with each other in real life and making sure that this person is a person that you actually want to be with. And then the next thing that you want to do is make sure that you're not investing in him any more than what he is investing in you because what ends up happening a lot of times with women is they will, a guy's like talking to them and they get really interested and then they start getting emotionally invested. And the more emotionally invested they get, the more connected and more attached they end up feeling to this guy. And then the guy's not even sure if he wants to be with this woman and this woman's already committed, she's already thinking about what kind of babies they're gonna have together and where their wedding's gonna be and where they're going on their honeymoon, right? And this guy's like, I'm not even sure if I want to be with her. And so what you want to do is make sure that you're creating abundance for yourself, right? You're coming from a space of abundance and not a space of scarcity. So a space of abundance of men, right? Abundance of options, abundance of connections. So being connected to a lot of things. So you're not coming from a place of feeling like you need to get all of your connection and all of your needs met through this guy who's not even actually committed to you yet. So my suggestion is you go and get my program because I talk about everything that you need to do in the program, how to make sure you protect yourself, how to make sure that you get into a situation where you're loved and seen and cherished by a man, how to grow love with him, how to connect with him in a way that creates a powerful deep emotional connection that turns into love. So you want to go get that, it's at theforeverwomanformula.com. So go check that out. Okay, so Star Garcia says, how can I move on mentally? I know I deserve better and I'm done but why am I just always getting sad about things he's done to me? You're getting sad about things that he's done to me because you're focusing on the things that he's done to you and you're focusing on the things that you don't have and the guy, right? So you have to shift your focus. You have to change what you're focusing on. You need to start focusing on the things that you want in your life and not just turn your mental, mentally focused on them but also feel them, right? Think about the things that you want. Start, you want to start making progress towards it. You want to shift your focus and then start making progress towards what you actually want, right? So like we talked about in the video earlier, what you want to do is reestablish your identity and build your sense of identity back up into a separate person and then shift your focus onto what it is that you want, the kind of relationship that you want, the meeting other men, building abundance of connection and options and creating a life that you absolutely love because then it'll be like, do I want to go back to this guy that made me feel bad? No, I want to go to this life that I absolutely want and you'll be driven towards it and you'll be moving towards it and that guy will become, you'll disappear in the background. It'll flood away, right? It'll flood into the sea of stuff that you don't care about anymore. Ryan says, I once fell deeply in love. Believe it or not, it was over 20 years ago. Why can't I let go and move on? Well, Ryan, what you got to do is like what we talked about. Do all the things that we've been talking about here, reshift your focus, right? Build a new connection. Build, you know, figure out what it was about that falling in love that you really, really enjoyed, right? What made you feel alive about it? What made it such a significant thing, right? You might never forget about it and you don't necessarily need to forget about it. You just need to replace it with something that's as good or better than what it was and it's not impossible to do, right? It's challenging in this world right now. We live in the world of the hookup culture so a lot of people are looking for superficial connections and all that kind of stuff but a lot of people are moving away from that. A lot of people specifically right now are starting to move away from that because they crave real connection. They crave being with somebody great and you can find somebody great. All you have to do is make sure that you're meeting new people and connecting with new people and making sure that you're getting your needs met in other ways. Lots of I understands. Francine says I started dating someone who lives two hours away. He video chats every day but only when he is on a walk or driving. He doesn't sit down and talk to me as a priority. Hmm, hmm, Francine, hmm, hmm. BH says question, keep pulling away and come back. Saying, thinking about us without sharing what this is. How do I deal with this? Well, you decide what you want, right? My guess is that you're asking about this because you don't want to be in a situation where a guy pulls away and then comes back and says he's thinking about you guys but he's not telling you what he's thinking about or any of that kind of stuff, right? It sounds like what's happening is you're getting breadcrumbs and you're getting in this situation where you're not getting your needs met and it feels like he's kind of all over the place and what you need to do is, one, you have to figure out what kind of a situation you're in since I don't know how long you guys have been seeing each other or any of that kind of stuff. It kind of depends, right? So if you guys are in a committed relationship, it's a little bit different than if you're just kind of initially seeing somebody. If you're initially seeing somebody, you have to decide whether this is something that you want to deal with or not and if it is something that you wanna deal with, then what you need to do is, one, start mirroring, right? That's what you need to do when he pulls away is you pull away and, two, you need to decide whether this is something that you wanna deal with or not and if it's not something that you wanna deal with, then what you need to tell him is you need to set some boundaries and tell him what it is that you want and what you're not willing to deal with anymore and if he's not willing to start making sure that he meets your needs and connecting with you, then you need to decide whether you actually wanna be with this guy or not, right? So if this is a committed relationship that you're in, then what you need to do is have a real conversation about what's going on with him. So if you guys have been seeing each other for a long time, you're committed, you're with each other and you know that you're with each other, then you need to sit him down and talk to him about what's going on with him and find out what's going on because if he's committed to you and you're not just casually dating each other and he's running off seeing other people and stuff, then you need to find out what's going on with him, right? Is it stress, is it, there could be a whole bunch of different reasons, right? I did a video recently about different reasons why men pull away and you need to find out what's going on with him so that you can kind of get on the same kind of same playing field and you know how what's going on with each other and you can start learning how to communicate with each other and you can talk to him about how you want to be communicated with in a way that makes sense and works for you. That's what you need to be doing. All right, let's see, let's see, let's see. Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of comments. All right, so Star Garcia says so true and for some reason I feel bad for leaving and doing what's right for me. Everything I was having to ask for should have been done naturally and it wasn't too much yet. And it's one of those things you also have to remember, Star, that a lot of people don't know how to be in relationships. And so you can't ever just assume that things just should be a certain way because if you assume that things should be a way and they just happen naturally, what you're gonna run into is that people have different backgrounds, right? So I came from a background where my parents were a mess, right? They had no idea how to communicate with each other. They were fighting, yelling at each other. My mom was living in a separate room, right? Like my dad was like hammering on the floor in the middle of the night to wake her up. My dad was like pulling my brother up by his hair, from the basement and stuff. We had an incredibly dysfunctional family. And if you think that I'm gonna show up into a relationship when I become an adult after this and suddenly know how to be in a relationship, you're wrong, right? When I became an adult, I had no idea how to be in a relationship. And so I had to learn, I had to learn everything, right? And it wasn't even until I started getting into the women's dating industry, the women's dating and relationships side when I started learning so much more about what relationships really should be like because I just heard it from the guy's side for a while and you're like, oh, well, women should be doing this, right? And then you jump on the women's side and women are like, oh, men should be doing this. And you're like, wait a second, those things don't exactly line up. And the reality is, is that we all have different ideas about how relationships should look. And we have different imprints from our parents, from previous relationships, from past hurts, right? So if you get into a relationship with somebody, if a guy got into a relationship with a woman and she treated them like garbage, which happens all the time, right? She's cheating on him and getting drunk and flirting with other guys in front of homes, it's one of those things that you have to realize that next time he gets into a relationship, he's gonna be freaked out, right? And so there's a lot of different variables here where you think things should just happen naturally. But really, you need to talk about the things that you want and you need to share with him how you'd like the relationship to look and the things that make you feel loved and the things that make you feel attracted to him because he probably doesn't know these things, right? And if he's been in the men's dating side or he's been on dates with women in the past, a lot of the things that you think that you want and that you think men should be doing, a lot of them have done and it's actually backfired in their face, right? Like the whole getting women flowers things, right? There's tons of men and if you're in the dating industry at all and you're in the men's side, you know that one of the number one pieces of advice that men are told is to not buy women flowers, don't buy them drinks, don't overly do a whole bunch of things for them because women tend to take it for granted, right? And that's not true if a woman is attracted to you but most guys when they're in a dating situation they meet a woman and she's not attracted to them yet. And so he does all these things, right? And it's different when he's dating than when he's in a relationship but guys tend to look at dating advice and not at relationship advice. And so a lot of times they'll take the ideas from dating and try to use those in a relationship but a relationship's a totally different thing than a dating situation and things that don't work in dating oftentimes are exactly what you need to do in a relationship. And so you have to realize that a lot of guys are confused out there. There's a lot of guys that have no idea what they should be doing or what you think they naturally would be doing. And so you have to communicate what you want and what works with you and what makes you feel loved and what makes you feel desired and what makes you feel attracted. And you're far more likely to get what you want if you communicate what you want. If you don't communicate what you want just expect that he's not gonna do what you want him to do unless he happened to have the same upbringing as you and just kind of figured it out somehow, right? Which is really uncommon these days, really uncommon. All right, let's see, what else do we have? Anonymous Facebook user says the forever woman has helped me get out of this. It was like an addiction. Well, I'm glad the forever woman helps you get out of it but you can also get out of it using the breakup remedy at commitmentconnection.com forward slash breakup. But if you want to use the forever woman, the forever woman is my flagship program. For those of you who don't know about it, you can get it for free. Go to the foreverwomanformula.com, watch the video there. You can get the program for free. It gives you the most important things that you can possibly know about dating in this day and age to make sure that you're valued and loved and seen by a great quality man. You end up in the great relationship that you want to be in. Janie says, Janie says, I've detached and am working on myself. He won't leave me alone. Yeah, I mean, what you might want to do is just block them and all that kind of stuff. I mean, you know, it's one of those things sometimes people won't, right? They're getting their needs met from you, right? A lot of times it's the same with the other way, right? They're getting all their needs met from you and yet they're not willing to step up to the plate and create the relationship that you want to have or they're afraid of facing their fears and pain from the past and looking into that and healing. And so what they do is they just string you along and you need to make sure that you're getting your needs met first. You need to make sure you're getting your needs met. You need to make sure that you're protecting yourself and you need to make sure that you're valuing yourself because you're worth more than being bread crumbed in a toxic relationship or a casual friend with benefits situation when you want something more. And so don't settle for something less than what you know in your heart you deserve. That's my suggestion. Jade says, everything you are saying, I fully understand. I'm glad you understand that Jade. Cici says, it is very valuable and literally right now I'm gonna break up. He flew out Thursday. All right. Shelby says, incredibly valuable. Well, I'm glad you're finding this valuable Shelby. That is my whole thing. Galaxy Samsung says, how to get over a cheater? Do the same things that we've been talking about, right? Like if you're trying to get over somebody, what you need to do is rebuild your sense of identity and who you are as a human being. If you have any questions about that specifically, ask them. Jenny says, how do I encourage him to move on and accept I've moved on? Well, what he does is really none of your business, right? Like I said, you can block him, you can just, my suggestion is that you ignore him completely, stop talking to him, stonewall him, put up a big wall around him and go, I'm not connecting with him. I'm not feeding into his nonsense. I'm not responding to him. It might end up taking months, but eventually he'll end up giving up. Ideally, if you don't continue to connect with him, right? If you continue to connect with him, you're only feeding into the problem that you have. Irene says, he didn't want to FaceTime or phone call because he says that he don't prefer that and feels distant. What should I do? Is this a long distance relationship, Irene? Have you met this person? Depends on your situation here. Amy says, I've sent four emails and messages through Facebook about a program I purchased and never received no response. Sure, Amy, what you need to do is you need to contact support at commitmentconnection.com. So stop, you know, if you haven't, you know what, I'll check on you because you said you sent out four emails. I'll check on you. One of the things that you wanna do is check your junk, your spam email. Usually what ends up happening is women will send us an email and our support will respond back, but sometimes it ends up in your junk mail. And so you'll wanna check your junk mail to make sure that you've received the response because our support is, she always contacts people back. So it's, if you haven't seen it there, check in your junk mail, I'll check on you later and make sure that you're getting taken care of. And if you're not, I will make sure to get in contact with you and send you the information you need. We were also putting together a chat right now, a 24-hour a day support chat because for some reason, some of the emails don't end up making it back to people and it's ridiculous. So we're gonna work on that and hopefully we'll get you taken care of here, Amy. And I'm sorry that happened to you and we will make sure that we get this taken care of. So, all right, Catherine says, how do you deal with it if you work together? You know, it can be difficult. It can be difficult if you work together, but really all you have to do, all you have to make sure that you do is just have as little contact as possible. I know it can feel excruciatingly painful for a while if you work together and you're always seeing him and you're just like, oh my God, this is driving me crazy, right? But just do all the things that we talked about and just have as little contact with him as you possibly can. Janice says it is very valuable and informative, awesome. So I like to hear. Felicia says my soon-to-be ex-husband has already monkey-branched into a fast-moving, live-in relationship. I'm not handling it well at all. That's sorry to hear that, Felicia. Nadia says your eyes are so kind, topic always spot on. Well, thank you. Thank you for the compliment. Thank you, Nadia. Christine said he dumped me with two girls. How can I forget him and move on? You need to do what we've been talking about in this video is you need to recreate this identity for yourself, right? You need to re-solidify the identity that you've created. Go back over this video and watch the video over and over and over again and take notes and then do what I talk about in the video because this is scientifically proven stuff that will make you get over your ex. It is the fastest way to do it. If you want more, you can always check out the Breakup Remedy at commitmentconnection.com forward slash break up. Dorothy says, when I'm nice to my guy, he starts taking me for granted and only communicates a few texts if that. It's so irritating being taken for granted. Do I have to be non-caring always? No, but you do need to lean back until he's committed in your relationship. That's the first thing you need to do. The second thing you need to do is stop focusing on texting. Like so many women are like, hey, how do I build this whole relationship through text? How do I get him to text more often? And you can do that, right? You can build a relationship over text. You can get a guy to start texting more but it's incredibly painful to do that and you're far better off meeting in person and building a relationship in person than trying to get him to start doing something that he doesn't want to do, right? So instead, what you want to do is when he's kind of pulling back, which is what you're calling taking for granted, what you want to do is pull back as well. And that's why it feels like, it feels like when you don't care, he cares more, right? Because you're using human dynamics there, right? You're pulling back and when he's pulled back and all of a sudden he starts coming forward and you come forward but then when he pulls back, you're going forward again. And so what ends up happening is you're like, oh, he's taking me for granted but in reality, what's happening is there's a wave, right? And you're far better off to mirror him and pull back when he pulls back because when you do that, it'll be a much shorter period of time before he comes back to you, right? So I don't know what pulling back means to you, whether it means that he stops talking to you for a day, he stops talking to you for a couple of days, he's whatever, right? But what you want to do is make sure that when he's like not initiating, he's not texting as much, that you're not texting as much, you're not initiating. Find other places where you're getting connection, stop trying to get all your connection through him, right? If you're not in an exclusive committed relationship, you should be building abundance within yourself and creating an abundance of options and an abundance of connection with people, with other men, with animals, with family members, with friends so that you're not completely dependent on getting your needs met through him. It's very important, very, very, very important. Francine says he is a very busy, successful man and doesn't make time for me. He drove to my home twice in the past month and we had a nice time visiting. Well, is that what you want, Francine? Is that what you feel like you want in a relationship? If it's not, then you need to decide what it is that you want and start focusing on that. One of the biggest things that happens is women come to me and they're like, okay, there's this guy, right? And I'm totally attached to him and I'm trying to make him do all these things, right? But that's what a person who doesn't feel like they're valuable does, right? A person who really feels like they're valuable, they stop trying to force somebody to do something and they say, hey, I'm worth more than this. If you're, you know, this is what I want. They communicate what it is that they want with the person that they're seeing and then they say, you know what, it's fine if you don't want to give that to me, but I'm not going to settle for anything less than what I actually want. And then what they end up doing is they pull back and they start seeing other people and they start finding in their life what they want. And if that guy decides that he wants to step up and create the relationship that you want to have, that's great. If not, that's fine too, because there's lots of men out there and there's plenty of men who want to give you a great, amazing relationship. And so what you wanna do is make sure you're with somebody who already values you, who already treats you well, that you communicate what you want and so that he knows how to give that to you. And if, because if he doesn't know how to, what you want, then he might end up doing what a lot of other people are doing, which is pulling back and playing hot and cold and all that kind of stuff, because he doesn't know that you're a high value woman who absolutely knows what she deserves and isn't gonna settle for bread crumbs. And he needs to know that. He needs to be afraid and scared out of his mind that he's gonna lose you if you want a great relationship. And I'm not saying that you should manipulate him or try to tell him that he's gonna lose you or any of that kind of stuff. He has to feel that way. He has to feel that if he doesn't step up his game and start acting the way that you want him to act in order to create the relationship that you want to have, that you are gonna be taken away by some other guy who's far more willing to see your value and give you the things that you want to have in your relationship. You are worth more than that. You are worth what you want in a relationship and you deserve it. And there's plenty of guys out there that are willing and happy and thrilled and can't wait to have a great relationship like that with a woman. And so my suggestion is that you stop messing around with guys that are unavailable, that aren't giving you what you want, that are toxic, that are, you know, all these things that women complain about being narcissistic and Peter Pan syndrome and, you know, you know, whatever, right? And instead find a guy that is actually gonna treat you the way that you wanna be treated instead of being like, oh, okay, it's this one guy and I'm attached to him and that's it, right? Detach yourself. We just talked about how to do it. If you need more ways, you can check out the Breakup Remedy at commitmentconnection.com forward slash break up, but make sure that you get into the type of relationship that you want to have a relationship where a guy treats you well and connects with you and loves you and cherishes the ground on which you walk. Was that a rant? Does, did I, did I run off on a rant here? All right. Janice says, so if you're with them and they, and you ask questions and they won't answer you, they're very quiet and silent. Should I be concerned about the silence? Absolutely, right? If you ask a guy questions and he doesn't answer them, what was the question about, right? Is he answering other questions? Right, why wouldn't he answer that question? There's usually a good reason. There's a good reason for everything. And so you wanna make sure that you're not putting yourself into a situation where you're being taken for granted and you're getting into a situation where he, your values aren't aligned. You don't wanna be in that situation. All right, let's see. Mickey says, he says I have expectations and that's preventing me from being happy with him. Is there such a thing as having no expectations? Absolutely, right? And it's one of those things where, so it depends on what you mean by expectations. If you mean expectations like what we talk about, right? Expectations like you expect that a guy is going to do all these things. And if he doesn't, then you're like, why didn't you do these things that I wanted you to do or whatever, right? That's one kind of expectation. Another kind of expectation is that you know what it is that you want and that you're not gonna settle for less, right? So the first kind of expectation is I want you to do this and usually what this looks like is women will be like, why didn't you pull out my chair? Why didn't you open the door for me? Why didn't you, whatever, right? Which is a very painful way to connect with a guy, right? And if you have expectations around that, right? Or like sometimes women will have expectations around texting where they'll send a text to a guy and they'll be like, hi. And the guy's like, hi, back. And the woman's like, why isn't he texting me more often, right? And it's like, because he doesn't know, right? Because you sent him a hi, right? And so if you want something different, you have to communicate what it is that you want. And if you have expectations, you have to figure out whether they're expectations or whether they're standards, right? Is this something where you're nitpicking over little things or is it something where you have communicated what it is that you want? You know what it is that you want. You're communicating what it is that you want. And he's deciding to not live up to those standards that you have, right? So absolutely, you can have no standards, right? Or no expectations, right? You'll be a lot happier when you have no expectations because what will end up happening is people won't disappoint you if you have no expectations, right? And it's pretty difficult to not have any expectations at all. However, you'll experience a much more enjoyable life with no expectations, but having high standards, right? So for instance, let's say that you got on a date with a guy. And you have an expectation that he's going to pay for dinner, right? And then he doesn't pay for dinner. Well, you expected him to pay for dinner. And so now you're angry that he didn't because he's not living up to your expectations. Whereas if you have no expectations, but you have standards and he doesn't pay for your dinner, but your standard is that you want to have a man who's a provider and who pays for your dinners and who treats you that way, right? And he doesn't do that. It means that you're not upset, right? But what it means is that he's not living up to your standards. You can still be happy. You can still have a good time and you're still enjoying yourself, but he's not living up to your standards and that's okay because not everybody's gonna live up to your standards. And instead you're gonna find somebody else who does live up to your standards. You're gonna communicate what it is that you want, you know? And there's nothing wrong with what he did by not paying for your dinner, right? We live in the world of strong independent feminist women. And so it's becoming more and more expected, especially in the West and the United States more so than anywhere else that you will pay for your own dinner, right? Because you're a strong independent woman and you don't need no man for nothing, right? And if you run into a guy who feels that way about kind of the world or he doesn't really have a lot of money or he's been around a lot of kind of feminist women who are offended by a guy paying for their meals, then he might expect that you're going to pay for your own side of your meal, right? And so you have to decide whether it's something that controls you or whether it's something that doesn't control you and you let it kind of wash over you and you just let it pass you by. And that's kind of the difference between standards and expectations, right? And it's maybe that wasn't the best articulated but I hope you kind of get what I'm talking about here. So BVH says question, if he keeps pulling away and come back and I state it's not cool, he apologizing but keeps happening. He says thinking about us but not sharing. Yeah, we already talked about this, BVH. You have to decide whether this is the kind of relationship that you actually want to be in, right? This is, you're looking into the future and you're seeing what is going to be happening. And what's going to be happening is you're going to be with a guy who is going to pull away and come back, right? It's like people that show up late, right? People that show up late, I mean, you can try to force them to show up on time if you want to, you can't, absolutely. I've done it before, right? I'm one of those people that shows up on time or early for everything. I was a military guy, I'm a military veteran. I usually show up 10 minutes early to everything. And one of my best friend in college was actually this guy, right? And he was late to everything, right? He was one of those party dudes. He's always listening to music and just having fun. And sometimes if you would show up on time, he would leave just so he could come back and show up late, right? That's how bad he was about showing up late. And for a while, I tried to force him to show up on time and it rarely worked. And all it did was create stress for me and it was painful. It was painful for our relationship. It was painful for everything. And so at some point, I just figured out that he's gonna show up late all the time. And so I would give him times where he would need to show up 15 to 30 minutes before when I actually wanted him to show up, right? So if I wanted him there at six o'clock, I'd tell him 5.30 or five sometimes because he was real late. I don't know, he was Mexican. He always told me it was because he was Mexican. I don't know if that's true or not. But I know that he shows up late all the time. Was that the racist comment of the day? All right, so let's move on. The point is that you shouldn't try to force him or manipulate him into doing things. Instead, you should just accept him for who he is, right? And let him know what it is that you want, find out what's going on with him. And if he keeps on doing that, you have to either come to the realization and the acceptance that he's gonna do that all the time or you need to find somebody else, right? Or both, do both of those things. All right, so Jackie says quite unusual, my ex broke up with me. We both realized we lived too far long distance from each other because we can both see why it didn't work. We both, we have both agreed to be friends. He texts me today and said, and I said I am still healing and the friendship is okay with me. We get on so well. I am not hoping now for any romance. Somehow I am okay about the friendship. I do wonder though, is he regretting it a little, the breakup? I wouldn't assume that at all. I wouldn't assume that for a second. All right, Dorothy says when he's here, he says he doesn't like texts exactly. Just like what we're talking about Dorothy and wants to talk on the phone, but when he goes back to Canada, he texts. We've been seeing each other. That's probably because it costs money to call from Canada. You might want to teach him about Skype or Instagram, video chat or FaceTime or something. He wants me to come to Canada. We've been seeing each other for over a year. He wants me to come to Canada. Very interesting, very interesting. Michelle says, hello from Toronto. Looking good, Matt, as always. Well, thank you. All right, let's see. Jackie says, PS, your word abundance has gone to my head. I'm texting four guys. Can't keep up to get over the X above. Well, you don't want to, I mean four guys is a lot of guys to be texting. That's a lot of dudes to be texting, right? At some point you're like, okay, what did I text him and what did I say to him and who's John again? What did we talk about when we were hanging out? So you might want to cut that down a little bit to like three, right? Probably three, Max. So one of the things that's going on right now in the world is we live in the world of the hookup culture. And we're having a lot of challenges. Our culture is pushing superficial relationships on all of us, right? And so a lot of women are having a challenging time. Women who want to be loved and they want to be valued and they want to be seen in a relationship. They're having a really difficult time getting into the relationship that they want. Lots of guys are pulling back. Lots of guys are saying that they just want to hook up. Lots of guys are disappearing on them. And really, so I put together a program about how to attract the guy that you want to have into a relationship where he loves you and he sees you and he connects with you. And this is a very well researched program and lots and lots of women have had great results from it. We have women that are getting married from it all the time. We have women that are getting into relationships with their soulmates. We have women that are turning around marriages from using this content. We have women, there was a woman the other day in the community that was talking about how all of her friendships and all of her relationships to everybody in her whole life have gotten better from using the stuff inside the Forever Woman program. And so the Forever Woman formula, which is what this is based on is based off of three things. One, it's about believing in your value, believing that you truly deepen your soul, that you deserve something great because I know that you know that you deserve something great but you really have to believe it. Number two, it's about positioning yourself in a position of value, right? A position where men are afraid that if they don't step up, if they don't improve their game, if they don't do what you want them to do, that you are gonna be taken by somebody else and they're gonna lose their chance to be in a great relationship with you. And number three, what you need to do is communicate your value. And communicating your value is what most women come to me about, right? They wanna find out what to text a guy, they wanna find out what should they say to a guy, which are incredibly important things, right? And one of the things that a lot of women use is this forward text message that I have when a man pulls away, when a man's ignoring you, when a man's not talking to you, when he's gone cold, all that kind of stuff. It's a text message that gets his attention and makes him realize that he's made a mistake by pulling away. And if you're interested in getting that text message as well as my entire program for free, go to the foreverwomanformula.com and get a copy of my program there. I promise you won't regret it. It is amazing, you can get it for free. And if you decide you wanna stay a part of our program, you can stay and get coaching and get more content on how to have the relationship that you've always wanted. Thank you so much for being here with me today. We have some of the most amazing, beautiful, awesome women in the world as a part of our community. And I am so blessed and I'm so honored to be serving you and helping you create the relationship that you've always wanted to have. So thank you so much for being here. My frog Fritz says thank you for being here. I hope that wasn't weird. Anyway, I've gotta go get going. There's some pigeons that I need to go pet, but I will be speaking to you again soon. Thank you so much for being here and always remember, you are worth it.