 Image in the in the video. Yeah, absolutely. That's fine. I think that's a great idea. Just let's let's talk about confidence for a minute Let's let's do this. Let's let's run around the room and let's just talk about Let's each one of us take a minute and a half two minutes and talk about what we think about Confidence something we could show from a body language perspective that would give us confidence that we could tell everybody to use You don't do that. Yeah All right, Greg, why don't you go first? So I when you're talking about confidence Let's talk about it in fake it till you make it because if you're not confident Then you're gonna be worried about what you're doing what you need to do is project open this project that you're comfortable We often say that the most powerful person in the room is one who moves the least We don't mean you don't walk you stand against the wall. We mean you don't fidget you don't do a lot of that So what we need you to do is to open get your chin up to normal level like that Parallel to the floor and any insecurity that's in your body. Just let it flow through your feet That's a really powerful tool and if you don't have those today You can create some subroutines for what you think confident people do and practice them until you start to feel more safe What we know is that doing those kinds of things will make you feel more confident because your thinking brain will come back online when you're under stress and What I suggest to people all the time is start with a low stress situation and build your way up Because the first time you walk in front of you know an audience and start doing this You might feel weird But if you don't think anybody's watching you're walking through a mall doing it You'll probably feel okay, and we all after all build on process what humans work When you remember when you're talking to that guy we're Dr. Phil's and we talked to yeah for some reason we're talking to a witness or something or a jury person jury member Yeah, it was a jury member. He was a jury member in the Murdoch trial I'll do something while you're standing right here in front of me stop for a second and curl your toes in your shoes Just do that you feel that When you feel I'm go walking Your brain what's happening with it that whole all those hormones that come out and you're scared start turning off the way And I'm sorry when I said let it flow through your feet what I mean is I've been doing this for a long time And I coached lots of executives and people who are uncomfortable in front of other people You know whether that's a earnings call or whatever else when a person feels that stress if they'll curl their toes in their shoes You're wearing shoes nobody notices the other thing is simply remembering Greg Hartley said do this chase Hughes said do this Mark Bowden said do this Scott Rouse said do this You're bringing your thinking brain back online and in effect what you're doing is short-circuiting The adrenal flow and all of the impact of adrenaline and fight or flight on your brain because you're taking control back So try it remember fake it till you make it open let all of your insecurity go into your shoes curl your toes in your shoes and Practice give yourself permission to fail and do it over and over and over you'll get good Yeah, and the two biggest mistakes that people make two biggest mistakes number one is confidence is about permission and Giving yourself permission because no one is gonna come tap you on the shoulder and give it to you You give yourself permission number two the number one way to ruin your confidence is to think about or worry about Status or hierarchy with other people just stop worrying about it And if you want to compare yourself to other people or challenge yourself Here's the one thing you can do is challenge yourself to move Slower than everybody else in the room just move slower. That's it You can still burn off that energy like Greg said by squishing your toes in your feet and remember that if you're walking into a Rolex store no one knows how much money you have oh, they're gonna go off of how you're acting So whether or not you have like some big platinum card in your wallet or not is gonna be rooted on how you're behaving because nobody can See that so the permission is within yourself and give yourself the role of being the most Comfortable person in the room. Can I out comfort the other people mark? Yeah, just so you know if you're walking into a Rolex store you should have been on the list like years ago You're not Anyway, but but go in have a browse have a browse and I mean what a great thing actually go into a Rolex store Have a browse because they haven't got any to sell you anyway So so you know give yourself permission to just walk around knowing that actually You should be more confident than they are because they have no supply and they've done it to themselves now Here's what I would suggest is make sure you really complete your actions And here's why confidence look there is one argument to say confidence is something that you have There's another argument if you talk about the word confides with trust It literally means with trust feed a trust on with with trust is that other people must trust you For you to be seen as confidence My guess is is that's probably what you want is is not only your own confidence But you want to be seen as confident they need to trust you So they need to know that you will do what you're suggesting you're going to do and they're seeing that in your movement So if you make a gesture out make sure that gesture completes if you go to have a drink make sure my lord make sure you complete That because if you go to have a have a drink and your You You don't reservation Right, it's like what's going on with you like if you can't decide whether you're having a drink or not How can I trust you with my thoughts? How can I trust you with the relationship? So have a objective in mind and complete that objective in the most Direct way you possibly can don't be indirect Be direct complete your gestures and then at least other people will feel your confident They'll feed that back to you. That will give you more internal confidence Here's what I'd say is is don't start so much with yourself because you've got to battle your own thoughts Start externally and there'll be all kinds of people who disagree with this But start externally because it's the fastest most effective Intervention into how you're thinking and feeling is from the external world not from the internal or spiritual World Scott what are your thoughts on it? I agree with all that one thing when I'm training people to When they're undercover officers one thing you want to do is train not to be completely confident There's some things that that that I show them how to do how to look like you're not the most comfortable So you don't stick out so you don't stand out because you're supposed to be a drug dealer You're supposed to be somewhere. You're not supposed to be You've got to sort of blend in so the things you do you keep your shoulders down and you may look around some Fidget around your pocket scratch in places that you wouldn't normally scratch because you don't care if anybody's looking at you're not You're you're not Acting as if somebody may be looking at you you do those types of things and you make all those little perky jerky movements and stuff and and maybe not move around so much you draw attention but move move around enough So it doesn't look like you've got your head together and you're thinking one time We were in a restaurant in Nashville and I looked over into the the bar area We're eating and I saw a guy standing there He looked like the most confident guy in the world and I realized this is somebody I'd trained before and I knew I and he Wasn't there to to hang out in the bar with and and meet women or have drinks or whatever He was there working and I knew that and so I walked up to I said hey man And the last thing you want to share for your cop is you remember me Because that means you do you either rested or you've done something and there's you're probably gonna end up With a situation when so I walked up and said hey, man, you remember me. He said No, I said I'm the one that taught you not to stand this way and act this way I said you're gonna get us all killed in here, man. You got to be careful You used to you're standing out like a dang red flag up in here. You've got to stop this You've got to remember your training so when you come into a situation like this You don't look like that you're a cop you you're two number one It was too clean. I was like dude you look too good. Not that some aren't clean That's not what I'm saying But in this situation he to look like it was a little rough and he didn't and he was showing all the things of confidence He was standing standing up sat up straight has head up like this He wasn't moving a whole lot when he didn't look around he looked like this Whoever he was talking to was looking at him straight in the eyes He was talking to him the whole time didn't blink a lot a whole lot nothing who's in all the classic Cues of confidence and I said this goes against everything about I wait for the other guy Once the situation had had that he was dealing with it was gone That's what I approached and I said you you gotta stop doing this man You're you're this whatever you just did I'd I'd get rid of that Oh that that connection because that's gonna raise a lot of red flakes for that guy as well They know what to look for if you look too confident It's not gonna work. So when you're looking confident You will look the opposite of what what I'm training people look like most of the time is not confident in those things So like everybody else in here has been talking about you got to be still you got to talk at us at a solid level You got to don't make your voice go up and go down and all those kind of things as you're talking and when you're talking to someone Look at them. They're the only like like Bill Clinton does. They're the only person in the world. That's how you that's that's charisma that and people Mistake a lot times confidence for this really great charisma and stuff But it's not if you just look at someone when they're talking to you try to blink a lot Don't stare at him like you're a psychopath or anything. Don't get a psychopathic stare But engage with them when you engage with make sure they're the only person in the whole world Those those are things I would suggest for confidence