 I say this. Seasoning and stuff, we say screw it. We just do it. We just season it however we want to season it. Oh god. I think that's a bad idea. Jay asked if we need help. Jay's a bard. I hope he knows how to make a turkey. Actual lifesaver. Wait, they made a turkey? Wait, they made one? What are we doing then? So I was wondering what was going on. Why can't we just get Chipotle and just call it a day? You know, how about Chipotle Thanksgiving? Well, it's fine because we got to cook something anyway. We'll just have a lot of turkey. I'm cooking a turkey regardless. Do you have any herbs? I don't know. I have peanut butter. He wanted to inject his with just water. I was just going to jam it full at Tony's. The only thing we're doing is Chipotle sauce. Chipotle sauce. Anything from Chipotle is good. Other than that, and Tony's. Whatever you want to chop up. It's a billson of thermometer. You don't have a thermometer. We don't know how hot it is. Yeah, but apparently we have a turkey. After this whole thing. We have a turkey this whole time. And we're going to use a recipe for that one. I'm going to go off the cuff. Can you show you how to remove the ass parts? No, you do it. I'll tell you how. Okay, now this thing, the boner. You pull it out. Alright, just reach your hand in there. Oh, my God. Is that a turkey? I don't know. That's turkey cock. I actually think it is. No, that is way too great. See, there's like a bag in there. That's the heart. Why is it got a bag inside of it? Oh, you know, that's for the stuffing. Is that a cover of the turkey? Yeah, that's inside the turkey. You get like the stuffing in the neck. You have the liver, you have the heart. Is there as much ice in there? What do I do with ice? That is a 100% turkey dick. What business does a turkey have walking around with this? Well, because it doesn't all avoid. It doesn't ever go full. Okay, so let's get some salt. Salt, pepper, extra virgin olive oil. Two tablespoons, just... Yeah, that's about two. So just kind of coat it a little bit. Yeah, let's use that one. That's expensive, so Finn probably bought it. Tony's will save it. Look at the way it speaks to it. Look at that, dude. The feeling. The technique. Oh, shit. I've never done this before. That's not how you're supposed to be. Yeah, there's going to be a hole now. Okay. Whoa, what do we use the meal for? He's injecting the turkey. With tonics. I'm getting turkey here. I'm telling you, dude, you just put a little bit of Tony's in this thing. Have you ever gone with the injectable Tony's butter? This is my first time. How much am I supposed to pump this thing full of Tony's? Well, I mean, you're just going with the flow, right? I'm just shoving it in every nook and cranny of this thing. At least it's butter. It's because it's like seasoned butter. Yeah. Dude, it's crazy. Whenever I pump it, you see the muscles expand. Wait, this isn't even butter. What is it? Is this butter? This is supposed to be more of a dipping type of sauce butter. Hey, don't worry about it. We're good. That's probably enough. I'm dreading and excited to taste this turkey. That's probably enough salt. We'll do the salt-making. Do this. Give it a little finish. Oh, that's a mess. Inside of it a little bit. You can't believe you all call yourselves Texas. And you're embracing are the only ones trying to get me. I'm from Pennsylvania. I'm from Kansas. I'm from California. I'm from Arizona. I'm from Texas. No, no, no, no. That's too much. Look, you cracked it. You broke it. I literally shook it so gently. You broke it with your enormous overstraps. There's a special technique to it. No, no, that's too much. Put it like half. And trust. No, no, no, no. Like that. Watch, watch, watch, watch. Ready? That's exactly how I was doing it the first time. Oh, my goodness. It's like an animal. Finesse! Wow, lots of finesse. Okay, now we flip. Ready? No, dude. I'm gonna lift the legs. Tammy, you get the undergrowth. Ready? Oh, the undergrowth? And just kind of splash on there. What is this angle? No, shoot it in there. Push it, push it. Yeah, perfect. One thawed whole turkey preheat oven to 475. Nice. This is what you roast or break. So it doesn't need to be roast or bake. This is roast. Does it matter? Oh my God! What is in there? Why is it smoking? Did you guys not clean it up before you used it? It doesn't need to be clean. Okay. And that's how you make a god damn turkey right there. That's right. Should I start doing anything to this? She went to go grab some briefings for my store. What is that? She went to get onions and garlic. Oh my goodness. Here's gonna be the important part of this. Because it's going to happen is the lemon juice, the apple stuff, is all going to be coming going into the juice of the water, right? And it shouldn't burn. Shut it. If we have both in there, the problem is it's going to take away from the heat of this one. No, no, it's two. Yeah, it's double barrel. Are we ready for it? Oh my God. It doesn't fit. Hold on, I got this. Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it. Ready? Okay, we're going to... You clamp it up? Okay, ready boys? Perfect. You didn't buy potatoes? It's instant, man. Yeah, we just got whatever we need. Okay, heat up water, butter and salt. Okay, so salt we need four and a half tablespoons of salt and one cup of butter. How much is one stick? What does it say? Okay, so two sticks. Okay, how much is four tablespoons? Is that enough? I think you need way more than that. Really? You can always re-salt it, you know. Okay, so once this starts boiling... Look, Chad, I store all of this content and I store milk. Mmm, mmm. What? These are flakes not powders. Wait, did we put salt in here? They look like potatoes, kind of. Let's hope none of this... Too much, way too much. Dude, you're going to stir the whole thing, though. I know, but you have to like... You know what I'm saying? If it's too much at once, then it's not good. What? Because it has to get an even spread. These are good mashed potatoes. This is good. Can you taste the tonies a bit? You can taste, dude, this is good. They're just um... They're thick. They're not dead yet. It's good. We want it nonstick so you don't swallow and you start choking. What the... Who does that? Somebody... One more look, Chad, one more look at the turkey. Turn the light on. Wow, looks good. That looks amazing. That's going to be good. Yeah, it'll be fine. See, there's no smoke. Excellent. What about this one? Is this the Thanksgiving event? Dude, this is the saddest Thanksgiving... The saddest Thanksgiving... We have mashed potatoes that are... uh... instant mashed potatoes. The name isn't a turkey lobster. We're just sitting here. We only have a turkey don't you?