 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of johnathanasley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, he doesn't value me. Is he ever going to change? How can I get him to change? What will it take to get him to change? All right, change. Really quickly, if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new content. I shoot about three or four videos per week. All right, our topic, he doesn't value me. How am I gonna get this guy to change? Okay, really quickly, I gotta turn off the vibrate on my phone. By the way, you might notice the shirt I'm wearing. This is actually from a Burning Man party I went to. And if you're not familiar with Burning Man, do me a favor and Google Burning Man. I don't even know how to describe it. It's a great event. I haven't been there yet. I'm dying to go. I went to a party. But this was the shirt that I wore for it. Okay, let's talk about men that don't value you. All right, so I recognize that many of you might be in a relationship where you don't feel valued by a man. You don't feel valued by a man. And it's primarily because a lot of men lack intentionality in the dating process. In other words, they don't have a real intention or agenda associated with them because they're only seeking companionship, connection, and sex. Companionship, connection, and sex. So they literally start with a level of without direction. It's hard for them to value you because they're not even sure that they know which direction they want to head in relationship. But because men and women alike are craving this companionship, connection, and sex, they'll do the bare minimum to be in relationship. They'll do the bare minimum. In fact, I like the way Esther Perrell talks about something in it. She has a book called Mating Incaptivity. Mating Incaptivity. But she has a topic called Stable Ambiguity. That's people that are doing the bare minimum in relationship. But we want to shift to choose those men that are going to do more. Now it starts by valuing yourself. Now I know that sounds very cliche to value yourself, but the reality is how can someone value you if you don't value yourself, right? This is why I'm such a big proponent of getting my book What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway. There's a link below to Jonathan recommends books. All the books I recommend are linked below. Oh, by the way, I've had people ask me about my bracelet, the blue bracelet. The other bracelet says I'm enough, but the blue bracelet is for my son Connor who passed away. That's my son Connor who passed away. I know many of you follow him, you know that. But I had someone recently ask me about the blue bracelet. So I just wanted you to know. It says Connor, the years he was born, it says rest with love. Okay, so let's come back to that. And by the way, he was the inspiration for my book What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway. What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway. So how's a man going? What's gonna make him change? What's gonna shift him to value you? First it's valuing yourself. It's leaning into yourself, leaning into your sovereignty. You know I'm not a big proponent of leaning back when he doesn't value you because that's a cat and mouse reverse psychology type of game. The only way to get a man to value is to smack him upside the head and say value me motherfucker. Excuse my French. I know that's coming across hard. But it's stepping up and saying look, I wanna be valued in this relationship and I have some ideas of how to progress this relationship further. I have some ideas of how to progress this relationship further. This is one of the reasons why I'm a big proponent of recommending John Gottman's book, Eight Dates, Eight Dates by John Gottman. Now I wanna share with you with one of our one of our followers wrote, one of our YouTube followers wrote. She said, oops, Jonathan, brilliant video. I listened to your advice. I gave the book to him. Now he wants us to follow the guidance from the book Eight Dates. It's a wonderful book. I appreciate your recommendation. We found out lots of stuff we thought we knew about each other, but now we didn't. This book recommends for couples is great and it helps create a serious conversation for a lifetime of love. I truly believe it. Ladies, the only way you're gonna get him to value you not only is valuing yourself by saying this is the standard I want in relationship. And if you're gonna allow that penis into a vagina on a regular basis, then you have every right to say, I wanna be in a relationship that is co-created, in other words, it's two people intentionally co-creating this. Now I know many of you are gonna go, oh my God, that's gonna scare a guy away, but here's the bottom line. You're only going to be scaring the wrong guy away because just as I said in my book, if it's sincere and from the heart, and by the way, when I say smack him upside the head, I'm just metaphorically, I'm saying from a sincere heartfelt place. If it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right guy. You'll only scare away the wrong guy. Now I know many of you are holding out for that Prince Charming type. That man who will claim you and be chivalrous and knows what he wants and you're shooting for that 10%, especially because you're listening to a lot of these princess type coaches that say that you should be claimed by a guy. And yes, there is that small percentage of the population. And yet just like this woman who wrote here, she didn't have that Prince Charming guy, she had an average guy. But you know what? He valued her and he valued her enough to go, I'm gonna listen to your book recommendation, I'm gonna follow this because he was an emotional grownup. And if you need help vetting for emotional grownup, schedule a discovery call with me because I can help you learn how to vet for those guys. That's the guy that's going to value you. That's the guy that's going to go the distance. But it starts by valuing yourself and saying, this is my standard. These books I recommend, like especially this book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, you have to get this book to learn how to communicate more effectively. Men and women are bad at communicating in relationship. So if you wanna make a shift in your life, you're gonna have to start within yourself because expecting men to be these Prince Charming types, these alpha male types that know what they want and everything, it's such a small percentage and ladies look, I do this for a living, that's why I know this stuff. Most guys I know are effing clueless, but they're not bad men, they're just bad daters. And so if you wanna make a shift, it starts by shifting yourself and then making requests of what you want in relationship and I highly, by the way, this is only one of a dozen emails I've gotten by women who have followed this advice, introduced it to the guys and these guys want to make those, they wanna make that shift for, because men want this too. Men need this desperately and you are the emotional leaders of the relationship. Stop giving the job to men. All right, you get the gist of where I'm going here. If you have some questions, please post a comment below. If you like the shirt, please post a comment below. If you like the bracelet, let me know. Okay, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do, giving myself a big gigantic job and bear a hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to somebody and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we all need more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch, wishing you a fabulous day. Bye bye now.