 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com. I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, how anxiousness over a guy can bring you deeper love, deeper love, deeper love. Do you want deeper love? Let's have deeper love. All right, really quickly, if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new content. I usually shoot about three or four videos a week and feel free to post a question in the comments for a video that you'd like me to shoot. So definitely post a question of any type of video you'd like me to shoot. Okay, how can anxiousness over a guy bring us deeper love? I think this is a great question. So let's lean into what is anxious behavior and what triggers anxious behavior. So anxious behavior is also associated with needy behavior. When we're needy towards someone, when we need someone to love us so we can feel good about ourselves. Wait a minute. We need someone to love us so we can feel good about ourselves. That's what neediness is. It's that, so what triggers neediness? He's hot and cold, he's wishy-washy, he's slow, he's passive, he's uncertain, he pulls away. Those cause, for those people that have what's called an anxious attachment style, I don't have my book attached. But if, check out the book attached by Amir Levine so you can learn more about this. But I often talk about the book attached by Amir Levine which talks about anxious, avoidant and secure behavior. But if you're following this video you're already familiar with anxiousness. You get triggered when the guy you're with isn't validating your feelings on a consistent regular basis. Well, wait a minute. The guy you're with isn't validating your feelings on a consistent basis, okay? So God forbid for one moment he's tied up with something, he doesn't call, he doesn't text, he's, it's funny. I was talking to a woman the other day and she goes, I've been consistently talking to my guy and then he went silent one day. Oh my God, one day he didn't communicate with her and you would've thought her world was falling apart. You would've thought she was just gonna dive off the pier with an anchor tied her, you know, her ankle because the guy didn't call. And it turned out later he just got wrapped up with work and he just wanted to chill and just didn't wanna speak with her. But yet she made her whole life dependent upon hearing from him every day and ladies, this behavior is going to drive you nuts and drive you crazy. So how is anxious behavior gonna cause you to experience deeper love? Well, here's my invitation for you. Anytime you get triggered by a guy on his behavior, that is a sign to focus on yourself. That is a sign to focus on yourself, okay? It is not about him, it is about you and there is only one way to heal this and to experience deeper love and that is with self love. This is my book called What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? The link is below if you wanna check it out. This is the only way to experience deeper love because if you're not experiencing deeper love for yourself, if you're not experienced deeper love for yourself, you can't really love another because you're gonna be constantly pushing him away with needy behavior because that's what anxiousness is. It's the need to be validated by someone else so you can feel good about yourself. And I'm here to say, learn how to feel good about yourself and add to someone else's life. And if the guy is wishy-washy, if he's slow, if he's passive, you've gotta examine why does this happen? What's most likely going on in his life? Did he experience childhood wounds and traumas that caused him to have negative patterns and limiting beliefs as an adult? Did he have an adult trauma like a divorce that was very contentious? Or he has an ex-wife that's still beating him over the head, not figuratively, but literally, emotionally over the head. Does he have issues with children? Does he have issues at work? Is he struggling financially? These are all the things that cause men to be passive, slow, wishy-washy, uncertain is when the ground underneath him doesn't feel solid. And so when the ground underneath him doesn't feel solid, he can't fully give to the relationship. But here's my invitation for you. Do you really wanna be in relationship with a guy whose ground isn't solid underneath him? Because he's gonna, when he needs to retreat within himself to regroup for himself, and it triggers your abandonment issues and trust issues and all that stuff, you're not really prepared to be in a relationship either. This is why self-love is so important as well as as I always talk about healing childhood wounds and traumas. And if you're not familiar with the book, The Hoffman Process, check it out. This is an extensive book. This is gonna take you time. This could take you months and months and months of inner work. So you don't always find yourself feeling anxious because of what somebody else does. And ladies, stop giving your power away to men. You literally go, here is my life, you're in charge of it. Cause that's the way you act when a guy disappears on you is as if he's in charge of your life. Stop giving your power away to men. That's not gonna lead to a healthy, happy relationship. I'm here to encourage you to be empowered within yourself because doing the feminine lean back to get him to come back to you ain't gonna work. You gotta work on loving yourself. And that's what I mean by deeper love. Learn to really love on yourself because when you do that, you can actually enjoy a juicy, delicious relationship, a partnership with someone someday. And if you work with a coach like me, you can vet for those guys that can meet you in that same space because part of the problem is you're choosing the wrong guys that trigger you all the time. So A, work on yourself. B, vet better for men because here's the bottom line. There's an old saying, how can you love another until you love yourself? We never fully love ourselves fully. We're work in process or progress, whatever it is. So work on yourself. That's my invitation for you. Love on yourself because when you do that, you actually become a magnetic attractor for the right guy, the guy who's ready to go the distance with you. But it starts with self love first. And that's the deeper love. I invite you to experience if you have an anxious personality type. Wow, I was out of breath sharing what I did. All right, you got the gist of where I'm going. If you'd like some help, schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. And if you have a question, please post a question. I do my best to read all the questions and I try to respond to many of them as well. I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off, giving myself a big gigantic self love hug from Jonathan. I'm gonna give you a Jonathan Bear hug. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone else and give them a Bear hug as well because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks so much and wishing you an awesome day. Bye-bye now.