 Dean where he loves you so much and he just wants to give you a big hug and from our heart to yours. We're so glad that you're joining us for hope today. I'm here with Tom and Anna and we are going to talk about a subject that impacts a lot of people that you know are desperately searching for love. Yes for that special someone the future husband, future wife and my question for you today is have you ever written a love letter or maybe received a love letter from someone? Well these letters spark within our hearts a sense of nostalgia tender affection and the blooming potential of the future to come. Imagine writing love letters to the man in the future who you will one day marry but have yet to meet. That's precisely what our guest Callie Logan started doing when she was 18 years old and in just a few minutes she'll join us to share her love letter journey while waiting for God's best. Tom we are in a season where we're seeing more and more people in their late 20s 30s still waiting praying longing for their spouse. That's really true and I think in a generation actually generation before me and I'm a couple of generations back but a generation before me a lot of people got married very young you know and it's not happening that way so much anymore and really it's it's probably next to serving God it's the most important decision you're going to make you know who you're going to marry because you are joined then you are one and it's such an important thing to entrust the Lord. I know this is something I talked to my girlfriends I have two really dear friends so I'm 35 they're turning 36 and they're still waiting they're still you know searching and holding out hope to find the one and the husband and so I know and might like as a millennial right now it's a very big thing I know a lot of people if you're out there you're like you've done the swipe left swipe right with the dating apps not really like a favorable place to be right now but this is a serious thing and we do see you know in our culture right now when it comes to marriage that people are getting married a lot later in life we're having children a lot later in life and so this is definitely something that's on a lot of people my generation this is a very common topic that I hear all the time so I'm really glad that Cali is with us and I understand you know the waiting it's it's it's not it's not easy out there it's not how it was back in the day Tom hey well back in the day it wasn't that easy believe me but thankfully God is faithful to bring the right person along and I was I'm not going to start preaching here I know you got to be the right person too hopefully you know before you are looking for the right person but we'll just leave that for later anyway I want to mention uh something today is voting day and please go out and vote go out and vote for godly people for christian people go out and vote for people that represent the values uh that you hold as a christian I just want to remind you of that it's easy when it's not a presidential election it's easy to let some of these voting days go by so please take advantage of the freedom that we have to vote and be sure that you do vote that's right it is a privilege for sure so well our guest today Cali Logan when she was just 18 years old started writing letters to the man she would one day call husband without knowing him she began praying for him and sharing stories from her own life and today she shares many of her letters with us in her book Dear Future Husband she joins us now to share what God has taught her in the waiting so Cali welcome to hope today hi thank you so much for having me on I'm so happy to be here it's such a joy we know you're gonna bring a lot of hope to those single men single women out there and so tell us well you were 18 what inspired you to write that first letter you know I have thought about it and as much as I would like to say I think it was me I think genuinely it was a god idea I think at the time I didn't know it was a god idea at the time it just seemed like life was changing so fast and I wanted to somehow kind of encapsulate all that was going on like a message in a bottle to share that memory with a spouse one day but I really do believe that was something that God kind of prompted my heart to do have you always been a romantic like is that sort of what sparked that in you that oh just kind of dreaming day dreaming that teenage girl about her future husband and I'm just wondering if if there's a romantic side in you that's caused you to continue writing these letters throughout the years not necessarily as odd as it is that I wrote a book on marriage I used a teenager I wasn't even sure I wanted to get married and it was my senior year in high school I was with a group of gals and they were all talking about their questions and different things and I was very serious and I said well how are we sure if we're supposed to get married and if we are I don't want to waste my time just on all these these random guys I want to just be praying for and focus on what God has and so I began praying kind of in that way and I actually started writing letters like a few weeks after that but I I have a romantic heart for my love stories but I definitely am not in that kind of hopeless romantic rom-com kind of story so tell us a little bit about your personal journey throughout your 20s your 31 now you are still still waiting for your husband and so has it been a bit of a roller coaster ride going through seasons of feeling hopeful and then maybe feeling hopelessness take us through some of those real emotions yeah it really has been a roller coaster and I think one of the biggest things I've learned is just how good God is and how intentional he is and growing us and not giving us the things that we think we want when we want them there were definitely things which in me that I know I can stand just so much in gratitude that he's worked out things he's healed from childhood lessons I've learned through relationships that were just not his best and all those different things and so I stand in such a place of just really being thankful but he has given me that time to get to know him more intimately and really place him as first love and also just become a better version of myself a more healed version of myself a happier version of myself along the way too yeah talk a little bit about that just having Tom mentioned it briefly at the beginning but just about how important it is like God is preparing our heart just as much as he is preparing the heart of the one that we will marry talk about that deep healing what God did in your heart what he revealed to you about himself to give you that that confidence in who he made you to be yeah as you know we are broken people and all of us have wounds not a single one of us has gone through life and especially reached adulthood without something that has impacted us or hurt us or that needs that loving hand of a father to repair us and I'm really grateful and that God really took me into a deep season where I didn't do a whole lot socially I wasn't dating at all and it kind of felt like almost like an underground time period but I've done so much inner feeling within me and I came to know him more intimately so he had a Christian therapist that was really helpful too and on the other side of it it was hard going through but on the other side of it I came out with such a better understanding of knowing God personally as father knowing Christ personally as bridegroom and honestly it has been the most worthwhile time it was hard to go through and it wasn't easy but I'm so grateful that he took me through that sanctification if it took me through those refinements because I also learned this is who God actually made me to be not everything everyone told me I was supposed to be and not everything everyone hoped I would be but instead everything that God told me I am and I'm really grateful for that and I love that you said that poem of just that experience of going through and becoming I think there's that best version of you and I think there's that you know God ordained his daydream of who you would be as well. Kelly I love that I love that you know you're putting the right priority on on letting God have his way first in your life and and to take his rightful place but I'm just interested in these letters I mean what are you writing in these letters I mean what's in there I mean what I mean how many letters have you written? Well so for my personal ones there's there's about 300. The book is not 300. I don't know who what guy is living up to these 300 letters and I just have to know like what kind of things are you writing in there? You know it's a vast array I think primarily in the book I wanted to make sure I didn't make this a memoir because the book isn't about me at all I am just a great very grateful vessel to carry out a message from God for his children and so the letters are filled with vulnerable experiences that I think women and and men alike will find relationships that they thought were you know they thought in themselves were best and God said nope that's not my best for you or times of just feeling lonely and fatigued and sad of feeling that strain of it is really hard but it's the holidays and yet again I'm sitting here with an empty seat next to me at the dinner table but then there's also big milestone events of you know being a graduation or a job promotion or kind of finally figuring out some some big marker or cornerstone but there's also tips and things of and maybe there are some things that God needed to work out of me because the person that God has for me in particular needs that I cover talking about relearning how to manage conflict as a child you know you're taught one way and you witness those around you and how they manage conflict but there's a difference between not and then perhaps how God lets you to manage conflict and so I go into that in one of the letters so it's kind of a survey of all those things there's also some quirky funds it's happy little memory things as well just the servicing forage man it's it's not all me there's maybe a few potatoes in there too you know Kelly just hearing you about like the letters that you're writing to husband I know there's a lot of us as women we have those moments we write to him I know there's a moment I even prayed for like my future husband as well and but I just want to ask you because something that you spoke of and you just touched on because I think it's a very real thing you know being in your 30s and waiting on God waiting for that spouse but the heartbreak that when you're in a relationship and you think could you you know that maybe this is going somewhere and then it doesn't happen can you just share like any moments of like when you experience heartbreak in the disappointment because I have girlfriends where they're you know dating a guy things are going along well and then you're thinking maybe this could be it and it's not that's like a hard it's a hard place to be oh it is and my heart goes out to one of them who or anyone who are experienced in that or just feel that dissonance within them that maybe something isn't quite right you don't have that godly rooted peace and you're just waiting for for the time when he'll still yank that out but I remember in particular and I do cover this in the book there was a kind of a situation if you will I think the millennials have really cornered the market on having situations instead of genuine relationships there but I had really liked this guy on paper he looked absolutely perfect we got along super well we have similar humor my friends were all rooting for it and it seemed like it was going to go really well but there was just nothing within that didn't give me an absolute peace and so I really began stardust I was really praying about it and I woke up one morning and God dropped the bomb on me and said he's not my best for you and that was hard because I had to grieve everything that I was hoping it potentially could be and then also grieve everything that it would not and have faith and trust God that he would carry me through and that there was something else and something better that that implied that he had a best and that this wasn't it and so that's a hard place to be but I think letting yourself grieve that letting yourself go through the emotion and just bottling it up and sweeping it under the rug is important but I think too looking at it from an angle of hope that okay you are a good father who gives good gifts and so I'm going to trust that you have something even more glorious than I can even potentially imagine and if this was good I can't wait to see your bow thank you for your transparency and sharing that and you know just being very real about the low feelings the grief that you have to go through but as you walk through that grief to hold on to the truths of God's word and his promises to you. Callie I want to ask you do you feel like our society or maybe even the church more than society idolizes marriage? I do I think as well meaning as the church is and I think at times society tries to be well meaning with it as well to kind of have that almost Disney fairy tale happily ever after and they look at marriage as almost this end all be all you know think of movies in the market and how you you crave to see you know the guy and the gal get along in the end I don't think there's anything apparently bad about it but there is when we place that of more importance than our relationship with God because by definition an idol is anything that we're saying is more important than God and when it comes to relationships it doesn't have to even just be a relationship it can be just the idea of having that you know house with the picket fence and everything it could be that for this season the next season it's oh well I really want a baby or I really want a job it's anything that you're saying is more important than God and God makes it really clear that he's a jealous God for our hearts and truly and genuinely when you have the opportunity the beautiful opportunity to know him ultimately you see that nothing on this earth nothing on this planet no fame no wealth no person is ever going to satisfy the way Jesus does and so I think that's where we have to do a good heart check in be really honest and bring that before the Lord and if he's not first then he's last and we need to take it to him and say God help me I want you to be first and I want you to be my best Callie you know when that best comes along there's still going to be a lot of knockdown drag out situations just just letting you know okay I married the best possible woman in the world for me and she would probably say the same thing and there was a bit a lot of dragging each other along and various things and fights and forgive them just saying how it really is here you know I mean I just want everybody out there to realize that's part of it I feel like I feel like jeed jeed is probably texting you right now we could I mean she texts she says this is a good show so you know everything's going good there we go yeah I mean let's just speak into that too because I think there's this mindset that life begins once we're married but truly like I haven't heard Sydney mention this very recently that like the wedding day somebody said it's like it can be like a funeral day because that's when we start truly I understand because I'm like I'm 35 and I understand it my heart is just like I but somebody did tell me it is like a funeral service you know it's like you go to the altar and it's like a part of death and so but I understand the the chasm that is between like there's this yearning of like I don't want to be by myself anymore I want to have you know be married and have a family and all those things and then it's the other side like girl I'm going to keep it all the way real I was like what did I get myself in too seriously I was 29 I'm on knees in praise but my friends that I talked to know about this too but we just appreciate your your heart and your transparency about this because this is something in our culture a lot of people talking about like right now especially as millennials I think like marriage yeah marriage begins to show us our own selfishness and our own things that we have to die to ourselves and live for what the Lord has called us to um can you just speak into that about for for anybody who just feels like well life really doesn't begin until I get married I think oh my gosh like that would be sad I do think that would be so sad if life didn't begin until you got married because I think your worth and value are not dependent on if you are in MIS and MS or MRS it is totally dependent on God and there's just such a joy in that and I think too just recognizing that you have this really specific timeline for your life and all of that begins the minute you take your first breath you know and and that's where life really begins please think about I think if life really began when we got married we'd be born married you know there would be some very interesting cataloging system where you would just be born with a spouse but God has so much more and that's not to diminish marriage they're just to say that God came to give life and life abundantly Jesus did in John 1010 I've been thinking a lot recently about abundance and what that really looks like and I think abundance is living life fully and the highs and the lows and the good and the bad and all of that begins with your first breath you know yeah amen I mean truly Kali you are 31 and you are living into the person God made you and first and foremost he made you to have relationship with him and you are experiencing him as your first love and then enjoying life as the woman that he made you to be while you enjoy his presence and so we just want to say thank you for your heart for your transparency I know that many singles will be able to relate to the letters of dear future has been a love letter journey while waiting for God's best and God truly does have the best out there for you and each person who is still praying for that special husband or wife so thank you so much for being with us thank you so much I appreciate it God bless you guys God bless you all right well we got to take a quick break but as you can see we are passionate about this topic we all have different experiences and so we're going to continue to bring it right after this in this month of Thanksgiving we're excited to send you the special daily gratitude journal with your best gift this easy to use journal will encourage you to bookend each day with short personal reflections that bring insight and intentionality to your busy and always changing life how can six simple questions help you better navigate life's uncertainty bestselling author tish oxen rider invites you to lean into the rhythms that each morning and evening offers with a twice daily thought exercise focusing on gratitude truth grace and more as you reflect on three key questions near the beginning and end of your day you will be more poised and prepared for whatever God has for you in the hours between request your gratitude journal today when you give call 888-665-4483 or donate online at ctvn.org slash donate thank you for giving to cornerstone television we are super excited that you're joining us for hope today because even during the break the three of us have just been talking and bouncing off and like tom was like it's about working real like we need to talk about this and we are fired out because we need to talk about the state of relationship so tom please share your heart i know you were revved up and ready to go just look i was just my own story super shy growing up and not not really dating or anything and i just entrusted it to the lord at one point when i was finally you know really serving the lord it was like god i'd like to be married i'd like to have a christian girlfriend i ended up meeting jean and she's the greatest woman on earth and as she thinks i'm a pretty good guy and so i think that we have a great relationship i know we do but that doesn't mean that it's uh not going to be knocked down drag out sometimes it has been not physically here you know just uh emotionally there there's real tension you've got who said uh you have a one sinner marries another sinner pretty soon you have a whole bunch of sinners in the house you know it's like we all uh you know and we all love each other but there's passionate things that happen that are going to pull on our flesh at times and and we are going to have to work those out iron sharpens out as we always say at our sister's sister show here but that that is not a fun process all the time right yeah i think um what i would what i would encourage you with is when god says in his word to be equally yoked like that oh that is such a good principle um because there are so many different things that have to be worked out in a relationship and when you're both when you both have jesus as the center of your relationship then you are uh looking for his direction for what the holy spirit is saying and um like with my experience so i am in my mid 40s i went through the tragedy of seeing a 20 year marriage implode and so then after i got married at 20 years old so i was very young and then in my 40s i'm like back into the dating scene and i know there's some of you out there who are back in that you're navigating you're trying to figure things out and believing that god does have that person out there who is exceedingly abundantly beyond anything that we can think or imagine and he does not want us to compromise um our standards our values knowing that he does have our best in mind and it's in his time and in his way and i mean this will be my first official little announcement that i i have i have a wonderful man in my life that i've had for the past year and dentists i bet you're watching i'm like dentists way to go dentists and it truly is beautiful to see how god does redeem really uh tragic situations and just the joy that i'm experiencing we haven't had any dragouts you know like you got lots of time for that to happen yes i love this conversation so much and we just we're just grateful that you're tuning in and you're watching and listening to us because we all come from different perspectives and you know just even listening to callie story like i can relate i remember being you know in my 20s and i think because there's this lie let's can we just let's just keep it all the way real you go you get you go to college you get your job you try to meet your husband have the house of kids and it don't work out that way right and i think a lot of like my generation we realize like crap is falling apart i have all these issues i'm waiting on god you know i'm trying to wait for the right one and it's hard and my story in college like oh i was like in love with like i was this guy and that guy and god would say no i mean i have all these crazy stories where i like i can't even go there it's not even i another time i might have to go into the story but even there was a situation like i was dating a guy and we were going to pre-engagement okay i thought i was gonna marry the guy when i first came to cornerstone and they know here i thought i was gonna get married to this guy and it didn't happen and i was heartbroken and i was devastated i was like oh my gosh and then i just had to wait more and praying and then you know got married to my husband jake and so i've just been on this journey but i understand the waiting and there's a scripture in the song of solemn that god gave me in my season of waiting and don't awaken love until the time is right that it is so important that i believe like having god in my process like there was men listen i understand what she's saying on paper they look good on their face look good and god said no and i said come on jesus what's going on but it's so important to have god in the midst of it because guess what my mentor revan dion she told me that she's like marriage is two people who love god who love each other and you gotta have jesus in the center of it because we all know after that wedding day i don't care what nobody say it is tough it is hard in the center i don't know people who don't have jesus in the center even make it because you got to have someone that you're both you know reaching towards and i just want to say this look i said something about be the right person look when you're married maybe married now you got to have that other person that other person needs to have the freedom to follow jesus in that relationship don't suppress each other don't like uh you know shush each other down everybody's gotta they've got to express themselves and they gotta follow passionately jesus and when you follow jesus get that get that triangle thing if you're over here and jesus is in the center and you're following you're getting closer to each other as you get closer to jesus okay so let your spouse be the person they were meant to be i'm not going to preach right now because this is okay so one of the best pieces of advice that i got is to get before you start dating be okay in your singleness and the person that god made you to be and work on your healing like cali said because when a whole person comes together with another whole healthy person you multiply each other and what god wants to do through you as a couple on this earth but when like a half a person gets together with a half of person you like suck life out of each other and it depletes what god has planned for you as husband and wife so keep pursuing god pursuing healing pursuing his best for you because he loves you he wants you to have that special somebody but he wants to be your special someone first thanks for being with us have a great day