 CHAPTER 9 TOWN AND TADGERS Surely there never was, in any other borough, city, or hamlet in the world, such a singular sort of a place as Tadgers's. And surely London, to judge from that part of it, which hemmed Tadgers's round and hustled it and crushed it, and stuck its brick and mortar elbows into it, and kept the air from it, and stood perpetually between it and the light, was worthy of Tadgers's, and qualified to be on terms of close relationship and alliance, with hundreds and thousands of the odd family to which Tadgers's belonged. You couldn't walk about Tadgers's neighborhood as you could in any other neighborhood. You groped your way for an hour through lanes and byways and courtyards and passages, and you never once emerged upon anything that might be reasonably called a street. A kind of resigned distraction came over the stranger as he trod those devious mazes, and giving himself up for lost went in and out and round about and quietly turned back again when he came to a dead wall, overstopped by an iron railing, and felt that the means of escape might possibly present themselves in their own good time, but that to anticipate them was hopeless. Instances were known of people who, being asked to dine at Tadgers's, had traveled round and round for a weary time with its very chimney pots in view, and finding it at last impossible of attainment had gone home again with a gentle melancholy on their spirits, tranquil and uncomplaining. Nobody had ever found Tadgers's on a verbal direction, though given within a few minutes' walk of it. Cautious emigrants from Scotland or the north of England had been known to reach it safely by impressing a charity boy, town-bred, in bringing him along with them. Or by clinging tenaciously to the postman. But these were rare exceptions, and only went to prove the rule that Tadgers's was an elaborate, whereof the mystery was known but to a chosen few. Several fruit brokers had their marks near Tadgers's, and one of the first impressions wrought upon the stranger's senses was of oranges, of damaged oranges, with blue and green bruises on them, festering in boxes or moldering away in cellars. All day long a stream of porters from the wharves beside the river, each bearing on his back a bursting chest of oranges, poured slowly through the narrow passages, while underneath the archway by the public house, the knots of those who rested and regaled within were piled from morning until night. Strange solitary pumps were found near Tadgers's as hiding themselves for the most part in blind alleys and keeping company with fire-ladders. There were churches also by dozens, with many a ghostly little churchyard all overgrown with such straggling vegetation as springs up spontaneously from damp and graves and rubbish. In some of these dingy resting places which bore much the same analogy to green churchyards as the pots of earth for mignonette and wallflower in the windows overlooking them did to rustic gardens, there were trees, tall trees, still putting forth their leaves in each succeeding year with such a languishing remembrance of their kind, so one might fancy looking on their sickly vows, as birds and cages have of theirs. Here paralyzed old watchmen guarded the bodies of the dead at night, year after year until at last they joined that solemn brotherhood and saving that they slept below the ground as sounder sleep than even they had ever known above it and were shut up in another kind of box. Their condition can hardly be said to have undergone any material change when they, in turn, were watched themselves. Among the narrow thoroughfares at hand there lingered here and there an ancient doorway of carved oak from which, of old, the sounds of revelry and feasting often came, but now these mansions only used for storehouses were dark and dull, and, being filled with wool and cotton and the like, such heavy merchandise as stifled sound and stops the throat of echo had an air of palpable deadness about them which, added to their silence and desertion, made them very grim. In like manner there were gloomy courtyards in these parts into which few but belated wayfarers ever strayed and where vast bags and packs of goods upward or downward bound were forever dangling between heaven and earth from lofty cranes. There were more trucks near toges than you would suppose a whole city could ever need, not active trucks, but a vagabond race, forever lounging in the narrow lanes before their master's doors and stopping up the pass, so that when a stray hackney coach or lumbering wagon came that way there were the cause of such an uproar as enlivened the whole neighborhood and made the bells in the next church tower vibrate again. In the throats and moors of dark, no thoroughfares near toges as individual wine merchants and wholesale dealers in grocery-ware had perfect little towns of their own and deep among the foundations of these buildings the ground was undermined and burrowed out into stables and cart-horses troubled by rats might be heard on a quiet Sunday rattling their halters as disturbed spirits and tales of haunted houses are said to clank their chains. To tell of half the queer old taverns that had a drowsy and secret existence near toges would fill a goodly book while a second volume no less capacious might be devoted to an account of the quaint old guests who frequented their dimly-lighted parlors. These were, in general, ancient inhabitants of that region, born and bred there from boyhood who had long since become weasy and asthmatic and short of breath except in the article of storytelling in which respect they were still marvelously long-winded. These gentry were much opposed to steam in all new-fangled ways and held ballooning to be sinful and deplored the degeneracy of the times which that particular member of each little club who kept the keys of the nearest church professionally always attributed to the prevalence of dissent and irreligion though the major part of the company inclined to the belief that virtue went out with hair-powder and that old England's greatness had decayed a main with barbers. As tatages as itself, speaking of it only as a house in that neighborhood and making no reference to its merits as a commercial boarding establishment it was worthy to stand where it did. There was one staircase window in it at the side of the house on the ground floor which tradition said had not been opened for a hundred years at least and which a budding on an always dirty lane was so begrimed and coated with a century's mud that no one pane of glass could possibly fall out though all were cracked and broken twenty times. But the grand mystery of tatages was the cellarage approachable only by a little back door and a rusty grating which cellarage within the memory of man had had no connection with the house but had always been the freehold property of somebody else and was reported to be full of wealth though in what shape whether in silver, brass, or gold or butts of wine or casks of gunpowder was matter of profound uncertainty and supreme indifference to tatages and all its inmates. The top of the house was worthy of notice there was a sort of terrace on the roof with posts and fragments of rotten lines once intended to dry clothes upon and there were two or three tea chests out there full of earth with forgotten plants in them like old walking sticks. Whoever climbed to this observatory was stunned at first from having knocked his head against the little door and coming out and after that was for the moment choked from having looked perforce straight down the kitchen chimney but these two stages over there were things to gaze at from the top of tatages as well worth your seeing too for first and foremost if the day were bright you observed upon the house tops stretching far away a long dark path the shadow of the monument and turning round the tall original was close beside you with every hair erect upon his golden head as if the doings of the city frightened him then there were steeples towers bell-free shining veins and mass of ships a very forest gables house tops gear at windows wilderness upon wilderness smoke and noise enough for all the world at once after the first glance there were slight features in the midst of this crowd of objects which sprung out from the mass without any reason as it were and took hold of the attention whether the spectator would or no thus the revolving chimney pots on one great stack of buildings seemed to be turning gravely to each other every now and then and whispering the result of their separate observation of what was going on below others of a crook-backed shape appeared to be maliciously holding themselves a skew that they might shut the prospect out and baffle tatages the man who was mending a pan at an upper window over the way became of paramount importance in the scene he was blanking at ridiculously disproportionate in its extent when he retired the gambles of a piece of cloth upon the dyer's pole had far more interest for the moment than all the changing motion of the crowd yet even while the looker on felt angry with himself for this and wondered how it was the tumult swelled into a roar the hosts of objects seemed to thicken and expand a hundred fold and after gazing round him, quite scared, he turned into tatages as again much more rapidly than he came out and ten to one he told them tatages afterwards that if he hadn't done so he would certainly have come into the street by the shortest cut that is to say, had foremost so said the two Miss Peck sniffs when they retired with Mrs. tatages from this place of Espeal leaving the youthful porter to close the door and follow them downstairs who, being of a playful temperament and contemplating with a delight peculiar to his sex and time of life any chance of dashing himself into small fragments lingered behind to walk upon the parapet it being the second day of their stay in London the Miss Peck sniffs and Mrs. tatages were by this time highly confidential insomuch that the last named lady had already communicated the particulars of three early disappointments of a tender nature and had furthermore possessed her young friends with a general summary of the life conduct and character of Mr. tatages who, it seemed, had cut his matrimonial career rather short by unlawfully running away from his happiness and establishing himself in foreign countries as a bachelor your pal was once a little particular in his attentions, my dears said Mrs. tatages but to be your ma was too much happiness denied me you'd hardly know who this was done for perhaps she called their attention to an oval miniature like a little blister which was tacked up over the kettle holder and in which there was a dreamy shadowing forth of her own visage it's a speaking likeness cried the two Miss Peck sniffs it was considered so once said Mrs. tatages warming herself in a gentlemanly manner at the fire but I hardly thought you would have known it, my loves they would have known it anywhere if they could have met with it in the street or seen it in the shop window they would have cried good gracious Mrs. tatages presiding over an establishment like this makes sad havoc with the features my dear Miss Peck sniffs said Mrs. tatages the gravy alone is enough to add twenty years to one's age I do assure you Lord! cried the two Miss Peck sniffs the anxiety of that one item my dears said Mrs. tatages keeps the mind continually upon the stretch there is no such passion in human nature as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen it's nothing to say a joint won't yield a whole animal wouldn't yield the amount of gravy they expect each day at dinner and what I have undergone in consequence cried Mrs. tatages raising her eyes and shaking her head no one would believe just like Mr. Pinch Mary said charity we have always noticed it in him you remember yes my dear giggled Mary but we have never given it him you know you my dears having to deal with your Pa's pupils who can't help themselves are able to take your own way said Mrs. tatages but in a commercial establishment where any gentleman may say any Saturday evening Mrs. tatages this day week we part in consequence of the cheese it is not so easy to preserve a pleasant understanding your Pa was kind enough added the good lady to invite me to take a ride with you today and I think he mentioned that you were going to call upon Miss Pinch any relation to the gentleman you were speaking of just now Miss Pexniff for goodness sake Mrs. tatages interpose the lively Mary don't call him a gentleman my dear cherry pinch a gentleman the idea what a wicked girl you are cried Mrs. tatages embracing her with great affection you are quite a quiz I do declare my dear Miss Pexniff what a happiness your sister's spirit must be to your Pa and self he's the most hideous goggle eyed creature Mrs. tatages in existence resumed Mary quite an ogre the ugliest, awkwardest, frightfulest being you can imagine this is his sister so I leave you to suppose what she is I shall be obliged to laugh outright I know I shall cried the charming girl I never shall be able to keep my countenance the notion of a Miss Pinch presuming to exist at all is sufficient to kill one but to see her all my stars Mrs. tatages laughed immensely at the dear love's humor and declared she was quite afraid of her that she was she was so very severe who is severe cried a voice at the door there is no such thing as severity in our family I hope and then Mr. Pexniff peeped smilingly into the room and said may I come in Mrs. tatages Mrs. tatages almost screamed for the little door of communication between that room and the inner one being wide open there was a full disclosure of the sofa bedstead and all its monstrous impropriety but she had the presence of mind to close this portal in the twinkling of an eye and having done so said though not without confusion oh yes Mr. Pexniff you can come in if you please how are we today said Mr. Pexniff jokestly and what are our plans are we ready to go and see Tom Pinch's sister poor Thomas Pinch are we ready returned Mrs. tatages nodding her head with mysterious intelligence to send a favorable reply to Mr. Jenkins's round robin that's the first question Mr. Pexniff why Mr. Jenkins's robin my dear madam asked Mr. Pexniff putting one arm round mercy and the other round Mrs. tatages whom he seemed in the abstraction of the moment to mistake for charity why Mr. Jenkins's because he began to get it up and indeed always takes the lead in the house said Mrs. tatages playfully that's why sir Jenkins is a man of superior talents observed Mr. Pexniff I have conceived a great regard for Jenkins I take Jenkins's desire to pay polite attention to my daughters as an additional proof of the friendly feeling of Jenkins Mrs. tatages well now returned that lady having said so much you must say the rest Mr. Pexniff so tell the dear young ladies all about it with these words she gently eluded Mr. Pexniff's grasp and took Miss Charity into her own embrace though whether she was impelled to this proceeding solely by the irrepressible affection she had conceived for that young lady or whether it had any reference to allowing not to say distinctly spiteful expression which had been visible in her face for some moments has never been exactly ascertained be this as it may Pexniff went on to inform his daughters of the purport and history of the round robin aforesaid which was in brief that the commercial gentleman who helped to make up the sum and substance of that noun of multitude signifying many called tatages desired the honor of their presence at the general table so long as they remained in the house and be sought that they would grace the board at dinnertime next day the same being Sunday he further said that Mrs. Tatgers being a consenting party to this invitation he was willing for his part to accept it and so left them that he might write his gracious answer the while they armed themselves with their best bonnets for the utter defeat and overthrow of Miss Pinch Tom Pinch's sister was governess in a family a lofty family perhaps the wealthiest brass and copper founders family known to mankind they lived at Camberwell in a house so big and fierce that its mere outside like the outside of a giant's castle struck terror into vulgar minds and made bold persons quail there was a great front gate with a great bell whose handle was in itself a note of admiration and a great lodge which being close to the house rather spoilt the look out certainly but made the look in tremendous at this entry a great porter kept constant watch and ward and when he gave the visitor high leave to pass he rang a second great bell responsive to whose note a great footman appeared in due time at the great hall door with such great tags upon his livery shoulder that he was perpetually entangling and hooking himself among the chairs and tables and led a life of torment which could scarcely have been surpassed if he had been a blue bottle in a world of cobwebs to this mansion Mr. Peck sniff accompanied by his daughters and Mrs. Todgers drove gallantly in a one horse fly the foregoing ceremonies having been all performed they were ushered into the house and so by degrees they got at last into a small room with books in it where Mr. Pinch's sister was at that moment instructing her eldest pupil to wit a premature little woman of thirteen years old who had already arrived at such a pitch of well bone and education that she had nothing girlish about her as a source of great rejoicing to all her relations and friends visitors for Miss Pinch said the footman he must have been an ingenious young man for he said it very cleverly with a nice discrimination between the cold respect with which he would have announced visitors to the family and the warm personal interest with which he would have announced visitors to the cook visitors for Miss Pinch Miss Pinch rose hastily with such tokens of agitation Miss Pinch has plainly declared that her list of callers was not numerous at the same time the little pupil became alarmingly upright and prepared herself to take mental notes of all that might be said and done for the lady of the establishment was curious in the natural history and habits of the animal called governess and encouraged her daughters to report there on whenever occasion served which was in reference to all parties concerned very laudable improving and pleasant it is a melancholy fact but it must be related that Mr. Pinch's sister was not at all ugly on the contrary she had a good face a very mild and prepossessing face and a pretty little figure slight and short but remarkable for its neatness there was something of her brother much of him indeed in a certain gentleness of manner and in her look of timid trustfulness but she was so far from being a fright or a dowdy or a horror or anything else predicted by the two Miss Peck sniffs that those young ladies naturally regarded her with great indignation feeling that this was by no means what they had come to see Miss Mercy is having the larger share of gaiety bore up the best against this disappointment and carried it off in outward show at least with the titter but her sister not caring to hide her disdain expressed it pretty openly in her looks as to Mrs. Todgers she leaned on Mr. Peck Sniff's arm and preserved a kind of genteel grimness suitable to any state of mind and involving any shade of opinion don't be alarmed Miss Pinch said Mr. Peck Sniff taking her hand condescendingly in one of his and patting it with the other I have called to see you in pursuance of a promise given to your brother Thomas Pinch my name compose yourself Miss Pinch is Peck Sniff the good man emphasized these words as though he would have said you see in me young person the benefactor of your race the patron of your house the preserver of your brother who is fed with manner daily from my table and in right of whom there is a considerable balance in my favor at present standing in the books beyond the sky but I have no pride for I can't afford to do without it the poor girl felt it all as if it had been gospel truth her brother writing in the fullness of his simple heart had often told her so and how much more as Mr. Peck Sniff ceased to speak she hung her head and dropped a tear upon his hand oh very well Miss Pinch thought the sharp pupil crying before strangers as if you didn't like the situation Thomas is well said Mr. Peck Sniff and sends his love in this letter I cannot say poor fellow that he will ever be distinguished in our profession but he has the will to do well which is the next thing to having the power and therefore we must bear with him eh? I know he has the will sirs said Tom Pinch's sister and I know how kindly and considerably you cherish it for which neither he nor I can ever be grateful enough as we very often say in writing to each other the young ladies too she added glancing gratefully at his two daughters I know how much we owe to them my dears said Mr. Peck Sniff turning to them with a smile Thomas's sister is saying something you will be glad to hear I think we can't take any merit to ourselves papa cried cherry as they both apprised Tom Pinch's sister with a curtsy that they would feel obliged if she would keep her distance Mr. Pinch is being so well provided for is owing to you alone and we can only say how glad we are to hear that he is as grateful as he ought to be oh very well Miss Pinch thought the pupil again got a grateful brother living on other people's kindness it was very kind of you said Tom Pinch's sister with Tom's own simplicity and Tom's own smile to come here very kind indeed though how great a kindness you have done me in gratifying my wish to see you and to thank you with my own lips you who make so light of benefits conferred can scarcely think very grateful very pleasant very proper murmured Mr. Pexniff it makes me happy too said Ruth Pinch who now that her first surprise was over had a chatty cheerful way with her and a single hearted desire to look upon the best side of everything which was the very moral and image of Tom very happy to think that you will be able to tell him how more than comfortably I am situated here and how unnecessary it is that you should ever waste regret on my being cast upon my own resources dear me so long as I heard that he was happy and he heard that I was said Tom sister we could both bear without one impatient or complaining thought a great deal more than ever we have had to endure I am very certain and if ever the plain truth were spoken on this occasionally false earth Tom sister spoke it when she said that ah cried Mr. Pexniff whose eyes had in the meantime wandered to the pupil certainly and how do you do my very interesting child quite well I thank you sir replied that frosty innocent a sweet face this my dears said Mr. Pexniff turning to his daughters a charming manner both young ladies had been in ecstasies with a sigh of a wealthy house through whom the nearest road and shortest cut to her parents might be supposed to lie from the first Mrs. Todgers vowed that anything one quarter so angelic she had never seen she wanted but a pair of wings a dear said that good woman to be a young syrup meaning possibly young silk or syrup if you will give that to your distinguished parents my amiable little friend said Mr. Pexniff producing one of his professional cards and will say that I and my daughters and Mrs. Todgers said Mary and Mrs. Todgers of London added Mr. Pexniff that I and my daughters and Mrs. Todgers of London did not intrude upon them as our object simply was to take some notice of Miss Pinch whose brother is a young man in my employment but that I could not leave this very chaste mansion without adding my humble tribute as an architect to the correctness and elegance of the owner's taste and to his just appreciation of that beautiful art to the cultivation of which I have devoted a life and to the promotion of whose glory and advancement I have sacrificed a fortune I shall be very much obliged to you Missus's compliments to Miss Pinch said the footman suddenly appearing and speaking in exactly the same key as before and begs to know what my young lady is a learning of just now oh said Mr. Pexniff here is the young man he will take the card with my compliments if you please young man my dears we are interrupting the studies let us go some confusion was occasioned for an instant by Missus Todgers is unstrapping her little flat handbasket and hurriedly entrusting the young man with one of her own cards which in addition to certain detailed information relative to the terms of the commercial establishment bore a footnote to the effect that MT took that opportunity of thanking those gentlemen who had honored her with their favors and begged they would have the goodness if satisfied with the table to recommend her to their friends but Mr. Pexniff with admirable presence of mind recovered this document and buttoned it up in his own pocket then he said to Miss Pinch with more condescension and kindness than ever for it was desirable the footman should expressly understand that they were not friends of hers but patrons good morning goodbye God bless you you may depend upon my continued protection of your brother Thomas keep your mind quiet at ease Miss Pinch thank you said Tom sister heartily a thousand times not at all he retorted patting her gently on the head don't mention it you will make me angry if you do my sweet child to the pupil farewell that fairy creature said Mr. Pexniff looking in his pensive mood hard at the footman as if he meant him has shed a vision on my path refulgent in its nature and not easily to be obliterated my dears are you ready they were not quite ready yet for they were still caressing the pupil but they tore themselves away at length and sweeping past Miss Pinch with each a haughty inclination of the head and a curtsy strangled in its birth flounced into the passage the young man had rather a long job in showing them out for Mr. Pexniff's delight in the tastefulness of the house was such that he could not help often stopping particularly when they were near the parlor door and giving it expression in a loud voice in very learned terms indeed he delivered between the study in the hall a familiar exposition of the whole science of architecture as applied to dwelling houses and was yet in the freshness of his eloquence when they reached the garden if you look said Mr. Pexniff backing from the steps with his head on one side and his eyes half shut that he might the better take in the proportions of the exterior if you look my dears at the cornice which supports the roof and observe the airiness of its construction especially where it sweeps the southern angle of the building you will feel with me how do you do sir I hope you're well interrupting himself with these words he very politely bowed to a middle aged gentleman that he spoke not because the gentleman could hear him for he certainly could not but as an appropriate accompaniment to his salutation I have no doubt my dears said Mr. Pexniff feigning to point out other beauties with his hand that this is the proprietor I should be glad to know him it might lead to something is he looking this way charity he is opening the windowpaw ha ha he heard me inside just now I have no doubt don't look with regard to the fluted pillars in the portico my dears hello cried the gentleman sir your servant said Mr. Pexniff taking off his hat I am proud to make your acquaintance come off the grass will you roared the gentleman I beg your pardon sir said Mr. Pexniff doubtful of his having heard a right did you come off the grass he needed the gentleman warmly we are unwilling to intrude sir Mr. Pexniff smilingly began but you are intruding returned the other unwarrantably intruding trespassing you see a gravel walk don't you what do you think it's meant for open the gate there so that party out with that he clapped down the window again and disappeared Mr. Pexniff put on his hat and walked with great deliberation and in profound silence to the fly gazing at the clouds as he went with great interest after helping his daughters and Mrs. Todgers into that conveyance he stood looking at it for some moments as if you were not quite certain whether it was a carriage or a temple but having settled this point in his mind he got into his place spread his hands out on his knees and smiled upon the three beholders but his daughters less tranquil minded into a torrent of indignation this came they said of cherishing such creatures as the pinches this came of lowering themselves to their level this came of putting themselves in the humiliating position of seeming to know such bold audacious cunning dreadful girls as that they had expected this they had predicted it to Mrs. Todgers as she Todgers could depone that very morning to this they added that the owner of the house supposing them to be Ms. Todgers acted in their opinion quite correctly and had done no more than under such circumstances might reasonably have been expected to that they added with a trifling inconsistency that he was a brute and a bear and then they merged into a flood of tears which swept away all wandering epithets before it End of Chapter 9 Part 1 Chapter 9 Part 2 of Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewick this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewick by Charles Dickens Chapter 9 Part 2 Perhaps Miss Pinch was scarcely so much to blame in the matter as the Seraph who immediately on the withdrawal of the visitors had hastened to report them at headquarters with a full account of their having presumptuously charged her with the delivery of a message afterwards consigned to the footmen which outrage taken in conjunction with Mr. Petchsniff's unobtrusive remarks on the establishment might possibly have had some share in their dismissal Poor Miss Pinch however had to bear the brunt of it with both parties being so severely taken to task by the Seraph's mother for having such vulgar acquaintances that she was feigned to retire to her own room in tears which her natural cheerfulness and submission and the delight of having seen Mr. Petchsniff and having received a letter from her brother were at first insufficient to repress As to Mr. Petchsniff he told them in the fly that a good action was its own reward and rather gave them to understand that if he could have been kicked in such a cause he would have liked it all the better but this was no comfort to the young ladies who scolded violently the whole way back and even exhibited more than once a keen desire to attack the devoted Mrs. Todgers on whose personal appearance but particularly on whose offending card and handbasket they were secretly inclined to lay the blame of half their failure Todgers's was in a great bustle that evening partly owing to some additional domestic preparations for the morrow and partly to the excitement that was inseparable in that house from Saturday night when every gentleman's linen arrived at a different hour in its own little bundle with his private account pinned on the outside there was always a great clinking of patents downstairs too until midnight or so on Saturdays together with a frequent gleaming of mysterious lights in the area much working at the pump and the constant jangling of the iron handle of the pail shrill altercations from time to time arose between Mrs. Todgers and unknown females in remote back kitchens and sounds were occasionally heard indicative of small articles of ironmongery and hardware being thrown at the boy it was the custom of that youth on Saturdays to roll up his shirt sleeves to his shoulders and pervade all parts of the house in an apron of coarse green bays moreover he was more strongly tempted on Saturdays than on other days it being a busy time to make excursive bolts into the neighbouring alleys when he answered the door and there to play at leapfrog and other sports with vagrant lads until pursued and brought back by the hair of his head or the lobe of his ear thus he was quite a conspicuous feature among the peculiar incidents of the last day in the week at Todgers' he was especially so on this particular Saturday evening with the Miss Pexniffs with a deal of notice seldom passing the door of Mrs. Todgers' private room where they sat alone before the fire working by the light of a solitary candle without putting in his head and greeting them with some such compliments as there you are again and at nice and similar humorous attentions I say he whispered stopping in one of his journeys to and fro young ladies to soup tomorrow she's a making it now ain't she a putting in the water oh not at all neither in the course of answering another knock he thrust in his head again I say there's fouls tomorrow not skinny ones oh no presently he called through the keyhole there's a fish tomorrow just come don't eat none of them and with this special warning vanished again by and by he returned to lay the cloth for supper it having been arranged between Mrs. Todgers and the young ladies that they should partake of an exclusive veal cutlet together in the privacy of that apartment he entertained them on this occasion by thrusting the lighted candle into his mouth and exhibiting his face in a state of transparency after the performance of which feet he went on with his professional duties brightening every knife as he laid it on the table by breathing on the blade and afterwards polishing the same on the apron already mentioned when he had completed his preparations he grinned at the sisters and expressed his belief that the approaching collation would be of rather a spicy sort will it be long before it's ready Bailey asked mercy no said Bailey it is cooked when I come up she was dodging among the tender pieces with a fork and eating of them but he had scarcely achieved the utterance of these words when he received a manual compliment which sent him staggering against the wall and Mrs. Todgers dish and hand stood indignantly before him oh you little villain said that lady oh you bad false boy no worse than yourself retorted Bailey guarding his head on a principle invented by Mr. Thomas Crib ah come now do that again will you he's the most dreadful child said Mrs. Todgers setting down the dish I ever had to deal with the gentleman spoiled him to that extent and teach him such things that I'm afraid nothing but hanging will ever do him any good won't it cried Bailey oh yes what do you go lower in the table beer for than in destroying my constitution go downstairs you vicious boy said Mrs. Todgers holding the door open do you hear me go along after two or three dexterous feints he went and was seen no more that night saved once when he brought up some tumblers and hot water and much disturbed the two Miss Pexnips by squinting hideously behind the back of the unconscious Mrs. Todgers having done this justice to his wounded feelings he retired underground where in company with a swarm of black beetles and a kitchen candle he employed his faculties in cleaning boots and brushing clothes until the night was far advanced Benjamin was supposed to be the real name of this young retainer but he was known by a great variety of names Benjamin for instance had been converted into Uncle Ben and that again had been corrupted into uncle which by an easy transition had again passed into Barnwell in memory of the celebrated relative in that degree who was shot by his nephew George while meditating in his garden at Camberwell the gentleman at Todgers had a Mary habit too of bestowing upon him for the time being the name of any notorious malifactor or minister and sometimes when current events were flat they even sought the pages of history for these distinctions as Mr. Pitt young brown rig in the like at the period of which we write he was generally known among the gentlemen as Bailey Junior a name bestowed upon him in contradistinction perhaps to old Bailey and possibly as involving the recollection of an unfortunate lady of the same name who perished by her own hand early in life and has been immortalized in a ballad the usual Sunday dinner hour at Todgers's was two o'clock a suitable time it was considered for all parties convenient to Mrs. Todgers on account of the bakers and convenient to the gentlemen with reference to their afternoon engagements but on the Sunday which was to introduce the two miss Peck sniffs at Todgers's and its society the dinner was postponed until five in order that everything might be as gentile as the occasion demanded when the hour drew nigh Bailey Junior testifying great excitement appeared in a complete suit of cast off clothes several sizes too large for him and in particular mounted a clean shirt of such extraordinary magnitude that one of the gentlemen remarkable for his ready wit and collars on the spot at about a quarter before five a deputation consisting of Mr. Jenkins and another gentleman whose name was Gander knocked at the door of Mrs. Todgers's room and being formally introduced to the two miss Peck sniffs by their parent who was in waiting besought the honor of conducting them upstairs the drawing room at Todgers's was out of the common style so much so indeed that you would hardly have taken it to the drawing room unless you were told so by somebody who was in the secret it was floor clothed all over and the ceiling including a great beam in the middle was papered besides the three little windows with seats in them commanding the opposite archway there was another window looking point blank without any compromise at all about it into Jenkins's bedroom and high up all along one side of the wall was a strip of panes of glass too deep right to the staircase there were the oddest closets possible with little casements in them like eight day clocks lurking in the wane scot and taking the shape of the stairs and the very door itself which was painted black had two great glass eyes in its forehead with an inquisitive green pupil in the middle of each here the gentlemen were all assembled there was a general cry of here here and bravo jink when Mr. Jenkins appeared with charity on his arm which became quite rapturous as Mr. Gander followed escorting mercy and Mr. Pexniff brought up the rear with Mrs. Todgers then the presentations took place they included a gentleman of a sporting turn who propounded questions on jockey subjects to the editors of Sunday papers which were regarded by his friends as rather stiff things to answer and they included a gentleman of a theatrical turn who had once entertained serious thoughts of coming out but had been kept in by the wickedness of human nature and they included a gentleman of a debating turn who was strong at speech making and a gentleman of a literary turn who wrote squibs upon the rest and knew the weak side of everybody's character but his own there was a gentleman of a vocal turn and a gentleman of a smoking turn and a gentleman of a convivial turn. Some of the gentleman had a turn for wist and a large proportion of the gentleman had a strong turn for billiards and bedding they had all it may be presumed a turn for business being all commercially employed in one way or other and had every one in his own way a decided turn for pleasure to boot Mr. Jenkins was of a fashionable turn being a regular frequenter of the parks on Sundays and knowing a great number of marriages by sight. He spoke mysteriously too of splendid women and was suspected of having once committed himself with a countess. Mr. Gander was of a witty turn being indeed the gentleman who had originated the sally about collars which sparkling pleasantry was now retailed from mouth to mouth under the title of Gander's last and was received in all parts of the room with great applause. Jenkins it may be added was much the oldest of the party being a fish salesman's bookkeeper aged forty. He was the oldest boarder also and in right of his double seniority took the lead in the house as Mrs. Todgers had already said. There was considerable delay in the production of dinner and poor Mrs. Todgers being reproached in confidence by Jenkins slipped in and out at least twenty times to see about it always coming back as though she had no such thing upon her mind and hadn't been out at all. But there was no hitch in the conversation nevertheless for one gentleman who traveled in the perfumery line exhibited an interesting knick-knack in the way of a remarkable cake of shaving soap which he had lately met with in Germany and the gentleman of a literary turn repeated by desire some sarcastic stanzas he had recently produced in the name of the tank at the back of the house. These amusements with the miscellaneous conversation arising out of them passed the time splendidly until dinner was announced by Bailey Jr. in these terms. The whittles is up, on which notice they immediately descended to the banquet hall some of the more facetious spirits in the rear taking down gentlemen as if they were ladies in imitation of the present. Mr. Pexniff said grace a short and pious grace involving a blessing on the appetites of those present and committing all persons who had nothing to eat to the care of Providence whose business so said the grace in effect it clearly was to look after them. This done they fell to with less ceremony than appetite the table groaning beneath the weight not only of the delicacies whereof the Miss previously forewarned but of boiled beef, roast veal, bacon, pies and abundance of such heavy vegetables as a favorably known to housekeepers for their satisfying qualities besides which there were bottles of stout, bottles of wine, bottles of ale and diverse other strong drinks native and foreign. All this was highly agreeable to the two Miss Pexniff's who were in immense request with either hand of Mr. Jenkins at the bottom of the table and who were called upon to take wine with some new admirer every minute. They had hardly ever felt so pleasant and so full of conversation in their lives. Mercy in particular was uncommonly brilliant and said so many good things in the way of lively repartee that she was looked upon as a prodigy. In short, as that young lady observed, they felt now indeed and for the first time too. Their young friend Bailey sympathized in these feelings to the fullest extent and abating nothing of his patronage gave them every encouragement in his power, favoring them when the general attention was diverted from his proceedings with many nods and winks and other tokens of recognition and occasionally touching his nose with a corkscrew as if to express the Bacchanalian character of the meeting. In truth, perhaps, even the spirits of the two Miss Pexniffs and the hungry watchfulness of Mrs. Todgers were less worthy of note than the proceedings of this remarkable boy whom nothing disconcerted or put out of his way. If any piece of crockery, a dish or otherwise, chance to slip through his hands, which happened once or twice, he let it go with perfect good breeding and never added to the painful emotions of the company of the feast regret. Nor did he, by hurrying to and fro, disturb the repose of the assembly as many well-trained servants do. On the contrary, feeling the hopelessness of waiting upon so large a party, he left the gentlemen to help themselves to what they wanted and seldom stirred from behind Mr. Jenkins' chair, where, with his hands in his pockets and his legs planted pretty wide apart, he led the laughter and enjoyed the conversation. The dessert was splendid, no waiting, either. The pudding-plates had been washed in a little tub outside the door while cheese was on, and though they were moist and warm with friction, still there they were again up to the mark in true to time. Quartz of almonds, dozens of oranges, pounds of raisins, stacks of biffins, soup-plates full of nuts, oh, Todgers's could do it when it chose, mind that. Then more wine came on, red wines and white wines, and a large china bowl of punch brewed by the gentlemen of a convivial turn, who adjured them as pecsniffs not to be despondent on account of its dimensions, as there were materials in the house for the decoction of half a dozen more of the same size. Could gracious how they laughed, how they coughed when they sipped it because it was so strong, and how they laughed again when somebody vowed that but for its color it might have been mistaken for part of its innocuous qualities for new milk. What a shout of no burst from the gentlemen when they pathetically implored Mr. Jenkins to suffer them to qualify it with hot water, and how blushingly by little and little did each of them drink her whole glass full down to its very dregs. Now comes the trying time. The sun, as Mr. Jenkins says, gentlemanly creature Jenkins never at a loss, is about to leave the firmament. Miss Pecsniff, says Mrs. Todgers softly, will you? Oh, dear, no more, Mrs. Todgers. Mrs. Todgers rises. The two Miss Pecsniffs rise. All rise. Miss Mercy Pecsniff looks downward for her scarf. Where is it? Dear me, where can it be? Sweet girl, she has it on. Not on her fair neck, but loose upon her flowing figure. A dozen hands assist her. No confusion. The youngest gentleman in company thirsts to murder Jenkins. She skips and joins her sister at the door. Her sister has her arm about the waist of Mrs. Todgers. She winds her arm around her sister. Diana, what a picture. The last things visible are a shape and a skip. Gentlemen, let us drink the ladies. The enthusiasm is tremendous. The gentleman of a debating turn mits and suddenly lets loose a tide of eloquence which bears down everything before it. He is reminded of a toast. A toast to which they will respond. There is an individual present. He has him in his eye to whom they owe a debt of gratitude. He repeats it, a debt of gratitude. Their rugged natures have been softened and ameliorated that day by the society of lovely woman. There is a gentleman in company whom two accomplished and delightful females regard with veneration as the fountain of their existence. Yes, when yet the two Miss Pexniffs list in language scarce intelligible they called that individual father. There is great applause. He gives them Mr. Pexniff and God bless him. They all shake hands with Mr. Pexniff as they drink the toast. The youngest gentleman in company does so with a thrill for he feels that a mysterious influence pervades the man who claims that being in the pink scarf for his daughter. What sayeth Mr. Pexniff in reply? Or rather let the question be what leaves he unsaid? Nothing. More punches called for and produced and drunk. Enthusiasm mounts still higher. Every man comes out freely in his own character. The gentleman of a theatrical turn recites. The vocal gentleman regales them with a song. Gander leaves the gander of all former feasts whole leagues behind. He rises to propose a toast. It is the father of todgers. It is their common friend Jink. It is old Jink if he may call him by that familiar and enduring appellation. The youngest gentleman in company utters a frantic negative. He won't have it. He can't bear it. It mustn't be. But his depth of feeling is misunderstood. He is supposed to be a little elevated and nobody heeds him. Mr. Jenkins thanks them from his heart. It is by many degrees the proudest day in his humble career. When he looks around him on the present occasion he feels that he wants words in which to express his gratitude. One thing he will say he hopes it has been shown that todgers can be true to itself and that an opportunity arising it can come out quite as strong as todgers, perhaps stronger. He reminds them amidst thunders of encouragement that they have heard of a somewhat similar establishment in Cannon Street and that they have heard it praised. He wishes to draw no invidious comparisons. He would be the last man to do it. But when that Cannon Street establishment shall be able to produce such a combination of wit and beauty as has graced that board that day and shall be able to serve up all things considered such a dinner as that of which they have just partaken he will be happy to talk to it until then gentlemen he will stick to todgers's. More punch, more enthusiasm, more speeches everybody's health is drunk saving the youngest gentlemen's in company. He sits apart with his elbow on the back of a vacant chair and glares disdainfully at Jenkins. Gander in a convulsing speech tells them the health of Bailey Junior hiccups are heard and the glass is broken. Mr. Jenkins feels that it is time to join the ladies. He proposes as a final sentiment Mrs. Todgers. She is worthy to be remembered separately here here so she is no doubt of it. They all find fault with her at other times but every man feels now that he could die in her defense. They go upstairs where they are not looking so soon for Mrs. Todgers is asleep, Miss Charity is adjusting her hair and Mercy who has made a sofa of one of the window seats is in a gracefully recumbent attitude. She is rising hastily when Mr. Jenkins implores her for all their sakes not to stir. She looks too graceful and too lovely he remarks to be disturbed. She laughs and yields and fans herself and drops her fan and there is a rush to pick it up. Being now installed by one consent as the beauty of the party she is cruel and capricious and sends gentlemen on messages to other gentlemen and forgets all about them before they can return with the answer and invents a thousand tortures rending their hearts to pieces. Bailey brings up the tea and coffee. There is a small cluster of admirers round Charity but they are only those who cannot get near her sister. The youngest gentleman in company is pale but collected and still sits apart for his spirit loves to hold communion with itself and his soul recoils from noisy revelers. She has a consciousness of his presence and adoration. He sees it flashing sometimes in the corner of her eye. Have a care Jenkins there you provoke a desperate man to frenzy. Mr. Pexniff had followed his younger friends upstairs and taken a chair at the side of Mrs. Todgers. He had also spilled a cup of coffee over his legs without appearing to be aware of the circumstance nor did he seem to know that there was muffin on his knee and how have they used you downstairs sir asked the hostess their conduct has been such my dear madam said Mr. Pexniff as I can never think up without emotion or remember without a cheer oh Mrs. Todgers my goodness exclaimed that lady how low you are in your spirit sir I am a man my dear madam said Mr. Pexniff shedding tears and speaking with an imperfect articulation but I am also a father I am also a widower my feelings Mrs. Todgers will not consent to be entirely smothered like the young children in the tower they are grown up and the more I press the bolster on them the more they look round the corner of it he suddenly became conscious of the bit of muffin and stared at it intently shaking his head the while in a forlorn and imbecile manner as if he regarded it as his evil genius and mildly reproached it she was beautiful Mrs. Todgers he said turning his glazed eye again upon her without the least preliminary notice she had a small property so I have heard cried Mrs. Todgers with great sympathy those are her daughters said Mr. Pexniff pointing out the young ladies with increased emotion Mrs. Todgers had no doubt about it mercy and charity said Mr. Pexniff charity and mercy not unholy names I hope Mr. Pexniff cried Mrs. Todgers with a ghastly smile are you ill sir he pressed his hand upon her arm and answered in a solemn manner and a faint voice chronic he cried the frightened Mrs. Todgers chronic he repeated with some difficulty chronic a chronic disorder I have been its victim from childhood it is carrying me to my grave heaven forbid cried Mrs. Todgers yes it is said Mr. Pexniff reckless with despair I am rather glad upon the whole you are like her Mrs. Todgers don't squeeze me so tight Mr. Pexniff if any of the gentlemen should notice us for her sake said Mr. Pexniff permit me in honor of her memory for the sake of a voice from the tomb you are very like her Mrs. Todgers what a world this is indeed you may say that cried Mrs. Todgers I'm afraid it is a vain and thoughtless world said Mr. Pexniff overflowing with despondency these young people about us what sense have they of their responsibilities none give me your other hand Mrs. Todgers the lady hesitated and said she didn't like has a voice from the grave no influence said Mr. Pexniff with dismal tenderness this is irreligious my dear creature hush urged Mrs. Todgers really you mustn't it's not me said Mr. Pexniff don't suppose it's me it's the voice her voice Mrs. Pexniff deceased must have had an unusually thick and husky voice for a lady and rather a stuttering voice and to say the truth somewhat of a drunken voice if it had ever born much resemblance to that in which Mr. Pexniff spoke just then but perhaps this was delusion on his part it has been a day of enjoyment Mrs. Todgers but still it has been a day of torture it has reminded me of my loneliness what am I in the world an excellent gentleman Mr. Pexniff said Mrs. Todgers there is consolation in that too cried Mr. Pexniff am I there is no better man living said Mrs. Todgers I am sure Mr. Pexniff smiled through his tears and slightly shook his head you are very good he said thank you it is a great happiness to me Mrs. Todgers I am very happy the happiness of my pupils is my chief object I dot upon them they dot upon me too sometimes always said Mrs. Todgers when they say they haven't improved ma'am whispered Mr. Pexniff looking at her with profound mystery and motioning to her to advance her ear a little closer to his mouth when they say they haven't improved ma'am and the premium was too high they lie I shouldn't wish I mentioned you will understand me but I say to you as to an old friend they lie base wretches they must be said Mrs. Todgers ma'am said Mr. Pexniff you are right I respect you for that observation a word in your ear to parents and guardians this is in confidence Mrs. Todgers the strictest of course cried that lady to parents and guardians repeated Mr. Pexniff an eligible opportunity now offers which unites the advantages of the best practical architectural education with the comforts of a home and the constant association with some who however humble their sphere and limited their capacity observe are not unmindful of their moral responsibilities Mrs. Todgers looked a little puzzled to know what this might mean as well as she might as the reader may perchance remember Mr. Pexniff's usual form of advertisement when he wanted a pupil and seemed to have no particular reference at present to anything but Mr. Pexniff held up his finger as a caution to her not to interrupt him do you know any parent or guardian Mrs. Todgers said Mr. Pexniff who desires to avail himself of such an opportunity for a young gentleman an orphan would be preferred do you know of any orphan with three or four hundred pound Mrs. Todgers reflected and shook her head when you hear of an orphan with three or four hundred pound said Mr. Pexniff let that dear orphans friends apply by letter post-paid to SP post office Salisbury I don't know who he is exactly don't be alarmed Mrs. Todgers said Mr. Pexniff falling heavily against her chronic chronic I have a little drop of something to drink bless my life Mrs. Pexniff's cried Mrs. Todgers aloud your dear paws took very poorly Mr. Pexniff straightened himself by a surprising effort as everyone turned hastily towards him and standing on his feet regarded the assembly with a look of ineffable wisdom gradually it gave place to a smile a feeble helpless melancholy smile bland almost to sickliness do not repine my friends said Mr. Pexniff tenderly do not weep for me it is chronic and with these words after making a futile attempt to pull off his shoes he fell into the fireplace the youngest gentleman in company had him out in a second yes before a hair upon his head was singed he had him on the heart drug her father she was almost beside herself so was her sister Jenkins consoled them both they all consoled them everybody had something to say except the youngest gentleman in company who with a noble self-devotion did the heavy work and held up Mr. Pexniff's head without being taken notice of by anybody at last they gathered round and agreed to carry him upstairs to bed the youngest gentleman in company was rebuked by Jenkins for tearing Mr. Pexniff's coat haha no matter they carried him upstairs and crushed the youngest gentleman at every step his bedroom was at the top of the house and it was a long way but they got him there in course of time he asked them frequently on the road for a little drop of something to drink it seemed an idiosyncrasy the youngest gentleman in company proposed a draft of water Mr. Pexniff called him a probious names for the suggestion Jenkins and Gander took the rest upon themselves and made him as comfortable as they could on the outside of his bed and when he seemed disposed to sleep they left him but before they had all gained the bottom of the staircase a vision of Mr. Pexniff strangely attired was seen to flutter on the top landing he desired to collect their sentiments it seemed upon the nature of human life my friends cried Mr. Pexniff looking over the banisters let us improve our minds by mutual inquiry and discussion let us be moral let us contemplate existence where's Jenkins here cried that gentleman go to bed again to bed said Mr. Pexniff bed just the voice of the sluggered I hear him complain you have woke me too soon I'm a slumber again if any young orphan will repeat the remainder of this simple piece from Dr. Watts' collection an eligible opportunity now offers nobody volunteered this is very soothing said Mr. Pexniff after a pause extremely so cool and refreshing particularly to the legs the legs of the human subject my friends are a beautiful production compare them with wooden legs and observe the difference between the anatomy of nature and the anatomy of art do you know said Mr. Pexniff leaning over the banisters with an odd recollection of his familiar manner among new pupils at home that I should very much like to see Mrs. Todgers' notion of a wooden leg if perfectly agreeable to herself as it appeared impossible to entertain any reasonable hopes of him after this speech Mr. Jenkins and Mr. Gander went upstairs again and more got him into bed but they had not descended to the second floor before he was out again nor when they had repeated the process had they descended the first flight before he was out again in a word as often as he was shut up in his own room he darted out afresh charged with some new moral sentiment which he continually repeated over the banisters with extraordinary relish and an irrepressible desire for the improvement of his fellow creatures that nothing could subdue under these circumstances when they had got him into bed for the thirtieth time or so Mr. Jenkins held him while his companion went downstairs in search of Bailey Junior with whom he presently returned that youth having been apprised of the service required of him was in great spirits and brought up a stool, a candle and his supper to the end that he might keep watch outside the bedroom door for comfort when he had completed his arrangements they locked Mr. Peck sniff in and left the key on the outside charging the young page to listen attentively for symptoms of an apoplectic nature with which the patient might be troubled and in case of any such presenting themselves to summon them without delay to which Mr. Bailey modestly replied that he hoped he knowed what o'clock it was in general and gave his letters to his friends from Togges's for nothing End of Chapter 9 Chapter 10 of Life and Adventures of Martin Choselwit This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Life and Adventures of Martin Choselwit by Charles Dickens Chapter 10 Being strange matter on which many events in this history may for their good or evil influence chiefly depend But Mr. Peck sniff came to town on business Had he forgotten that? Was he always taking his pleasure with Togges's jovial brood unmindful of the serious demands whatever they might be upon his calm consideration? No Time and tide will wait for no man saith the adage wait for time and tide that tide which taken at the flood would lead Seth Peck's sniff on to fortune was marked down in the table and about to flow No idle Peck's sniff lingered far inland unmindful of the changes of the stream but there upon the water's edge over his shoes already stood the worthy creature prepared to wallow in the very mud so that it slid towards the quarter of his hope that the restfulness of his two fair daughters was beautiful indeed they had that firm reliance on their parents' nature which taught them to feel certain that in all he did he had his purpose straight and full before him and that its noble end and object was himself which almost of necessity included them they knew the devotion of these maids was perfect their filial confidence was rendered the more touching by their having no knowledge of their parents' real designs in the present instance all that they knew of his proceedings was that every morning after the early breakfast he repaired to the post office and inquired for letters that task performed his business for the day was over and he again relaxed until the rising of another son proclaimed the advent of another post this went on for four or five days at length one morning Mr. Peck's sniff returned to his father's house and he was in a state of responsibility strange to observe in him at other times so calm and seeking immediate speech with his daughters shut himself up with them in private conference for two whole hours of all that passed in this period only the following words of Mr. Peck's sniff's utterance are known how he has come to change so very much if it should turn out as I expect I have my thoughts upon the subject but I will not impart them it is enough that we will not be proud resentful or unforgiving if he wants our friendship he shall have it we know our duty I hope that same day at noon an old gentleman alighted from a hackney coach at the post office and giving his name inquired for a letter addressed to himself and directed to be left till called for it had been lying there some days the superscription was in Mr. Peck's sniff's hand and it was sealed with Mr. Peck's sniff's seal it was very short containing indeed nothing more than an address with Mr. Peck's sniff's respectful and notwithstanding what has passed sincerely affectionate regards the old gentleman tore off the direction scattering the rest in fragments to the winds and giving it to the coachman bade him drive as near that place as he could in pursuance of these instructions he was driven to the monument where he again alighted and dismissed the vehicle and walked towards Todgers's though the face and form and gate of this old man and even his grip of the stout stick on which he leaned were all expressive of a resolution not easily shaken and a purpose it matters little whether right or wrong just now such as in other days might have survived the rack the strongest life in weakest death still there were grains of hesitation in his mind which made him now avoid the house he sought and loitered to and fro in a gleam of sunlight that brightened the little churchyard hired by there may have been in the presence of those idle heaps of dust among the busiest stir of life something to increase his wavering but there he walked awakening the echoes as he paced up and down until the church clock striking the quarters for the second time since he had been there roused him from his meditation shaking off his insertitude as the air parted with the sound of the bells he walked rapidly to the house and knocked at the door Mr. Pexnip was seated in the landlady's little room and his visitor found him reading by an accident he apologized for it an excellent theological work there were cake and wine upon a little table by another accident for which he also apologized indeed he said he had given his visitor up and was about to partake of that simple refreshment with his children when he knocked at the door your daughters are well said old Martin laying down his hat and stick Mr. Pexnip endeavored to conceal his agitation as a father when he answered yes they were they were good girls he said very good he would not venture to recommend to take the easy chair or to keep out of the draft from the door if he made any such suggestion he would expose himself he feared to most unjust suspicion he would therefore content himself with remarking that there was an easy chair in the room and that the door was far from being airtight this latter imperfection he might perhaps venture to add was not uncommonly to be met with in old houses the old man sat down in the easy chair and after a few moments silence said in the first place let me thank you for coming to London so promptly at my almost unexplained request I need scarcely add at my cost at your cost my good sir cried Mr. Pexnip in a tone of great surprise it is not said Martin waving his hand impatiently my habit to put my well my relatives to any personal expense to gratify my caprices caprices my good sir cried Mr. Pexnip that is scarcely the proper word either in this instance said the old man no you are right Mr. Pexnip was inwardly very much relieved to hear it though he didn't at all know why you are right repeated Martin it is not a caprice it is built up on reason proof and cool comparison caprices never are moreover I am not a capricious man was most assuredly not said Mr. Pexnip how do you know returns the other quickly you are to begin to know it now you are to test and prove it in time to come you and yours are defined that I can be constant and I'm not to be diverted from my end do you hear perfectly said Mr. Pexnip I very much regret Martin resumed looking steadily at him and speaking in a slow and measured tone I very much regret that you and I held such a conversation together as that which passed between us at our last meeting I very much regret that I laid open to you what were then my thoughts of you so freely as I did the intentions that I bear towards you now are of another kind deserted by all in whom I have ever trusted, hoodwinked and beset by all who should help and sustain me I fly to you for refuge I confide in you to be my ally to attach yourself to me by ties of interest and expectation he laid great stress upon these words though Mr. Pexnip particularly begged him not to mention it and to help me to visit the consequences of the very worst species of meanness dissimulation and subtlety on the right heads my noble sir cried Mr. Pexnip catching at his outstretched hand and you regret the having harbored unjust thoughts of me you with those grey hairs regrets said Martin are the natural property of grey hairs and I enjoy in common with all other men at least my share of such inheritance and so enough of that I regret having been severed from you so long if I had known you sooner and sooner used you as you well deserve I might have been a happier man Mr. Pexnip looked up to the ceiling and clasped his hands in rapture your daughters said Martin after a short silence I don't know them are they like you in the nose of my eldest and the chin of my youngest Mr. Cheslowit returned to the widower their sainted parent not myself their mother lives again I don't mean in person said the old man morally morally does not for me to say retorted Mr. Pexnip with a gentle smile I have done my best sir I could wish to see them said Martin are they near at hand they were very near for they had in fact been listening at the door from the beginning of this conversation until now when they precipitately retired having wiped the signs of weakness from his eyes and so given them time to get upstairs Mr. Pexnip opened the door and mildly cried in the passage my own darlings where are you here my dear pa replied the distant voice of charity come down into the back parlor if you please my love said Mr. Pexnip and bring your sister with you yes my dear pa cried Mary and down they came directly being all obedience singing as they came nothing could exceed the astonishment of the two Miss Pexnips when they found a stranger with their dear papa nothing could surpass their mute amazement when he said my children Mr. Chuzzlewit but when he told them that Mr. Chuzzlewit and he were friends and that Mr. Chuzzlewit had said such kind and tender words as pierced his very heart the two Miss Pexnips cried with one accord thank heaven for this and fell upon the old man's neck and when they had embraced him with such fervor of affection that no words can describe it they grouped themselves about his chair and hung over him as figuring to themselves no earthly joy like that of ministering to his wants and crowding into the remainder of his life the love they would have diffused over their whole existence from infancy if he dear obdurate had but consented to receive the precious offering the old man looked attentively from one to the other and then at Mr. Pexnip several times what he asked of Mr. Pexnip happening to catch his eye in its descent for until now it had been piously upraised with something of that expression which the poetry of ages has attributed to a domestic bird when breathing its last amid the ravages of an electric storm what are their names Mr. Pexnip told him and added rather hastily as culminators would have said with a view to any testamentary thoughts that might be flitting through old Martin's mind perhaps my dears you had better come down your humble autographs are of no value in themselves but affection may prize them affection said the old man will expend itself on the living originals do not trouble yourselves my girls I shall not so easily forget you charity and mercy as to need such tokens of remembrance cousin sir said Mr. Pexnip with alacrity do you never sit down why yes sir said Mr. Pexnip who had been standing all this time will you do so now can you ask me returned Mr. Pexnip slipping into a chair immediately whether I will do anything that you desire you talk confidently said Martin and you mean well but I fear you don't know what an old man's humours are you don't know what it is to be required to court his likings and dislikings to adapt yourself to his prejudices to do his bidding be it what it may to bear with his distrusts and jealousies and always still be zealous in his service when I remember how numerous these failings are in me and judge of their occasional enormity by the injurious thoughts I lately entertained of you I hardly dare to claim you for my friend my worthy sir returned his relative how can you talk in such a painful strain what was more natural than that you should make one slight mistake when in all other respects you were so very correct and have had such reason such very sad and undeniable reason to judge of everyone about you in the worst light true replied the other you are very lenient with me we always said my girls and I cried Mr. Pexnip with increasing obsequiousness that while we mourned the heaviness of our misfortune in being confounded by the base and mercenary still we could not wonder at it my dears you remember oh vividly a thousand times we uttered no complaints said Mr. Pexnip occasionally we had the presumption to console ourselves with the remark that truth would in the end prevail and virtue be triumphant but not often my loves you recollect recollect could he doubt it dearest power strange unnecessary questions and when I saw you resumed Mr. Pexnip with still greater deference in the little unassuming village where we take the liberty of dwelling I said you were mistaken in me my dear sir that was all I think no not all said Martin who had been sitting with his hand upon his brow for some time past and now looked up again you said much more which added to other circumstances that have come to my knowledge and to my eyes you spoke to me disinterestedly on behalf of I needn't name him you know whom I mean trouble was expressed in Mr. Pexnip's visage as he pressed his hot hands together and replied with humility quite disinterestedly sir I assure you I know it said old Martin in his quiet way I am sure of it I said so it was disinterested too in you you were a harpy's off for me and be their victim yourself most other men would have suffered them to display themselves in all their capacity and would have striven to rise by contrast in my estimation you felt for me and drew them off for which I owe you many thanks although I left the place I know what passed behind my back you see you amaze me sir cried Mr. Pexnip which was true enough my knowledge of your proceedings said the old man does not stop at this you have a new inmate in your house yes sir rejoined the architect I have he must quit it said Martin for yours asked Mr. Pexnip with a quavering mildness for any shelter he can find the old man answered he has deceived you I hope not said Mr. Pexnip eagerly I trust not extremely well disposed towards that young man I hope it cannot be shown that he has forfeited all claim to my protection deceit deceit my dear Mr. Chuzzle what would be final I should hold myself bound on proof of deceit to renounce him instantly the old man glanced at both his fair supporters but especially at Ms. Mercy whom indeed he looked full in the face with a greater demonstration of interest than had yet appeared in his features his gaze again encountered Mr. Pexnip as he said composedly of course you know that he has made his matrimonial choice oh dear cried Mr. Pexnip rubbing his hair up very stiff upon his head and staring wildly at his daughters this is becoming tremendous you know the fact repeated Martin surely not without his grandfather's consent and approbation my dear sir cried Mr. Pexnip don't tell me that for the honor of human nature say you're not about to tell me that I thought he had suppressed it said the old man the indignation felt by Mr. Pexnip at this terrible disclosure was only to be equaled by the kindling anger of his daughters what had they taken to their hearth and home a secretly contracted serpent a crocodile who had made a furtive offer of his hand an imposition on society a bankrupt bachelor with no effects trading with the spinster world on false pretenses and oh to think that he should have disobeyed and practiced on that sweet that venerable gentleman whose name he bore that kind and tender guardian his more than father to say nothing at all of mother horrible, horrible to turn him out with the ignominy would be treatment much too good was there nothing else that could be done to him he incurred no legal pains and penalties could it be that the statutes of the land were so remiss as to have affixed no punishment to such delinquency monster how basely had they been deceived I am glad to find you second me so warmly said the old man holding up his hand to stay the torrent of their wrath I will not deny that it is a pleasure to me to find you so full of zeal we will consider that topic as disposed of no my dear sir cried Mr. Pexnip not as disposed of until I have purged my house of this pollution that will follow said the old man in its own time I look upon that as done you are very good sir answered Mr. Pexnip shaking his hand you do me honor you may look upon it as done I assure you there is another topic said Martin on which I hope you will assist me do you remember Mary cousin the young lady that I mentioned to you my dears is having interested me so very much remarked Mr. Pexnip excuse my interrupting you sir I told you her history said the old man which I also mentioned you will recollect my dears cried Mr. Pexnip silly girls Mr. Chuzzlewick quite moved by it they were well I look now said Martin evidently pleased I feared I should have had to urge her case upon you and asked you to regard her favorably for my sake but I find you have no jealousies well you have no cause for any to be sure she has nothing to gain from me my dears and she knows it the two Miss Pexnip murmured their approval of this wise arrangement in their cordial sympathy with its interesting object if I could have anticipated what has come to pass between us four said the old man thoughtfully but it is too late to think of that you would receive her courteously young ladies and be kind to her if need were where was the orphan whom the two Miss Pexnips would not have cherished in their sisterly bosom but when that orphan was commended to their care by one on whom the damned up love of years was gushing forth what exhaustless stores of pure affection yearned to expend themselves upon her an interval ensued during which Mr. Chuzzlewick in an absent frame of mind sat gazing at the ground without uttering a word and as it was plain that he had no desire to be interrupted in his meditations Mr. Pexnip and his daughters were profoundly silent also during the whole of the foregoing dialogue he had borne his part with a cold, passionless promptitude as though he had learned and painfully rehearsed it all a hundred times even when his expressions were warmest and his language most encouraging he had retained the same manner without the least abatement but now there was a keener brightness in his eye and more expression in his voice as he said awakening from his thoughtful mood you know what will be said of this have you reflected said of what my dear sir Mr. Pexnip asked of this new understanding between us Mr. Pexnip looked benevolently sagacious at the same time far above all earthly misconstruction as he shook his head and observed that a great many things would be said of it no doubt a great many rejoined the old man some will say that I doubt in my old age that illness has shaken me that I have lost all strength of mind and have grown childish you can bear that Mr. Pexnip answered that it would be dreadfully hard to bear he made a great effort others will say I speak of disappointed angry people only that you have lied and fawned and wormed yourself through dirty ways into my favor by such concessions and such crooked deeds such meannesses and vile endurance as nothing could repay no not the legacy of half the world we live in you can bear that Mr. Pexnip made reply that this would be also very hard to bear as reflecting in some degree on the discernment of Mr. Chuzzlewit still he had a modest confidence that he could sustain the Calumny with the help of a good conscience and that gentleman's friendship with the great mass of slanderers said old Martin leaning back in his chair the tale as I clearly foresee will run thus that to mark my contempt for the rabble whom I despised and the very worst and made him do my will and pampered and enriched him at the cost of all the rest that after casting about for the means of a punishment which should wrinkle in the bosoms of these kites the most and strike into their gall I devised this scheme at a time when the last link in the chain of grateful love and duty that held me to my race was roughly snapped asunder for I had ever put my trust in his affection roughly for that he broke it when I loved him most God help me and he without a pang could throw me off while I clung about his heart now said the old man dismissing this passionate outburst as suddenly as he had yielded to it is your mind made up to bear this likewise lay your account with having it to bear and put no trust in being set right by me my dear Mr. Chuzzlewit cried pecsnip in an ecstasy for such a man as you have shown yourself to be this day for a man so injured yet so very humane for a man so I am at a loss what precise term to use yet at the same time so remarkably I don't know how to express my meaning for such a man as I have described I hope it is no presumption to say that I and I am sure I may add my children also my dears we perfectly agree in this I think would bear anything whatever enough said Martin you can charge no consequences on me when do you retire home whenever you please my dear sir tonight if you desire it I desire nothing returned the old man that is unreasonable such a request would be will you be ready to return at the end of this week the very time of all others that Mr. Pecsnip would have suggested if it had been left to him to make his own choice as to his daughters the words let us be at home on Saturday dear Pa were actually upon their lips your expenses cousin said Martin taking a full slip of paper from his pocketbook may possibly exceed that amount if so let me know the balance that I owe you when we next meet it would be useless if I told you where I lived just now indeed I have no fixed abode when I have you shall know it you and your daughters may expect to see me before long in the meantime I need not tell you that we keep our own confidence what you will do when you get home is understood between us give me no account of it at any time and never refer to it in any way I ask that as a favor I am commonly a man of few words cousin and all that need be said just now is said I think one glass of wine one morsel of this homely cake cried Mr. Pexnip venturing to detain him my dears the sisters flew to wait upon him poor girls said Mr. Pexnip you will excuse their agitation my dears sir they are made up of feeling a bad commodity to go through the world with Mr. Chuzzlewitt my youngest daughter is almost as much of a woman as my eldest is she not sir which is the youngest asked the old man mercy by five years said Mr. Pexnip we sometimes venture to consider her rather a fine figure sir speaking as an artist I may perhaps be permitted to suggest that its outline is graceful and correct I am naturally said Mr. Pexnip drying his hands upon his handkerchief and looking anxiously in his cousin's face at almost every word proud if I may use the expression I have a daughter who is constructed on the best models she seems to have a lively disposition observed Martin dear me said Mr. Pexnip that is quite remarkable you have defined her character my dear sir as correctly as if you had known her from birth she has a lively disposition I assure you my dear sir that in our unpretending home her gaiety is delightful no doubt returned the old man parity upon the other hand said Mr. Pexnip is remarkable for strong sense and for rather a deep tone of sentiment if the partiality of a father may be excused in saying so a wonderful affection between them my dear sir allow me to drink your health bless you I little thought retorted Martin but a month ago that I should be breaking bread and pouring wine with you I drink to you not at all abashed by the extraordinary abruptness with which these latter words were spoken Mr. Pexnip thanked him devoutly now let me go said Martin putting down the wine when he had merely touched it with his lips my dears good morning but this distant form of farewell was by no means tender enough for the yearnings of the young ladies who again embraced him with all their hearts with all their arms at any rate to which parting caresses their new found friends submitted with a better grace than might have been expected from one who not a moment before had pledged their parent in such a very uncomfortable manner these endearments terminated he took a hasty leave of Mr. Pexnip and withdrew followed to the door by both father and daughters who stood there kissing their hands and beaming with affection until he disappeared though by the way he never once looked back after he had crossed the threshold when they returned into the house and were again alone in Mrs. Todgers room the two young ladies exhibited an unusual amount of gaiety in so much that they clapped their hands and laughed and looked with roguish aspects in a bantering air upon their dear papa this conduct was so very unaccountable that Mr. Pexnip being singularly grave himself could scarcely choose but ask them what it meant and took them to task in his gentle manner for yielding to such light emotions if it was possible to divine any cause for this merriment even the most remote he said I should not reprove you but when you can have none whatever oh really really this admonition had so little effect on mercy that she was obliged to hold her handkerchief before her rosy lips and to throw herself back in her chair with every demonstration of extreme amusement which want of duty so offended Mr. Pexnip that he reproved her in set terms and gave her his parental advice to correct herself in solitude and contemplation but at that juncture they were disturbed by the sound of voices in dispute and as it proceeded from the next room the subject matter of the altercation quickly reached their ears I don't care that Mrs. Todgers said the young gentleman in company on the day of the festival I don't care that ma'am said he snapping his fingers for Jenkins don't suppose I do I am quite certain you don't sir replied Mrs. Todgers you have too independent a spirit I know to yield to anybody and quite right there is no reason why you should give way to any gentleman everybody must be well aware of that I should think no more of admitting daylight into the fellow said the youngest gentleman in a desperate voice than if he was a bulldog Mrs. Todgers did not stop to inquire whether as a matter of principle there was any particular reason for admitting daylight even into a bulldog otherwise than by the natural channel of his eyes but she seemed to wring her hands and she moaned let him be careful said the youngest gentleman I give him warning no man shall step between me and the current of my vengeance so he used that familiar epithet in his agitation but corrected himself by adding a gentleman of property I mean who practices with a pair of pistols fellows too of his own if I am driven to borrow him and to send a friend to Jenkins a tragedy will get into the papers that's all again Mrs. Todgers moaned I have borne this long enough said the youngest gentleman I have borne these pistols against it and I won't stand it any longer I left home originally because I had that within me which wouldn't be domineered over by a sister and do you think I'm going to be put down by him no it is very wrong in Mr. Jenkins I know it is perfectly inexcusable in Mr. Jenkins if he intends it observed Mrs. Todgers if he intends it cried the youngest gentleman don't he interrupt and contradict me does he ever fail to interpose himself between me and anything or anybody that he sees I have set my mind upon does he make a point of always pretending to forget me when he's pouring out the beer does he make bragging remarks about his razors and insulting illusions to people who have no necessity to shave more than once a week but let him look out he'll find himself shaved pretty close before long and so I tell him the young gentleman was mistaken in his sentence in as much as he never told it to Jenkins but always to Mrs. Todgers however he said these are not proper subjects for ladies ears all I've got to say to you Mrs. Todgers is a week's notice from next Saturday the same house can't contain that miscreant in me any longer if we get over the intermediate time without bloodshed you may think yourself pretty fortunate I don't myself expect we shall dear dear cried Mrs. Todgers what would I have given to have prevented this to lose you sir would be like losing the house's right hand so popular as you are among the gentlemen so generally looked up to and so much light I do hope you'll think better of it if I nobody else's account on mine there's Jenkins said the youngest gentleman Moodley your favorite he'll console you and the gentleman too for the loss of twenty such as me I'm not understood in this house I never have been don't run away with that opinion sir cried Mrs. Todgers with a show of honest indignation don't make such a charge as that against the establishment I must beg of you it is not so bad as that comes to sir make any remark you please against the gentleman or against me but don't say you're not understood in this house I'm not treated as if I was said the youngest gentleman there you make a great mistake sir return Mrs. Todgers in the same strain as many of the gentlemen and I have often said you are too sensitive that's where it is you are of too susceptible in nature it's in your spirit the young gentleman coughed and as said Mrs. Todgers as to Mr. Jenkins I must beg of you if we are to part to understand that I don't abet Mr. Jenkins by any means far from it I could wish that Mr. Jenkins would take a lower tone in this establishment and would not be the means of raising differences between me and gentlemen that I can much less bear to part with than I could with Mr. Jenkins Mr. Jenkins is not such a border sir added Mrs. Todgers that all considerations of private feeling and respect give way before him quite the contrary I assure you the young gentleman was so much mollified by these and similar speeches on the part of Mrs. Todgers that he and that lady gradually changed positions so that she became the injured party and he was understood to be the injurer but in a complimentary not in an offensive sense his cruel conduct being attributable to his exalted nature and to that alone so in the end the young gentleman withdrew his notice and assured Mrs. Todgers of his unalterable regard and having done so went back to business goodness me Mrs. Pexniffs cried that lady as she came into the back room and sat wearily down with her basket on her knees and her hands folded upon it what a trial of temper it is to keep a house like this you must have heard most of what has just passed now did you ever hear the like never said the two Mrs. Pexniffs of all the ridiculous young fellows that I ever had to deal with resumed Mrs. Todgers that is the most ridiculous and unreasonable Mr. Jenkins is hard upon him sometimes but not half as hard as he deserves to mention such a gentleman as Mr. Jenkins in the same breath with him you know it's too much and yet he's as jealous of him bless you as if he was his equal the young ladies were greatly entertained by Mrs. Todgers as account no less than with certain anecdotes illustrative of the youngest gentleman's character which she went on to tell them Mr. Pexniff looked quite stern and angry and when she had concluded said in a solemn voice pray Mrs. Todgers if I may inquire what does that young gentleman contribute towards the support of these premises why serve for what he has he pays about 18 shillings a week said Mrs. Todgers 18 shillings a week repeated Mr. Pexniff taking one week with another as near that as possible said Mrs. Todgers Mr. Pexniff rose from his chair folded his arms looked at her and shook his head and do you mean to say ma'am is it possible Mrs. Todgers that for such a miserable consideration as 18 shillings a week a female of your understanding can so far do you mean herself as to wear a double face even for an instant I am forced to keep things on the square if I can sir faltered Mrs. Todgers I must preserve peace among them the connection together if possible Mr. Pexniff the profit is very small the profit cried that gentleman laying great stress upon the word the profit Mrs. Todgers you amaze me he was so severe that Mrs. Todgers shed tears the profit repeated Mr. Pexniff the profit of dissimulation to worship the golden calf of bale for 18 shillings a week don't in your own goodness be too hard upon me Mr. Pexniff cried Mrs. Todgers taking out her handkerchief oh calf calf cried Mr. Pexniff mournfully oh bale bale oh my friend Mrs. Todgers to barter away that precious jewel self-esteem and cringe to any mortal creature for 18 shillings a week he was so subdued and overcome by the reflection that he immediately took down his hat in the passage and went out for a walk to compose his feelings anybody passing him in the street might have known him for a good man at first sight for his whole figure teamed with a consciousness of the moral homily he had read to Mrs. Todgers 18 shillings a week just most just I sent your upright pexniff had it been for the sake of a ribbon star or garter sleeves of lawn a great man's smile a seat of parliament a tap upon the shoulder from a courtly sword a place a party or a thriving lie or 18,000 pounds or even 1,800 but to worship the golden calf for 18 shillings a week oh pitiful pitiful end of chapter 10