 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart, and I'm so excited you're joining me for this video today. Our topic, the two ways to choose a good man in a sea of, in a pond of frogs. The two ways to choose a good man in the pond of frogs. All right, these videos are my Saturday morning videos, very similar to the videos in my private membership group called Midlife Love Mastery, where I shoot videos based on the question, your questions. So if you're interested in the group, check out the link below too in the description in the comment section. Okay, the two ways to choose a good man in a pond of frogs, and frogs, frogs, frogs. Okay, so the idea, okay, here's the thing about the idea of frogs. Frogs are those people who are not intentional about being in a committed relationship. They're emotionally unavailable to be in a relationship. They're emotionally immature to be in a relationship. They have commitment issues. They have trust issues. That's the pond of frogs that we're dealing with, and so from a woman's perspective, I can share with you, or I could suspect that's very frustrating. By the way, for the record, we men are dealing with the same thing. Women are just, you know, can be committment phobic, emotion unavailable, emotionally immature and such. So the pond is relatively the same of men and women, but since this is a channel about women understanding men, we're going to talk about those men. Now, here's the reality. 50% of men are just incapable of being in a relationship. I mean, they're just not capable to move into partnership for one reason or other. Most of the time it's because of severe childhood wounds and traumas that they haven't addressed. And I'm sure you've even heard of avoidant personality behavior or anxious personality behavior that weighs into this. So if you're not familiar with the book Attached, please check out the book Attached so you can understand some of these behaviors and also check out the Hoffman process to understand these behaviors as well. But here's the reality. Most women choose men based on these two things. Most women choose men based on these two things. They choose it based on their feelings, or they choose men based on familiarity. I'm going to repeat that based on feelings or familiarity. Now feelings oftentimes is the feeling of lust. It's the feeling of limerence. It's the feeling of infatuation. Oftentimes, this is based on our egoic way of life. Our ego is fueling the bus. This is why the book The Rules is so popular because it panders to the egoic way of choosing a mate. Now, it's not the healthy way of choosing the mate, but it's the egoic way of choosing the mate. That selfish internal desire based on our feelings is oftentimes the way people choose a partner. The other thing that they oftentimes do is they choose a partner based on familiarity. And what I mean by familiarity, it's our childhood upbringing. If you're not familiar with the book Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hendricks, you have to get this book. This explains why you might choose people in your life that are very similar to your parents. One or both of your parents. Oftentimes, it's your opposite-sex parent. That emotionally unavailable person, that a distant person, that avoidant personality type. I'm not saying always, but most of the time. And if you're an avoidant woman, you tend to choose anxious men because that's what's familiar to you. When you understand why this happens, you're ready to make new choices because that's what I'm going to lean in today. Because, let me just, this is my, oh, today I choose joy. Since we're going to make a choice, let's choose joy today. And again, these are similar to my morning cup of Jonathan videos. By the way, the shirt says there is no spoon. There is no spoon. That's what the shirt is today. It's a reference to, by the way, we'll see if you know the reference. If you know what movie this is from, please post a comment below. There is no spoon. But actually, it relates our conversation today. Those two choices relate to the following. You have a choice. You can choose the red pill or the blue pill. Just like the movie talks about, the red pill or the blue pill. And oftentimes, people are choosing the blue pill. In other words, based on feelings, based on familiarity. But today, we're going to lean into something deeper. We're going to lean into something deeper. Oh, I just realized I haven't cursed yet today. All right, I'm going to say fuck. I'm trying to be better at it, but I just can't help myself. All right. So the two ways to choose a man. First is clarity. Clarity. Clarity. The clarity around your past patterning. Your clarity around choosing based on feelings, based on familiarity. Because when you get clear of why you did something a certain way in the past, you can be setting yourself up for success in the future. Oftentimes, this requires a deep dose. I'm going to do an injection, a deep dose of something that I call self-love. And if you're not familiar with my book, What the Heck is Self-Love? Anyway, please check out the link below. It's in the description. When we get clarity on ourselves and when we have compassion for ourselves, when we understand ourselves, we actually begin to make better choices. And to follow up with clarity, and this is something I'm a master at in my coaching practice, is what I call vetting, vetting. So first is clarity, next is vet. But clarity around your past patterning and choosing based on feelings. And the second clarity is actually based on vetting. In other words, choosing men based on compatibility, compatibility. Now I know and choosing men based on creating roots to trust and choosing men based on their character. Matter of fact, this is all that I what I teach in my private coaching practice. So for those, by the way, I'm so grateful I've had so many women work with me through my private coaching practice. They've said at the end of the five week boot camp, Oh my God, why didn't they teach us this in school? Why didn't they teach us this when I was younger? Why didn't I learn this 10 years ago? So I learned how to vet for emotionally mature men, because in the book getting the love you want, we're oftentimes choosing a pattern and not because we're choosing based on on vetting them. In fact, I created a workbook called improve your GPS which stands for improve your guide picking system. So I can teach you how to vet better for those emotionally mature men whose actions match their words. They take personal responsibility for their choices. They know how to fight there and what I mean is good conflict resolution skills. They have empathy and they are transparent with their feelings. That's what I can help you with because when you have clarity and vetting skills, in fact, clarity breeds confidence and confidence breeds better choices. I'm going to repeat that clarity breeds confidence, confidence breeds better choices. This is all about getting crystal clear and I know you ladies all think you know you're clear and it's interesting because I speak to you all the time. You go, I know what I want, Jonathan, I know what I want. I put you through my program and afterwards I hear the same thing over and over again. I wished I learned this 10 years ago. If you were so crystal clear, you wouldn't even be watching these videos right now and that's what I want to encourage you to do. Get clear and learn how to vet because those are two good ways. These are two ways to choose a good man in a pond of frogs, frogs, frogs, frogs, frogs, frogs, frogs. All right. I hope you found value in this video. Do you have any thoughts? Do you have any comments? Post a question below. I read all the questions. I do my best to read and respond to them. Again, if something like this video resonates with you and you'd like a personal touch, check out my link below to my Life Love Mastery membership group because these are this group. You can ask me questions and I shoot videos just like this personalized for you. All right. I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye now.