 What did you say, Mal? Nothing. Please. Sham. I said, just because something looks ugly doesn't mean that it's morally wrong. You think dead children aren't morally wrong? No. I'm just saying that if you took up close pictures of my vagina while I was on my period, it would be disturbing, but it doesn't make it wrong. Excuse me? Do what you want, do what you want, do what you want, do what you want. That is probably... You used it all the time. I know. I think it's the top song that randomly pops into my head. That's the top song on my brain playlist. Okay. Welcome back to Life Lessons in Film. Hello. Hi. Today we're going to be making sense of life through Lady Bird. You forget. I did for a second. I also forgot. Brief, you know, summary. Summary. Summary, sorry. I've always mispronounced it. Brief summary. You know that summary. I'm just kidding. I know. I know. People have nothing more serious. Yeah. Brief summary. It follows a girl named Christine, but she goes by Lady Bird. Her and her family live in Sacramento. It really just follows her through her last year, senior year in high school as she's getting ready to hopefully go to college. You know, it goes through her struggles as a teenager dealing with crushes and romance and friends. Popularity. Popularity and trying to discover yourself, your identity, things you like, things that you're good at. Wanting things or thinking that other people's lives are better than yours. Yeah. Imagining that there's a better life out there and you're not living it. The movie focuses a lot on the relationship between her and her mom. Yeah. I think that's the main. Yeah. The thing about Lady Bird, I feel like a lot of teenagers will be able to relate to her. Everything, when you were a teenager, you felt like everything that ever happened to you mattered to the highest degree and everything was all about you and you wouldn't be even thinking about it in a selfish way. You didn't have like these delusions of grandeur about yourself. Because I think you don't have enough different experiences and learned enough about different kinds of people that you do feel like, am I the only one that wants more out of life or, you know, not realizing that a lot of people are actually like their parents say, she probably sees them and it's like, oh, they seem so boring now or something. Not realizing that they got to that point. They were like her too at one point, you know, but you just kind of have these gaps in your understanding of things. It makes you feel, I don't know, so exasperated all the time. When you're a teenager, right, you don't have a lot of world experience, right? You are still forming the world view. It's hard for you to even actually understand what is going on with you internally. It is just this complete mess, sometimes it just feels like a complete mess. Lady Bird, right? As she's doing all of these things, it just looks like she's just, you know, just killing everybody in her like, in her path. She's just, you know, she's dating Danny, who she thinks is cute and really into theater and she likes that, but then finds out he's gay, so she's hurt. And so, okay, well, the theater people kind of hurt me. So now I want to be with like the cool aloof kids because that's kind of you, like, well, maybe that's where I fit. And then she finds, oh, this is really hard because to stay cool all the time and the part where, you know, she's kind of faking it okay. Like the one girl's kind of like, okay, I guess you're all right. You know, you're kind of helping me out with something. And then the guy, Kyle's also kind of like, I guess you're cool, you know, but then when they're waiting for her to pick her up to drive to the prom and they end up, you know, to something not to, they're talking before she gets in the car like, she's kind of weird, right? Yeah, she's kind of weird. So, you know, she's not even really able to fake it with them. I think she's weird. She is weird. That's just not who she is. And then she realizes like, I'm just not one of these people. Yeah. But you kind of have to try that a little bit to kind of really see, okay, Julie, the person that we can just snack on stuff and just say the silliest things with each other and be really, you know, close in that way. I appreciate that. And I like Lady Bird for the fact that she's hustling, you know, there are people who just kind of like, accept and sit back, but she's hustling, she's failing every single time. She's always hopeful, maybe this is going to work out. The way I decided to take notes for this movie is very, very minimalistic. I just wrote lines, I love you, or I love you, but do you like me? And then her mom is like, I love you. Yeah, but you like me. And I like that because normally you hear the distinction, the one to make a distinction the other way around where people would be like, yeah, of course I like you. And they would be like, do you love me? Like say that someone's interested in wanting to be romantic. And then they emphasize, no, but do you love me? It's different. In this case, it's kind of the other way around. She's like, yeah, of course you love me because you're daughter or whatever, you love your kids unconditionally or whatever. But it's like, it's different because you can love your kids. It doesn't mean you can get along with them. Exactly. Not the same person. And then I like that. That was something that a lot of people, families deal with, especially because there is that unconditional love thing that's just attached to it. But that doesn't mean that you even really have much in common when you all develop into your own person. Exactly. Lady Bird's with her mom and she's shopping for a prom dress. And you know, like they're going through things and then at one point she puts on one Lady Bird and she likes it. And then her mom was like, I think it's a bit pink. Yeah. Right? And then, and you know, and you can get a sense from their relationship that this happens a lot. And her mom is always finding little things to knock her down. Why they always are getting into fights. And but it's so, they're so used to this dynamic that they can be in thrift stores looking for stuff and they'll start yelling at each other and then it'll be like, oh, but this is cute. Like it's kind of like right outside. You guys okay? But for them, it's normal, which in a way is good. I think that they kind of clearly know that they're personally upset, but at the same time, they kind of keep repeating it too. And you know, her mom's like, do you want me to lie? Yeah. She's like, but it would be just nice to hear you kind of like say something nice without that need to also undermine the thing you said, the compliment, the back kind of compliment or something, you know? The whole time, every single thing that she wants, her mom wants exactly the opposite. You know, she wants to move to New York and the mom's like, why don't you just stick around here? It's always cutting her down. It seems like she's always, it always, it seems like she's always cutting her down in so many ways. None of her ideas ever just get a thumbs up from her mom. Exactly. It's just a viable I think for her to ask, do you like me, parent? Because the way you seem to have been treating me my whole life doesn't seem to reinforce that. Exactly. Clearly they care about each other. And then when Lady Bird is having a bad day, the mom is like, do you want to do that thing that we do on the weekends right now? And they go like house shopping, showing, even though obviously they're not going to buy the stuff they, yeah. Which is interesting that they both kind of have this thing. So it's one of those where Lady Bird probably feels like, I don't even, I'm so different from my mom, but they both have that kind of feeling of wishing maybe that their situation be a little different. Like her mom was saying at one point, she's like, you know, we were hoping to move at some point. This wasn't going to be the place we'd stay at for 25 years. So it's not like we're totally okay with their situation. No, it's like we had other aspirations as well, you know. Exactly. We didn't think we'd be in this house for 25 years. We thought we would have moved some place better. Whatever we give you, it's never enough. It's never enough. It is enough. Do you have any idea what it costs to raise you and how much you're just throwing away every day? The relationship is really complicated. They care about each other, but they fight all the time. And they hurt each other a lot. You know, I think that's another thing. When people who love each other are so good at hurting each other, they know exactly which buttons to push. Like when Marion finds out that Lady Bird has applied to New York, gives her the silent treatment. And Lady Bird is desperate. Marion knows that this is how I just like twist the knife. You know what I mean? And she's just like, please begging her. You know what I mean? Please, mom, please. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I appreciate everything you've done for me. I'm ungrateful and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I wanted more. Please, talk to me. I know I'm so bad. I know I am. But please just talk to me, mom. Mom, please talk to me. Is Marion a good mom, right? You know, you question those kinds of things versus the other times when you can see that this person is working like crazy. Her husband isn't out of work. She's trying to give Lady Bird all she can. All that she needs to be able to be OK, right? And so in those ways, you can see the sacrifices that Marion makes and those things attest to love. And you know what I mean? That's the stuff that makes this relationship so complicated and I think so true to what happens in life. Lady Bird, on the other hand, is completely disgruntled by her humble household that she comes from versus the rich kids that she goes to school with. A lot of the times as parents, it's so hard to say, Annie, I'm broke. Yeah, I mean, money just always complicates relationships because, you know, at one point, her mother says something where she's like, well, do you know how much it costs to raise a kid, which obviously can kind of then feel like, well, you know, there's other things involved than just paying for stuff. You also need to be a supportive parent and emotionally there for your kid, like, you know, just having a roof over your head is not doing everything you can that you need to as a parent. But when you are the one now keeping the family afloat and you're working double shifts and all this stuff, then, understandably, that is still an important component to her feeling like maybe resentful, like Lady Bird feeling kind of spoiled or out of touch when it's like, do you know what I'm going through, you know? That's one of the things that happens with Lady Bird as she starts to see other people's lives and experiences outside of her own is, you know, we see that she didn't know that her dad was living with depression, you know? Is dad depressed? Why do you ask that? The pills, they have dad's name on them. Dad's been struggling with depression for years. I didn't know that. All of these people have their own separate lives and their major things happening in their lives, right? Because a lot of the times, especially with parents, you kind of forget that they're human beings, you know? Because obviously, like, as a kid, there is that kind of like necessary narcissism, you know, where it's all me, me, me, right? But like, obviously, as you grow up, that's when you then start to care for the people just as they care for you, be understanding. And you know, her ending high school, you're becoming an adult at the end of the day, these are the beginnings of adulthood. And part of that is realizing that now you have to start to see your parents differently, like as actual human beings. When the mom talks about, we also had dreams, we also wanted to have a bigger place, you know what I mean? It's just those little things, I think, help her be... Take yourself out of her own ego. Exactly, when she goes into Lady Bird's room and then she's complaining about how messy it is. Why don't you just put things away? And then Lady Bird is like, weren't you a teenager? Didn't you also struggle? Did you put your things away immediately when your mom gave you grief? Did you like that? Did you remember how horrible it was? And then the mom is like, well, my mom was an alcoholic and she just leaves, right? So obviously there's probably a history of challenges on the mom's end that is another window to your parent as a child, realizing that, you know, my mom isn't just a mom. She is Marion, her name is Marion. She used to be a kid like me. And it sucked just like my life sucks right now. Another line I really liked was when after she hooked up with Kyle, she's struggling with stuff and sharing it with them. And he's kind of like, well, I mean, put things in perspective. Kind of saying like, first world problems now. You know, there's like a war going on right now. So like, your problems aren't exactly the same thing. And she's like, yeah, but not everything is war. And you can still be sad about other things. I like that because it's kind of like where you kind of go in a, what an 80, 360 with stuff where at first when you discover the idea of like, hey, remember, keep things perspective. Other people have it harder. You're like, okay, cause that is an important thing to remember is like, there's always someone that is struggling with something more than you. So don't treat it like the end of the world what you're going through. However, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have to deal with stuff or be allowed to deal with the stuff that you're going through. Cause it's still real and important as well. And it hurts when he says that, where he's like, well, you know, there are people going through or whatever you find out that, oh, his dad has cancer. And so to him, you know, in that space, which I really liked in this movie as much as there's a lot that we see when it comes to other characters in terms of backstory, there are little things that give you an idea of why it is that they would be saying that kind of stuff. The dad is on the brink of passing because of cancer. You know what I mean? So this guy is dealing with huge things, you know, as a teenager, your priorities shift. You know what I mean? Things I used to matter, like which girl am I going to take to prom? Don't really matter when your dad has cancer. It's a huge deal for someone who isn't dealing with death, you know what I mean? And so that's also fair. But these two people, there's, again, they're still teenagers and they don't understand that they can give each other their issues, their experiences the same respect, you know what I mean? And that's okay. And it's learning that people are in different situations and not everyone's gonna be caring about one thing or another, realizing as you try and engage with people more and have those experiences, you realize, oh, the thing that I am the most focused on right now is not everyone's main priority. And there are a lot of reasons for that. It might be something else on their mind or something else that they're just more interested in. I like her relationship with Danny too. It was one of the things where, you know, before that we were seeing Lady Bird just being like, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, right? And then Danny is discovered to be gay, right? And in Danny's mind, he's the profligate child. He starts crying because he comes from a Catholic home and the family finds out he's gonna be disowned, right? And so that's pretty much, yeah, like that's a huge deal, right? And so understandably, he's crying and he's just kind of like, please don't, I know I hurt you, but please don't tell anyone. And Lady Bird completely forgets about her hurt and just kind of, you know, holds him and says, I don't worry, I'm not gonna say anything. So that's, that was the beginning, right? Like of us seeing like, yeah, no, she's not a bad girl, you know, she's just a teenager. Another line that I liked is when she's with a nun principal. She's like principal of the school, but she's also a nun. She's talking about like the stuff that you wrote wasn't like essays or something. Yeah, it was, I think it was her college essay. College essay. They were reviewing and she was learning about Sacramento, yeah. I didn't realize you clearly love your town. She's like, no, I don't like Sacramento, what do you mean? And then she's like, well, the amount of detail and everything and attention you put into your descriptions and everything, she's like, oh, I guess I pay attention. I don't know, is that kind of the same thing? Love and attention, like to pay attention to something that much, you know, you must have some kind of connection and like that because it is a great way to frame that. And there's some wisdom there from the nun because she also talks about where she's like, I wasn't offended by the prank that you pulled like, for us a nun. Actually, that was funny. She's got a sense of humor. It wasn't me. I'm not going to punish you. Oh, why not? It was funny. Sister Gita and I drove all the way home before we noticed people were honking. Really? To be fair, I wasn't just married to Jesus. It's been 40 years. Well, he's a lucky guy. She's a goof drop. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, she's a goof drop. When it comes to people, especially family, I think, you want them to really be attentive to you as a person. You want to feel understood by them. When you're sad, you want them to see you're sad. And when you have needs and dreams, you want them to understand your needs and your dreams and not fight you on them without even explaining, you know? You want them to not make you feel like you're making poor choices or you're not good enough. Yeah, I'm sorry that I wanted more. Oh yeah, I love that. You know, it's that like feeling bad for wanting a better situation or wanting to follow your dreams. But it's just like guilt, but also this kind of feeling like you're disappointing other people because you want change or improvement or to get out of the situation. Yeah, that was a really hard thing. I'm getting emotional. I think it's so hard for Marion. She wanted to give Lady Bird more. And she also wanted more for her life as we find out. And every time when Lady Bird says, I want to go live in the woods, I want better, I want to go to New York, this place sucks, you know what I mean? It's just kind of like shots, shots, shots, shots, shots. Everybody! All the time, like you're a bad parent and you didn't do good enough. And on top of, you know, how Lady Bird never wants her dad to drop her off at the school, she's like, oh, wow, both of them know, like you are ashamed of us, you know what I mean? Yeah, she's always just saying they live on the wrong side of the tracks. And that's the thing I think Lady Bird doesn't realize is, yeah, her mom does take digs at her a lot, but a lot of times Lady Bird's doing the same thing to her mom and isn't realizing it. Exactly. So that's what kind of triggers her mom and then maybe that's what makes her mom want to make those snide comments back. Yeah, I feel so heartbroken for Marion. I'm also heartbroken for Lady Bird because your dreams are your dreams and you should never apologize. I'm sympathetic to both of them and to their pain because of course the shots coming from Lady Bird, they hurt Marion's to the extent that she's then passive aggressive towards Lady Bird. Lady Bird has no idea why. When Lady Bird is interpreting that, she's interpreting that as, you don't like me and you think I'm just like this, you know. Spoil the disappointment. Spoil brat, exactly. You know what I mean? During the argument about money, Lady Bird is like, yeah, just tell me, give me a number. How much did it cost? I'll pay you back. The hurt that Marion inflicts on Lady Bird is where then Lady Bird is like, you know, I'm sorry I wanted more. You know, clearly the things that I want are hurting you. I'm sorry I wanted more, but that's what I want. You'll never be able to predict what your, what dreams your kids will have. Your kids will have, exactly. So you kind of have to be able to go with it. Often where you can and ask where you can help. Exactly, instead of fighting and feeling like a failure all the time. You know, she has this idea that the place she's at and all the people there are not good enough for what she wants her life to be. Finally gets to New York and then, not that I don't think it's necessarily like she wants to move back, like she regrets it, but she's also learning experiences there and that it's not all necessarily as much of a utopian dream that she thought it would be. And she was also getting annoyed at all the people that seemed lacking like spirituality. Hey. Hey. Do you believe in God? No. Why not? They're like, it's ridiculous. People call each other by names that their parents made up for them but they won't believe in God. This is where people are complicated. It's like she doesn't like the all girls Catholic school which she felt is probably oppressive and had issues but she also still had her faith in her own way, right? So at one point she visits a church in New York just to kind of get that sense back. That she felt like she was struggling to meet people that had that or that it's still a part of her and a part of home that is still important to her. I felt like that ending consolidated everything, beautifully, her finally getting to New York and realizing that this guy, she needs a guy at a party and it's kind of like the Kyle of Sacramento. The whole time she felt like, New York, New York, that's where everybody culture is. And it's like, no, culture is not in a place. Culture is where people with culture are. You know what I mean? That could be in Sacramento too. People that you connect with, they're everywhere. They're not in a specific place. You know what I mean? So that's about it. Some things that we pondered from Lady Bird. If you watched it, please let us know. You thought of it, share your thoughts on our thoughts. Yeah, we'd love to hear your take on it. Yeah. Absolutely. Till next time though, okay? Bye. Thanks for watching. Thanks for watching.