 The Narcissist loves you one minute, but hates you the next, part two, although the Narcissist claims to hate you so much, although they claim that you are so worthless and insignificant, and that you don't deserve their care or support, they still continue to stick around. The reason for this is because they need you, they need you to function. Whatever you are given to them or however you are making them feel is the reason why they're still with you. You're giving them attention, you're managing their emotions, you're their punching bag whenever they're angry or upset, you're validating their false self and the illusion that they want to portray, you're funding their lifestyle, or maybe they just can't stand to see you being happy with someone else, maybe that would only remind them that they are dysfunctional as they cannot maintain a healthy functional relationship with you, and they don't want you to become that reminder to them. The Narcissist may act as though they can't stand to be around you, but they're actually very comfortable in these situations, they are comfortable in dysfunctional environments, it gives them the opportunity to express their own self-hatred and project it onto someone else through devaluing and degrading you. Their family or friends would not tolerate what you have to deal with, they would not accept the words or names that you are called every day, they might not even believe that you are in a relationship with a narcissist, they are very good at deceiving people, just as they deceived you, the narcissist may act as though they can't stand to be around you, but they will not leave you, they will not leave you because they cannot deal with failure, if they were to leave you that would mean that they made a mistake, it's too much for them to deal with and they need to keep you on a string where you are constantly trying to meet their impossible expectations, so that they then have a reason to be bitter and resentful towards you. The narcissist cannot accept that someone who is good is not perfect, in the narcissist mind everyone has a rank according to their relative status or authority, you are either above their status or below it, if they believe that you are above them they will envy you and treat you as though you are beneath them, if they genuinely believe that you are beneath them they will still treat you with disrespect, this is due to their poor emotional development, they struggle with whole object relations, they lack the ability to form integrated, realistic and relatively stable image of themselves and other people that simultaneously includes both liked and dislike aspects, both strengths and flaws, they lack the ability to see our state of being whole, what brings us together and drives our sense of humanity as a collective, whole object relations is what allows us to see another person's qualities and abilities in a way where they are combined to form an integrated and realistic whole, this is where we can accept that people can be good yet still do mean or hurtful things, we can forgive people who act in ways that are not to be desired or approved of because we understand that we are all human, we understand that we all do things wrong from time to time which is why we often forgive narcissists for what they do to us, even things that should never be forgiven, the narcissists cannot comprehend this, they have a dualistic mentality, black or white thinking, where they see people as all good or all bad, in the narcissist mind and if you are no longer special or important to them, you now have a low status, you are now beneath them, they will now see you as one of the most worthless people in society, the lowest of the low, this is how they can go from making you feel like the most important person in the world to making you feel like you are completely worthless, where they now believe that there is nothing good about you, there is nothing to counteract or correct your negative qualities or traits, they see you as being inherently bad or defective, they believe that this means you now deserve to be truly or unfairly treated, they don't believe that they can have a stable relationship with you if there are setbacks, conflicts or disagreements, they struggle with object constancy, if you make a mistake or do something to hurt them, even if it wasn't intentional, they will still feel as though you are out to get them, this is why it is so easy for them to devalue and degrade you and treat you as though you are beneath them, but they know that you see them differently than they see you, they know that you do have object constancy and this is something that they will take advantage of, they know that you will stay with them despite the abuse, because you will remember that good side of them, the false character that they displayed to you at the beginning, they know that you will remember the times when they did treat you right, even though it wasn't real, even though it was nothing more than a deceptive outward appearance, it's just a part of the cycle of the abuse, they keep you hooked on them like a drug and hoping to see the good side of them again, even when they are being kind or friendly, it's still a part of the abuse, it's still designed to keep you locked into the abuse of cycle, the narcissist's objective is to keep you locked into this cycle of abuse, to keep you locked into this cycle of abuse and fake affection, this is what they were really looking for when they targeted you, this is their ideal relationship, it satisfies their conception of what is perfect or most suitable, they will promise you that they are going to change, they will act as though they do appreciate you, but this is just a part of the abusive cycle and it is designed to keep you around, they will give you false promises and use future faking, it's never real or genuine, they have no intention of changing anything, if you could look into the future and see what it would be like with them, five, ten years down the line, you would see that nothing has changed, if anything, the abuse would likely have escalated, they would probably be even more controlling and manipulative towards you, they don't want anything to change and they don't believe that they have to change, they see themselves as a victim, so they believe that it is you who needs to change to accommodate them, they will never see things in the way that you do, they will always see you as their rival or opponent, someone who they need to keep beneath them, and that is why they are always in opposition to you, whatever you like or are interested in, whether it's a song or a tv show, a favourite colour, they always have to be in opposition to you, they always have to go against whatever you like or are interested in, they can never be on the same page as you, they cannot allow you to exist in your own power and strength as a sovereign individual, they don't want you to have your own moral or natural right to bodily integrity and to be the exclusive controller of your own life, that's why they are always in opposition to anything that you like or are interested in, that's why they always have to disagree with anything that you say, they cannot be around someone who is confident in their own likes and interests, their own values and beliefs, so they have to be opposed to anything that you are doing, it creates self doubt, it makes you lack confidence in yourself and creates a backwards person who needs constant validation and reassurance, which then keeps you locked into the cycle of abuse with a narcissist, it makes you feel as though you can't just live without them, as though your only option is to stay and be abused by them, you have to leave them and never look back, it doesn't matter how they've defined you, or if they've told you that you don't deserve anything greater, you deserve so much more than what they're given to you, you deserve to be admired and appreciated, you deserve respect, you may never get this from the narcissist, but you can give it to yourself, the first step towards respecting yourself is to walk away from the abuse, understand that you deserve better, understand that you deserve respect, thank you for watching, I hope this video resonated with you, please like, comment, share and subscribe, click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos, if you would like to donate, my paypal link is in the video description, coaching enquiries, acneema me and ask for other coaching at juma.com, thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.