 My name is Sam Bob Kalchukmult. I am Coast Salish from Bank of Ireland and am a residential school survivor. My name is Jennifer Bruseau. My traditional name is Wabishki Megizi Ikwe, White Eagle Woman. We're here to help guide you through this course. Traditional teachings from our shared experiences Indigenous Peoples are an important part of embracing our new family and parenting after separation. Fortunately, we have to make good decisions for our children after separation. Not all separations will look alike. So we're all available to help each other through separations. We might learn that we're not alone in the decision making or separation and that we might learn some ideas from other parents that are going through the same thing. So you need to find other resources that will fill in the places that are missing now. Who are the resources in your family that can help you? What are the resources in the community that can help you and your children? A lot of our ceremonies are still intact and we have a lot of knowledge keepers that are starting to come forward. And to me, ceremony is very important and the children need to feel that kind of peace as well. Colonization and residential schools have led to intergenerational trauma for Indigenous Peoples. Trauma refers to a highly stressful event or series of events that cause lasting emotional, physical, spiritual and mental harm. This harm can lead to negative effects on a person's thoughts, feelings and behaviors. When trauma is ignored and there is no support in dealing with it, the trauma can be passed from one generation to the next. This is what we mean when we refer to the term intergenerational trauma. For each individual, it is experienced differently even if we don't feel it ourselves. We may see it outside ourselves in our communities or cities. I remember him and I arguing a few times in front of the boys and I told them we can't be doing that. I don't want my boys to get to the point where they need to choose their mom or their dad. I don't want that. And you know, like, I think that was important to have that sure, that respect for each other. Many people are learning healthy ways to care for one another as a result of intergenerational trauma we have experienced in our families. It's important for all Indigenous Peoples to look at the root causes of trauma It's important for all Indigenous Peoples to look at the root causes of domestic violence know what resources are available and reflect on how communities can heal. Most violence in relationships involves male abusers and female victims but it can also happen in same gender relationships. Domestic violence is an abuse of power within relationships when there is intimacy, trust and dependency. Christina Dragan tells us about her own experience. I knew that I didn't want my two sons, my beautiful two sons to think that mistreating women was okay. So I made the decision to end our relationship and to become a single mom. I was so scared at the time I had no idea what I was doing but thankfully I still had my role models and my supports to help me. What do you believe your children need from each of their parents? If your child could put their thoughts and feelings about the separation into a letter to you, what would it look like? Children have said the following about ways their parents can help. Dear mom and dad, I'm just a kid, so please don't talk badly about my other parents. This makes me feel torn apart. It also makes me feel bad about myself. Don't talk about money or child support. This makes you feel guilty like you're treating me like a thing instead of your kid. Don't make me feel bad when I enjoy my time with my other parent. This makes me afraid to tell you things. Your children will have a lot of different emotions about the separation. Each child deals with these emotions in his or her own way. There are common feelings and behaviors you might see from your children during and after separation. An infant from birth to 12 months can notice when a parent is absent. They can sense when their parents are upset, but they don't understand what's happening. Children from one to three years develop a sense of self and an identity separate from their parents. They start to show that they are independent by saying no. Preschoolers show their stress by whining, clinging, being fearful or acting younger than their age. They might experience nightmares, confusion, aggression, sadness, and neediness. In some cases, they might even present perfect behavior. Children between the ages 9 and 12 enter a time of increased independence and developing more outside interests. Friends are very important. For this reason, they tend to be concerned with what others think, especially their peers. Now let's look at ways that you as parents can support your children through the separation. For children ages 9 to 12, you can help by accepting and encouraging your child to talk about feelings, avoiding power struggles, setting structure and routines, and developing predictable visits and schedules. For teenagers, be available if your teen wants to talk. If they ask for help, you can reach out to school staff or other professionals. Separation can make you feel isolated and alone, but it doesn't need to stay this way. This lesson will show who can help. A source of support for you and your family during the process of separation can be to receive guidance from an elder. Elders are important knowledge keepers who are recognized by their nation and the community for upholding cultural values and offering wisdom and teachings. They lead by example and are dedicated teachers. They offer holistic guidance to individuals or families, which means that when you seek their advice, elders will encourage you to think about how the issues impact you and your children at an emotional, physical, mental and spiritual level so you can grow and create balance in your life. Family Justice Counselors or FJCs are mediators who are employed by the BC Ministry of Attorney General. These mediators work in Family Justice Centers and Justice Access Centers across the province. FJCs help parents to reach agreement about things like where the children will live and how much child support will be paid. Getting help from an FJC is free. My name is Anne Rubicamp, and I'm a Family Justice Counselor at the Victoria Justice Access Center. I am Ojibwe from Ontario. I would meet with each parent individually and explain our services and the options available to them. The best way to explain what mediation is is that both parties would meet with the Family Justice Counselor in the mediation room and both parties would provide a list of the topics they would like to cover in the mediation and then the mediator would assist the parties to go through that list and come up with an arrangement or an agreement that works in the best interest of their children. If you're unable to come to an agreement or there are portions of your mediation that you weren't able to agree to, the Family Justice Counselor could explain the court process to you and assist you with filling in the forms needed. Family Justice Counselors are impartial third parties. I don't make decisions for parents. I help guide them through the process and provide assistance through supports and referrals to anyone who comes to see me. There are other Indigenous resources and people who may support you during and after the separation. You can also keep an eye open for other community programs that heal families and support positive parenting with Indigenous teachings. Now, complete the exit survey and let us know how you'd like to receive your certificate of completion.