 I see success and happiness as two separate pursuits and don't expect happiness from success and don't expect success from happiness. Welcome everybody to the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm excited to have my good friend Jay Shetty here with us. If you don't know, if you're one of the four or five people left on the planet don't know who Jay is. Jay is a ex-monk who has over 37 million followers across all his social media platforms with 7.5 billion views of his videos and over 400 videos produced which are all great accolades but I think the biggest one for Jay is that he's also one of the nicest kindest humans I've ever met. When you're in the personal development space you meet a lot of people who are great on camera but then you meet them and they're not necessarily the same person I would say that Jay is even more of the person that he is on camera and the only I always say that there's a few people I've met that are nicer than Jay and one of them happens to be his wife so she's awesome as well and she's also puts out some incredible videos on social media as well and in Jay man it's great to have you. It's great to talk about this new book and to dive in and I'm excited that you're here man. Rob that is by far the sweetest introduction I've ever had and you're about to see a tear drop from my eye honestly it's just keep going trying to go on. No man that's so kind of you honestly like I'm humbled just hearing it from you and the feeling is very mutual you know we connected the first time we met we were both very early in both of our journeys and I think that it's been fun to watch your journey and watch you grow and maintain our relationship throughout and as I was saying to you just before the few times that we have spent together they've been so deep and open and authentic and I just want to say thank you man and and and again just to remind everyone that literally is the story of my life people meet me and they think oh this guy's all right I like him yeah and then they meet my wife and then no one knows who I am anymore so that that is uh I experience that regularly. That's awesome that's good and uh and that's the crazy thing I was thinking about that today as well well we've only probably met in person three or four times whatever it was there was the very first time we ever met I came up to New York and I was on my way to literally leave for for three months and our mutual friend was like hey you need me up with Jay and you had like 250,000 followers at the time I had like 50,000 followers and then we went to Starbucks we went upstairs to your like rooftop area then we spoke for like three hours I was like man this could have been an incredible podcast episode and then the uh we left we came back we we met up with you again in New York and every time it's been like two three hour conversations um every time that we talk and uh it's crazy because we've only met up in person just a few times but every time it's like it's good it's good to catch up it's good to go deep and have people that you can have those real legitimate conversations with you know yeah we've also you know one thing I respect about you Robin and I love this about friendships that I feel like when you build a real deep bond with someone and we keep in touch regularly that we mess it back and forth we text a lot we yeah we text a lot on whatsapp and whatever but you kind of get into a space where you realize that you created a powerful relationship where you don't need to talk every week right to remain connected and feel like you know someone and I really value those relationships in my life because I feel as life goes on we all get more busy or we have so much going on and there's multiple things moving for everyone and and I really look to friends who are happy to have flexible adaptable evolving relationships where you still feel connected but but you allow the relationship to grow so I really value you for being one of those people yeah yeah and it's also good because you know if for it's funny because most of our text messages usually start where I come up across something like the Bhagavad Gita and I'm like I don't understand this can you help me like I'm like can you help me with the spiritual stuff and I'm like hey you know I'm watching Rod and Oswami talk about something like does he ever do events over in India can we go to India oh yeah I remember that I mean that is definitely something we're gonna have to do yeah once this COVID thing goes by but let's do this man let's dive into let's dive into you we've been talking about this for three years getting you on the podcast so before we dive into the book everything let's talk about you and how you got here your journey from you know when you were younger because you had you know a little bit crazier I guess it wasn't a crazier childhood but you happen to be a little bit crazier at some points in the childhood which is good and then you you had a big turning point in your life and and I want to talk about that and you had another big turning point after you became a monk where you decided to do what you're doing now so take us through that journey real quick if you would yeah for sure and feel free to cut in at any time but for sure yeah what Rob was referring to was you know I was I was born and raised in London and I'd say up until the age of 14 I was super obedient a good son worked really hard at school and and I'd say that I stuck with those ethics and values that my parents gave me I always wanted to be kind I always wanted to be a good person of people I never wanted to hurt anyone but I think everyone goes through this 14 year old to kind of like late teens period of just looking for a thrill in life right and that kind of takes you on different adventures different bad habits sometimes sometimes the wrong circles and I went on all of those because I knew that I was looking for a thrill and it's interesting because I really believe now that I was looking for meaning and purpose but I didn't know those words when I was 14 15 16 years old and so the word I knew was like I want a thrill I want to live on the edge I want that feeling of just testing the boundaries and the limits and so I got involved in things that I wouldn't want my kids to get involved and my parents were worried about me but when I was 18 I had this truly truly life changing moment and I really believe that we all get opportunities where people walk into our life or people walk out of our life which can change our trajectory forever and it can be either or and for me it was someone walking into my life and the person that walked into my life was one of the most unexpected people ever because it happened to be a monk from India and I was fascinated when I was 18 years old to hear from people who went from nothing to something people who'd really changed their life and gone from rags to riches and transform their situation and so I used to go in here celebrities CEOs entrepreneurs speak and I was invited to hear a monk speak and I thought well what am I going to learn from a monk and I had this massive limiting belief of just what do you learn from someone who has nothing like what's he going to teach me right yeah and so I had that kind of ego and I told my friends that I'll only go to this event if we go to a bar afterwards that's literally the state of my consciousness just to make it really clear about how unenlightened I am in my life and and how much these these memories really act as humility anchors in my life because I remember what I used to feel like at that time anyway I go to this event expecting nothing and I walk out feeling like I've gained everything because this monk is speaking about service about compassion about how the greatest gift you can give someone is to use your skills in their service and I'm thinking like what like all of us in this audience are chasing money status a comfy job a nice house a beautiful partner like that's what we're looking for and this guy's telling me that all of that is not the answer and so I realize now when I look back that the reason why that moment changed my life is I think that when I was 18 I'd met people who are happy sorry I take that back I mean the opposite I don't think I'd ever met anyone who is truly happy I'd met people who are rich I'd met people who are beautiful I'd met people who are attractive I'd met people who are powerful I'd met people who are intellectual but I don't think I'd ever met anyone who is truly happy and and I felt that from him so that was such a huge moment for me and like I said whether it's someone walking into your life or walking someone out of your life those can be huge transitionary moments for sure and so so then you when you saw him then you had this like back and forth of hanging out with monks still being you know kind of the same that you were hanging out with monks still being the same and then you made this big life decision of I'm going to go become a monk which means basically even away our possessions moving to India and becoming a monk so what was the reason why you decided to go and become a monk and and I guess through those three or four years that you were there what was it that you actually learned through it yeah I think one of my biggest reasons Rob was I really believed that I didn't want these amazing learnings and teachings that I was coming across about ego and humility and compassion I didn't want them to just be concepts that I heard about and talked about I wanted to be things that I could really live and I realized that I couldn't live them unless I was in a place where I could purify myself and what I mean by purifying is cleansing and healing these these wonderful qualities exist within each of us me and you and everyone in the world but we're all covered over with so much dust for sure that you can't see it so that was one reason the second reason was I thought what an amazing life to live of service what if all of my life could be dedicated to helping people I was given a lot of gifts growing up I was born in a safe and healthy family we weren't well off but we were safe and healthy how could I truly use that to help others and and then the third reason I'd say was I really felt that the wisdom that I learned being a monk I wanted to study it more and I wanted to share it more so it was like this human experiment of really wanting to be immersed and and thinking of how to be of service to people so those were probably my top three reasons of why I wanted to be a monk and it was an easy decision because I spent all of my summer vacations and Christmas holidays from 18 to 22 half of them I'd spend them working in a corporate company in London and the other half I'd spend them trying to spend time learning from the monks what you mentioned and so I was literally going from bars steak houses and suits to sleeping on the floor wearing robes and having cold showers every every holiday I had like kind of like my first split test or ab test yeah and I realized very clearly that the latter was more meaningful to me yeah so you know you were for I remember the first time we talked you said that was your life like that was going to be forever and eventually I think if I remember correctly your your guru pulled you off to the side and he was like hey Jay like I feel like there's something else you're supposed to be doing this world maybe you have a bigger purpose and and you need to go share this with people and I remember you saying it was it was like going through a divorce like it was like someone that you love breaking up with you and so with him saying that with him going through that so you're go from uprooting yourself to becoming a monk now you're a monk you've completely uprooted yourself you've got nothing and now you've got to go back to the real world so what what was that whole process like and then how did you come about you know what I'm going to start making videos online and start putting it out there it's it's literally the one of the toughest moments of my life it's not the toughest I think about tougher afterwards but it was one of the toughest moments of my life because when you go off to become a monk you literally give up all social respect influence status and recognition that's literally what you're doing is completely saying the becoming a monk is like the greatest rebellion because you're basically saying that the world that we're creating and chasing is not the answer and so I'm going to go off and do something totally extreme and so people in my life like my my parents have always been supportive but my extended family was like you're never going to get a job again people were like well if you ever come back you're never going to have any money people are going to be so much ahead of you when you come back so it's almost like I'd heard all of that when I left and I thought see you later I'm going to do this with the rest of my life and then all of a sudden three years after you're humbled because you're like oh they were right so in my head I'm worried about coming back to that reality and I had this conversation and one thing about thinking like a monk is that if you do it if you practice it you will get such a deep sense of self-awareness that you can often come to the realization that you're not a monk and that really was the realization that I came to was that really my path in purpose in life was to not be a monk and that's the hardest thing in the world it's like the realization of I don't think I'm meant to be in this career I don't think I'm meant to be potentially with this person I don't think I'm meant to be a monk and that's the hardest excavation but it's also the goal of thinking like a monk is to be closest to your truest self and so I came to that conclusion my teacher also said to me that they felt it was time for me to go on and and by the way at that time I had no idea what they even meant because all it meant to me was moving back in with my parents age 25 going on 26 with $25,000 worth of debt and all my friends now had settled into comfy jobs where in relationships we're living their life right I'd missed out on three years nearly four of normality so normality so I moved back in my parents I'm back in London and I traveled across London and Europe as a monk too so I'd visited back before and I get into a situation where I start realizing that for the first month I literally just let go of all my good habits the first thing I did was I went the first month from three years after three years the first month was my weakest month of practice I got back the first thing I did was going by like Capri's chocolate or something because I didn't eat chocolate for three years and I love chocolate and you know this we've I think we sat outside one one time we hung out with our partners we hung out a by Chloe that the sweets version in New York we just got a bunch of chocolate we're eating it yeah yeah so I eat chocolate now I'm plant-based but I eat chocolate plant-based chocolate and so I was so I did that I started listening to Drake again because Drake had like Drake had just become famous just before I became a monk like best I ever had when I was at university yeah three years to catch up of Drake three years of Drake to catch up on and Drake makes a lot of music I got back into watching football soccer because I've always been a huge football fan and so for the first month I woke up late ate junk food watched TV I think I caught up on all 13 seasons or whatever it was of uh how I met your mother oh my gosh you know I just I just let go because I was so to some degree the closest I've ever felt to depression where I just didn't know what I was doing all my life and I didn't know who to talk to because I didn't know who to trust or who really had my best interest who really understood me because how many how many people understand what it means like to want to dream to be a monk to fail at it and then to come back so yeah I got into a place and I'm giving you a lot of detail because I I feel like it's it you know it fills a lot of gaps that uh people may people may not know and I want to share with you openly because you're my friend so I was in that situation and about a month after I realized that if wisdom was true if I practiced it it should help me live in this world and that everything that I'd learned for the past three years were like going to school and this was the beginning of the exam right and if I changed my perspective that instead of saying I failed I actually realized I have completed school and that now that I've graduated I now have to put everything I've learned into practice if I view it in that way then actually this would could be a lot of fun and that I could actually lose some of the stress and pressure of like oh my god I need a job and I need money I need to figure this out so I reframed my perspective and there's that beautiful teaching from Wayne Dyer where she says uh when we change the way we look at things the things we look at change and and that was kind of like that moment where that piece of wisdom like really stuck and so what I did is every day I got ready and I would go to my local library I'd go to different libraries every week I would read the bug with Gita and the other Vedic texts and then on the other side I would read self-development business strategy and personal development books because I had grown up in a family where my dad had Deepak Chopra and Tony Robbins lying around all the time so I'd always been aware of that that world and so I started doing that and then I started applying for jobs because I needed to pay the bills and I couldn't live in my parents loft forever so I started applying to all these jobs and I got rejected by 40 companies that I think would have given me a job and they rejected me before interview and and the crazy thing is that you know I'm a first-class honours degree student I've been a straight A student my whole life and and all of a sudden I'm getting rejected this is new for me and and I'm sitting there going gosh this is not going well like where am I gonna go from here and so anyway I keep applying and finally I get a job at a company called Accenture which I'm really grateful for gave me a break and then I spend around two years at that company doing digital strategy social media innovation learning building my confidence up again just trying to focus in the world and one of the best things that happened is I got allowed to teach meditation a mindfulness across Accenture and across the corporate world because that was becoming such an interesting need at that time so I was almost living my passion in a corporate company so two years in I was like this is too meaningful that I'm gonna let it end here and I need to figure this out and I started to see the rise of social media and I realized it was powerful in sharing a message but I had a real big limiting belief that I didn't have the skills to do it and so I was trying to apply to media companies to get a job to be a video journalist or a vlogger inside a company because I was like oh that's the only way to get into the industry and so I was rejected by 10 media companies before interview because they said you don't have a media background a comms background or any of that stuff then I applied to I actually networked and chased down three executives in London media execs and one of them my chased him while he was riding his bike around London one of them I networked at an event one of them I found out that my family friend was friends with him my wife's family friends and then he connected us on a phone call and all three of them said to me they said you're too old to be in media mm-hmm you you are more stable at where you are now why are you even bothering and then you don't have any backgrounds in media you have no communications background you're not a presenter so what do you even have and you know at that time it was so discouraging because I was like what this is just not happening and so finally I ended up at an ethnic minority TV training day run by the BBC in London at a place called Pinewood Studios and I'm at the studios and they're running an ethnic minority TV training day which means there's six people in the room and everyone's brown and black and so I walk into this room and I'm like oh you're brown and brown you know like it's just like there's like six brown people black people in the room and and so we get this TV training day they're training us to be presenters because I went there to see if I even have the skills or if I could network or whatever but anyway they end the day and they're like Jay you you've got some skills like you're you're effective on camera and you can communicate but they were like there's no jobs in media and I was like well what you told six brown and black people to come here so you could tell us there's no job in media like that's great and they were like you should start a youtube channel and I was just like wow start a youtube channel and they were like no you should start a youtube channel I was just like you realize that only works for Justin Bieber literally that was my like I was like you realize there is no chance that's going to work for someone like me and and they were like no that's what you need to do I was like okay so then that was a moment in my life where there's a there's a beautiful statement by Edison where he said that when you feel you've exhausted all options remember this you haven't and and that was that moment where I realized that that my whole life I believed that I was checking off every option trying to do every door and I realized that until you've done everything you can't say that this isn't for you so that's when I started a youtube channel third jan 2016 my first video got 5 000 views in 24 hours which I was very proud about it's awesome and uh that's that's where it all started that's where it all kicked off it's crazy one thing that you said that's that I see a lot of people really kind of do is you were kind of like dipping your toes in before you actually like really dove into it where you're like uh maybe I'll go apply at this company that does video stuff instead of actually doing my own video stuff and I remember uh I was over when I was in Bali one time I had a friend introduce me he we were in Bali we were just hanging out and he had one of his friends come and I started talking to him and I was like what do you do he's like oh I'm a music producer I was like oh that's pretty cool when we start chatting about music because I'm a musician as well been a musician since you know it's been almost 20 years now I've been a musician so we're talking about it and it's my friend comes up that's the mutual friend and he goes hey man don't uh don't let him mess around on you he's actually a big deal I was like oh really so then we started talking about it and you know like if you look at my knives got hundreds of millions of plays that are on Spotify and stuff so we started talking about it and I was like so what's the journey been like for you and what wasn't he goes he goes well man I was a music producer for other people for the longest time I was producing their stuff and producing their stuff and then one day I just woke up and I was like I'm not passionate about making other people's music I need to be making my own and it was like this light bulb moment where I realized what I'm actually supposed to do is make my own music and he saw a tiny bit of success but then he started making his own music where he produced it and then he started singing on it and then he exploded and I feel like a lot of people do that where they kind of like dip their toes into their passion but they don't fully jump in because they're afraid of something of rejection or succeeding or maybe even being rejected the main thing that they truly want to do in their life and it scares the crap out of them you know and it sounds like that's kind of where you were and then you went all right I'll start a youtube channel and you start a youtube channel and it worked pretty well for you yeah and I think you know the truth for me was I just didn't know anyone who is even an entrepreneur personally like everyone in my life had corporate steady jobs who were doing well for themselves but I didn't I wasn't really around anyone who'd done something different in my space so all my friends growing up either became lawyers or doctors or dentists or corporate accountants and those are all beautiful careers but that was what I saw so I wasn't exposed to anyone who'd buck the trend or who'd who'd broken the mold I've never met anyone like that right and so for me I didn't really believe that there was even a real career outside of those careers and I literally got to a point where I'd settled that I was going to work my full-time job and I was going to make videos on the side so when I first started making content on youtube I believed I would do my day job to pay the bills and every evening for five days a week I would spend five hours a day editing to make my five minute videos every single week because I taught myself how to edit I didn't have a clue and I taught myself how to lay a sound and how to do color editing and how to get b-roll and stock footage and all this kind of stuff and that's what I thought it was going to be like but so for me it's I really have a lot of compassion for anyone who feels stuck or doesn't believe they know their path because that is my story my story isn't I had a vision board and I knew exactly what was going to happen and I had a plan my my story is I had a real desire and intention to help people through what I believe on my talents but I had no idea where I was going to do it yeah and one of the things you said to it that kind of stuck out in yeshie it's funny because I use this quote yesterday and then I open up your book and it's the very first quote and that you say in the in the very beginning of a chapter one which you were talking about people that you know we're saying oh you can't do this you you know you you if you go become a monk you'll never get a job and you started taking other people's perceptions of what would be true and putting it on yourself and I literally was at lunch yesterday with a friend and we were talking about perception and like she goes you know what blows my mind is that I realized that I've been living my entire life off of other people's perceptions of me and then I realized that my perception of that my perception of their perception might not even be real and I was like well yeah have you ever heard the quote I'm not who I think I am I'm not who you think I am I am who I think that you think that I am and she's like no oh my god that quote's crazy and it really is true because all too often instead of looking in and being like well what do I truly want to do we look and we say oh well my parents tell me I'm supposed to be doing this or you know I'm not that great in school so I probably can't get a great job or I'm probably gonna fail or something like that and I know that I've heard you say this quote over and over and over again uh as well and I'm curious with you why do you feel like you know number one it's one of your favorite quotes but number two it's literally at the very beginning of your book so it really shows how much you love it what is the what is the reason why you love that that quote so much and what does it mean to you that that quote is definitely probably my favorite quote of all time it's it's by Charles Cooley and I believe he said it in the 1900s and the reason why I start the book with it or why it has such a prominent place in my heart is because I believe that is the root of all of our problems in life and and thinking like a monk means to go to the root of the issue so the monkey mind which we all experience is jumping from thought to thought branch to branch you know we've all imagined what a monkey looks like running around right and the monk mind goes wait a minute that the answer isn't up there the answer is in the root right the fruit doesn't grow because of the branch it grows because of the root the leaves don't grow because of the branch they grow because of the root and so if you understand the root of a tree if you water the root of the tree you get fruits and flowers and leaves and so the root of all of our suffering of all of our pain comes because we live in a perception of a perception of ourselves and like your friend rightly pointed out as the quote does is that what you think someone thinks of you might not even be true and so we end up choosing careers we end up choosing partners we end up choosing our livelihoods we end up choosing what we do our passions we end up choosing everything based on what we think other people will think of us if we think that our friends will think that if we become a doctor that we're smart then we'll become a doctor if we think that our parents think that if we marry this person then that will be the right decision then we do that there are so many pressures in society today it's like oh if i don't have an instagram profile like can i have a career can i be an entrepreneur it's like of course you can you could be a really successful entrepreneur but yeah again the perception that if i don't have followers will i be validated whatever it is that we have and by the way we recreate these no matter how successful we are right this this is in this is easy for the biggest star in hollywood to do as much as it is for someone starting out so the biggest star in hollywood could be like well unless i win an oscar then no one will actually respect me as an actor right that could be that could be their loop whereas they could be the most successful actor of all time already and so there's so many ways in which we let people's perception affect our choices and when their perception changes our choices you could spend a lot time which i give an example of method acting you could spend a lot of time in your life method acting trying to be someone trying to play a role that isn't you and actors who've tried to method act as we know examples like heath ledger who played the joker in batman obviously it's not directly correlated and there's many stories around that but definitely that created some challenge you have the story of daniel day lewis in gangs of new york and he says yeah literally nearly went mad playing the butcher in the movie because of the role he had to take on jared leto was sending his colleagues from his co-stars from suicide squad dead rats in the mail to get into the mindset of the joker now we may not do something that extreme but sometimes we start living a role someone else's role so perfectly that we forget who we are and i think we all get to that place in life where we go i don't know who i am anymore like i don't think this is what i want and so you can start pursuing the wrong thing when you live on other people's perceptions hey if you're enjoying this video do me a favor and hit that like button down below it helps with the youtube algorithm so that more people can see this message because it helps us get it out organically so hit that like button and i appreciate you yeah and one of the things that i always talk about with method acting when i was reading through this and i saw that i never heard of it with daniel day lewis but what i always tell people with method acting that that goes back to the same thing is have you ever seen the movie um what is it called um jim and andy with jim carrey i haven't i need to see that oh my god okay all right so let me explain this to you because you can see how method acting can make somebody crazy in the movie so he did a movie andy kaufman or he did a movie as andy kaufman a guy who passed away i think in the 70s or early 80s and he became a method actor for what jim carrey did to the point where and then so jim and andy is literally behind the scenes video of him being this guy but part of the problem with with andy kaufman is andy kaufman also played characters so jim carrey's playing andy kaufman who's playing tony clifton so he's literally deep into it and uh he never broke character so it was he was so much like andy kaufman that andy kaufman's family came and did like mini therapy sessions with jim carrey as andy kaufman so not only is he like playing this guy and then still playing him when the camera's off he's also being him and his family right and so he's like crazy deep into it right and if you this is pretty much the start of jim carrey's whole like shift to being real spiritual have you seen this this turn that he's taken yes and um and so what happened was the whole thing ended three or four months in of being this guy and he said when it all ended you know i didn't even remember who jim carrey was and he was like what do i love to do like do i cuss do i not cuss what do i believe in what are my convictions and he's like if if my my characters that i'm playing are so thin that means a character that i'm playing as jim carrey is so thin as well and then he really had to do this soul searching of like who am i truly which kind of goes back to what you're saying of he was finally able to to kind of you said whenever you became a monk you had to get rid of everything and purify yourself it was kind of this purification for him of like who am i i don't know who i am because you he completely got rid of his his person that he thought that he was and uh it's it's incredible to kind of see somebody go through the whole psyche of like losing themselves into something and then trying to figure out who they are again and it really makes you realize like you know the alan watts quote that says you're under no obligation to be who you were five minutes ago right you can be a different person literally today and i think that the the good thing about you know i've always had like a big thing with with monks as well i remember when i was 16 years old the very first book that i ever got was the dalai lama's book i think it was like the the art of happiness i think is what it was called and i thought it was so cool i was like man what would it be like to be a monk but i think it goes back to what you're saying is that like this book is literally going to still be relevant a hundred two hundred years from now because it's just the stuff that they teach is thousands of years old and it hasn't changed in thousands of years because it's true because it's wisdom like you're saying it is right and so i think that for a lot of people we're so busy in these times that they just need to take a step back and be like is this what i want to do my parents want me to become this i want to be something else you know and this i'm putting this facade up on instagram is that who i truly am do i want to be someone else driving this car around is this the car that i truly want and i think it goes back to finding their purpose more than anything else which is you know something you're super passionate about is talking about purpose but you know i get a lot of messages and i'm really curious i'm sure you probably get them as well from people you know somebody who is lazy they feel lost they have no motivation because they feel like they have no purpose they don't know how to find their purpose you know what's what's kind of some ways that you you recommend for people to find their purpose and then actually get past the laziness which i feel kind of you know disappears a lot of times when you find that thing that you're truly passionate about but what are your tips that you give people when they're just like man i don't know what my purpose is and i'm just kind of lost to this point yeah yeah and by the way thanks for sharing that jim and andy i'm going to check that out that's so good that's such a brilliant example and and exactly like literally what i'm the point i'm making it's it's perfect everything you said is exactly uh an enemy new jim carrey went through that so that's that's news to me and i can't wait to check it out so yeah i i think purpose like a lot of these words in wisdom is spoken about a lot right now and it can get thrown about a bit and so we have a lot of misconceptions around what a purpose is and what i wanted to do in the book think like a monk i wanted to make sure that i was able to formulate formulate and create frameworks and strategies around some of these themes that seem ethereal or or seem hard to kind of like make tangible and so the word in the Vedic tradition and the Bhagavad Gita that's used as closest to purpose is called dharma and dharma the closest translation you could do is eternal duty or eternal purpose it's actually like timeless purpose and it can also be compared to psychophysical nature so what is your natural instinct your nature that you were born with and my favorite quote to describe it is always by i believe it's attributed to einstein which says uh you know everyone's a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will spend its whole life believing that it's stupid right and that's what life outside purpose looks like you're like a fish trying to climb a tree you're like a bird trying to swim you're like a crocodile trying to fly you're like a lion trying to be a bee right it's like it doesn't make any sense and so laziness comes in because can you imagine a fish trying to climb a tree i'm pretty sure it's going to give up i'm pretty sure that fish is going to try for two seconds realize that it's impossible or feels impossible and they're going to give up and that's what happens when we're living a life out of alignment with our purpose we experience lack of motivation we experience laziness we experience a lack of energy and drive and passion we feel like we don't want to learn and don't want to grow and so the challenge with purpose is a matter of being in alignment so if people are like i want to be successful i want to be rich i want to be famous or i just want to be happy whatever your goal is and i'm not judging it you can choose your goal without it being aligned to your purpose it won't feel as meaningful or as fulfilling so the formula for purpose or dharma that i give in the book and i'm going to simplify it here and you can dive into in the book i actually have a 33 question summarizer that actually when you go through can help you understand your dharma better and so i give these three concepts your dharma is your passion plus your expertise plus your compassion equals purpose so that is the formula it has three elements passion expertise compassion and there are lots of models like this that are parallel which i love like if you look at icky guy which is reason for being you'll see some of those elements dharma these all ancient concepts that work so let's talk about each of those let's talk about passion people say oh jay i don't know where to start with my passion i get that i feel you on that but passion is like a teenager interest is like a child and curiosity is like the womb so passion becomes the teenager when you have curiosity in the womb and so passion begins with curiosity and interest right now you may not know what you're passionate about but what are you curious about what are you interested in what can you watch a documentary about for three hours who can you talk to for two hours what are you talking to them about who is it that you follow that you're jealous of who is it that you follow that you're envious of who is it specifically because guess what there may be a lot of people but you know there's that one person you're like i wish i could have that that can also be a great reminder so sometimes your passion is not going to come from oh i feel this amazing drive it's going to come from two things it's going to come from the potential that you see in curiosity or it's going to come from your pain sometimes passion gets found in pain the pain of envy the pain of jealousy or the pain of wanting to solve a problem in the world the pain that you don't want anyone to experience cancer ever again because your family member passed away from cancer or the pain that you never want to see a kid starve again because you've seen kids hungry on the streets so there are so many pathways to discover that passion now you may say jave i've tried all of those things i haven't got there all right i've got another thing for you expertise what do you have a natural gift in and what are you dying to learn see expertise isn't just what you're good at it's what you are so excited to learn that you're willing to go to classes you're willing to go to workshops you're willing to get personal training what is it that you are dying to learn and that's one of the biggest mistakes people make with their passion is a lot of time people have just passion and they expect it to become a purpose but your passion can only be used into a purpose if you're actually really good at it and this is a part of the ingredient that i think really people miss because i think just because i love it it's enough and i'll give you a perfect example i love football soccer i love it christianna ronaldo is the number one one for me to interview on the podcast because i've followed his career since day one i'm a huge fan i would love to sit down with him and pick his mind but i don't have the desire to wake up at 4 a.m and work out with christianna ronaldo in the way he does i don't have the desire to sit and eat the diet that he does but guess what i do want to wake up and meditate i do want to wake up and learn about wisdom i do want to wake up and make content to share it with all of you so i found the area that i'm willing to be dying to learn and then the final area is compassion so your passion becomes a purpose when you use it in the service of others if you're not serving with your passion it remains a passion and this is why so many people end up wealthy and successful through their passion but not happy joyful and purposeful because they don't use it in the service of others so your passion needs a compassion to really become a purpose that's so good and as you're saying it i'm like yeah this formula actually works for me like as i'm looking at it like i always tell people if i didn't do what i do now i'd still be obsessed with neurology and psychology and early child this is stuff that i i just would love i just love the human brain and learning about this stuff and and then when you i think the other important part like even what you said is doing it for other people because i remember for me i had this real big financial goal that i wanted to hit one day and i hit it and i was like what the hell do i do now right like what am i supposed to do and i literally the first thing that pops my head it's funny she said i said what's your dharma and i was like i know what it is and i just said to myself the whole day chopwood carry water chopwood carry water like you know what you're supposed to do it is the service of others you just go out and you do it and it's also you know it's funny it's kind of like ingrained to the human brain to just want to do something for somebody else it makes you feel good to do something for someone else and so if you can like you said something that you are just dying to learn and that attaching it to with with helping other people it's it's crazy because nobody would look at us five years ago you and i and be like oh these guys can build businesses from making videos and putting them on facebook and putting up quotes and doing that type of stuff and you know teaching people but it ended up working you know and and it was i think it's because you know when you're really passionate about something when you really want to help other people you're also really were willing to work harder than anybody else that's out there because it's just a part of you it's i always say it's like an it's like my arm like if you can't take it away from me because i would have like this this needing to want to learn more and to go teach people and help people in that way and i think that that's that's one of the missing pieces that a lot of people have is actually doing it in the service of others which i've never heard um but now that i'm listening to you i'm like man that is so right because it's it because you're you're comfortable doing it till the day you die and and waking up and working towards it because it's just fun and you're helping others and it makes you feel good about doing it too yeah and i'm so glad it resonates because i see that all the time i meet people who have everything right but still feel incomplete right because life was never about having everything and not using it so you'll see even the wealthiest people pledge to give away all of their money or 50 of their money during their lifetime because they realize that it's in the service of others and and see serving people doesn't mean just giving in charity that's a beautiful way to give and i and i believe in that and i do that personally and i and i value that and and i do think it's a really important thing but serving others when you may not have a lot is also just using your talents and gifts to help others so whether you're a photographer take pictures of things that people will never see and visit and expose it to them take pictures of people in their happier state that they don't get to see right there are so many ways of turning our gifts and talents into a purpose and actually that's what are the things that stay with you i know you as you know we're both content creators both podcasters it's the it's the views definitely make you happy hundred percent i'm not going to say they don't so i'm you know super honest the money of course it makes you happy super honest but what really stays with you is when you get that message and someone says to you j rob that video stopped me from committing suicide or that hundred percent that podcast changed my life saved my marriage saved my relationship helped me get deal with my kids better like those are the things because it's human connection that ultimately brings the joy of the heart and that's why i see success and happiness is two separate pursuits and don't expect happiness from success and don't expect success from happiness and everyone really needs to think like that i've never said that before in my life so i have no idea um where it's come from but and we can check it out but literally there you cannot don't expect success to give you happiness and don't expect happiness to give you success i love success i love awards i love achievements i love targets but i don't expect them to make me feel happy i expect them to make me feel successful right but happiness comes from how i feel about myself my confidence my ability to love myself my ability to sit in solitude with my thoughts that's what i count on to give me happiness and and when you look at it that way life becomes a lot more uh simpler because most of us are trying to interweave the two trying to increase our happiness to hope that we'll make more money trying to make more money to hope we become more happy yeah i love that and i think that that ultimately it goes down to i talk about this a lot as being more heart centered versus head centered and i'm really curious with you and and i was talking with lauren about it uh before we started and we've been talking a lot about it with people that we're friends with is just like i've you know since we've been going on this spiritual journey it's more of like all right let me stop thinking in my head like let me see what my heart feels like what do i feel is the right not what do i think is right but like what is what do i feel is the actual right thing um i'm curious from your perspective as a monk what do like what do what's the tips or what's the wisdom that the monks have from you know going from your head and then going to your heart that kind of pop up because i'm i'm really curious to a perspective of it i love that that's such a such a beautiful question and and i also just love what you just said there's yeah there's three ways of making decisions there's the head the heart and the gut and and you know we often always think like think from the gut and and the gut actually has a lot to tell us about decisions because our digestion happens in the gut our butterflies when we meet our partner sometimes i experienced in the gut the gut is actually a very useful way especially from a physical standpoint of how you feel and so i would say if you're trying to figure out how you feel physically or what makes you happy physically it's like things that make us feel sick and nauseous you feel that in the gut right you don't feel that in the heart or the head so if i'm as a monk being present with your body means that your gut and your body has the ability to communicate with you about how you feel and so one of the ways we would look at that is if let's say Lauren and you and you i know you both travel together you're great travel partners but let's say you were traveling around like crazy you were moving around and flying around and your life was really hectic chances are Lauren doesn't feel comfortable saying to you how she feels because you're moving around so much she doesn't even get a moment for you to be present right so when we're present with our body and mind they can actually communicate with us and that's one of the reasons why stillness and solitude in space as a monk is so powerful because when you slow down when you steady you allow your body to say actually i don't feel so good and that's one of the reasons why when you slow down you get sick because your body's been trying to catch up with you for so long and finally you gave it that opportunity so i just want to talk about a gut for a bit yeah but when we talk about uh head to heart nobody i like that because actually i never even i i always thought gut and heart were kind of the same like feel okay i'm going to do this but i'm it's interesting to hear that they actually make it three things versus just the two i'm usually like is it head or is it heart gut like that's kind of this this whole area right here is the way i see it but but for you that's there's actually three different ones that you guys talk about so that's interesting that's yeah i've never heard it from that way yeah the guts more like a physical that's what i'm saying it's very physical it's like very like you i mean you know like crude example is you've eaten something terrible you know what it feels like so your gut's telling you what it doesn't like and does like on a daily basis same with feeling nervous you can feel in your gut but you can also feeling excitement in your gut so head and heart though is is a beautiful question and one of the ways that i think you move from the head and the heart is to this is this is hard to do on your own but but it's something that i recommend is is surprising your subconscious so your head is very conscious and alert and and kind of you've built a very strong intellectual platform so it's hard to get beyond it and sometimes when i'm working with clients i'll just go out into nature and and i'll say to them pick one thing that feels like something that's going wrong in your life like what metaphorically or what imaginatively looks like a block in your life and then they'll be like oh you know what that particular color reminds me of something that causes me pain in my mind and that's it you're banging to the heart now because now if i if i went out and said to them like if you walk out then say um i want you to tell me if you're sitting down with a client and you're like i want you to tell me what are your three biggest problems in life then they're going to tell you the three that are on like if you told me jay what's what are your biggest challenges today i could reel them off to you because i think about them right but when you just ask someone like tell me something that stands out to you right now that you see and what does it mean to you've tapped into your heart so i do that with myself too i'll just look out sometimes and be like you know what is it that i'm feeling when i look at this tree what is it that i'm feeling when i look at this book what is it that i'm just experiencing in this moment and that takes a bit of practice but it's a beautiful technique that really works especially if you're working with someone else so you can ask someone to do it on you another way to move from the head to the heart is i believe a lot of our positive emotions live there so often what i'll do is i'll write down all my options or opportunities in life and above them i'll write why i would take them like why would i go down that path so let's say i have a new podcast opportunity i have a new collaboration i have a new brand partnership i could work with and i'll write down the four motivations and i talk about these four motivations in my book all of us do everything for four main reasons security money or results fame and influence or knowledge and growth those are the four key motivations of life and knowledge and love and growth i would put love up there right and so if you want to simplify it it's basically fear results love those are the three key motivations that we do anything for we either do things out of fear we do things because we think it's going to make us win we do things out of love and i've realized time and time again that it's not necessarily about doing everything out of love it's just having a deep awareness of what you're doing for what and that's the conversation of the heart the head wants you to pick and perfect everything the heart just wants you to feel and be honest and experience so i'll write down okay i've got these three options this week which one am i doing for love which one am i doing just for the results and which one am i doing out of fear and as time goes on i try and remove myself doing things out of fear in the beginning that may mean removing that opportunity as you get more mature what you want to do is try and upgrade that to love and how can i do that out of love so that's one way that i try and access the heart and the third and final way i want to give three things that i think that i've definitely done to understand the heart more is allow yourself to voice note journal and speak from your heart with people if you're only ever like i'm trying to do this interview today from my heart i know my book inside out i could do this do that talk about this chapter but it's like i just want to speak to a friend from the heart and i'm like the more i do that the better interview we're going to have the more people will be touched because you can't touch someone's heart if you're not touching your own like if you're not speaking from your heart you're not going to speak to anyone's and so i think for me it's being in communities where it's encouraged i i did an interview for the book yesterday and the interviewer was saying how much they appreciated me and they're like jay look i don't want this to turn into like how much i love you and i was just like no you know what carry on because why am i going to block you speaking from the heart like for sure and it wasn't like i want to feel better because you love me it was it was more like how beautiful is that that someone feels confident enough to open up their heart on a public forum like you did at the beginning of this podcast yeah and why are we discouraging that because it's uncool to be that way or maybe it doesn't make you feel superior so i think we need to be in more communities around more people that let us speak from there so we can access it more yeah that's so true man i have a friend who he's definitely more longer into the path of of spirituality and you know he's uh he's 49 and about to be 50 and he will just text me out of nowhere and be like i love you and at first it was kind of weird because i was like what are these like why is it so it's easy for me to like send that back to like one of my friends that's you know that that's a female that i've known forever but why do i have this resistance to it and then i'm like oh man i need to dive into this feeling and you start to realize that what is it uh is it uh is it the satsang in the song is that what it is is that right the community right yeah yeah which you need a community of people and that's one of the things that i think is is really big that a lot of people don't pay attention to is just the community of people that you surround yourself with are going to open you up or close you down more and uh i've never thought of it that way of when you can finally start to speak to people and not feel judged by saying what's authentically you good or bad is where you really start to see growth in yourself and uh and i love that man that's that's great that's it thanks for that question i've never been asked that question in my life it was beautiful yeah that's a huge i think that's a huge way to to like number one know about yourself more but then also be able to really come from the heart because you can connect with other people absolutely man it's awesome and you said one of the kid the biggest parts of that as you said becoming still you know and and feeling and and all that stuff so i'm gonna ask you the most everyone wants to know it who's listening so i'm gonna ask you the most stereotypical question to ask someone who is a monk or once was a monk with becoming still um because there's so many people out there they want to meditate and you probably get this message a million times a day is you know what does your routine look like as far as meditation goes um and then for someone who wants to make it simple and just just start getting into it what do you recommend for them yeah absolutely so in the book i have three main sections and i break down the three main types of meditation that i was introduced to as a monk and and literally are the overarching elements so there's breathwork there's visualization and there's mantra those are the three forms of meditation breathwork is genuine genuinely sorry again i went on a breathwork is generally for aligning the body and the breath visualization is for healing and feeling the mind and mantra is for the soul the spirit for energy so that's kind of how it's broken down and so i talk about each in the book and i give exercises for each in the book and i'll share some of that practice now so my practice includes all three my personal practice is about one and a half hours to two hours a day and i practice around i would say i probably do about five minutes of breathwork five minutes of visualization and then the next one hour 20 or one hour 50 depending on what my day's like will be mantra uh and sound and that's because that's how i was trained it's what works for me but i find myself doing breathwork throughout the day so it's breathwork is something that i've tried to do less uh in a concentrated way but spread out so i'll breathe before i do a meditate before i do a call i'll breathe while i'm emailing i'll breathe while i'm doing everything and i when i say breathe i mean intentionally breathe right uh so that's how my personal program looks and the reason why i find all of them are so powerful is because you almost can't access the next level of depth without aligning the gates they're all almost like gates so it's like right i can't access energy or the source or divine power or whatever you want to call it the spirit or the soul i can't access any of that without first aligning just my body and my breath because guess what most of us either our mind is ahead of our body or our body is ahead of our mind how many times you wake up in the morning and you're just like oh my mind is so tired but my body is ready to roll right or you have the opposite you're like your body's like oh i'm still in bed but your mind's like oh no we need to get and do stuff so our mind and our body always for all of us our mind and our body are always in friction and against each other so when you breathe in for the same amount of time as you breathe out it's a simple way of just aligning your body and your breath so i'll breathe in for a counter four and i'll breathe out for a counter four i may up level it and breathe in for a counter four hold for four and out for four this is a beautiful way of just realigning your breath and i'm sure you've had experiences everyone who's listening or watching in your life where you always say i'm out of breath i need to catch my breath let me take a breath right it took my breath away right everything is what every emotion is related to breath so when you're running late or you're stressed or you're anxious you're usually out of breath so when you breathe in for the same amount of time as you breathe out you're just aligning your breath again so that's breath work visualization is probably one of my favorite favorite favorite meditation practices because you can either visualize a place that allows you to extract energy from it so if you're like jam having a really stressful day but you know there's this beautiful lake that you love visiting or maybe you visited on your travels and i know rob and lauren travel a lot they've been to some beautiful places and so you may say jay i'm in the middle of quarantine i can't go back there and what you'll do is you'll just relive that moment and you'll experience all the joy from that moment that could have been with a person could have been with a parent could have been anything so you can go there now in the future and re-experience it or you can go back to the past and relive a positive memory and these are beautiful ways of keeping things that are important to us close and beautiful methods so that's one part of visualization and the other part of visualization is you can also go back and heal a memory so you may not be happy with the last thing you said to someone before they passed away you may not be pleased with the last behavior you had with someone before you're not friends anymore but now you're out of touch you may you may feel that you didn't forgive someone or that someone didn't forgive you and you can revisit that moment and at least change how you felt you could have behaved in it now that doesn't change the situation but it changes your perception of the situation and that's what we're ultimately trying to change and visualization of course can can really be powerful for visualizing where you want to be who you want to be and i always say to people don't visualize the result visualize the process so don't visualize being best friends with someone visualize yourself doing the habit or the activity that heals a relationship don't visualize someone that you are rude to in the past just loving you visualize yourself apologizing asking for forgiveness or them asking for forgiveness that creates that it's the process not the result so that's visualization and then finally is mantra mantras are ancient sounds that can be repeated it can also be done with gongs and flutes and sounds of the ocean or nature sounds and mantras are believed to have powerful sound vibration and frequency that affect different layers inside of us and so there's a lot of research showing that like 417 hertz is great for healing negativity and all of these different frequencies are really powerful for different energies inside of us and so for me i will chant different mantras at different times some mantras are for prayers for others so there's this beautiful one that i've been saying recently because i think the world needs it and i need it too to have compassion in me it's called sarva sukino bhavantu and it means may there be happiness for all so that is a mantra that's what it means um and then there are other mantras that people are more aware of like om that that can be chanted and so finding a mantra that really speaks to you that really speaks to your heart and repeating it people find mantra one of the most powerful ways to redirect the mind because mantra creates a beautiful connection with your lips the sound your eyes closed you can really immerse in it and so that's the longest part of my practice so hopefully that helps and in the book i present at the end i present something called the monk method and the monk method teaches you a simple 21 minute practice which incorporates all three of these so in 21 minutes you can experience the breath work the visualization and the mantra and it's called the monk method in the book i love that and with the mantras i'm curious do you guys use uh do you use mala beads when you go through there yeah so yeah absolutely yeah so we have these yeah what what uh rob said mala beads which are like these chanting beads they're made of a ancient sacred wood in india called tulsi which is the ones that i use and and these beads the reason why you have them is when you engage as many of your senses in the present as possible the more likely you are to be present so your beads are touching the hand you're repeating the mantra so you're speaking and you can hear the mantra so you now got three senses completely present in this practice and so the beads are a beautiful way of uh making and you see these in all traditions you have rosary beads in christianity you have you know i'm sure there's beads in other traditions there's beads in buddhism in hinduism and so these are just beautiful uh tools that were created to help us all be more present and and be more in the now love it well man before we go into the last question i want to tell everybody if they haven't gotten it yet they should go buy think like a monk it is uh if you're listening to this before september 8th you can go ahead and you can buy it on pre-order if you're listening september 8th am i correct yeah you're right and then if you listen to it after you can go ahead and go buy it on amazon barnes and oboe you can go to any bookstore it's all over the world i'm sure you said it's going to be in target and all of that stuff as well so yeah the book's going to be go out and buy it i highly recommend it thank you man i appreciate it for sure and and it's cool to see it kind of kind of come to first because i remember years ago we were talking about how you want to write a book and kind of help get the wisdom out of what you've learned and the Bhagavad Gita and all that and it's like it's like it's physically it's here like it's physically in my hand jay like how crazy is that man literally that book has everything that we've talked about like i i quote every monk tradition in the world so i've i i studied Christianity Buddhism Hinduism so you have a ton of monk traditions you have female monks male monks and their stories and their backgrounds and showing you how they went all spiritual i've got stories of a lady who who said that uh you know uh i hated my husband and that's why i became a Buddhist and there's a whole story in there about how she did it and Emma Slade who was like working in this incredible corporation and then chose to be a monk a Buddhist monk so there are so many stories in there of just not just my transformation but but so many other people that have transformed their life to think like a monk and and i genuinely believe that you don't have to live like a monk to think like a monk and if you're interested in eastern spirituality and eastern traditions then that book is fully infused with me tearing up not tearing by taking apart or unpacking these these timeless truths and wisdom pieces that are in this book so i've kind of selected my favorite sections and almost tried to expand upon them in this book that's that's the aim it's awesome i feel like people need it right now for sure yeah for sure so uh i know you're not huge on legacy which i love because i i feel the same way of just doing whatever i can and whatever happens to me after it happens to me after whether someone ever talks about me again or not it's all good but i have a question that i asked people at the end and i'm really curious with with you there's a quote that says uh you die twice the first time is when you stop breathing and the second time is the last time someone says your name so i'm curious with you between the first and second death between the moment when you stop breathing in the moment when the last time someone says your name what do you uh what do you hope people say about you that's a good question i really like that i've never heard that quote before either it's beautiful and i i'm glad that we would both disagree with the second part of it yeah um but but but your question to me is if i had to choose what someone would say about me what would it be you're not giving me a choice to say i don't care there's there is there is no choice yeah i mean here's the thing i love it because i feel the same way of just like legacy is legacy it is what it is you know it's it's do what you can while you're here i think a legacy sometimes for a lot of people is actually like sometimes even the fear of death like what's if i need to live on past this thing but i think ultimately what we're really diving into is you making an impact on some other person yeah and so what what type of impact do you want to have so much in the time that you hear that it lives on at least for a little while i think it would be that that i think it would be that i was able to introduce people or reintroduce people to the timeless wisdom of the world which everyone very much needs and never goes out of fashion or date yeah and so that's that's it for me it's it's that people would feel that i was able to reintroduce them and that if if i'm talking about my character then i would hope that people would always feel that i care i loved and i had deep sincere intention to serve but but really that they would they would just say that i was able to reintroduce the world to the timeless wisdom of all of these incredible books that i've wonderfully been presented by and that i really cared and that's why i shared from them you know i think that would be a really deep meaningful way to to bow out uh by by giving people a an alternative life path and way of living so hopefully that answers your question it's a beautiful question yeah i think that's great man and i think it's i think well from from what i do know about you uh it's it's already on that path which is what's great uh is as i see a lot of the stuff that you do and the selflessness that you have and you know even the time that you just give somebody that comes up to you that that wants a picture and that type of stuff man just to be able to give somebody some time and uh it's beautiful because what you just said is as humble as you are which isn't even taking any credit for it you're just a messenger for wisdom that's been around for a while and uh i love it man it's been so cool to see the journey that you've been on and it's uh it's it's crazy what's happened in three years and how amazing it's gotten uh gotten but if you think another three 10 30 years i'm so excited to see where you are and in what you've done and i appreciate you man and uh i recommend every book of everybody go out and get the book because it's great and i think a lot of people need it right now and uh i can't wait to see what happens in the future rob you're a sweetheart man i appreciate that very much it's uh you know it's uh yeah when you when you poured your you know i think you know we've talked about this i i never thought that any of this would happen let alone be possible right and and so i'm living a blessing every single day like i'm just i'm i'm just grateful i'm humbled by it i feel a huge sense of responsibility uh and and i haven't stopped for that reason and i think that's the i think that to me is the thing it's that it was never about getting anywhere it was always about going more inwards and so yeah just keep keep being in my life uh keep keep reminding me of why i'm doing what i'm doing and uh it's uh it's it's a joy to know you man and this has been a lot of fun you've really asked me a ton of stuff and i've shared a lot of stuff today not just haven't said before but that i was i was almost having a lot of reflective experiences through this podcast because of the nature of your questioning and i love that like that gets me really excited and we barely dove into any of the uh any of the content in the book so that that makes me really happy that we really got somewhere else through one of our reflective conversations yeah and now they have to go buy the book to learn even more about us the best no this is beautiful man your your community is awesome and uh i'm so glad and i can't can't wait to do a lot more with you yeah buddy i appreciate you thank you man thank you so much hey thanks so much for watching this video if you want to learn even more about mastering your mind click right here and watch this video as well today we're going to be talking about how to find your purpose