 The Kraft Foods Company presents Willard Waterman as the great Gildesleeve. The Kraft Foods Company has brought to you transcribed by the Kraft Foods Company. Twenty years ago, the Kraft Foods Company introduced a wonderful new salad dressing, a superbly smooth, delicious tasting salad dressing called Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip was so remarkably good that it soon became the most popular salad dressing ever created. Now Miracle Whip outsells the next twenty, leading brands of salad dressing combined, and good cooks everywhere depend on it to make their salads better tasting. To bring out the best in your salads, use the one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. It is September, about the time boys and girls are thinking about returning to school. The great Gildesleeve's nephew Leroy doesn't like to think about it, but as long as he has to, he has some very unusual thoughts on the subject. Hey, Aunt, school starts next week, you know. Yes, I know, Leroy. I want to talk to you about this school business. Oh? I've got an idea. Young man, you are not going off and join the foreign legions. You go to school the way I had to. I'm not trying to get out of going to school. Why, I wouldn't bring with such a thing. You wouldn't. Oh, no, Aunt. I realize the importance of an education. I appreciate all the sacrifices you made to help me get it. Leroy, you're after something. Yeah. What is it? Aunt, I want to change schools. Change schools? But the teachers are just getting used to you. You're passing. I don't want them feeling sorry for me. He's not, says my boy, never change schools in the middle of an education, especially when you're passing. Look, he's changed schools. But Leroy, there's not another school in this neighborhood. Well, I want to go to the other side of town. The adult case summer is junior high. Oh, my goodness, that's four miles away. By the time you got there, school would be out. I got it all figured out. I can ride down to the water department with you every morning, walk across to the post office, take the 10th Avenue bus, transfer at Woodley Boulevard, take the streetcar, get off at the ball park, cut across left field and I'm done. Leroy, this whole idea is coming out of left field. What's behind it? Nothing. You don't even know anybody at that school? Yes, I do. Who? Whoa. Bertie. He says he wants to change school. He does. Do you know what's behind it? No, sir, this is the first I heard of it. He wants to attend that junior high way across town. Oh, Leroy, it'll take you an hour to get there. That's OK. I'll have that much more time to study on the bus. No, I know you're up to something. I'll get it. Never mind, Bertie. I'll go. Oh, hello, Marvin. Come in. I'm in. Leroy, that's no way to talk to Marvin. That's OK. I'm used to it. Yeah, I'm afraid Leroy's a little put out, Marvin. He wants to change school. Yeah, I know. You do? Marvin, you keep out of this. I've seen it coming all summer. Marvin, you better keep quiet. Go ahead, Marvin. What do I do? Hey, Marvin, let's have the facts. They're juicy. Marvin is because of a girl. Who is she, Marvin? Aw, some chick he met at the roller rink. Leroy likes her. She must be a fine little girl. She's terrible. She is not. She ties her hair in the back and she looks like a pony. Where does your little girlfriend live, Leroy? She lives in a very nice section. Well, I'm sure she does. She goes barefooting. Oh. Except when she roars. She only goes barefooted in the summer. A lot of kids do. What's her name, Leroy? Her name's Mack. Imagine a girl's name Mack. Boy, is that stupid? Is this Mack, this girl? The only reason you want to change school? I don't want to talk about it. When it's a girl to sleep, I'll get over girls. I did. I never mentioned a girl. He hasn't had her over home. I wonder if he's ever had her in PDs for a soda. Oh, Mr. Gunnarsley. What can I do for you today? PD, has Leroy been in here with any new little girls? No, he hasn't even been here with any old little girls. Strangest. Leroy has gone overboard for a little girl named Josephine McCoy. And I'd like to know more about her. Why don't you call up Mr. and Mrs. McCoy? If you want to know the real McCoy. Yes, yes. Santa was a little wittest in Mr. Gunnarsley. If you want the McCoy about McCoy, call the McCoy. I get it, P. No, you're not laughing. I can't stand the sour boys. What? When a man takes the trouble to think of something funny, you ought to have the decency to laugh at it. P.V., I'm not in a laughing mood. That's what I say it kills you, ain't it? I'm sorry I came in. What do you want to buy? Nothing. So am I. P.V., I just came in to see if you knew anything about the company Leroy's keeping. Well, it seems to me there is a McCoy family living in Crosstown. Leroy's quite taken with this girl. Wants to go to her school. You don't care. The boy has me puzzled, P.V. That could be. Usually confides in me. Brings his little friends to the house. This time I can't pry a thing out of it. Yeah, Mr. Gunnarsley, if I were you, I wouldn't worry about Leroy. Yeah, maybe I am overly concerned. But I've never heard of the McCoy's. No, maybe they haven't heard of you either. Oh, P.V., just that I don't know what kind of bringing up the girl is had. Of course, I trust Leroy's judgment. Oh, yeah, yeah. After all, I raised him. He's picked up a lot of my traits. He's checked off the old block. You know how level-headed I am. Everybody does. So if Leroy continues to follow in my footsteps and uses his brains like me, I have nothing to worry about. No, I wouldn't do that. All right, George, I'm not going to speculate any more about Leroy's little girlfriend. I'm going to insist that he bring her to the house. Maybe the thing to do is invite her for dinner. In that way, she'll never suspect I'm looking her over. Hey, Birdie! He's upstairs talking on the extension phone. Oh? Talking to some boy named Mack. Hey, Birdie, that isn't a boy. She's a girl. Come again? Mack is a girl, Joe McCoy. Who's Joe? Joe is Mack. Yes. Joe is short for Josephine. Yes, sir. And Mack is short for McCoy. Oh, my God! She's long on short names. That's right. So serious about it. Yeah, but we're going to put an end to the mystery. Yes, sir. Birdie, can we have her over for dinner tonight? Oh, yes. I think that'd be nice. I'd like to get a look at that Joe Mack myself. Well, I'm sure she's a very nice girl, but naturally we're interested in the people Leroy associates with. Yes, they're especially girls. Parents are always interested in the boys they're girls associate with. Why shouldn't they be interested in the girls they're boys associate with? Yes, they're what's called for the goose or soft for the gander. You bet, and I want a gander at this girl. Leroy! Leroy sounds excited about something. I have to go over there. Are you looking for a black eye, too? No, she wouldn't sock me. See you later, huh? Yeah, wait, wait, wait a minute. Yeah? Instead of you always running over to Joe's, why don't you invite her over here for a change? Over here? Well, I thought you might ask her for dinner this evening. Oh, I'm sure you wouldn't like her. She isn't your type. Why does she let me be the judge of that, my boy? Well, can she come in blue jeans? Dinner in blue jeans? Well, she'd rather wear those than dresses. She would? Well... She doesn't like shoes, either, Birdie. She just don't know her. Well, I'm doing my best to get to know her. How about asking her over right now? We have Pop Roast and Green Beans, Leroy. Oh, gosh, she wouldn't come today. She wants to get up on top of the house and clean the leaves out of the gutters. On top of the house? Yeah, yeah. But Leroy... Oops, he's gone. Looks like the Pop Roast and Green Beans lost out to the bad feet in blue jeans. Well, that doesn't. Good afternoon. How you gonna do that? Well, I'm water commissioner. I can go over there under the pretext of reading the water meter. Yes. What's so funny, Birdie? The Green Beans lost out to the blue jeans so you go read the water meter to meter. This must be the place. Not a bad house she lives in. Two-car garage. Yeah, there are two boys on the roof. Now, one got a horse's tail. Yeah, I can't get over it. Girls with horses' tails and boys with Drake's tails. If I can sneak up behind this tree, I can get a better look at it. It is... darn dry leaves make a lot of noise. Oh, I got house of the leaves out of the gutters. What do we do with them, Joe? We'll go down and burn them, Buster. I kinda like the way you call me Buster. Buster. I just like to talk to you. Like a boy. You talk to me like I'm a girl. Oh, fuck you. I'll bet she would. Hey, Buster, could you go over to dinner some night and meet my uncles? Why should I meet your relatives? I got relatives of my own. Yeah, but maybe they're not like us. Buster, you're on. Oops. Something tells me I'm not gonna like this girl. I'm an okay guy. What a tomboy. Then grab the limb. I don't know if I can jump that far. I think you can make it. You're getting almost as strong as I am. I am. Come on, follow me. There she goes, out into space. She made it. At least nobody got hurt. Here she comes. Watch it. Going under that tree. Just reading the water meter. We'll be back in just a minute. Here's a wonderful new kind of salmon salad sandwich. One of those all-too-rare ideas that are easy enough for the family, fancy enough for companies. First of all, make some good salmon salad. Use drained canned salmon, crispy chopped celery, and sliced stuffed salad. Mix them all together, then add the salad dressing. And I do mean these salad dressing. The one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. Miracle Whip has a fine, lively teasing flavor. A flavor that'll make your salad taste its delicious best. A flavor that no other salad dressing has. Because Miracle Whip is made from a secret craft recipe that combines the qualities of old-fashioned boiled dressing and rich mayonnaise. As you add Miracle Whip to your other ingredients, you'll notice this salad dressing has a remarkably smooth, creamy texture. That's the result of thorough, careful blending with special craft beaters. For the sandwich part of this treat, instead of the bread, you'll need some nice, rosy tomatoes. You peel one tomato and cut into the three crosswise slices. Then place the bottom slice of tomato on a lettuce leaf and alternate the tomato slices with two layers of salmon salad. Add a dab of Miracle Whip to the top of the tomato and there it is, a tempting sandwich of tomato slices and salmon salad. Keep a jar of Miracle Whip on hand always for all kinds of good-to-look-at till you make them with America's favorite salad dressing, Miracle Whip. This leaf went to some pains to find out why he should disapprove of Leroy's new girlfriend, but about all he's discovered is that she's a bit of a tomboy. Now he's discussing the situation with Mr. Peavy. Once you came down out of the tree, she landed right in the back of my neck, Peavy. My, my. Right about here. Think it's gonna be black and blue? Well, if it is, it'll turn up a good car, eh? Peavy, this is serious. I hate to do it. I'm just gonna have to forbid Leroy seeing the girl again. I don't know, Mr. Peavy. Sometimes that can lead to complications. What do you mean? Well, there was a time during my courting days that Mrs. Peavy got put out with me and forbade me to call on her again. She did? I got my dander up and dared her to marry me. What'd you say about that? Oh, my gosh. Of course I was planning to marry Mrs. Peavy in the spring anyway, but you might say I sprung to June. Well, I'll give it some thought, Peavy. Peavy's right. Maybe I shouldn't oppose Leroy's seeing the girl. Perhaps if I ignore the situation, everything will work out all right. Gilda, Steve, you're inclined to make mountains out of molehills. Excuse me. You asked Bertie. Have you seen him, Bertie? I guess he's still down at the roller rink. Oh, skating? Him and that Joe. She sure got that boy skating around in circles. It'll pass, Bertie. That boy ain't gonna get nowhere going around in circles. That's all he's doing, going around in circles. All right, Bertie, where's the paper? Still out in the yard, laying out there in the deep grass that needs more and while Leroy goes around in circles. He hasn't been around the house much, has he? Bertie even had to straighten up his room, not that on mine, but you've been training him to do that. Yeah, I know, Bertie. He's too busy going around in circles. Bertie even had to take the cans out for him. You did? Bertie not only had to take out the cans, she had to bring them back in. Oh. Took them out on the wrong day while Leroy's going around in circles. He got me going around in circles. Yes, thank you, Bertie. Oh, hello, Marvin. Hi. Leroy isn't home. He's never home. Well... I don't have anybody to play with. Too bad. Since I can't do any better. You want to play with me? Sorry, Marvin, but you hurt me. I don't like to be second choice. Okay, I don't think we have any fun anyway. Why don't you go ahead and get Leroy? He'll come home. He'll be eating in and be off of that Joe again. No, Marvin. You're going to let him change schools? We'll see about that. I guess it's up to Joe, huh? What's this? She's telling him what to do now. At least you don't have any control over Leroy anymore. I do so. Then why don't you go get him? I don't want to go get him. You don't think he'll come home with you? He certainly would come home. Suppose he tells you to go fly a kite. You wouldn't dare. Why, George, I'll get on that skating rink and bring him home right now. Marvin, what are you laughing at? You tickle me. Oh, shit. A busy place. There's some pretty good skaters out there, too. Anyone where Leroy is. Oh, there he is. Over there kind of keep up with Joe. He can skate faster backwards than he can forwards. Well, here he comes around. Leroy. Oh, Leroy. Marvin, do you follow me down here? Yeah. I want to see if he can get him home. Don't worry. Here he comes around again. Leroy, stop. Terminate the skating. Well, that's more like it. It's time to go home. Because I say so. Yeah, because he says so. Lady, I'll have you know I was an expert on skates. You're kidding. It wasn't so long ago. I'll bet you can't even stand up and skate. I bet he could. At least I'd like to see him try. Marvin, I can go out there and skate rings around most of this group. Somebody get him some skates. Oh, you really think you ought to? Well, perhaps he wouldn't be sporting. Show up, you kiddies. You back him down. Marvin, go get the skates. Lord. Don't worry, young lady. I can navigate these skates. That's the part that always gets popped. I'm just getting my C-Lex. It's going pretty fast. It took more of a beating than I did. But Joe's in the dance, young. I sure told her off before I left. Good for you, Leroy. Nobody can treat my uncle like that and get away with it. Oh, I'm glad your eyes are open, my boy. Yeah, I told her I never want to see her again. I don't like girls who try to act like boys. We're through. Things sure can change fate. Well, let's forget about Joe McCoy. What a name for a girl. I've already forgotten about her. What a sound, level-headed boy. Takes after me. You bet. I take after you. Brady, would you see who's at the door? Yes, I'm on my way to the kitchen anyway. Joe McCoy. Uh-oh. Miss Joe McCoy, I call him. Oh, my goodness. I guess she can't take no for an answer. I'll tell her off again. May I come in? I never called me Joseph. Well, it's the first time I ever saw you in a dress. What happened to you, Josephine? I guess I'll wear dresses from now on. If Leroy likes me that way. Do you, Leroy? My joy she does. Joe, I mean, Josephine? Why haven't you saved her dinner? Hey, now. 30 seconds. Add a surprise to the next fruit salad you make. Add several cubes of cranberry jelly to the fruit. Try it. And to be sure that salad is at its delicious best, be sure the salad dressing you use is Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip gives salads wonderful flavor, a lively, teasing flavor, a flavor millions of folks call just right. It's a different flavor, too. One no other salad dressing has. Remember, for fine-tasting salads, there's nothing like the one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. What's that? It's you, Marvin. What is it? Oh, Marvin, you shouldn't be playing with matches. There are a lot of dry leaves around. I told you not to wake him. What if you started a fire, Marvin? If I did, I'd catch it when I got home. Yes, indeed. And this is the time of year all of it should watch it. When the leaves are falling and the ground is dry. You realize that 90% of our terrible forest fires are caused by careless handling of matches? Yeah. Not just little boys like you either, but adults, too. Without thinking, even grown-ups throw lighted matches into our windows, leave campfires unattended. The moment's carelessness can destroy thousands of acres of our nation's fine timber. Sorry, I asked for the match. Yeah, that's the boy. Why'd you wake me up to ask for a match anyway? I was going to wait until you went back to sleep and give you a hot foot. Oh, Marvin, good night, folks. Well, it's Waterman. The show is written by John Elliott and Andy White at this current trial. Included in the cast are Walter Tetley, Lillian Randolph, John Carroll, Suppy Singer, and Dick LeGrand. Musical composition by Jack Meakin. This is John Easton saying good night for the Kraft Foods Company, makers of the famous line of Kraft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday for the further adventures of The Great Gilders League. Here's how to make that Swiss cheese on ride taste better than ever. Make it with Miracle Sandwich Spread. Miracle Sandwich Spread is made by Kraft from America's favorite salad dressing, Miracle Whip, and Spicy Relishes. See what a wonderful tang Miracle Sandwich Spread adds to any kind of cheese or meat sandwich. See how delicious it is used alone between slices of bread for sandwiches that are really thrifty. Tomorrow, take home a jar of Miracle Sandwich Spread. This has been an NBC Radio Network production. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.