 You moved to Vancouver. I stayed in Toronto and what you required from a friendship and what my expectation was belonging to this friendship didn't line up and it literally wasn't until years later. We both moved to LA. We went on this trip together to Coachella and we just talked it out and it was all these little like aha moments because you know when the friendship's gotten weird. You know when there's like this thing there's a strain and I introduced you to a friend that you became closer with. Yes. I wasn't sure. Okay, so should we hold on? Let's do that. I just missed you for a minute. It's fine, believe it. Hello there, lovers. Today I'm joined by my lover and my friend. I'm Fremily. Fremily. You know when I wrote that on your Instagram it looked like friend, enemy, family? Frenemy is, oh yeah. This actually speaks to the video that we just did on your channel which is talking about drama, YouTube drama, calling people out. This video is really all about friendships. As I did that video with Andrea and we talked about the loss of our friendship and that's breaking up. There was so many comments from people talking about the relationships that they've had with friends that they have lost and this is a sex-loving relationship channel and that's a massive part of it that I don't think I really talk about. And so today I brought on my best friend. That's a new friend. Emergency contact. Emergency contact. You know I think in my head you were always my best friend for a long time and you would always refer to other people as your best friend. No, I feel the opposite. You because you and Fren, we met like years ago on set. We met like 10 plus years ago. You know you old one. Yeah, we met prior to you doing YouTube, part of me doing YouTube. And I think what happened with me and my when we came together we had different ideals of what the other person was going to be in that person's life. Expectations. Different expectations because I viewed you as a mentor and as... I viewed you as like a peer. A peer, like a friend. Yeah. And I was like no like Maya's somebody who I call when I need help or want guidance or she's somebody whom I like want to work around but I didn't necessarily and maybe that's part of just me not thinking that we could be friends. Right. Because I'm like no like Maya's you were engaged at the time and you had just like you were like this massive photographer in Canada and so I don't think I looked at myself in high enough regards that we could be friends. And I looked at you as friends. Yeah. Maybe that's what that's what it was. I'm just realizing that right now. Yeah. And then so Shannon had an expectation for me that I didn't deliver on. Yeah. And she would act weird and I'm like why is this girl acting weird? And I was like you know what I'm gonna... Because I remember you did this one photo shoot. It was a really beautiful shoot. This guy was smoking. Oh yeah. And then I was like well you should have called me like I would have like helped I would have assisted. And then like I think you made some kind of flippant comment that was like really? Yeah. And I was heard by that like oh I see I didn't even know. Right. But you didn't know because then you're probably like you're my friend. Like I'm not going to call you to hold my reflector. Yeah. No. Communication is okay. Like I'm I'm realizing take space to process your thoughts and your feelings but when you can learn how to articulate those in a way that expresses what you're going through without attacking someone. Yes. I feel like that's like the best way if you're interested in saving a friendship or growing and developing one. What has been your biggest heartbreak? The loss of a friend or the loss of a relationship? I would say biggest heartbreak was my marriage. Oh yeah that makes sense. That makes sense. Heartbreak. Come on. That does make sense. That was the worst. Were you guys friends though too? I feel so because we talked all the time. You're in each other's space like your biology or chemistry everything your communication everything is wired to this person that you spend all this time with so to lose that yeah it was like I think the biggest heartbreak but I've I've lost I've lost friends too. My biggest heartbreak was the loss of Andrea as a friend. I know I was there for that. And the loss of my friend Danny and that was another friend that I lost. Who's Danny? Danny and me Danny and Paul shout out to 985 from Division. We lost the friendship because of romantic oh because there was a we were all so close and I think that he started to oh he had feelings for you yes oh yes but I don't think there were real feelings I think it was just like I deeply appreciate you but you're somebody of the opposite sex I think I'm supposed to be attracted to you okay so now I'm going to start reading into everything that you do and it just became impossible for us to be plutonic friends okay yeah and it was so difficult because I just loved him so much as a person and I loved having him around so much and it was an abrupt like we couldn't be around each other anymore so that I don't know I think that people really underestimate how hard it can be to be a friend yeah to lose a friend I remember all this speaking of friendships and losing that on a public platform like YouTube I'm watching this and I'm like oh that that happened to me behind closed doors with some youtubers yes and it was like that fucking sucks because you still see them to this day and it's like this weird it's I hate weirdness and I feel like you know I guess some time needs to pass before people can come to a place where they talk it out and then and then they can go about their business sometimes you just it is what it is you gotta just keep rolling I would love for you and that particular youtuber to talk it out not that there's any real value and that's kind of it gets so tricky to this is where I think the difference for as an adult now between my friends and people that I'm keeping a distance I just understand but don't necessarily invite in is understanding my intent right like when you know the heart of who I am and what it is that I want for the people that I care about I feel like there's less questioning it's the questioning you don't want to be around people that make you feel insecure yes and that question your motives like I know Shannon and I know how she is and her personality is fine for me it's not good it doesn't work with everyone and everyone's like oh how can you be and I'm like I get Shannon like I get where she's coming from it doesn't even faze me some of the times I don't even see it it's the only times that I'm aware of anything is when it's done to me or at me then I'm like why are you being me like leave I'm leaving or when we're at parties and I make a comment someone in the bathroom that you're like what remember we went to a patches party they don't have to call her out but that's not like I don't I don't go around and saying like I hate Shannon like she's an awful human being I'm like Shannon says dumb shit and it's important to call her out on it because she doesn't even know but I can't even help myself like Shannon yeah but I think it's again when you know what the heart of somebody is with their intent and it makes it so much easier to when you know that person's family and I think with you like people's perception of you sometimes of like your work self if you meet your mom it makes total sense right I am the carbon copy of my mom but if everybody else might it might be a complete shock factor especially because you see me at my as being super sweet and like understanding and loving but like your work mode is like this is the goal this is what I want to get done and it I'm not necessarily flexible to yeah any of people's I'm not flexible because I know what the vision is well my creative intent is and so I think you understand that about me I totally understand about you yes yes I think that's why we even work well together and so we had a moment some of the party in the beginning and I'm yes and somehow I think you made the adjustment because I recognized even though it can be a partnership because we were partnered on that project there's always someone who's it's really their shit right like we're partnering but like we're partnering like this we're not ever like this and so when I recognized that I'm like this I was like it became so much easier right because I'm like I'm here to facilitate support and bring ideas that feel like they're fueling what your original train of thought is right I'm not here to derail you right and that's just the big I wanted pajamas she wanted silk robes I wanted silk robes she wanted wine I wanted popcorn yes I'm happy to come to your channel and do that what advice would you give out there for people who want enriching fulfilling long-lasting purposeful friendships know when to step back and play the tambourine not every moment is your moment like let your friends have some shine yes and know when that is and when to celebrate them and just be a good helper and you have to always look I think when celebrities get on and they're like well it's hard maybe friends the same people because they think I've changed but I haven't it's like maybe you haven't changed but the dynamic has changed and you have to find a way to balance out again so even if you are the superstar friend and maybe your friend is a superstar in other ways you have to like as a friend look for a way to put a tambourine for them no one can be the lead singer at all times right I don't think successful friendships work that way you've got to find a space where you can be a supporter when you can be the person in the audience for your friend yes I think that's major me too because a lot of people have problems seeing their friends win that's your problem you're gonna win one day Shannon used to be my plus one we talked about this yes and now I'm Shannon's plus one and it's it's okay because there are ebbs and flows and you just have to know that everyone's time is gonna come but in this time right now just be a good support system I'm still your plus one what are you talking about I'm your plus one I was your plus one on like Friday I would say know when to just listen oh yeah just listening a lot of your job as a friend is just listening I need to do that more than you do a great we always have this debate actually my opinion we have this debate all the time when you recognize something about a friend and you're like should I step in and try to tell them about themselves oh right or should I try and step in and tell them about their relationships right try and step in and give them advice and the answer is always no your job as a friend is not to be a therapist it's not to be a life coach it's not to be a modifier it's just to be an ear an ear it's to be a cheerleader it's to be the fun time in someone's life and when they want you to be the modifier when they want you to step in and be the preacher in their life they'll probably ask you but you wait for that moment and even then when that person asks you you still have to be and I think the same thing to like when you were going through your breakup with your ex because it was a long-ish breakup before it finally broke oh yeah I made sure I say nothing you did not know because I'm just like you're gonna figure it out in the time that's right for you but on top of that as well too who might a judge I know so little and next thing too as a friend you only hear them you only hear the bad yeah your friends not calling them being like guess and it's kind of obnoxious if they do right if you're like we're just laying right now in the bed watching Netflix chilling you're like is there points of story this is going somewhere I would love to hear in the comment section below what you're struggling with when it comes to friendship what is something right now if we were even to start like a small series just talking about friendships in general the same way we talk about romantic relationships what's something that you're currently going through or a question you have about friendship you'd like to discuss and yeah I'd love to hear what like for you makes up a great friend