 Hello there. This is a family doctor. Bison Pete's Revenge. Must be one of those Wild West shows. Bison Pete's Re- Oh, Dr. Adams, ain't you thrilled? Oh, hello there, Maddie Clark. Thrilled? Well, I suppose I am. What about? About this play that A. Bly has brought to see it. Bison Pete's Revenge? Yes. Well, yes, it does sound like it'd be thrilling. And with real live acting folk. Oh, I'm that excited. I just prickle all over. I just can't wait to buy him a ticket. I want to be the very first one. Have you seen the good-looking young man that acts out the hero parts? Oh, yes, yes, I've seen him. Oh, ain't he handsome? Just like one of them Greek statues. Oh, there, Sadie, just opened up the cashiers window now. Ain't you going to buy yours and Mrs. Adams tickets, sir, doctor? Oh, yes, I suppose I might as well. Well, come on then. Only I'm going to be the first. Hi, folks. Hi, Sadie. Well, are you ready to buy your cardboards for Ava Meyer's Terrific Opus? Oh, yes, I've been waiting for half an hour already. I want to be the first. First? Well, there'll be plenty of them. Don't get insomnia over that. Just stand in line, you two, and I'll deal them out. How many, Miss Clark? Just fun, thanks. There you are, Matty. How many for you, Doc? Two, I guess. Oh. There you are. You don't suppose to have handsome young play actors going to drop around this morning, do you, Sadie? You mean François Malet? Yes. Oh, isn't he wonderful? I got the lowdown on that guy, all right. Lowdown? What do you mean? François Malet. That's us, well, Monica. And I give him credit for thinking it up. His real name isn't François Malet. No. It's Franco Malet. What? Yeah. He comes from Bellingham, Washington. His old man used to drive a lumber wagon until he hit it lucky with the market. He went into the lumber business for himself. And Frank gets big ideas. Goes to college, gets an education, goes Hollywood. Hollywood? Has he been in Hollywood? Yes. Isn't it exciting? He makes one picture. He thinks he's a big shot. Gives the director the prima donna act and gets let out on his nose. So he changed his name to François Malet and hits the tent shows. Give him credit, though. He's made the grade. He sure makes you small town girls do a nip up. Yes. I think... What? I say they do. Well, I don't care. I think he's just marvelous. And if I could just get the chance to see him close up just once, I... I think I'd die. Well, get the casket out. He's standing right behind you. Oh, I... Yeah, you're part of that. I mean, I think I... Well, please excuse me. Entirely all right, dear lady. An actor can always bear a bit more of the plaudits of the crowd. Yeah, but he can't eat it. Well, your problem, doctor. I believe I met you at the Harmon Hotel. Huh? Oh, yes. Yes, that's right. Would you mind performing the honors? No. No, of course not. Well, what did you want? I would so sincerely appreciate an introduction to this fair lady. Oh, I mean, please. Oh, yes, of course. Miss Clark, may I present Mr. Malet? How do you do, Miss Clark? Well, I'm so pleased to meet you. I never so happy. And now, Miss Clark, can I hear you express a desire to obtain my autograph? Autograph? Oh, oh my goodness. Yes, I love it. I... Let me see. I don't know whether I have a pencil and a piece of paper or not. I... I don't... Oh, here. No, that's my laundry list. Well, that won't be necessary, Miss Clark. You shall have my photograph. Your... Your picture? Oh, dear, I can't stand it. Doctor, your pen, if you please. Oh, yes, sure. Of course. Of course. Francois Malet. To the fairest of the fair. Oh, my. Of the fair city of Sederton. Matty Clark. Oh. There, with my compliments, dear lady. Oh, Miss Malet, you... you just don't know what you've done for me. Well, heck he don't. You brought a new light into my life. On the contrary, my dear Miss Clark, you... you have done me the greatest of honors by accepting this humble token of my heartfelt appreciation for your interest in the forthcoming efforts upon the boards of your theater this evening. Oh, isn't that beautiful? Language like that just makes me want to cry. Well, it's just like one of Robert Maynard's sermons. Sermon? The theater is a sermon, Miss Clark. The most superb lessons of life may be learned from the words of wisdom which have dripped like honey from the pens of our inspired playwrights. Oh, my. For what is life but a play? All the worlds are staged, and the men and women on it only players. Thus speak the body of Avon. Yes. Wasn't it one under four? And now, Miss Schultz, how about my dockets for the cinema? Oh, your passes. Yes. You get ten of them, Mr. Maynard told me. Ten, that's correct, yes. If you don't mind my asking, what are you going to do with ten passes for your own show in a town you've never hit before or you don't know a soul? Give them to me and I'll show you. OK. There you are. Ten. And now, I take them between the thumb and forefinger of my two hands. You turn them up. Quite obviously. Yes, I'm tearing them in two. Why? Well, if I don't use them, they would undoubtedly be passed out among Mr. Maynard's friends. In as much as my salary for this evening's performance is no less, no more than ten percent of the grocery seats, I'd much rather Mr. Maynard's friends paid to see me in Dyson at Dyson Beats Revenge. You understand the show? Yeah, yeah, I get it. Oh, look. What's the matter, Maddie? She comes that terrible Nelson boy from Dunlap Junction. Hmm, so it is. Yes, Clint Nelson. Dunlap Junction. More customers, no doubt. No doubt. Complete with a peanut shells and tomatoes. Well, looks kind of quiet in Cedarston this a.m. How are you, babe? How many? How many what? Oh, tickets. Oh, thanks. And me and my pals think we'll crash the shell. Yeah? Okay, Scarface, try it. Or, uh, how would you like to dish over about four comps, babe? Four? Oh, sure. Why not? Abe Meyers only in business for his help. Go on. Cross the palm or scram. All right, I think I'll wait. Well, well, well. Who's the pretty boy? Uh, are you by any chance referring to the physiognomy appearing on the service of younger three-sheet malad? Yeah. No objection, I hope. Well, uh, that depends. Oh, yeah? For you. My name is Malay. Malay. Oh, so that's your Morgana poster, huh? Yes, it is. No objection, I hope. Yeah, smart guy, huh? I know, Sadie. You're looking swell. Thanks. Hey, would all of you give me I don't get in this barn tonight without paying no admission? I don't want to take your money, Clink. Oh, no? Hey, you're all right, Sadie. Hey, how about a date for tonight? After you get in through taking the customers on this punk show? No thanks, Clink. I've got other plans. Other plans, huh? Aw, come on, babe. You and me can have a swell time if you don't leave. I believe I heard the young lady decline your invitation. Yeah? Well, you wouldn't be buttoning into this, would you, pretty boy? Oh, if I'm properly persuaded, I might. Okay, Violet, you ask for it. Oh! You stuff it! You make him a little manada! You big boy! You want to get married all my life! Just a moment, just a moment, just a moment, please. I don't know who you are, young fellow, but, on the other hand, you don't know who I am. Yeah? Yeah. I haven't the slightest idea of how they treat young ladies in Dunlap Junction, but where I come from, they have different ideas about it from what you seem to have. Yeah? Yeah. I'd suggest that you offer your apologies to Miss Schultz for accosting her in the manner you did a moment ago. Apologize? Me? What are you talking about? I ain't never apologized to no dame up to now, and I ain't going to begin. I doubt that. Yeah? Yeah. Go ahead, Nelson. Apologize. I... I... No, I ain't going to. Okay, John Quill, this time you ask for it. Oh! It's a good thing for him. He had it coming to him. No, no, no. You stay back. Come on, Nelson. Come on. Stand up. Stand up. Let's try it again. Oh, you... You can't do this to... Oh! Shut up, look. This is beginning to get interesting. Wait a minute. You wait till I stand up. You pretty-looking jiggle-oil. Oh! Behold the man. Well, doctor, shall we pick up the pieces? What's your diagnosis of this case? I would say the young man from Dunlap Junction has momentarily lapsed into a temporary coma. You missed your calling, doctor. You should be an actor. Such timing is admirable. I hope you, dear ladies, will forgive such an unseemly demonstration. Oh, my goodness! Well, I never... What's the idea, Mr. Mellay? For have you been hiding that terrific right? Ah, well, I dislike to give in to any ostentatious display, but I fear I must admit a slight tendency toward fisticuffs. You see, four years ago, I was acclaimed intercollegiate middleweight boxing champion of the Pacific Coast. A pride fighter! Ye gods! Gentle Mellay! Yes, Miss Schultz. Gentle Mellay. I hope, though, you won't forget my professional pseudonym, Francois Millet. Don't worry, kid. I won't. Thanks. Well, doctor, do you think you'll be able to address this somewhat enlarged optic of mine down to normalcy by curtain time this evening? Oh, I... I think so. Hey, let's take a walk down to Blister's Market by a large piece of beef steak. Thank you, though. You know, I remember one time when I was in school. Oh, my... ain't he grand? Yeah. You know, Maddie, I was all set to hop home this evening and read a good novel. But instead, I think I'll take in this show. Oh! Oh! What was that? Don't worry, Maddie. It's just the white hope of Dunlap Junction coming back to the land of the living. Oh! Well, mastermind, what have you got that he hasn't got? Hello, Sadie. Hello, Clink. What do you have? Well, for me and my pals. Give me four tickets for tonight. This is the family doctor. I'll begin to see you again right soon. Goodbye.