 Hi, I'm Captain Dexter Griff from the reluctantly immortal series Red vs. Blue. But I'm Sarge. After seventeen seasons, we here in Blood Gulch have created a mature, yet immature, brand of comedy that you've all come to know and love. But imagine how boring it would get if we just continued to do the same things over and over again for another seventeen years. Alright, we're here to take the flag or something. I don't know. Blue. So bland. So boring. To keep us from going the dreaded way of the network sitcom, we've come up with a few ideas to really spice things up. For starters, to keep my favorite pizza from becoming just another boring cheese triangle, I like to add several new toppings onto it every time I order, like jalapenos, chewing gum, or pecans. Likewise, adding new characters to your cast can add some new life to your series. Alright, we're here to take your flag, filthy blue. Yeah, your filthy blues! Give us your flag! Wait, what? You'll never get our flag, Reds! Huh? Take that! Fucking bot! Who are you people? But not everyone can be a part of the glorious pineapple, bacon, garlic, olive, honey mustard pizza that is Red vs. Blue, so if some of the new ingredients don't work, just get rid of them. Like so. Like the relevant changes we made to the show. You mean the recruits? Why'd you shoot them? They didn't make the cut. And this is just the beginning! We have to go big or go home! If we want to stay relevant in this era of instant gratification and fickle yet powerful social media fan bases, don't at me, bro! Okay? Like what? Oh, what if we do an entire season where everyone's on those meth shrooms from Iris? Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Yeah? Ever wonder why we're here? Huh? Do you ever think about that? Simmons? Why are we here? I don't know, man. That would probably kill us. Well, picture this, Simmons. We stage a daring stunt where one of us has the gall to jump a tank full of vicious marine life to show how cool and daring we can truly be. Not going to literally or figuratively jump the shark, sir. We just start retconning stuff. Like, uh, it turns out that caboose has been an AI the whole time. Or even something insane like you two are long lost father and son. Griff. All those times I called you son. Dad? I refuse any ideas why I'm even remotely related to that pile of failure over there. Yeah, the feeling's mutual, dad. I mean, sir. Any other ideas? How about we explore an alternate reality where the blues are red and the reds are blue? A reality where the blue, sergeant, will never exist! I'll make sure of it. I know. Like, episodes in first person, fan votes, choose your own adventures, or even one-take script reads. Sounds like they get played out and get messy real fast. We shoot an adult drama about my sexual exploits throughout the universe. Ugh, messier still. And no pornos. Only you and Tucker want to see that. Oh, yo, what about we all become super best friends and we go around in a van solving mysteries? Hey, how about celebrity guest appearances or maybe cameos? You think we can get Elijah Wood to come back? The next person here to suggest something unoriginal or musical is getting shot. Do you stay relevant then after airing for so long? Bring back characters we all thought were dead? Ow, that crunch! Well, that still seems to work. Huh. Well, I guess we'll just keep fighting each other and making dick jokes for the foreseeable future till it stops being funny. I like it. Yeah, I agree. That's a good idea. Epic sauce. Perfecto! Now it's all jump at the same time to celebrate! Blue Jail! Red vs. Blue was not filmed in front of a live studio audience.