 My partner, yeah, too, and again, the branching of the road, it seems like it's pulled apart, it's like this separate commitment or answering a call, but, you know, just hearing your experiences as you work with Jessica and about, like, the things with homework and different things where you have pulled back and you are saying in many ways whether it's verbal or not, you know, you're going to need to take responsibility for your mind. You know, that's being a teacher of God, is being clear of oneself and not getting into the old protective modes and this and that, and that's the thing what it really comes down to when you talk about answering this call is just getting clearer and clearer and asking all these parents, you know, what is most helpful to communicate this? A lot of times it doesn't, Mary will test, many times it doesn't involve the actual words from the Course and I know with Jessica it wouldn't work either, but it's that sense of really communicating that joy, that's the inclusiveness, that's what people feel, so to speak. That's what's attractive. They feel the non-judgment, they feel very included, whether it involves any metacysics or any words like that. It's taught in so many little ways and demonstrated and to me that's the thing, instead of starting to pull it out from, okay, now what do I have to do to answer this call to really say, oh, I have been answering this call and anything that seems to be, come to mind that would be seen as a guilt or a deprivation or a sacrifice, I will continue to question that as I have been and I will continue. There's something else that I was thinking as you were saying that and that is that it's not about looking for permission to answer the call either, there's got to be something in there that, you know, the whole experience saying come and you're not going out to the world and saying should I, what do you think I should do? Every bud story to me, I went to a friend of ours, they've been very involved with the course for years and they love flowers and they have a lot of perennials and I kind of think so, they called me one day and said would you like to come over and get some, I'm dividing my flowers, would you like to get some perennials, I said sure. So I went over and I don't even have enough room for the perennials that Bud was giving me but he kept digging and it was just really a holy encounter, I didn't really care about perennials, we were having, you know, good conversation and he was digging and putting in my car and bringing him over and pretty soon my whole van was full of perennials and when I sat and told them about this call and that I was going to follow this, you know, and I didn't know how it was going to look and I can't be concerned about the future but I'm making this commitment that I've never made before but was very happy for me and he said but may I realize something? He says the amount of people that will support you are the amount that you can fit in your van with those perennials and I looked and I thought oh great can I squeeze at least five in here? I mean probably three, you know, so that kind of in my, with a smile of joy though it wasn't, well you know how many people are going to support you, it was just a smile of joy, it was like and you know this is, you need to do this but you know that's what's going to be so it's not about going out and seeking permission because if I were doing that obviously from a world sense no, I don't know that I'd be getting permission so you know it wasn't about that not permission but I do, I have had a real sense of people understanding on some level oh yeah, that I get to, the clearer I get and the more I'm open to asking for help in communicating that and you know people are seeing something they're not really sure a lot of times what it is but they're hearing something that they like and it's not that they're supporting me or not supporting me but there is a recognition well I found that same thing and at this point now it's like that word has been used, they're counting on you but there are people counting on me my children are counting on me, my husband, you know all of the people that I come into contact with, my family not family, immediate family but family and about family I remember mom saying are you going to be home with your family and I said what family, you know I will be home with this is my family this is my family, you know and I remember walking today looking at different homes like you did today thinking what is my home? that's a whole different way of mealing than anything it was a particular place, the mind is my home and it goes with me everywhere and it sounds like these people that are supporting you are your mind anyway so naturally the clearer you get the better the support groups are going to be and I have found that because it's a reflection of my clarity of family it comes down to, I close it away from the form, even a quantitative form because it comes down to what do I want to see my brother as a witness as a savior as a witness for God or as a witness to the ego so again that comes down to which lens am I looking through and that's the next once above even from a quantifiable sense that there seems to be more and more people that are really saying there's something there that as I'm approaching well which way will I see my brother here right mind is supportive, thank you regardless of what the form is there's a feeling of gratitude because of the purpose that I'm holding on to and with the ego lens regardless of what the form is someone could say they're supporting you if you're with the ego lens it's going to be perceived as attack or it'll be perceived as booing and that has also been a part of my experience very strongly and like you said I've expressed it to everybody that I can remember talking to was just expressing my gratitude because that was such a it just was like flowing out that of just thank you for your willingness to even come to me talk, you know, no matter how you feel about it you know my sister was still seemingly angry about it even her I said thanks for being willing just to talk and keep talking and I said I don't take it personally you know I'm willing to keep working with you I don't take it personally and the upset is never with me personally you know if there seems to be an upset it's because of what I would represent so if not because of me next paragraph goes right into the end whenever a teacher of God has tried to be a channel for healing he has succeeded should he be tempted to doubt this he should not repeat his previous effort that was only maximum because the Holy Spirit so accepted it and so used it now the teacher of God has only one course to follow he must use his reason to tell himself that he has given the problem to one who cannot fail and must recognize that his own uncertainty is not love but fear and therefore hate his position has thus become untable or he is offering hate to one to whom he offered love this is impossible having offered love only love can be received it is in this that the teacher of God must trust that is what is really meant by a statement that the one responsibility of a miracle worker is to accept the ottoman for himself the teacher of God is a miracle worker because he gives the gifts he has received yet he must first accept them he need do no more nor is there more that he could do by accepting healing he can give it if he doubts this let him remember who gave the gift and who received it thus is his doubt corrected he thought the gifts of God could be withdrawn that was a mistake but hardly want to stay with and so the teacher of God can only recognize it for what it is and let it be corrected for him on this circumstance I don't know if the past was actually doubting that the past was completed then he is just saying teacher of God right now accept another way and to me that is really important because even if you look at it in a linear sense again you can get back into saying well I seem to have been more successful sharing my purpose and holding my attention to certain situations in other situations I seem to have been less successful but that whole thing it just dissolves in the idea that well it depends on which lens I was looking through or it depends on which person I was holding which purpose I was holding that really is what it comes down to it doesn't have anything to do with whether they seem to be receptive at the time they seem to react positively they seem to react lukewarm they seem to react negatively you know it really didn't have anything to do with what I was perceiving on the screen it just totally brings it really back to that inward thing well will I hold the torch the light and the truth out front or not you know it takes it away from even looking back to from this point forward so to speak what will I choose to hold what will I choose to teach with to me that's the beautiful thing about the course that just all of the passes gets snipped off you know you start thinking well I don't even have to go back and break it apart start again right now my you're getting your magnitude there though if the memory seems to come and you could think of that if it seems to ruffle your feathers it thus becomes essential for the teacher of God to let all his own mistakes be corrected if he senses even the faintest hint of irritation in himself as he responds to anyone let him instantly realize that he has made an interpretation that is not true then let him turn within to his eternal guide and let him judge what the response should be so is he healed and in his healing is his pupil healed with him the sole responsibility of God's teacher is to accept the atonement for himself atonement means correction or the undoing of errors when this has been accomplished the teacher of God becomes a miracle worker by definition his sins have been forgiven him and he no longer condemns himself how can he then condemn anyone and who is there whom his forgiveness can fail to heal the emphasis of this course always remains the same it is at this moment that complete salvation is offered you and it is at this moment that you can accept it this is still your one responsibility atonement might be equated with total escape from the past and total lack of interest in the future heaven is here there is nowhere else heaven is now there is no other time no teaching that does not lead to