 Hello everybody, E here. Welcome back to the end of the decade special show. This time we're going to do things just a little bit different. Since there's been a lot of discussion about how pointless worst of the year lists are, or worst of the decade lists are, I decided to do something completely different. Now I don't have books for the entire 10 years. From 2000, I guess it would be 2000 to 2019 this year. So what I'm doing instead is I'm going to go over to Goodreads, and I'm going to pull up from the most recent time I started giving one-star reviews. It's not that I didn't dislike books before 2000. I think it's 2015. It's just that I wasn't actually reviewing and making a note of them. The whole point of this video, the twist, the plot twist, is that every single time I talk about a book that I dislike, I am going to be doing the bam boozled jelly bean challenge. So every single time before I start talking about a book, I'm going to eat a jelly bean. Whether it's good or bad, just like books that you pick up off your shelf, whether or not it's good or bad is up to the bookish gods. So we're going to pick up a jelly bean. I'm going to, I'm going to spin the wheel, show you guys the wheel, show you guys what I'm going to get. I'm going to grab a jelly bean that looks like that. Now, if I happen to talk about a book that has above, that has above four stars, okay, y'all, y'all got to give me, y'all got to give me that. If I talk about a book that the majority of Goodreads loves, that's above four stars, I have to put this nasty thing in my mouth. This is, some of you might remember this. This is the Toe of Satan challenge that I did way back in the way back. Shell was with me. Shell, say hi. Shell is with me as emotional support because this video is going to suck. Dan, can we, can we get a hello from you? Nope, silence. That's Dan. Chris, you want to say hello? Hi. Yeah, okay. So everybody's here, but because I don't want to get demonetized and deleted because of the new, the new non-family friendly system, I don't have the kids in the video. But anyways, so anything above four star average, I have to put this thing in my mouth for how long, Shell? I don't know. A minute. That's what I say. A minute. So instead of the, so I have, it's 2005, 2015 to recent. So I have a chance to put this thing in my mouth five times. 2015, 2016, 17, 18, 19. We also going to be here for a while. So sit back, grab your snacks and relax. I didn't mean for any of that to rhyme. Let's jump into the video. Okay. So the first video, not video, not video. We're talking about books here. The first book I'm talking about from 2015, the lowest rated that I had. I had several, I had one, two, three, four, five, no, four books that I rated one star. One is Gord Rollo's Peeler, which I don't remember anything about. Two are Dean Coombs books. We all saw that coming. But there's one that really stands out to me. That's the one that I'm going to focus on. And that is the customer is always. I think it's the customer is always wrong. I don't know. It's just the customer is always by Stuart Keen. I remember seeing this book a lot in, in not videos, but in on Goodreads, a lot of people reading it. And unfortunately, we're going to go to the Toa Satan folks because this has a average rating of 4.12. Actually, before that, I don't already broke my own rules. I have to spin the wheel because I'm talking about a book I didn't like. Oh, no, no, no. We got coconut or spoiled milk. No. Okay. If you guys have seen me, everybody in the background has covered their face. If you guys have seen the is it nasty video with this that me and Shell did. Okay. Um, spoiled milk. Yeah. It's just, it's a white, just white, just white. All right. So white one. Chris is already laughing. Here we go. There you go. Coconut. Oh, no. I have to get it down. How do I get spoiled? I get spoiled milk twice. Stuart Keen, if you're watching, this is for you. This is worst luck ever. Worst luck. How do I get toys? Did you get it? You didn't get it last time. Did you? No, I didn't. You got the coconut, but you don't like coconut. Okay. So we're going to, while I'm chewing on this, we're going to talk. Oh, God, this is so nasty. While we're done, I'm going to read you a little bit. Get that shit out your mouth. Okay. So I'm going to read. I'm going to read. What am I going to read? I'm going to read something. Okay. So I'm going to read you one paragraph out of this that actually makes me chuckle. There's little to no description in this novella. Mostly we're simply told things like, a blonde man was standing there looking out of place. How did he look out of place? Was he doing a bit of Batman cosplay? Was he wearing red on blue Friday? Did he have his finger up his bum when everyone else was clearly picking their nose? Give me something to work with here, please. Oh, and I like this one too. Sarah smiled and leaned down to look at her watch. Where was her watch on her ankle? Why was she leaning down? Are you fucking with me, Mr. Author Man? That's a bit from my review. Oh, we're going to jump, that was 2015. Very good year for reading for me by the way, but we are going to jump from that into 2016. Everybody in the background right now is trying not to laugh, but we're going to go to 2016 for Goodreads. I'll be back with y'all in a minute. And Dan just reminded me that I had to do the toe for a minute. Anybody got their phone on them in the background? All right, pull up. We got to do a whole minute. The teenager, of course. Dan definitely has to, oh God, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart. This is what you, this is what you get for that review. This is your recompense. Do you know what recompense, let me stop. Let me stop. Okay, so we don't want to do this. Are we ready? I got, I got a bowl. I got a bowl. Dan, are we ready? Three, two, one. Thumbs up when it's done. Leave a comment down in the doobly-doo if you knew what he said. Yeah, I kind of got it. Mmm. Oh, this is so not good. Holy shit. I'll put a timer up on the screen for every single one of these. This is literally still a toe. Nope. Nope. Are we already? Nope. We're already on that bowl. Thank you so much for reminding me, Dan. That's fucking wonderful. Okay, so there was a lot of one-star reviews in a, I could cherry pick. I could really cherry pick and pick out the ones that are under four stars. That toe is Satan, man. Okay, so I had one, two, three, four, five, six, seven one-star reviews. The Killing Floor, the Fun House, Jenny Finn, Doom Messiah, Once, The Seller, One Door Away From Heaven, and Return to the Dark House. The only one on here I remember disliking so much that it sticks in my memory is, oh, thank you, is James Herbert's Once. The book, everybody kept saying that you needed to read James Herbert, so I picked the only book that I had. My mouth is so hot right now. Luckily, we don't have to go to the toe of Satan, because it's only 3.75 stars. But I'm gonna read you from my review, but first, I am going to do this utterly garbage ass challenge that I set up for myself. I'm gonna spin the bamboozled. Okay, here we go, here we go, let's not get spoiled. Okay, green, no blue. That's the blue one. If you can see, it's, it's moving, but the blue one, it says berry blue or toothpaste. I don't mind either one of those, so we're gonna hop right into this joker, and I'm gonna get this one. If I get toothpaste, it's fine. The toothpaste was really strong though. What'd you get? I don't know yet. It's all just pain. Yeah, so how does it feel with that toe of Satan? I keep it tasty. That's kind of, oh, that's Colgate. Oh, that's 110% Colgate. There ain't no berry about that. But yeah, I don't have to put that devil toe in my mouth no more. So James Herbert, is James Herbert alive anymore? James Herbert, if you're out there watching for the memes, no. Dan is gonna look up on the phone whether or not James Herbert's still with us. Oh, I'm gonna get that out of my mouth. But while Dan is doing that, I'm gonna read from you. Oh, James Herbert, man, y'all, I feel terrible. Maybe he needed more toothpaste. Okay, been dead for 13 years. 2013. 2013, I missed the 20, y'all. Okay, so boy, oh boy, was this book shit. Fortunately, it was a buddy reading with my good friend, Thomas Strongquist. Love you, Thomas. If you ever come across a video, don't think you're watching any of the videos. But if you do, love you. I was in the Impression, Impression, Impression. There's a toe of Satan there. There's a toe of Satan got my tongue wildin', y'all. Okay, this one, the kids probably need to plug their whatever. We're an open family here. I was a man stumbles across a child, Master Baton, in the woods and becomes a roused. If you're asking what the fuck you damn well should be. Out here, Tom first assumes that this Undyne, human sized fairy, is a child. But even though she looks 10, she still manages to give old Tom a ride. We're gonna stop there because there's people in the background. This book was terrible, y'all. It had some fairies, some stuff in it that we don't want to talk about because we're a family friendly channel. So, that's some hot garbage from 2016. Next up, we're gonna do 2017 and, y'all, I gotta eat another bean. But first up, I'm gonna scroll back. I'll catch y'all in a minute. Okay, so in 2017, I read a whole grip of books. This was probably the last year I was super hyperactive on Goodreads. I read like 120 some of my books and I have one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Of course, because I was so active, I was bound to have more books that I disliked. I was thinking it's a tie between Final Girls with Ridley Sager. If you want to watch my video, I'll try to remember to link it down there in the doobly doobly, but I might have mental anguish and I might forget because it's Toa Satans messing me up. And I'm about to have to put this thing back in my mouth because had I picked Final Girls, it has a rating of 3.81. But what I'm picking is Mind the Children, y'all. The Shadow of the Wind by this mofo Ruiz Zafan Carlos Ruiz Zafan. Okay, so we're gonna go ahead. Because this book is a treasured classic. No, it's just because this is the challenge. I have to spin this stupid thing. Okay. Chocolate pudding or canned dog food? I'm pretty sure I've had dog food. We both had dog food. We both had. Okay, so we started off with the worst thing. Yeah. Can't get dog food. Your luck is cracked. Okay, the dog should. Chocolate pudding! I put the damn toe in my mouth for a minute. Get your phone ready because we're gonna do this. Actually, let's do it two minutes this time. Two minutes, we're gonna escalate this. I hope I can finish this video. That was delicious. That was actually delicious after all the bullshit I've had in my mouth. Okay, so the Shadow of the Wind. I'm not gonna read from my review because it's not funny. I do not understand why people love this book. And most people out there like, yes, totally Satan. You deserve it. I understand. I don't get it. Like, there's a whole lot of nostalgia having to do with this book being set in a library. And I feel that readers automatically love books set in libraries no matter what happens in that library. I just feel that that drew people on more than anything else. Because if you look at the sequels, the sequels are not as beloved as the first book. But that's with any series really, except for Harry Potter. I hate Harry Potter, too. But anyways, Toa of Satan shells in the background giving me a look that definitely I haven't known alone time All right, Dan, you ready? Three, two, one. Oh, my goodness. You haven't even hit the one minute mark yet. Mm-hmm. This book so much I have no tolerance for this anymore. The whole portion would end the video right now. Any normal person. No, well, if anything happens to this footage, I'm gonna burn it all down. We're gonna jump right into 2018. That was last year. So it was a very disappointing year for me. I didn't like several books. I am legend. Elevation. The last winner of Danny Lansing. The President is missing. The Great Hunt. The Mansion. Huh. Jonathan Strange and Mr. Noel. The Blackbird. Survived the Night. No Exit. Neverwalled Wake. But what we're gonna talk about now is, oh, thank you so much. 3.78 star average for Neverworld Wake. I waited 75 years for this book and it was absolutely terrible. The idea of the concept behind the book sounded fantastic, but it ended up being a repetitive pile of shit. The reasoning for that is Marissa Pessil, who wrote one of my top five favorite books of all-time night film, decided to use an idea entitled The House of Elsewhere Bend. I have art up there. That's why I'm pointing. I can't even talk. Yeah, I didn't think to use that as like a side concept. Well, that was that concept was more interesting than the book that I actually read. So fuck that book. Fuck it. I'm dying. You know what I forgot to do? I forgot to eat the fucking jellybee. All right. Oh, please stop. Please. Please. I'll take it. Oh, canned dog food or chocolate pudding again? Bruh, there's only two more brown jellybeans left. We both got dog food, so the chances of me getting chocolate pudding for very high. Chocolate pudding. Dog food. Dog food. I'm so sorry. It's dog food. Dog food's not bad. Dog food's not bad. Sure, dog food. Dan. You heard Dan's voice. Dan screwed up. Actual dog food isn't that bad. Whole thing. Dan wasn't going to talk. Dan talked. I'm not going to cut none of that out. Oh, did I just, did I just jump into Earl over there? Well, y'all, y'all ever ate canned dog food? Like, I don't understand it. Like, why is it so delicious? No, Earl, stop it. Stop. Canned dog food's not, you know, when you're down and out, you'll eat damn near anything is what you'll eat. And I didn't have, I didn't have some, she talking about my breath is what she's talking about. Oh, hell. Why I gotta be in this man's body when he does stuff that toe of the devil in his mouth hole? I don't understand nothing about that. Anyways, on with the vision. Okay, onward to 2019, the last year of the decade. We're finally here. Now, I'm going to give you the, I'm going to give you all the ones that I gave one star to. Only one of them's over four is only over four, but I didn't even finish the books. I don't feel right talking about it. That's an American assassin, Mitch Rapp won. But we're going to talk about, we're not going to talk about, I'm just, y'all, I don't lost it. Okay, so we have The Eyes of the Dragon, Star, The Mask, The Obsolete, The Grown-Up, American Assassin, The Chain, and The House of Thunder. The Obsolete is the one that sticks out most in my mind. But it's for an odd reason that the book is, the book is in allegory, uses robots instead of people of color, instead of like maybe even homophobia, xenophobia, just any of those things, racism, any of those things. The robots, I didn't like the fact that he literally dehumanized the characters. It's like, you know, these people already think, hateful people already don't think these people are human. These people already think that these people aren't human. So I didn't think it did anything for, I didn't think it was, you know, I didn't think he missed the mark of the book. The Obsolete has an average right now of a 3.38. Thank you, bless the baby Jesus. Oh, so much fire, so much death in my mouth. I know these are objective and subjective opinions, but the same thing goes for these best of and worst of lists. They start conversations. I think they are both, I think they are both good to talk about. I am doing this, this absolutely insane thing here at the end of the decade, because I find it funny. But if you want to do worst of list or only best of list, do what you do. Me, I'm about to eat one final jelly bean before we, oh no, don't do that, before we call this an end, and we have, oh no, a buttered popcorn or rotten egg. I couldn't get chocolate put, there's only one chocolate put. Okay, so, Shale, come here, come here, find me the, find me the buttered popcorn or the rotten egg. My vision is blurry. I'm starting to get cat cramps, with the capsaicin cramps to the stomach, and my vision is fading. This is the end, y'all. This is the end, this right here is the end, dance over there clapping. Oh, no, look at this thing. Come on, y'all, vote, vote down there in the doobly-doo right now. Pause the video and vote down there in the doobly-doo. Is this buttered popcorn or rotten eggs? Three, two, I can't take it. Oh my god. Oh, oh, I reviewed. I'm so sorry, and this is how the voices go. You know what, you know what's not on this list? Josh Mailerman's bird bot. You know why it's on there? Because I got threatened, death threats, because I didn't like the book, but yet the book had people out there bungee jumping from umbilical cords and shit, but it's terrible. It's also head full of ghosts sitting on this list. Y'all ought to be ashamed. Oh my gosh, that is disgusting. Okay, we're gonna get, we're gonna get this down. We're gonna get this down. Okay, I got down, it's down, it's gone. I'm not putting that toe back in my mouth. I don't even like feet. Y'all be out there sucking on toes, I don't understand it. Yeah, why y'all out there sucking on toes? I don't get it. Like, that's just one thing, y'all be walking on that stuff. Don't you step in dog poop? I don't get it. Like, like, what, what's, what's, what's the finishes with y'all stepping, not stepping in dog poop? There ain't nobody got no finished stepping in dog poop, but somebody, oh damn, you got to finish stepping in dog poop. They monetize. So until next time. So I have been, you have been, you, this has been both the bamboozle challenge that Shell took away, bamboozle challenge and the Toe of Satan and the worst books of the decade as voted for by me. I'll talk to y'all next time. Bye-bye!