 Hey guys, my name is Boris. I'm a board-certified physician assistant. Welcome to my channel if you're new here. The topic of today's video is going to be Relationships in PA School. So I was doing a little perusing on the Reddit Pre-PA page and the physician assistant page. And I've been seeing a pretty common topic pop up lately since it's been getting colder outside in most of the United States. And that topic is Relationships. Boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, fiancés, in PA school. So I wanted to talk about that for just a minute. But one giant caveat I wanted to throw in here is one thing that I firmly believe about relationship advice is you should not take it from anybody whose relationship you do not want to emulate. That's one of the few pieces of advice I really, really, really wish I would have learned earlier in my life. That would have saved me so many years and so much pain, you have no idea, and so much money, but you have no idea. So that's definitely one thing that I'd like to throw in here. You should not take relationship advice from anybody whose relationship you do not want to emulate, or at the very least whose relationship outlook you do not agree with. Okay? So with that, I want to tell you that I'm not currently in a relationship. I was in a relationship about the first year to a year and a half of PA school, and it actually ended during clinical year. So if you don't want to take advice from someone whose relationship actually ended during PA school, you should probably turn off this video. And I'm definitely not going to go into the reasons that ended. That's like super personal. I'm never going to put that out to the general public. It's just not something I care to share. It's not what this channel is about. And just to maintain everyone's privacy and dignity, I'm like, that's just not something I'm ever going to talk about. So that out of the way. But the reason that it really ended was we just were not aligned in our beliefs and our ideals and who we were as human beings. My ex is one of the most incredible people I've ever met. And that'll probably never change. And anybody that meets her, I guarantee you will agree. She's an incredible, incredible person. And I was lucky to know her for as long as I did. So it's not like the relationship ended for any reason, like she was a bad person. And I don't think I was a bad person. It just straight up was not a match. It's like that analogy with that like little kids toy with all the different shapes that you have to put into the different cutouts for those shapes. And people say like when two people are not ideologically aligned, it's like trying to shove a round peg into a square hole or a square peg into a round hole, you know, it's just like, you know, there's nothing wrong with the peg or the box. It's just the fact that it's just not a match, you know, it's just not aligned. So that's the best way I can describe it. It just it was not a match and it had to end and it did. And I think we're both better people for it. So with that out of the way, and also the caveat of if you don't want to take advice from someone whose relationship actually ended during PA school, and if you don't want to take advice from someone who was in a relationship that was not aligned for a little too long, and then finally did end it, you know, shut off this video, I'm just not somebody you should take advice from or really even listen to when it comes to your relationships, we just may not be aligned in that way. But if you are interested in what I'm going to say, here we go, I'm going to say it relationships in PA school. So most of the questions that I'm reading are somewhere along the lines of how does a relationship survive PA school? Do relationships survive PA school? How hard is it to maintain a relationship in PA school? And the answer to all these questions is yes. Yes, relationships do survive PA school. Yes, it is possible to maintain a relationship in PA school. And yes, it is also very difficult because PA school just takes so much time and relationships take time and effort. So therefore, yes, it's going to be a little harder to balance those things. But it's totally possible. My class had 75 people in it. And I definitely don't know how many people were in relationships. I didn't count. But I definitely can tell you that there was a lot of engagements. There was a lot of marriages. There was a few relationships like brand new relationships that were formed. I'm not sure if they're still together or not. Some are some are not. But the point is there were plenty of relationships that did start that were maintained. And there were engagements and marriages and all those wonderful things that ended up coming during PA school and shortly thereafter. So it's definitely, definitely possible just by the many examples that I saw in my own experience in my own PA school class. So I know that doesn't give you like any specific advice on how to do it or what the likelihood is of your relationship surviving. But just straight up by the numbers and examples of other people doing it, you can just kind of be a little more comfortable, a little more confident that if other people's relationships survived or other people began relationships during PA school, you know, maybe the same thing can happen for you. It absolutely can. Maybe it will. And by the way, I just came home. So the light from my car just came on. So ignore that if that's distracting. The next thing I want to say is that PA school, I don't know if you've heard, but it's very stressful. The light just came off. PA school is very stressful. It takes a lot of time, takes a lot of effort. You end up losing sleep. You end up giving up time and weekends. And it's just, it's a giant stress in your life. But there's other giant stresses in your life, you know, kids, family issues, death of a parent, death of a loved one, death of a pet, you know, other accidents, other bad things happening. So not to make you depressed, but my point is PA school isn't really unique in that it's just a giant stress in your life like many other things. And if your relationship cannot handle PA school, maybe it won't be able to handle other big stresses in your life. Like COVID, I think the divorce rate just just spiked during COVID because there was so much stress and so much stuff going on and a lot of relationships were really stress tested and just didn't survive. And maybe that's a good thing because when you stress test something, it either breaks or gets stronger or you know that it is strong. So if the relationship didn't survive because of COVID or because of PA school, maybe it wasn't meant to be anyway because it just couldn't handle that stress. And it's just a matter of time until some other kind of stressful thing happens, and then it breaks, you know, and you just wasted all that time and effort and hope for the future and stuff, only for it to break later. You know, so if your relationship doesn't survive PA school, see that as a blessing because it just wasn't meant to be, you know what I mean? And if it does, you know, conversely on the other side of that coin, if it does survive PA school, maybe it was meant to be or at the very least maybe that is a testament to how strong your relationship is because it just survived this massive really, really difficult thing, you know, so maybe that's a good thing. And the last thing I want to say, I think this video is going to be really quick just because I don't have a whole lot to say on this. I'm not like a relationship expert, not really someone who like gives a relationship advice. It's just not something I do, but it was an interesting topic and I do obviously have some experience with it, so I wanted to kind of give you guys my answer. And so the last thing I want to say doesn't really have to do with romantic relationships necessarily, but just all the relationships in your life, your parents, your friends, your grandparents, all your other family members, just everybody else in your life that matters. And one thing that I've heard over and over again, that's told to people who are starting PA school is this. You have to kind of sit people who are important to you down and tell them and make them understand that these next two years or three years, however long your PA school program is, these next couple of years are going to be selfish. They're going to be very selfish for you because you're doing something that requires a lot of time and a lot of effort and just a lot of you. So if those people are used to you being present, giving them time, giving them effort, seeing them, taking them places, doing things for them, whatever it is that they're used to you being in their life for, maybe for a short period of time, at least they won't have that and they have to be okay with that. They're not allowed to guilt you. They're not allowed to pressure you. They're not allowed to get mad. They're not allowed to give you crap for you not being there because what you're doing is big and important and special and it's you living your purpose and it's not forever. It's just for those couple of years. That's why it's a selfish period being a medical provider is a very altruistic. It's not a selfish thing at all because it takes a lot of effort, but it can be seen as selfish because you just have to study. You have to sit by yourself. You have to do all this stuff that seems like you're doing it for yourself. You know, you have to get the grades. You have to pass PA school so that you can become a PA, but you're becoming a PA to help the world and live your purpose and really like help your community and just be a good person to do good work for other people. So it's not selfish at the end of the day, but it can be perceived as selfish because it seems like you're doing these things for you so you can become a PA. So you just, you kind of have to sit your people down, your parents, your spouse, your fiance, your girlfriend, boyfriend, your friends, everybody that's important to you and just give them that presence and give them that time to understand. Look, for these next couple of years, I just straight up will not have a lot of time, energy or effort. And even if I am physically present, I might be so drained mentally that I just, I will not be able to give you the time and energy and presence that you might be used to getting from me because all my energy is going to be put into this thing that is very, very, very difficult to do and very important for me and very important in me living my purpose and making the world a better place. Okay, so I just wanted to explain that piece of advice because I think it's excellent. I think it's very important. What you're doing the next two years is important. What you're doing the next two years matters. And it might seem like it's selfish to people who are used to you giving them effort, but it's not. If they love you, if they accept you, they have to understand that these next couple years are just going to be you focusing on this one big thing, first, second and third priority and everything else has to come after that. It just does. Hopefully that was helpful to some of you about the topic of relationships in PA school. Let me know if you want me to talk about this in any other way. I don't really know how much credibility I have on this because my, like I said, my relationship did end during PA school, but at the same time, I think that does actually give me some credibility to talk about the topic. If you agree, you know, like the video, let me know what you want me to talk about and I'll see you guys in the next video.