 Description, description, description. So many times students will come up with a slew of telling phrases. I am this. I care about that versus showing the attribute. Let's run through some examples on how to develop an entire story from one line. Thank you for joining me on my channel for the best personal statement coaching. Hit subscribe, hit the bell, and you won't miss a video I post every Tuesday. When I work with students, I help them develop robust, compelling, emotional, heartfelt stories. And so we'll run a few examples today. Hi, I'm Dr. Josie with Write Your Acceptance as a writing faculty and a personal statement coach. I know how to help students perfect their story. And so we're going to run through some examples today. If you want to jump on a free strategy call with me, definitely click on the link in the description below to schedule your appointment today. Example one, the line from the student is I am passionate about learning the root causes of ailments through a few why exercises and kind of drawing out some examples from experiences. This is what the paragraph kind of developed into an overweight 57 year old female subject froze in fear when she learned she would be standing on one leg 30 times for 30 second intervals adopting a more passive lifestyle. She now saw the task as an impossible mountain. Here I would add exactly how very specifically how the student worked with this patient or client. As a research assistant for Dr. T's chronic and acute ankle instability study, I tested four pathways for injury using transcranial magnetic stimulation and then electrical stimulation on the H reflex. As an integral part of the research project, this experience was memorable because I assisted in garnering an explanation as to why some individuals are prone to ankle sprains. Learning the root cause of ailments and how to execute comprehensive problem solving skills draw me to a career in medicine. That section at the beginning where we're describing the female subject, what types of exercises she was having to do for the study. I would add more specific examples on how the student worked with the client with the patient. And then even in the second half where we start with as a research assistant for Dr. T's chronic and acute ankle instability, I tested four pathways. I could even see the student take that like a step further and talk exactly like show me that with the actual client or patient. Either way, we have more image driven kind of clauses and sentences at the beginning. We're seeing the patient and the student kind of work together. It's a very patient centric experience. And then we have the telling aspect in the bottom of the paragraph. So if you're going to have any telling phrases, I care about this, I am this, I'm passionate for, you want to have that after you kind of queue up the experience in a very imagistic sensorial way. Example two, the line was, I aspire to offer personalized and comprehensive care to patients. Again, more kind of questioning and deepening into examples allowed us to work through and develop this paragraph. A fourth floor patient cried as I walked the doors of the Shands medical wing. Despite her anguish, our shared personality trait to socialize and connect deep in our Puerto Rican genes gave way to an enriching relationship, gossiping about her children, humming songs from her childhood and shaking her shoulders to an imaginary beat would never indicate that the authorities found this elderly woman in filthy living conditions left abandoned by her adult children. Physically, she had ulcers, uncontrolled diabetes, renal failure, hypertension and dementia. She remained under the care of Dr. Pete, who I shadowed for six weeks in which I helped nurture her socially while they treated her medical conditions. Here we have kind of a connection with the patient. We kind of have that connection through a diverse quality. So we drop the pin on culture and identity, right through their Puerto Rican genes. They have XYZ and make afford a connection because of that. And then we have kind of exactly why the patient was there, how they were shadowing, and then what they did. So this is a very kind of image driven, again, paragraph, which was much more robust and developed than the initial sentence, which was, I aspire to offer personalized and comprehensive care to patients. Do you have a quality or sentiment you want to convey in your personal statement, but you're not sure how to do it? Comment below. I'd love to give you my two cents. Example three, I love to help people. You're never going to write that, right? After a couple of questioning and brainstorming and then organizing the students brainstorming to kind of really feel out and tease out the aspect of care and help that they want to focus on, this is what kind of came out for the first draft. Waiting in the exasperating line at a pharmacy, an elderly man fumbled through his worn leather wallet unable to retrieve his insurance card. He whispered frustrated and colorful words in Spanish as he felt the impatience hovering behind him. Unsure if I would lend a hand, I asked him in Spanish if I could, Ayudad, his newly lit up face gave me the go ahead and it immediately I played liaison between the man and the pharmacist. After ensuring he received the proper medication and instructions, he patting me on my shoulder and said I reminded him of his son. And then they talk about kind of how this type of care, not only for the patient while they're in the physician's practice, but caring for the patient in all aspects is kind of how they connected to helping patients and helping people in general. If you want more feedback on how to write your personal statement, definitely book your one-on-one call with me. The link is in the description and if you found this helpful, please give us a like, share with your pre-med friends and that always helps, I really appreciate it. I'll see you guys soon. Thank you!