 Now, Anderson, the tablet's thousands of physicians and dentists recommend for fast relief of pain of headache, neuritis, neuralgia, and Bicidal mints that quickly rid stomach of gastric distress, present Armist Brooks, starring Eve Arden. It's time once again for another comedy episode of Armist Brooks Transcribe. But first, believe anything you like about what this or that way to relieve pain of headache, neuritis, or neuralgia will do for you. But there is one important fact you can't get away from. And that is thousands of users of Anderson have been introduced to this remarkable product through their own physicians or dentists. These people know how incredibly fast and effectively Anderson acts to relieve pain. Anderson is like a doctor's prescription. That is, Anderson contains not just one, but a combination of medically proven active ingredients in easy-to-take tablet form. Next time you suffer from the pain of a headache, neuritis, or neuralgia, don't wait for relief, try Anderson. You'll be delighted with these tablets incredibly fast action. Try Anderson on this guarantee. If the first few Anderson tablets do not give you all the relief you want, as fast as you want it, return the unused portion and your money will be refunded. All drug counters have Anderson in handy boxes of 12 and 30 tablets and economical family size bottles of 50 and 100. I'll repeat the name for you, Anderson. ANACIN. Well, some people are just naturally shy and retiring, but according to our Miss Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High School, Mr. Boynton overdoes it. Yes, we don't even hold hands when we go to the movies. Except, of course, when I surreptitiously slip him the sixty-five cents for my ticket. Even that slight contact could be more romantic if it lasted a bit longer. But the minute he feels a half dollar a dime in the nickel, he lets go. I remember one night I was 15 cents short. That's the hottest time I've had with him in six years. After brooding about this stalemate all week, I decided last Thursday night to give him up once and for all, to put him completely out of my mind. It was difficult to do, but once I had arrived at the decision, I stretched out on my bed, turned out the light, and in no time at all, I was peacefully writhing around shredding my sheets. Friday morning, my landlady had an even rougher time than usual, trying to wake me up. Connie, wake up, Connie. Connie, time to get up there. Rise and shine, Connie. Oh, good morning, Mrs. Davis. Thanks for waking me. I've got to get to school. What's this? What am I doing with my clothes on? You put them on ten minutes ago when I woke you the first time. I should have slept in them. They could use a good pressing. I'll straighten your bed while you get your shoes on, and goodness, what made you take all those face towels to bed with you? Those aren't face towels. That's what's left of the sheet. I'm afraid I had a very restless night, Mrs. Davis. I tossed and turned for hours. Worrying about Mr. Boynton, Connie? Not anymore. I decided to call it quits. But, Connie... Oh, I know I've said that before, but this time I mean it. I'm going to forget all about him. When did you arrive at that decision? Yesterday, after another one of our amorous dates in the park zoo. It was terribly disappointing, Mrs. Davis. The more so, since four or five minutes seemed genuinely romantic when Mr. Boynton breathed on the back of my neck. When did he do that? When did he do that? While he was looking over my shoulder at the monkeys. He's a strange man in many ways, Connie. But I'm sure you can patch it up. Well, there's nothing to patch up, Mrs. Davis. I'm just going to put him out of my mind completely. Whatever you say, dear. Now please put on your shoes and come into the dinette. Breakfast will be ready in a jiffy. You go on ahead. I'll be right in. Oh, gosh, I'm sleepy. Well, don't take too long, dear. I don't want your grapefruit to get cold. Don't worry. I'll be there in a minute. Oh, Connie. Connie, would you like some toast? Hmm? Oh, yes, Mrs. Davis. I'd love some toast. Where is it? Just lift your head, dear. It's under your cheek. I can't remember when I've been so knocked out. It was those dreams, I guess. I must have dreamt of a hundred people and every one of them looked like Mr. Boynton. Well, that's the way it goes, dear. The minute you try to forget someone, he takes over your thoughts completely. Maybe if I read the morning paper, I can get him out of my mind. Let's see what the headlines... Mrs. Davis, look on the front page, a picture of Mr. Boynton. Let me see. Why, Connie, what's the matter with you? This is the Indian Ambassador. What? I should say the American Ambassador to India. What is the image of Mr. Boynton? The hair, the eyes? Well, on closer study, this seems to be a much older man than Mr. Boynton. Still, there's a remarkable resemblance. You only imagine there is because of your mental conflict. Don't you see, Connie? One side of your mind is trying to boot Mr. Boynton out, while the other side is trying to lock him in. No wonder it's so noisy in there. My head is just spinning. Well, take it easy, dear. Remember, the one thing most difficult to forget is what you're trying to forget. If you'll cooperate with me, Connie, I'll show you just what I mean with a simple little experiment. Just try to forget an object on this table, anything at all. Well, the coffee pot, for example. This coffee pot? Any coffee pot. Now close your eyes and clear your mind. Close them tightly. That's it. Now, Connie Brooks, I command you not to think of a coffee pot. There's no such thing as a coffee pot. No coffee pot at all. Just keep telling yourself you must not think of a coffee pot. No coffee pot. I must not think of a coffee pot. That's right. No coffee pot. No coffee pot. Now quickly, Connie, what are you thinking of? A coffee pot. I can't understand it. Something must have gone wrong. Try again now. Are you still thinking of a coffee pot? Yes, but it looks like Mr. Boynton. The handle is the same shape as his nose. The lid is the same shape as his head. In fact, the whole thing is... No, no, I'm wrong. It couldn't possibly be Mr. Boynton. Why not? It's percolating. Oh, well, I'll have some coffee. Oh, somebody's at the front door. Oh, there's the phone. We're a big hit this morning. I'll see who's at the door and you answer the phone, Connie. Hello? Good morning, Miss Brooks. This is Mr. Boynton. Oh, what's the latest flash from Monkey Land, Speedy? Speedy? I evidently, you didn't hear me, Miss Brooks. I said this is Mr. Boynton. I'm not Speedy. That's the understatement of the month. Just what do you want, Mr. Boynton? I called to ask if you'd care to join me this afternoon. Where? At the Museum of Natural History. They're going to exhibit for the first time a red-tailed field mouse from France. It should be very exciting. A French field mouse? That's right. Well, kiss him on both cheeks for me. I can't make it. I don't quite understand your attitude, Miss Brooks. You sound rather unfriendly this morning. Excuse me, Connie, but there's five cents postage due on this cookbook that just arrived, and I haven't a bit of change. Would you pay the postman for me? He's waiting at the door. Oh, certainly, Mrs. Davis. Hold the phone a minute, will you, Mr. Boynton? All right. I understand, Mrs. Davis, that was you. Yipe! What seems to be the trouble, ma'am? Mr. Boynton, what are you doing in that postman's outfit? And how did you get off the phone and over here so quickly? Did you say Boynton, ma'am? My name is McDonald. I'm the new postman in this district. Now, if you'll kindly give me a nickel, let's do one. Here's your nickel, Mr. McDonald, but please do me a favor. Wait here just one minute. It's very important. Okay. Hello? Are you still there, Mr. Boynton? Yes, Miss Brooks. That's all I wanted to know. Bye. Mr. McDonald? Yes, ma'am. Bye. Mrs. Davis, why didn't you tell me that our new postman is the image of Mr. Boynton? What are you saying, Connie? Mr. McDonald doesn't look any more like Mr. Boynton than I do. And he's got a thick Scottish burr. Burr? He doesn't have any more Scottish burr than a French field mouse. Or an Indian ambassador. Now, now, dear, pull yourself together. You see, Connie, when my sister Angela was being treated for her absent-mindedness, I learned quite a bit about psychiatry. Well, what has that got to do with me? Just this, dear. As a result of your decision to break things off with Mr. Boynton, you are suffering from a combination of visual and auricular hallucinations. You see Mr. Boynton's face on other people because you want to see it. You hear his voice because you want to hear it. All this may be likened to a mirage. Do you see what I'm driving at? Exactly. You're trying to tell me that I'm perceiving objects which have no foundation in fact. I'm experiencing sensations which have no actual external cause and that I am, in general, blowing my cork. Oh, it's not that bad, dear. Not that bad? When everybody I see looks like... Wait a minute. Why don't you look like Mr. Boynton to me? It doesn't work that way, Connie. Familiar faces don't change. It's new ones that assume his identity most readily. But don't you worry, dear. I've got the best remedy in the world for your trouble. What is it? Diversion. I'm going to give a big party here tonight. We'll invite the Conclans, some of your students, and by all means invite Mr. Boynton. He should help you forget him best of all. Oh, no, you don't, Mrs. Davis. I appreciate you're giving me a party, but if it's just one of your schemes to bring Mr. Boynton and me together... Now, now, don't be silly, Connie. If you don't want him to come, that settles it. Thanks, Mrs. Davis. Well, of course. If the party doesn't do the trick for you, you can always see Dr. Friedkin. He's the analyst who took care of Angela. Wonderful man. Yes, I've heard of him. He'll simply ask you to sit on the couch and chat with him. But be sure not to look at him, Connie, or he might remind you of Mr. Boynton. Well, if he doesn't, the couch will. Friends, if you suffer from acid indigestion, I hope you didn't miss reading this wonderful news, a headline that says, New mints medically proven quickly rid stomach of gastric distress. That headline is talking about new bisodol mints. Doctors recommend bisodol mints because the bisodol medication acts at once to make painful acid harmless and give you fast five-way relief. One, speeds relief from gas. Two, sweetens your breath. Three, gives complete longer-lasting relief than baking soda. Four, relieves stomach upset from too much eating, drinking, smoking. Five, lets you sleep when acid indigestion strikes at night. So don't suffer acid indigestion, heartburn, or gastric distress from excess acidity. Remember, new mints medically proven quickly rid stomach of gastric distress. And remember the name. Bisodol mints, B-I-S-O-D-O-L. Get bisodol mints for fast relief. Well, I finally got to school but spent the whole morning like someone in a dream. Reality seemed to return when I stood in front of the steam table in the school cafeteria and set some lunch on my tray. Hello, Miss Brooks. Hello, Mr. McDonald. I was just about... Mr. McDonald, how are you doing at school? Shouldn't you be delivering the U.S. mail? Miss Brooks, I'm Mr. Boyden. What have I got to do with the U.S. mail? Or the U.S. female for that matter. How's the field mouse from France? Well, now that you mention it, I heard this morning that the exhibit's been called off. The French field mouse never got here. Seems there was a strike and the boat he was on couldn't leave port. You mean he was too chicken to swim? If you'll excuse me, I promised I'd join Walter Denman at his table. I really don't understand why you're giving me the cold shoulder today. If my shoulder is cold, Mr. Boyden, it's only because somebody blew a big chance to warm it up. I don't quite understand that either. Well, maybe some of your companions at the zoo could explain it to you. Now, look, if there's something I've done that I... Why are you staring at me so strangely, Miss Brooks? Oh, I was just wondering. Mr. Boyden, do you have a twin brother who's a postman or an Indian ambassador? Of course not. Do you have a twin brother who's a coffee pot? Never mind. You really must excuse me now. But, Miss Brooks... Bye, Mr. Boyden. Hello, Walter. How's everything? My cup of happiness is slopping over. Here, let me set your tray down for you. Oh, thanks. Yeah, if I may make an observation, you don't seem in a very good mood for your party. I haven't seen you smile all day. Oh, don't let that fool you. The only reason I'm not smiling is because I'm miserable. Don't ask me why, Walter. It's extremely personal. Well, as a matter of fact, while I was changing classes, I saw Mrs. Davis driving by, and she stopped to tell me that I should try to cheer you up because you feel so miserable over Mr. Boyden that she's throwing a party tonight to help you forget him. That's what I say. It's personal. At least my trying to forget Mr. Boyden should be personal, Walter. Now that you're in on it, I hope you'll keep it to yourself. Oh, don't you worry, Miss Brooks. A blabbermouth would spread around a thing like that. Say, there's Harriet Conklin. Oh, you don't mind if she joins us for lunch, do you? Well... You're over here... Hi, Walter. Hello, Harriet. Hi, Miss Brooks. What's this I hear about you're trying to forget Mr. Boyden? Where did you hear that, Harriet? I said, where did you hear that, blabbermouth? Yeah, correct, Miss Brooks. But Harriet'll keep your secret. You can depend on that. I certainly can, Miss Brooks. Gosh, the cafeteria's awfully crowded today. Do you mind if Daddy and I have lunch with you? Oh, well, Harriet... Over here, Daddy. Hello, Mr. Conklin. Hi, Mr. Conklin. It's always a great honor to share our festive board with the beloved principal of our beloved school. In fact, no other personage on earth would be more welcome to our beloved... Oh, shut up. You're going all to my lunch, Harriet. All right, Daddy. I see you've finished your lunch, Denton. And so, as the Latin saying goes, omnium deriosum nihi disputandum... Meaning what? Get lost. Oh, sure. See you later. So long, Walter. Now then, Miss Brooks. Yes, sir? What's this I hear about you trying to forget Mr. Boyden? I don't know. What's this you hear about me trying to forget Mr. Boyden? I don't know. What's this I hear about you trying to forget? We're in a rut, sir. Frankly, I don't care to discuss my personal life. As my principal, you're empowered to question me only on those matters which are pertinent to school business. This does concern school business. You're supposed to spend six hours of every day in your classroom, Miss Brooks. And yet most of that time, I see you in the hallway galloping after Mr. Boyden like a hopped up gazelle. If you really intend to forget him, therefore I can look for an improvement in your work. I can only assure you, Mr. Conklin, that not only is there absolutely nothing between Mr. Boyden and me, but there's going to be less. Good. Now there's one more thing, Miss Brooks. When Mrs. Davis stopped by to invite me to your party tonight, I neglected to mention that I have a house guest whom I'd like to bring along. A friend, Abernathy Peach of a chap. I'm sure it'll be all right, Mr. Conklin. Thank you. You're alike, Fred. Everybody does. Hales from St. Louis. I met him at an Elk's convention there. He's just in town for a few days. Nothing like spending a few days with an Elk. Well, fortunately, like most Elks, he's a very good sport. Even the fact that our guest room is being painted doesn't faze him. I've had to put him up in the living room. Good. I'll bet your mantle would look naked without him. Armist Brooks will return in a moment. You probably never noticed the yardstick, but we've had your daytime listening habits measured and come up with some highly satisfying answers. A recent survey by an independent testing company was made to compare your listening habits this year with measurements taken in 1954. And guess what we found out? We found out that more of you than ever are listening to CBS Radio's great family of daytime dramatic programs. Last year, the daytime audience of The Guiding Light was 2,006,000. The new figures show The Guiding Light reaching 2,476,000 homes. The increase comes to 470,000 homes. Young Dr. Malone gained even more listeners. 939,000 more homes tuned in Young Dr. Malone this year than last. Comparable audience gains have been shocked up by Argyle Sunday, Mao Perkins, the romance of Helen Trent, Perry Mason, this is Nora Drake, and the second Mrs. Burton. The figure show what we've believed all along. More people listen to radio today than ever. And of course, America listens most to CBS Radio, the stars address. Well, later that evening, the Help Me Forget Mr. Boynton Party was about to begin with some strange people whose names Mrs. Davis was trying to help me remember. Some of the guests had already arrived. I'll go set the table, Mrs. Davis. Thank you, Harriet. It's going to be a wonderful party, Connie. Let me see. Mr. Conklin is bringing Mr. Abernathy. Walter Denton is bringing a pal from Clay City High. Chester Pruitt, I believe his name is. Then there's Mrs. Foster. Mrs. Foster? A friend of mine who works at the beauty shop. I've been wanting you to meet her for months. Now, is there anyone special that you forgot to invite? Just the postman. I can't get over how closely he resembled Mr. Boynton when I met him this morning. Even his voice was the same. I told you, Connie, you created such a violent mental conflict when you decided to forget Mr. Boynton that your eyes and ears played tricks on you. If you'll call Dr. Friedkin, my sister's analyst, he'll explain it to you in a minute. Well, I'm hoping this party will be all the medicine I need to make me forget that Mr. Boynton never existed. Mrs. Brooks' daddy is so hungry, he said he could eat his weight in cold cuts. Well, I'm not going to cook a moose just for him. He'll have to be patient, Harriet. Is Mr. Abernathy with him? Oh, not yet. He stopped at the store for something. But Waldron is pal Chester Pruiter here. Cute boy. They're playing marbles on the rug. Yeah, that's right. But you ought to go in and chat with your guests, Connie. I'll finish preparing dinner. All right, Mrs. Davis. Hello, Mr. Conklin. When do we eat? Well, you will probably eat while I'm carrying dinner to the table. It'll just be a few minutes, sir. Oh, I suppose that's Mr. Abernathy at the door. I'll get it. Yes, sir. Well, how are you tonight, Walter? No, just fine, Mrs. Brooks. Pick up your marbles, Chester. Mrs. Brooks, this is Chester Pruitt. Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Brooks. Whoops! Oh, come now. What sort of a gag is this, Mr. Boynton? Mr. Boynton? No, no, this is Chester Pruitt, Mrs. Brooks. But he's the image of Mr. Boynton. That is, to me, he resembles him very much. But then... Would you move your feet a little, Mrs. Brooks? I want to look around the floor. Wait a minute, I've got to get this straight. Please, Mrs. Brooks, I haven't got all my marbles. You haven't got all your marbles? If I were in the Army, I'd be out on Section 8. Look, Mr. Boynton... Chester, how old are you? I'm 14, but I'm going on 15. I think it was real peachy keen of you to let me come over tonight. I think I'll go lie down. If you boys will excuse me. Hold on there, Mrs. Brooks. I want you to meet a friend of mine. This is Mr. Abernathy. Oh, I'm delighted to meet you, Mrs. Brooks. Huh? Wait a minute. You can't be Mr. Abernathy. You're Mr. Boynton. Mr. Boynton? Well, that's quite a compliment to pay a 70-year-old man. Boynton is a young biology teacher at Madison, Fred. Well, bless you, Mrs. Brooks. If I had my new dentures with me, I'd bite you. Excuse me a minute. Will you get the coffee, Connie? Not now, Mrs. Davis. Walter, take a good look at Mr. Abernathy. Okay? Now take a good look at Chester Pruitt. Now give it to me straight. Does either of them resemble Mr. Boynton? Not in the least. Uh-huh. Mrs. Davis. What is it, Connie? What's Dr. Friedgen's phone number? I'm ready for the couch. What's that, dear? Never mind. I'll look it up. Come on, Mrs. Brooks. I'll help you get the coffee. You know, you seem kind of unsteady on your feet, Mrs. Brooks, but don't worry. You'll feel better after you eat. Yeah, sure. Sure. I'd better take this coffee pot here and on. Oh, not that one. That's the one that looks like Mr. Boynton. Come again? There's no time to explain now, Walter. I've got to look up Dr. Friedgen's number in this phone book. D-E-F-F-F-A-E-F-L-F-R-F-R-I... Into the living room, Walter. The kitchen is just for us girls. All right, Mrs. Davis. Just trying to help. Oh, hi, Mrs. Foster. Good to see you. F-R-I-E-D... F-R-I-E-D-K-I-N... Connie, I want you to meet an old friend. Oh. This is Mrs. Foster. How do you do me? Oh, no! I'm happy to know you, my dear. Mrs. Davis has told me and my husband so much about you. I'll leave you two alone and let you get acquainted. See you later. Uh... You'll forgive me for staring, Mrs. Foster, but there's something about your face. Yes, I know. But it can't be helped. Beautician or no beautician, I'm not the girl I used to be. That you can say louder. I mean, you look so very much like someone, and yet, as you stand here in that off-the-shoulder dress... Oh, I'm so glad you like it, my dear. I made it myself. Of course, I don't do quite as much sewing lately as I used to. You don't? No. Not since the baby came. You... you have a baby? Well, what is it? A girl or a boynton? I mean... Well, my last born is a boy. I have seven all told. Heavens, I don't know what I do without the deity service. But, Miss Brooks, you look rather pale. Naturally. My blood just left for Dr. Friedkin. You'll have to excuse me now, Mrs. Foster. I've got to make a very important phone call. If you'll step into the living room. But I don't know any of your guests from the Conclans and Walter Denton, Miss Brooks. Could the phone call possibly wait until you've introduced me to the others? Well, all right. Follow me. Mrs. Foster, this is Chester Pruitt. Hello, Chester. Chester, Mrs. Foster. Hello, Mrs. Foster. Mrs. Foster, Mr. Abernathy. Hello, Mr. Abernathy. Mr. Abernathy, Mrs. Foster. Hello, Mrs. Foster. Well, now that you've all met yourself... Just a minute. There's one you haven't met, Miss Brooks, in the baby carriage right behind you. Baby carriage? I took the liberty of bringing the baby with me. He's only six months old, and the other children are a little rough with him. Nah, the little doll's playing with his rattle. I'll lift the hood back and let you see him, Miss Brooks. Here we are. Oh, what a beautiful little bear. Goo, goo. Connie. What do you want, Mrs. Davis? Mrs. Davis? You'll never get to school if you keep dozing off in that chair, Connie. It's almost quarter to eight. Mrs. Davis, has Mr. McDonnell been here yet? The new postman? What are you talking about? Our postman is still on Mr. Fitzgerald. He's been with us for years. Well, the party, Mrs. Davis, what about the party you were throwing to help me forget Mr. Boyne? Well, I don't know anything about a party, Connie. Oh, you've been dreaming, of course. Now I remember. After you'd gotten dressed, you told me that you were sick of Mr. Boynton taking you to the zoo so often. Then when I went to the front door to let Mr. Boynton in, you must have dozed off again. He's waiting for you in the living room. Mr. Boynton is? Excuse me a minute. Mr. Boynton? Here I am, Miss Brooks. Mr. Boynton, do you have any plans for this afternoon? No, I haven't. Then will you take me to the zoo, please? But, Miss Brooks, we've been to the zoo practically every day this week. I like it. I like it. Our Miss Brooks, starring Yvonne Trance-Rodge, was produced and directed by Larry Byrne, written by Joe Quillen and Al Lewis with the music of Wilbur Hatch. Mr. Conklin was played by Gail Gordon. Other than tonight's cast were Jane Morgan, Dick Crenna, Bob Rockwell, and Gloria McMillan. Be sure to be with us next week for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks.