 Can we agree that feeling respected in a romantic relationship is one of the fundamentals to make a relationship successful? And yet these days it seems like there's so much disrespect going on in both the early stage of dating and certainly when two people are in relationship. And it's rather sad to think about this. And while today what I'm about to share is centered around what makes a man feel respected by a woman, I want to say that this goes both ways. And while there is a belief, I believe Dr. Pat Allen says a man feels cherished when he's respected and a woman feels respected when she's cherished. Let's just get to the nitty gritty. Feeling respected in a romantic relationship is a critical aspect of a romantic relationship. And I think it's important to understand this going in. Now here's the hard part that we're dealing with. As I said earlier, dating is rather, or I didn't mention this, but I will now, dating is a rather dysfunctional process these days. These days most people date without any real intentionality, without any real consciousness around what they're actually doing. There's this belief if two people have chemistry, that will equal relationship success. And the reality is, is if you haven't noticed this by now, chemistry alone doesn't equal relationship success. When two people are experiencing lust or limerence in the early stages, that is not relationship success. And so, and you know, it's interesting. I can't remember where I was, where I'd heard this, but there was this, there's this belief that the more attractive the person is, the greater value they bring to the relationship. Think about that. And to some degree, the more attractive a person is, we tend to respect them more. And a person that's less attractive, we tend to respect them less. Now, I'm not suggesting that I agree with that premise. I'm just merely here to say that there's a belief system centered around that. And it makes it very challenging when these are the beliefs. So coming back to chemistry equals relationship success. No, there's a lot more to having a successful relationship. It's important that you share the same values that your lifestyles are blendable. And more importantly, you're dealing with an emotional grownup. Think about that. Because don't we tend to disrespect people who are not emotional grownups? That's right, we tend to disrespect them. Not, well, maybe disrespect isn't the right word. Let's just be neutral with respects to respect. But certainly we respect someone greater that shows up as an emotional grownup. And yet sadly, in today's marketplace, both men and women alike are, I was about to say act like children, but to some degree, they act like self-centric people. I've shared this before. I haven't talked about the book, The Rules, but I'm very much against a lot of the principles in this book because it teaches women in particular game-playing techniques to attract a man. Game-playing techniques. Don't call them right away, make them squirm, make them sweat, change your mind, cancel dates at the last minute, a lot of manipulative game-playing techniques. And while that might work in the short run, that's right, it might work on the short run for maybe a controlling man or might work in the short run for a needy man. For emotional grownup men, they don't tolerate people that aren't showing up as an emotional grownup. And when you're playing games, you're not showing up as an emotional grownup. And therefore, how can you be respected in this process? You know, it saddens me. I've said this recently and it's something I've contemplated. I believe today, dating is just merely a strung out version of friends with benefits with some minor agreement to monogamy and some minor agreement to exclusivity. And what I mean to say minor agreement is that there's some verbal agreement. You know, it's not a written agreement, right? But there's a verbal agreement. And in some cases, two people might be dating and they might be intentional or serious about it. And yet these days, most people are dating from a very casual perspective, meaning the relationship has no real meat to it with respects to commitment. And then you might be thinking yourself, well, what does commitment really look like? What is a commitment? You know, when two people start to explore a relationship together and they're investing their heart, their mind, their body, their soul, well, let's hope they're actually doing that, you might get rather attached to a person. So men, this is a generalization what I'm about to say, men can oftentimes experience companionship, connection and sex with a woman without any real desire for anything beyond that in the form of commitment. And while many of you might be saying, well, you don't want a significant commitment with a person, but let me ask you something, repetitive dating or repetitive relationships leads to an emotional vacuum that might happen within a person. And given that the number one emotional health issue for both men and women alike is I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, I'm not likable, dating triggers this like nobody's business. So I'm here to say, if you wanna change your relationship narrative, especially those women who are watching, first you have to get clarity on what commitment looks like for you, what type of person is actually compatible with you. And more importantly, how to determine if he's a really good fit for you. One of the things I teach in my private coaching, by the way, there's a link right here and there's a link below the schedule of discovery call with me. One of the fundamental pieces I teach in my private coaching is something I call a radical honesty, pre-qualifying your prospect folks. If you're not actively pre-qualifying someone to before you begin a physical relationship with someone, you might be setting yourself up for success. But Jonathan, I'm just supposed to sit back and my feminine energy and just let the guys lead and I just should be having a good time. It's all about having a good time. Let's just focus on having a good time. Now, while it's true, it takes about 40 hours of face-to-face time just to get to know someone on some base level. And that's not mine, that's from Jay Shetty. I always say it takes about a hundred hours of face-to-face time to build that first layer of trust. And when we think of respect, I wanna really have you think about trust. And trust isn't just about fidelity. Trust isn't, are they actively sliding in some other woman's DMs on an Instagram. Trust is, does this person have my best interest at heart? Does this person have my best interest at heart? That's what trust is. That's hard to really respect someone until you've built a layer of trust. So I wanna share with you right now, I said this earlier, but I wanna really touch upon the emotional maturity piece that demonstrates respect and 99.9% of men who are emotional grown-ups will appreciate this. And if you're not familiar with my chart on this, I just wanna quickly, and please forgive the glare, but what I'm about to share is not a fact. It's merely an opinion, okay? Emotional maturity relationship skills. Roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues when it comes to emotional maturity and relationship skills. This is men and women alike. And while I say 20% are emotionally healthy, that's probably a generous number. The vast majority of humans are dysfunctional with their relationship skills and emotional maturity. So why is this important? If we're dealing with emotionally immature people or emotionally inept people, and a lot of men are emotionally inept. They're emotionally constipated. We say emotionally unavailable, but men are absolutely capable of leaning into their emotions. It's just they're rather inept or emotionally immature. So what's it gonna take for a man to respect you? Well, you have to show up emotionally mature. And I'm gonna share you five things that I talk about that reflects emotional maturity, okay? Number one, her actions match her words with a level of rationality and logic associated with it. Men oftentimes complain women can be irrational. Well, because here's the thing. Ladies, if your emotional expectation of man is here and his capacity is here, that space in between, do you know what that's called? That's called drama. Because you're oftentimes, and I'm not saying this always, you're acting in an irrational way instead of a logical way. So having your actions match your words meaning that if you are genuinely, you claim to be a good communicator in relationship, then show up communicating at his level of emotional understanding instead of expecting your level. Now, this could be true for men as well as women. It doesn't matter the gender. I mean, it's just really sometimes one person has a level here and the other person has a level here. You have to get to their level and speak at that level to be able to really connect with them. And those men that appreciate that, those emotionally mature men appreciate that. And guess what? An emotionally mature guy, he's already at this level. Number two, you have what's known as victor consciousness, not victim consciousness. That's right. You have victor consciousness and not victim consciousness. Here in the United States, people are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness. So what that means to say is most bad things that have happened in their life has been somebody else's fault. Again, most bad things that's happened in a person life is oftentimes somebody else's fault. That's victim consciousness. Victor consciousness means you take charge of your destiny in your life and you take ownership of it. And that's victor consciousness, which is incredibly attractive to those emotionally mature men. Now, something we might say, well, men are intimidated by confident women. No, emotionally inept and immature men are intimidated or turned off by those women. Victor consciousness. Number three, you know how to do what's called fight fair and fighting fair simply means when every relationship is gonna have disagreements. Fighting fair means you operate from a conscious level of not confrontation but coming from a conversational place. You articulate your point of view. You listen to the other person's point of view. You accept their point of view as being true for them. You acknowledge their point of view and they do the same for you. That's what grownups do. And grownups respect grownups that know how to do what I call fight fair. Sadly here, again, I'll say this in the United States and this is true in other parts of the world as well. We have a very confrontational way of approaching disagreements in a relationship and sometimes you have to learn to agree to disagree. But more importantly, when you come at it from a place of I'm right and you're wrong, any man that is emotionally mature is not going to appreciate a woman who doesn't show up the way he does and that is learning how to fight fair. Number four is empathy. But empathy, you know, empathy is we oftentimes think of I can feel your feelings. I think empathy is also being able to feel your own feelings too because a lot of people can block off their feelings. But one aspect of empathy is acceptance for the other person. You know, acceptance for where they're at. Oftentimes men and women have grand expectations of the other person and they're not coming at it from an empathetic place, understanding that again, maybe this person's a maturity level is here, emotional maturity, and maybe I'm here, it's accepting that you have to be at their level, be empathetic and come to their level instead of having an expectation that it be at your level. And number five, listen, emotionally grown up men, respect women who are transparent. You know, these days, most people are showing up as their ambassador in the best selves and they're not rather authentic and transparent, especially when it comes to material things within the relationship, material things that could affect the beginning stage of this relationship or the growth of a relationship. It's important to, you know, if you know your red flags then don't be afraid to share your red flags, the things that might scare someone off, have a deep conversation because through radical honesty, and again, I teach this in my private coaching, through radical honesty, through genuine self-love. Folks, not familiar with my book, What the Heck Is Self-Love? Anyway, a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work, by the way, there's a link below to get the books I recommend. Self-love, intentionality, radical honesty, all of these things put you in such a grand position to be with a really great guy. And let me just share with you a message I got just before I hit the record button for today. One woman wrote me, said, Jonathan, I can't believe how your videos and your coaching has helped me do the real hard stuff and that is be more authentic, be more transparent, be more vulnerable, but more importantly, to draw it out of him by being more inquisitive, by being more intentional, by being in that victor consciousness, by recognizing that I need to start not from a level of high expectations, but start from the level of what my standards are and address those standards sooner rather than later. And by sharing that, she said, I'm with a man who wants to actually talk to you, Jonathan. He's watching your videos and saying, I wanna learn from this guy. Ladies, you should start every bit of advice I use start to see how it works on men, emotionally grown up men, emotionally immature men and guess that's 80% of the population, they're gonna reject this, but you're gonna find that when a man actually leans into this type of work, you're gonna find to have a healthier, happier relationship between the two of you. So 99.9% of men respect women whose actions match their words, they have victor consciousness, they know how to fight fair, they know that empathy is really about acceptance and more importantly, they're transparent. And I invite you all to make that effort the next time you put yourself out there to be seen, heard and understood by men. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new. All right. Oh, and by the way, check out the links below to a free discovery call with me. Check out my group called Midlife Love Mastery. Check out my Instagram page as well. And if you see the little join button, you can join the membership group here on YouTube as well. All right. I think this will be a great place to take questions. If you have a question, write the word question and post the question there after or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. He's my son right there who passed away a few years ago. In his honor, I've started a scholarship fund to donate to causes, personal development causes that are near and dear to my heart. So again, you can use the little dollar sign. If you're watching the replay, hit the Super Thanks button. All right. So if you have a question, write the word question and post the question there after. And I first have to acknowledge Ninja for the $20 Super Sticker. Thank you so much. That is really sweet that you donated to the cause. I really appreciate it. All right. Marilyn says, you are correct. Jonathan, dating seems to be exhausting or extended version of friends with benefits. Sadly, yes. Starshine writes, question or Jonathan. Why is it that there's so much dysfunction and unhealthy mental health going on in relationship? Do you think it has something to do with family dynamics, nature versus nurture? I love this question. Love this question. So if you're not familiar with the work of the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process, Google the Hoffman process, check out the book. It's listed below. Is doing a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas that create negative patterns and limiting beliefs in our life. So this is a deep dive to healing those childhood traumas, generational traumas that have plagued individuals as they age and they start to interact with others in relationship. Now, the other thing you might wanna consider, I'm interviewing Adele Theron from the Naked Divorce and the Naked Recovery. By the way, can someone write Naked Divorce and Naked Recovery in the chat box? I want you to go to her website and mention my name. She has a great organization to help you heal after a significant breakup or divorce because that's an additional trauma. She and I were on the phone the other day talking about compound PTSD. So when you have childhood traumas and adult traumas, it can wear on us emotionally significantly. And yes, this is one of the challenges both men and women alike face in the dating, mating or relating scheme. So yes, I definitely, what was your question? Yes, it definitely has something to do with it. All right, let's keep going here. So thank you so much, Star Shine, for the question. I really appreciate it. Jennifer replies to you and says, Star Shine, I feel like there is dysfunctional relationship because people haven't done any work to heal. A 61-year-old man on a dating app says he blames his parents for his issues. Yes, one of the things we learn at the Hoffman process is not to blame but to accept that maybe our parents did wound us but it's our job now as adults to heal. Okay, let's keep going. Ms. Maria says, good morning from Dubai. Thank you so much. No, Abu Dhabi, excuse me. Didi says you look great tonight. Thank you, not at all like a mob boss. I'm going out to dinner with my financial planner tonight and it's a little chilly out so I wanted to wear my mock journal act. Linda says, you look great. Thank you so much. Miranda says, question. What are some of the best indicators that you can trust someone in a relationship? What are the best indicators? You know, okay, one of the first ones is do their actions consistently match their words? Do their actions consistently match their words? Now, there's gonna be times where, hey, I made a promise I would call you and I didn't do it and there's a good valid reason for it, okay? But consistent actions match their words. Another good indicator is that they show up with that victor consciousness. People that have victim consciousness, it's very difficult to trust people who blame others in their life, okay? Number three, like I said, this is everything I shared before. They know how to fight fair. They have empathy and they have transparency. Okay, so these are some of the baselines of emotional maturity. How do you know you can really trust someone? Sometimes we have to put it to the test to really know. So I'm gonna share with you something that happened to me in my most significant relationship after my divorce. She had to do, my girlfriend was a marriage and family therapist who did a lot of television interviews and she was on radio a lot and she had to go into a part of town to do a television radio interview in a part of town that she didn't feel safe. And I lived 30 miles away and she called me up and said, hey, sweetheart, you know, I'd really like if you could, you know, support me with this. She didn't feel safe. And I said, sure, let me just cancel a couple of appointments and I'll be there in an hour and a half and she had given me plenty of notice. Trust is putting your partner's best interest at, you know, at your own level of best interest. I didn't, I wanted her to feel safe. I wanted to protect her. I was putting her best interest at my level of best interest. That's how you, that's just an example along with the others that demonstrates you can build trust in a relationship. That's one example. So Miranda, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Let's see, Wanda writes, question. Should you break no contact with someone just to check on them health-wise? If you know they are having health issues or leave it alone. So if you're had a relationship with someone who has gone no contact with you and you are concerned about their health, I am a proponent to checking in with people. I would do it without attachment to an outcome. I'm gonna repeat that. I would do it with an attachment, with a detached from an outcome. If you're attached to an outcome with this person, then you might be setting yourself up for failure. So you can check in with them if they respond great, if they don't. But if they're doing no contact with you as a way to avoid you, do you really wanna be in relationship with this person? It's okay to check on their health, but I would be careful to reignite the relationship for someone who's being disrespectful. I think no contact is a disrespectful thing to do in relationship. That's my opinion anyway. All right, thank you so much for that question Wanda. Jennifer, oh, and by the way, just Marilyn and Pamela wrote down naked divorce, naked recovery. Again, everyone please check that out. Google Adele Throne, please mention my name. I am gonna be interviewing her on the channel soon. This is a must program to heal after a significant breakup and traumas and such. She's really good at what she does. All right, question. Do you think respect and or loyalty is one of the most important values in a relationship for men and women? Apsa fucking Lutely, it is very critically important. You know, today, I'm really, I'm really, what's the word I'm looking for? I'm disappointed that we live in an environment where casual sex is the norm. Casual relationships are the norm. There's a lack and because of that, it's created a lot of non-respect and non-loyalty in the relationship. Now I say this now because I'm in a significant relationship with my sweetheart, Marie. And I'm fully committed to this relationship. I am fully committed to wanting to go the distance. I even said that yesterday. I want our relationship to go to the distance. And we are doing little things to make that happen. And what I mean to say is we've been very forthright with where we're at at our financial level in our life. We've been forthright in the merging our lives by living together and planning things for the future. We're very, at least I believe, you know, like we're not married yet or, you know, whether we become a domestic partner or marriage at some point, we are working towards, we want this to go the distance. Okay? That demonstrates a level of respect and loyalty for commitment. These days, people are like, no, I just want to try you on for size. They're basically dating. Today, as I said, an extended version of friends with benefits with some monogamy and exclusivity, but it's like people are just shoe shopping. They walk into a store, they try and appear shoes, they walk out, they wear it for two or three months. They go back to the store and say, here, I'm giving the shoes back. Kind of like Nordstroms, okay? It's kind of easy. Nordstroms makes it easy for people to buy things and return it. Nordstrom makes it easy for people to buy expensive dresses and wear them one night and return them. Okay, I respect their policy, but dating today is very similar to Nordstroms. You can just go try something on for size. You can get the milk without buying the cow and I know that's a terrible analogy for some of you, but that's the reality of it because it lacks respect and loyalty. And I think it's time to set your standards above that. Set your standards before, folks, some of you may not like my rhetoric, but before the penis goes inside the vagina, I always recommend reading the book. Eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman because chapter one is all about trust and commitment. Folks, if you don't have an understanding of what trust and commitment is, then how can you expect it from someone else? Well, Jonathan, I just expect men to know stuff because men are supposed to be the leaders of the relationship. Men are the provider protectors and they're supposed to do all this stuff. Most men, ladies are fucking clueless. Why are you giving the job of your relationship destiny to an inept person? Most of them at midlife, listen, it was so much easier when we're in our 20s. Look at when I was in my 20s, I was told to go to, or before I'm 18 years old, go to college, get a job, meet a girl, get married, buy a house, start a family. I followed that script. Then I got divorced and I was radically a train wreck. You are dealing with the significant population of men and women after divorce who are train wrecks. And yes, we want companionship, we want connection, we want sex, but that doesn't mean that we're capable of being in a relationship, whether it's a man or a woman. This is why doing this personal development work is so critically important for relationship success. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Please hit that like button right now. Please share this video with a friend. Please send this video to five friends if it is and please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new. So Jennifer, thank you so much for that question, I appreciate it. Star sign says thank you, it makes sense. You're very welcome. Leaf says good points, thank you so much. Let's keep going. Linda has a question. Question. If your man friend starts playing hard to get, lying about being busy, and you know that his vehicle has been in his driveway the whole time, what do you do? Well, is a man friend your boyfriend? Okay, just done. He's playing hard to get, playing hard to get, lying about being busy. You know, if someone flat out lies, I think it's time to, you don't confront them, you have a conversation about it. And you see how they act. Folks, do you know what's interesting? I've interviewed women after a break-ups. They've been in relationships, whether it's three months, six months, one year, five years, and they all say the same. I knew something was off in the very beginning, but I went against my better judgment. Marie and I were talking about this. She had met a man some years ago. And for whatever reason, they had a nice first meeting, a meet and greet. And she went on a second date with him, and literally halfway through the date, there were like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding of red flags. And she just said, when he called to ask for a third date, she said, you know, I think you're a nice guy, but I'm not interested. Folks, we have to listen to the clues. If someone is deceitful, that's not a good starting place to be in relationship with. And that's my two cents on that one, Linda. I hope that helps. Thank you so much for posting. All right. Miranda says, Linda, drop him, exactly. Rosie writes a question. So what if he goes silent for weeks, days and months at a time, then he doesn't like, when he doesn't like something I say, instead of talking about ignores all my calls and messages. This is not an example of an emotional grown-up. And basically, you're not gonna like what I'm gonna say. He treats you like low-hanging fruits. And what that means to say is, he knows you'll accept his bad behavior because you accept him. Folks, if you're not familiar with the book, now, I don't love everything in this book, but it's called Why Men Love Bitches. Why Men Love Bitches. And Bitches stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes. This is an empowerment book. Now, again, I don't love everything about this book, but ladies, your standard should be at bitch level, babe in total control of herself. Rosie, do not accept that kind of behavior. He is not your guy. He is not your guy. A man who does that is a child and you shouldn't give him your respect if that's the kind of behavior he has, okay? Thank you so much for that question. Leif just said, perfect example. Leif just responded, please ask yourself, why are you putting up, putting your short precious life on hold for someone who does not respect you from the signs and sounds of it is another relationship is in another, he's in another relationship and you're the backup. Exactly. Well said, Leif. Thanks for folks jumping in here. I don't know if this is true, Margaret. She's, you say that you are the most rational person in respects to behavior that I've seen on the internet. Well, I appreciate that. Thank you so much. I'm just, I'm just espousing a perspective. Well, they're right or wrong. I'm just, I'm just sharing a perspective on things. You know, I was listening to a critique of the book Men and from Mars, Women and from Venus. And it was interesting because in the book, you know, in John Gray's book, he talks about the differences between men and women. And, and he uses a lot of hyperbole, a lot of analogies that men and women are different. And, you know, it's interesting, you know, a lot of men will say they're very simple. Most, most of these authors say men are simple and women are the complicated ones. Or at least that's my impression of it. I think these days, men are ridiculously fucking complicated and ridiculous pains in the ass. I think the value system, the fact that sex can be attained so easily that men have disrespected women. I do believe that on many levels. And so I believe men and women are rather similar. Now, let me explain why I say this. I think when you think of childhood wounds, it's not gender-based. When you think of traumas in their, in their life, whether it's, you know, issues with their, you know, whether they were divorced, whether they have professional issues and whatnot, that's not gender-based. Yeah, maybe biologically speaking, we are different. Maybe from socialization, we're different. But at the core level, men and women are fucked up kind of equally. It just looks a little different because we keep pointing the finger. Men are this way and women are pointing women are this way. You know, we're doing this, instead of recognizing that from a heart-centered level, most every human being just wants to be loved. And yet dating advice is so segregated in the sense that it's men against women. It's, you know, the man has to do this and a woman has to do that and no wonder it's a clusterfuck out there. This is why I recommend the book. Folks, if you haven't read if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated, this is a great book to throw out the bullshit gender rhetoric that sets up for failure. Folks, we are more alike than you think. Number one emotional health wound men and women alike is I'm not good enough. That's the wound we all carry on some level and a lot of successful people might mask it. Other than we know a lot of successful celebrities who are wealthy and rich commit suicide because deep down they don't feel good enough. They feel like a fraud. I don't care who is out there and I don't care how financially successful they are. And we oftentimes judge financial success or beauty or someone as handsome as being emotionally mature. That's not the case. We're all plagued with this. This is why doing the self-love work that I talk about in my book and again there's a link below to get a copy of it. Folks, this is why it's so critically important to do this individual work so you can show up and attract an amazing partner in your life. And so with that said, God, universe spirit. Thank you for allowing me to invest in myself, to grow within myself and to heal myself so I can be in a position to attract an amazing partner in my life where we have this shared chemistry with one another, this fantastic chemistry with one another. And the communication between us is off the charts because we show up as emotional grownups and our lifestyles are blendable with one another and our values are blendable with one another. And lastly, we build the deep roots of trust through the techniques Jonathan Asley teaches in his private coaching. God, universe spirit, I invite that into my life. Folks, I'm here to, oops, I was gonna say this, roots. I'm here to say, if you wanna make a difference in your life, it starts by working from the inside out. And just know what I shared today about how men respect women, it goes both ways. If you wanna feel respected, then show up as an emotional grownup because you have a greater chance of finding a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship when you show as a grownup and you choose men who are grownup. And if you need help in how to figure out who to choose, schedule that discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. There's a link below. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video today. I'm gonna do it as I always do. First off, I'm gonna get myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, Pat, teddy bear pillow and give them a hug of love. There's a teddy bear. Hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. I wanna thank Jennifer and Jade and Margaret, Miranda, Pamela, Sandy, Jade, Starshine, Leif. Let's keep going, Rosie, just name a few. Folks, please share this video with your friends. Please hit that like button and please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new. Thanks a bunch. Wishing you a fab evening. You be well, bye now.