 If you thought Captain America was the first Avenger, well then you haven't been paying attention, buddy. No, that honor was bestowed upon Veers, aka Carol Danvers, aka Captain Marvel. This lame character joins the MCU fight late in the game, but apparently she's been there the whole time. Let's find out if she deserves to be by roasting 2019's Captain Midvall. I mean Marvel. The film fires up with a huge Marvel stand all over the logo. Uh-oh, Brie Larson got into the paints again. Is that a net-bending? Jesus. The MCU is badded through so many actors we've now squarely landed on the net-bending. That's where we're at in the MCU. All right, here's our protagonist. She was having a bad dream. She looks out the window at sci-fi world. Planet's actually called Hala, but I can take one look at this bitch and tell you right now. She ain't no Hala Batgirl. She ain't no Hala Batgirl. Subscribe for Gwen Stefani references. She can't sleep, so she heads down the hall to ask her mentor if she wants to do a quick sparring sesh, short for session. They chat about all her dreams while fighting. Hey, that's the same thing my wife and I do. That's fun. He kicks her ass, which makes her mad. Now she's gonna fist him real good. I came out wrong. Jude Law punches her square in the moneymaker, so yeah, you're gonna get a fisting, son. Brie Larson takes a train ride to the AI Super Intelligence. She really wants to do some more fisting though, but Jude Law's having none of it. Now in green screen vision, the Super Intelligence takes the form of... Annette Benning. She's already in this movie 100% more than I was expecting. She gives us Brie's name, which is Veers. Is it though? That sounds a lot like Danvers. Danvers, Veers. We'll get there. I think we'll get there. We're told via exposition dump that Veers doesn't remember her past. Just that an alien race called Skrull are somehow involved, and that Skrull suck hard. The camera then shows us a neck implant on the side of Veers. I can't really see much significance to this. I imagine this won't come up at all later in the film. How is there any time, especially when there's just so much fisting to do? After a nice slow-motion walk, the Cree saddle up to save one of their fellow comrades, who's stranded on the remote planet Torfa. They're headed into a dicey situation. We'll see if they get out of this one okay. The bottom line is they need to get in, get out, and Skrull fuck anything that gets in their path. Let us Cree that they all make it out alive. They take to the sea for a Navy Creel type of entrance. There's our hero shot. Sombra from Overwatch sets up camp from a distance. Bet Midler style. From a distance. A bunch of locals look like they need some help. Skrulls! It's a trap! Veers is caught off guard and captured. We open on a flashback or dream of sorts. Bree, I do all my own stun slarsen is looking all top gun in this moment. She says her catchphrase. I have further faster babies. Cool beans. She then strokes the tip of the plane and now I'm half masked. The scene's now jumping frantically as the aliens work to mine information from her brain skull. We get a series of disappointing fails as Veers tries to hang with the boys and they all go out of their way to point out how much she sucks. One even says this. You do know what I call a god. Disgusting. You know what? It's 2023. We should rename it. Let's call it the uh the pussy pit. Rolls off the tongue better even. We get a glimpse of a karaoke jam where she's wearing a guns and roses tea. Now not to get too far in the weeds with this, but guns and roses is also heavily featured in Thor Love and Thunder, which would come out years later, which in my mind's eye just shows how much of a genius Kevin is over there at the MCU. He had a vision, a connected set of films from not just the characters and the story arcs, but also the merch, the bands. Guns and Roses is very much part of this cinematic experience. And that's just good advertising. Everything is mapped out. Everything. Benin's back, baby. I hate to watch you go, Annette, but I love to watch you leave. The scroll are looking for something. Perhaps a more interesting movie. Perhaps a character that's more exciting than a bowl of cold porridge. We shall see. No. We shall crea. Now this is a story all about how my life got flip turned upside down. Veers is hooked up to either a memory reader or a sex machine. I'm hoping for the latter, but this is Disney. They don't have the balls. No, they don't have the clams. She starts fisting the machine until she's finally freed. Battle breaks out as she attempts to flee the ship. She fights off a bunch of angry middle-aged dudes from YouTube, and I guarantee her making that ugly face turns them on even more. Nothing in this room is safe from her wrath. None of these geeks or these gamers are getting out of here alive. God, I hope she fists the living hell out of them. Suddenly, the craft rips open, sucking out several scrolls. Veers commandeers an escape pod and she figures out how to use it by just kind of like, you know, blobbing things around. That works. Annette smack it a little bit. We're going. And then it fails and she starts falling to her death, presumably. And I'm crea. I'm crea falling. Veers crashes into a blockbuster video and right into our hearts. She blasts Arnold Schwarzenegger's character Harry from True Lies and I took it personal. Where can I find communications equipment? She then asks local security for directions to the nearest nostalgia. He points her to a radio shack. Unclear as what she did for the night, because now we're on the next day, off on a beach. The scroll have arrived, somehow surviving the crash that threatened absolutely no one. And they decided to head out for a morning dip. One of them checks out a hot surfer chick. Hey, you and I have that in common, good sir. Oh, he was just scanning her to take her form. Well, now I look a fool. Thanks, jackass. Okay, it looks like Veers spent the night wiring up some 90s callbacks so she could contact her captain or whatever the hell he is to her. Oh great, the popo are here. And wait, is that Agent Coulson? Oh my lucky stars as I live and breathe. It's gonna be hard to top a Coulson Cam. You next theory! Zzzzzzzangasm! No time to celebrate, there's a scroll in the vicinity. And that son of a bitch knows Parkour. Veers tracks him to a train where she spots a Stanley cameo. He's rehearsing lines for an upcoming movie he's gonna star in called Mall Rats. That's actually a pretty fun little callback to the Kevin Smith film. She punches the shit out of an elderly woman in the face. Right on. Okay, Veers, I see you. We're gonna get... Oh, it's a scroll. Oh, interesting. Boy, I look a fool today. Here I thought she was just randomly assaulting old people like I do, but nope, it's a scroll. Okay, I just keep my mouth shut. The scroll now takes the form of a young Bill Gates and the chase continues up on top. I can't quite put my dick on it, but Agent Coulson is acting incredibly sus right now. Like, perhaps he's not himself. Still here at the blockbuster and where'd everybody go? Oh snap, I was right. That's not him. Another scroll has taken over. This is just scrollception at this point. It's scrollmageddon. Are you guys creeing this? Are you guys creeing what's happening right now? All this commotion. I'm about to creme myself. Okay, I gotta stop. Let me go on a quick side tangent. I have to point this out. Brie Larson is an absolute smoke show. I don't care what you want to pretend. She's a good-looking woman. That said, her superhero outfit is less flattering than me trying to pull off a pair of Capris. I don't have the body type for it. Nicholas Furiosa has seen his first alien. Just pop that cherry. You always remember your first. And he covers that up the same way a flasher does out in the streets with the trench coat. Veers tries to watch the film Inception on her forearm plasma, just as Christopher Nolan intended. But alas, the screen malfunctions and she's gonna have to go on with this crappy movie. To the internet. After a quick alien autopsy complete with a alien peep show finale, Fury's boss, played by Ben Meddleson, but Mendel, Mendel and Ellison, Ben Menzel, quietly chats it up with the corpse. I can't quite put my sack on it, but I feel like something's amiss here as well. With a freshly stolen bike and outfit, Veers rolls up to a local bar where she catches up with Nick Fury. She needs to make sure he's not a scroll by acting out the 20 questions scene from Uncle Buck, which was done much better in that film. But super cut. Where were you born? In the city. Do you have a house? Huntsville, Alabama. What do you do for a living? Technically, I don't remember that part. Name your first pet? I don't have one. How come? I don't need one. Now? It's a long story. Ben? It's an even longer story. Where? It's a cold war. We were everywhere. What's your record for consecutive questions asked? 38. Okay, your turn. The two road trippin' to a secret military base to find out what Project Pegasus is cooking up. With a fresh 9-inch nails tee, ripped jeans and a baseball cap, Brie Larson's starting to look like every girl I wanted to ask out in high school but was too afraid to because they were just so edgy. A pussy shows up between Brie Larson's legs. Nick Fury pets it. And now it's the only way I can achieve climax. The cat's name is Goose. Kinda making me think it has something to do with that Top Gun movie again. They like that nostalgia here. They find documents on this mystery woman Larson who as it turns out is actually a Kree herself and her real name is Mar-Vell. Mar-Vell is her name. Sounds an awful lot like Marvel. Very cool. Very creative. She's dead. Meanwhile, Fury starts fighting with his boss who's actually a Skrull in disguise. Skrull formers. Skrull in disguise. That doesn't work. And it's at this point I realize this movie's only half over. What a boring roller coaster it's been. Sensing my lack of enthusiasm, Veers finally starts fisting again with an impressive shot across the bow. They hop inside of the Vagpet of a 90s super plane and they take to the skies. We gotta stole it. Goose joins them. Because cats are cute. They decide to track down her old colleague for answers. Maria Rambo. Aw shit. We got Ronan in this? The bad guy from Guardians of the Galaxy. He's working with Jude Law. I don't know Jude Law's character name. It was probably said one time and completely slipped. We'll find out if it comes up. Honestly though, who gives a crap. Ronan's in this? They're not going to just slap him in for a glorified cameo. I'm sure this is going to lead to something incredibly riveting. Very excited. And there's our Veers who finally looks at home in the world. In the kitchen. She's not cooking up your traditional meal though. Now what she plans on serving up is a piping red bowl of justice. She sits down and have a lovely chat with her friend about the events that took place just before she left. Six years Richard Pryor. And I got to acknowledge that this actress is like 50% more dramatic than anyone else in this film. There's no one you were out there somewhere too damn stubborn to die. I feel like she forgot this was a Marvel movie. She is acting her heart out like there's an Oscar waiting for her on the other side. It's not going to happen ma'am. After a riveting photo montage, Talos shows up sipping a soda. He's easily the most exciting character in this movie. He swings by and says, listen I just want to chat. Which Veers replies. Last time we talked I ended up hanging from my ankles. I'm incredibly turned on right now. The way they directed Brie to just stand stoically half the time is so funny. It's so awkward looking. Like I'm prepared to fight. This is my fight stance. Just try me. Fice of fury. Fice of anger. Higher, faster, stronger, cooler. Stronger, bannered, faster, bannered. But the nut nut that did don't kill me. Brie holds her pussy up to Talos who is very frightened by this. He calls it a flurkin. And now we move on without a follow up question on that. Talos, or whatever the hell his name is, Thanos, claims to have her voice on a black box from six years ago. Saying what really happened on that faithful knight. Cut to a flashback. She lands like I do when I play around a fortnight. Terribly. Lawson's on her last leg. She's about to die. So she explains what's going on and her real name is actually Mar-Bell. Something we the audience already knew but what a reveal it would have been. Before she can destroy the super engine though, she's shot off camera by Jude Law. IMDB says his character name is Jan Ragh. So I can understand why they haven't said it very much. Carol says fuck it and she shoots the energy core which sends all the CG magic into her. Absorbing it for herself. The Kree saw this as an advantage. They took her, trained her, manipulated her and convinced her to bury her emotions deep down. Conceal don't feel Elsa. She's coming with us. Scroll were not bad at all. They were just trying to survive the Kree's ruling. They've been on the run and they want Veers to help to track down that power so they can use it to get away from it all or something. The plot's getting dicey here. She's like I destroyed it and they're like You destroyed the engine. The core that powers it is in a remote location. The thing is a Tesseract. It really can't be destroyed unless you wish upon a star like Thanos while collecting all of them. Rambo's back again doing another one of her best supporting actress shticks. Veers or should I say Carol as I've been informed is on the porch with Rambo's less annoying daughter and you're going to be seeing more of this girl in the Disney Plus hit WandaVision or in the upcoming film The Marvels or is it the Marvels? Who the fuck cares? But for the time being she's going to do the simple task of picking out a color palette for Carol. How? Well using that little slider thing that was previously broken to just kind of pick whatever she wants. There's just a whole swatch pattern and they know how to use this somehow. It's kind of like figuring out how to fly a ship. You just push a bunch of buttons twist knobs. Bleep boop bleep bleep. Yeah so the girl's just like uh-huh yep there you go. Nope not this one. How about this one? What? What? What is this tech? Yann-Rogg shows up at the farm. A Skrull takes the form of Carol but the trick doesn't last very long making me wonder why he even did it in the first place. Basically a sacrificial lamb. On a farm? That makes sense. Ronan has been informed of the Skrull invasion on earth so he's on his way. This is gonna be juicy. Carol and her Crack Squad enter Marvel's laboratory ship that's camouflaged out in space. They find the core. AKA the Tesseract. It's safely stored in a Fonzie lunchbox. Nostalgia! We have a full blown Skrull family reunion as they all start coming out of the hiding. A dumb Skrull kid takes Carol over to a space invader's pinball machine shows her his high score. Peacocking or something. Dude look at the scores not that impressive you've been on this ship for what six years? Are you out of your mind? And the Kree are here now too. Did she have a tracker on her or something? How are they fine? Oh she that would that would probably do it. You know what this is the time she too realized hey this thing here probably not a natural growth spot on my neck. I could I could take this off. But not before I talk to the super intelligent AI thing again. Q Nirvana's Come As You Are. Really the perfect song to put in a corporate movie from Disney and also a beautiful poor one out moment for Kurt Cobain. I'm sure he would love this and not be rolling over in his grave. Annette Benning. She's all over this movie. It's the Annette Benning show. She's Kree explaining how Carol can't use her powers and she's pathetic and a loser and needs to conceal and not feel and all that shit. And I'm just sitting here with my dick in my hand trying to figure out why they're even talking to her anymore. Granted it leads to some truly stunning shots like this. It's cute how hard you're trying. Ugh. Carol reflects on how clumsy she's always been. And now is the time to do something about it. Get up you son of a bitch. That's Mickey loves you. Annette blasts a CG skybeam horizontally at our super her. Oh. But she's not having it anymore. With the chip removed there's no strings on her. Nobody in this poses or acts like superheroes have done in the past. They're all incredibly uncomfortable and awkward to watch. Goose takes the Tesseract with his tentacle mouth. Yeah. You flurkin' heard me from his tentacle mouth. Battle time. Carol takes on a bunch more Kree to the hit song I'm Just a Girl. I personally love this song. I celebrate No Doubt's entire catalog. I do however have a problem with this in the movie. It comes out of nowhere. There is no other scene like this that's fun and poppy and this upbeat. So to just throw this song in and mind you it's not edited well. The music is not the same. They cut it at certain spots. It fades in and out. It was clearly an afterthought. Not something pre-planned like you would see with James Gunn movie. And it also kind of irks me that there's a jukebox in the room. And that's not how the song started up. Like if you're gonna put the damn thing there. Shoot it and make the song play or something. It just adds a little bit more. It brings it together. Oh good. The movie's still not over. Rambo gets into a dogfight with that overwatch chick. This looks like it was directly taken from Independence Day. I swear half of these shots are the same. Carol shot out of a fucking cannon. Fist flies through the sky. She can fly now? Yeah. She can fly now. Good timing too. Ronan just arrived. I know you've been loving this shit right here. Keep Ronan, Ronan, Ronan, Ronan. What? He launches like 40 missiles at Earth. Next time? Double it. Carol makes short work out of them. And if you thought she was hot before, she was just warming up. She's now cruising through missiles and ships with ease. Which begs the question, why stop when she did? She destroys some of the fleet and then goes in front of Ronan's just like, yeah, you better leave now and go enslave other planets and be a dick to other people and go fight the guardians of the galaxy and slay a bunch of individuals, ruin people's lives. I'll let you live for that. What a bizarre way to shoehorn him in. In a final 1v1 fight on the beach, we're surely gonna see an epic throwdown between our mentor and our... Nope, she just shoots him once. Tells him to shut up. Kind of a hit it and quit it situation. She knocks him down a peg, yells at him, and then sends his ass packing back home so he can warn the other Kree and the super intelligence that she's coming for him. Maybe... Maybe don't give him ample warning. They have sophisticated weaponry. Why give them the heads up? Just go there. Surprise them. And I have to say Jude Law was a disappointment here. His character, not all it was cracked up to Kree. That was forced. Nick Fury celebrates with that lovable cat goose by getting his eye slashed up. Wait, what? Please tell me that's why he has that iconic eye patch going forward. Because a cat scratched his eye. What a great and heroic backstory for Nick Fury to have. The most badass leader of the MCU. Cat scratch. Perfect. Carol's back in the kitchen doing the dishes. It suits you. Looks good on you. Subscribe for sexism. She gives Nick Fury a pager so he can contact her whenever there's an emergency. I feel like Nick and I have different definitions of what emergency means as he's going to be in countless scenarios where Carol's a phone call away. Yeah, might as well have the strongest Avenger fly down. She has no weakness as far as I can tell. She's made of what looks to be the literal sun. Complete force of nature to be reckoned with that you can't reckon with. Just pure power. Why is she not on speed dial? The film ends with her flying out to space wearing a cool leather jacket. And I'm about to leather jacket to Carol. No. Quick aside. That glow that she's radiating with, is that cancer causing? What are we dealing with here? Is it hot? Am I going to burn if I touch her? What's going on? I feel like you need to keep your distance from Carol going forward. The movie winds down with Nick Fury at the computer trying to come up with a great name for his new super friends initiative. He sees a photo of his good friend Carol as she's getting into her plane. And the call sign reads Captain Carol Avenger Danvers. All right, that's Captain Marvel, a movie whose entire success at reaching a billion dollars solely squarely rests upon the shoulders of the two movies that's wedged between Infinity War and Endgame. Now it is also true that this is the first MCU film featuring a strong female lead. Quite frankly, it's about time. But it turns out the sex doesn't really matter in the slightest if the movie's not great. Here's the deal. I don't like this movie. I also don't hate it. I think it's a very watchable mediocre time featuring some really stupid little moments. But the overall is just meh. It's watchable meh. But I'd love to hear your thoughts. Put them in the comments. What do you think of Captain Marvel? Are you excited for the sequel, the Marvels? Do you think it's going to do as well as this one? Or are you thinking, yeah, you know what? The Infinity War saga is done. And so is this character's story arc. If you like the video, please go ahead and give this video a like. If you love the video, I would love to have you stick around. Subscribe to the channel. Maybe join me on Patreon at patreon.com slash adamdoesmovies. Or be a fan right here on YouTube via that join button. This is a way to support the channel. Show me that you like what I'm doing. And you want to continue to see me and this little hobby grow. All right. I don't think I've said enough. I'm flurking out of here. I'll cre you next time.