 So, what you, uh, what you got there, Pablo? What are you, a cop? That's me, a 70-year-old cop in fuzzy slippers in a bathrobe who's come to arrest you for opening an Amazon box. Yep, you nailed it. Very funny. Do me a favor. Will you officer and get me a pair of scissors before you put me away? All right, though. You know they're not going to allow you to keep these scissors once you're in prison, right? Seriously, though. What is in there? I haven't seen you this excited open a box since you got those military-grade binoculars and ended up with a restraining order from you. Hey! We agreed not to talk about that, all right? What if I told you? I got a signed poster by Harambe. The monkey that was killed at the zoo? He's a gorilla, you squash. Oh, I feel so silly. It's so insensitive. Yeah, and I don't want to hear it out of you either. If I said something about Betty White, I wouldn't be just as upset. Yeah, there is no reason to bring Queen Betty into this, okay? She saved a generation. Donkey Kong there couldn't even save a kid from an ape exactly. Oh, there he is. Don't listen to him, Harambe. What does he know? When I signed up to be your legal guardian, I did not realize it was going to be babysitting a moron in my free time. She's so hot. Do it. Hey, what's up, Vanessa? You want to go out? I got the do. I mean, you are kind of cute. Let's do it. What do you think? Does this look crooked or not? Yeah, a little. I'd say move it down. Is that better? Nah, back up. Just a scope. Okay. How's that? Yeah, left. No, no, no. My left. Tyrone, you have one with two left feet. That's all you... dude. It's fine, right there. That's good. All right, I got to get to class. Okay. Sounds like a plan. Give me a call if you fill a part faster than my second marriage. Thank you. Not interested. Goodbye. It looks like you've met your demise for a second time. No way, Pablo. I'm telling you, Tasha, it's real. I swear. Really? Harambe? The monkey. He's a gorilla. There's no way you're being serious right now. For the ninth time, I'm telling you, it came with a certificate of authenticity. I don't know what more proof you need. The weed coming. Oh, Jesus. Just be nice with you for once. What's up? Hey, Austin. How's it going? I ran over a squirrel on the way to get here, but I'm not... we're chilling. What are you guys talking about? Well, I was just telling Tasha that I just got my signed poster by Harambe in today. Harambe? Did you say Harambe? I love Harambe. I would do anything for my sweet prince. Okay, come down. Just get a little worked up when I think about my lord and savior, Harambe. Okay. Would you mind giving us a couple minutes? Uh, why? Can I tag along? Not really. It's kind of a private conversation that me and Tasha were having. Just like one moment. I don't... I don't really have any friends. I could be incorporated into this relationship somehow. I'd greatly appreciate it. We've already given you a moment, all right? This is kind of... No, Minutos? No. Austin, I'm sorry, but no. He said no! Get out! Scram! Why are you so mean to Austin? He's not that bad. I know you're not talking about the kid that just called Harambe his sweet prince. Okay, I'll admit. That was a little weird. Yeah. Slow, maybe. I don't know. Do you still think the poster's fake? Absolutely, yeah. I think you're crazy. I don't know how I'm going to convince you. I mean, something. So! One thing. Just one. What? No! No, Austin! No! No! No! Just try. Just try. Stop. No. I'm desperate. I can see that. All right, Tasha. I have an idea. I have a deal for you. What? Do I look like Rick Harrison to you? Whatever. You come over after school today and I show you the poster in all of its magnificent glory. If it's real, you have to go on a date with Austin. Whoa! Hey, I have standards, okay? And he does not meet them. What's in it for me? What do I get if it's fake? I'll show up to first period tomorrow naked. I gotta tell my mom. That's right. She left me for Enrique. Okay, Rumbay. A brand new poster. All in one piece this time. And now for the old Rumbay Hancock. Yes, yes, yes. Perfect. He will never suspect. Hem-ba, hem-ba, hem-ba-ray. Your illiteracy has gotten the best of you I can. Ah, jeez. I know my parents are proud. Oh, hey, hey, Pablo. Hey, how's it going Tyrone? Oh, oh, good. You know, just watering the dogs. I mean, I'm just hanging out. You know, just, who's your friend? Oh, uh, this is Tosh. Hey, I can introduce myself. Don't you j-don't. My name is Tosh, Eds. Nice to meet you, Mr. Gray. Uh-huh. Uh, yeah, she's also here to see my signed poster by our Lord and Savior, Rumbay. Oh, yeah, go, good, good, yeah. What do you have behind your back there, Tyrone? Oh, oh. Oh, that's nothing. That's just wanted poster for the cat. We don't have a cat. Which is why we need to get a poster up to get one quickly, you know? Can you guys just give me one second, okay? But why do you- Would you please, for the love of God, just leave? Don't worry about it, buddy. You will never notice. That kid can barely spell as it is. Yeah. You will never notice. At least you look better than you did before you got split like the Red Sea. Yeah, that'll work. Hi, I'm Martin the Tape, and I'm here to sell you tape. That's it, nothing else, just tape. You got a broken pencil? Tape it. You got a broken computer? Maybe try taping it. You got a broken piece of paper? Try taping it. The only thing tape can't fix is my family marriage, but I'll sure try. We got all sorts of tape down here, and we got red tape, yellow tape, white tape, gather tape, duct tape, duct tape, all sorts of tape just for you to try. And if you call this number right now, ask for me, Martin the Tape. I'll give you a buy one, get one free deal on tape. That's it. We only got tape, but call this number, and you'll get a deal. If you get the tape, ask for me. I'll see you here at Tape and Emporium. We're not back in yet. This is taking way too long, old man. You deaf or something? He is. Hey guys, sorry. This is a mess. I just wanted to straighten up for your little friend here. Are you ready to be proven wrong now? Yeah, definitely. Ready to see him in all his apeful glory. Well, look, feast your eyes. I told you this was real, and you called me crazy. You are crazy, but it is kind of cool. Wait a second. Why is it spelled Hambare? You're going to criticize an ape for misspelling his name? I mean, I don't know, maybe you should be playing Mozart while he's juggling swords on a tightrope or something. Well, I mean, he does have a point. Hey, watch it, Bozo. I wouldn't be calling anyone Bozo. I'm not the one who has a date with Austin tomorrow. God about that. No, I have to go vomit. Don't kill the dwee tomorrow. You wouldn't do well in prison. Thanks. I just have a question for you that I would just like to ask. Nothing too major. I know you're very busy and don't have a lot of free time. I would just like to know, why does my poster say Hambare? I don't know. Maybe you should call the zoo and ask them. He was killed in 2016. He's been dead for six years. It's a sweet little ape, too. Will you stop dodging the question and please tell me, why is this spelled wrong? It wasn't like that when I left this morning. Pablo, Pablo, Pablo, dear, sweetheart. Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just tell me what happened. Nevesi, truth time. I'm going to let you know. Here's what really happened, okay? This morning, when you left for school, around seven, right, I was sitting here on the couch, so it must have been around eight. Eight o'clock. Honestly, God. Sitting here on the couch, reading my paper, minding my own business. Bang! The dorm bursts off the hinges. These two huge guys are standing there with machine guns. Tyrone. Dude, I'm trying to explain what happened to the poster, okay? Next thing I know, they've got me around the neck. I'm trying to fight them off that they've got you. Will you please just tell me what happened? I won't get bad. I promise. The truth is, I may or may not have ripped your hamburgers. What? You said you weren't going to get upset. That was before I found out you turned my poster into a jigsaw bungle. I feel terrible. It was an accident. I did everything I could to make it right. I went to the print shop. I had to make a new poster with the same picture. While I'm waiting for them to get it printed, this huge guy named Bub is there, and he keeps asking me out to dinner. And all I want to do is get out of there, but I stay for you, okay? I even sign the poster until my dyslexia kicks in. But everything I did today, I did for you. So I hope I can be forgiven. Well, I mean, don't get me wrong. I am pissed. But in all honesty, it was kind of an entire waste of money. And I know you didn't mean to ruin my day in a week, in a month, and possibly a year. All right, all right. I get it. Do you forgive me? Yeah, I guess so. But I swear, if you do anything until my Toby McGuire signed dunks. Dude, dude, not to worry. My destructive tendencies end right here, okay? Well, I am very glad to hear that. This does not make me forget about the time that you deep fried my Nemo plushie when I was six, though. Oh my God, you still remember that? That was one time. I was sobbing for a week. And I felt horrible. You looked so defeated, so pathetic, so... Pablo. But... here's the thing. Pablo, you know I don't say this often, but I care about you, dude. You know that? When your parents drowned in that Taco Bell bathroom 20 odd years ago, I knew it was going to be up to me to give you any kind of chance at life. And did I fail? Yeah, miserably. Many times. That's not the point, okay? That's not the point. The point is, I care about you. Like a son. All right? Okay. Yeah, I know. All right, so here's the deal. I'll learn to write if you learn to read, okay? Love you, boy. You come here often? No, not really. I'm not a big fan of seafood. I'm just sneezed all over my plate. I just, like, slipped out. I didn't hear, like, a germaphobe or anything. I am not a germaphobe, but you literally just sneezed all over my plate. It sounds to me like a... like a U-Problem. That's it. I'm out. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You really should hit the bill. I'm the best baller around. No one compares to me. I mean, I'm just the best in the world and as simple as that. L-A-G-E.