 but being here in itself knowing that I'm here because I'm going to try to do something for myself this is a kind thing to do for me and in turn it's a kind thing to do for the people around me because they won't have to deal with this as much. Amelia Fart is a great example of why you and a lot of other people need to give therapy a chance. What is up everybody this is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel my channel is all about mental health and what I like to do is pull different topics from the youtube community to try to teach you how to improve your mental and emotional well-being so if you're into that make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell so yeah for those of you who are new to my channel go follow me on instagram go do it doesn't cost you a penny let's go follow me i'm trying to get to 10 000 followers but social media is a great way to get in touch with me i'm on twitter too at the Rewired Soul as well and a ton a ton of people asked me to do a video about the most recent Amelia Fart video about her going to therapy all right so in this video what i'm gonna be doing is i'm gonna be breaking down her recent video about going back to therapy and try to pull different things and unpack them a little bit and explain you know the good the bad all that kind of stuff and if you're somebody who's considering therapy there's a lot that we can learn from this yeah when i started going to therapy it started as something where i wanted to make my relationship better with someone that i love and um probably try to process my grief of my dad dying and and it turned into something else it turned into running from pain that i'd probably been trying to you know suppress my whole life i don't know that's an interesting clip right there and this is something i was thinking about diving more into um in an email uh if you're not signed up for my email list do it because i send out emails just like when i get ideas about mental health motivation if i don't feel like making a video i just write up an email and just send it out and all that but anyways Amelia was talking about how when she first got into therapy it was for a relationship and she wanted to be better for her relationship and there's there's pros and cons to this all right so a lot of people do this they they try to get help for somebody else it's something that we see a lot in addiction treatment and that's that's not always a bad thing but it can be a bad thing all right your mental health recovery should never be dependent on somebody or something else right for example some people only go get help so they can keep their job some people only get help so they can keep their relationship right but what happens when that relationship goes away what happens if you lose your job whatever that doesn't mean that your mental health isn't still a priority right but what Amelia talks about is is that the therapeutic process when she first went to therapy it was really eye opening and she realized like wow i need therapy more than just for my relationship or for somebody else all right so like i don't i don't like saying that you have to get better for you because when i first started working on my mental health when i got clean um over six and a half years ago i was doing it for other people but i i ended up doing it for myself right and that is a topic that i can talk about for a while and if you want me to discuss that in a video i'm still going to send an email out about it at some point if you want me to talk about that in a video about how you've got to get better for yourself like let me know down in the comments below because that's something i can talk about for a while i don't know why but i was scared to say that i wanted anything or that i thought i was capable of doing anything trying that if i did it would be pathetic so i didn't want people around me to know that i wanted things so she was the first person that i told and through that she helped me try and i started making videos she was the one who said start making one a week then she was the one who said start making two a week she was one of the main reasons why my life has turned into something so beautiful to me that i'll never be able to express how moved i am and how changed i am by what's happened i absolutely love that clip i absolutely love that so one of the reasons one of the reasons that so many people need therapy is what Amelia was just talking about like a therapist a therapist can be your biggest cheerleader and that's what i try to do for people i am not a licensed therapist by the way i am just somebody who tries to help people with their mental health i've worked in mental health treatment and all of that but so many of you are surrounded by for the lack of better words like jerks right like you might come from an unsupported family you might have unsupported friends you might have people who are holding you back right and a lot of the negative thoughts that we have um we gotta realize that a lot of those thoughts aren't even our own we are hurt on ourselves because of what our mom used to say to us or what our dad used to say to us or what an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend used to say to us or all that right there so a therapist can help give you a nudge in the right direction and say no i think you could do this thing i think you could do it right so when Amelia was afraid of making a youtube channel her therapist was right there and say no girl go do your thing get up on youtube and look how it's working out for her all right so anyways aside from therapy because a lot of you say look but i can't afford therapy then join our facebook group or join our discord server they're always linked down in the description because we are there to support one another and pursue things that make us happy all right so once i was able to turn youtube into my job i kind of stopped going to her i'm like oh i have my footing i have my life you know we built this up so i stopped going and um here i am again so Amelia's talking about how she stopped going with therapy when things got better super common super common and again kind of like the first topic i touched on this has its pros and cons one of the biggest mistakes that i see a lot of people make is that they stop helping themselves when things get good this is one of the worst things that you can do okay because when it comes to our mental health like the analogy i always make is this like you don't practice a fire drill when there's a fire all right you practice a fire drill in case a fire happens this is why all of us need to be proactive about our mental health we need to take care of our mental health on a daily basis you know why because at any moment without warning life can come up and slap your right in the face all right life doesn't say you know what hey chris next week i'm gonna make some stuff go down no that's not how it works that is not how it works you never know when you're gonna lose a job you never know when you're gonna get that unexpected bill in the mail you you never know when like a family member is gonna pass away or a loved one you never know when that person's gonna break up with you sometimes whatever it is this is why we need to take care of our mental health on a daily basis not just when we're feeling bad all right another common mistake i see people make is that they stop taking their mental health medications when they feel good okay like let me let me make this perfectly clear i'm going to tell you a little secret just a little bit of a secret come here come here real quick all right the reason you feel good is because your medications are freaking working all right but anyways i will talk about the other side of it too some people like you go through therapy in like cycles or whatever like maybe you only need a month or two of therapy maybe you only need six months of therapy maybe you only need a year of therapy right like a lot of therapists what they what they should do a responsible good therapist is going to have some kind of exit plan for you all right it's actually something that i thought was really good that katie morten talked about in her book but when you first meet with a therapist and you're going through the consultation right or even in one of the first sessions you're going to talk about goals that you have like what do you want to do what do you want to achieve why are you sitting in this office right now right and when you get to that point you know a therapist isn't going to just sit there and just milk you for money or more sessions if you've gotten to a healthy place so sometimes you won't need therapy anymore but it's kind of like training wheels okay so therapy is your training wheels like eventually you get to a point where you're just going you're just doing things out of habit now you're meditating regularly you're taking your medications you're journaling you're doing whatever it takes to keep your mental health on point but the therapist was just there as kind of like a coach and somebody who was guiding you along that journey all right but the biggest tip i can give you for this is two tips actually self-awareness and honesty all right like a lot of people are just like oh i'm doing fine i don't need therapy anymore but you're really still screwed up okay so this is why it's good to have a therapist to tell you if they think that you're ready so my suggestion is if you're somebody who's in therapy right now and don't think you need it anymore ask your therapist and if you trust your therapist if they're honest therapist they'll be like yeah you don't need to be here anymore for example when um like working in addiction treatment like some people would want to stay in addiction treatment forever and not go face their problems i'm like listen man or listen girl or lady or whoever it is like listen it's time for you to go you've learned everything that you can it's time for you to go put these skills to use out in the real world all right and when i leave being around the people that i love i feel like i was just insufferable the entire time i was around them i feel like i'm so self-absorbed and it's disgusting i just feel like a gross monster this is something that so many people struggle with i remember i did my meditation the other day the youtuber inspired one by the way i'm so so so glad i had such a positive response have a really cool meditation coming up for you this weekend um but anyways negative self-talk this is huge i'm gonna give you two quick tips for this two tips okay one of the best suggestions that anybody can give you this is a suggestion i was given to me when you find yourself in negative self-talk saying that you're not good enough you're not this your garbage your piece blah blah blah blah right ask yourself what would you tell a friend what would you tell a friend if your best friend in the world came to you and said i'm terrible i'm awful done it out like what would you tell that person okay something that you need to practice is talking to yourself like you would a friend okay that intro clip that i showed you like therapy and working on yourself it's not just for you okay it's the most selfish and selfless action that you can take working on yourself makes everybody else's life around you better all right because i don't struggle with the anger issues that i used to the life of my son is better the life of my beautiful girlfriend tristan is better you see what i mean so learn how to talk to yourself with some kindness and compassion like forgive yourself in the same way that you would forgive a friend something that you can um think about it is like forgiving your pet i know i have a lot of animal lovers out there right like would you like be mad at your pet forever for something no you would forgive your pet okay so learn how to forgive yourself the second thing that i'm talking gonna talk about it's not so much a tip but something i've been teaching guys a lot about lately is something called selective attention okay i talked about it in my jenna marbles video i talked about it in one of the gabby videos we train our brains to focus on whatever we tell it to focus on right so if all you're doing is focusing on your negative qualities you're training your brain to focus on nothing but your negative qualities so one recommendation i would have is positive affirmations okay so some of you have asked me to go into the science of it this is just a little bit of it but based on what we know about the psychology of selective attention if you do daily positive affirmations i thought they were corny and stupid at first but if you're training yourself to say nice things to yourself then you're gonna start focusing on that then all of your negative qualities all right give it a try i've just been closed and terrified terrified terrified of really being vulnerable with someone else in a romantic way i don't know why it's been my entire life it's not like there was a point where i was open and trusting and then and something happened and stopped no my entire life i i can trust friends i can trust family but something about being romantically connected to someone vulnerable no just no how many of you can relate to that so this this is another thing where it's not necessarily bad because something that i try to preach to you guys all the time and this is like this is i'm proud of Amelia i'm proud of Amelia fart for this because she has a self-awareness like she knows she is in a bad place to date somebody else one of the most selfish things that you can do is know that you are messed up and date somebody else and bring them into that mess now a lot of a lot of people not a lot of people some people twist this and say like oh i'm broken so i can never date again or broken people need love too that's not what i'm saying we're all broken every single one of us is broken the person that you work with that seems like the happiest person on earth they're broken i promise you the difference is are you working on yourself or are you not working on yourself so i'm glad that Amelia fart doesn't want to bring somebody into that chaos until she gets to a good place that is awesome very very awesome but one of the points of therapy is to get to that good place okay and something else that you should ask your therapist is do you think i'm ready to date yet all right do you think this is a good idea for me to date yet but the other thing that we're going to talk about which some of you have seen me talk about in recent videos is avoidance all right so Amelia farts fear of getting in a relationship fear of being hurt and all of that that is making her lonely possibly making her depressed as well so this is something that i would have to do an entire new video on but you need to take baby steps okay i talked about this in my video the other day about avoidance but you need to try things you need to practice things you need to train your brain because what's happening is that you are making things worse for yourself like go out start casually dating you know whatever it is like hop on the tinder app i don't really care go on okay keep it whatever you crazy kids are into these days like go on those things talk to people even if you're not going on a date just train yourself to talk to people okay like i have never ever ever ever met somebody who just like had to go to the emergency room because someone didn't reply to their message on tinder unless something really crazy and on happened all right like you guys heartbreak is a part of life the best thing that we can do is build a resilience towards this thing that's something that you can do is start building practice and quit being so afraid that you're gonna get hurt because i hate to break it to you but life is going to happen people are going to hurt you okay it's not about avoiding it it's about learning how to deal with it but being here in itself knowing that i'm here because i'm going to try to do something for myself this is a kind thing to do for me and in turn it's a kind thing to do for the people around me because they won't have to deal with this as much hell yeah girl that's my girl Amelia fart right there this is a great way to close out this video right there try try okay the whole point of my channel is to get into the solution just try that's it just try just give it a try all right there's something that we talk about which is contempt prior to investigation okay and a lot of us get into this thing because it's part of terminal uniqueness we think that we're so different we're so special where this precious little unicorn nobody will ever get it nobody will ever understand but you've never tried it right what where is the logic in saying this isn't going to work for me but you've never even given it a try you know what i mean it's like a child who is like no i don't like this vegetable have you ever tried it no so a lot of us are just some big ass grown ass babies all you can do is try okay like trust me there are people who are worse than you who have been able to get better that is a bold statement but i'm letting you know right now there are people worse than you who have gotten better all right i was thinking about making a video on this just pulling comments from my comment section and just letting you know if you came to my channel to leave a comment about how hopeless you are let me let me tell you this you are not all right i know that you think that your situation is different than everybody else's but it's not this is another reason to join the facebook group or the discord server okay and get a little glimpse of hope and give something a try if you can't try therapy give journaling a try if journaling is not working give meditation a try if meditation is not working give exercise a try if exercise isn't working give just going out to a coffee shop and reading a book a try do different things try everything your mental health is so so so damn important and there are a million different options that's why i'm here at this channel to give you options what i always say is i don't care what you do just do something all right but anyways again um give therapy a try if you can what i try to say is i don't care how you get therapy just give it a try best things you could do talk to your doctor see if they can recommend anybody talk to your insurance provider see if they can recommend anybody in your network you can go to psychology today look up therapists in your area who specialize in different things the other thing is my channel is supported by better help online therapy so if you want to give that a try Tristan uses it i have a bunch of friends who use it link is always down in the description sometimes in the pinned comment give that a try just try something all right but anyways that's all i got for this video if you like this video please give it a thumbs up if you're new make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell all right and a huge huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on patreon you are all amazing if you would like to get access to exclusive stuff like extra videos q and a type stuff all that click or tap on that patreon icon right there all right thanks so much for watching i'll see you next time