 Bless tribe Tony Gaskins here a now. I got the queen. Let me get this Can y'all hear me where everybody at where y'all coming in from Got the Queen here with me now. Listen, I'm nervous. Okay I'm nervous. This is my wife first time joining me on a live so Can y'all see us and hear us? Can you hear us? Make sure you can hear us. Hey, okay, you can hear me now. Listen now this McQueen on quarantine Now when we get out of quarantine She could take it to another level on y'all, but I'm gonna excuse the quarantine I want to bring on ain't got the ball. Is it wasn't it right there? Yeah, I gave that one the Joe running get one of us. I Got red shorts on go under the table for me to get it. Where is it? I got pants on Books it's some books right out there. I'm all right. I'll get it. Where is it? It might be out there. It's it's some right out there in that box. Okay, I'll get it But not that we need it. I mean everybody know what it looked like, but Y'all hold on the queen getting the book. I had a book today, but But my barber came and cleaned me up a little bit But uh We were safe. He had on masking gloves Is it on the floor right there? Oh, I just looked in the box today I can see no, oh all the boxes right there stacked up with a top one. Okay Hey, y'all forgive me. Let me uh Check and see if it's that I doubt it though because that looked like it was from My wife was looking for a copy of the book Thanks to everybody who got a copy of the book already. I heard some great feedback Yeah, this her this this chair come from her dining table Fati on you. God bless you The queen getting us a book so y'all give me a second Now For those of you who's never been on the live This my wife First time coming on the live with me. Baby. This your first time on live in huh This her first time on the live And so I'm nervous awesome You gotta know what you find us So this our new book for those of y'all who don't know Just came out today something to read while you on lockdown So now we're gonna take some questions in a little bit but to be honest with you I have questions for my wife that I wanted to know here go keely now see But I'll tell you about keely who come in and bless me every time I come on here Thank you So baby now What why did you take So long to come and grace the people with you That come out and support me in this journey Um, I just I'm like I'm cool with being behind the scenes and I don't like I feel like I have to force it or try to come Feel the shine or you don't want to be a speaker um Not saying I'm not opposed to it, but it's like I feel like in the right time in the right season I'm not like oh, I have to do it because you're doing it right now whenever god opens that door naturally then You know, but I have kids and I'm focused on them right now And but I mean if you know the opportunity where to present itself. Okay, but I'm not gonna be like Kind of be like both of us gone both of us traveling You know, I don't know. I haven't like proved myself in that way or something, you know Now what book is this what book is this for me? Do you know? No, I don't know like a lot this probably Might be my 15th or 17th book and we wrote this one together now So in each chapter she added a couple of pieces in there to be honest with you. I have not read her part Do you believe that I believe it you read my part though, right? Yeah She had to read mine to respond. I'm a little scared to see, you know, what she said in there because Oh, so let's let's address the audio book thing real quick. So if you get the audio book You'll hear Tony's recording and I was supposed to record my parts But because of like covet and everything getting shut down I wasn't able to record it because it happened around that time. So just so you know, it's not my voice But it's still yeah, I see someone just asked that Um, but it's still my words just someone else has to record it because all the studios are shut down and I'm not trying to get covet so Yeah, right. Yeah, I keep saying that but like you have to understand the situation and so This uh, Jesse she Jesse wrote man. I told her that Yeah, it's just the situation. Yeah, the studio was shut down when it was her her time Honestly, I'm gonna blame the the publisher because we wanted them to We wanted to push it back a little bit because thank you for the eyebrows, you know, they're they're hanging on Now see these eyebrows. This is one of my specialties. Okay. This is a little bit what I do And see what I do Now what I do here nothing he does nothing is I actually had to sit and like pluck them today because they're looking a little rough and That is really painful. Just a little something I do on the side. Okay, so what I do is I I pluck with a special Way So when you need me, you not be full of That's my 53rd stream of income. Okay. All right moving on. Now, let's address this okay How many years we've been married? How many have we been married 13? I'm asking you. I know I know I got it. How many years we've been married 13. Okay. Just had an anniversary What's what's our anniversary date? Yeah, what is it? March 30th? I know I know too. I'm asking you March 30th Now see Do you believe Now you didn't know about my full past right when I met you right Why didn't you ask me about my full past? um because I knew if I knew your past that I probably wouldn't have dated you and To be honest, it doesn't really matter because every like if you ask the guy's past nine times He's not going to be honest anyway. So it's like You know, because I'm like, oh, yeah, I slept with a thousand women and I can tell you that so It's like I'm not even gonna give you the opportunity to lie And then if I did know your truth, I probably don't want it Well, people ask for questions that ask questions. They don't actually want me to know the answer to Did I did I get you a number? No I didn't get you a number No, not until you wrote your first book and then I started hearing all these interviews and I'm like, okay So a lot of people they always say well a lady said to me today Uh, you were your wife got with a man who had been messing around and all of that Yeah, or he'll go a question right here. How did we meet two different stories, right? Two different stories. So we actually met In the mall. No, no, and but she said no, so The mall was after we had a right already met Right and but see this is the thing when I met her at the apartment complex. I didn't know it was her I didn't know the same person that I saw in the mall, right? So that's that's let me know that was God. Yeah, so I was um, we lived in the same apartment apartment complex When we were in college and I was on crutches He was on crutches because I used to run track and college was on crutches and he uh, I was Walking into the apartment with my roommate Yeah, you looked the six three because the crutches was under your arm on five ten. So I'm like, yeah And what I said y'all So I think he might have asked my number or something and I think he said like no, whatever Then he went and asked for my roommate's number Okay Whatever bad what it was bad. So I said, uh Hey, do y'all got a boyfriend? And then she was like what you said I got a boyfriend Yeah, I was like, you know, and I was like, what do you got a boyfriend? Cause look, I think either one of y'all hot mess hot mess Hey, that was bad boy, but then I was in the mall And I was walking through the mall Didn't have any money and I said Um That look like a Puerto Rican Puerto Rican And I say I ain't know but they didn't know Puerto Rico now So I said, let me go over here and see if I could Fake like I'm buying some of this jewelry. She was selling jewelry and let me tell you I 100% knew he was not gonna buy anything. So um You got you got here late. So I just we like we just said that I didn't know he was a player like when I met him She didn't know I was a player Yeah, I ain't tell all my business now. She found out when when I published my book. She read my book Now when I walked up to At the mall I said, man, this is a pretty woman here. So I'm thinking You know, I still was a grown boy And I'm faking like I wanted to buy some jewelry, right, which I knew you weren't gonna buy any and then I shot my shot, you know Got a phone number We met up talk. How long was our first? No, we talked like on the computer and like text for a while I was my I am name I don't know job What? So you weren't into me. No, I mean it's like you you was a friend, but I was you weren't into me Oh Absolutely I'm hurt Do you remember my I am yeah rim rocker 89 Oh Well, that's good. Well, I have a name with rim rocker 89 because she wanted to dump Yeah, I thought that I could dunk so I did like a million calf raises in high school She used to try to play basketball. No, I didn't okay. All right. I used to play basketball So I I tried and you playing. Yeah, okay. So basically anytime I've seen you play basketball currently It's not pretty so I already explained that to you Okay, I don't like to hurt people feelings. So when I play basketball now, I take it easy because I don't want no He's aka out of shape. I don't want to hurt anybody feeling because I'm I try to be a humble guy So now this is a question now Did you have any clue That I had been a player in my past when you met me. Um, I mean I didn't you didn't tell me but I mean that's majority of guys like at that age like that's what You know guys are doing but I know the full extent of anything like I ain't tell her and my number was five if somebody asked me my number, it was five Because I just felt like oh, that's a decent little number Merlin god bless you part of life Did god tell you he was your husband if so in what ways did god speak to you about him? um so I think it was more of a thing like If you're like praying is that you kind of like no or you have a feeling that this could be the right person You know, so I think we talked the first time we talked we talked for like Six hours, maybe by the pool outside not in my house outside by the side On the hard hard bench we sat for six hours and talked and I left the conversation saying like okay. Wow, this could be Someone I could marry and I had bench print in my booty Bench. I mean booty was so Yeah, and now what you said not to tell me what you said about me. Oh gosh. I said that you know Okay, I left the conversation saying okay. This is someone that I could marry Oh, that's what you said. Yeah, who you told that to my roommate at the time But I did break up with him after that so Like short not like right away. How long was that about? Two three months. Yeah, probably so and why did you break up with me? explain this um because you're being like really kind of controlling and like Kind of going off in text and it's like it was a red flag and I didn't like it and I didn't feel like we was um They want your cash out Well, you can cash out to him, but put my name in the comment. So, I mean the in the cash Um, but you you were like texting like where are you at? And if I like answered or didn't answer right away or Um, you know all that and I was like, okay. No, you got time for it So I just went ahead and let him go like I was trying to be I was trying to be controlling Right, and I guess he thought I might think that's cute, but I did not I was like, yeah No, just like if I tell you I'm somewhere and you don't believe it then that's Like not my issue. So yeah, I was trying to like what I did and I put this in my book called Hill before you deal. I didn't heal. No, so I was in a toxic relationship for two years before her So I tried to bring that same energy, right and she was like you see you later. Yeah Now when you left me Was it a break? Was you planning on coming back? Was you expecting me to chase you? Um, no, none of you above like I mean because I think that You kind of what did you say when you left? I think I just text you was like, listen You're asking way too many questions. Um, we were like fresh, you know, maybe a couple months of dating and I kind of was just like Uh, it wasn't anything rude. It was anything to me. I kind of just said like, you know I just maybe we just need to we don't like work together because I just I don't really I wasn't used to that and I wasn't gonna be answering 50 questions about going to the mall or So you just were willing to walk away from me. Yeah, because I mean you just been to let me go Yeah, a good man Yeah, you were the command. So now hold on. I didn't hear what you said because I I'm looking at her in the cameras y'all. So I know y'all might think I'm reading your comment, but She's just looking so good right here because see we on this hill lockdown So she ain't really got to dress up to also. I'm just looking. Oh, thank you, Mary Thank you. I got my book today so I can get started. God bless you Oh, I might have sent a bless in Hey, God bless you poor Please don't let this be your one and only chat with gaskins. Okay. I'll try to do it more often So now what we're gonna do being that we're in this situation right here on lockdown with y'all blessing us Thank you You know, we ain't actually to do that, but I appreciate it. So what we're going to do tonight Anything that come in I'm gonna I'm gonna bless her with it so that she could Pay me for my services doing her brows and nails and things of that while we in this situation Because she can't go to the nail place and all that. So so you're doing my nails for me. Yeah, so thank you My nails are grown out. He's not doing anything. So it's not even Look at this. She would you get all your wisdom from about me and explain this to me Um, I don't know if it was like that I had this like big manual of It wasn't about my wisdom about men. It was more so about how I thought about myself and like What I thought like men were so I never was like, oh, I'm desperate for this guy or I can't wait to be in a relationship or Um, I'm looking for my husband blah blah blah. I was like, okay, if a man is there that looks like he's a good person Okay, great. But if not, I'm cool too. I think that's like the perspective people have that's wrong Is like they're so desperate that they act out of desperation Like I left someone that would turn out to be my husband not knowing if we'd ever talk again But I was okay with that because I was like, I don't like the feeling that I'm getting in this Like situation. So I think it's more so about what I knew about myself versus what I knew about a man not telling what you said to me that little line about accessory Yeah, so I always thought of like I was never a big dator like in high school or even college is very Because I always thought of men as an accessory not a necessity Right. I'm like, what? So that's how I operate it. I was like, okay. Well, you know, I didn't like that text I didn't like how you spoke. So let's just chill out. Like it's not I didn't You know, I was never like the I was like what accessory A man ain't no necessity. Yeah, so it's like if you're in much of closet You're in much of closet like your man is like your nice handbag, but you could take it off the handbag and the outfit still looks cute That's how it does that way work You need to stop that 13 years Now you're an accessory. Now you could be like a t-shirt, you know, like a basic white tee, you know, like that kind of thing Let me see the question here. Hey, let me go back to AE AE. God bless you. God bless you Yeah, thank you. She didn't ask the question. So thank you. Appreciate that. See this question Okay, so read it out loud just in case okay So hey sherry, how did you identify that tony had the ability to be the god-fearing man that you wanted in life? So when we talked for that six hours, right? I didn't My point in the conversation wasn't to tell him all the things I required from him or Everything about me. I let him talk like he talked the whole time So I got to see like his heart and kind of like the things that he morally stood for We talked about everything from like christianity to like just every like every basic thing you could think about So I think sometimes we like get caught up in talking so much and expressing like what we want or What we want in our life instead of listening So if you listen you get to see like the true character of someone So in that conversation I heard a lot of what I wanted to hear from him and you can't make some of that stuff up like Like knowing certain pastors that I knew were just different things So I think it was more about like listening like take the time let them talk and in that moment you'll hear Like what you you know, what you want to hear if you're looking for it I'll tell my wife. I'll be like listen And you talk there so when I be on the lie they be having me feeling like a dancer with these blessings coming in Say no god bless you. I'll bless you party. You like nah I'm not I'm kind of listening to my wife talk. I don't get to hear her talk like this often Y'all got to realize this her first time going live with me So now I'm listening to her. I'm like do I learn from her or she learned from me Because I be saying the same thing Let me see God bless you. God bless. Let me see. So see the one that come up right here. Okay. It's right. Yeah Uh, it was kind of a random like encounter kind of thing Like he was writing me about his friend being in town or something and wanted to I don't know something like that was like very random. I think it was like months later We hadn't said like one word to each other like we had six months. Yeah six months. We hadn't like Literally hadn't spoke to each other at all. I think you wrote me on like instant messenger On the computer or something asking about like his friend was coming in town and my roommate want to like Hang out with him or something like that and end up falling through and we met up and we sat outside of my house On a picnic table and talked like it was always put me all the way back outside of my house He's never in my house. It was always on a bench probably uncomfortable, but I didn't care so and and uh When I when I tried to Grab my little Buddha She grabbed my hand pull it back up. Yeah, I tried to get my little kiss on the lips She turned her face. I had a kiss on the cheek of the forehead I was like, wow Yeah, hey god bless you CC god bless you Y'all are such a beautiful couple. This is what real love looks like. Thank you queen to pop up more Hey god bless you I got to pay her appearance fee to come on here But this is the thing She really focused on family. Yeah, she really focused on family and she She'd be buying boys and we got two sons. That's why I was at 9 15 That's why I was at 9 15 I had to make it 9 15 because I know they got to do that nighttime routine They come give me my hug She take them in the room say a prayer with this one go in the other one room say a prayer with him So I knew 9 15 because you know in the situation they go to bed a little later What is this? Did he show interest in you and ask questions about you when you first started dating? Um, yeah, of course. Like I mean, I wouldn't have Continued if it was like just all about him but what I need is that I just let him have time to talk because What will happen when a man gets to talk that much? They'll either like show you the person you want to be with or they'll hang their own self So now somebody talking about I'm glowing now. This is my faith moisturizer. Okay Never burst around because you don't even smile this much. Let's just you know You know, I my whole life I I didn't smile for 32 years Then I started smiling at 32 but when I told her That she was gonna make me smile just because you know I've been that I've been at this since 2007 and she's been supporting me So it's like bring your wife to work day for me. So, you know, it just feel good Tony at what point did you realize she was your wife to be honest with you the first time we talked? It was six hours. So when I got up, I called my mama My my homeboy and I thanked my sister and I said Hey, I just met my wife and the reason why Is that the face you're looking at me look felt a little stank? But the reason why was because We talked for six hours and she could talk about everything And what I noticed was when I got up close to I'm like, okay She take care of herself. Stephanie. God bless you. God bless you poor out in our life She take care of herself and she was She was emotionally intelligent. She didn't debate. She didn't want to argue like I could have said something Maybe she disagreed with but it's like why argue with a stranger? So she sat and she listened and so it was like Emotional intelligence and she could talk about anything. We talked about politics We talked about sports. We talked about religion. We talked about school college dreams hopes everything And so I was like man it wanted to go they wanted really know how to hold a conversation without trying to dominate the conversation Right. Hey god bless you all point out blessing now y'all about to help me Quarantine radio nine what they had the block I saw the day Absolutely not Jacqueline god bless you. I love you both. I will be picking up my book at Barnes and Noble tomorrow Also, now see you were done reading question. Yeah, my wife she read six 600 words a minute. So whenever we read something I'd be like up here and she'd be down here That she's saying thank you. I ain't know what you're saying. Thank you for a 25 year old I would say you have plenty of time and so you don't have to rush anything So I think in being 25 you can be patient and you can see red flags and let people go So you don't have to act in a sense of desperation 25 You got plenty of time work on yourself if someone falls in your lap that seems like mr Right. Okay, great. But if not keep moving until Until you know now what's our mr Right because I fell in your lap somebody asked what how old were we when we met Hey now hold on. Who's that girl you finally make sure this a woman. Okay And why about to come get your boy? Hey I told y'all but shana did we tell shana? Yeah, we did. God bless you shana pull out of your life Let me see this here Oh kind of in the house God bless you. Um honesty is the best policy shari So shed some light on how you got through knowing you might not see tony again after you let him go split question sharen Don't be angry like you weren't described. I I mean to be honest, I really wasn't like Because okay, here's the thing if someone is exhibiting like red flags and signs that they could be controlling which then leads to abusiveness like You shouldn't feel distraught about that like you lose no sleep Absolutely not but I'll walk about your life. I I pushed you out my life. You didn't walk out So the thing is like you can't lose sleep over someone that isn't healthy for you You could like you just like who I dodged a bullet amen and keep on moving like, you know God bless you. Jill. See these right here. Sometimes they'll disappear like on the watch. I try to God bless you. You're welcome You read the whole question. Yeah, I didn't get to read it all So thank you for bringing your wife to work today. Okay. God bless you, lady. And you're reading too fast now. You need to slow down and read Thank you. Helen. God bless you. Oh now what this? Yeah, that's a pound Euro I just completed chapter one of the 72 hour rule What struck me was the fact that you were willing to walk away from a marriage What made you believe he would act on your stipulations after then revert to his old age God bless you. Um, the thing is people I think people ask this a lot Like how do you know they'll come back? You don't know like You don't know like you may walk out and it may not work out But if it doesn't work out then it's not meant to be you just have to be okay with that Like I feel like people leave and then they're like waiting by their phone and they're like so desperate for the person You have to leave because you love yourself Not because you want to prove a point if you're gonna leave to prove a point then don't leave You're just setting yourself up for failure leave because you're completely 100% okay with your decision to be by yourself Then if you leave and they don't call you you're completely fine You're going about your day like when we were dating or even when we were married But most when we're dating If I was like upset if I wasn't if I told myself I wasn't gonna talk to him I would literally put my phone under my bed and continue about my days. There was no temptation. There was no Like, you know, I didn't even see his calls. He would call 100 times. That's what you used to do Put it under my bed. It was under your bed under my bed. So you weren't even looking at it. No Why Don't take that as like, oh, I'm leaving to prove a point or I'm leaving to do this If you're doing that and that's the wrong reason leave because you deserve better You want better and you're okay with it not working out. I didn't know who's gonna come back That was not the intent and I wasn't actually intending on him to come back Any advice for a 27 year old mom of two separated of her husband not gonna work out between us I would say that Be thankful that you learned early on like that he's not a good person for you And you're really young you have plenty of time to find someone else But work on yourself and this time spend time with your kids and just build yourself a backup so that you can um, be ready when the time comes again, but If you're leaving him, then it's obviously for a good reason and be okay with your reasoning Hey, I am queen. She is the brains of the operation that you're getting out of hand Getting out of hand She is though Dorothy. God bless you. Thank you for that now Somebody ask something Now two bella got something going on. I keep saying two bella and now I see two bella. Remember, I'll tell you two bella caramel Kisses and share they got the ability to block people Mute people And y'all know I'm played by the queen now. So anybody get out of pocket and troll a block or spraying your thong I'm actually not a big talker more listener. So I was dating this guy that told me I'm too quiet So he stopped dating me, but I'm thinking isn't that the point of relationship to cultivate each other and strengthen each other In the areas that are weak Am I wrong? Yeah, hey, God bless you. She needs. Thank you for that blessing. That's a huge blessing Babe, what you've got to say to that about cultivating because I'm she actually is quiet like she wasn't talking And then she's like, oh Like she wasn't talking and then she was not the world's greatest communicator Like when we would get into a real conversation She'll shut down a lot of times now now how you got through that how to do I think just time and I think that any person you're dating should understand that as You're like as you feel safer with them you open up a little bit more As the time progresses. So that person that left you wasn't for you You'll find someone that like sees like hey, yeah, you might be quiet But as I love her and show her she's safer. This is a safe place She'll continue to develop into a more talkative person. You'll be able to open up more So it's okay that person um Left they weren't they weren't for you and as you feel more comfortable You will be more vocal and um be able to talk more and open up to that person because you'll feel safe You obviously didn't feel safe there and it wasn't your safe place and that's okay You just move on and find someone else who can give you that safe place Who taught you all this? Do you be listening to me? No I'm like girl you gonna point it in huh All the four god bless you god bless. That's what yeah Queen gaskins, what advice will you give for a 30 year old single mom who wants to marry a godly man? I can trust with my child be very patient your kids are Honestly the most important thing so You have to take your time and don't Introduce them to your kids. You let like you let a good amount of time So you can see everything the good and the bad all those little things that kind of like after the honeymoon phase kind of come out You wait for all of that and You also let them feel that your child is a priority So if they say let's go on a date and you're like you got your kid needs to be in bed at nine You say no, sorry Da da da so that they can understand that's your priority at the moment And you'll find someone that can appreciate that that respects that and that will be great to burn out your kids But you just have to be really patient and not be in a rush Don't act out of desperation your child is first and then that person you meet will always be second Queen charie, who was your main influence as a young woman before you met tony? um, I would say my mom For like dating my mom was a tough cookie. She's like her traditional Jamaican woman and I wouldn't say like I was like Looking at my mom for relationship advice. I just think that her strength And just life like the struggles and everything the strength that she had kind of just carried over In ways I didn't really realize until I got into relationships And I just always saw her function with or without a man And so I kind of realized you'd be all right. If you gotta be by yourself You do you got to do you work two jobs you do you got to do and if you got a man, okay great, you know Jessica t god bless you god bless you be blessed gaskins tony. I love your channel Now you still read fast You want me to pretend? Yeah, let me get to the end Bianca god bless you Okay, you read that one narcissistic ex left me has given his life to christ and I see has changed taken back Say no or take things slow. I mean I can't tell you whether to take someone back or not. That's totally on you, but if you do Um, definitely take it very slow because everyone can put on an act for like Three months to a year. So if after six months He's still that same person a year like you let him pass all those benchmarks before you give him a hundred percent floor make that man work a year Absolutely But at least for sure like people can always act for like three to six months They can always put on an act and then you'll start to see small things And as soon as you start to see red flags you need to let it go So don't like give those red flags grace like, okay No, you already left him one time so as soon as you see things that remind you of that old person All right, because everybody finds christ in their break, but they don't really find them So you got to make sure that he actually found him all right Shannon god bless you now. Shannon got a bag on her nice. You keep popping in the vrp line Um, so I I do I have coached a few people. Um, right now. I'm not just because with being home I gotta like Teach my five my six year old and just a lot going on So I don't really have the time during the daytime if you like follow me instagram You probably see it's pretty busy, but um after this period I probably will start coaching it'll be very limited just because of the time And I'm not willing to like give all of my time to it But um, so yeah after we're not on quarantine anymore and the kids are on a regular schedule Then I will open up some sessions. So we'll post about it when it's open Let me see. Misha god bless you I have a hard time being confrontational letting things build up cut people off when I feel wrong I know this will be unhealthy in a relationship advice um It's kind of difficult. So I kind of am similar in that sense like I I've done that like with friendships. I've done that in a lot of relation Like in a lot of different relationships not even just like dating when I feel like You're not treating me right. I will but I think it's a pro anicon Like it can help you in relation because you'll be tough You'll be strong But you have to find that person that allows you to soften up just a little bit and the right person Will soften you up. You'll rely you won't even realize you're softening until it happens. So I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing because it'll give you kind of like that filter filter out foolishness Am I on the right question? Yeah, that was that one. Yeah Red women's influence today did 95% like surey. He still left four days after abortion now He's with the CPA director. I'm a designer my job money status the problem. He's a lawyer Um, no your job probably isn't the problem. He just wasn't 100% committed Like so often I think women are like, well, what did I do wrong? Like you don't have to have done anything wrong He could have just not been really committed and saw the next thing that was walking and then left And and that's okay Like you just got to understand that and not blame yourself move on and understand that you got bigger and better coming Because if you can't cry over spilled rotten milk So like if he was a man that left you and he's no one to waste your time even thinking about like move on Someone else is better out for you and you just dodge the bullet So not just spill milk spill rotten right milk, right tt. God bless you Redeem god bless somebody asked me a question here Oh here go Wow these things piled up y'all y'all forgive me. Hold on. Okay. Let's go a little faster Broke up March 31st. He's birthday is the 9th and mine the 15th should I reach out and wish my birthday? Just go about my day. Uh go about your day, hun If y'all broke up keep moving because then he knows you're thinking about him and it gives that door open to communication No, he don't deserve a birthday wish Let me tell y'all what I'm gonna go and retire and let her take over then I take care of the kids I can do what you do. No our kids would be failing in school. Absolutely not Thank you. T. S. God bless you Sarah Dominguez, um So I'm okay. So I'm not a doctor But thank you for thinking that I am but no I did like the first year of like a master's program My first year med school program and then I we had our son and he was a creamy baby And I chose to take care of him because I couldn't do both He came with a nikkus there for four months And then I just realized that wasn't where God wanted me to be at the moment but um It's all a balancing act and you just put your priorities first and whenever your priorities may be at the moment Is what you take care of first This is a good question. Yeah um No, somebody asked me what made me stop chasing other women And she just was everything. It's like when you find that thing you have no reason to keep looking So I found a woman who loved God a woman who Knows how to express herself in a conversation know how to hold a conversation. She's respectful. She's kind She's loving she's ambitious So it wasn't looking like she wasn't looking for a meal ticket She wasn't trying to get on her back to keep me She wasn't willing to put up with whatever I wanted to give her and it just was like Out of by this time when I met her She probably was like the hundred and thirty of women that I had dated And because I've been dating since 15 and I was looking for my wife and when I met her She literally was in a class of her own because every other woman had something that was like, you know They would settle They would bring their past into the present and it would be too prominent and I literally honestly was looking for a woman who Could call me out hold me accountable And because I wanted better, but every woman I met they would Reinforce my grown boy behavior And that's why I titled this book a woman's influence because it was her influence I wanted to do better, but it was her wanting And holding me to it. Jacqueline. God bless you Can you both Okay, maybe not enough. Yeah, it was a lot up there now See which one you want to address Do is Do you feel your marriage is strong due to many similarities y'all have or You because you both compliment each other's weaknesses We're actually completely opposites in a lot of ways. Um, so some of those things like We balance each other out because of our differences like if he says he likes this kind of food I would eat the completely opposite thing. Give us some examples of that. How are we completely different? Um Just an everything she could eat like she want to eat a bowl of vegetables She want to eat a bowl of vegetables and he wants ribs and macaroni or some papas, right? Right. So he's allowed to have papas once a month She like her some fiction books and like the what's that podcast that's about crime and stuff, right? And all I want to do is listen to some you know something or and she is very outgoing So like she like roller coasters, right? I jumped out of playing for her. I jumped out of playing 14 000 feet I'm on the plane. We up there. I look on the sign and they say no flagellants I said, baby, what's flagellants and then what's flagellants? No passing gas. I'm like, oh, that's why I felt in my stomach. I was getting ready to let it go But I jumped out of playing 14 000 feet skydive to show her How much I love her because me I like to stay on the ground I like to walk She likes to get on roller coasters. This is our 8th anniversary, do you remember? 8th anniversary now So she's gonna play at 8 different. So it was yeah, it was eight different things and each of them had like a clue And this one was like, what was the clue? You know, we're gonna fly like, oh, no, you'll have a bird's eye view And as soon as he guessed it, he was like, oh lord And got me jumping out of playing. I'm like, ain't the anniversary about me too? Yeah, it's a mix some things were about you some things were about me And I mean, I ain't had no life insurance at the time. So I knew it was just about love Callous milk. God bless you. Listen to the book today. Great work. Thank you Cherie apart from your daily devotional with God. What else did you do to grow and improve yourself love? Um So I think it's a lot of like yourself talk what you listen to what you speak to yourself also like When in our marriage like when we had difficulties or issues or things like that When we talked I would take whatever We talked about and like find the good in it and make the growth in those areas But um, I think it's just always seeking and wanting to be better So if you know, you have an area that you can work on and it's then Wanting to seek growth in that area and being honest with yourself I think so many people feel like oh, well I'm God's gift or whatever the case might be that you have no areas of improvement But you do and we all know the areas that we lack So it's just being honest to yourself and then making an effort a conscious effort to grow in those areas But I also think it was just my outlook on relationships and how That even if I didn't think I was like oh the prettiest girl in the world I feel like I still deserved someone that treated me that way And you as a beautiful most beautiful woman in the world. Thank you. Thank you. Oh my god I'm gonna tell y'all do y'all think it's a horrible idea for me just to focus on me But have a guy for when I want some attention because it seems when I get into something I put too much into it and get dried. So I'm just ready to be standoffish It's not about being standoffish. Now, you're gonna need a co-decession Susby because this is your third question up here in the vip. Now God bless you But you're gonna need your co-decession. Definitely some coaching But then the day you can't you can't play with fire because If you bring someone in your life just for attention It's gonna backfire you in every time So if you're gonna work on yourself then work on yourself with nobody else involved You shouldn't need a man for attention during that time So you gotta gotta be you gotta be on one side of the fence The Lord's God bless you Poor little life Married five years, not at church, but haven't been since move. What does that mean? He doesn't contribute She haven't been since she moved Oh, okay He doesn't contribute to house is mean disrespectful Refuses counsel been sleeping in different rooms for for two years Fam says I need to get back in God's grace to fix marriage. What's your opinion? Stay or go If he's being disrespectful to you and doesn't want to get help then I feel like now I'm not telling you to do but if it was me And then he's not trying to love you and he's not trying to grow on your in your marriage And they've been sleeping in different rooms for two years He's not interested in you anymore And there's no there's nothing it has nothing to do with you being in God's grace It's him not wanting to be in that relationship So I think if someone's being disrespectful to you and being mean to you then I wouldn't waste any more time there Somebody says you really talk fast. I do. I'm sorry. She does. I talk really bad And she talked like a blogger now when I met her We're in the South so she could talk a little hood So she put a little bit of the hood accent on So I was like, oh, okay, great. I didn't put on that's the that's the phase of life. I wasn't yeah She was a little more hood. Yeah, I mean I could beat now. I can see the making but And Indians are making so I was like, okay I ain't never met no Jamaican with Indian. So are these questions too? I see they but they appear They go across here. So they coming up here. They put them in there fast. Now when we got married. She put that She went to talking proper. I was like, hold on. I can mix it up. Don't get it twisted. Oh All right Guy I was getting to know God bless you telling would tell me he doesn't want me to leave passive aggressive about things and apologize It's too much. I cut it off and told him to work on himself and he always I write to say that Absolutely Hey, let me read the question because the way you read you read so bad I can't process what she said now. Let me read this question again. I already answered it Absolutely. Let me read the question again. You're never gonna answer any questions. Let me read it. Okay Guy was getting to know would tell me he doesn't want me to leave Okay, passive aggressive passive aggressive about things and apologize. It's too much I cut it off and told him to work on himself and heal Was I right to say that? Absolutely. That what you said. Yes, the same answer just taking forever But that's what you got that education Janelle. God bless you God bless you. I love the fact that you're so Smitten, I've never seen you smile so much. Hey, dr. Hargrave. God bless you dr. Hargrave Yeah, I'm gonna tell you now I love this one here now Summer god bless you advice for women late 30s early 40s still waiting on love The weight is hard no matter how positive you are the dating pool is small And time seems to be flying by how to cope with it may not happen Oh, I got to read again Now I'm gonna tell you now in in this work. Remember when you ask that question you what you got to ask yourself is What have you done? Have you written your book? Have you started your company? Have you started your nonprofit? Are you at your goal weight? Do you have your goals? And have you accomplished all your single goals? That's what you got to get to because if you're just sitting and waiting and you complacent the way it's going to be even longer And you want to attract the man that you need or deserve Chrissy god bless you Son's dad said he loves me is not trying to love another miss me But not the headache Told him well, you're not trying to get me back said that was not true not consistent with calls Chasing money He's not consistent because you're still there and he's able to reach you when he wants to reach you If you only talked to him about your son and showed him you were serious about moving on if he wasn't ready Then he would actually try to get you back if Um, he wanted to but you're still there so he can have his cake and eat it too Hey, we've got about 15 more minutes now Um, thank you guys for your open honesty and true self I signed up for the academy 10 steps to self love and the first two questions broke me I need coaching. I'm very grateful and humbled for y'all services. God bless you and thank you for that blessing You could go to my mentor dot life my mentor dot life. You may see it On here a little bit. Oh, no, we got about 20 more minutes because we started a little late God bless you more neat Let me see. How did you implement and enforce boundaries with tony? right away So Like just like I said, like when we had our first conversations, they were outside They were at the pool in public places at picnic tables and then the first time I let him come to my house and we were like watching a movie And I think he put his hand on my thigh and I took it off Then he put his hand on my thigh again. I took it off. I think it was the third time I was like, oh, you have to leave and it was like the middle of the night. It was dark outside And I didn't have a shirt on no more. No, I'm like, hold on girl I don't see these these eight pack I'm like, I'm up there. I'm making my chest jump girl. What you finna put me out now with all this head jumping and eight pack Now what you was up to? I just thought that was inappropriate and I had asked you to stop and third time's a charm Just like a child if I tell you three times. Yeah, you want this snicker bar? boy I'm like and that's what throw my tool because I'm like I have been out there. So Every woman was like They was just if you want to date whatever you want to do They was ready and when I met her I'm having to jump through fiery hoops. I'm like, what? So I'm like, wow. So when you meet somebody that's on another level I'm like, hey lord. Hey, there's my I done met my match now. I got to be here That's you What she said she'll sign up for a session. I have to work out before it's too much You'd pay for a session tonight. I know if you you'd pay for a session tonight Just pull it all up. You can afford a session Now what you did work out before so much we'll be on the phone for hours after all the things I've been through a I feel you but I was a long time to be honest with you. I was a long time Fatih God bless you Okay, you read it baby because I'm trying to keep up with you How do you determine whether you're settling or not? Sometimes you meet nice well I'm really in respect with people but you don't necessarily feel conviction in them being the one How to know when to move on um So the thing is you have to also check yourself and see what you're looking for to be the one So if they meet like when I said I met him and he was the one it wasn't because like oh he has the most money in the world or You know, he checks all these like physical things It was more about like his morals who he was as a person So I think a lot of times you're like, oh, well, is he six four? Or is he working this great job or all these different things and it just depends on what you're looking for So if you yourself are being You know Looking for the wrong things then every single person is not going to check any of those boxes So make sure you're looking for those right things that are going to actually matter in a marriage I'll try to read that question fast, but Love to see God bless your true healthy leaders letting God's word shine through you Come on comment. I didn't stand by my standards throughout relationship I love him and know my lack of self-love played in the failure of it How can I bring it to his attention that I'm operating from self-love now? Uh, you you can't like you you can't operate out of self-love for him You got to operate out of self-love and continue to move on with your life And if it comes back full circle, okay, great, but it's not your job to go and point it out to him That just is desperation you gotta if you truly love yourself then you don't go back You move forward and understand like yes, it was a mistake and but everything happens for reason God bless you to make it in the house. Okay Don't get it twisted now. This is the awesome chat tonight. You guys are so full of sugar and spice and all things nice. Thank you Thank you Son is a little Do you son is little that's for you because I don't know what they're raising. Is this is their little lesson? Yes. Yes. Yes um Yes, I do recommend that course for your son Sri, how do you describe letting a man lead in love? Do you know what that means when I say that do you ever hear me say that every now and then but you can talk about it a little bit now um Leading in love like letting the man love you like this chapter memo on chapter 10. You ain't having to say it first when they say you love you so actually it's really difficult for me because I In our marriage or just always growing up I've always been very independent and like take care of myself like I'm we were first married and I like I didn't ask him for anything I didn't Like I guess a really difficult thing for me. So it took time um to be like to be able to get things and They don't bless with a with a that's a nice blessing up them and that's the use that you give it to me That's how they blessed it so Yeah, I'm gonna have to read me. Okay. Anyways, so, um I mean this train of thought but I think it just takes time and as I feel like a dancing It'd be like Ooh, I'm gonna be going with savage. Yeah, the money's gonna go down when you start dancing because that's not the skill that they come here for. Yeah, this is it. But I think it just takes time and it made me lose a train of thought for all you do. Let me look back. Hey, I'm gonna be the renegade, the savage, you and me. Okay, and look, I tried to get him to do a TikTok with me and he refuses. So y'all tell him to do a TikTok. It would be hilarious. Yeah, he doesn't do a TikTok. My husband, I just split up and I feel that's messed up with COVID. He's supposed to be the head of the house. It's been prextured, hard and depressing. Should I fight or be patient, any advice? Well, if he's split up with you, there's something to fight for. Like you can't make someone stay that doesn't wanna be there. So you gotta understand and respect his decision and keep moving and act like he's not there and you just gotta figure out how to get it on your own. And you can, you know how to say it will be okay. It'll be rough at first, but you'll be okay. She talking about the club. I tell you about my club for couples. Then I'm gonna do, I told him about my club on my bill for couples. You gonna let me do it? We'll talk about it later. How do you get past loneliness while waiting? I know we say prayer or hobbies, but once you finish your prayer workout, then you still wanna companion. And you have to understand it's gonna be a real feeling that you feel at times and that's okay, but there's always something else for you to work on. So whether that's, you know, just watching movie, hanging out with friends, like, you know, you're gonna feel that feeling, address it, understand it's real, but not let it consume you. Listen, listen, this one. Beautiful, did you leave him before after you were married the first few years of marriage? I heard it's tough. It is. Did you pray for him in specific to be the man he is today, or did he change on his own? That's a good question. So yeah, so I did leave him once when we were married. Our baby was in the NICU. And what NICU? Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, who was born three months premature. So I had to, I wasn't working at the time, I think it was in maternity leave maybe. So I did leave him at that moment and I left him prepared to like not come back and not be with him because he had went back to selling drugs and whatever and, you know, just acting fool. So I left him. And she told me, you know, goon. Right. Yee, that ain't you. I'm like, girl, hey. He wasn't. I'm a goon, I am, nah. Yeah, so I did. And yes, I did pray for him to grow in areas that I thought he needed to grow in. And I prayed specific prayers, like Lord, please help him to, you know, see his worth. I mean, there was some points where I was just like, Lord, help him not like just pray specific things you want to work on, maybe one thing a day and you just pray versus arguing with them. He would present an idea that I didn't like and I would pray that night that the Lord show him that idea was wrong. And then he would wake up like, oh, I changed my mind. I'm like, oh, okay, good. What you were doing? Yes. Praying against one. Because, you know, versus having an argument, like why argue about it? If I know it's wrong, I'll just pray like, Lord, show him the error and his ways. Okay, we fit the goal. See, I tell you, I got to learn about some of these secrets. I'm like, well, he praying against one. I already read that one. Okay, okay. Let me see. Y'all, we got about 15 more minutes, 10 more minutes, 10, 15 more minutes. It's a lot of little comments. So I'm trying to look for the question. Okay. Let me see what Keeley's saying. God bless you, Keeley. Thank you. Pour it in the light. Now, Keeley be blessed like that. I don't know. Keeley might be a secret. Me now. No, I can't do the TikTok. There's one right there. You keep skipping it. This one right here. Okay, what does it say? Had to leave husband been three months. He was disrespectful, held him accountable. He cheated prayer. Now he says, he kicked me out, but messages and calls and he denies talking to a woman now. But I know, oh, if he's messaging calling, you just block him for right now, you know? Because if he's not being a man he needs to be, he shouldn't even be able to reach you. And I promise you, Oh yeah, and I promise you in those moments of silence, that's when they decide to grow. When you cannot reach someone, when you physically, like when he cannot reach you through calling you 100 times, texting you 100 times, he will then realize either A, how much he needs you in his life or B, he'll move on and yours should be okay either way. That's in here. The 72 hour rule. I created 72 hour rule. I heard Drake on line of the line by 72 hour rule. He made it something else, but no, we both got 72 hour rule. I created 72 hour rule after, and when we was married, when she left me, she left for three days. And I was calling, calling, calling. I probably called 88 times because I saw that on a movie that a man called 88 times. I think it was more than that. So I probably called 88 times. And you have more than that? And now that I just found out nine, the phone was under the bed. So now I'm hot, okay? So in that time, it allowed me to go through a range of emotions. And I was coaching myself. So by the time she answered the phone, I was like, hey, what you need me to do? Empire State Building, I'm standing up there. Anything you need me to do, just tell me what you need. You got it. So that's what you really got to realize. Shanice, God bless you. God bless you Shanice. Tamika, God bless you. Y'all showing that. Now, hold on y'all. Just before everybody and before the Lord. We're going to have to come up with a new arrangement for the blessings that y'all said. No, see this, hold them accountable. Y'all said, he said he's going to bless me with it, so. Well, I'm going to tell you what. Okay, I'm going to charge you 250 to do your brows. First of all, if you don't do any of this. I'm going to charge you 75. Boy, five. Okay, anyways. 75 for your feet. You haven't done any of those things. Biting side 85. Go back to the questions, please. Let me see. Tamika, God bless you. Leah, God bless you. Her name is Leia. Leia, God bless you. Tony, no charge back. See, somebody put that. Thank you. Glad to have Cherie sharing with us. Titi, God bless you. God bless. Okay, don't nobody give that nothing. Stop being a hater. Boy, haters boy, I can't see you shine. Okay, God bless you. Let me look for a question. All right, we got about 10 more minutes now. Cause I can't hold the queen on here too long. Y'all know I do 90 minutes now, but I can't hold the queen on here too long. Boy, I'm finna try to read Nick on this. He'll bless you. See, Tony, don't be stingy. See? Y'all will bless him tonight. You gonna hold me to it. I am. What's both y'all Zodiac, God bless you. Let go together, Zodiac and God bless you. I don't know. We don't really do Zodiac signs. I mean, we don't really like pay attention to that, but. I'm a Libra. She a Libra. And you know what? All more broke up with her when I saw this, one of y'all little horoscope thing that y'all be putting out there. We grew up in a church. So you really don't read horoscopes in Zodiac when you grew up in a church. Cause you know, your parents be like, Hey, uh-uh. And so I saw this thing that said Libra and Pisces is like 50%, like 50% compatible. If I've ever read anything about it, like I'm like kind of that mixed like Virgo and Libra. Like I have a lot of Virgo traits cause it's early in the Libra section, but. Yeah, but we save and sanctify. Right. So at the end of the day, I don't think that really matters. And if y'all keep basing your life on that, you end up single forever. So. That is another thing too. What I tell people, don't get caught up in that, in that Zodiac and all of that. Cause you'll start to believe it. Right. And then you'll be like, Oh, someone touches us. They can't be my, whatever. And if I follow that, we wouldn't be together. Cause based on that, we're not supposed to be together. Right. And so another thing about that too is, you'll believe it. Marry and God bless you. God bless you. Now don't y'all get nothing else now. Cause she always getting beside herself. Bless you. Speak on how you being mean in the beginning of your marriage made Sheri be being in return. You see me now? Oh, I want to do them a voice. She adapted to the situation. Like she wasn't gonna be the type that just lay down and just let me be mean. So I felt like by me being kind of condescending and when I say mean, don't let your mind go too far. I just be kind of a little, let's, you know, attitude. Like, I don't know, I don't know. Like that. And it made her kind of like put a wall. So like I said, like your safe place. So at that time he wasn't my safe place. So I'm like, I'm not gonna let my guard down around someone that I don't trust to keep my feelings and everything safe. So as time grew on and then I could feel like that was my safe place. And I became more kind and like loving and opening up in that way. Keanu, God bless you. Read that baby. If you guys go back in time, would you have saved yourselves for marriage? Or do you feel like it's just that bump in the road that brought y'all close together and made you all grow after? Of course, like if you could go back, you would. Now to be honest, I feel like God knew what he was doing because had we not had little Tony, we probably would not be together. He was the thing that was like, okay, if I'm gonna give it a chance, it's for my like son and like his father. So I think God knew that we needed that in order for us to be in a place that we are because Tony also caused him to grow up and mature. Not that God knew. It was like, God took what the devil meant for evil and made it good. Cause we was in sin, but it was really because too, she wasn't raised to be like, her mama didn't talk to her about that. Right. So like he was like, you know, I fear Jamaican, you know, like it's just like, you don't talk about it and it doesn't happen. And you know that it is what it is. So you, I had to learn myself. So we're obviously better at educating our kids in that way. But yeah, you just didn't know anything. So I kind of learned and taught myself, which of course, if you're teaching yourself, you're gonna make mistakes. But yeah, do I think everything happens for a reason? Right, it worked out. But if I could, I would definitely. I would, I would wait too. I just was operating based on what society was saying a man should be. And to be honest, like I'm here today, like y'all see me. But when we met, there was- Someone said you better get for every penny of that money. So I'm just gonna tell you what it said. We'll tip back in with y'all on that. Okay. But when we met, it was nobody preaching abstinence. It was nobody, it was no young relationship coaches that you could look up to. Right. It wasn't even on YouTube. No. Was it? Or if it was, I wasn't watching it. You already said that one. Tamika, God bless you. Now who was this? Mibaka. Mibaka, God bless you. Thank you. I'll do no charge backs now. God bless you. Tony, what is your favorite character trait about Cherie? Exactly. God bless you. I'll be honest with you. I can't even pick one because it's like, I love her energy. You know, I love her intelligence. I love the way she think outside of the box. I love her emotional intelligence. Like she never yelled at me. She never cursed at me. She'll let me see her back walking out the door. But she's not the type of way she gonna set up and uh-uh-uh, come on, you know, hit me, hit me. She never liked that. And I just, I love just when we was flat broke, we didn't have no furniture in the living room. She still was all smiles. When we had the skip bills and stagger our bills. When we had the lights off or water off or car repossessed, she still was just, she never like, you ain't even no real man. You ain't this. And I just was like, this woman so, she was sent by God. I don't think it was all her. I really believe it was God that just say, look, this what I'm about to do with y'all. So I need you to be down for the call. Ten told down and he gave her the peace and the strength and the wisdom to where she need to walk away. She could walk away. Purity for kids. God bless you. God bless you. What did you say? Shari, this blessing is because you're the dedicated mom. It's the highest calling. Bravo. Thank you. I appreciate that. Cause people don't always acknowledge that. You're right. You're right. And I was trapped in society views thinking that old woman got to be this boss. Got to be doing all this traveling the world. Got to be a speaker with a husband. Got to be doing all this. And then it dawned on me in our marriage, like she doing the highest calling that you could do. Because it ain't about us. Now, once you have kids, it's about them. It's our future generation. It's about legacy. Yep. Hey, Lord, God bless y'all. Sending too many blessings. Do you think it means anything spiritual to see someone I dated everywhere in his name and his name isn't common? No. I think you just want to see it. Kind of like, you know, when you get a new car and you see that brand of car all the time, it doesn't mean anything. Is it God bless you? Read that joy of bless you. Shari, what advice would you give the 23 year old trying to pick the right career path? I'm not sure the career I'm in is what's best for me. I would definitely say listen to your heart and you have to just go with what you're good at. So identify your talents and find a career that aligns with that. I think being Jamaican, I get it that like, you're kind of, you know, certain careers are kind of like put in front of you and that's all you know. You're so excited to see what you're making. No, I'm saying because I'm Jamaican, I understand that. So I think that there's such an important thing in figuring out what you're good at and like what makes you excited and find that thing that makes you excited and pursue that. So and you got time, you got time. Like you can do what you wanna do right now to pay the bills, but still be seeking that future thing and it may be something that you do on your own and it may be working for someone, it doesn't matter, there's no right or wrong way. I'm a heart. Tony, can you speak about faithfulness in marriage? As a man, do you feel like man can settle down or do you think the old saying that a man will only be as faithful as his options is true? A man can settle down, but I honestly feel like his purpose has to be aligned. Like he gotta know what he's here for, what he's doing. And I never thought that I could be faithful, but here I am 13 years of marriage and we haven't had to go through like this knock down, drag out a fair of women calling her phone and all of that and she wouldn't have put up with it. Our first two years we were learning each other, getting to know each other, but I learned that I could be faithful. But at the same time, she helped me identify my gifts and my purpose. And so that's what really, in addition to me, loving her, I love God and soul. So it's bigger than just me. And that's the thing like, you've defined someone that has that moral compass, even if it's a little bit kind of like in the shelf needs to be dusted off, but it has to be there. You can't expect someone that's like, doesn't operate from that to be faithful to you because they respect nobody else on a higher power. The God is cave, God bless you. How did you open up to receive change and not keep walls up? X is making efforts to show he's changed but I'm still skeptical. I would like it to work. I know it takes two to move forward. I think it's important if it isn't X to keep walls up until you feel like it's genuine. But on the other side, if you cannot break those walls down with that person, then they're not supposed to be with him. So X is an X for a reason. Even though he's changed, it may not be enough for you. So identify if you can be in that relationship while being your true self. And if not, then there's no point to be in it because he will be frustrated with you and you'll be frustrated with him, so. How long have you been on here? I only said a minute. Yeah. How much longer you gonna do? I knew you'd be gone for a little longer. Miss Rachel S. God bless you. Seeing a guy 35, I'm 30, no sex. He has two kids, two moms. Naturally, I felt skeptical, but he is putting in the work. Our convos, no pressure for sex. Does this man deserve a chance? What should I be watching out for? I mean, yeah, because I feel like people make mistakes when they're younger. So maybe he's grown and maybe he's, come to a better place. If he's not pressuring you for sex, then that's a great thing. And I think you just have to be patient. Let him show you if he truly is that person. And as time will tell, because everyone can not press you for sex for the first few months. They're rather trying to court you, but see if he continues to be that same person of integrity. And if so, then of course he deserves a chance. I mean, why not? Tiffany, little God bless you. Shalita, God bless you. For all that I like. Thank you both for the awesome chat tonight. Hope this will become a regular thing. Hey, nah, I'm willing to have a on here whenever she'll be on here now. Tukey love, God bless you. Single for so long and loving my me time, but I feel like I'm too comfortable with being alone. I've dated, I haven't dated anyone in years. Any advice? You probably are, because it's been so long and you're gonna step out of your comfort zone a little bit, be okay to going places once we're allowed to. Going places where you can meet someone or bump into someone and just be open for the opportunity, because it won't happen unless you put yourself in a place that you are able to be reached. But it's okay to be okay being alone, because that way if you do meet someone, they're not the right person for you. You'll be okay with walking away. Can we skip one question in the green? Maybe just talk about the last one, this one. No, it's not a question. What's the person's name? Tulia God bless you. Did we miss somebody question up there? It could have disappeared, because sometimes if, like the big ones, they'll hold it up there. Admire your strengths, Mrs. Gaskins. How are you able to be so strong when you left Tony? So I think it's a balance of understanding why you're leaving that you have a reason and then also sometimes you gotta like even fake it till you make it. Like you may be hurt a little bit, or you may be bothered, but you have to just continue to speak to yourself and like remind yourself over and over again of why you're not there and then like why you don't want that person there and remind yourself that you're better than that and you deserve better. And I don't know, you just... It per se, do you tune into my videos and do you laugh at him all the time? Cause he is a part-time comedian, you see? I really don't tell jokes, you know? No, he's always being a clown. I don't see all of them. I see some of them cause he does film quite often. So I wouldn't be able to watch all of them, but I do see some of them and I hear them a lot of times when he's filming and I hear him filming and hear what he's saying. That where you get all your game from? No, sir. You get your game from me, you just don't wanna admit it. Well, no, no, no. You said I hear what he's saying and you kind of did it with this, like I'd be saying something, you don't improve. No, no, no, I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I would tell you if I didn't improve it. The eavesdropping? Yeah, I mean I'm not eavesdropping, you just talk about it. Oh yeah, God bless you. Thank you so much for allowing your husband to help us because whether we ladies understand it or not, that's a sacrifice for you as well. I really appreciate it. You're welcome. Talk about that sacrifice. How much of a sacrifice and how did you get to that place of being okay with letting me serve? I guess I've never been the person that needs like someone to be like up under them or something. Like, I don't know. Like people used to always ask me, are you okay? Cause he's traveled like a lot like all the time and they're like, how are you okay with him traveling? I'm like, that's his job. I got stuff to do. Like, I'm not like. Hey, so you want me to go home? No, but I want you more and I miss you, but I'm also not like, I can't function if you're not here. I got two children. I got top level. I mean, I thank you. It is a sacrifice, but I also, I mean. Don't sound like a sacrifice. Sound like he'd be here. No, I mean sometimes he's, you know, I'm here and I fall asleep before he gets out cause he'd be in here five hours doing a video. But you know where I be at. Miranda Jones, God bless you. You really better cut off it. Hello, I put my husband out due to cheating behavior. I told him he needs help. So I introduced him to Tony's YouTube and now he's asking, how can he get help? Let him sign up for some coaching. If he will do coaching and pay to get better then he's on the right track. If he won't do coaching, then he knows that he's just kind of pulling your leg and he's telling you what he thinks you want to hear. So email support at TonyAstens.com or look on my mentor. Dot, dot life, have him sign up for a coaching session and Tony will talk to him and then he can tell you if he's really seriously about change. A guy from my past wants to pursue me and I told him he needs to sign up for a coaching session with you and that is the only way I would consider giving him opportunity. He keeps being hesitant saying he doesn't need it. Well, he doesn't want to be with you then cause whatever your stipulation is, he should, if he really wants to be with you, he'll do it. You're right. Cause when she told me everything I need to do, you got to get coaching. My dad is a life coach and he's a pastor. So I ain't had the money. She let me sign up with him but she made sure I had to talk to him and he asked me to talk to him how to be a man. Cause he knew, even though he had made mistakes, she told him I got to get back in the church the next morning I was in the church and I was at the altar called. You hear me? The pastor put the mic in my face. God rest his soul. And I said, I was in the streets but now I'm in here. I want to rededicate my life. He said, you want to say anything young lady? And she said, I'm just up here to support him. And then what did you tell him? I got to get out the streets. So I call my home boys. I say, listen, I ain't coming to the club no more. And I can't be in the streets hustling no more. What? Man, you finna do us like that. For a woman, for old shit. I say, hey, bro, you ain't gonna see me no more. God bless you. Now they look at me today and they're like, whoa, that man made it because of that sacrifice. Sure you have how to interact with an emotionally abusive ex do I see at work, ignore completely or be cordial? When he says hi, do I say hi back or completely ignore? I never initiate the hi. So I, you're at work. So I would keep it civil, but no more than civil. So he says hi, you say hello. You hit him with the formal, we're not friends but I'm gonna say hello to you like you're a complete stranger. But I'm not gonna let you know that you're getting, like you're so under my skin that I have to ignore you. So he says hi, hello and keep it moving. She be listening to me, man. No, I don't child. You be eavesdropping. No, you want to think that, but no. How you know all the old cause how you got me will. How does one get to a place of emotional intelligence? How did you do that? Cause I be trying to get under your skin so I'm trying to see. I think it's that like I, no matter what's going on like I always immensely telling myself to stay cool, calm and collected. So I never let myself, no matter how much I want to I'm always like it's an internal thought like cool, calm and collected. He can be saying all kinds of craziness back in the day and I kind of just look at him, nod and keep it moving. And then I personally believe in killing someone with silence, then words. I'm gonna tell you, she crazy. That's why she got to be telling herself, you know. Cause honestly I always say it's like it's two things for me. It's like cool, calm and collected or prison for life. So I want to stay over here. So I say cool, calm and collected. And I mean that's what it is. See, love, God bless you. Thank you for being a great influence and aspirations in Tony's life story. He's a blessing to us. Much appreciation for walking in your purpose and helping Tony stay in his when he wanted to switch to something else. Thank you. I appreciate that, see. Poor out in our life. I tried to switch the business on y'all several times. Yeah, and I told him that. I'm still trying. I asked it the other day, can I open up a pizza shop? I wanted to open up me a Keto restaurant. And here's the thing. He went to open a pizza shop but don't know how to make pizza. It's like, so this is about like finding something that you're actually good at and not pulling that straws. Okay, go back to the questions because anybody asked about your other aspirations. I'm spending the time on y'all. Oh, that's awesome. Good job. Thank you, Tamika. Wow, my mentor like booked Tamika. Love your messages and advice. Continue to be a blessing. Thank you, Leslie. All right, ladies and gentlemen. What does that say? See, how come you those on, oh, how come? Because just the ones that they do a donation go to the top, but these is just in the chat. So we just keep going. Would you do mommy advice? You're awesome on how you raise your boys. I'm not worried about men. I really want to be the best mom I can be and gain knowledge from those who are pure. I'm telling you to your boy. I know I need to do some. Let me answer this. I'm gonna tell y'all right now. Let me, y'all give me a say. Let me tell y'all something about this woman here. This the best mama in the world. Thank you. You know like, and I ain't saying it because she's sitting right here. So hold your thanks now, baby. Listen, this the best mama in the world. I'm gonna be honest with you. If I get her to write a parenting book, when I tell you for one, you're gonna be shocked and blown away. Let me tell you about my sons. It's all, they got a mama, but they got two daddy's too. And I'm gonna tell you something. My sons ain't never had terrible tools. My sons ain't had terrible tools. My son don't do no back talking. My son's, my oldest son got straight A's, no A minuses. I'm gonna tell you. This woman here, she know how to raise some kids. You know how like Caesar, the dog whisper. This right here, the child whisper. I'm trying to tell you. So I'm gonna get the book out of her. Cause this, she know how to raise some kids. I don't know how she do it. Could you please finish the leading with love question. You were saying it was hard for you. Could you go on about how you dealt with him? Thank y'all cut all. You did. Yeah, so it was difficult for me because I wasn't used to letting anyone lead. So that actually was where we kind of butt heads in the first two years of marriage. Cause we both were like, you know, used to being the boss. And so he had to kind of chill out a little bit and I had to meet him in the middle, you know? And I think as I felt like our marriage was a safe place, I was able to let go a little bit of the reins a little by little and see that I could trust him with leading and trust him to take care of me and trust that it wasn't something that was gonna like come back at me or, you know, I never want someone to feel like I needed them. So for him to lead me, I felt like that was saying, okay, I need you. And I had to get to the place where I trusted my heart with him and I realized, okay, no, this person has good intentions and you know, this is part of a godly marriage. So it takes time. It's not gonna be like, okay, you wake up and you feel like I know how to do this. It takes time and it just takes that person earning that from you. And I'm gonna tell you, leading with love, you know, I had to learn this when marriage was kind of getting a little weak that two between two and three years. And I remember when I first, remember I did that calendar, rub or feed on Monday? Tools, dude. She kicked her feet up for two weeks. I would get mad with the Lord. I'm like, man, don't rub it, feed on Monday. I'm massaging back on Tuesday. I'm writing a poem on Wednesday for nothing gift. For two weeks, she just let me do it. Like, when I'm gonna get a meal or something, but then when she reciprocated, it blew me away. It knocked my socks off. And I'm gonna tell you, we was married about five or six years before she said to me, baby, can I get my nails done? She never will ask me for nothing. She won't ask me for nothing. Now lead with love is going viral right now. I made that up now. I'll be taking my credit, don't I? The question is for both of you. Congrats on 13 years. What are your tips for a long-term marriage? You often hear horror stories of things like the seven-year itch, five-year divorce, and the routine marriage. Let's get these tips. Let's get these tips. What are your tips? Keep it fresh. So that's one thing. We continue to date each other. We get dressed up. We make it effort. It's a thing. We make that time. Even if I'm exhausted, I'll literally go drink a coffee to go on a date night. So keep it fresh. Be open communicators and respectful of each other. Do the little things that you know that will make that person happy. So feed into each other's love languages. Make that person your best friend. So we spend time doing things for each other to compromise. He may want to be working all the time, but he knows that it means something to me to sit and watch Netflix or sit and talk about this beauty thing that came out that he probably could care nothing about. And I don't maybe don't want to talk about business 24-7, but I do. So I think it's just like finding those middle things and also just have grace. You don't have to nitpick after every little thing. I ain't like that little force inflection, but I do. I like that. Anyways. And then have grace with each other. So there's like certain things that people will do that you could make a big deal and you could make it into an argument every time it happens. There's probably certain things that I do that- That's how I rule and I'll argue. We just don't argue. We have discussions. We talk about it. But an argument is when you are yelling or you're upset about something, it's like we don't let the other person feed it, like get the attention from the behavior. So if he, I can tell he's catching an attitude about something, I actually ignore it and treat him as if nothing's happened. So if I could see he's in his feelings of like, oh babe, are you hungry? Do you want some food? And I would tell him I don't even see that because I'm redirecting that behavior. I'm telling him like, listen, I don't care what you got an attitude about. It's nothing, nothing serious. Is that what you mean or what? Nothing is serious. So I would tell him I don't even see that attitude. And guess what? If no one's giving you attention for that attitude, you look like a fool sending me an attitude by yourself. So guess what? You end up being completely fine. Is he right now? That's what she learned from behavioral science. Yeah. So I used to be a behavior specialist. So, you know, you have like, stop redirect if someone's doing something or you have ignore, redirect and reinforce. So you ignore the negative behavior. You redirect them to something positive and then you reinforce them when the behavior has become positive. We answered this one. Yeah, that's that one. The Christy God bless you. Hey, bless y'all for the blessings, bless you. My ex is going to be doing residency at the same hospital as me. I'm dreading seeing him. How should I behave if I see him? We broke up about eight months ago and he got a new girlfriend five months later. So like I told the other person. Y'all successful. Yeah, to keep it civil. So you don't want him to know that you're bothered or that you're dreading seeing him. So if you go and ignore him, he's gonna know like, okay, I still got her. Hey, how you doing? Keep it moving. Hello, keep it moving. So he thinks, wow, she's like completely fine. You just keep it civil. Like he's any other doctor that works there. So how are you treat any other resident? You say hello, keep it moving and that's it. So he deserves no extra time, but you don't let him know that it bothers you. You fake it till you make it honey, okay? Everyone got ice, water and hot veins. Man, that's how you gonna do the man? Yeah. You be listening to me. Patty, God bless you. I lied in fear and don't know how to come clean without emotionally mounting down question above. Similarly, I wanted to ask him to go to Redwood's California event, praying for wisdom. That's my event in Redwood, the self love. Don't know how to come clean without emotional amount down. Like what is it though? What is he coming clean about? She lied in fear. Maybe she cheated. Emotional amount down. Okay, so if it's not cheating, something else. If you lied in fear, that's not a good sign because someone shouldn't make you feel like you have to lie to, because you can't be honest with them. And she know about that because I used to do that. I didn't have a safe space. Right, so I wouldn't feel comfortable telling him the truth about even just small things because he would always just get upset or something. So you have to also figure out if that's the right person for you because if you feel fearful being honest and being truthful about something that may not even be a big deal, then he may not be the right person so you need to find someone that gives you that safe space so you can be comfortable and know they're not gonna make you regret it. All right, y'all, we got about five more minutes. Ranara, did I say? Ranara, God bless you. Lani Lavender. Queen Shree, you're so beautiful. Thank you. Classy and smart, happier here. I like someone long distance, met back home last month. He's been consistent with communication. Should I cut him off if he doesn't make plans to see me after this 19 stuff? Yeah, I mean, definitely continue talking until then, long distance relationships are tough because you don't really know what's going on outside of you. But I mean, definitely good communication is good. And yeah, if he doesn't, you guys don't make the effort to see each other, especially if he's not trying to see you, then it's probably not gonna work out. He probably has, you're right now, it's COVID, so you can't really tell. He probably has a lot of time to talk, so I guess you'll probably be able to see as the future progresses. TT, God bless you. As a full-time professional and mom, it's hard to remain consistent with my four-year-old son, Tips Shree. You have to be consistent no matter what. Like it may be exhausting, you may have to drink three cups of coffee to get through it, but- Let me tell y'all something. She have thrown up, like, to be there for our son. My grandson's so tired. She'll get migrant, she'll throw up. Like, she'll be running on E. Like literally three hours of sleep sometimes. And she just find a way, sometimes you gotta still a little nap when you can. Plan your tomorrows today. You get your day planner, she got a day planner. Got two of them. Two of them. Like, you gotta be very intentional and realize- Because really that's bigger than anything. Like, your job may fire you tomorrow, but your kid is gonna be here forever, and what you do right now is gonna shape their future. So, if you don't make the time now as they're four, you're not gonna wanna see them when they're 13. They're gonna be a hot mess, and you're gonna be calling somebody to come stop your child from doing whatever. You know, so you gotta make that conscious effort now and figure out where you can fit time in for them and how you can be consistent no matter what. How do you two feel about alcoholic beverages when dating? Is it a red flag when men drink? I didn't drink when we met, you know, and then when I got around her and her family, they kinda like more of the wine type people. So I kinda learned about social drinking. Right, I think definitely you don't wanna be with someone that's drinking too much because obviously that's like, they got something else going on if they need alcohol as like a, you know, as like a clutch or something. You know, as a clutch and they may need. So I mean, you wanna kinda pay attention to that and see how often that behavior is. Married after high school, cheated at 10 years. We remarried and he cheated after three years. I divorced him again. He blames his relationships with God for failures. How to break a soul tie with a man you were supposed to have one with. That's, you know, that's tough. So you guys probably shouldn't have remarried, but you did. So you just have to understand now that his choice of God has nothing to do with it. That's a choice that he made and you have to realize that he's just not a good person for you. It's not gonna be easy cause 13 years is not a short amount of time. So it's gonna take literally a day to day thing or just self talk every single day and just remind yourself of the reason why you guys aren't together. And it's not, it's gonna take time. Just be patient with yourself. Thank you for that blessing, Yvette. The purpose nurse. Tony. You love that woman. Look at how he looks at her. If my husband don't look at me, how Tony look at his wife, then I don't want to. Thank you. Hey, now, you know, give a little behind the scenes but my love for you and how you be brushing me off. And how, you know, how I talk to you when we were out in the house. Yeah, he's gonna receive compliments you 24-7 even when you're like, I know I look a hot mess, like. And she be looking good now. And see me, I be looking at them hamcakes, so okay. Let me see a little bit of the hamcake. Hey. And so I just, I love her. Yvette, Yvette. And she real, you know, cool and calm. She not no twerking type. She ain't with the twerking. She ain't with the uh, uh, uh. She just cool and calm. And she make me work for her love. We probably five, six years in the marriage, you know? And I still was working five, six years in. Yeah, the guy didn't, when did I start calling you a term of endearment? Right, babe, or hun, that probably was. Two years in, felt like. You know, probably three because. Yeah. Bianca, you guys are amazing. Blessing y'all. Y'all bless me and I've learned so much. I'm an author because of you guys. Awesome. Bless you, Bianca. Y'all go get Bianca book on Amazon. Hey, two more minutes, y'all. We're gonna take this last question from 415. God bless you. My ex fiance moved on a week after breakup. It left me super heartbroken and feeling worthless. How do I move on from this terrible feeling? It's a sucky feeling and there's no way to like move on to it completely. But just be sure knowing that he was not the right person. And if you moved on in a week after he probably was dating that person while y'all were together. So just understand that you dodged a bullet and try to think of that. Remind yourself that better is coming and work on yourself during that time. But it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna hurt and that's okay. Deal with that hurt and realize what caused it and use that to grow yourself during that time. Hey, thank y'all so much. Y'all been here, amazing retention rate and attention span y'all have. People say attention span is seven minutes. I really appreciate it. Please make sure, if it's affordable, I know it's tough time. So we tried to push the release back, but then they felt like, hey, maybe this will give people something to do, take their mind off of stuff. Please order the book, A Woman's Influence. I forgot what it was. I'm about to say A Woman's Worth, A Woman's Work. Is that, who was that? Is that? All right, Ruby, God bless you. Thank you, God bless you. Hey, now what y'all wanna see her on here once a month? Somebody said make this a monthly thing. So we're gonna try to do this at least once a month. I get on my people to talk to her people and we'll try to figure out her appearance fee because she gonna be charging me to come on here. But she really is focused in managing the household and our businesses. She run everything. So when y'all send them emails in, understand she watching those. Like she see those and see the executive. She the executive on figuring stuff out. And I gotta bounce stuff off of her. So she has a lot that she does and this all I do. Cause she manage stuff. I know some people are like, oh, you out to help. You supposed to be helping. And I try to help, but she'll get out the way. I don't want you watching the decision. Cause you don't know how to do it properly. Get out the way. I don't want you folding your clothes. Yeah, I'm slightly typing that. Like things done a certain way. She type capital A. Give me, miss you out. Nah, nah, y'all bless us a lot tonight. Okay. We ain't ask y'all to do that. Okay. We ain't pass no plate around. So I wonder if we could renegotiate how we gonna use this. No, no. If I still got to keep my word on. You do. People have already commented. Blessing is too much. They've already said don't renege that it's for me. So thank you. Do what you gonna do with that. You ain't never had that kind of blessing. Thank y'all. Thank y'all. See they said no. Say thank you. Thank you. Y'all appreciate it. Get me a little pair of shoes or something. Thanks. See they like let's go with this right here. Keep your word. That's for sure. All for sure. Uh huh. Yeah. Thank you. Wow. Now what this is? A last question now. Don't say no more blessing now. Y'all blessing now. I've left my husband. It's been almost two years, but I'm not giving up. And so he realizes some mistakes. I don't want it to be over. But I'm a point where I'll just be with God. The thing is you're waiting for something that may not happen. Like he may not realize his mistakes. And he may not want to grow on that way. You have to be okay with that. Because you're kind of keeping yourself stationary for someone that's not caring to move forward with you. Hey, God bless y'all. Thank y'all so much. She made it an hour and a half. I'm shocked. Y'all know I always do 90 minutes. I ain't know if she was gonna have the energy, but she might got a little. I had a coffee before. Oh, okay. She might got a little dance in her. Y'all was blessing. Goodbye. Bye. Hey, God bless y'all. We'll talk soon. Bye. You did a good job, baby. You ain't got to end what's screaming.