 Craft presents the Great Gilda Sleeve. Hee hee hee hee. Cheese Company will also bring you Bing Crosby every Thursday night. Present each week of this time Harold Perry as The Great Gilda Sleeve, written by John Wheaton. We'll hear from The Great Gilda Sleeve in just a moment. What kind of appetites do you have in your family? Well, if they're the kind of appetites that have to be tempted, here's a suggestion. Get acquainted right away with parquet margarine, the delicious, wholesome spread for bread made by craft. Because the delicate, appetite-tempting flavor that makes parquet margarine such a delicious spread for bread makes it grand for cooking, too. Serve parquet at the table, of course, at every meal, but keep it nearby when you're preparing meals as well. You see, parquet season potatoes and all hot vegetables to the king's taste. You'll find cookies and cakes taste better made with parquet because it adds its own delicate flavor to all baked foods. Parquet makes pan-fried foods tastier, too. And remember, you're adding extra nourishment to foods when you use parquet margarine. It's an excellent energy food that contains vitamin A. Best of all, parquet is economical, so get some tomorrow. Just ask for parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y, parquet margarine made by craft. Now let's join our friend, the Great Gilder Sleeve. For several days, he's been harboring a dark secret. To wit, the third tooth from the rear on the upper left-hand side has been giving him a little trouble. Oh, it has not. This morning, after lingering alone over a hearty breakfast, he rises from the table, saunters past the sideboard, sneaks a piece of taffy from the bonbon dish, pops it into his mouth, and... Ouch! Ew. Excuse me, what's the trouble? You got too late? No, Bertie, certainly not. I just happened to bite on something, that's all. Your tongue, maybe? Yeah, my tongue. Well, there's only one thing to do about a bad tooth. I know that, but I'd rather not be reminded of it. Oh, this don't hurt none. Anyway, I haven't got a bad tooth. What do you do, Bertie? Well, you got a penny? A what? A penny. Have you got a penny? Well, I have, but don't let him get around. The government might hear about it. All right, you take the penny and you put it in your mouth. Now, you put it next to the gum wherever the tooth hurts, and you keep it there for two days. Don't even take it out. But how do I eat? Well, you just eat around it. Eat around it? And by the end of the second day, the penny will draw all the misery out of the tooth. Can you guarantee that? That's if the moon is right. But... But suppose it isn't? Well, then you still got the penny. And the toothache. Why wouldn't it be better just to break down and go to the dentist? Well, that's good, too. Shall I show you something about dentist? Oh, I was just saying... Nothing, Marjorie, nothing. Bertie and I were just having a little discussion. Weren't we, Bertie? Yes, and about people that don't take care of the teeth. Bertie? Well, I don't care. I don't care if I am a tattletale. When I know something's wrong with you, I ain't gonna hide it. You're right, Bertie. You've got to take care of yourself, Mr. Gillsleeve, and you've got to take care of your teeth. Your teeth is my meal ticket. Come on, Uncle Mort. Which tooth is it? Marjorie, there's nothing whatever the matter with my tooth. I'm just a little aware of it, that's all. That settles it. You're going to the dentist. No, my dear. You've been putting it off and putting it off, and you're not going to put it off any longer. Oh, yes I am. Oh, no, I'm not. I'm cornered. When did you go to the dentist last? Tell me. Well, it was very recently. It was? Yes, it was only of... It was only... I thought so. No, it was even more recent. I remember it perfectly. I just don't remember the date. I'll bet you don't. Well, why should I? You asked Donald Nelson when he went to the dentist last? I bet he can't tell you either. But ask him something important, and he's got it right at his fingertips. What are you laughing at, Bertie? Getting that man to the dentist is just like pulling teeth. You keep out of this, Bertie, and keep pulling teeth out of it, too. I never saw people in such a hurry to rush a man to the dentist. You know what I think, Uncle Lord? I think you're afraid. Afraid? Nothing. You want to be ashamed. Even Leroy isn't afraid of the dentist. He went yesterday, and he's going again today. Well, I'm not afraid either. Why don't you call up Dr. Shanks and make an appointment? Certainly. I'll call him up. I'll make an appointment. Good. Only don't rush me. What is... What's that? Just Leroy coming downstairs. Sounds like a barrel of potatoes. Leroy, can't you ever walk? I'm just finishing it. Well, I've got to get going. Leroy, when was your appointment with the dentist? You would have to bring that up. It's this afternoon, 3.30. Would you be willing to let Uncle Mark go on your plate? You mean, let him go to the dentist instead of me? Yes. Would you mind if he took your appointment? Are you kidding? Now, Marjorie, I don't want to rob the boy of his... No, no, no. I'm glad to do it. Glad to do it. What's the money? You've got a toothache. It's nothing but a slight twinge. Nothing for everybody to get so excited about. Gee, that can be bad, though. You want to take care of that. No, my boy. It's more important for you to keep your appointment. Take care of your teeth when you're young, and they'll take care of you when... they'll take care of you. That's funny. What? Now that you mention it, neither does mine. It stopped. What do you know about that? What you do about nothing, huh? Uncle Maude? Oh, there's Judge Hooker. I'm riding on his A-card today. My hat's on. I've got to go. Goodbye, Marjorie. Goodbye, you big baby. Hurry up, Gilly. I've got the motor running. Good morning, Judge. Well, this looks like a wonderful day, doesn't it? Never mind the salutations. This is costing me gas. Hop in. Well, how goes it, Gilly? Well, tell the truth, Judge. Not so good. Did you ever have a tooth that... Hey, look out! I saw him. You saw him. Did you ever have a tooth that hurt whenever you bit down on it? Did I ever have a tooth that hurt whenever you bit down on it, Judge? Did I ever have a tooth? Well, just take a look in there. Is he in the bag? Where? In judge's watch where you're going! I'm watching. Well, keep your hands on the wheel, you old goat. I want to tell you, I had an impacted wisdom tooth once, and he had to go in there after with a hammer and a chisel. Worst thing that ever happened to me. Only thing to do, though, if you got a bad tooth, get it out of there. Chop it out. Get rid of it. It'll only make you trouble. But mine isn't a wisdom tooth. Makes no difference. Does it ache when you chew candy? Well, yes it does. Same as mine. It's impacted all right. It'll have to come out. Oh, I was afraid of that. You judge, watch out! Hooker, that was a little close. Listen, who's driving this car? I don't know. Is anybody driving it? That's my car. Don't be telling me how to drive it. Well, it's my tooth, so don't be telling me what to do about it. All right, guilty. If you want to get a lockjaw, that's your business. What do you mean, lockjaw? A friend of my father's had a bad tooth like yours. He neglected it. He ended up with a lockjaw. Couldn't even open up his mouth to eat. Had to go in there with a hammer and a chisel. Oh, Horace! If you don't mind. I'm just telling you for your own good. All right, I was feeling fine till you started talking. Hey, what are we stopping here for? Barbershop, I gotta get a shave. But I don't need a shave. That's just too bad, guilty. You forget, you happen to be sharing my car today. I have to share your shave? No, you can walk the rest of the way if you want to. All right, I will. All right, go ahead. By George, I would too. I'd walk the whole way if it wasn't for this tooth. Starting up again, is it? Now, I'll tell you what you want to do. Oh, no you won't. You're not going to get in there with that hammer and chisel again. Let me get a quick shave, Floyd. I got Gillisly waiting here. Oh, carpool, huh? How have you been, Mr. Gillisly? Not so well, Floyd. Tooth's been bothering me, this one I have. Well, yeah. Well, you think that's bad, huh? My wife's uncle had to have a tooth out last week. He lives 12 miles out of town, and all he's got is an A-card. An A-card, mind you. Is that fair? I'll leave it to you, Judge. Now, Floyd, where does your wife's uncle do for a living? Oh, he's retired. He's got his pension. I thought so. Oh, wouldn't you retire if you got a pension? Is that any reason to take a man's gas away from him? Under the present circumstances, it's as good a reason as I can think of. And they're not taking his gas away from him. They're just holding him down to what he needs. Yeah, well... The government isn't picking on your wife's uncle, Floyd. They're just cutting out a few things like those trips over to your house for Sunday dinner. Hey, maybe they're doing me a favor at that. Hey, but I had a fellow in here yesterday. He sat right in that chair where you're sitting, Mr. Gillis. I think I'll move. This is too much like a dentist chair. Hey, don't say dentist to me. But I was telling you about this fellow. I don't know who he is, but he came in here, and it turns out he's very close to a certain party, and he tells me that this gas rationing is a lot of bunk. Oh, he did it. Yeah. He says there's no shortage of gas. He says there's gas to burn right here in Summerfield. They're not rationing gas, Floyd. They're rationing mileage. They're rationing rubber. Well, why don't they say so, then? They've been saying so. If you could just read, you ignorant... No, Horace. Perhaps reason would be more effective with our little chum here. Gee, let's not get into an argument over this. All right, Gillis. You try to explain it. I will. Now, Floyd, do you say that gas rationing is the bunch? Well, that's what the fellow told me. But, Floyd, do you know who controls most of the rubber in the world today? The japs. 90% of it. That's right. That's right. And do you know how important rubber is? This whole country moves on rubber. Well, now, wait a minute. Trains don't. I've been on a train. You've been on a train. I know, but the fact is that most of this country's traveling is not done on trains or trolleys or airplanes or buses. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Wait a minute. Here's a piece of paper I cut out. Look, 86% of the traveling done by Americans last year was in private automobiles. Is that a fact? That's why it's important to keep your car and my car going. Because of all the private automobiles pulled up, the country's paralyzed. Well, sure, I can see that. Well, that's all there is to it then. You see, Judge, all it takes is a little reasoning. Well, there's just one thing I don't get. What's that? Well, my tires belong to me. Why shouldn't I ride on them all I want? Floyd, Monion, you're the stupidest man I ever met. I don't see how you ever got through even Barbara College. Why are you... Hey, Gildy, Gildy. What? What happened to the light of pure reason? Well, all right, you try explaining it. Let me see you get anywhere with him. All right. What is it you don't understand, Floyd? Well, what about this synthetic rubber? What about that? What about it? Have you got any? No. Then how are you going to ride on it? Say, Gildy, who's explaining this? You or me? Well, all I got to say is there are my tires and why shouldn't I ride on them? This is a free country, isn't it? By George, it won't be free much longer if people figure the way you do. Now, wait a minute, Mr. Gildy. I will not. Stop waving that razor at me, Floyd. All I say is a man has a right to his opinion. Well, I have an opinion I'd like to express at this time. What's that? You and all the other people who squawk about gas rationing give me a pain, and not in my tooth, either. I'll see you later. I'm sorry that I'm late, Miss Bitch. I shared Judge Hooker's car with him this morning, and when you share his car, you share his private life. When I came to work on a bus, the woman next to me shared my feet. Very good. And big enough. Any important problems come up in my absence? Nothing that I couldn't handle. I'd like to see anything you couldn't handle, Miss Bitch. Well, after 33 years in the water department, life doesn't hold many surprises. I suppose not. Say, what are we going to do about that inquiry from the Board of Health? I keep forgetting about it. Don't worry. I took care of that. Oh, good. We had a communique from the pumping station this morning. They're getting low on coal. Well, you better put it in order for some more coal. I did. I took care of that. Oh, fine. By the way, I ran into Mr. Powers over at the air raid meeting last night, and he was complaining about... I know. I took care of that, too. Well, Miss Bitch, you're wonderful. Well, what's the order of business here now? I have all the figures for the annual report if you want to start on there. Oh, fine. Let me get a cigar first. Then we'll roll up our sleeves and go to work. Oh, didn't I bring any cigars? Even Donald Nelson can't work without a cigar. I believe you'll find some in your upper right-hand drawer. Oh, you even took care of that. You're a remarkable woman, Miss Bitch. If I don't keep an eye on you, Donald Nelson will be stealing you away from me. Oh, Mr. Gillis, leave your joking. Oh, no, I'm not. Would you like to be in Washington? No. I'd rather be a big frog in a small puddle. You mean you're happy here when you could be working for an important man like Donald Nelson? I don't want to work for anybody important. I want to stay here and work for you. Oh, yes. Thank you, Miss Bitch. Let's get on with the report. If you'll hand me that lighter. Thank you. There. Now. Can't even bite on a cigar. I'm afraid I'll have to be seeing a dentist one of these days. Don't worry. Oh, no? I took care of that. You have an appointment for four this afternoon. The Great Gelverslee will be with us again in a few seconds. You know, nowadays, it's really a homemaker's duty to see that her family gets the right kind of foods. Yes, and it's just as much her duty to keep her food budget in line. Well, there's one important food that helps you do both these jobs. And that food is economical parquet margarine, the delicious, nutritious spread for bread made by crab. Parquet margarine is one of the kinds of foods that our government recommends for good nutrition. That's because it's so wholesome and nourishing. Actually, parquet is one of the best energy foods you can serve. What's more, every pound of parquet margarine contains 9,000 units of vitamin A, making it a really dependable source of this important vitamin the year round. Economical parquet, you know, is widely known as the margarine that tastes so deliciously good. So why not start serving it to your family tomorrow? Yes, tomorrow is sure. Ask your food dealer for parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet, the delicious vegetable margarine made by crab. Let's hurry back to the Great Gilder Sleeve, who's in a sorry state by this time, unable to work, unable to eat, and unable to think of anything but his approaching appointment with the dentist. He decided to come home for a little rest before the ordeal, and we find him now trudging up the walk while in the living room. Marjorie and Mrs. Ransom are deep in conference. Uncle, now, are you here? Because I don't want him to know I'm making it fall, not till Christmas. Oh, not a word. You just pretend like you want to know his measurements out of curiosity. I'll find some way. I shouldn't know them, but I keep forgetting. I guess because I can't believe them when I hear them. Leroy? Oh, it's so early. Hello, my dear. Oh, hello, Leroy. Oh, Srockmont, you just came here to spy. Oh, no, I live here, remember? Spy on what? Wouldn't you love to know? Oh, would I? I don't know what you're talking about. Well, Christmas isn't so terribly far off, you know. Uh, Christmas. Oh, Christmas. Yes, I'm making something for you, but I won't tell you what. Be careful now, you'll give it away. Well, I thought it wouldn't do any harm to tell him that much, but you'll have to guess the rest. Oh, well, that's nice of you, Leroy, but you really shouldn't have done it there. Marjorie, is Leroy home yet? No, not yet. He usually doesn't bust until about 10 after 3. Burst, Marjorie. Oh, yeah. Burst. Yes. Well, don't let him get away without speaking to me. Oh, but Srockmonton, don't you want to guess? Haven't you any curiosity? Guess? Guess what? What I'm making for you. Oh, well, I'm afraid I wouldn't be very good at guessing today, Leroy. Tell the truth, I'm feeling a little under the weather. Uncle Mord, is it that tooth again? Well, yes. Oh, I knew it. If you're going to the dentist, you'd feel better. I'm going to the dentist, and I feel worse. I'm glad you finally got some sense. Now, why don't you just lie down here and rest till it's time to go? I think I will, if you don't mind. Yes, now go get a hot water bottle. That may help. Oh. Lie down there, Srockmonton. That's right. Poor boy. Got a nasty tooth. Lay your head down there, and I'll just kneel here and soothe your brow. Oh. That feels so good. You have healing hands, Leela. Gracious, I'm afraid they're pretty rough now that I'm doing my own work. Isn't that admirable? Don't stop. I think the pain is going away. Srockmonton. Yes, Leela? It begins with an S. What does? What does? The thing I'm making for you. Oh, yeah. It's a nice letter, ass. I don't want you to get the idea that just because I'm making you a present, you have to give me one, though. I don't want you to think that. Oh, I wasn't thinking that. Promise you won't give me anything now. All right, I promise. On your word of honor? On my word of honor. Oh. Don't go, Leela. I'm afraid I'm much. But, Leela. You don't even care enough about my present to guess what it is. I do, too. Let me see. S. Now, put it on the side of the aches. That may relieve it till a dentist gets at it. Marjorie, guess what? The most wonderful thing has happened. While you were out of the room, all of a sudden the pain was gone. Oh, no, you don't. What do you mean? You're coming with me to the dentist. Oh, yes, you are. Don't worry, Srockmonton. You go to the dentist and before you know it, bingo, it'll be all over. That's what I'm afraid of, that bingo. Bingo. Hello, Mr. Gildersleeve. Uh, hello, Peabee. Peabee, I just sneaked in for a minute. I've got to talk fast. They're waiting for me outside the drug store. Who, the police? The police. No, no, Marjorie and Leroy. Mr. Gildersleeve, you're shaking. Well, you'd be shaking, too. I'm on my way to the dentist. The dentist? Well, that's something we all have to face at one time or another, I guess. Don't give me any philosophy. But I want to something that will cure a toothache and quickly. Well, no, that's rather a large order. That's a problem science has been working on for a good many years. I can't wait for science, Peabee. I've got to be at the dentist in 15 minutes if I don't cure this thing first. Now, how about it? Well, that word cure, Mr. Gildersleeve, is a word we druggists like to avoid. Never mind the word. What I want to know is... You sell toothache remedies, don't you? Yes, I do sell a toothache remedy. Several varieties, as a matter of fact. Though most of them come down to about the same thing. All of clothes. It's all right. A toothache remedy, remedy's a toothache, doesn't it? Well, now I wouldn't say that. It may relieve it temporarily. Relieve it or remedy it, Peabee, don't quibble. All druggists are supposed to be friendly, aren't they? Yes, we do rather pride ourselves on our friendliness. Well, then be a pal. Help me out of this, Peabee. If I can cure this tooth before I get to the dentist, I may be able to call the whole thing off. Mr. Gillespie, if I could guarantee to do that, I wouldn't be in the drug business. I'd set up as a dentist. In other words, you admit your toothache remedies are no darn good. Well, no, I wouldn't say that. But if you're looking for something really effective, I can recommend a cure for corn. Corn? I've used it myself with great satisfaction. So has Mrs. Peabee. The cure for corn isn't going to help me with my tooth, Peabee. No, but it's a good thing to know about. You're no help to me, Peabee. Goodbye. Oh, Mr. Gillespie. Yes? There is one remedy for toothache I've heard recommended. What's that? I've never had occasion to try it myself. I don't know that it has any scientific basis. Oh, never mind the science. What is it? Have you ever tried placing a penny next to gum? Goodbye. Goodbye, Mr. Gillespie. You think the doc could get some decent magazines in here? Out of comic book in the whole place. Be quiet, Leroy. Why? Who's dead? Leroy. What are you so nervous about, Uncle? I'm not nervous. I just don't like waiting, that's all. It makes me restless. Your hand's trembling. Leroy, read your magazine. Look at mine, steady as a rock. I bet I could hold it still for five minutes. Do you think you could hold your tongue still for a few minutes? Sure. Well, try it. If you're not nervous, Uncle, what did you make Marge drive you down for? The cause of you must know, dentists sometimes give people gas. I don't want to drive home, and I'm under the influence of laughing gas. I'll stop asking questions. What are you reading, Uncle? National Geographic. Interesting. Oh, yes, very. Wouldn't it be easier to read if you turned it right side up? What? Dr. Shanks is ready now. After you, Uncle. No, you go ahead, Leroy. You're aged before beauty. Leroy, you get in there. All right. Hello there, Mr. Gilda-Sleeves. Oh, hello, Doctor. I won't keep this young man for a minute, just finishing up with him. Oh, that's all right. No hurry. Take your time, Doc. They always tell you that, Marjorie. It won't take but a minute. It isn't going to hurt a bit. That poor kid's lavalaby in there an hour. Oh, I don't think so. He hasn't got much left to do. I feel sorry for him, though, my dear. He puts up a big front. But underneath it, I'll bet he's scared to death. I don't believe Leroy has a nerve in his entire body. If he had, he couldn't stand the noises he makes. Well, there's something in that. Say, it's awfully quiet in there, isn't it? Is there anything strange about that? No, I just wonder what they're doing to him. Why don't you try not to think about it, Uncle Mort? Why don't you read your magazine? You suppose they could be giving him gas in there? Why do you keep worrying about gas? Dentists don't give gas all the time. Well, they never let you know when they're going to. They sneak up on you with it. Do you ever have gas? No, but I've heard all about it, laughing gas. They sneak up behind you and clap one of those things over your face. Oh, Uncle Mort, that's old-fashioned. You go to the dentist more often, you get rid of those ideas. You didn't try to make me feel good, my dear. I know what I'm in for. Just wish it wasn't so quiet, that's all. I could stand it if it wasn't so quiet. If somebody would just make a noise... All right, Mr. Gilda sleep. Uncle Mort, that's you. Me? Steady. Steady. What's the matter, won't you look as if you're going to the chair? I am. Well, Mr. Gilda sleep. Hello, Doctor. Long time no see, huh? How've you been? Just climbing to the chair there and make yourself comfortable. I've been pretty well, Doctor, except for this little tooth of mine. Well, we'll get to the bottom of that. How's that new neighbor of yours that moved in there next door to you? Oh, Mrs. Ransom, oh, she's fine. See much of her? Oh, he passed the time of day down there. What's that? What's that, Doc? It's just my instruments, a few drills and whatnot. What's the matter? Why, you're perspiring. You're looking a little pale there, I am. Miss Mitchell, take that bottle there and give him a whiff, will you? Oh, no, you don't. Now, Mr. Gilda sleep, it's nothing to be afraid of. Take it away. Take it away, Doc. Breathe in, please. Take a breath. You can't fool me. I know what you're up to. Hold it under his nose. Now, breathe in. Hee-hee-hee-hee. Hee-hee-hee-hee. Here. Here. Here. And out of there. Hee-hee-hee. Love it. Nothing but spirits of ammonia. I thought it was laughing gas. I thought it was laughing gas. Spirits of ammonia. I thought it was laughing gas. Laughing gas. I haven't given laughing gas in 20 years. Let's have a look at that mouth of yours now. It's a head-tooth on the upper left hand side. Well, plenty of space in there. Hey, see, Doc? That's very interesting. It is. You get a sharp pain when you bite down. Miss Mitchell, hand me those tweezers, will you? Where are you, Doc? Relax, man, relax. This isn't going to hurt. Where have I heard that before? Now, open your mouth. Okay. By the way, what did you have for dinner on Thanksgiving? Erky. I thought so. There. There's the whole cause of your trouble. What's that? A little sliver of turkey bone lodged between your second and third molars. When you bit down on it, it jabbed your gum. That's all? That's all. Anything else that mattered with my teeth? Not that I can see. That'll be $10, please. Dear diary, well, it's been nearly a week now, and I've still got more than three-quarters of a tank full. I've managed to get to most of the places I wanted to go, and I even got to one place I didn't want to go to at all. Yeah, maybe it isn't going to be so bad. What worries me is people like Floyd the Barber. They don't seem to realize that the shortage of rubber is nationwide, and that's why rationing has to be nationwide. I read where Jeffers says the tires we have in our cars now are going to have to last us at least until the middle of 1944. Of course, I don't know Jeffers personally, but Donald Nelson speaks well of him. Anyway, it strikes me that saving our tires is like saving money. Most of us can't do it unless we figure out a system that'll force us to, and that's what this gas rationing is. Naturally, it's going to take a little time to get it adjusted so that every man gets the gas he needs to get him to his job, but that's the intention. So let's have a little patience and try to make this thing work, folks, because if it doesn't, heaven help our men at the front and heaven help us. Good night, everybody. That's 7-minute macaroni and cheese made with Kraft Dinner. Now, the macaroni in a package of Kraft Dinner is a very special kind. It cooks up tender and fluffy in just 7 minutes, but that's only half the secret of Kraft Dinner. The Kraft grated is the other half. It also comes in the package of Kraft Dinner. You just sprinkle it through and through, and the macaroni is drenched with mild cheese flavor. No fuss or bother to this new-fashioned way of making that old-fashioned dish. And you'll find Kraft Dinner is a handy thing to have around because your family is on time for dinner and you're late, because in just 7 minutes you can serve them swell macaroni and cheese. So keep a few packages of Kraft Dinner on your pantry shelf always. This program has reached you from Hollywood. This is the National Broadcasting Company.