 I feel unsafe in my own body. My joy in life is seeing you cry. This haunts me daily. I didn't realize it would affect you so much. It's not rape if you're married. Your first time is always a secret. It's like taking a shower and not feeling clean. Because mere soap and water can't wash away a memory. When I make you disappear, Malone will ever notice you are even gone. I will be a virgin for the rest of my life because of the things he did to me. You're not normal. We'll look back on this one day and laugh. It's your fault you feel uncomfortable. But this is what boyfriends do to girlfriends. You're just lucky it was me and not some creep. He made it seem fun. I had no idea it was wrong. I'm pretty sure I'm going to die with his eating away at me. How can I ever tell anybody what will my friends say?