 Curious, and empowered by the polygamous advice, to risk it all. She took a gamble and opened up their marriage. Little did she know, the taste of freedom was more bitter, than sweet. She found that her lucky number, was a one-way ticket to losing the love of her life. Stop next to the light button's car at the red light. Motion it to lower its window. When it does, say, your window is down. Then drive away. Warning, OP is so honest and to the point, you will be triggered. I'm here to ask advice on what I can do to save what's left of my marriage. Let me start by saying I've been married to my husband for five years, together for seven. For confidentiality, I'm going to refer to us as James and Skyler. We met in our second year of community college. I got a two-year degree in office management, and James went on to obtain a four-year degree in business administration from a university that conducts remote classes at the community college. Fast forward to today, I'm 26, James is 27, and we were planning on starting a family later this year. Our dream was to have four kids, ideally two boys and two girls. We had a very happy marriage, and our two families loved both of us. Now, here's where I effed up royally. I developed what some may call a work husband, but in my case, it was with a delivery driver for one of the big three delivery organizations who makes deliveries to our office. Let's refer to this man as Jayden for confidentiality's sake. At 25 and single, Jayden has been delivering to my office for nearly two years. From the moment we met, a certain chemistry was present, not romantic necessarily, but an undeniable spark. I was drawn to him, and we'd spend at least 10 minutes talking every time he made a delivery. I looked forward to seeing him and always made sure I was upfront when it was time for his delivery. One day, our conversation went further than normal. Jayden said he had a personal question to ask me. He said it was very personal and didn't want me to be offended or to jeopardize our working relationship. I told him, of course not. You can ask me anything. Jayden then told me, I feel a very strong attraction to you and wondered if you felt it too. I found his boldness surprising and somewhat embarrassing. After taking a moment to gather my thoughts, I told him the truth. I told him I definitely felt it too. Jayden confessed that he would have asked me out if I weren't married. I thanked him for the compliment, and that was the end of our conversation. He left, and that was that. For the next week, we just made brief, awkward small talk when he came in to deliver packages. I was very concerned and felt guilty that I may have crossed a line with him. I just couldn't shake this feeling. At home, James and I were enjoying married life. Let me state clearly, I have always been totally satisfied with James as a lover, friend, and husband, and believe at the time, he would have said the same about me. He was perfect for me. That being said, I foolishly started dreaming about how I could selfishly have both my loving husband and some kind of relationship with Jayden, beyond just our work conversations. Later, I learned that this is sometimes called being a cake eater. I started to look into it and found some articles about polyamory and open marriages. I thought these ideas were silly and gross, so I didn't think about them much at the time. I also knew that my husband wouldn't agree to such a thing. Even if he did, it could hurt our marriage and both our families might stop talking to us. That's something I didn't want to happen. Weeks went by and my married life was going great as always, but I kept thinking about making a connection with Jayden. I started researching the subject again, and came across a post online titled, It Doesn't Hurt to Ask. It was a blog post by a woman who claimed to be in a successful open marriage. She wrote about how she loved her husband, but also wanted to be in a relationship with a man she met while doing volunteer work. The blogger wrote that she just didn't know how to approach the subject with her husband without destroying their marriage. She kept these feelings bottled up for over two years, and then one day when they were on a long drive, she just decided to ask him. To her surprise, he was very interested. Long story short, they opened their marriage, and they both now have partners outside the marriage that they see three to four times per month. The blogger claimed they've been doing this for four years now, and their marriage is stronger than ever, and they are both happier than ever. Her story caught my attention because it was exactly what I wanted, but was too scared to ask my husband about. Then one Sunday morning, as we were lounging around the house, surfing the web on our phones and chatting casually, I decided to bring up the subject and asked him directly. I just read this online post about open marriages. What's your opinion on them? He then asked me if I was talking about couples sleeping with other people. I confirmed, and asked him again what he thought about it. He said he thought it was disgusting, and that people should just get divorced if they want to sleep around. I told him it's really becoming popular here in the US, and in many Western countries. James's facial expression indicated he was just disgusted by the subject, so I just quickly changed the subject. Based on his reaction, I planned to never bring up the subject again, as the last thing I wanted was to jeopardize our marriage, as it was great. A couple weeks go by, and James and I are cuddling in bed high on love after just having fantastic sexy time. I'm laying on his chest and can't see his face, and out of the blue he asks, who did you have in mind when you brought up open marriages last week? I was startled and got a pit in my stomach. I slowly raised my head and turned to look at him and said, what are you talking about? What do you mean? James then shared that he had read some research suggesting that if a woman mentions an open relationship to her partner, she is either already cheated, or she has someone else lined up. His revelation startled me. Actually, it shook me to my core. James could see the effect his words had on me and said, I know you too well, I can tell you're hiding something, so be honest. I fell silent, looked away, and then told him that I had never cheated on him, and would never do so. I could have left it at that, but I didn't. I then admitted that if we ever considered an open marriage, there was a friend at work who I might consider. James asked, tell me about this, work friend. So I began to explain about Jayden and our interactions up until then, including what Jayden had told me about his feelings, but didn't disclose I had reciprocated the same feelings back to him. James' next words freaked me out. He said, you know, technically, you've already cheated on me. I became irritated and responded defiantly, insisting that I hadn't, but he countered, yes, the relationship you have with this Jayden guy is what is termed an emotional affair. I had never heard of this concept before, so James explained it to me. I was getting more and more frustrated, and James suggested we stop discussing it for now as he needed to get some sleep due to an early start the following day. He fell asleep quickly, but I couldn't. Instead, I grabbed my phone and began to research emotional affairs, reading numerous articles and posts about them. James was right. What I had with Jayden was dangerously close to being an emotional affair. No, let me correct that. It was indeed a full-blown emotional affair. I felt horrible as though I had betrayed my husband. Unable to sleep, I got out of bed, went downstairs and made myself some tea. I eventually fell asleep on the couch around 4 a.m. At about 6.45 a.m., James woke me with a kiss, saying he was leaving for work, and I needed to start my day as it was almost 7 a.m. As usual, I returned his kiss and told him I loved him, but this time, I put even more emphasis on the sentiment, my mind clouded with guilt over my feelings for Jayden. Several days passed, and once again we were lying in bed after making love when James suddenly said, he'd be willing to try an open marriage if I really wanted to. This took me aback, and I asked, why are you bringing this up now? He explained that he'd been thinking about our discussions and figured we should try it while we were young, if it was something we desired. I expressed interest, but vowed never to jeopardize our marriage or love as he was the most important person in my life. James responded by saying, if our bond of love is strong, it will withstand infidelity. I countered that a mutual open relationship wouldn't be considered infidelity because we would both be agreeing to it. Instead of commenting on that, he simply said, consider our marriage open, starting right now. I was taken aback once more and urged him to slow down, saying we needed to establish ground rules. He specified that the only ground rules he wanted were one, we needed to announce who we planned to sleep with, and when, in advance, two, we had to disclose the encounter to each other afterward without going into graphic detail, and three, protection must be used for all forms of sexy time, no exceptions. I agreed to his stipulations and proposed adding a couple more points, four, we would keep our open marriage confidential, and five, we would promise each other that these extramarital relationships wouldn't destroy our marriage and we would remain together. James stated that he could not agree to either of these conditions. When I asked why, he simply said he didn't and wouldn't agree to these stipulations and did not want to discuss it further. I felt very uneasy about this as this was totally out of character for James, but I cuddled up to him and we fell asleep. My discussions with James left me uneasy about the whole open relationship thing like he had some ulterior motive. So for the next month, I did not pursue the open relationship and we lived our lives normally. During this time, I stayed distant from Jayden at work, only having short basic discussions with him about the weather and how busy he was and how busy I was, superficial things like that. Then one day, Jayden told me that he really missed our conversations and asked me what was wrong. I told him that I was busy here at the office and at home and just didn't have time to talk lately. In my head, I was thinking about if I should tell him about my open marriage. There, I decided I would. How I wish I could turn back time and undo this decision. It didn't seem appropriate to have such a discussion at the office, so instead, I invited him to meet for a drink after work that day, to which he agreed. We met at a local bar that had an outdoor patio, perfect for the warm early spring weather. I told him about my recently opened marriage and came right out and asked him if he'd be interested in a relationship with me. He didn't hesitate and said yes. He said he's been waiting for me to come around and hasn't pushed out of respect, but said he had been having dreams about me for months now. Most of our conversation during that meetup was flirtatious in nature. It was a Tuesday and we agreed to meet the following day for our first romantic encounter at his apartment, right after work. However, I emphasized that I'd need to leave by 6.30 p.m. to return home to my husband who remained my utmost priority. That night, I returned home and prepared a lovely dinner for James. After dinner, I informed him about my discussion and meeting with Jayden earlier that day and that we had scheduled a date for the following day after work at his place, provided James was still comfortable with proceeding with our open marriage. I could tell James was taken aback as he responded, Oh, yes, okay. So you're going to meet him tomorrow? I confirmed, but reassured him that we could still call it off as my main priority was him and us. He insisted, No, let's do this. We hugged, but I sensed stiffness and distance in his embrace, unlike our usual ones. I attributed this to nerves. We didn't talk much that evening as he was occupied with work in his office and I had my own office tasks to complete. When we went to bed, I spooned with him and tried to initiate intimacy, but he mentioned he was too fatigued and needed to rest. The next morning when I woke up, James had already left, leaving a text explaining he had an early meeting which he had forgotten to tell me about. He added that he'd see me that night. This was unlike him, but I dismissed it and continued with my routine of getting dressed and heading to work. I chose a particularly cute outfit that day, aware that Jayden and I were going to meet right after work. Throughout the day, I texted James but received no responses. I was once again considering cancelling the date with Jayden, telling you my story I really wish I had. When at 4.17pm, I received a text from James. He wrote that he loved me and would see me that night. This brought a sense of relief and I took it as a green signal from him to go ahead. I'll jump straight into it. Jayden and I met and the sexy time was great. Not quite to the satisfaction level I have with James and definitely no feelings of love, but very fulfilling, mostly because of the sheer lust and forbidden aspect of what we were doing. I left his place after about an hour and a half and got home just after 6.40pm. To my surprise, James was not home yet. I was okay with this as it gave me time to shower and put my clothes in the washing machine to remove Jayden's cologne smell. I didn't want James to be exposed to this. Though I felt fulfilled physically, I had a deep feeling of guilt, shame and remorse and just felt dirty. I had a real tug of war going on in my mind and was nervous. I decided that I would prepare a quick but great dinner for James and lit candles to create a romantic mood. I wanted to make sure that he knew how much I loved him and that the physical affair with Jayden meant absolutely nothing to me. It was just physical and was nothing even close to the love and physical fulfillment I have with him. I was hoping that we would end our night making love. I know some of you may think this is selfish and downright gross, but keep in mind, I used protection for everything I did with Jayden and no body stuff of any kind were exchanged. At 7.30pm, James still wasn't home and I tried calling him but it went straight to voicemail so I texted him stating I was home and had dinner waiting. I heard nothing from him. It was now 8.50pm and I was getting worried. I kept calling him and leaving messages and sending texts. At around 9.30pm, I got a text from him stating, don't wait up, I'll be home late. I texted back asking where he was and who he was with, but he didn't text back. I was exhausted and fell asleep sometime after midnight. I was awoken by the sound of the shower in the spare bathroom running and got up to investigate. The door was locked, totally uncharacteristic for James, so I knocked but he didn't answer. Then, 10 minutes or so later, James emerges with a towel wrapped around him and said, hey, how was your night? I told him it was fine, but then he directly asked me, did you sexy time, Jayden? I asked him not to use that term, but then admitted that yes, Jayden and I had been together. I then asked where he had been. He said he had spent the night at several bars and had been out dancing. I asked who he was with, as I could smell perfume on his discarded clothes. I asked, who is this her? He stated that since they didn't sleep together, he didn't need to tell me who she was. I can't say the explicit words here, but I can add that he never used the F word to me, so his way of talking to me and using that word made me very worried. I then asked him why he used the guest bathroom to shower, and he told me he would be using the guest bedroom and bathroom until I took two STD tests. His words crushed me, and I responded, what? This wasn't part of our rules. I made sure Jayden used protection for everything we did. He retorted, have you never heard of oral HPV or oral herpes? I'm not getting within six feet of you until you're cleared. You can consider this my version of social distancing. I was incredibly upset, crying, and told James I wanted to close our marriage, as this was the last thing I had wanted to happen. James retorted, no way, you had your turn, and now I'm going to have mine. Upset. I kept crying as he simply stated that he was going to bed because he had an early meeting and needed rest. I spent most of the night crying my eyes out, eventually falling asleep on the couch. By the time I awoke, James had already slipped out. He had sent me a text saying, don't wait up for me. I tried calling him, but he didn't pick up. I sent texts and left messages throughout the day, but he never responded. I was sick and felt like I was going insane, thinking I had likely destroyed my marriage. We didn't have any deliveries that day, so I didn't see Jayden, but I called him at 4.30pm and asked if we could meet tonight. He agreed and mentioned that I sounded upset. I told him that I was, but said we'd discuss it when I got to his place. We met and I told him I wanted to end our relationship, admitting it was a big mistake, as I loved my husband and wanted only him. I explained the situation and he understood. The only thing he asked for was one more hookup, after which he'd never interact with me again other than for work purposes. I agreed and we had a very short hookup, nothing but straight vanilla position which lasted less than 10 minutes. Afterwards he told me, that was terrible, you just laid there like a tree trunk. I apologized, admitting that this whole thing was a big mistake and it wasn't his fault. I got dressed, gave him a final hug and left. Before I left, Jayden said, I'll never understand women like you. I asked what he meant by the comment, and he simply said, nothing, no comment, with a look of complete disgust on his face. I quickly left, crying the entire drive home. How could I have been so stupid? I destroyed my marriage for what? For nothing at all. I thought I had to be the stupidest person in the world and again, just felt dirty. James didn't come home until 1 a.m. that night. I was sick, knowing that I had single-handedly ruined my life. On Friday, James did the same thing and left before I got up and sent me a text stating, don't wait up for me. This distance and coldness were crushing to my soul. I loved spending time with my husband in the mornings, evenings and weekends, preparing his meals, cuddling, taking walks after dinner, and just talking about stupid stuff. This was all gone, and I missed it so bad. I texted James and said I wanted to talk with him tomorrow morning, and he texted back and said, okay, as long as it was first thing as he was leaving for the day. I responded back asking where he was going, but he didn't reply. He didn't get home until 1 a.m. I didn't say anything and just laid in bed crying. He again took a shower and just went straight to bed. I woke early to wait for James to get up. He came into the kitchen at 7 a.m. and poured some orange juice. The vibe was very cold and emotionless. He made no eye contact and just sat down at the table with me and started looking at his phone. I got up and went over and plopped down on his lap and said, look at me. He looked away but I said, look at me and gently grabbed his face looking into his brown eyes. I told him that I loved him with all my heart and that I made a bad decision, not a bad mistake, a bad decision. I told him I was sorry and would do anything to regain his trust and love. He didn't say anything and just looked at me like I was insane. I asked him if he loved me and he said nothing. I said, James, please answer me. He said he didn't know. I just started crying and said, I can make this right. He told me, I don't think you can. I then called him a bastard and said, you planned all this. You set me up to divorce me, didn't you? He said he didn't, but did admit as soon as I brought up the concept of an open marriage, he knew our marriage was likely over based on what he had read. I then asked him, why didn't he just shut me down and demand that I end all contact with Jaden He said, you can't force someone to be faithful, you either are or you're not, and you obviously are not a monogamous person. I just cried and told him I was and to not throw us away. He said nothing, just got up and said he was leaving. I asked where he was going and he said he'd be back after midnight. I then reminded him that tomorrow was Easter Sunday and we were scheduled to leave at 7 a.m. to drive to my parents' house. My family absolutely adores my husband and we spend nearly every holiday with them as his parents now live in Florida. He told me that he wasn't going. I was shocked and devastated and asked him to please come with me and he just coldly said no. I asked him what I was going to tell my parents and he said he didn't care, then said just tell them the truth. I begged and pleaded with him to stay home with me but he just got dressed, took a gym bag of clothes and left the house. I am destroyed inside and feel totally deflated. I want to ask the community here for any suggestions and steps I can take to save my marriage. I'd really like to hear from any people who have done something similar with open marriages and whether a couple can recover from such a betrayal. I'd really like to hear from people who have successfully reconciled after an open relationship. Thank you for reading my story. I'm going back to bed now to cry for the rest of the day. I want to ask you all here for any suggestions and steps I can take to save my marriage. I'd really like to hear from any people who have done something similar with open marriages and whether a couple can recover from such a betrayal. I'd really like to hear from people who have successfully reconciled after an open relationship. Thank you for being here, listening to my story. I'm going back to bed now to cry for the rest of the day. I wanted to give everyone an update. First, I want to thank those of you who responded with feedback and support. It really helped me get through the last couple of days. There were a lot of people who rightfully criticized me and called me nasty names, but I deserve it, and I appreciate your feedback too. Easter Sunday and today have been very difficult days for me. Two of the worst days of my life. I drove to my parents' home and when I arrived, the first thing they asked me was, Where's James? I lied and told them that he had an emergency at work and would not be able to make it. I told them this as I did not want to upset our family gathering. My family bought my story, but grew suspicious as the day went on as I was not texting or calling my husband like I normally do. To deflect their suspicion, I sent several fake texts to throw them off and acted like I received texts back from him and told everyone he was still busy at the office and would call me tomorrow. Truth is, he never called or texted me, not even to see if I arrived safely. This broke my heart. I planned to stay over at my parents' house and tell them about our marital problems on Monday. I dreaded doing so as I knew they were going to berate and hate me. Well, I told them this morning and it went just as I predicted. They yelled, called me terrible names, said they didn't raise me like this and a bunch of other things. They called my sister to join us and she proceeded to ream me out too. I cried and told them I was sorry. I told them I know what I've done is terrible and that I have learned from this and will never make the mistake again in the future. I told them my sole focus for the foreseeable future is to win back the love and trust of James. At the end, though they were very upset with me, they told me they loved me and would pray that our marriage can be salvaged. I drove home Monday evening. During the day, I called and texted James, but he did not reply. When I arrived home, I found a note on the counter stating he had gone to Florida to visit his parents and would return on Sunday. I felt so bad as we planned on going to visit them sometime in early May. And now because of me, that's not going to happen. I hate myself. That's all I've got to say for now. I'm just really depressed and sad. What scares me is I'm no longer crying. The hurt and remorse I feel is so deep inside me now tears are worthless. It's been almost a year and I didn't plan on posting again. But there was such an outpouring of interest from the community I decided to. Well, I have bad news and some good news. First the bad news, I am divorced. It was final back in December. In the end, James decided he couldn't remain married to me after I was with another man. He said he could never trust me again and was embarrassed to be seen in public with me. He feels divorcing gave him his masculinity back. I disagree as he never lost his masculinity and no one knows about my brief connection with Jaden except for our families, but okay, whatever. Now for the good news, no strike that the great news. James and I started dating again last month. We got back together on Valentine's Day and it's been fantastic. We only see each other whenever he wants, which has been about once a week, but our passion level is off the charts way higher than when we first got together seven years ago. Now he's made it clear to me that this is only a physical thing and that we will never again be married, live together or be a couple ever again. I'm okay with this. Well, not really, but I'll take what I can get. My goal is to win back James and if I can't do that, I want to have his babies. Now don't get the wrong idea. I would never baby trap him. I just would like to have children with this man. I've thought out how we could share custody and make this all work without being married. I know it sounds crazy, but I love him and don't want children with anyone else. I know doing so would likely jeopardize any potential relationship I might have with another man, but I don't want anyone else but James. That's all I have to share now and I'll probably not post again unless something major happens, but I would love, love, love to get your feedback on my situation. Do you think I'm crazy for dating James? Should I just try to move on and find another love and start a family with that person instead? PS, Jaden is not an option and never was. He was just a bad decision I made and will never make again. Thank you. That wraps it up, folks. A different perspective story to challenge your own morals, views on relationships and of course, test if it would trigger you. Well, were you? Let us know. This topic can bring lots of interesting opinions in the comment section. Or what would you advise OP or the ex-husband? It seems that she got demoted from being his wife, but this story isn't over. As it seems he's still with her. Don't forget. Stop next to the like button's car at the red light. Motion it to lower its window. When it does, say, your window is down. Then drive away. See you in the next one.